0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Oh, what happened to you?
0:00:03 > 0:00:07# Whatever happened to me?
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# What became of the people
0:00:11 > 0:00:14# We used to be?
0:00:14 > 0:00:18# Tomorrow's almost over
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# Today went by so fast
0:00:21 > 0:00:25# Is the only thing to look forward to
0:00:25 > 0:00:29# The past? #
0:00:32 > 0:00:38I've only a few words to say. I won't take up much of your valuable time, Thelma.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42You have decided to leave me. I can accept that.
0:00:42 > 0:00:48You think you're right, you may be. Only time will tell. I accept that.
0:00:48 > 0:00:57What I cannot begin to accept is that you should think that I was having an affair with another woman.
0:00:57 > 0:01:04This I find...well, this lack of trust, it's taken something from our marriage, Thelma.
0:01:04 > 0:01:12And it's going to take a long time, a long, long time, and a lot of hard work to put back what's gone.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Do I make myself clear?
0:01:16 > 0:01:23- Who are you talking to? - I wasn't talking to anybody. - Saw your lips move, Norman.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28- I was just thinking aloud.- Come on, now, drink that while it's hot.
0:01:28 > 0:01:35You've put sugar in it! I don't take sugar. I told you I don't take sugar in tea.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I'm sorry, mate. Just don't stir it.
0:01:38 > 0:01:43That's no good. It's in there, doing damage. I've cut out sugar.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48And chocolate digestives, and salted nuts and lemon curd.
0:01:48 > 0:01:54I'm not to know, am I? It's the first day of our new life together.
0:01:54 > 0:02:01I'm getting to know you, getting to know all about you, getting to like you, hoping that you'll like me.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05Not funny, not funny at all.
0:02:05 > 0:02:11Sorry. Just trying for a smile, to take your mind off things. Bacon sandwich?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14I can't eat. Like I can't sleep.
0:02:14 > 0:02:20I didn't sleep too good. Your guestroom has never had a guest.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24It's not aired. I was freezing. I slept in my socks.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28You always sleep in your socks.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32I do not. Not in the warm weather.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36You do. And in your vest. You've got odd personal habits.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41- What do you mean, odd personal habits?- Well, you have.
0:02:41 > 0:02:49I have not. It's OK for you. You can sleep in the nude if you want. You've got the electric blanket.
0:02:49 > 0:02:54- I don't mean just last night. I mean in general.- Well, like what?
0:02:54 > 0:03:01Little things. One can't fail to notice. Little, but they let you down.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Like WHAT?
0:03:03 > 0:03:08When you go into somebody's house, you kick your shoes off.
0:03:08 > 0:03:14You undo your top trouser button when you've overeaten. It's not nice in company.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18And you pick your teeth. And you scratch a lot.
0:03:18 > 0:03:24I never said so, but in the Scouts, I hated sharing a tent with you.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29Why the hell not? Did you think I would attack you?
0:03:29 > 0:03:34There was an evil smell every morning. I couldn't eat my porridge.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38Oh, the nastiness is setting in now though, but!
0:03:38 > 0:03:45You've bottled this up for years. We were 13 when we got hoyed out of the Scouts.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48All these years and - I don't know.
0:03:48 > 0:03:54Don't start on me because your wife's left and I've put sugar in your tea.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59What about YOUR peculiar habits? Like talking to bears.
0:04:02 > 0:04:07The whole Seagull Patrol was in the tent, not just me. Why blame me?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Of course there was an evil smell.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14It was wet feet, wind and woodbines.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19It was your wind.
0:04:19 > 0:04:27I don't have to stay. I can go home to a warm bed, where nobody cares about my trouser buttons.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31I came here to help you over your problems. However...
0:04:31 > 0:04:37- I...- No-one's let in here without a Swiss finishing school diploma.
0:04:37 > 0:04:45- I'm sorry.- You used to cut your toenails in the fireplace, but I wouldn't dream of mentioning that.
0:04:45 > 0:04:52- I'm stressed. You know how it is when you can't sleep. - Yes, after last night.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57- You have the electric blanket tonight.- Oh, you want me to stay?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01- If you don't mind. - Yeah, want me to stay now, do you?
0:05:01 > 0:05:04I'd be very grateful.
0:05:04 > 0:05:11Oh, look, kid, I don't want your gratitude. I mean, what are friends for?
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Times like this you find out who your friends are.
0:05:15 > 0:05:23- You need comfort and understanding from a man like me. Can I really have the electric blanket?- Yes.
0:05:23 > 0:05:28I'm not sleeping, am I? Not with this emotion hanging over me.
0:05:28 > 0:05:34OK. I may not be as genteel as Thelma, but I'll to try to keep the place tidy.
0:05:34 > 0:05:39- And I'll get your meals.- I'll leave you something for the housekeeping.
0:05:39 > 0:05:46- Yes, the cost of living now. - It'd be best if you got everything at the supermarket.
0:05:46 > 0:05:52It depends how long I'm here. How long'll this emotional crisis last?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- It's up to her.- Is it?
0:05:54 > 0:06:01Definitely. She's responsible. I'll say to her "You've decided to leave me.
0:06:01 > 0:06:08"I accept that. You may be right. Only time can tell. I can accept that.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11"What I can't accept, what I can't
0:06:11 > 0:06:17- "accept is you thinking I've been having it off with another woman." - Pardon?
0:06:17 > 0:06:20- I know the rest, kid. I heard.- Oh.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25- I couldn't help it.- I was finding the best way of putting it.
0:06:25 > 0:06:31- WHEN will you put it? When will you tell Thelma what you told Norman? - Soon.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36- Good.- You think so?- Yes, it's a long speech to remember.
0:06:36 > 0:06:43I don't need to be word-perfect, just to get the gist. It's a very important speech - I should try.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48I agree. I'm not getting at you. I know how important words are.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52I should - I was married to a German girl.
0:06:52 > 0:06:57My marriage might have worked if we'd been able to communicate.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01When we rowed, she didn't get the abuse I hurled at her.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06- Perhaps that was just as well. - Of course it wasn't!
0:07:06 > 0:07:15She kept locking me out. You can't ask a total stranger to translate "Let me in, I need the lavatory."
0:07:15 > 0:07:20- Did you never attempt to bridge the language barrier?- I did once.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23One night, when she'd gone too far.
0:07:23 > 0:07:29I went to a neighbour's and borrowed a German phrase book. Huge it was, that thick.
0:07:29 > 0:07:35- Was it useful?- Very. I took it home and clouted her with it.
0:07:35 > 0:07:40- That's charming, that(!)- The only time the neighbours came in handy.
0:07:40 > 0:07:46About the neighbours - there's no point them knowing about this.
0:07:46 > 0:07:51I don't want them here with advice and home-made marmalade.
0:07:51 > 0:07:56Look at the time! You'll be late. I've got lots to do!
0:07:56 > 0:08:03This business with Thelma - I don't want everyone knowing. Let's keep it to ourselves.
0:08:03 > 0:08:10- Of course.- I know you. If you're going out, I don't want this all round the estate.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15- My lips are sealed.- Bump into your Audrey and word'll fly round.
0:08:15 > 0:08:20Round the whole north by the six o'clock news. It'll be ON the news.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25My lips are sealed... Mind you...
0:08:25 > 0:08:31- What?- I can't help the neighbours seeing me with your shopping.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Make an excuse. Say Thelma's ill.
0:08:33 > 0:08:39Then they're bound to be round with home-made marmalade.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41It's very infectious.
0:08:41 > 0:08:46- Why am I here?- You've been injected. So have I.- That's a relief(!)
0:08:46 > 0:08:53She's not to see anybody, total rest. She's done too much stocktaking at work.
0:08:53 > 0:09:02I know what. I'll say "That work at the library is killing Thelma. They found her, buried in her books."
0:09:03 > 0:09:10- Oh, come on, Terry - be serious. - All right, why am I here? What about everybody else?
0:09:10 > 0:09:17Les the milkman, the postman, that cheeky lad on the ice-cream van. We don't want them speculating, do we?
0:09:17 > 0:09:22- You're here because your street's being demolished.- WHAT?
0:09:22 > 0:09:28- It's being demolished. It's due for it.- Don't be stupid! Everyone knows it's not.
0:09:28 > 0:09:33Nobody here'll know. They wouldn't be seen dead there.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36It's got more character than round here.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Is that supposed to be clean?
0:09:39 > 0:09:43And we don't bother over gossip like you lot.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47- MILK BOTTLES RATTLE > - It's Les. Not a word.
0:09:47 > 0:09:53- I told you, my lips...- are sealed. Let's see they are.- I'm discreet.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58- Hello.- Morning, Les.- You're late. Are you off work?
0:09:58 > 0:10:06- No, Thelma's off. Infection. But I've been injected. - And I'm being demolished.- Oh, aye.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I'm sorry. I hope she's better soon.
0:10:08 > 0:10:14- She'll be fine. Peace and quiet.- I knocked cos there's no empties out.
0:10:14 > 0:10:20- I haven't done it yet!- OK. Usual - two pints and a strawberry yoghurt?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- Yoghurt? You've cut out sugar. - It's for Thelma.
0:10:23 > 0:10:30Oh. Well, just the two pints today, Les. You can cancel the yoghurt indefinitely.
0:10:32 > 0:10:41It's going to take a long time, a long, long time, and a lot of hard work, to put back what's gone.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- Is that a dash? > - Pardon?
0:10:44 > 0:10:48After "hard work", is it a dash or a colon?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- Does it matter? - You said it was an important letter.
0:10:51 > 0:10:58- The most important of my life.- Then you should get the punctuation right.
0:10:58 > 0:11:05- My marriage won't hang on the difference between a colon and a semi-colon.- Dash. Colon or dash?
0:11:05 > 0:11:10- You're the bloody genius! - I'll get the Swear Box.
0:11:10 > 0:11:16- I'm sorry, Wendy, I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of strain. - Emotional strain?- Yes.
0:11:16 > 0:11:23- That's the worst sort. My boyfriend, Gordon, and I went through lots. - Really?
0:11:23 > 0:11:30- At Easter, when we went to Derbyshire, potholing.- One can see that would cause strain.
0:11:30 > 0:11:37He does the potholing, not me. It's dangerous. And it can't do you any good, all that damp.
0:11:37 > 0:11:44It's no fun for me. I sit in a tent all day while he's burrowing some hole with a flashlight.
0:11:44 > 0:11:50Wendy, have your potholing experiences anything to do with my problems?
0:11:50 > 0:11:54I thought it'd help to know that others had bad times.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59I want Thelma to come home, not emerge from a dark hole.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- I just meant...- Just type it out.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Yes, Bob.- Just type it out, please.
0:12:05 > 0:12:10- I would just like to say one thing. - Yes. Must you?
0:12:10 > 0:12:16It's impersonal to write a letter of this importance on work notepaper.
0:12:16 > 0:12:23- I'm not! I just want you to type it out so I can go over it and polish it, like.- Oh, I see.
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- I would just like to say one thing. - Must you?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32I think it's a very lovely letter.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Do you, Wendy? Do you really?
0:12:34 > 0:12:40She can't fail to be impressed - once I've corrected the punctuation.
0:12:40 > 0:12:49Wendy, listen. This letter - let's keep it between ourselves. I don't want it right round the office.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51I'm the soul of discretion.
0:12:51 > 0:12:57Good, cos I don't want anybody to see it. If one of those girls saw...
0:12:57 > 0:13:01- You know how they thrive on gossip. - My lips are sealed.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05- Sorry!- Shouldn't we knock, Vivien?
0:13:05 > 0:13:09Yes. I'm sorry. Shall I come back next week?
0:13:11 > 0:13:14What is it, Vivienne, please?
0:13:14 > 0:13:21I'm making a list of those going on the office trip to Hexham races. Are you and your wife going?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Yes, probably. Put us down for it.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27- Is it worth it?- What?
0:13:27 > 0:13:31It's £3 a ticket. Shouldn't you see if Thelma comes back...
0:13:40 > 0:13:45- Oh, watch...hello, Aud.- What are you doing?- I'm shopping, aren't I?
0:13:45 > 0:13:51- But me mam doesn't shop here. - No, I'm getting Bob's stuff in.
0:13:51 > 0:13:58- Bob?- Oh, and Thelma. Bob and Thelma. Thelma's not well, you see. She's in bed.- Oh, poor pet.
0:13:58 > 0:14:04- I'll drive you round, and see how she is.- Er, no, you can't.- Why not?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- Infectious.- What is?- What she's got.
0:14:07 > 0:14:12I'm OK. Me and Bob've had jabs. And she needs the rest.
0:14:12 > 0:14:18Peace and quiet and no visitors. It's the stocktaking - takes it out of you.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23I'm there if they need anything. Do the shopping, like, watch the house,
0:14:23 > 0:14:26make sure there's no visitors...
0:14:27 > 0:14:31Eeee...Thelma's left him.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- Terry told me.- Well, what happened?
0:14:38 > 0:14:44Well...you know Terry? Apparently, Thelma's left him. You know Bob Ferris?
0:14:44 > 0:14:49- But they were happy.- I know, we all thought so.- Well!- Yes!
0:14:54 > 0:14:56What is it?
0:14:56 > 0:15:01- It's Bob.- Your Bob? Oh, let's see him.- No, not now.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05- He's in the cafe opposite. - I've never met him.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10- He's been there all afternoon. - Keeping a lonely vigil.- Pardon?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13A lonely vigil on the one he loves.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18You leaving him has made him realise the depth of his love for you.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- Sshh!- Be quiet.
0:15:20 > 0:15:25This thing with Bob, I've told you, because of his phone calls.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28I'm relying on your discretion.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31- Oh, my lips are sealed, Thelma. - Good.
0:15:31 > 0:15:36It's just that I think you should run to his arms...
0:15:36 > 0:15:42We're supposed to be re-classifying, and we're only up to archaeology.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46I've never met Bob, but he can't be the philanderer you say.
0:15:46 > 0:15:51Not a man who keeps long vigils in that horrible cafe.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55- He's probably trying to pick up the waitress.- Sshh!
0:15:55 > 0:16:02- You've seen her. That's his type - common and available. - I wouldn't describe you like that.
0:16:02 > 0:16:09I'm the type he married. That Moira over there's the type he lusts after.
0:16:09 > 0:16:16Your Bob'd never run after another woman. He's over there now because you won't take his calls.
0:16:16 > 0:16:21If he does notice Moira, you've only yourself to blame.
0:16:21 > 0:16:26Your heartless indifference will drive him to the arms of another.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30All he did was keep a vigil on his loved one.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34You spend too much time in romantic fiction.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46- Ha! I knew you'd be here. - What do you want?
0:16:46 > 0:16:51- Hey, give us that.- It's typed now, is it?- None of your business.
0:16:51 > 0:16:57- A letter now!- It's my concern. - You've bottled out of telling her to her face.
0:16:57 > 0:17:02Asking the obvious is an irritating habit of yours.
0:17:02 > 0:17:07There you go, changing the subject to my habits, not facing facts.
0:17:07 > 0:17:13That's not the way to play it. My advice is tell her straight, to her face.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- Tea, please.- OK.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21I do not want your advice. I do not want your help or your opinion.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26Don't tell me how to run my marriage when yours was a disaster.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30It's like a man with 15 kids advising on family planning.
0:17:30 > 0:17:37- All I'm saying is, if we were married, and we had rows... - Which we would have constantly.
0:17:37 > 0:17:43I would expect more than a letter. I'd expect to be told to my face.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Which one of them?
0:17:45 > 0:17:50I'll ignore that, as you're under emotional strain.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55I will tell her to her face. That's why I'm here. She gets coffee here.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58She's avoiding me - I'll post it.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00- I'll post it.- No.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03I want to make sure it gets there.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- Here you are, pet.- Thanks.- Thank you.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- How did you know I was here?- Ahh!
0:18:09 > 0:18:17You rang the office and had a right natter about it with Wendy. And the switchboard girls were listening.
0:18:17 > 0:18:23- Bob, man, I guessed you were here. - How?- Because Thelma works opposite.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28When we were kids and you two rowed, where did you spend the afternoons?
0:18:28 > 0:18:34Outside her grammar school. Waiting to see her and carry her satchel.
0:18:34 > 0:18:42And when she ignored you, you wrote a letter and gave it to Norma Braithwaite to give to her.
0:18:42 > 0:18:48- Nothing's changed much, has it? - 'Spose not.- Nothing's changed.
0:18:48 > 0:18:54Once I wrote a really long one. It took days and nights. I took such care with it.
0:18:54 > 0:19:01Looked up all the words in my pocket dictionary, a present from my Aunty Gladys.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05Only time I used it - except to look up mucky words.
0:19:05 > 0:19:14- They were never in.- They're in the big one but not the pocket ones. - Not the sort aunties give you.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18I took such care - the most important letter ever.
0:19:18 > 0:19:24I wrote it in my new Parker 51 that was a present from my Aunty Elsie.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Sealed it with pink sealing wax and wrote SWALK on the envelope.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34But I didn't give it to Norma, cos she was off with chicken pox.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38- I gave it to you to give to Thelma. - That's right.
0:19:38 > 0:19:44You put it on the noticeboard for the whole school to read. How evil!
0:19:44 > 0:19:46You're right, nothing's changed.
0:19:46 > 0:19:54Even in those days, all your break-ups were down to your supposed infidelities.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Nothing's changed. - No truth in any of them.
0:19:57 > 0:20:02Right...well, I don't know. I did put it about a bit.
0:20:02 > 0:20:08- Not as much as Thelma thought you did.- That's not humanly possible.
0:20:08 > 0:20:14It's why it's unfair. Can't she see now I'm married, I don't? I don't.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19I'd know if you did - your nervous catarrh would come back.
0:20:19 > 0:20:24I'm not saying that I don't like girls, that I don't notice girls.
0:20:24 > 0:20:33I can't say I haven't noticed that waitress. Even in my darkest hour, I've noticed her provocative body.
0:20:33 > 0:20:41- And that ladder up her left leg. - Fantastic legs.- Right up to her throat. Naughty little bum an' all.
0:20:41 > 0:20:48- Cheeky.- But she's just a fantasy. Like the girl at the filling station on the bypass.
0:20:48 > 0:20:53I'd no more take her out than I'd take you to the badminton club.
0:20:53 > 0:21:00- I don't expect to be. I've got to slave over a hot stove. - I'm going to post this. Coming?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03No, I'll stay and keep an eye on the ladder.
0:21:03 > 0:21:10- I'm just popping over the road. Do you want anything, or just coffee?- Just coffee.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- Anthea?- Yes? - Are you going to the Venetian?
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Well, it is the handiest. Ssshhh! >
0:21:17 > 0:21:21- Don't talk to Bob. - No, I don't know him.
0:21:21 > 0:21:28You didn't know the man who lost a glove in here today, but you're seeing him tonight.
0:21:28 > 0:21:36I don't talk to strangers in coffee bars. And whatever you say, I bet he doesn't even notice me.
0:21:49 > 0:21:54- Two white coffees to take out, Moira, no sugar. - OK, Anthea.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08- Oh, many thanks. - Do you have to rush off?- Pardon.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12There's no rush, is there? Come and have a bit of cake?
0:22:12 > 0:22:21- Do you know who I am?- No, but if you sat down, I soon would. Pretty soon we'd find out lots of things.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26My God, you're everything she said you are.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- Who was that?- I don't know.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37I thought...in fact I was positive...oh, well, never mind.
0:22:41 > 0:22:48- You haven't posted it!- No. You were right. I realised the sooner this is settled, the better.
0:22:48 > 0:22:56- The word is mightier than the pen. - Yes, I AM going to hand it to her. But she can read it at home.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59I'm not afraid to tell her,
0:22:59 > 0:23:07but I'd get it wrong. She'd butt in, and you can't talk in a library, and she'd never let me get it out.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Not in a public library she wouldn't.
0:23:13 > 0:23:21- So, we'll go over there, shall we? - Me? You want me to come an' all? - I wouldn't mind.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23All right, come on, let's go.
0:23:27 > 0:23:32Oh, no, first one thing, then the other. What is it now - cold feet?
0:23:32 > 0:23:37No, it's just a pity. I stuck the stamp on.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Yes, can I help you?
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Is, er, Thelma Ferris here, please?
0:24:04 > 0:24:08She's busy. I'll fetch her if it's important.
0:24:08 > 0:24:13No, it's not that...I wouldn't dream of...don't bother to...
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Can you see she gets that, please?
0:24:17 > 0:24:22- OK. Shall I say who it's from? - Say it's from her husband.
0:24:22 > 0:24:28He's too cowardly to come in after what's just happened. So he sends a messenger.
0:24:28 > 0:24:33Give him this back and tell him if he's a man, he'll fetch it himself.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Pardon?
0:24:42 > 0:24:46- Look, I'm just trying to... - Ssshh! >
0:24:46 > 0:24:48- I'm...- Ssshhh!
0:24:53 > 0:24:56What was that commotion, Anthea?
0:24:56 > 0:25:02Oh, nothing, pet. Nothing at all, really. I'll just get my handbag.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08What is the matter with that girl?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- HE COUGHS - Excuse me, Thelma, pet.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31- It's you, is it? Well? - Bob asked me to give you this.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35It's a letter, like, from him to you.
0:25:35 > 0:25:41He wanted to tell you, but knew you wouldn't let him get it out here.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44He asked YOU to bring ME a letter from HIM?
0:25:44 > 0:25:49Tell him if he's got anything to say, he can say it to my face.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53Give him that message from his ex-wife!
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- Sshhh! - Sshhh yourselves!
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Loving, they say, means never having to say sorry.
0:26:02 > 0:26:11So how come, of all the people I know in love, they spend all the time apologising to each other?
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Well, it's worth thinking about, Norman.
0:26:14 > 0:26:23'Ey up, here's your father. Now, he needs all the support he can get. Give him a nice smile. Bear up.
0:26:23 > 0:26:28- Course it's all over town now, isn't it?- It isn't.- Yes.
0:26:28 > 0:26:36It is after that library fiasco. I went to the Fat Ox on my way home - you know that sexy Scots barmaid?
0:26:36 > 0:26:41She gives me a gooey smile and tells me to keep my pecker up! Huh!
0:26:41 > 0:26:48- That doesn't mean owt. - Yes, it does! She knows. You should have seen the smile.
0:26:48 > 0:26:55In the Crimea, Florence Nightingale gave that smile to amputees. Keep me pecker up! Huh!
0:26:55 > 0:27:02If you're going to sit there wallowing in self-pity, I'll tell you something.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05- You don't half flatter yourself. - What?
0:27:05 > 0:27:11Flatter yourself people here are so interested in you and Thelma.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16The endless saga of Bob and Thelma has been going on for years.
0:27:16 > 0:27:22- It's rumoured Florence Nightingale or Boadicea introduced you two.- Eh?
0:27:22 > 0:27:28You're fretting unnecessarily. You are getting a persecution complex.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33There's nothing wrong with your marriage. If there is, nobody knows.
0:27:33 > 0:27:39Well, hardly anybody. Nobody round here goes near the Fat Ox, do they?
0:27:39 > 0:27:41I suppose you're right.
0:27:41 > 0:27:50I, we, the people of this town are just not that interested in your personal problems.
0:27:50 > 0:27:56You're right. I'm sorry. Nobody knows. Or if they do know, nobody cares.
0:27:56 > 0:28:03- Yes, it's trivial. We'll patch it up. Sorry. - I'll go and put the kettle on.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Yes, we'll have a nice cup of tea.
0:28:05 > 0:28:11- Aye, and we'll write another letter. - I've forgot what I said.- I haven't.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15By the way, any phone calls?
0:28:15 > 0:28:20- The badminton club secretary called. - Why? I've paid the subscription.
0:28:20 > 0:28:26It's OK! He wanted to ask if you two were entering the tournament.
0:28:26 > 0:28:32You didn't say anything, did you? If it's round the badminton club...oh!
0:28:32 > 0:28:37Bob, Bob! For Heaven's sake, how many times have I got to tell you?
0:28:37 > 0:28:46Your personal affairs are none of my business. Nobody's interested in spreading rumour and speculation.
0:28:46 > 0:28:53All I said was "Put them down for the singles, but don't bank on the mixed doubles."
0:29:20 > 0:29:24Intelfax Subtitles by Sophie Brown for BBC Subtitling, 1995