0:00:06 > 0:00:10- Paul! What's going on with our savings account?- Susan...
0:00:10 > 0:00:14- The money's gone. There's only £500 left.- Now's not really...
0:00:14 > 0:00:15Did you take it?
0:00:15 > 0:00:18- I can't say. - What do you mean "you can't say"?
0:00:18 > 0:00:20- You either took it or you didn't. - I didn't.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23Then we need to call the police.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26- Ok, I did. I took it.- I knew it!
0:00:28 > 0:00:29What did you spend it on?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31It better not be that bloody home cinema.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- That's an investment, that is. - We talked about this!
0:00:34 > 0:00:38You don't need sub thingies and surround sound.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39I didn't spend it on that.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42- Good, cos that's our money! - I earned it.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44I can't believe you just said that.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46- You always do this!- Fine.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47You want to know where the money is?
0:00:47 > 0:00:50This is where it is. Here!
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Susan Fisher, will you marry me?
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- No.- Good!- Fine!
0:01:09 > 0:01:10What about the Eiffel Tower?
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Eiffel Tower? You won't let me buy a telly.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13Get down on one knee and that.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16- Get down on one knee? - Oh, God, I hate you!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Oh, I hate you too!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Get out from my face. MOBILE RINGS
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Oh, so that's why it's...
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Not now!
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- What do you want for lunch? - I can't talk now, Darren.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- You shouldn't have answered the phone then.- I panicked.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Jesus Christ, it's a war zone here! Help me.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- I'll just get ham and cheese then? - It doesn't matter, Darren.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40- It mattered last week when I got KFC and you went all Jamie Oliver about it.- Shit, they're coming!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42..I'm going to my mum's anyway. She's not that keen on...
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Stop! I just want to marry you!
0:01:44 > 0:01:48- I just want to marry you too! - Then why are we arguing?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54What? What's happening?
0:01:54 > 0:01:55They're...
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Oh, my God. Are they doing it?!
0:01:58 > 0:02:02Is she fit? Can you get a photo?
0:02:02 > 0:02:03I think I can make it to the door.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08Oi, no! No! Listen, don't leave without getting paid. Not again, man.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Oh, bollocks.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12OK, hang on, hang on.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17GROANING
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Seriously, though, can you see her tits?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Yes, I can see her tits!
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Banging.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Get some pissing curtains.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- Is this your van? - Yeah, I'm moving it now.
0:02:45 > 0:02:50No, I live at number 42. I'm having some problems with my electrics. Do you fancy having a look?
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- Yeah, do you want me to come now? - Sorry, I'm just on the way out.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Have you got a card or something? Only, your number's not on the van.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Well, of course it's on the van.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59It's just at the back here.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Oh, my God, the number's not even on the van!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10The number's not even on the van!
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Sorry. I've just taken over the company, I didn't know...
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Well, could you write it down for me? Sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15No, it's fine, it's fine.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Let me just find a pen.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21..Don't know what that's doing in there.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23You haven't got a pen, have you?
0:03:23 > 0:03:27- No.- Right...- Card? Flyer?- Yeah, you'd think, love, wouldn't you?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Ok, look, I'll have to find someone online.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31I'm sorry.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Shame.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Yeah.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I've really got to go.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- OK.- Thanks, anyway.- All right.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Sorry, love.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Dick!
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- Oi-oi.- You not done yet?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Excuse me, there's a queue here.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00I'm not ordering, I'm just standing with him. Did you know...
0:04:00 > 0:04:03If you don't want serving, you can stand elsewhere.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- If you do want serving, you can go to the back.- I don't want serving.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Then stop making the queue longer.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11I'm not making the queue longer, I'm just...
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- That better, love?- Yes. - John, could you...
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Unbelievable.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22MOBILE RINGS
0:04:24 > 0:04:26'You all right, Dad?'
0:04:26 > 0:04:27How did you know it was me?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29'Cos the phone said.'
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- Well, how'd the phone know? - No, no, the phone doesn't know.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34I had to type your... Oh, it doesn't matter.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38- You picked up my prescription yet? - After I've made these flyers.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39What you doing that for?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Dad, can I just ask, how do we get work?
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- Word of mouth.- Jesus.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46It's like living in Steptoe and Son.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Oh, bollocks. - You all right? What you doing?
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Trying to relax.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Oh, keeping you up, are we?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- I'm tired.- That's cos you're up all night playing computer games.
0:05:02 > 0:05:07- You'll never get a girlfriend, Darren.- At least I'm not chasing someone way out of my league.
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Oh, God, how long's Emma been here?
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Ages, but I think she tried to hide when she saw you come in.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- You think I should go over and say hello?- Cheers, John.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- Get me a drink? - I didn't know you wanted one.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23John, can I have a can of Coke with that, please?
0:05:23 > 0:05:26- Hey! You said you weren't ordering. - I'm not, it's with that order.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30If you want to buy something, join the back of the queue like everybody else.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34I understand that but he'll give me the can, I'll pay, then I'll go.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- No, he's not. - Actually, I've changed my mind, could I get a can of Coke instead?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39- And you're ok with that? - He was in the queue.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41He was in the queue, yeah.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45- Forget it.- Causing trouble? - Hello!
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- Hey.- Yeah, you know me. I didn't know you were still...
0:05:48 > 0:05:55- Here? Yeah, looking at business opportunities in Maplebury, thinking of expanding, you know.- Oh, right.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- Do you want to...?- Yeah.- Yeah?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- Ok.- Cheers, mate.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- You remember...- Darren Brown.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13That's right, DARREN Brown.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Your knickers are pink.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Isn't his name Derren?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Is it?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Is it? I'm going to wait in the van.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27What? Hang on a second. Yeah, listen, come here.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Try and find a marker pen in the van and write the number on it.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- With a marker?- Shut up. It's only temporary. I'll be out in a minute.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Sorry about that.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- So, you're expanding to Maplebury?- Yeah,
0:06:42 > 0:06:45I'm just planning the website, cos that's what it's all about.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Who does yours?
0:06:47 > 0:06:54The web thing? Oh, we're sort of in-between, you know, web men, websters... I'm doing flyers.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Oh. Do people still use flyers?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Why don't you just make your own?
0:06:59 > 0:07:03Anyway, I've got to get to a meeting, but...
0:07:03 > 0:07:06We should have dinner. Soon.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07I'd love that.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11OK. Oh, and listen, could you get this? I left my purse in the car.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13That's fine.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19MOBILE RINGS
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Hello?
0:07:24 > 0:07:25'She's never going to shag you.'
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Yes, I know.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- Hey, John, how much would it be if I were to print some...- Hey!
0:07:31 > 0:07:36- Queue's there, mate. - I just wanted to ask him how much to print something.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Queue!
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Oi!
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Hey hey hey!
0:07:43 > 0:07:46What do you think? Flyers are done, mate.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48What's that?
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Well, it's workmen's tools.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53That's a hammer and sickle.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55People will think we're communists.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59- That's all I could find. They're tools, aren't they? - It's a communist symbol.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Well, like you could do any better.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- The seven looks like a two. - Bollocks does it, comrade.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16Hand these out and don't be all, "I'm Darren, do you want a flyer?"
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- Don't take no for an answer.- No, I'm not doing that, I'm a handyman.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Well, then, make yourself handy and hand them out.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Listen, I'll meet you in the hardware store in about an hour.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Hey...
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Here's what's going to happen.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- You lot are going hand these flyers out for me.- No way.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41OK, maybe you'll hand them out if I can get you Saw I-VI on DVD.
0:08:41 > 0:08:46- Yeah!- I want to see them everywhere, don't take no for an answer.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Whatever it takes, whatever it takes, come on. Let's go, whatever it takes!
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Whatever it takes!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Can I give you one of these, please?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Curry & Son Handymen, if you need any work doing, give us a call.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01- Thank you.- Hello, Curry & Son Home Maintenance.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06- Give it back, you little... - That's a pity.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10# Money, money, money, money The root of all evil... #
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- 15 Milner Drive.- Hey, mate, can I give you one of these?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Bloody ridiculous.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53How many electricians do we know?
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Argh!
0:09:55 > 0:10:01- Oi, sis!- What you doing? Get up.- I'm trying to sleep. - It's the middle of the day!
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- Why I'm in the room with broken lights!- I'm fixing that wiring.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Everyone just needs to calm down.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Oi! Oi!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- Hire this lot or we'll key your van. - Yeah.- Key it.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18What?
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Who's told you to do that?
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Darren!
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- Grow up, Darren! - What do you mean, grow up?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31I'm not the one who's favourite film's Labyrinth.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34It's brilliant. Those tights make David Bowie's package look huge.
0:10:34 > 0:10:39- David Bowie! You just want to see Ollie in those tights.- Darren!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Explain why some kids are threatening to key my van?
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Well, Oliver, I can only imagine it's a thing they do, a game, if you will,
0:10:45 > 0:10:50something to help them escape the tedious nature of their existence here in Maplebury.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- How long's he been here?- Judging from the smell, I'd say a few hours.
0:10:54 > 0:10:59- I just got here.- You never. I did. You never.- I don't care, because I was right.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Welcome to the 21st century.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- Is that the Soviet flag?- Ha ha! - Shut up.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08No, I thought they were workmen's tools. We're getting a website.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- You should get Darren's girlfriend to do it.- She's not my girlfriend.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14They play Bloodbath 7 online, they've been seeing each other ages.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Well, I say "seeing". He's never actually met her.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- I say "her", it's probably a bloke. - It's not a bloke.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23I've got her email address.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- Don't you dare.- Oh, yes, yes, please.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29- MOBILE RINGS - Oh, that'll be more work.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31If you'll excuse me.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35- Hello. - Hi, it's Claire from this morning.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36I got your flyer, Trotsky.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40No, I thought they were workmen's tools.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44You couldn't squeeze me in this evening, could you? I could...
0:11:44 > 0:11:47cook you some dinner or something as well?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Um, yeah.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51- Yeah, that sounds good.- 'Great.'
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Come round at seven, bring wine.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Ok. It's a date.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Great.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02OK, see you later.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06"Oh... oh...it's a date."
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- With that Emma? - Oh! Jealous!- Shut up!
0:12:11 > 0:12:14No, with someone else. Told you them flyers work.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18Not only have we got a full book of jobs, but also I've got a date.
0:12:18 > 0:12:23That's a good day at the office and that, my friend, is how you get a proper girlfriend.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25And you're a proper penis.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30David Bowie's tights.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- David Bowie's tights?- What?
0:12:34 > 0:12:35- He said David Bowie...- What?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Oh, it's just a bit mental, you know. See you in a bit.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I can't believe you don't know what she looks like.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45- She'll have a set of bollocks. - No, she won't.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48She will. ..Them pissing kids!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Hello, Mrs Bradley?
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Hiya, it's Ollie here from Curry's Home Maintenance. Hi, love.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58I'm just ringing to say we'll be a bit late, I'm afraid.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01What do you mean, we've already been?
0:13:01 > 0:13:06I'm sure it is lovely work but we didn't do it. Hello? Hello?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09She put the phone down. Why would she give our job to somebody else?
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Maybe she heard about the quality of your work.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Get in the van.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18- What's her name?- Zoe.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Oh.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Your internet girlfriend, eh?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26What do you reckon, munter or bloke?
0:13:29 > 0:13:30We're looking for Zoe?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32That's me, I'm Zoe.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38I'm Darren from...
0:13:38 > 0:13:39Bloodbath 7.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Mum!
0:13:43 > 0:13:44Hello.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Darren?
0:13:48 > 0:13:52Oh! Fantastic to meet you in the flesh. Oh!
0:13:53 > 0:13:57- Zoe?- Oh, Kat. I use my daughter's name online.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00It pisses her father right off. We're divorced, by the way.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Come on in, then. Let's see about sorting you a website.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07What just happened then?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09I don't know, but I like it.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Welcome to the Kat cave.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Wow.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Amazing.- Looks like the Starship Enterprise in here.- Which one?
0:14:23 > 0:14:28- You know, Starship Enterprise, Star Trek.- Yeah, but which Enterprise?
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Next Gen? Original?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Well, Kirk, Spock, that one.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Fascinating.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37- Yeah, I was thinking about the website. It needs... - Whatever. It'll cost you 150 quid,
0:14:37 > 0:14:39plus the costs of the domain name and host server.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43Just show me what you want and I'll make it so.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Star Trek.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Hey, I got something for you, if you want it.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53OK.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09What? I look cool.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- Seriously, take it.- Thanks.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14You want one?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17No. I'll just have this.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21This is for a business, right?
0:15:21 > 0:15:27Give me an extra 50 quid and I'll divert all other local handyman sites to yours...
0:15:27 > 0:15:31or porn, whichever you prefer. Wipe out the competition completely.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35No, I don't... No, I'll just have the website please.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Ok. Yeah, of course.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39I get it.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42No, no, no. I just want that.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Sure. Zero culpability.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46I understand.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48No, I'm serious.
0:15:48 > 0:15:54- Totally.- Ok, sorry, so you're not going do that, you're just going to do what I want, right?
0:15:54 > 0:15:59I'm just gonna create your site, nothing else.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02There was a smile and a wink, I don't... Did you see that?
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Hmm?
0:16:07 > 0:16:13- She's your perfect woman - an adult pretending to be a kid, just like you.- Piss off.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- Where's the van?- It's over there.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20- Didn't you park it here?- Yeah.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21What?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30What's going on, Darren?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Where's all our tools?
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- Stop what now? - Where did you flyer this morning?
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Milton Street, Longley Park and all that, why?
0:16:46 > 0:16:47- I'll call you back.- What for?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49You have no idea what you've done. We need to go right now.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Darren, what's going on?
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Darren!
0:16:53 > 0:16:56I don't get it, why have we got to go to the hardware store?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Because the hardware store is neutral, it's Switzerland.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- Switzerland? - Switzerland. Just drive.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04MOBILE RINGS
0:17:06 > 0:17:07Hey.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Greetings.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12Ok, yeah.
0:17:13 > 0:17:18- Yeah.- Where d'you find that pen? - Three Horseshoes... 7.30.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22No, no, no.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Yeah, right, OK. Bye.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- Who was that?- I got a date.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30You got a date? Whoo! Go on, Darren!
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Go play happy families. Hey, the Horseshoe's got a climbing frame!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Not the time, Ollie, really not the time.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03One week you've been running this business, one week.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:18:12 > 0:18:16- You're over there.- That you, Phil?
0:18:16 > 0:18:19You want to sit in that seat, you have to earn it.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30All right.
0:18:32 > 0:18:38This meeting of the five handymen families of Maplebury is called to order.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42You've got to be kidding me.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45For generations now,
0:18:45 > 0:18:51a system has been in place set in motion by your ancestors, so that you,
0:18:51 > 0:18:58the handymen of the town, can have fair trade within Maplebury, but today,
0:18:58 > 0:19:02for the first time in 56 years,
0:19:02 > 0:19:06somebody has crossed the line.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- What, me?- He didn't know.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16It's all new to him. I mean, it's my fault.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19- I thought he was ready, but... - Can we all just calm down?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Maybe put a light on?
0:19:21 > 0:19:27- What am I supposed to have done? - Today, you actively looked for work within someone else's territory.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I've got to be honest with you, if that's what he's been advertising with,
0:19:33 > 0:19:36I don't think we've got much to worry about.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38- That works. - I thought you used word of mouth.
0:19:38 > 0:19:43Don't matter. He's not doing anything without his tools.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Was that you? Did you nick the tools from my van?
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Oh, I see. Oh, ok. All right, so come on, who else did what, eh?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Who stole my work from Mrs Bradley's?
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Me, I did.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58You. And who plastered my van with flyers?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04You.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06And who moved my van across the road?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Anyone?
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Oh, great.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18So you lot can do all this to me, but I can't hand out flyers wherever I want?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21You know, you're not the law. You know, this is a free market.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23You can talk, communist!
0:20:23 > 0:20:24I thought they were workmen's tools.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- It was a mistake! - Dad, Dad, calm down.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30It was a mistake, that's all.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Oh, he's got a lot to learn, this isn't his world.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37- He's not even very good at it.- Oi!
0:20:37 > 0:20:38He made a mistake,
0:20:38 > 0:20:45but let's face it, when we all started, didn't we all make mistakes?
0:20:51 > 0:20:57Yeah, I did it! I thought to myself, "If you lot won't fix it, then I bloody well will."
0:20:57 > 0:21:00We can see what stock we've got now.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Sorry, was I interrupting something?
0:21:03 > 0:21:05I won't be a sec.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Emma's here. She wants to know if we've got one of those tape measures with the laser.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Total rubbish, waste of money, tell her to get a standard one.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15- I just thought I'd have a look now that I can see.- Liz!- Sorry!
0:21:15 > 0:21:17You want this leaving on?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Off, please.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24We will decide how you will make this right.
0:21:35 > 0:21:40That's sorted. You give us each one of your roads and we'll let it pass.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Thank you, gentlemen, that's very generous of you all.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47We'll change our websites and then we are done.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55You must have typed it wrong. Try again.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01- What the hell?- OK...
0:22:01 > 0:22:08What is this? Why is his web address going to Curry & Son website?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Let me try mine.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Oi!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Oh, no, Kat.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31All right, what other roads do you want?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33I'll put the rest back in the van.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Hey, it's not that bad. It will blow over,
0:22:37 > 0:22:40unless you find a horse's head in your bed.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42At that point, run.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Thanks, Liz.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Dad, sorry...
0:22:46 > 0:22:47I don't want to hear it, son.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49What's done is done.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Oh, look, there's the lovely Emma.
0:22:52 > 0:22:53Hi, Tony.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- You're looking well. - Yeah, feeling well, love.
0:22:55 > 0:23:00You'll come to the pub? I might let you buy the first round.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Oh, I'm supposed to be having an evening with my mum and dad.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05We're having a family meal and then a game of Boggle, like we used to.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08That sounds horrible. Why don't you come to the pub?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Well, if everyone else is going...?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Me? No, I can't. I can't, I've got...
0:23:14 > 0:23:18- He's got a date.- Shut up. It's not a date, it's just... it's like a work thing, it's not...
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- It's a date. - Yeah, it's a date, yeah.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- Another time, then.- Yeah.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25- Darren, pub? - Can't, doing the same as Ollie.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- That's disgusting. - It's different women.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Oh! Fine.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34- Liz, pub?- Of course.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39Well, we'll see you in The Oak and I shall be taking bets to see which one of you messes up his date first.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- Happy Boggling.- Thanks, Tony.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45- So, I'll see you soon, yeah? - Hang on, I've got something for you.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Here, I got this for you.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52It's the one with the laser.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56- I don't use it, so you can have it. - Thanks Ollie, that's sweet.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- Just don't tell my dad I own one. He'll kill me.- Oh, the power!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Oh, the battery's dead.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Oh, well, I'll get a new one.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Oh, OK.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I'll be seeing...
0:24:11 > 0:24:12Bollocks.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Hey, where does your date live again?
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Oakhill Gardens.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20You're not allowed down that road any more. All part of the new system.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Yes! Go on, go on, go on, go on!
0:24:33 > 0:24:37Oh, second place on the scoreboard.
0:24:37 > 0:24:42- What rude word shall I type as my name?- Well, I've always been a big fan of flaps.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Flaps it is then.
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Oh, my God.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47I think I love you.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53I'm sorry to come in and just take over, but I can't help myself.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57I'm glad you did. This looks fantastic.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59He fixes things and cooks?
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03You have to wait for the magic to be ready.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06So what do you do?
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Well, I'm a web designer.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10No!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14I've just gone through hell getting mine done.
0:25:14 > 0:25:19- Oh. Well, we'll have a look in a bit, yeah?- OK.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22Sorry, I've got to go soon.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25That's cool. Babysitters are expensive, eh?
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Hey, you're brilliant.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30There's so many guys get funny about the Zoe thing.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32- I think that's stupid. - I know, but they do.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36They're not as awesome as me, then. I'd like to take her out for the day.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38I'm amazing with kids, they love me.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41- I'm sure they do.- They see me as a father figure mixed with
0:25:41 > 0:25:46an older brother - strong and protective yet playful and fun.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48What a wonderful combination.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50I'd do anything for a kid.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Where's our DVDs?
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- Ah.- I've heard in Saw III a guy gets his eyes sewn together.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00What, you sell children DVDs?
0:26:00 > 0:26:03- No, I don't sell them. - We key cars for him.- What?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05He's making it sound much dodgier than it actually is.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Jesus, what are you?
0:26:07 > 0:26:11Some sort of Fagin? Is that why you offered to take Zoe out?
0:26:11 > 0:26:13- No, no.- Oh, you are so full of shit.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Well, you're not getting away with it. Wanker.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Please don't go. Please don't go.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22- DVDs.- You knobs.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27It's not a brilliant site, I just got a friend of a friend to do it,
0:26:27 > 0:26:30but I'd love to know what you think. Here you are.
0:26:32 > 0:26:37It just sort of says who we are and what we're about, really.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Is that a swastika?
0:26:42 > 0:26:44No, no, they're workmen's tools.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47No, that's a swastika.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49I just thought it was a nice image to have, you know.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- White Clan Man?- No, White Van Man.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59What is your problem?
0:26:59 > 0:27:03- Oh, she's messed with my site. - You arsehole!
0:27:07 > 0:27:09I'm gonna kill that prick.
0:27:12 > 0:27:18- Oh, that must have gone really badly, look, he's covered in blood. - Lasted longer than him.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20No you didn't, you just had further to travel.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24- Drinks?- I'm getting these. While you're running the business, you need to save all the money you can.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26He's her daughter.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Darren, give us a hand. - Can't you just make two journeys?
0:27:29 > 0:27:30Darren!
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- I'll not book a church, then. - Oh, Dad...
0:27:34 > 0:27:37You know what? I'm starting to see why you didn't have the number on the van.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Easier to run away. You're learning.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Hey, sorry.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45- I let you down today. - Oh, don't worry about those idiots.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47It's a fuss about nothing.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Look at the job book. You did good.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Thanks, Dad. Means a lot.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55Now, then, Darren, 10 points...
0:27:55 > 0:28:00Who'd win in a fight between Captain Kirk and the baldy English one?
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Piss off.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Oh, my God, he actually knows.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Look at your eyes, you've actually thought about it.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11- No. I wasn't thinking about it at all.- Oh, my God.
0:28:11 > 0:28:12- You can tell by your face.- Hey.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:20 > 0:28:23E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk