0:00:09 > 0:00:11Seriously, you're just gonna sit there?
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Yeah. That's pointless. I don't know why you're doing it.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16It's what we're getting paid for.
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Come on, grab a brush.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19I don't think so.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Oi, is that my tee-shirt?
0:00:23 > 0:00:24Yeah, I found it in the van.
0:00:24 > 0:00:29- What-What are you doing? - It needs to be darker.
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Darren?
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Darren, Darren...
0:00:36 > 0:00:39- Why?- Well, basically, my brother's out of town,
0:00:39 > 0:00:42he left me in charge of his flat, I had a party and I got a stain on the sofa.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45- So you thought you'd ruin my tee-shirt?- No, I'm trying to recreate the stain.
0:00:45 > 0:00:50He loves that sofa, if he finds out I've stained it he'll rip my nuts off. I've tried everything.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53- Have you tried some lemon juice, few drops of vinegar?- No, I haven't,
0:00:53 > 0:00:56- Mrs Curry. Is that meant to work? - Well, I'm only trying to help.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58You haven't seen the stain. It's one of Wayne's cocktails.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02The last time he made it I got some in my hair and it turned ginger, seriously.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04I didn't get laid for months. My balls were aching, man.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Well, you owe me a new tee-shirt. And for God's sake,
0:01:07 > 0:01:11- will you help me with this painting? - No chance. I told you. Total waste of time.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Working hard there, boys?
0:01:13 > 0:01:16- Painting my little heart out. - It's looking good, Martha.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Glad to hear it.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- See, she'll never know.- Darren, just because she's blind doesn't mean we take the piss.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24She's not bothered. Look, check it out.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Martha, did you ask for the walls to be this colour or was it the Council?
0:01:28 > 0:01:30I couldn't give a shit, love.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Council repaints every four years by law.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Just get it done and get gone as quick as you can. No offence.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- None taken. See, leave it.- Oi, I've worked hard to get us this Council contract,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- we're good honest handymen, I want people to see that.- She won't.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48- Darren.- She can't see anything. - That's not the point.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51- It kind of is.- Just get a brush.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Never gonna happen.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Forget it.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Darren...
0:01:57 > 0:02:00keep the tee-shirt, it's yours.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01Bit too much yellow.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- Thanks, Ollie. - Hey, it's no problem.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14I mean you could have told me before.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19Oh yeah, sure. Remember that restaurant idea I nicked off you? Well, it's dying on its arse.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22You could have put it better than that. I mean, it's not...
0:02:28 > 0:02:29Ollie!
0:02:31 > 0:02:33What are you looking at?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Wow...that came from nowhere.
0:02:44 > 0:02:52- Yeah, I...I was a bit nervous so I just thought I'd go for it. - Well, you certainly did that.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- What's that noise? - It's nothing, it's... Oh my God.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Isn't that your dad? - Yeah, I think it is.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18- Hello, Tony.- Hello, Debbie. Have you seen the state of your roof tiles?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Dad.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27- What you doing? - Nothing, no, I was just passing. Saw Debbie had some broken tiles.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- You did, did you?- Yes, so I thought I'd be public spirited,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33you know, knock on her door, give your mum a free quote to fix them.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- Oh, that's very kind. - That's unbelievable.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39That would have been nasty wouldn't it, Tone?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Might have made me go all doolally.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44A little bit more doolally, Debbie. What are you like?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Dad, can I have a word, please?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49No, not now, son, I'm working.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Shall I send Darren over tomorrow?
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Oh, won't it be you, Tony?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I was going to make some muffins.
0:03:57 > 0:04:02- If only it could be. If only it could be.- Aw...
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- Shall we go now? - Yeah, I think we should.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Ollie, lunch tomorrow?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Yeah, I'll give you a call.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Tony, I'll see you soon.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I can't believe you're still doing that.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23If I left it for you to find work, we'd bloody starve.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Dad, we're doing things differently now, by the book, nothing dodgy.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- Sure, simple as that.- What?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Nothing.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Come on, what?
0:04:33 > 0:04:37- You've been driving round on a fake tax disc for two weeks.- You what?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Dad, I'm just trying to be honest from now on, please.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- You've got to bend the rules a bit. - You don't bend the rules, you smash them to bits.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47That's slander!
0:04:49 > 0:04:53So I woke up this morning as usual, surrounded by my dad's gym equipment
0:04:53 > 0:04:58- and I then get a call from my investor, Ian. He's had my idea for the Toast Office...- My idea.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59- Your idea.- Yeah, yeah.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01..circling in his head all week.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06Anyway, long story short, having seen Maplebury he's willing to invest. He thinks it's a winner.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08- Oh my God.- I know. He wants to open on the high street.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10That's amazing.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12So this morning I had a look and there's a property for lease.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Yeah, yeah, Doris's, the old 'haberdoushary'.
0:05:16 > 0:05:21- A what?- 'Haberdoushary,' you know it sells fabrics and needles, that kind of thing.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24No that's a 'haberdishery'. No, hab...
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Oh, you've made me forget now.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- Doris.- Doris's. Anyway, it's perfect but if we don't get it'll be ages
0:05:29 > 0:05:32before something else comes up and I'll lose Ian so...
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- So let's make sure we get it. - I was hoping you'd say that.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39So the estate agent's have gone to sealed bids and there's only one other bidder, Archie Dunthorne.
0:05:39 > 0:05:45Oh yeah, he's the Peter Stringfellow of Maplebury, he's 56 years old and only wears leopard-print underwear.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Don't ask me how people know that but they do.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50So we need to go in with a higher bid.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Well, what we really need to do is find out what the other bid is.
0:05:53 > 0:05:58- Yeah, that'd be good. - I don't even know how we would do that. How would we do that?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00I don't know.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Unless you broke into the estate agent's and had a look.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07Yeah, if only I knew someone who would be willing to do that.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11- Yeah, it'd be a big help.- There must be someone though, mustn't there?
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Let me think, who do I know who would know someone who could get
0:06:14 > 0:06:18that bid for us, who'd do something like that?
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Wouldn't that be just perfect...for us?
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Oh!
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Darren, listen, I need a favour.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32- Wait, wait. You are not going to believe this.- No, no, no, me first.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- You've not done any painting. - Yes I have.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39It's a shame she'll never see it.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- Darren, I don't pay you to mess about.- You don't pay me, your dad pays me.- No,- I- pay you.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Hang on, is my dad still paying you? Are you getting paid twice?
0:06:47 > 0:06:51No, shut up. Why would your dad be paying me? It's your business. It's a joke, man, it's a joke.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Lighten up, it's funny.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Anyway, listen, right, I need a big favour.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Me too. Check this out.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06That is exactly the same as my brother's sofa.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13- Don't even think about it. - It's the same size, same colour, same everything.
0:07:13 > 0:07:19- I'm not swapping a blind woman's sofa for a stained one at your brother's flat.- Yeah, but she'll never know.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20She'll have friends who aren't blind.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23They'll think it was her. I bet she's always bumping into stuff.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- We don't rip people off, Darren. - All right. What do- you- want?
0:07:28 > 0:07:33I need you to get someone to break into the estate agent's to look at some paperwork for me.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36- Oh, and that's really honest. - I'm not hurting anyone.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- Why would you think I would know someone that could that anyway? - Um, because you do.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- What, because I'm half white?- I'll tell your brother about the stain.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45- I'll make some calls. - Good. Sort that wall out.
0:07:52 > 0:07:58Come on. Jesus! Where've you been? I've been sat here all conspicuous. Have you found someone?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Hey, calm down, Ronnie Biggs, it's all under control. He's on his way.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- Why I'm even doing this? - To get your end away.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- It's not just that. - You could have fooled me.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Come here, come here.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Who do you even know that can come and do this?
0:08:13 > 0:08:18- Oi oi!- No, no way. It's not happening, no.- Couldn't have parked much closer, could you?
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- Anyone could see us from here. It's good a job your advertising's shit. - DARREN LAUGHS
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Why him? It's Ricky.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28Look, look, to show there's no hard feelings, how about this sat nav?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- Fancy it? You ain't got one in the van.- Because you nicked it.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35- Whatever, do you want it?- Yeah, go on then.- Call it 50 quid.- Away.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- I'll throw in a couple of DVDs for your dad and all.- No, thank you. - Suit yourself.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- All right, Dazza?- Yes, yes.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42BOTH: Clack-clack!
0:08:44 > 0:08:48- Do you know what we need? - Yeah, shall we?
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Whoa, whoa. Hey, what do you mean, we?
0:08:51 > 0:08:52We're not going in there, just you.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55No, I can get you in but I don't know what you're looking for, that's down to you.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I'm not going in there. It's illegal. Got a bright yellow tee-shirt on.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Oh, stop being such a girl. There's no alarms, no cameras, nothing.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Just you, me and the D Dog, in and out, that's the deal.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Oh, D Dog?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Can you just get us in?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13I need a credit card.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Eh? What?
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Cheers.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Right, let's get to work.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- Can I have my card back?- Sh.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35- God, I'm good. - ALARM BEEPS QUIETLY
0:09:35 > 0:09:3715 seconds till the alarm.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43Now, imagine if she didn't shag you now, that would be embarrassing.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46What am I even doing here?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Now that's the kind of place I want.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Yeah, it's nice but in all honesty if I was paying that I'd want a third bedroom.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- Yeah, but how long's a piece of string?- Oi! Oi!
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- Come on, the alarm! What you doing? - All right, keep your knickers on.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Quick. Quick! It's going to go off.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Quick, quick! Quick!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06- BEEPING STOPS - And you know what?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08- For that price I'd want a garden and all.- Yeah.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10- Hey, is that it done?- Yeah. - How did you do that?
0:10:10 > 0:10:15I know, I know. Is it cos you can see where it's worn and which ones are used more? No, no, it's not.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19- It's a standard number for all keypads. That's it, isn't it? - Why's he whispering?
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- Because he thinks if he talks too loud we're going to get caught. - Shit!
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Oh, it was close then, that car.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30You two just stand there?
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Find the paperwork!
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- Where will it be?- I don't know - check where the sealed bids are.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- Where's that?- I- don't know!
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Next to the 'I can't believe we've broken and I want to get out of here quick' cupboard.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Hey, no need to be like that. I don't have to be here, you know.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Yes, you do. You're here so I'll let you swap that sofa with your brother's.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52But what am I even doing here?
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Shit, police!
0:10:58 > 0:11:02Oh, ha-ha(!) Very funny. I don't care now. I'm going, right? I don't care.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- What about the papers for Emma? - I knew it. It's always a woman.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07I don't care, right? I'm going.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09- I'm leaving.- Say, wait, wait!
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Is this what you're looking for?
0:11:11 > 0:11:14"Sealed bids for the 'hayberdayshery' "?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18- That's it!- Oi, sofa.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19Give it here!
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Right, right, right, OK.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Pen doesn't work.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32- Ricky!- It's an addiction.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Put everything back.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- We can't let people know we've been here.- Fine.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45OK.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51Milk?! It was by the kettle. Look, I can't help it, all right?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Right, Darren. Put these back.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Right, that's it. Let's go, let's go.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- What you doing?- Look at them.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14They're just so...beautiful.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17My God, why have I never thought of this before?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Think of the treasures.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21No, don't you dare. Get out. Get out.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23All right, all right.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Can you believe that, we did it? It was amazing.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Oh, my God!
0:12:29 > 0:12:33- It's midnight, does he not take any time off?- Do you want me to get that off for you?
0:12:33 > 0:12:37- No, no. It's fine. You've done more than enough, thank you. How much do we owe you?- Oh, nothing.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- Nothing?- Yeah, people like us, we've got to stick together.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Don't say that. I'm nothing like you. I'm not a criminal.
0:12:42 > 0:12:48- Oi, I'm just doing my job.- You might want to have a think about what it is you actually do.- You're one to talk!
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Look, let's just say you owe me a favour and when I need something and I think you can help,
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- I'll give you a call. - I'm not owing you anything.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Sorry, mate, you already do. See you later, Darren, yeah?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Yeah, see you later, Ricky.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05- Do you know if Darren's brother's home tonight?- No, he's out of town. Why?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07No reason.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Ricky...
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Prick. Grrr!
0:13:12 > 0:13:16How much is it for declamping? I'll have to go the cash point.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Hasn't he still got your credit card?
0:13:18 > 0:13:19No.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Shit!- Oi, I'm having that sofa.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40- # Stop your messing around - Ah-ah-ah
0:13:40 > 0:13:45- # Better think of your future - Ah-ah-ah
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- # Time you straightened right out - Ah-ah-ah
0:13:48 > 0:13:54- # Creating problems in town - Ah-ah-ah... #
0:13:54 > 0:13:59Martha! I'm just going to move the sofa slightly, so don't come in and sit down.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01OK, love.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04(And when I say slightly, I mean to the other side of town.)
0:14:13 > 0:14:18- # Stop your fooling around - Ah-ah-ah
0:14:18 > 0:14:22- # Time you straighten right out - Ah-ah-ah
0:14:22 > 0:14:26- # Better think of your future - Ah-ah-ah
0:14:26 > 0:14:32- # Else you'll wind up in jail - Ah-ah-ah
0:14:32 > 0:14:36# Rudi, a message to you
0:14:36 > 0:14:41# Rudi, a message to you... #
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Darren?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Have you got the front door open?
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Bloody workmen. I'm freezing me tits off here.
0:15:09 > 0:15:14- # Stop your messing around - Ah-ah-ah
0:15:14 > 0:15:19- # Better think of your future - Ah-ah-ah
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- # Time you straighten right out - Ah-ah-ah
0:15:22 > 0:15:28- # Creating problems in town - Ah-ah-ah
0:15:28 > 0:15:33# Rudi, a message to you Rudi... #
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Darren, was that you? Are you all right?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Yeah, I'm all right, thanks.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42So?
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Oh my God, you did it.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55- I didn't think you... How did you even get this?- Who's saying I did?
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Ha-ha! This is fantastic!
0:15:57 > 0:16:01- I know.- It's so much lower than I thought. I've got to phone Ian.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02- Well, he's probably busy.- Sh.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Hi, Ian, it's Emma.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Listen, don't ask me how I know but I know Dunthorne's bid. Yeah.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11We can go in at 50k.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Yeah, no, no, seriously, we can.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16OK, bye. I've got to get on.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- What the f...?- How did it go?
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Will she let you bang her now?
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Darren?
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Where... Are you in the cupboard?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Yeah.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I've locked him in there, the thieving little turd.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Oh, what, um...
0:16:53 > 0:16:55- What did he try to steal? - Are you blind?
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Even I know there's a five-foot sofa stuck in the door.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03- Yeah, I just didn't know whether you'd tried to...- Don't patronise me, you knob end.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- Your little helper... - Um, business partner.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07..tried to steal MY sofa.
0:17:07 > 0:17:12- Actually, I was only swapping it. - Look, OK, I'm really, really sorry.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16- Why don't we just put the sofa back, we'll finish our work and we'll leave you alone?- I don't think so, mush.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I want compensation or I'm going to the press.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24- Come on, to say what?- That a Council-employed handyman tried to steal a sofa off a blind woman.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29- But...- Yeah, and you locked me in the cupboard.- And if you don't shut up I'll punch you in the nut sack.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32OK, OK. What is it you want?
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Tell you what - get me free internet and satellite TV and I'll forget all about it.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42What? We're not like that, we're by the book, we don't...
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Oh, flick a switch, twiddle a cable, free internet and TV.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- We can't do that.- I could do it.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- There you go.- But I want the sofa.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53- Darren.- I'm just going to swap it for a stained one.- Deal.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- Deal.- Deal?
0:17:58 > 0:18:00We're not all dodgy workmen, you know.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- All right, deal.- Yay!
0:18:05 > 0:18:09- Sorted. Want me to let him out? - Not really.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Hello?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19I need the toilet.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Uncle Phil, will you hurry up with that stuff!
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- <- It's heavy. I'm very old.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Ooh, the man of my dreams.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Oh good, sarcastic Liz is working.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36- <- Hello, Ollie. - Hiya, Phil.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38< CLATTERING
0:18:38 > 0:18:39- <- Bloody hell!
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- What's he doing?- Showing off. Ignore him. What can I do for you?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45I need a phone splitter and a couple of router cables, please.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Ooh, are you getting free internet?
0:18:47 > 0:18:53- No, no.- Uncle Phil, when you bring up that box, we need a couple of router cables too.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- <- I think I hurt my leg when I fell.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58No, you didn't. ..He didn't.
0:18:58 > 0:19:03- So, um, you pop anything in those pockets when I wasn't looking? - No, no, why would I do that?
0:19:03 > 0:19:08Is it going on your tab or are you going to wait till I turn my back and then leg it?
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Why you going on like I'm going to n...?
0:19:10 > 0:19:13You know, don't you? Darren's told you. I don't believe it.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16- I can explain.- You don't need to.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17CRASHING AND CLATTERING
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- <- OK. This time I think I hurt my hip.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23He's such an attention-seeker.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Do you want to get out of here?
0:19:26 > 0:19:30- What?- Uncle Phil, I'm popping out. - I think I'm really hurt.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33PHIL GROANS
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- You all right, Phil?- Come on.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41- <- Blasted girl. Always popping out.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Rastafari...
0:19:48 > 0:19:51You know your problem, Curry?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- Your brother? - Yeah, apart from Darren.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58You just keep assuming everything's broken.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Well, I'm a handyman. I'd be out of a job if it wasn't.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03You know what I mean.
0:20:03 > 0:20:09You keep looking for things that you don't need. You keep trying to fix things that don't need fixing.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13You just need to stop and look around at what you already have.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15OK.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19- I mean, this stuff with the estate agent's is so stupid.- I know.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22It's not even good stupid like Steve Martin or Monty Python.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26It's bad stupid like Kerry Katona or Transformers 2.
0:20:26 > 0:20:31- I hope you've got a point at the end of this.- Yeah, I do, um, listen...
0:20:31 > 0:20:34What I'm trying to say is...
0:20:34 > 0:20:36- PHONE RINGS - Bloody hell.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41- Hello?- 'Liz, my back is broken!
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- 'My back is broken!' - No, it's not broken!
0:20:43 > 0:20:48- Just get up and walk it off! - 'Wait, wait!'
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Sorry. Um...
0:20:50 > 0:20:53SHE SIGHS
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Look, what I'm...
0:20:55 > 0:21:01What I'm trying to say is sometimes you've already got what you need.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Sometimes it's right in front of your face.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11You know what, Liz? You're right.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17I just need to tell Archie Dunthorne Emma's bid.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20What? No...no, that's not what I meant.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23No, but it is, it is. It's perfect. I can straighten things out, right my wrongs.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27You tell Phil he can keep his phone splitter I won't be needing it.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- Ollie...- Liz, you're brilliant. How are you possibly still single?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33I... See you in a bit.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36You tell me.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45# Yeah, yeah, yeah
0:21:47 > 0:21:50# Everything I try to do
0:21:50 > 0:21:52# Seems to go wrong
0:21:54 > 0:21:57# It seems I have done something wrong
0:21:57 > 0:22:00# Why they trying to keep me down?
0:22:00 > 0:22:04# Who God bless no one curse
0:22:04 > 0:22:06# Thank God I'm not the worst
0:22:06 > 0:22:08# Better must come one day
0:22:08 > 0:22:11# Better must come
0:22:11 > 0:22:13# They can't conquer me
0:22:15 > 0:22:18# Better must come, yeah. #
0:22:18 > 0:22:19OLLIE GRUNTS
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- Stop pushing it. - I'm not pushing, you're pushing it.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- Twist it... - That's what I'm trying to do!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26- No, get the arm through first. - I've got my foot trapped.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Yeah, I'll sign for the cable, mate.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Right.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... #
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- Thank you.- Cheers.- Cheers.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- Right, my right or your right? - My right.- Right.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- My right.- Right, yeah.- Stop turning it to the left!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- I'm going to kill you in a minute. - Bloody workmen.
0:22:42 > 0:22:43What's wrong with you?
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- That's it. It's all fixed. - Oh, thanks, Ollie.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54- What do I owe you? - Oh, let's just call it quits.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Well, don't I owe you anything?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58No, just think of it as goodwill.
0:22:58 > 0:22:59Oh...
0:23:01 > 0:23:03I'll leave you two to it.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08- Say hi to your dad from me. - Yes, I will.
0:23:09 > 0:23:14- How are you doing? - I feel like I've got nothing left to do but to apply for The Apprentice.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Can I have a hug?
0:23:18 > 0:23:19Course you can. Here.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23I can't believe he upped his bid.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26That's mental, why would he do that?
0:23:28 > 0:23:32I don't know. I'm sorry we didn't get it.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Yeah, me too.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37What am I going to do now?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Hey, what are WE going to do now?
0:23:39 > 0:23:43- Oh, you're all right, aren't you? You've got the van.- Yes, I've got the van.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- You can come and work for me. - Ha-ha-ha-ha(!)- Ha-ha!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54That was nice.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- PHONE RINGS - Sorry.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59Who's number's that?
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- Hello.- 'Oi oi! So,'
0:24:02 > 0:24:05here's the deal, favour's a favour and it's time to cash it in.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- What are you and your van doing right now?- Hang on.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- Sorry, it's another job I've got to finish.- Oh.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- Oh, I thought we could go for dinner or...- Don't think I can.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- No, it's fine.- Anyway, there's nowhere good to eat round here.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21All right, well, listen, I'll, um,
0:24:21 > 0:24:23see you tomorrow.
0:24:23 > 0:24:24See you tomorrow.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Bye.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Right, you little prick. Let's get this over with.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Oh, come on don't be like that. I just need some stuff shifting.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37It's a little job for me gran.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40I'd do it myself, only...
0:24:40 > 0:24:42ALARM BEEPS GENTLY
0:24:42 > 0:24:44..I'm a bit busy at the moment.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49- Grandmother, my arse!- Seriously, Ollie, chill out.
0:24:49 > 0:24:54Now where are you, you sexy little things? Oh, hubba hubba.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58'Listen, I know you.'
0:24:58 > 0:25:02It's not your gran. It'll be Big Alan and a load of knocked-off Viagra or summat.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03How dare you? She is old.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07She's just had a hip replacement. She fought in the war, you know.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Er, Ricky...where are you?
0:25:10 > 0:25:14Me? Oh, um, I'm at home, you know.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Feet up, about to watch a Danny Dyer film.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Oh, all right. It's just that I can see you in the estate agent's.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Oh, and in other news, I've just seen some police cars coming this way,
0:25:29 > 0:25:33so if that is you, I'd get out quick, you know, just in case.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- 'Oh, bloody hell! - 'Oh yeah, and Ricky,'
0:25:36 > 0:25:40I think that me saving your skin counts for a favour, don't you?
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Thank you, bye!
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Grandmother! The lying little prick.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51'Emergency. Which service?'
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Yeah, hello. Police, please.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54HE CHUCKLES
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Hiya, it's Richard.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Look, I haven't been able to get that van for tonight
0:26:06 > 0:26:08so we're going to have to move your stuff another night.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11You haven't tried to move it by yourself, have you?
0:26:11 > 0:26:12POLICE SIRENS APPROACH
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Oh, look, I'm really sorry. I'll call you later.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Bollocks!
0:26:24 > 0:26:27God, your brother lives in a dump!
0:26:28 > 0:26:29Look, I don't get it.
0:26:29 > 0:26:35We're now paying 35 quid a month for satellite TV we don't even have.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Just think of it as a charity donation. Help the blind.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40I don't like it.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Companies like that, they're not caring like us.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Well, don't look at me like that.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52- New start - honest through and through, me.- Oh, yeah?
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Well, we will be in a minute.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Give us the keys.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Cheers.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- So you're honest now, are you? - Yes. Yes, I am.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04So you don't want me to sort out that free internet and satellite for you?
0:27:04 > 0:27:08- Free internet? No, I want the internet. Don't tell his lordship, though.- Yeah, I won't.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14Right. So, estate agent's sorted.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18Ricky's sorted. Just swap this sofa with you brother's, everything's sweet. Shall we?
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Bloody hell. It's a bit minimalist, isn't it?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Where's everything gone?
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Oh, no!
0:27:39 > 0:27:40BOTH: Ricky!
0:27:41 > 0:27:45# We were thick as thieves
0:27:45 > 0:27:49# Frightened by shadows and the autumn leaves
0:27:49 > 0:27:53# And hey ho, where did it go?
0:27:53 > 0:27:57# When did we lose our sight?
0:27:57 > 0:28:00# And it's a nice show
0:28:00 > 0:28:02# The ones we perform
0:28:02 > 0:28:05# Performing in day and night. #
0:28:05 > 0:28:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk