0:00:00 > 0:00:02# Oh, what happened to you,
0:00:02 > 0:00:06# Whatever happened to me?
0:00:06 > 0:00:10# What became of the people
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# We used to be?
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# Tomorrow's almost over,
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# Today went by so fast,
0:00:20 > 0:00:25# Is the only thing to look forward to...
0:00:25 > 0:00:29# ..the past? #
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Shall I tell you something, Franco? Shall I?
0:00:37 > 0:00:41That is not an unpleasant little Burgundy.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Not a bad little Burgundy.
0:00:43 > 0:00:49- This chocolate mousse is gorgeous. - Thank you, madam. Thank you, sir.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54For a place up here, they have a good little wine list.
0:00:54 > 0:00:59- Try some. It's ever so light. - No, I'm watching my carbohydrates.
0:00:59 > 0:01:05There can't be more in this than in the wine you've knocked back.
0:01:05 > 0:01:10Darling, I do not knock it back. I'm a connoisseur.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14I sip it, with an appreciative respect for its piquancy.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I do NOT knock it back.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21OK, but you've sipped half a bottle of white,...
0:01:21 > 0:01:27A Chablis, dry, not a thoroughbred, but for the price, admirable.
0:01:27 > 0:01:34- And a bottle of red. - Robust, full-brodded...blooded Gevrey-Chambertin.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Which means you've knocked back a bottle and a half.
0:01:38 > 0:01:44- Darling, wine is my hobby. I'm not drinking, I'm learning about it.- Oh.
0:01:44 > 0:01:49Not like some. Not like Terry. He hasn't got past beer.
0:01:49 > 0:01:55To him, sophistication is a pint of Newcastle Brown with a cherry in it.
0:01:55 > 0:02:01Well, if wine gets you away from Terry and the pub, drink on, petal.
0:02:01 > 0:02:06"Fill every glass, for wine fires us with courage, love and joy."
0:02:06 > 0:02:11- What, pet?- It's a well-known quotation.- Oh!
0:02:11 > 0:02:15"Wine fires us with courage, love and joy."
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Hmm, yes, that's true in your case.
0:02:18 > 0:02:26- How come?- When we were courting, it took wine to give you courage to ask if we could make love.
0:02:26 > 0:02:32Ha, ha! Very good. So where does joy come in? Courage, love and joy?
0:02:32 > 0:02:37- Well, surely the joy was when I said "yes".- Right, yes! Ha, ha!
0:02:37 > 0:02:44But you hardly ever did. As far as I was concerned, there WAS no joy, no joy whatsoever.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Because after the wine, you were incapable.
0:02:48 > 0:02:53Wine doesn't make you incapable. It's a gentle stimulant.
0:02:53 > 0:03:00- "A good, familiar creature." The words of Shakespeare. What it does NOT do is get you legless.- Yes.
0:03:00 > 0:03:08Compliments of the Moulin Rouge. We thought you would appreciate it. Vintage port. Speciale!
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Thank you, Franco, thank you.
0:03:11 > 0:03:16What about that? Isn't that nice? We'll come here again.
0:03:16 > 0:03:22Look at the colour of that. Mmm, the bouquet. Mellow, yet positive.
0:03:22 > 0:03:31You know how they taste wine? They don't sip it like most people do. In the trade, they do it like this.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- Good, yes? Speciale! - Marvellous...sorry.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43- Cheers, George.- Thank you, sir.
0:03:43 > 0:03:49- Careful how you go. There's a match. - Aye, a friendly - with Rangers!
0:03:49 > 0:03:55- No such thing. They'll be on the rampage. - Aye, hooligans! Goodnight.- Night.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- Thank you for a lovely night. - Thank YOU for a lovely night.
0:04:00 > 0:04:07- Do port stains wash out? - Stupid waiter, creeping up. - He didn't know you were gargling.
0:04:07 > 0:04:15- I wasn't gargling. I was...- Ssshh, it's OK. It's still been lovely. Give me the keys, I'll drive.
0:04:15 > 0:04:23- No, it's all right. - I think I should.- No, pet, I'm fine. I've only had wine.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35What've I done? I've done nothing.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38HE BABBLES DRUNKENLY
0:04:38 > 0:04:43- Pull yourself together. You've nothing to worry about.- No.
0:04:43 > 0:04:49I've had a guilt thing about the police since me and Terry stole a hosepipe.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53- But you were ten. - Oh, what have I done? Nothing.
0:04:53 > 0:05:01Good evening, c-constable...officer. What a lovely evening. Quite balmy, really. What's wrong?
0:05:01 > 0:05:08- Did you know your rear offside light's not working, sir? - Is it not? W-well, I never.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12I'll buy a bulb. I-It's just had a service, too. Garages!
0:05:13 > 0:05:21But sitting up front, one isn't always aware of what's happening at the rear, is one?
0:05:21 > 0:05:24One knows thanks to your diligence.
0:05:24 > 0:05:30- Is it your car?- Yes, it is. First thing in the morning, I'll get it fixed.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35- Have you any documents to prove it's your car?- Yes, it's all here.
0:05:35 > 0:05:40First thing tomorrow, I'll fix it. I'll b-buy a bulb.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44I'll give that garage some stick, I can tell you.
0:05:45 > 0:05:50All right, then, Mr Ferris, you see to it.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57- Goodnight, then, sir. - What?...Oh, yes.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Right, it's goodnight then, is it?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Right, thank you very much. Thank you.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Bon voyage, eh?
0:06:24 > 0:06:31It's so unfair. Victimisation - end of the month and they must be down on the quota.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36They wouldn't have breathalysed you if you hadn't acted so strangely.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41You never read "The Naked Ape", did you? I lent it to you.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Thelma, has this any relevance?
0:06:44 > 0:06:50Yes. It's about how man's an animal and so wants to protect his own territory.
0:06:50 > 0:06:57Letting that policeman come to the car was aggressive, guarding your patch.
0:06:57 > 0:07:02If you'd got out, psychologically, it would have been friendly.
0:07:02 > 0:07:08Yes, Thelma, very good advice - for a gorilla being breathalysed.
0:07:12 > 0:07:18Er...we're waiting for a doctor. Next stage is the doctor, you see.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23- Is it?- The breathalyser only determines alcohol on the breath.
0:07:23 > 0:07:29The actual offence is having alcohol in the bloodstream. The bloodstream.
0:07:30 > 0:07:37The doctor determines that by taking a blood sample. Or, if your husband prefers, a urine sample.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41- Listen to what he's saying.- Hmm?
0:07:41 > 0:07:45- Blood or urine, sir? - Just a cup of tea, please.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- Bob!- What?
0:07:48 > 0:07:56I-I shall just leave this here for the time being, but as I say, you can elect to give blood.
0:07:56 > 0:08:02- I'm not giving blood!- It's only a pinprick.- I don't care, I'm not.
0:08:02 > 0:08:08- You've got to, to prove your innocence. He's not been drinking. - Thelma...
0:08:08 > 0:08:16- The breathalyser...- I don't give a fig. I was with him, he hasn't been drinking...in the drinking sense.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20- Yes.- He's only had wine, and it doesn't affect him.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- Yes, OK, pet.... - Wine is a gentle stimulant.
0:08:24 > 0:08:29- "A good, familiar creature". Shakespeare, isn't it?- Er, yes...
0:08:29 > 0:08:37He didn't have spirits, except for the teeniest vodka. He's just stuck to a bottle and a half of wine.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45- Then I'm surprised the breathalyser turned green.- Thank you. See, Bob.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48I'm surprised it didn't turn claret.
0:08:48 > 0:08:55We didn't touch the clarets. We stuck to a rather robust Gevrey-Chambertin.
0:08:55 > 0:09:01I should have taken a statement. If I'd only had it in writing. Oh, well.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05SHOUTING IN CORRIDOR
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- What's that? - Lots of football rowdies.
0:09:08 > 0:09:15- Go home, pet. They'll let you drive. - Are you sure? - Yes. You hardly drank anything.
0:09:15 > 0:09:20- You don't want me to wait? - No, you've done enough damage.
0:09:20 > 0:09:27- I've done what?- "Apart from a tiny vodka, my husband stuck to his bottles of wine!"
0:09:27 > 0:09:31And a barrel of brandy on the bypass!
0:09:31 > 0:09:37Well, fancy getting in the back! I offered to drive - "No, I'm fine."
0:09:37 > 0:09:42- Just go on home, Thelma. - I'll leave the downstairs light on.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45SLAMS DOOR
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Get off!
0:10:07 > 0:10:15You have no right! What about justice? Civil liberties? I'll write to my MP! I'll get the law!
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Fascists!
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Bob?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31What on earth are you doing here?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I've been breathalysed.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36No?
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I have.
0:10:38 > 0:10:44- Seriously?- Yes. What do you think I'm doing here - social work?
0:10:44 > 0:10:49I saw Thelma outside but I thought "No, what could she be doing here?"
0:10:49 > 0:10:55I'd have said "hi" but I was saving my vitals from a size 12 boot.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59- Was that you shouting?- Defending my rights.- Why are you here?
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- Wrongful arrest, that's why. - What happened?
0:11:03 > 0:11:10We were coming back from the match. Minding our own business, like. Not looking for trouble.
0:11:10 > 0:11:18We turned into Clayton Street, bang into some Scots, waving bottles, bitter on defeating red biddy.
0:11:18 > 0:11:26Nothing mellow about a legless Jock. He won't shake your hand and whistle "Auld Lang Syne".
0:11:26 > 0:11:31- What happened?- We were on them before you could say "up your kilt".
0:11:31 > 0:11:36- Charming!- It was self-defence. We didn't want trouble.
0:11:36 > 0:11:41- No(!)- One thing I know about Scots, follow the golden rule.
0:11:41 > 0:11:46- What?- Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. Only do it first.
0:11:46 > 0:11:51- My God! I don't know.- What? - Nothing, just thinking.
0:11:51 > 0:11:57- Thinking what?- How far we've drifted apart on the social scene.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00I mean, all right, we're both here, right.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05I'm here due to my keen interest in the finer points of wine.
0:12:05 > 0:12:11You're here because you've committed GBH on a Scotsman's groin.
0:12:11 > 0:12:16Both criminals in law. Being middle class doesn't put you above the law.
0:12:16 > 0:12:22It's unfair. I'm just having a nice, civilised evening out with the wife.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26- I'm here due to a wonky rear. - And the breathalyser.
0:12:26 > 0:12:34The police should have better things to do. Like arresting burglars and rapists and muggers.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39- Or football thugs on the rampage. - They are, that's why I'm here.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Yes, and I have to share my anteroom with you.
0:12:43 > 0:12:50Fancy putting violent offenders in with innocent motorists like me. Why are you in here with me?
0:12:50 > 0:12:55I'm here because there is doubt about my alleged guilt.
0:12:55 > 0:13:01It's an obvious case of wrongful arrest. Besides all the cells are full up.
0:13:01 > 0:13:07- You'll end up in jail, you.- I have. And who do I bump into? Ferris!
0:13:07 > 0:13:15You'll get kicked out the badminton club when this leaks out. And when Thelma's sewing circle hears...!
0:13:15 > 0:13:24It's not funny, you know. If I'm positive, I'll lose my licence for a year. Automatic. It's so unfair.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28It took you years to get it an' all.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Pardon?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34No, but it did, didn't it?
0:13:35 > 0:13:39Wasn't it the hill-starts you kept cocking up?
0:13:39 > 0:13:43And the emergency stop. I was too good at that.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Once the examiner hit his head on the windscreen. Bang!
0:13:47 > 0:13:52How could he judge me fairly, suffering from concussion?
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Years to get it, and a moment's indiscretion.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59DID you have too much to drink?
0:13:59 > 0:14:05- Just wine.- Just wine? That could mean...just a bottle and a half.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Did you talk to Thelma out there? - No. What's up?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Nothing.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17It's so unfair.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21We won.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Pardon?
0:14:24 > 0:14:29- We won the match.- Oh?- Best game for ages. You should have been there.
0:14:29 > 0:14:35Too right! Then I wouldn't be here. All I'd suffer would be a fine.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Certainly not a year's suspension. It's so unfair.
0:14:43 > 0:14:49- You're waiting for the doctor, are you? Isn't that what happens? - Apparently.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Takes blood, doesn't he?- Or that.
0:14:52 > 0:14:59- You haven't.- You wouldn't be playing around with it if I had. - True. Why haven't you?
0:14:59 > 0:15:01I can't.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04You can't have drunk that much then.
0:15:04 > 0:15:11That'll stand up in court(!) "My client must be sober because he can't manage a pee."
0:15:11 > 0:15:17Don't get all shirty with me. I'm only trying to help you, aren't I?
0:15:17 > 0:15:24I mean, the longer you can't go, the better it is, surely. It must give you more chance to get sober.
0:15:24 > 0:15:30- The longer it takes the doctor to get here, the better, surely.- Yes.
0:15:30 > 0:15:37- The longer it takes, yes. - And if you do want to go, don't. Keep on saying you can't.
0:15:37 > 0:15:44They can't prove anything. You just sit there...defiant, with your legs crossed.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Defiantly, yes. They can't prove anything.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53- On the other hand...- What?- You see, it depends on your metabolism.
0:15:53 > 0:15:59- What?- With some people, alcohol reaches the bloodstream quicker.
0:15:59 > 0:16:07It CAN be good to have the doctor get to you late. However, it could be the quicker the better.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- What sort am I? - That's it - we don't know.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14That's typical! You build me up and...oh, rats!
0:16:14 > 0:16:20I'm a pedestrian. One of the foot-sore masses who keep our streets safe.
0:16:20 > 0:16:27But if I drove, I'd know the answers to drinking and driving. Don't look like that.
0:16:27 > 0:16:35If you drink, don't drive. If you do, then drink moderately. If you can't, then wait.
0:16:35 > 0:16:43Have lots of sweet coffee, or better, a jar of honey. Then, only if you must, drive home...carefully.
0:16:43 > 0:16:49You're behaving. That's more important than ever these days.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53You're behaving like a dutiful, law-abiding citizen.
0:16:53 > 0:16:58- If I do that and still get done? - You bribe the policeman.
0:16:58 > 0:17:05- Dear me!- Look, man, you should have had the money ready inside your licence.- What?
0:17:05 > 0:17:13He asks for it. "Oh, I see, sir. Be more careful next time. Goodnight, pleasant journey." There you are.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17It's not America, you know. You're outrageous.
0:17:17 > 0:17:22You what? You think the law's above corruption. You're so naive.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25They live on bribes, the police.
0:17:25 > 0:17:32The American police live on bribes. It makes you realise what a good job our boys are...oh, hello.
0:17:33 > 0:17:38- Are you taking the... - No, that's what you're here for.
0:17:41 > 0:17:46Now, just be careful, lad, just you be very careful.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53I can't. I can't. I'm trying.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Doctor's on his way.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01I can see me trying to bribe him(!)
0:18:01 > 0:18:06You've been scared of the law since we nicked that hosepipe once.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10Well, the doctor's on his way. That's it, then.
0:18:10 > 0:18:17- Maybe not. It depends on your metabolism.- No, I'm bound to have the wrong sort.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21Oh! All I'm doing is having a nice evening out. Huh!
0:18:21 > 0:18:28- What, apart from everything else, what was the meal like? - Very good. Very good.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31And you only drank wine, did you?
0:18:31 > 0:18:39Yes, we had a bottle of white, Chablis, dry, admirable. And a bottle of Gevrey-Chambertin, 1969.
0:18:39 > 0:18:46- Oh, aye?- Yes, very good. Not unimpressive at all. Not unimpressive.- Good, good.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- Not up to your '67, of course. - No, quite.
0:18:49 > 0:18:56- Just you and Thelma?- Yes. - You must have had a bottle and a half, at least?
0:18:56 > 0:18:59If you put it that way...yes!
0:18:59 > 0:19:05- That's it?- I had an aperitif. One does, doesn't one? - Oh, aye, one does(!)
0:19:05 > 0:19:11- A small vodka, tiny. Oh, and I did have a port.- Oh, a port an' all?
0:19:11 > 0:19:17Yes, excellent, vintage. They sent it across, compliments of the house.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19- They could tell.- Tell what?
0:19:19 > 0:19:24- That I would appreciate it, because er, I was...- An alcoholic.
0:19:24 > 0:19:32- A connoisseur.- A drunk. You'd have had to give the police your car to bribe your way out of this!
0:19:32 > 0:19:39Well, the car's not much use, now I've rotten had it. A year's suspension. Automatic.
0:19:39 > 0:19:45I've always had a clean licence an' all. No-claims bonus, all that.
0:19:45 > 0:19:51A few minor offences. Parking on a double yellow line by the dry-cleaner's.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54And...speeding in a safari park.
0:19:54 > 0:19:59You what? Scared of the lions, were you?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02I was trying to shake off a baboon.
0:20:04 > 0:20:09He was on the boot, pulling off the GB plate, scratching the metalwork.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13That must have sounded incredible in court.
0:20:13 > 0:20:21No more safari park outings now. Or picnics or trips to the Lake District or the Cheviots.
0:20:21 > 0:20:28How'll I get to work? Thelma'll have to take me. But she finishes before me.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30I'll have to catch the bus home.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Then walk all the way from Weston Way.
0:20:34 > 0:20:41That wind is awful. Sundays, I won't be able to have a drink up the coast.
0:20:41 > 0:20:47Unless Malcolm goes. And he can't drop me back cos he lunches with his in-laws. God!
0:20:47 > 0:20:55- My whole social life as such is finished.- Pull yourself together, man. It's not as bad as all that.
0:20:55 > 0:21:00You can be a pedestrian and still get something out of life.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- Like what?- Well, like...exercise.
0:21:03 > 0:21:10I get plenty at the badminton club. Oh, I can't do that now. Not without a car.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13It REALLY means that much to you, doesn't it?
0:21:13 > 0:21:18Yes. The day I got my first car was one of the best of my life.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23Nothing's ever topped that feeling, that elation.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Marrying Thelma came close, of course.
0:21:34 > 0:21:41- I'll take that.- What? - You won't lose your licence, Bob. Drive on, baby, drive on.
0:21:41 > 0:21:47- What?- They want a sample. They'll get one, but they don't have to know whose.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51- You can't!- Shut up and keep watch.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- You can't.- The perfect way out, man. - But...
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Nothing wrong with Collier '74.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Not as good as the '67, mind.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05But it's an illegal act in a police station.
0:22:05 > 0:22:12- Crafty.- A miscarriage of justice. - You'll have a miscarriage if you don't get a grip.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Well, hurry up then.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- What's wrong?- I can't go.
0:22:25 > 0:22:30Well, you've got me in such a state, I can. In fact, I've GOT to!
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Where is he?
0:22:35 > 0:22:39I'm off duty now. The doc'll be here in a jiff.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46I'm sorry, kidda.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48It's all right. It was a good idea.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52- It would have worked an' all. - I know, I know.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54You forgot that.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58Oh, no! I'll have to give blood now.
0:23:02 > 0:23:10- It CAN work, you said so yourself. - Yes, but...- Look, kid, it's your licence.- But...- It can work.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14I'm Dr McKae. Who's...er, Ferris, is that it?
0:23:14 > 0:23:19Er, yes, Ferris with two Rs. You'll be wanting some blood, will you?
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Yes, just roll up your sleeve.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25That's the thing.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28And, er, where did they nab you, eh?
0:23:30 > 0:23:34On the bypass. Wasn't that what you said, Mr Ferris?
0:23:34 > 0:23:39- Aye, yes.- Well, you seem compos mentis to me.- Is that good or bad?
0:23:39 > 0:23:45I'll make up two samples - one of which you will retain and er...
0:23:45 > 0:23:49if you like, you can obtain your own...private analysis.
0:23:49 > 0:23:55- OK. - Well, thank you, doctor(!)- Right.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Collier?
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Well, Collier?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Yes. Me, sergeant.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Away then, we've got a cell for you now.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Cell?
0:24:12 > 0:24:19What did you expect - bail(?) You'll be charged in the morning - disorderly conduct.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24Come on, lad. Move, laddie!
0:24:27 > 0:24:29I said move!
0:24:43 > 0:24:46OK, no hard feelings then, eh, pal?
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- No, no. - But next time, we'll HAVE you.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Pssst! Bob.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03What happened?
0:25:03 > 0:25:07- I...YOU were fined ten quid. - Not bound over?
0:25:07 > 0:25:12Just a fine, and humiliation, and sweat and fear.
0:25:12 > 0:25:17- You saw Thelma?- Yes. Told her not to come because you were being me.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21She knows. She's an accessory... How did she take it?
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Well...she took it.
0:25:23 > 0:25:28- Yes, but how? - Well, she sort of...reacted.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33- But HOW? - Well...with sort of...hysterics.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35God!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I've gone grey overnight.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43I have. I've gone grey overnight.
0:25:44 > 0:25:52- Cheers!- Cheers!- Clear as crystal, it's always good here. Jack knows how to keep beer.
0:25:52 > 0:25:59- It's a good drop. - It's the best in the district! Wine drinking's ruining your palate.
0:25:59 > 0:26:04In future, I'll only drink wine at home. Or I'll take taxis.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07I've learnt. No more drink-driving.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12Aye, well, all's well that ends well. Cheers!
0:26:12 > 0:26:16It's not a celebration to crime.
0:26:16 > 0:26:23- But we are celebrating.- It took all night to sort it in my mind. I nearly confessed.
0:26:23 > 0:26:28Then I realised I hadn't done anything. And I'd have got off.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32Because I've got long-distance metabolism.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Oh, I'm so glad(!)
0:26:34 > 0:26:40- But I had a nasty moment.- What?- I went to pay the fine by cheque.- So?
0:26:40 > 0:26:47A cheque, man. That would have looked good(!) T Collier paying with an R Ferris cheque.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52I'd have been done for passing dud cheques. Or YOU would.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Lucky I had ten quid. Which you owe me.
0:26:55 > 0:27:04Oh, thank you(!) Thank you very much(!) God knows, it's little enough after all I've done for you.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08I have saved your entire social life as you know it.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11All right, I'm not ungrateful.
0:27:12 > 0:27:20- Hey.- What?- Well, come on, admit it. - Admit what?- Well, who else would have got away with it, eh?
0:27:20 > 0:27:24No, there's nothing to gloat about.
0:27:24 > 0:27:31- We did, though, didn't we? - We bloody did.- Under their noses! - We put one over them!
0:27:31 > 0:27:36- Who says crime doesn't pay?- Right now they're going over your blood.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40They'll put a note on it - "This horse is unfit for work."
0:27:40 > 0:27:44- Let's have a celebration short. - Good lad! Jack!
0:27:44 > 0:27:50- Brandies! Doubles!- Brandy? The hair of the dog, eh?- That's it, aye!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53What did he mean - hair of the dog?
0:27:53 > 0:27:56I was in last night, wasn't I?
0:27:56 > 0:28:01- You were drinking?- I was in. - Enough to need hair of the dog?
0:28:01 > 0:28:07- It's just an expression. - Used when you have a hangover.
0:28:07 > 0:28:12It was only beer. Not drinking in the drinking sense.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16ONLY beer? Your nightly consumption's a gallon.
0:28:16 > 0:28:21You've dropped me in it, you inconsiderate, thoughtless idiot!
0:28:21 > 0:28:27Don't you talk to me like that! I shed my blood for you!
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Yes, but what bloody blood?
0:28:29 > 0:28:36- I- was only marginal. This isn't even red. It's dark brown.
0:28:38 > 0:28:42My God, it's even got a head on it!
0:29:08 > 0:29:13Intelfax Subtitles by Sophie Brown for BBC Subtitling, 1995