0:00:01 > 0:00:03# Oh, what happened to you?
0:00:03 > 0:00:07# Whatever happened to me?
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# What became of the people
0:00:11 > 0:00:14# We used to be?
0:00:14 > 0:00:17# Tomorrow's almost over
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# Today went by so fast
0:00:20 > 0:00:25# Is the only thing to look forward to...
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# ..the past? #
0:00:35 > 0:00:42I must take into consideration that this is the second time in a matter of weeks
0:00:42 > 0:00:48you have appeared in court to face a charge of disorderly conduct.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53Both times the circumstances were the same - rowdyism and brawling.
0:00:55 > 0:01:02- It appears that you are something of a public nuisance, Mr...- Collier.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- Pardon?- Collier.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Mr Collier, yes.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09As in pit.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Pit? What...?
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- INAUDIBLE WHISPER - I understand.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20With two 'L's.
0:01:20 > 0:01:25- Quite. Now, where were we? - Public nuisance, my lord.
0:01:25 > 0:01:31- This isn't the Old Bailey. "Sir" will suffice.- Oh, sorry, sir.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- Right. Where was I? - Public nuisance.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Yes. And I see that on both occasions
0:01:38 > 0:01:43you used abusive language and assaulted the arresting officer.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48I did struggle. So would you, if he tried to kick you in the goolies.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53I beg your pardon.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57I was just protecting me interests.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Are you... Are you claiming self-defence?
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Yes, I am. I was provoked by Scaife.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08I didn't start anything. I don't look for trouble.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10I wouldn't, sir.
0:02:10 > 0:02:16Well, a man in my position... It wouldn't be wise - violence.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23It's the army, you see. I only recently came out and...
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Well, I've not been a well man since the army.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Service and duty took its toll, sir.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35I know it is alleged that I kicked Mr Scaife and Constable McKie,
0:02:35 > 0:02:40but I've enough difficulty getting upstairs with this leg.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46What exactly is the matter with the leg?
0:02:46 > 0:02:50I never talk about it, sir.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Service and duty.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56But I'm not a bitter man. I'm not bitter.
0:02:56 > 0:03:01- Nobody forced me into the army. I volunteered.- Is this relevant?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Nor can I blame Mr Scaife, here.
0:03:04 > 0:03:09He didn't know, when he launched the violent and unprovoked assault,
0:03:09 > 0:03:13- that I was a wounded ex-serviceman. - You lying Arab!
0:03:13 > 0:03:14Quiet!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- I've got bruises from him!- Get out!
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- Me, too! - Order! Could we have some order?
0:03:21 > 0:03:26- I was trying to say...- You were trying to say something else?
0:03:26 > 0:03:31Only that I haven't been able to get employment since the army.
0:03:31 > 0:03:37It's ironical. You do your bit and you're tossed on the scrap heap.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42Same with me father in 1946. After El Alamein, straight on the dole.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46You can't buy powdered egg with a George medal.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54- Has he finished? - Yes, I think so.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59May we leave aside the glorious military history of your family
0:03:59 > 0:04:02and concentrate on last night?
0:04:02 > 0:04:07Constable McKie and the landlord of the Drift Inn gave evidence
0:04:07 > 0:04:12that you caused considerable damage to persons and to private property.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15A table was broken, stock was destroyed,
0:04:15 > 0:04:19and a mirror was shattered by a bottle you threw.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23That was an accident. The bottle was for Scaife.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31God! No buttons left on this shirt!
0:04:31 > 0:04:36And me jacket's ruined. Fat chance of getting another one. £25 fine!
0:04:36 > 0:04:40- Which I paid.- You'll get your money. - One hopes so.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- Fancy a cup of tea?- Might as well.
0:04:43 > 0:04:49What's the matter? You've hardly said a word. I was the one fined and bound over.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52You could have got probation.
0:04:52 > 0:04:58Did you see that little probation officer? She wasn't bad!
0:04:58 > 0:05:03If she put some lipstick on and let her hair down... Ooh, get in there!
0:05:03 > 0:05:09Don't you feel any remorse or shame at your appalling behaviour?
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Why should I? I don't look for trouble.
0:05:12 > 0:05:17Drunk and disorderly. A public nuisance. Doesn't it bother you?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20It wasn't my fault. He insulted me.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24It was a pointless brawl after a pointless argument.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28- You could have stepped away from it. - Rubbish.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Do you remember what it was about?
0:05:30 > 0:05:34Course I do! He said... He inferred...
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Well, he made out...
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Was it about religion?
0:05:39 > 0:05:46- It started when you said Middlesbrough were a bunch of cloggers.- They are.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Which led to the role of the TUC in modern society,
0:05:50 > 0:05:54which led to the role of Yugoslavia in the war,
0:05:54 > 0:05:59which naturally led to a discussion about Janice Wainwright's knockers.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03Janice Wainwright? She hasn't got any!
0:06:03 > 0:06:08That's what you alleged. Her fiance, Dougie Scaife, took exception.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12He's engaged to...? He needs his head examining.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15He does after the battering you gave him.
0:06:15 > 0:06:21Janice Wainwright. Well, I never! We really had a barney about her?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Apparently. It was like a John Wayne movie.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28There's not a mark on me. Not a mark!
0:06:28 > 0:06:33Did you see him in court? All puffed up and bruised.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- Nine times out of ten he'd murder you.- Like hell!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40But he mistakenly assumed you'd fight fairly.
0:06:40 > 0:06:47How do you know I didn't? You were in the lavatory keeping well out of it.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- Pardon?- Keeping well out of it!
0:06:50 > 0:06:54- I don't follow.- I'm only saying... - Saying what?
0:06:54 > 0:07:00When some of us are in a tight spot, SOME of us conveniently go to the lavatory.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I wanted to go.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05You'd only been ten minutes earlier.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09- I hadn't!- You had!- I hadn't. I did leave the room.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13I'd left me car unlocked and in it was my theodolite.
0:07:13 > 0:07:19- Who'd pinch your theodolite? - Anyone round there. They pinch owt.
0:07:19 > 0:07:24- Anyhow, I'm just saying. - Look, I'm not a coward, Terry.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29- I just don't get involved in other people's arguments.- No, we noticed.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- It won't work.- What?
0:07:35 > 0:07:41Trying to provoke me. I'm a man of reason. I don't fly off the handle.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45No.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47You sulk.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- Pardon?- You just sulk.
0:07:51 > 0:07:57The world would be a better place if people sulked instead of dropping bombs.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01All right, I lose my temper, but I soon get over it.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06Whereas you, you go on sulking and harbouring grudges for days.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09You're doing it now.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- I AM NOT!- Temper, temper!
0:08:12 > 0:08:17- Whatever I am, you are a violent aggressive person.- Ahh.- You are!
0:08:17 > 0:08:20It's always there, near the surface.
0:08:20 > 0:08:26Our first day at Byegate Infants, you split my head open with a brick.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29You stole my Plasticine.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33No excuse for splitting my head open.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38You see? You've sulked about that all these years, haven't you?
0:08:38 > 0:08:43You should have hit me back. Instead you tell your mother.
0:08:43 > 0:08:50Of course I told her. What could I say? I had blood pouring down me new Airtex shirt.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55What am I supposed to say? I cut myself shaving?
0:08:55 > 0:09:01Anyhow I'm not violent and aggressive. I don't go looking for trouble.
0:09:01 > 0:09:07Every hooligan thrown out of a football ground says that. You're a criminal.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- Don't be stupid!- You are, Terry.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Convicted twice within weeks. Not to mention juvenile court.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18Juvenile court? That's just kids' stuff.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23Nicking Dinky toys from Woolworth's. Every kid did that, even you.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27Except when we did it you didn't get caught.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30You were probably in the lavatory.
0:09:30 > 0:09:36You may have forgotten, but tonight we were supposed to be going on a date -
0:09:36 > 0:09:40a foursome, with Anthea from the library.
0:09:40 > 0:09:45I had forgotten. She's got a nice body, that Anthea...for a librarian.
0:09:45 > 0:09:51What will she think? We arranged it because, in Thelma's words, "Isn't Terry improving?"
0:09:51 > 0:09:56What will she think? Nice girl going out with a common criminal.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Her father is secretary of the bowling club.
0:09:59 > 0:10:04- She isn't going to know.- Course she is. It'll be in the papers.
0:10:04 > 0:10:10Terence Daniel Collier, unemployed, was bound over and fined 25 quid.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- It'll be in the papers?- Course!
0:10:13 > 0:10:17Howay! Let's get the lunch-time edition!
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I hope you like Terry, pet.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27I hope you don't find him too... It's just sometimes he...
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I mean he's not always...
0:10:29 > 0:10:36First you said what an awful fellow Terry was, then you said you'd misjudged him.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39You've changed back again. Why, Thelma?
0:10:39 > 0:10:44He has got his good points, but just don't expect Cary Grant.
0:10:44 > 0:10:50After what you've said I'm expecting the creature from the black lagoon.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53- Here we are, girls. Cheers!- Cheers!
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Doesn't it do well, this place? It's never not full.
0:10:57 > 0:11:02- I was just saying, Terry's late. - Well, he's probably in some brawl.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07- Bob!- It's no good pretending it didn't happen because it did.
0:11:07 > 0:11:12- I'm sorry, Anthea. I hope your father doesn't find out.- Be quiet.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Talk about something else.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19They're planting rhododendrons round the Civic Centre.
0:11:19 > 0:11:26- Hello! Here's Terry. Well! - I was at the doctor's. You know how they keep you waiting.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- This is Anthea. - We met once, briefly.- Briefly, yes.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Is this mine?- Yes, cheers.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35- Why were you there?- Me ribs.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- Ribs?- They're bruised. Bruised ribs.
0:11:38 > 0:11:43- Bob!- I'm just asking. I thought you were unmarked.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Talk about something else. Those rhododendrons?
0:11:47 > 0:11:53Thelma, don't pretend it didn't happen. I'm sure you read the paper.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57I shouldn't have got involved but I was provoked.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Did you land him one?
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- Pardon? - Did you really land him one? Biff!
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Yes, I did. More than one, in fact.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13- Is he bigger than you? - Aye, he's a big lad, Dougie.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Bruised ribs. How brave!
0:12:16 > 0:12:20Well, I've... I didn't notice at the time.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- It must have been fantastic. - I wasn't there.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26He was well out of it.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30- You were in the thick of it? - Aye, well.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- Damages.- Pardon?
0:12:32 > 0:12:37- The paper reported damages... to the pub.- You saw the paper?
0:12:37 > 0:12:43- It was quite prominent, page two. - They spelt my name wrong - one 'L'.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- Quite a spread.- Quite a fight!
0:12:46 > 0:12:48I wish I'd been there.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52You astonish me. I never thought a girl like you...
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I like a good punch-up.
0:12:55 > 0:13:00I've not seen a decent one since the rockers destroyed the floral clock.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- Violence appals me.- And me.
0:13:04 > 0:13:10There's a tendency to glamorise violence. I don't subscribe to it.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14- Except when you're driving. - Pardon?
0:13:14 > 0:13:20- You get rid of all your violent feelings behind the wheel.- I do not.
0:13:20 > 0:13:27You do! You always rev up and toot your hooter and hurl abuse at some innocent pedestrian.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- Yes, that's quite true. - It's what?!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33What are you talking about?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35He's a different person in the car.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40- I'm a careful road-user. - You're aggressive and rude.
0:13:40 > 0:13:47What you said to the lollipop man the other... In front of a crocodile of mixed infants!
0:13:47 > 0:13:50There's nothing wrong with my driving!
0:13:50 > 0:13:53You took ages to pass your test!
0:13:53 > 0:14:01Change the subject. There's two things men can't take criticism about. One of them's driving!
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- What's the other one?- Oh, Anthea. - Oh! Oh, yeah.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Got your L-plates off the bed yet?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11I'll L-plate you in a minute!
0:14:11 > 0:14:16- Oh! Muhammad Ali, all of a sudden! - Seconds out! Ding! Ding!
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Anthea, it isn't funny, actually.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Not if you've seen violence like I have.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Have you?
0:14:24 > 0:14:30Oh, yes. I have seen merchant seamen, inflamed on duty-free gin,
0:14:30 > 0:14:36brawling in the streets of Bergen brandishing broken bottles. I was terrified.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40- When?- I went with Susan on that cruise to Norway.
0:14:40 > 0:14:45- I thought you went to Italy. - I did, but I also went to Norway.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47And you saw seamen...brawling?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50In the back streets of Bergen, yes.
0:14:50 > 0:14:57Well, you never told us about this. Did they... Did they... molest you or anything?
0:14:57 > 0:15:03- Aye, did they?- Almost. It wasn't as if you were there to protect me.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07He's no use! He'd have been in the nearest Bergen bog!
0:15:07 > 0:15:13Two fellas fought over me on a day trip to Bridlington. It was very romantic.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18It was two brothers and the winner was going to marry me.
0:15:18 > 0:15:23They fought for ages and there was blood all over their cord trousers.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26It was very romantic.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30- Who won?- I didn't wait to find out.
0:15:30 > 0:15:36I went off with Derek Addy. He took me on the ghost train and bought me candyfloss.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42- You read that article I gave you, didn't you, Bob?- What article?
0:15:42 > 0:15:48- It was in the colour supplement, about Konrad Lorenz.- Oh, yes.
0:15:48 > 0:15:54He studied aggression in animals and applied what he learned to humans.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57- Geese.- Pardon?
0:15:57 > 0:16:03He talks to geese. He pretends he's a goose and he talks to geese.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06He talks to geese?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10- Yes, he gets in the water and he... - Talks to geese.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14- They think he's their mother. - Mother Goose!
0:16:16 > 0:16:22He learns from them because, like Terry, they're aggressive creatures.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27More remarks like that and I'll stick one on you, Ferris.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28See?
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Haven't you been chased by a goose?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Not since Thursday.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Seriously. They're often used to guard farms.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44They make very good watch-geese-dogs.
0:16:44 > 0:16:49- Oh, don't look now. - Eh? What? Oh, is it!- What is it?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53- Dougie Scaife.- Who? - The bloke he had the fight with.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- Really?- Don't look now, Anthea.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59He's a big lad. You did well there.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01- Who's the girl?- Janice Wainwright.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05- Who?- She was the cause of the fight.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- Her? - The size of her chest measurements.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11And Yugoslavia's role in the war.
0:17:11 > 0:17:18- He's seen us.- Don't start anything. I come here a lot. - I don't go looking for trouble.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22What were you saying about rhododendrons?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- I'm going to the lavatory. - Sit down!
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- Aye, night out is it?- Looks like it.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32All right, Bob.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Grand. Hello, Janice. You're looking pretty.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38What a lovely chest...I mean dress.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- This the girlfriend?- You could say.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Better than your usual slags. y
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Aye, cut above.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55- We've got some business to settle. Can't leave it like that.- No.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Any time, Terry.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Not in here, Dougie. Not at these prices.
0:18:02 > 0:18:07I was just saying, it's never not full, this place. Never not full!
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Big car park out the back.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13I want a gin before you start.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Nobody's starting anything, Janice.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18My round. What are you having?
0:18:18 > 0:18:22- Vodka and bitter lemon. - Bloody Mary, thanks.
0:18:22 > 0:18:27Lost your bottle, Terry?
0:18:30 > 0:18:34What about that, then? What about that?
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- Terry behaved impeccably.- He did.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Like Alan Ladd in Shane.
0:18:39 > 0:18:44Such dignity to turn the other cheek while his insides churned with anger.
0:18:44 > 0:18:51- My insides are churning, too. I really do need the lav... - As Anthea said, such dignity.
0:18:51 > 0:18:58- He didn't want to start it in here. - It's not that. He's learned to curb his aggressive instincts.
0:18:58 > 0:19:04- There you are, vodka and lemon, Bloody Mary.- Thank you, Terry.
0:19:04 > 0:19:09- Pardon?- Thank you.- For turning the other cheek.- Curbing your aggression.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13Oh, that! Well, he's got all his mates with him.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15He'll be in the Ship.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19If I catch him alone, I'll kick his bloody teeth in!
0:19:24 > 0:19:30I am appealing to you to forget it. Is it worth it? What's the point?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- Unfinished business. - Leave it unfinished.
0:19:33 > 0:19:39Can't. It has to be settled sooner or later. I get him or he gets me.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Why?
0:19:40 > 0:19:45The Dougie Scaifes of the world understand one language - the boot!
0:19:45 > 0:19:49I'll get mine in first. Pass us a clean hanky.
0:19:49 > 0:19:54- What for? It'll be covered in blood in half an hour.- Aye, his.
0:19:54 > 0:19:59- Does this tie go with this suit? - That's your best suit.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02What do you mean? It's me ONLY suit.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04I always wear it on a Friday night.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07You're going to have a fight.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12- Want me to wear boxing shorts and a silk dressing gown?- I give up.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15I'm a man of reason but I give up.
0:20:15 > 0:20:20- Right, matches, fags...- Hatchet, knuckle-dusters, bike chain...
0:20:20 > 0:20:23These are all I need.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- I'm not coming. - Didn't expect you would.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29- Pardon?- Never dreamed of it.- What?
0:20:29 > 0:20:33- Well, it's not your fight. - No, it isn't.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Violence appals me.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Well, you just go home and talk to your geese.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43I suppose she'll be down there - Anthea.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47She'll be there with a ringside seat and a stopwatch.
0:20:47 > 0:20:53I said to her, "It's people like you who encourage people like him."
0:20:53 > 0:20:55She's got bottle, for a librarian.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Well, I wash me hands of you.
0:20:58 > 0:21:03- Please yourself. You're going to sit and sulk?- I'll let myself out.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- See you tomorrow. - It depends, doesn't it?
0:21:06 > 0:21:10- On what? - If I've time to go to the hospital.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Aha!
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Aha!
0:21:35 > 0:21:39You got yourself down here, did you?
0:21:39 > 0:21:43- Things to be settled. You said so yourself.- Oh, did I?
0:21:43 > 0:21:46You were full of it last night.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Well, any time, Terry.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Any time, Dougie.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Do you want a beer?
0:21:56 > 0:22:00Aye, I'll have a pint of Special.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Pint of Special, Ted.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10It's all right, man. Get on with your dominoes.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- Fag?- Oh, ta.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16You know, you're not a bad lad.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18You're not a bad lad yourself.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26- I've never had anything personal. - No. No. Course not.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29That's settled, then.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Looks like it.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Cheers!
0:22:36 > 0:22:41- I prefer drinking to fighting. - Me an' all. No hard feelings?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43- Certainly not!- Good lad!
0:22:45 > 0:22:50Look...sorry if I said anything about your Janice.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54- Did you?- Apparently. She's canny, I've always thought so.
0:22:54 > 0:22:59- I fancied yours last night. Cut above!- I've got high hopes there.
0:22:59 > 0:23:04After this pint, do you fancy popping down to the Fat Ox?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06We could go to the Railway, an' all.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10- We'll miss the Drift Inn. - We'd not be welcome!
0:23:10 > 0:23:15- Hey, canny barney, though. Wasn't it?- Ha! Cracker!
0:23:15 > 0:23:20- Get that down you!- I'm just going to have a Jimmy Riddle.- Good lad.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36- Where's Terry?- Eh?
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- What did you do with Terry? - What?- Look, Doug.
0:23:40 > 0:23:46I mean, I'm not a man of violence. It appals me, it always has.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50I don't see the sense in it. I never have.
0:23:50 > 0:23:55It has to be said, Doug, you're not the friendliest of men.
0:23:55 > 0:24:01I'm assuming that even you can listen to reason, to common sense.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03I mean, we're not animals, Doug.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07If we can't listen to reason, where are we?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Do I make myself clear?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Agh!
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- You tweaked my bloody nose! - I'll pull it off!
0:24:18 > 0:24:21- Will you hell!- Aggghhh!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- Pull it off, will you? Eh?- Agghh!
0:24:27 > 0:24:33I've said before and I'll say again, we cannot tolerate this behaviour.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39No, sir.
0:24:39 > 0:24:46People cannot walk the streets or enjoy a quiet evening without the threat of violence.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Have you anything to say?
0:24:53 > 0:24:58I didn't go there to start a fight, it was to stop one.
0:24:58 > 0:25:03I'm not a violent man. I'm a man of peace, a man of reason.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07I mean, violence appals me.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Ask anyone. Ask Mr Scaife, there.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22- There you are. Get that down you. - Cheers.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Oh, come on, cheer up!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Oh, happy day.
0:25:26 > 0:25:33- I've never been here of a lunch time. - There's not many places we CAN go.
0:25:33 > 0:25:38This is one of the few places where we'll get a welcome.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Our social life's taken a knock.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44I'll be banned from lots of things.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48My application to the Round Table - forget it!
0:25:48 > 0:25:52They won't renew my subscription to the badminton club.
0:25:52 > 0:25:58- It'll be in the papers.- It might not. With luck it might not!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00- It's bound to be.- Why?- I was.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03You're better material than me.
0:26:03 > 0:26:09All the stuff that came out in court - unblemished record, ex-Queen's Scout.
0:26:09 > 0:26:14The papers love all that. It might make the dailies.
0:26:14 > 0:26:19The News of the World - "Shame of Ex-Queen's Scout!"
0:26:19 > 0:26:23Shut up! It's bad enough. I've got to face Thelma.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26"Shame of Ex-Queen's Scout's Wife!"
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Stop being so flippant and facetious.
0:26:29 > 0:26:34I'll have a criminal record - it'll have repercussions.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36What difference will it make?
0:26:36 > 0:26:39It makes a lot of difference.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41It stops you doing lots of things,
0:26:41 > 0:26:47like serving on a jury or getting a dog licence or a visa for Romania.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Who wants to go to Romania?
0:26:49 > 0:26:55We were going there this summer to see the beauties of the Balkans.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Eleven days, £43 inclusive.
0:26:58 > 0:27:03- That's very reasonable. - We won't be seeing it now, will we?
0:27:03 > 0:27:07It's nothing - a £10 fine for a punch-up in the Ship.
0:27:07 > 0:27:14Those forms ask if you've ever been convicted. There's only room for yes or no.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18You can't say, "Yes, but I was only blah blah blah."
0:27:18 > 0:27:21If it's yes, conviction, it could be anything -
0:27:21 > 0:27:24rape, arson, armed robbery.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Aye, even armed robbery. Anything's possible now.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31- Pardon?- You can handle yourself.
0:27:31 > 0:27:38What I saw of it last night, I was not unimpressed at all. You got in there first.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41No, I did not! I was retaliating.
0:27:41 > 0:27:47As you could have seen, if you hadn't been in the lavatory.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Well out of it, you, weren't you?
0:27:50 > 0:27:53You did well enough on your own, Bob.
0:27:53 > 0:27:58You must teach me your method of fighting. You confused Dougie.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02He's a mean street fighter with all the tricks.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06I bet he's not been hit by a pickled onion before.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09I'm not proud of what happened.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11I'm a man of peace, a man of reason.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14I'm not proud I sank to your level.
0:28:14 > 0:28:20Just as well you got in first or he'd have half killed you.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22- Pardon?- He'd have half killed you.
0:28:22 > 0:28:29Were you in court? He had the bandage round his head. That was my lethal chop.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33That was the edge of the domino table.
0:28:33 > 0:28:38Look, I can manage. Can you see a mark, son? I can manage.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40Welterweight at school, wasn't I?
0:28:40 > 0:28:44- I was.- That was years ago.
0:28:44 > 0:28:48You don't forget the fundamentals. Come on!
0:28:48 > 0:28:50- Watch it!- Where's your guard?
0:29:25 > 0:29:28Intelfax Subtitles by Kate Shaw for BBC Subtitling, 1995