0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Oh, what happened to you?
0:00:03 > 0:00:07# Whatever happened to me?
0:00:07 > 0:00:13# What became of the people we used to be?
0:00:13 > 0:00:17# Tomorrow's almost over
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# Today went by so fast
0:00:21 > 0:00:25# Is the only thing to look forward to...
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# the past? #
0:00:40 > 0:00:42KNOCK
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Yes?
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Morning, kidda. Seen me clean socks?
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- Where's Thelma? - She's gone.- Pardon?- Gone.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54- To breakfast?- No. GONE gone.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58- Home? - Obviously. My wife's left me.
0:00:58 > 0:01:04- When?- About six. I thought she'd gone to the bathroom but she's gone. - It's early.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07She doesn't still do a paper round?
0:01:07 > 0:01:12Don't be flippant. It's not funny, Terry. It's not so funny at all.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- Sorry.- Why?!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Why did she turn up last night?
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Your average wife's lack of trust.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24An innocent fishing weekend. Just the lads.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28If it was a football excursion to Amsterdam
0:01:28 > 0:01:31or a club outing to Morecambe, I'd understand.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36But innocently fishing up the Tyne. I haven't done anything.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- I know. So why the dawn departure? - That's your fault.
0:01:41 > 0:01:46My fault? It always is when you're in trouble. How is it my fault?
0:01:46 > 0:01:50You arranged something, with that barmaid.
0:01:50 > 0:01:57What? I put out feelers. There was lots of winking going on but that never comes to owt.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Last night it did. Your number came up.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- She came up here?- Yes.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06She came up here after lights out, like?
0:02:06 > 0:02:10After WE put the lights out, yes.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Oh, I see.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17And Thelma thought that you and her were...
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- It's not so funny.- No, course not.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22As far as I'm concerned it's tragic.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Yes, yes. It is tragic.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30It is not a laughing matter, Terry.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34My wife has left me thanks to your rendezvous.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37You mean that barmaid actually...
0:02:37 > 0:02:41- Well, I never. It is tragic. - Thank you.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Tragic for me! A golden moment lost.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Typical of my rotten luck.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55I'll see Thelma and give evidence on your behalf.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59No, you'd only convince her of my guilt.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02I don't want your help or advice.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04I've got to sort it out on me own.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Fine. Good. Right.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- What am I going to do? - Pardon? You talking to me?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Of course. - I thought you were handling this.
0:03:15 > 0:03:21I am. I'm just asking you. What am I going to do?
0:03:22 > 0:03:26Look, Bob... Don't do anything.
0:03:26 > 0:03:34Sometimes it's better not to try to explain. If there's a crisis, pretend it's not there.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- It's mind over matter. - I don't follow.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Remember Malcolm Price? - Little Malc?
0:03:40 > 0:03:44- Moustache and an odd walk. - Odd moustache!
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Women didn't think so. He always put it about.
0:03:48 > 0:03:53Didn't he marry that Dougie Pringle's sister, Sandra?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Yes, I think so. Anyhow...
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- Dougie only had one ear. - Yes, Bob, I know.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04At school we used to call him Lugless Douglas.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09- Can we leave the reminiscences for later?- Sorry. You were saying?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12I was saying... What was I saying?
0:04:12 > 0:04:19Malcolm was at a party. He works for a cosmetic firm, so imagine the crumpet.
0:04:19 > 0:04:24He wakes up with a huge hangover and his wife says...
0:04:24 > 0:04:28- Sandra.- She says "I'm going shopping. Can I take the car?"
0:04:28 > 0:04:33He says yes. He's looking for the roof of his mouth.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37But what does she find on the front seat of the car?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- What?- Only his underpants.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44What were they doing on the front seat?
0:04:44 > 0:04:50I know you've got a lot on your mind, but use a little imagination.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Oh, yes. Underpants. My word!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Quite. But the worst is yet to come.
0:04:57 > 0:05:03There's a phone number written on the underpants in black eyebrow pencil.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Whose number was it?
0:05:05 > 0:05:10A girl on the switchboard, but that's irrelevant.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14What's important is his attitude in a crisis.
0:05:14 > 0:05:19What would you say if your wife was waving some autographed Y-fronts?
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Me? Oh, God.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26I'd say "They're Terry's. I gave him a lift last night."
0:05:26 > 0:05:32That's typical, that is. Trust you to turn round and blame me.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36- What did Malcolm say? - That's the whole point.
0:05:36 > 0:05:41He just looked through her and said, "I refuse to discuss the matter."
0:05:41 > 0:05:44And the matter was never discussed.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47I refuse to discuss the matter.
0:05:47 > 0:05:54Not like that. You have to say it like HE did so it'll never be brought up again.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56I refuse to discuss the matter.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- I refuse to discuss the matter. - That's better.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05- I REFUSE to discuss the matter. - Put a Thelma at the beginning.
0:06:05 > 0:06:12Thelma, I refuse to discuss the matter. I absolutely refuse. I added an "absolutely"!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14It helped.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Thelma, I absolutely refuse to discuss the matter.
0:06:18 > 0:06:24No, no. That's a bit menacing. Be Henry Fonda not Anthony Quinn.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27I refuse to DISCUSS the matter.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Perfect!
0:06:30 > 0:06:36It's mind over matter. Convince her it doesn't matter and she won't mind.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41- Right. Point taken. Convince her. Mind over matter.- Good lad.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45- But you'll come in with me? - Oh! If you like.
0:06:45 > 0:06:50We'll get her flowers or chocolates or a big fluffy teddy.
0:06:50 > 0:06:56Bob, you're innocent! Good God, man, you know the laws of marriage.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00The first principle is - presents equal guilt.
0:07:00 > 0:07:06- Right. Good thinking.- I'll finish packing and I'll see you downstairs.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- Terry.- Now what?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11That barmaid...
0:07:11 > 0:07:15What did you say to get her up here, like?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18I refuse to discuss the matter.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Will you wait for us, then?
0:07:35 > 0:07:41- You can run me home when you've said what has to be said. - That won't take long.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Quite. Go on, then. Shift yourself.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- Thelma, where are you going? - To my mother's.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- Why?- What do you expect?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05About last night, I...
0:08:05 > 0:08:09I refuse to discuss the matter.
0:08:21 > 0:08:26- I've made you a nice hot cup of tea. - She's left me!
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- Drink it while it's hot.- I didn't...
0:08:29 > 0:08:32You don't take sugar, do you?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- She's left me.- Not for long.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- How do you work that out? - Case was too small.
0:08:38 > 0:08:45You're such an expert(!) I should have bought chocolates or flowers or the teddy or all three!
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- Fatal.- What, pray, is more fatal than this?
0:08:49 > 0:08:53It's another fence in the steeplechase of marriage.
0:08:53 > 0:08:58What is important now is how you behave. That is critical.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02I'm sick of your tuition, Master-bloody-mind!
0:09:02 > 0:09:08I'm in this situation because you are my marriage-guidance counsellor.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12Your marriage ground to a halt within months!
0:09:12 > 0:09:16- It's only natural for you to be like this.- Go away. Leave me alone.
0:09:16 > 0:09:22It's natural for you to want me to go, the only person who can help.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27Stop being so understanding. It does not become you. It does not!
0:09:29 > 0:09:33It's natural to lose control. I understand.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37All right. What would you do in this situation?
0:09:37 > 0:09:41I'd never have got into this situation.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Letting me wife leave me? I'd have left HER!
0:09:45 > 0:09:49So would I if I'd known she was leaving.
0:09:49 > 0:09:54It's a bit late for that. As I say, it's what you do now that matters.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- What do I do?- Nothing.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- Nothing?- Nothing.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Do nothing.
0:10:02 > 0:10:08Going round, ringing up, sending flowers - all that is fatal.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Pretend you don't give a rat's. Relax!
0:10:11 > 0:10:16Ha, ha! My wife has left me. I don't give a rat's.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18More champagne!
0:10:18 > 0:10:22Relax? I'm at my lowest. My marriage is in shreds.
0:10:22 > 0:10:28It's early days yet. Going back to their mother - they all do that.
0:10:28 > 0:10:35You've got your whole lives. You're just at the dawn of your disasters.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38You really are a great help(!)
0:10:38 > 0:10:44I like to think so. Drink that tea while it's hot. All right, is it?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- It's very nice.- Good. - Shouldn't I go round?
0:10:47 > 0:10:52Definitely not. They expect that. If you don't it confuses them.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56The ball's in your court. Your advantage.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Just like a tennis match.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02It is, man, and it's your service.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Knowing you it'll be a double fault.
0:11:05 > 0:11:10Terry, how long were you actually married to Ute?
0:11:10 > 0:11:16Well, I suppose...the best part of two years, on and off.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Mostly off.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22So you didn't enjoy much of married life.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Not if you put it that way. Why?
0:11:24 > 0:11:28In such a short time you're such an expert.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31A working man's guide to marriage.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35I'm giving the benefit of bitter experience.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Did you ever go through this with Ute?
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Where she thought you were putting it about?
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Aye, from time to time.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Nothing as drastic as Little Mal.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- There was once.- What?
0:11:51 > 0:11:56Somebody told Ute that while she was at work I was seeing this WAAF.
0:11:56 > 0:12:02She was a canny thing, from up here. She could sup ale so we had a lot in common.
0:12:03 > 0:12:09So Ute came home from work and she didn't half give me some stick.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13German stick's worse than English stick.
0:12:13 > 0:12:18She went on about the Waaf, said she was going back to her mother.
0:12:18 > 0:12:23So, I said, "Just you wait one minute, my girl. Just you wait."
0:12:23 > 0:12:26This is what you must tell Thelma.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31"Ute," I said, "where is a marriage without some basic trust?
0:12:31 > 0:12:37"Without the instinct telling you to trust your partner, where are we?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- "Where are we?" I said. - And where were you?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Nowhere.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46She found the Waaf in the airing cupboard.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55KNOCK
0:12:59 > 0:13:04- There you are. Now, drink that while it's hot.- Thank you.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07I put sugar in. Cocoa needs sugar.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11- I thought she'd ring. - Not from her mother's.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13She's stopping her, like you are.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17I'm not stopping you. I'm advising you.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21Strong advice - saying you'll rip the phone out.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- She'll be back tomorrow.- Perhaps.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27You've got me here, and Norman.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34Norman makes it worse, really. He smells of Thelma's cologne.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Oh, aye. He's a bit like that, is he?
0:13:37 > 0:13:42- Will you be all right in the spare? - Yes. I've slept in worse places.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45I appreciate you staying.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49- The least I could do. - You'll be guarding the phone?
0:13:49 > 0:13:56Your instinct is to ring her, knowing she's only two penn'th away, but that is what she expects.
0:13:56 > 0:14:02Sometimes the unexpected gives you the edge on them. Remember Ronnie Oliver?
0:14:02 > 0:14:07- Quiet lad. He married that Janet who was a bit...- Yeah, always was.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10She went out with Lugless Douglas.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Yes, so I heard.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15More than he did, poor lad.
0:14:15 > 0:14:22The point is, when Ronnie found she'd been seeing this car salesman,
0:14:22 > 0:14:24his reaction was very surprising.
0:14:24 > 0:14:31He dragged him through the car wash and threw him through the showroom window.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Exactly. But that wasn't like him. He wasn't happy.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39It was for his marriage, and what was the result?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Three months for assault.
0:14:41 > 0:14:47Yes, yes. But when he came back she hardly dared raise her voice to him.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Few of us did.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53You get me point? It can pay to do the unexpected.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57I should throw Thelma through a window?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Not at this stage, no.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Get yourself a good night's sleep.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Thanks, Terry.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08You know, I've been thinking, Bob.
0:15:08 > 0:15:15When Ute and I went through our crisis, we might have been able to save our marriage
0:15:15 > 0:15:19if only I'd had a friend like me.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23There's no answer to that.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35Bob!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Drink your coffee while it's hot.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44That's the time? Why didn't you wake me?
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Cos you didn't get a wink till about four.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51I heard you moving about and talking to Norman.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54I should be at work.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58Nobody expects you to work in a crisis.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02- You should be here when she comes back.- You think she will?
0:16:02 > 0:16:10She'll get some clean things when she thinks you're out. That's when we lock her in the bedroom.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Look what you've made me do!
0:16:14 > 0:16:17I wonder if you're worth saving.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21- Lock her in the bedroom?! - I've worked it out.
0:16:21 > 0:16:27- Remember Alan Stand? Married a bonny girl from the dairy. - Barbara.- Barbara.
0:16:27 > 0:16:34Her father was strange. He exposed himself on Whitley Bay seafront, August bank holiday.
0:16:34 > 0:16:40- Can we go into that later, Bob? - Fortunately it was a wet August.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43The point is, Alan locked Barbara in the bedroom.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46- Why?- Because she went too far.
0:16:46 > 0:16:51During one of her tantrums he locks the door and goes to see the lads.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Is that a sensible tactic?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Yes! They have time to cool off.
0:16:57 > 0:17:02They can't get over it because it's unpredictable, masculine.
0:17:02 > 0:17:09When you open the door you'll have a different woman, all humble and apologetic.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12And desperate to go to the lavatory.
0:17:12 > 0:17:17But it's hard for her to give you stick when she's dying for a pee.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21That's very dodgy.
0:17:21 > 0:17:27No. It's the old caveman bit and they all respect that in the end.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31- Valid point. - They know there's a man around.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35- Remember Vin Welsh? - In the greenhouse, with...
0:17:35 > 0:17:37DOOR OPENS
0:17:37 > 0:17:39- It's Thelma.- I told you.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I told you she'd be back.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51- I'll have a word. - No, no. Let her come to you.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53FOOTSTEPS
0:17:53 > 0:17:58- She's going upstairs.- Yes. To get a clean nightie and some toothpaste.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02She hasn't come back to you yet. Now's your chance.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06- What?- To lock her in the bedroom.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12- Go on, then. Go on. - I just think... I think...
0:18:12 > 0:18:17She's your wife. This is your house. This is where she belongs.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21This way she can't go back to her mother,
0:18:21 > 0:18:23otherwise it could drag on and on.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- That's a valid point. - Caveman.- Caveman.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- I just think...- Go on!
0:18:33 > 0:18:38This is our house, you're my wife and this is where you belong.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Good lad, I've got your coat.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Mr Ferris?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Mr Ferris, what's happened?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Mr Ferris, let me out.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- Cheers, pet. - Thank you.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Now, drink that while it's cold.
0:18:57 > 0:19:02It's not right drinking, with Thelma locked in the bedroom.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06- Let her simmer for a while. - She sounds like a stew.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09You'll see the difference.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Is the heating on? It's very chilly.
0:19:11 > 0:19:16She can always cuddle up to Norman. Let's play darts.
0:19:16 > 0:19:22You're not emotionally involved, giving advice like Marjorie Proops.
0:19:22 > 0:19:28I am involved in protecting the innocent and you are innocent, remember?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30She wouldn't listen to your view.
0:19:30 > 0:19:36- I was going to refuse to discuss it. - She didn't even give you a chance to do that.
0:19:36 > 0:19:42- I'll ring the library.- What for? - They'll wonder why she's not there.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46- What will you say? - Not that I've locked her up.
0:19:46 > 0:19:52I'll say she's been taken poorly. Her old trouble's come back again.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- What is her old trouble? - Chilblains.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Chilblains?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Sorry, er, this is Thelma Ferris's husband.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06She won't be in today. She's feeling ill. Chilblains.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09She won't be in. Just a minute.
0:20:09 > 0:20:14It's your husband. He says you won't be in today.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16- What are you talking about?- Honest.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Here, let me have a word. Hello.
0:20:19 > 0:20:24I'm ringing on behalf of Thelma Ferris.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27She's not feeling too well.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31- Best to keep her indoors, you know. - Is it serious?
0:20:31 > 0:20:36No, no. Just throat trouble - chilblains. She'll be back tomorrow.
0:20:36 > 0:20:42- Thank you for letting me know. - Not at all.- What was that about?
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Do you mind if I slip home and find out what's going on?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Perhaps your husband isn't feeling well.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57- Come on, kidda. Get that down you. - I feel terrible.
0:20:57 > 0:21:02There's one solution. Throw yourself into your darts. Howay!
0:21:11 > 0:21:16- What's going on?- Mr Ferris locked some woman in his bedroom.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26It's no good, I can't concentrate.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29It's dangerous. Let's pack it in.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- That's five pence you owe me. - All right.
0:21:33 > 0:21:38You're such a worrier. Women don't like that. You have to be firm.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41You've never been firm with women.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45- I've always carried you through your crisises.- Crises.
0:21:45 > 0:21:52- Pardon?- Crises. - I carried you through them. - You've caused them.- I have not!
0:21:52 > 0:21:57Since Park Juniors, if I ever had woman trouble, you were the cause.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02As I recall, I stopped you from making a complete fool of yourself
0:22:02 > 0:22:06over that English mistress - Miss Lundy.
0:22:06 > 0:22:11There was something there, some spark when our eyes met.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I couldn't fail to be aware of it.
0:22:13 > 0:22:19- She asked you to fill the inkwells. - It was the way she said it.
0:22:19 > 0:22:24Two years you spent topping up her inkwells and you never got nowt.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27You never even passed English.
0:22:27 > 0:22:33I stood a chance till you said I wrote that mucky poem in the bike shed.
0:22:33 > 0:22:39It was for your own good. I stopped you from relationships that were no good.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Relationships you should never have got into.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Celia Fulcher, for instance.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50You persuaded me to give her up then you went out with her.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- I could handle her.- I wanted to!
0:22:55 > 0:23:02She was wrong for you, as was the coloured nurse who wanted to take you home.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06You'd be cutting sugar cane in the Windward Islands.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10At least I'd be out of your way.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14I might have built up a secure future there.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Except I'd jump at every ship's hooter
0:23:18 > 0:23:22because you might come down the gangplank.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25You always hurt the one you love.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29I'm hurting the one I love now. What happened to Alan?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Ah, that was a bit unfortunate.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37- How do you mean? - She never spoke to him again.
0:23:37 > 0:23:43- Oh, my God!- He overdid it! He didn't open the door for three days.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Go on, then!
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- Aren't you coming? - You have to do it alone.
0:24:05 > 0:24:10- You were there when I locked her in. - That's different.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14- What will you do?- I'll sit here. You can have a cuddle.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- Then run me home. - What if she leaves me again?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Then Thelma can run me home.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37DOOR OPENS
0:24:44 > 0:24:48Thelma, before I let you out I want you to listen to me.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52This is our house, you're my wife and this is where you belong.
0:24:52 > 0:24:59I want you to realise that I can be firm and domineering... and unpredictable.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Thelma?
0:25:01 > 0:25:05Thelma, you wronged me with your assumptions, Thelma.
0:25:05 > 0:25:11You wouldn't listen when I wanted to refuse to discuss the matter.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13If only you'd listen to me.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16I'm going to unlock this door now.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Come downstairs and discuss it.
0:25:18 > 0:25:24I want you to realise that... I am the master in this house.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Thelma. Thelma.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Thelma.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36I knew the Ferris family was insane.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37Thelma.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41I put down your absent-mindedness to eccentricity.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44In fact, you're round the twist.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48You ring and tell me I'm not where I am
0:25:48 > 0:25:53and Mrs Greenlands says she won't come back while that madman's here.
0:25:53 > 0:25:58- Unlock this door at once. - You're being masterful now?
0:25:58 > 0:26:03What WERE you doing? Think about it while I go back to my mother's.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24Let me out, Thelma! Let me out!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Bob.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59Bob!
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- What?- Could you make it onto this?
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- The ladder might slip.- I'll hold it.
0:27:08 > 0:27:13- Quite! When's the locksmith arriving?- He didn't say when.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16- Did you ring for an ambulance?- Why?
0:27:16 > 0:27:19You'll need one!
0:27:19 > 0:27:25Now, Bob, it's only natural for you to abuse your most loyal and valued friend.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29- Here, take this.- What is it?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31I made you a flask of Oxo.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Now, drink it while it's hot.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01Intelfax Subtitles by Kate Shaw for BBC Subtitling, 1995