0:00:05 > 0:00:07ALARM
0:00:09 > 0:00:14It's 6am! That's what time handymen get up, 6am.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Dad! I set my alarm for half seven!
0:00:16 > 0:00:19I changed it to when your grandfather got up.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23- It's when I got up and it's when you'd better start getting up!- Dad!
0:00:23 > 0:00:25ALARM
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Jesus Christ!
0:00:26 > 0:00:30You can never be too careful. Come on, out of bed! It's late!
0:00:30 > 0:00:32- The day has begun!- Ah!
0:00:34 > 0:00:366.15 am. I'd have been downstairs by now.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Dad, I'm in the shower!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40- Downstairs in 10, or I'm coming to get you.- All right!
0:00:42 > 0:00:44- What's that?!- Breakfast.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48- It's got mustard on it!- What kind of man doesn't like mustard?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50All right, your schedule's already in the van.
0:00:50 > 0:00:55If I get more bookings I shall try and tear myself away from daytime TV and ring the mobile.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Do not forget to pick up Darren.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59..And you will need these.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Thank you.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Right, Dad, just try and relax today, all right?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Try and relax, he says. Have you seen Loose Women?
0:01:07 > 0:01:11It's like beating yourself round the face with a woman's weekly!
0:01:11 > 0:01:13- I'm off.- And remember, the jigsaw pulls a bit to the left.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15- Yeah, thanks, Dad. - Your sandwiches are in the front.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19You've got the six-foot ladder, so if you need to get higher,
0:01:19 > 0:01:21- don't do it with that!- All right!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23And, Ollie...
0:01:24 > 0:01:25Yes, Dad?
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Don't dick it up.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35That's... Well, you could have put it in a card or something!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38VAN ALARM
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Dad!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Well, look out Maplebury! I'm your new handyman.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15- You all right?- All right.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Fair enough.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Right then, job 1...
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- Darren, what's the first job? - I don't know!
0:02:27 > 0:02:31- You've got to look at the schedule! - Your dad always used to look at the schedule.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Just give me the name of the road then!
0:02:33 > 0:02:34What's the date today?
0:02:34 > 0:02:35There's one page!
0:02:36 > 0:02:41- What time is it?- It's the first job! - Parsonage Gardens. - Oh, for God's sake!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Don't forget we're using premixed adhesive grout, all right?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49All right, just give me a minute.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50DOORBELL
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Oh, what you doing! I'm not ready...
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Curry & Son, handymen.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- We're here about the tiling. - Where's Tony?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Early retirement. I've taken over now.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I wanted Tony. I like Tony!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Well, I'm his son.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- I'm Ollie. Is that OK?- Come in. - Thanks.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- The tiles are already in the conservatory, so...- Right.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Can I use your toilet?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- Er...- Do you know much about tiling?
0:03:16 > 0:03:20I'll be using a premixed adhesive grout today. It's a new brand.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Will he be long?
0:03:22 > 0:03:26I don't know. I suppose it depends on what he's doing, doesn't it?
0:03:26 > 0:03:31Is he doing a crap! I thought he just want a piss! I not happy with him crapping!
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- OK...- Hey, I not come your house crap in your toilet!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Well, no.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38BANGS ON DOOR
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Oi, get out!
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- Ah, shit.- I don't think we can really stop him now, mate.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45Really?
0:03:47 > 0:03:51- You're not cut out for this.- Like it was my fault!- Why are you bothering?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Listen, my dad might be happy doing this for 40 years, but I'm not.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57When I'm done, I'll have a fleet of white vans.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- Then I'm going to sell up, open my restaurant.- The Toast Rack?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03No, The Toast Office.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08Beans on toast with luxury beans, cheese on toast with cheeses from around the world.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Complimentary champagne to toast your toast. I'll make a fortune.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14No wonder you got kicked out of catering college.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16That idea is almost as good as your weed lasagne.
0:04:16 > 0:04:22- Who told you about that!- Your dad. - Listen, it was an accident, right? I thought it was oregano.- Right.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25It's not my fault if my stupid flatmate kept his weed that looks
0:04:25 > 0:04:29like oregano in a pot marked "oregano"!
0:04:29 > 0:04:34And what people seem to forget - it was voted best dish in the class!
0:04:37 > 0:04:39- How'd it taste?- More-ish.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Yeah.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Right then, job 1 - disaster.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46I'll phone him in a bit when he calms down.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48I wouldn't bother, if I were you.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- Why not?- Well, I ran out of toilet paper, so I used his towel.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- What are you doing? - Looking for a cigarette.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Well, I can't change gear with you there! Move!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26You all right?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29All right.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Sorry, who are you?
0:05:33 > 0:05:34I'm Ricky.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- Who are you?- I'm Ollie.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- Is this your house, Ollie?- No, no, I'm just doing a bit of work.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Sorry, are you stealing those?
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Oh, you're a handyman!
0:05:46 > 0:05:49You can't come in here and start nicking stuff!
0:05:49 > 0:05:51- No, I think I can. - I'm serious! You can put...
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Whoa, don't be stupid! Did you even check if I was alone!
0:05:54 > 0:05:57You're about to get your head smashed in by Big Alan!
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Yeah, I made him up, but you never know! How much for Ferris Bueller?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- What?- Ferris Bueller's Day Off, how much do you reckon I'll get for it?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- I don't know. Two quid.- Two quid!
0:06:06 > 0:06:10- That's Matthew Broderick at his finest!- Yeah, but it's an '80s film!
0:06:10 > 0:06:12You got no deleted... Just put it back, will you!
0:06:12 > 0:06:13No.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Hey, hey, wait! - You can't follow me!
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Me brothers are outside and they're all Millwall fans.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20You will get bricked in the face!
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- Ta-da.- Hey, wait! Hey, hey, hey!
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Right, hang on.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29- I'll buy 'em.- What?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31The DVDs, how much? I'll buy 'em.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36Well, I reckon Ferris will get me at least four quid.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41But, if you're going to go for the whole 100, I could knock it down to about...
0:06:41 > 0:06:43250.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45250. Are you mental!
0:06:45 > 0:06:49You're doing some work in an house, all the DVDs go missing... Who will they think has taken them?
0:06:52 > 0:06:53150.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55150 quid!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Is that your van outside?
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- Yeah.- Give us 200, you can have your sat nav back an' all.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03How have you got that!
0:07:05 > 0:07:08You want 'em or not?
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Give me a minute, right?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17So that's 100 for the labour...
0:07:19 > 0:07:21..and another 50 for materials.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- Thank you. - Don't spend it all at once.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- I won't.- I won't.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Right, you still owe me 50 quid and you can give it to me later.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- See you, Darren. - See you later, Ricky.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39- Do you know him?- Yeah, yeah, he's a mate of my brother's.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41He's just nicked our sat nav!
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Oh, he told me you said he could have it.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Why would I say that? We can't afford another one!
0:07:48 > 0:07:50It's not going to help, then.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- What?- Parking ticket.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Oi! Oi, what are you doing?!
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- Just doing my job, sir.- But there aren't any yellow lines here!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Yeah, I know!- I have checked all the signs! I'm allowed to park here.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- You can't give me a ticket! - I'm not doing that, sir.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Well, what's that then?
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- Oh, that's just a note.- Saying what? - Our new council initiative.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12It's just a note to let you know if there were yellow lines here, I might have given you a fine.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16- But there aren't any yellow lines here!- Council weren't sure if people knew the system or not.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Weren't sure if... Of course I know the system!
0:08:18 > 0:08:21I'm not 10! So I'm OK to park here?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- Oh, yeah, totally.- Well, thank you.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25This really is the most pointless note I've ever been given.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I'm just trying to do my job, sir.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Yes, well, I'm very happy for you.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31It's all pointless, cos there aren't any yellow lines here!
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- But if there were, I would have... - There aren't!
0:08:33 > 0:08:35You all right, Darren.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36All right, Brian.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Oh, my... Do you know everyone!
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Go on, go and bore someone else, specky.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I'm just trying to do my job!
0:08:45 > 0:08:48We're all trying to do our jobs, thank you, you...
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Yeah, watch your feet, man! This is the steering wheel! Darren, Darren, seriously.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- I can't get comfortable! - We're at work, that's why!
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Well, I don't know, Dad!
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Well, he can complain all he likes!
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Well, just ask yourself this, why would I shit on his towel?
0:09:12 > 0:09:15All right, I'll see you in a bit.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- Nice one.- All right, chill out!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Have a slice of lasagne!
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Where's the paint? I thought you were buying paint earlier.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- I got distracted. - What does that mean?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27I had a wank.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29In the van?
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Ollie!
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Oh, my God, it's Emma.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36Right, we'll finish this later.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- Hiya.- What are you doing here? - My folks live round the corner.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I know, I helped out in the bathroom last year.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45- Really? That was you?- Yeah.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47I didn't know you did all this!
0:09:47 > 0:09:53- Well, you know, I... I sort of... I run the business now, actually. - Fantastic!- Yeah.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I always thought you'd open one of your restaurants.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- COUGHS - Like, I'm still doing that.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01I was just saying that we're still doing that.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- The Toastal Service? - The Toast Office.- Right.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Yeah. Luxury cheese on toast, all that sort of thing.
0:10:07 > 0:10:12- Well, it's all very exciting then! So when's the new place opening? - Soon! Soon, yeah.
0:10:12 > 0:10:18I'm just, you know, looking at a few locales and just talking to investors at the moment.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23You've probably got it sorted by now, but, if not, you should give me a call sometime.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Oh, you're in business too, eh?!
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- Care Of The Dog?- The place selling food aimed at people with hangovers.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Yeah, I know that.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37I thought of that. That was my idea.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Well, you weren't using it, so...
0:10:39 > 0:10:41I've got two in London and Manchester's opening next year.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Well, if you need any work doing then just, you know.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Oh, actually, you could...
0:10:53 > 0:10:54help me with this.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Dad's looking for some grout. Do you know where I can get it?
0:10:56 > 0:11:02Flatley's Hardware on the high street. Ollie's going there now. He can take you in his sexy car.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03No, I'm not.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07No, he's got that wrong. I'm not. I'm not. I mean I'm...
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Yeah, I would, you know, if I was going that way, but I've just...
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- You know, business stuff, you know? - That's fine.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18But give me a call some time. We should catch up.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22- OK!- OK.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25- All right.- Bye.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Bye. See you later.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Bye!
0:11:32 > 0:11:34She stole your idea?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Yeah.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40- Did you used to go out with her?- No.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Did you want to?
0:11:42 > 0:11:46- Yep.- Can I go out with her? - Get in the van.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Argh!
0:12:00 > 0:12:04What are you doing! It's on fire! Put it out! Did you hear?!
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Hello, soldier! How goes your first day in the trenches?
0:12:13 > 0:12:17All right, Liz. Yeah, not bad. You know, we're getting there.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19If by "not bad" you mean totally shit, and if by "getting there"
0:12:19 > 0:12:22you mean a better job could be done by a monkey with a spanner!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Good job he's got you then! Has he been trouble?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- No.- ..Cos if he has, just ask him about Mrs Pullman's house.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31- You can't prove that. - I don't have to! I know what I saw!
0:12:31 > 0:12:33No, you know what you think you saw.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37- That poor dog.- I don't know what she's talking about.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40There's no point going back there!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Auntie Pat's taken Buster for a walk!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Piss...off.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48You two going through a rough patch?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51I know how to handle my brother, thanks. The stuff I've got on him.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Now, what can I do for you, chief?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Nails, paint, blowie in the toilet?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- Sorry?- 5.99, please, love.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06- I... I, I don't... - Don't worry, I think your dad called in earlier with a list.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- He what?- I'll check with the boss.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- Uncle Phil, Ollie's here!- Who?
0:13:11 > 0:13:15- Tony's son! The one that got kicked out of college for making weed pie! - I thought it was oreg...
0:13:15 > 0:13:21- I thought it was oregano! - Don't worry, he knows who you are, he's just messing with you.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- Did Tony ring in a shopping list! - Look, Liz, it's fine!
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- I don't need a...- Yeah! Want me to read it?- No, it's fine!
0:13:26 > 0:13:29It's fine. I just need some white matt paint, undercoat.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31He needs some white matt undercoat!
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- No, he doesn't!- What!
0:13:33 > 0:13:35- You don't.- It's not on the list! - Not on his list.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- Well, it's on my list! - Why does he need it?
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- Why do you need it?- I heard! Yeah, I'm painting an office wall!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Plaster or brick?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- Plaster!- You don't need it. Don't give it to him.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I don't need it. I thought I did, but apparently I don't.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Thank you.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58- Anything else?- No, I think we're done today. Darren, we're done!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Shame, I was enjoying this. We should do it again some time.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Yeah, I'll be... I'll be back in tomorrow for the rest of the stuff.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10- Oh, I'll wear something tight. - You'll wear what?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13- Auntie Pat back then? - I hate you, Liz.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- I hate you.- Woof! Woof!
0:14:15 > 0:14:17We don't need that.
0:14:22 > 0:14:27MUSIC: "Sex On Fire" by Kings Of Leon
0:14:27 > 0:14:28CHANGES MUSIC
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- What you doing?- Changing it.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34- You know I like that!- We should have equal share of the radio.- Well, it was halfway through the song!
0:14:34 > 0:14:36You don't just turn it off halfway through!
0:14:36 > 0:14:38But, mate, it's been on your station for ages!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- Hello.- You here to pick up flyers or leaflets?
0:14:46 > 0:14:50No, I'm here to do a paint job for Mr Johnson.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Oh, my God.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Oh, my days.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58- What?- You look so like my friend Mike.- Oh.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Oh, my God, that is adorable!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Look at you! Look at your face!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Could you get Mr Johnson for me, please?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08That is hilarious, the way you sigh. It's just like Mike!
0:15:08 > 0:15:13- OK.- Can you believe it?- Well, I don't know who Mike is, so...
0:15:13 > 0:15:17That's so like Mike - that whole self-deprecating thing. Brilliant.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21No, I'm not, I'm not self-deprecating, I genuinely don't know who Mike is,
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- so could you get Mr Johnson? - Sandra, Sandra, come here.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Doesn't he look exactly like Mike?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Oh, my God, it's uncanny!
0:15:28 > 0:15:30All right.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32- Aw!- Do you mind?!
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- Do I mind!- I know! Classic Mike! - Hey, come here, everyone!
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- Come and look at this!- Look at him.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40It's Mike's twin!
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- Separated at birth. - Eyes and everything!- Unbelievable.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48- He's got the stubble an' all! - Look, Mike! Hi, Mike. Mike! - Mike.- Look.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49What's going on, guys?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- That's Mike?- Yeah, that's him! Amazing, isn't it?
0:15:59 > 0:16:03I mean that, that's the Mike I remind you of?
0:16:03 > 0:16:05- Yeah.- Yeah!
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- Can't you see it?- Well...
0:16:07 > 0:16:14I mean, I don't, I don't want to sound rude, but... I mean, Jesus Christ! Well... Darren,
0:16:14 > 0:16:16do you think I look like this guy here?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Yeah. All right, Mike?
0:16:18 > 0:16:20All right, Darren. How's your mum?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Yeah, she's all right.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I think it's the hair.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27What?!
0:16:29 > 0:16:30Are you...
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Why are you bothered about looking like Mike?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Why?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I'll tell you why...
0:16:41 > 0:16:45MOBILE RINGS
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Hello?
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Oh, how's it going?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Oh, yeah, great. I'm hungry, I'm tired, everyone hates me.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55What do you mean you're hungry?
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Why am I... Because some idiot put mustard on my sandwiches!
0:16:59 > 0:17:03What kind of a man doesn't like mustard?
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Who's going to buy that lot, you blithering idiot?!
0:17:05 > 0:17:06- Take the money!- What?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Not you, dickhead, it's the TV!
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Listen, there's another job just rung in.
0:17:11 > 0:17:17No! No, don't go to sale, take the money!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Dad, what you watching?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Look, I'll text you the address. It's just unblocking a pipe.
0:17:22 > 0:17:29Even you can't mess that up, you wrinkly, orange granny-snatcher!
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- Oh, David Dickinson? - Aye, that's the bugger.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34No, I'm busy, I've gotta go!
0:17:37 > 0:17:40I'm glad you're relaxing then!
0:17:43 > 0:17:47Right, they say I can stay and do the job, but if you ever
0:17:47 > 0:17:51come near the office again they're going to drown you with junk mail.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Fine! Fine! You stay, I'll go! I didn't even do anything!
0:17:56 > 0:17:59That's so Mike.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Hiya. Someone call for a handy... Uh!
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, wait, wait,
0:18:13 > 0:18:14wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
0:18:14 > 0:18:19- I'm just here to have a look at your pipes!- Like you did last time, you idiot?! Come here!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22I don't know what I'm supposed to have done!
0:18:22 > 0:18:23You bastard!
0:18:24 > 0:18:28Whoa, look, now, wait a minute!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Welcome back, Daddy!
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- There you go!- Thanks, love.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Gingernut?
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Argh! Gah-uh!
0:18:39 > 0:18:44All right, all right. All right, just, please, please just explain to your dad that we've never met!
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- Joanne, is this him or not? - I don't know, I don't remember!
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- You don't remember? How much of a slut are you?!- Dad!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Uh!
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Argh!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Oh, Jesus!
0:18:55 > 0:18:58All right, I deserved that one, but the point still stands!
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Joanne, I'm starting to lose it now! Is this him or not!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03I think it was the same number, but there was loads in the phone book!
0:19:03 > 0:19:09- How can you not remember?! - Well, I only met him once and most of that time he was behind me.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13Whoa! Wait! Wait! Are you just randomly ringing
0:19:13 > 0:19:16every handyman to somehow find the man who got you pregnant?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- Yeah! And it worked! - Well, it wasn't me. It wasn't me.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22Right, that's it, I'm phoning Steve.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26- Who's Steve?- Joanne's boyfriend...
0:19:26 > 0:19:31and, believe me, he really, really wants a word with you, all right?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33All right.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Hello, Steve. Yeah, it's Terry. He's here.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Oh, yeah. Oh, it's definitely him.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Yeah, he looks just like the scan.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Quick! He's distracted!
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Escape while you can!
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Argh!
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Argh-ya! Uh. Ah. Ah.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Whoa!
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- How'd you do that?- The door!
0:19:58 > 0:19:59< Joanne!
0:19:59 > 0:20:03Where do you think you're going!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06We're going to start a new life together, far away from you!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Come on!- Yeah? I'll kill him!
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Oh!
0:20:16 > 0:20:19- Jesus! What are you doing!- We can run away together, raise our child!
0:20:19 > 0:20:25- Is this a game to you? It's not my child!- Give me back my daughter and grandchild, you bastard!
0:20:25 > 0:20:26- It's not me!- Open the door!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- Oh, my God!- Open the door!
0:20:28 > 0:20:31I've got to go! I'm sorry, I've go to go! Whoa!
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Hey, Joanne!
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Joanne!
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Daddy's coming! Daddy's coming!
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- Ah!- Oh, he's coming! Oh, come on, come on!
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- Come on, come on, come on, where? - I love you.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Right, that's it!
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Get out!
0:20:54 > 0:20:56- Please, please, just get out the van!- Ah!
0:20:56 > 0:20:57Close the door!
0:21:02 > 0:21:03Oh!
0:21:03 > 0:21:07But our baby! Our unborn baby!
0:21:10 > 0:21:11He owes me 50, so if you just...
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- OK.- No, Darren, what are you doing!
0:21:14 > 0:21:1610, 30...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Oh, for God's sake!
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- Quality, mate. I'll catch you later, yeah?- See you later, mate. - See you, bruv.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27Darren!
0:21:31 > 0:21:33- What are you doing!- You owed him 50 quid.- You get the sat nav!
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- What sat nav?- What sat...
0:21:37 > 0:21:40I am going to go and get it back, right?
0:21:43 > 0:21:48Please, please, don't follow me, right? Just get in the van!
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Do nothing. Nothing, OK?
0:21:53 > 0:21:55That one's quality, that is, cos you just stick it
0:21:55 > 0:21:58straight into the internet and you can download all the voices.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02You've got Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen, you got Barack Obama...
0:22:02 > 0:22:03- Right, you little scrote!- Charming!
0:22:03 > 0:22:05All right, Liz. Is that my...
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Are you selling her my sat nav?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- Yours? But you said... - He stole it from me!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12- How very dare you?! - I've just paid him to get it back!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- Well, it's mine now!- Oh, oh, is it!
0:22:14 > 0:22:16What, like Care Of The Dog?
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- I didn't think you were using that! - Yeah.- How did he get your sat nav?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23He stole it with some DVDs from a house I was painting!
0:22:23 > 0:22:27- You just let him?- No, I didn't. - Why were you painting a house? I thought you ran the business.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- I was giving him a quote! - No, you weren't.- Shut up, you!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32How could you just let him steal someone's DVDs?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34- Couldn't you stop him? - Yes, I did! I bought 'em!
0:22:34 > 0:22:35What, you bought them!
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- Do you run the business or not? - Yeah, no, yeah!
0:22:37 > 0:22:43- Look, everyone seems to be missing the point here! This man is a thief! - That is bloody slander, that is!
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Listen here, you're going to give everything back!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- Oi! Ollie, Ollie! - MOBILE RINGS
0:22:47 > 0:22:49- Tell me this isn't me! Look at me! - ..Hello?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Unbelievable! Everything's gone wrong! Everything's gone wrong.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55You wanna suck my what, sorry? Well, I don't wanna go bare-back riding!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57- Who is this?- It's Darren.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Give it here!
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Hello! Yeah, get in here now!
0:23:03 > 0:23:05This is unbelievable!
0:23:05 > 0:23:09You! You! You're a horrible, horrible little shit!
0:23:09 > 0:23:12I hope you get dick cancer and die.
0:23:12 > 0:23:17You know, Emma... it's great to see you again and I would... I'd love to take you out,
0:23:17 > 0:23:19but you stole my idea!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22And, Liz, Liz, please just stop with all that...
0:23:22 > 0:23:26that sexy stuff! I've got no idea if you're joking or not!
0:23:26 > 0:23:28And you, you're the biggest prick of 'em all!
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Flyers for the month there, Liz.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38Thank you, Michael.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Are you two related?
0:23:43 > 0:23:45- No.- It's just you look a bit...
0:23:45 > 0:23:46No, we don't.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48PHONE RINGS
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Hello?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Where's the sat nav?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54It's on the side there.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57No, it's not here now. And where did...
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Ricky, you little prick!
0:23:59 > 0:24:04No, I don't want a sausage sandwich! Who the hell is this!
0:24:04 > 0:24:05It's my brother.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08All right?
0:24:08 > 0:24:09All right, mate.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Oi! What are you doing? I've only been here a minute!
0:24:18 > 0:24:20You just going sit there?
0:24:20 > 0:24:24- MOUTHS: I'm on the phone.- What's your problem?- I am doing my job!
0:24:24 > 0:24:26- You're being a dick!- Oh.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27I'm the dick, am I?
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Want to see me be a dick? I'll be a dick.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32- Oh, well bring it on!- Right, then!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35This is for your broken light.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37What broken tail... That wasn't me!
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Oh, fine. Fine.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Is this what you do with tickets?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Cos, you see, I don't know the system.
0:24:44 > 0:24:49- He's just doing his job.- Thank you. - No, he's not! It wasn't me!- Oi!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52It was him. Oh, my...
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Impregnate and kidnap my daughter, would you?
0:24:55 > 0:24:58- I can explain, right. I can explain! - Go on then explain, you mongrel!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00- I can't!- Get in the van!- Come here!
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Jesus, you mongrel!
0:25:03 > 0:25:04- Oh!- Argh!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06- Argh!- Argh!- Argh!
0:25:06 > 0:25:08- Argh!- Argh!- Argh!- Argh!
0:25:11 > 0:25:15- Argh!- Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh, blimey!
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I thought he was going to kill me!
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Where do I know that guy from?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Oh, I think I did some work at his house once.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Hey, he has got a fit...
0:25:26 > 0:25:28- What are you doing? - I'm going to kill you.- What?
0:25:28 > 0:25:29It was you, wasn't it?!
0:25:29 > 0:25:32It was you! It was you, you...
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- What's that you're watching? - Ferris Bueller.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47Bought it off a guy I know sells cheap DVDs.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- What happened to you? - Darren punched me.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58- Why'd he do that?- Cos I punched him!
0:25:58 > 0:26:02- That's fair enough. - Dad, he wasn't the only one.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04I'm not cut out for this.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Bollocks. You did fine!
0:26:06 > 0:26:09I didn't, Dad! I didn't get paid at all!
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Well, nor did I on my first go!
0:26:11 > 0:26:16You'll get there! Tomorrow is another day!
0:26:16 > 0:26:22Come on, I'll get your tea. Don't worry, son, the freaks are miles away!
0:26:26 > 0:26:27Ah.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Problem with junk mail?
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Oh, I knew you'd come back for me! I knew you wouldn't leave me!
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- You got everything?- Yeah.
0:27:02 > 0:27:03Yeah.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Get in the van.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- Right then, first job? - Number six, Bramfield Drive.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13It's a bathroom fitting.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17- Thank you.- So, are you planning on getting paid today?
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Well, come on! Come on!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Today, nothing's going to go wrong.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28- I love you, Oliver Curry.- Right!
0:27:28 > 0:27:30- Oi, where are you going? The job's that way.- Oh, is it?
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- Well, I'm taking her home!- Oh, what?
0:27:32 > 0:27:33Watch it!
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:43 > 0:27:47E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk