0:00:02 > 0:00:05# Oh, what happened to you?
0:00:05 > 0:00:08# Whatever happened to me?
0:00:08 > 0:00:15# What became of the people we used to be?
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Tomorrow's almost over
0:00:18 > 0:00:22# Today went by so fast
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# Is the only thing to look forward to...
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# The past? #
0:00:36 > 0:00:42I got you a nice bit of cake and some ham. It looks really nice.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Shall I make sandwiches? No. A cup of tea's lovely.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48HAMMERING
0:00:48 > 0:00:51What's that? Terry's putting up shelves.
0:00:51 > 0:00:56Then he's doing that landing window. Peace offering, is it?
0:00:56 > 0:01:00I should think so too. I've never been so embarrassed
0:01:03 > 0:01:06There's tea here if you want it
0:01:06 > 0:01:08I'm getting the washing in.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12I've NEVER been so embarrassed
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Is it sugared?
0:01:17 > 0:01:22Do you want a sandwich? No, thanks. Where's Mam?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24In the back yard, avoiding you
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Oh, you've heard.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Yes, I have and me mam's very upset.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I know. God, it was embarrassing!
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Who was she? Just a lass I know
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Works in the sweet factory. I've known her a while.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43I hope so judging by what was going on.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I thought they'd be in bed.
0:01:46 > 0:01:51Just my luck ` Mam wins at bingo and goes out to celebrate. Typical!
0:01:51 > 0:01:57My number comes up and so does HERS. Elsie came back, and Mrs Arkwright.
0:01:57 > 0:02:04Snooty sow. Since her cousin was on "Down Your Way", she thinks she's Isobel bloody Barnett.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09DOOR SLAMS
0:02:09 > 0:02:14They went in the front room to impress Mrs Arkwright.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17When has anybody used that room
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Nobody has since the coronation
0:02:19 > 0:02:24Mam takes the vicar in there and the Avon lady.
0:02:24 > 0:02:29Not at night-time! I found a copy of Picture Post under the cushion.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32You live here. Don't abuse the house.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35I'm a man! Hell, I've been married.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38And a man has...appetites.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Well, you should eat out.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I've got no place to go.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47That's me problem, apart from me hair falling out
0:02:47 > 0:02:52What were you doing? Not reading the Picture Post.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57How far had things...well, you know. We'd passed the point of no return.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Mrs Arkwright needed smelling salts.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04The poor lass was none too nonchalant.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Hello, Audrey.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09I believe you dropped this, pet
0:03:09 > 0:03:13He's dropped enough lately. Anything unusual?
0:03:13 > 0:03:17A man has appetites. Here, have a strong mint.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20A cup of tea, Bob? No thanks, pet.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22How's Thelma? She's fine.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26We're going away for the weekend. Where to?
0:03:26 > 0:03:31We're going skiing in Scotland Friday to Tuesday, ?25 all in
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Skiing again? You ARE getting keen.
0:03:33 > 0:03:39Your honeymoon didn't put you off? He came back in plaster.
0:03:39 > 0:03:45How many times does it have to be said? I did not do that skiing
0:03:45 > 0:03:47I did it on the aeroplane steps
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Are you any good?
0:03:50 > 0:03:55My instructor says I'm talented He sends me off on long runs.
0:03:55 > 0:04:01You know why, surely? While you were off in the distance, he was pulling your Thelma.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06He's jealous cos he he's never been skiing or done anything like that.
0:04:06 > 0:04:11It's of no interest to me whatsoever. I do the sports I enjoy.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14As Mrs Arkwright can testify.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Ooh, what's this? Nothing for your ears!
0:04:18 > 0:04:25Mam brought people back and he was on the sitting-room floor seducing a sweet wrapper.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Sweet wrapper. My word!
0:04:30 > 0:04:35She's not a sweet wrapper, thank you. She's a cut above that.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37She's a rock breaker.
0:04:37 > 0:04:43In prison, is she? She breaks rock into foot-long lengths.
0:04:43 > 0:04:48Where do you find them? Do you hang around the trading estate
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Last week, she was an egg packer.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56Canny lass. She really fancied me. Go to work on an egg!
0:04:56 > 0:05:01She thought I was one of the best ` she stamped a little lion on me bum.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06You're so crude, it's a wonder you can get girls at all.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Well, I can't. Not in this house.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11I'm off. Righto, pet.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Love to Thelma. Have a good weekend.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Righto, Aud. Regards to Ern.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Hey, who was the girl you were with on Tuesday?
0:05:21 > 0:05:26When? Tuesday. We saw you out of the car window.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29She was wobbling along on her heels.
0:05:29 > 0:05:34That's her, Pamela. Right, yes She looked like a rock breaker
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Hello, Bob. Hello, Mrs C.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40You do look smart.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45You look well. How's Thelma? Fine.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48How's the new house? It's coming along.
0:05:48 > 0:05:53But there's so much to do and what with work and night school ..
0:05:53 > 0:05:59I have to creosote the fence and... I can't tell you. I've been doing a lot, haven't I?
0:06:04 > 0:06:08You've done well. You must be a comfort to your mother.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11She must be proud of you.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21You know, you are a great credit to your mother and to your Thelma.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24They must both be very proud of you.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Pardon?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Working the way you do, and getting the house together
0:06:31 > 0:06:35even though you have to go to work.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38I don't know how you do it. I couldn't.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Then I lead such an aimless life.
0:06:40 > 0:06:46I haven't got your...you know.. You're a model to us all, Bob.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Am I? Certainly.
0:06:48 > 0:06:53Do you know what would give me pleasure? Give me satisfaction?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Helping you.
0:06:55 > 0:07:02Somehow making a contribution to help you make that lovely new home of yours.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04How do you mean?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07For example, take this weekend
0:07:07 > 0:07:13Wouldn't it be nice to come back and find those boring jobs done
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Course it would. I could do 'em
0:07:15 > 0:07:19That's one of the things I meant, you see?
0:07:19 > 0:07:22The fence, the re-wiring. Well, I...
0:07:22 > 0:07:26No, I won't hear of payment. It's reward enough.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I'll get the keys in the morning.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32What? I'll get the keys tomorrow.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Do you take me for a clown?
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Pardon?
0:07:37 > 0:07:40You think I'd fall for that rubbish?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42I don't think I quite follow.
0:07:42 > 0:07:47"To contribute to your new house would give me great satisfaction."
0:07:47 > 0:07:52I bet! With a succession of rock packers and egg breakers.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55I've made you a sincere offer of help.
0:07:55 > 0:08:01Don't deny it was for your own ends. To get your own ends away, in fact.
0:08:01 > 0:08:07Does it matter? I'll have my way but I'll creosote your fence first.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10What about the neighbours and property values?
0:08:10 > 0:08:15You'd have the fence done, the garden turned over,
0:08:15 > 0:08:18your new kitchen cupboards up..
0:08:18 > 0:08:21There is a hell of a lot to do
0:08:21 > 0:08:26There's a can opener to go up and a new dimmer in the bedroom
0:08:26 > 0:08:30No trouble! Thelma would never have to know
0:08:30 > 0:08:33She needn't. It'll be a surprise!
0:08:33 > 0:08:40The cleaner doesn't come till Tuesday, and the Lawsons are away so you couldn't upset them.
0:08:40 > 0:08:46If, I'm saying IF I agree, promise to leave the house immaculate
0:08:46 > 0:08:52You won't do anything that would harm my standing in the community?
0:08:52 > 0:08:58I promise, Bob. All right then, I'll give you a key. I must be mad!
0:08:58 > 0:09:05Listen, Terry. About your women I mean...you will be on the Elm Lodge housing estate
0:09:05 > 0:09:10I'm sick of everybody talking about my women as if they were deck hands.
0:09:10 > 0:09:16They're canny lasses you'd be proud to take anywhere or meet anybody.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21I'm sure they're sweet, enchanting well-educated young ladies.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26Just don't take them up to my house in daylight.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32WHISTLING
0:09:32 > 0:09:37Mornin', my little treasure. Ooh! Oh, is it?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Hello, Terry.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43I caught you, didn't I?
0:09:43 > 0:09:47So Thelma's your little treasure, is she?
0:09:47 > 0:09:53It's true, you milkmen go around whirring your way into housewives' affections.
0:09:53 > 0:09:58It beats the sheet-metal foundry. Little treasure. Caught you!
0:09:58 > 0:10:02What are you doing here? Carpentry, my son.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Marriage hasn't split you and Bob up.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Is she in the spare and you're in with Bob?
0:10:08 > 0:10:13The Ferrises are skiing with the jetset in the Grampians.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16So one pint, thank you.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20You're staying here, are you? Trying out estate living.
0:10:20 > 0:10:25I was woken by the mass chokes of 1,000 family saloons.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Everything's the same here ` every house.
0:10:28 > 0:10:33If I go to the shop, I leave a trail to find my way back.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Why are you staying here, then
0:10:35 > 0:10:40Ahh, this might turn out to be a little, semi-detached sexual haven.
0:10:40 > 0:10:45My house has got character but it's also got parents and thin walls.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48These walls aren't thick. You'd know.
0:10:48 > 0:10:53We have our moments. There's a security for milkmen `
0:10:53 > 0:10:58freer than postmen, more reliable than salesmen, cleaner than coal men.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02The lad on the ice-cream van plays a perky tune.
0:11:02 > 0:11:10Lionel? The fellas converting people to gas are on to a good thing too, always coming back to fix things!
0:11:10 > 0:11:13More goes on than meets the eye
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Why not go to the launderette tonight?
0:11:16 > 0:11:21Not tonight, Les, I'm getting steamed up in my own way.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Who's this with? Never you mind
0:11:24 > 0:11:28Just leave an extra pint in the morning. Ahh.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32They seem a nice type of person here.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35The Mackenzies are nice. Dan and Kathleen.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39The old magic's still there.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42They live near us, the Maple Park estate.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45He must be doing terribly well
0:11:45 > 0:11:50After Norway, I'll be further ahead than most
0:11:50 > 0:11:53He must be doing terribly well. Who?
0:11:53 > 0:11:58Dan Mackenzie. He'll be no better than me. He's not been in Norway.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00I mean his income, darling.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05What a lovely house they've got We have too.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08We will have when you do those jobs.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12They'll all be done by next weekend. How can they be?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14How? Yes, er, well...
0:12:14 > 0:12:18I've promised myself to get everything done.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Ah, that'll be lovely.
0:12:21 > 0:12:27Then we can have people round for dinner parties. I miss it, you know?
0:12:27 > 0:12:28What?
0:12:28 > 0:12:33Home. I love going away, but I love getting back.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36PHONE RINGS I'll go.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Hello. Oh, hello, Mum.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43No, we're fine. He hasn't hurt himself at all yet.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49What? The house? What's wrong?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Mum went round with some curtain material.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54What?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Who?
0:12:56 > 0:13:01Doing what? Who with? Just a minute. WHERE are you going?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03I just thought I'd...er...
0:13:03 > 0:13:09I'd just...pop down to the heated indoor pool, as it said in the brochure,
0:13:09 > 0:13:12and drown myself.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16KNOCK
0:13:16 > 0:13:18To what do I owe this privilege
0:13:18 > 0:13:25Mam says you're not staying at someone's house without clean pyjamas.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30There's no milk for tea. He hasn't come. I don't know what he's up to.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34What were YOU up to last night What? I know.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38How? God, there's not much privacy on these estates.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Was it the same girl? Yes.
0:13:43 > 0:13:49How was I to know Thelma's mother would come round with new curtains?
0:13:49 > 0:13:53She didn't knock. She's got a key. God preserve us!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56God preserve me!
0:13:56 > 0:13:59You can't abuse people's houses
0:13:59 > 0:14:06I didn't! I'd finished them cupboards and creosoted half the bloody fence. People should knock.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11Bob says it musn't happen again He phoned you? I'm under surveillance.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15Hasn't he rung you? Hourly. It musn't happen again.
0:14:15 > 0:14:20That girl never wants to see me again. She's a nervous wreck
0:14:20 > 0:14:23She thinks it's a conspiracy.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28Every time she tries to grab a little...happiness, people barge in.
0:14:28 > 0:14:33Before Mrs Chambers, there was a stream of interruptions.
0:14:33 > 0:14:38Somebody with a petition about the grass verges. They are in a state.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42The curate in bicycle clips with a tin for the Wildlife Fund.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45I nearly creosoted him.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48That's Rev Pellin. Ginger hair
0:14:48 > 0:14:53Probably. Kids wanting to wash cars. Payment for the Methodist Weekly.
0:14:53 > 0:14:58A woman wanted to know if I had a front-loading automatic.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I wish I had, I'd have shot her
0:15:00 > 0:15:03You need to get your own place.
0:15:03 > 0:15:10It's lucky you've got clean pyjamas ` all the spectators you get, you need them!
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I'm going. Mornin'!
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Don't you want tea? I haven't got time.
0:15:15 > 0:15:20Don't go. He ordered this specially. I beg your pardon.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Not bad. Mature, but it's all there, isn't it?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28That's my sister, you fool.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Really? Sorry. Where does she live?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Sycamore. That's Norman's turf
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Where's your little treasure?
0:15:36 > 0:15:41We're not talking about that. Oh, dear! Went sour, did it?
0:15:41 > 0:15:45Like your milk. It's all on this estate, if you're on the pull.
0:15:45 > 0:15:51I'm not interested. I've got to keep me nose clean and work.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54I'm under surveillance, aren't I?
0:15:54 > 0:16:01My sister and Thelma's mum are taking shifts, with a telescope on me door and me bed bugged.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05More's the pity cos there's a lot of it about.
0:16:05 > 0:16:11Just up the road, number 39. Oh-hoh! What do you mean?
0:16:11 > 0:16:17You're on a promise there, Terry. Honest. Number 39.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21No. Me system wouldn't take it
0:16:21 > 0:16:26I'll always make love looking over me left shoulder.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29As you like. Want a cup of tea
0:16:29 > 0:16:31No, I won't. I'm a bit behind.
0:16:31 > 0:16:36There are other things in life, Les, than nooky.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38DOOR CLOSES
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Like carpentry or creosoting.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Ohh.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Here's your razor. Oh, thanks, pet.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51You leave everything ` the sponge bag in Cyprus last year.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54You nearly left the travelling clock.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58It never works abroad. I don't think it travels well.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03What are you wearing to go back in? Well, I'm just going back like this.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07So people know you've been skiing? I have been.
0:17:07 > 0:17:14The pride of the nursery slopes .. also the veteran. What do you mean?
0:17:14 > 0:17:20Everyone else went on to steeper things. I only stayed to keep you company.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24I held you back? The Mackenzies did the slalom.
0:17:24 > 0:17:30They were limping last night and sat the discotheque out in agony.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Which is more than you were doing. What do you mean?
0:17:34 > 0:17:38You were fluent on the dance floor with that Morag.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Who? The children's nurse from Peebles.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47Oh, her. Well, yes... What's wrong? Don't you like her?
0:17:47 > 0:17:52I just think she's a bit uninhibited for a children's nurse from Peebles.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55She'd be restrained in the nursery.
0:17:55 > 0:18:00There are lots of single girls I hadn't noticed.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03They've always had someone to dance with.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07You had more exercise dancing than skiing.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12The reason I'm in such demand is I'm the only limp-free male here!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14The dining room was a casualty ward.
0:18:14 > 0:18:20The Lowries ` broken arm. Him with the moustache ` bruised tendons.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24The honeymoon couple in the annexe ` groin strain.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28That might not be the skiing. Ho! Ho!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31You won't get groin strain.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34You've fallen asleep straightaway.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38It's the fresh air, isn't it? And dancing.
0:18:38 > 0:18:44You seemed content rabbiting to that Charles. He's most amusing.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48You don't laugh at my jokes. It's the WAY he told them.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51With his tongue in your ear.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55You were hardly aloof with Janet. I was sociable.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58What did you write on her plaster?
0:18:58 > 0:19:03It was a joke! She tried very hard to rub it off as they limped to bed.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Thelma, you've been in a foul mood this weekend.
0:19:07 > 0:19:12Whose fault's that? It's been impossible for me to relax.
0:19:12 > 0:19:19I know, but according to the latest bulletin, nothing untoward's occurred since he...er...
0:19:19 > 0:19:23He's done the fence. The back fence is gleaming.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26And he's only been out for a paper,
0:19:26 > 0:19:33and there's been no female visitors except that big Jehovah's Witness,
0:19:33 > 0:19:35and even Terry wouldn't leap on her.
0:19:35 > 0:19:40What's he done under cover of night? That girl from the sweet factory...
0:19:40 > 0:19:44All right, we'll search the bed for toffee papers!
0:19:49 > 0:19:52DOORBELL Oh, God! Now what?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54It's open. Let yourself through
0:19:54 > 0:19:58They'll want to know what washing powder I use.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Mr Ferris? He's not here. What is it?
0:20:01 > 0:20:06Sorry to disturb you. I saw you through the window. I need a man.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07Pardon?
0:20:07 > 0:20:14The only other one around, next door, isn't very... you know, after his illness.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Isn't he? I... What exactly...?
0:20:17 > 0:20:23My bathroom tap has stuck. I can t turn it on. I need a strong arm
0:20:23 > 0:20:27I'm sorry but I'm tied up. It wouldn't take long.
0:20:27 > 0:20:32They're back today and all the floorboards are up in their bedroom.
0:20:32 > 0:20:38I'd be ever so grateful. Perhaps later. Where do you live?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Just up the road. Number 39.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43I'll get me wrench.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01HORN HOOTS
0:21:30 > 0:21:35Home again. Ooh, the light looks lovely.
0:21:35 > 0:21:41Terry's finished the cupboard, he's put a plug on the mixer and the can opener's up.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Isn't the light lovely? It's super.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Doesn't it go well? I'm amazed
0:21:47 > 0:21:52All that worry about what he'd be getting up to. I wonder where he is.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Take the cases up and I'll make tea.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Right. He can't be far, his jacket's there.
0:21:58 > 0:22:03I must admit I owe an apology to Terry and to you, pet.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07I take back all I said. He's been a true friend.
0:22:07 > 0:22:12The house looks lovely. Everything's done and not a thing's out of place.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Agghh!
0:22:16 > 0:22:20Right. It's fixed. You can have your bath now.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Bless you! Say when. When! When!
0:22:23 > 0:22:27Women's Lib's fine but for some things you need a man.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Yes, well. Cheers.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35That's a nice cocktail cabinet
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Mmm. Arnold made it ` my husband.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41It's his hobby, woodwork. That and model aircraft.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45That's interesting. Do you think so?
0:22:45 > 0:22:51It's immature for a man to spend all his time making model airplanes.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54He stinks of balsa wood and glue.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Still, it is nice to have a hobby.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59It's more. It's an obsession.
0:22:59 > 0:23:05He hasn't spoken to me for two weeks since I stood on his Flying Fortress.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07What does he do for a living, like?
0:23:07 > 0:23:12He's a rep, in pet foods. I suppose there are worse jobs
0:23:12 > 0:23:16So, then...he travels about a bit, does he?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Oh, yes. He's got a very big area.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25Sometimes... he's away for days on end.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Oh?
0:23:27 > 0:23:30He'll be back tonight, though. Oh.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33But not till eight.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Oh?
0:23:35 > 0:23:40Listen, don't let me hold you up. There's no mad rush.
0:23:40 > 0:23:45I'm keeping you from the floorboards. They won't be moving.
0:23:45 > 0:23:50Are you like my husband, always doing jobs around the house?
0:23:50 > 0:23:55No, carpentry is an interest, not an obsession.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57What are your obsessions?
0:23:57 > 0:24:02The same as your average, healthy male ` sex and football
0:24:02 > 0:24:06In what order? Depends what day of the week it is.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10You mean, Saturday it'd be football?
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Obviously.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Course, er, today's Tuesday.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20Are there any midweek fixtures? Nothing's definitely arranged.
0:24:20 > 0:24:25I bet you're Sagittarius. I'm what?
0:24:25 > 0:24:29Your sign. You're very direct, aren't you?
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Yes, very direct, but as a matter of fact I'm Piss-keys.
0:24:33 > 0:24:38No! I would have never thought that.
0:24:38 > 0:24:44They do say Piss-keys people just drift along on the thermal currents of life
0:24:44 > 0:24:50What does that mean? You drift around and take whatever comes along.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52That sounds like me.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57I am free and unattached. And you don't smell of balsa wood.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00WATER GUSHES
0:25:00 > 0:25:04The name's Terry. Sandra. Nice to meet you.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Oh, my God! What, lovey, what?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12I forgot to turn the tap off.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Oh!
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Welcome home!
0:25:54 > 0:25:56I warned you.
0:25:56 > 0:26:01I warned you! We did not do this skiing.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04We did not do this skiing!
0:26:07 > 0:26:12WE DID NOT DO THIS SK-I-I-I-I-ING!
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Oh, you're back. Wah-hah!
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Terry said you went skiing.
0:26:22 > 0:26:27I didn't do this skiing. Resume the two pints and strawberry yoghurt.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Oh, right.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Did YOU order the Methodist Weekly?
0:26:31 > 0:26:36Grapefruit or orange juice? Pardon, darling? Grapefruit or orange?
0:26:36 > 0:26:42Oh, um... Oh, come on, Thelma. Give us a smile. Don't be upset
0:26:42 > 0:26:48Why should I be? You're hurt, I'm concussed and there's a hole in the bloody ceiling.
0:26:48 > 0:26:53I know, darling, I know that I know but his intentions were good.
0:26:53 > 0:26:58Look at the can opener and the cupboard. I daren't open it.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02He did the garden and the fence looks lovely.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07You said all that yourself before... before... A grapefruit, please.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11I don't want you to exaggerate the problems.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Some day we'll laugh about this
0:27:14 > 0:27:16The plasterers are coming.
0:27:16 > 0:27:21They'll fix it and we won't know anything happened.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Don't you want your juice? I'm not thirsty.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34It's only me.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Can I...?
0:27:36 > 0:27:40Come in. Can he come in, Thelma If he must.
0:27:40 > 0:27:45I came round to say I was sorry and hoped you were both all right.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Fine! Some day we'll laugh about it.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51Does he want tea? Tea? Well, I. .
0:27:51 > 0:27:55Or would he rather fruit juice No? No?
0:27:55 > 0:28:01No. No, no, I wouldn't. Just tea, please. Just tea, please.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05Apart from all this, did you have a nice weekend?
0:28:05 > 0:28:09You both look well, apart from the...and the...
0:28:09 > 0:28:12DOORBELL That will be the plasterers.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Look, Thelma. I'm very sorry.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22I got the jobs done ` everything you wanted.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26It's just I was out when you got back.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29I only popped across the road to... THUD
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Now what?
0:28:33 > 0:28:37I've just been punched in the face. Who by?
0:28:37 > 0:28:42Arnold Upton from number 39 said he was paying me back for the ceiling.