0:00:03 > 0:00:05Come on, son, calm down!
0:00:05 > 0:00:08- You calm down! - Don't you talk to me like that.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11- Don't talk to him like that. - Shut up, Darren!
0:00:11 > 0:00:14- Who you talking to? It's all because of you...- Stay out of it!
0:00:14 > 0:00:16ALL SHOUT OVER ONE ANOTHER
0:00:17 > 0:00:21This programme contains adult humour.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26I wouldn't mind, but no-one even listens to me!
0:00:26 > 0:00:27Our baby!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53- Why's he got it?- He doesn't need it, he's got both legs.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Have you seen his legs? Could be a spare.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00Maybe it's his dead wife's and he keeps it to remember her by.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Or maybe he can't afford a golf club and he uses this instead.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Or maybe you should put it down and help me.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10All right. Time of the month?
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Surfing the crimson wave?
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Arsenal playing at home, are they?
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Are you on the rag?
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Darren, I'm not in the mood.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23- Bet you say that to all the girls. - Oh!- Oh, I know why you got the hump.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Your date with Emma sucked. I'm right, aren't I?
0:01:27 > 0:01:31I told you she wouldn't put out. You'd have to pay her.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Which reminds me, could I get an advance on my wages this month, please?
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- What?- What!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Is that how your brain works?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45You wind me up, wind me up, wind me up, wind me up and then,
0:01:45 > 0:01:48"Oh, can I have an advance on my wages, please?"
0:01:48 > 0:01:50You're a dick!
0:01:51 > 0:01:52So no chance then?
0:01:52 > 0:01:57- No.- Oh... Oh, erm, sorry to interrupt.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- Oh, that's OK, Mr Sawyer, everything all right? - Yes, yes, yes.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04I've got to pop out to pick up my pension.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Oh, OK.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I must get it today or I wouldn't be able to pay you gentlemen,
0:02:09 > 0:02:11or eat.
0:02:11 > 0:02:16It's just that, well, you know,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18I've got to go out.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19OK.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23And you'll still be, erm, you know...here.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Oh!
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Listen, don't worry about it, Mr Sawyer. People leave us on our own all the time.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33We'll just be here working. Everything'll be just as you left it.
0:02:33 > 0:02:38- We won't even go through your drawers.- What?- No...
0:02:38 > 0:02:42It's nothing, just a joke. We won't go through your drawers, I promise.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46- Won't be long. - Albert, go. You can trust us.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52All right.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Cheeky bugger. Just for that, I'm going to nick his DVD player.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Oh, that's a brilliant plan.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06LOCK RATTLES
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Tell me he didn't.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19He's locked us in.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24Oi! Oi, you old codger, open up.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Calm down, he won't hear you, he's proper deaf.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30- Oi! Open this door! - He's just anxious.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31I don't...
0:03:31 > 0:03:36I don't like being trapped, like locked in, caged in.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Don't be daft.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40That's a violation of our human rights, that is.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43He can't do that. He can't do that!
0:03:43 > 0:03:48Hey... What if he dies out there?
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Well, he's really old, isn't he? It could be days before people find us.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57Days, days, days...
0:03:57 > 0:04:00No! No! No! No!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02No, let me out!
0:04:04 > 0:04:07I'll tell you what, you always manage to cheer me up.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11Oi, you can't lock me in here! What gives you the right to do that?
0:04:11 > 0:04:16I haven't done anything wrong. You're not my dad!
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Whoa.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25'Imagine you're a whale -
0:04:25 > 0:04:29'graceful, elegant, serene.
0:04:29 > 0:04:34'Swimming in the vast, watery depths of this beautiful planet's oceans.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38'Now, deep breaths.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40'In...
0:04:43 > 0:04:45'..and out.
0:04:47 > 0:04:52'In and out.'
0:04:52 > 0:04:53DOOR BELL RINGS
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Thank God for that.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58What a load of old bollocks.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Hello, Mr Curry, guess what?
0:05:01 > 0:05:03My contractions have started.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Ah! Is Ollie home?
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Oh, sweetheart, we talked about this weeks ago! It's not Ollie's.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13Oh, course it is. Babe! Babe! I'm here to start a family!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15All right! I'll give him a call.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18He'll be delighted to hear from you.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33- I spy with my little eye...- No.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- What?- I'm not playing it. - Only cos you're rubbish at it.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- I'm not, I'm brilliant. That's what makes it shit. - Oh! Come on then.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- I spy with my little eye, something beginning with R. - Radiator.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Lucky guess.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Right, something beginning with...H.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Hammer.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- C.- Curtains.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Oh, my God, you're like insanely good. All right, OK.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03- Hard one. I spy with my little eye... - Cantilevered shelving bracket.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Come on. No, seriously, how do you do that?
0:06:13 > 0:06:17And don't you think we should ration that? It has been ages.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Don't start, man.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I'm not trying to mess with you, just saying, he's been ages.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Post Office isn't that far, even with bionic hips.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27- Do you know what bit I'd have bionic?- Don't say it.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- Eyes, I was going to say eyes. - No, you wasn't.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34- No, I wasn't, I was going to say knob.- Thank you, Oscar Wilde.
0:06:38 > 0:06:43- Oh, shit, my battery's dead.- Why's it dead? Didn't you charge it?- No.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- Give me your phone. - You're well anal about that stuff. Why didn't you charge it?
0:06:47 > 0:06:52I just didn't. You didn't go home last night, did you?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- No, Darren, I didn't go home last night.- Oh, you dirty stop-out!
0:06:55 > 0:06:58I can't believe it, you actually banged Emma.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02No, I didn't bang Emma, thank you very much.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04We just had a lovely meal and a couple of drinks.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I just stayed over.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Amazing.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- So, tell me about it. What was she like?- I'm not talking about that.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Don't be ridiculous, you've got to give me something to take my mind off this.
0:07:15 > 0:07:20- Were her breasts exquisite?- Darren, I am not going to talk about this.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24- Cos when I've imagined her breasts they've been...- Darren!
0:07:24 > 0:07:26What are you doing?
0:07:26 > 0:07:28You're always moaning that we don't talk enough.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Now's your chance. I want to know everything!
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Apart from the bits involving you, obviously,
0:07:33 > 0:07:37if you could edit them out, that'd be great.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41- OK, I'll give you something. Shut your face.- He scored with Emma.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46Hang on, you pulled a total hottie. Why are you in a bad mood?
0:07:46 > 0:07:50- Because I work with you and you're a massive ball-bag.- I know.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54I've been a ball-bag for ages, mate. This is something different.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59- Did little Ollie let you down? - No. Give me your phone.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- I can't, it's in the van.- Why? - Cos I never get any calls, not important ones.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Brilliant.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08MOBILE RINGS
0:08:14 > 0:08:18There, you see, look, I tried. Where's your dad?
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Spain, but you didn't hear it from me.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Tax evasion?- Parking ticket.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27- Parking ticket?- Ooh!
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- We need to get you to hospital. - I ain't going nowhere without Ollie.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32He'll want to be there for the birth.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35No, we talked about this before.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37You were calling lots of handymen
0:08:37 > 0:08:40to try and find the one that you'd slept with.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Ollie turned up, you thought it was him, but it wasn't.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46And then we all thought it was Darren, didn't we,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49because you had actually had sex with him.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55But then he came round to see you, didn't he? And he had a long chat,
0:08:55 > 0:09:00and then you remembered that it wasn't actually Darren's baby at all. It was Dave's!
0:09:04 > 0:09:06The man who did your loft conversion.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Which one's Darren, again?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Big hair, you know, gangly.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Looks like Lionel Richie. - Oh, him, yeah, he's cute.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17I think he did some work at my house once.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19I know... I know that!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Dave.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25- That baby is Dave's.- I don't know anyone called Dave.- Course you do.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- Everyone knows someone called Dave. - Well, I don't.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32- He did your loft conversion. - We don't have a loft conversion.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Yes, you do!
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- We don't even have a loft. - Yes, you do!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Ooh!
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Oh, my God!
0:09:42 > 0:09:46He never came to see you, did he? The lying little shit.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Ah! Ooh...
0:09:47 > 0:09:52- We need to get you to hospital, quick.- Not without Ollie!
0:09:52 > 0:09:56Dear God, woman, you are freakishly strong!
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- Where is he?- I don't know.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02- He didn't come home last night.- Why not? Where was he?- He had a date.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06- Ooh! He had a date.- With who?
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Ah! God almighty!
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- Liz, do you...?- Emma, perfect. Pick a card...- Yeah, I don't have time.
0:10:19 > 0:10:24- I need to find Ollie. Do you know where he is?- You haven't got time. Shame on you.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- Shame on you.- Liz...- Pick a card!
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Right, look at the card.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32- You memorised it?- Yeah.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Good. Now pop it back in the pack.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- Look, can we just... - Pop it back in the pack!
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Right, now I'll flick through.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44You say stop, and that will magically be your card.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- Stop.- Da-da!- No.- What?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- Three of clubs.- Bollocks. Right, hang on.
0:10:53 > 0:10:59Oh, that's what I've done wrong. Look in your jacket pocket.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- Three of clubs.- OK, right, where's Ollie?- I dunno.- You don't know.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- Call him.- I can't get through. - Then ask his dad.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08- Yeah, I've tried, it's engaged. - OK. Calm down.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12- Do you want to leave a message? - It's about the move.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14What move?
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Well, I suppose you'll find out soon enough.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I've been offered a job managing a restaurant in Dublin.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Oh! Well, congratulations.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- Ollie's coming with me to be head chef.- Shut up.
0:11:27 > 0:11:32- Ow!- Sorry.- I'm making it happen, Liz, it's his dream.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34No, it's not. Guinness gives him the runs.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37He won't leave here, he won't leave his family.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Well, that's not what he said last night.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46PHONE RINGS
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- Flatley's Hardware.- Tony!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50We were just...
0:11:50 > 0:11:53What? Who's in the toilet?
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- You're joking. I'm on my way. You've got a car, yeah?- Erm, yeah.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Good. You can give me a lift.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05- Uncle Phil!- What?- I've got to go out, so you're in charge.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I know, it's my shop!
0:12:07 > 0:12:10And don't you dare say any of what you've just told me to Tony.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Seriously. I will smack you in the face.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- Is it because you've got a teeny knob?- No.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Is it because Disney won't make The Little Mermaid II?
0:12:28 > 0:12:31I think they already have.
0:12:31 > 0:12:36Is it because your favourite yellow dress was in the wash and you couldn't wear it today?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- Darren, seriously.- You got laid. Why are you in a mood?
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Is it because you tried to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar and found it too hard?
0:12:46 > 0:12:50- No.- Is it because your hair looks like it's been cut by your dad?
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- Darren, honestly...- Is it because you slept with Liz and she gave you crabs?
0:12:54 > 0:12:58- She didn't give me crabs. - Is it because... You what?
0:12:58 > 0:13:01It was years ago. No-one gave anybody anything.
0:13:02 > 0:13:09Did you sleep with my sister? Did you sleep with Liz?
0:13:09 > 0:13:15I thought you knew. We were just kids, it was just a bit of fun.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21Ah! Darren, what was that for?
0:13:21 > 0:13:25- That's what you do when someone sleeps with your sister, isn't it? - No, you idiot.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Ah! Darren, what did you hit me again for?
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Well, you called me an idiot.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Which you're proving more and more by the second!
0:13:33 > 0:13:37You shouldn't have slept with my sister, man. You don't even like her!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39What...you going to hit me again?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- Yeah, I am, yeah. - I only slept with her once.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45- It didn't even mean anything. - Right, right. Outside, now!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48We can't, we're locked in, idiot.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Stop calling me an idiot!
0:13:51 > 0:13:54- I thought you knew!- You're not in her sex diary.- Her what?
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- You are not in her sex diary. - OK, OK, OK.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Right, I know being locked in drives you a bit mental,
0:14:01 > 0:14:04but I'm not going to fight you, Darren.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Darren, stop it. I'm your boss.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12You're not. You're just here cos you have to be. You're a rubbish boss and a rubbish handyman.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Right, you make it easier for me.
0:14:16 > 0:14:21Do you want to know what it's like working with you? Eh! You lie, you cheat, you don't do any work.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24You know, I think the only thing that you enjoy
0:14:24 > 0:14:27is making my life hell, you know what, and I've tried,
0:14:27 > 0:14:31I've tried, Darren. I've had enough! Do you want to know the truth?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34I'll tell you the truth.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39The only person holding this business back is you. It's not me. It's you.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47OK. Darren Brown, you're fired.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Good. I don't care about the job.
0:14:50 > 0:14:55Neither do you. You don't care about the business.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57You don't care about your dad.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07OK. See, now you've made me angry.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Jesus Christ, have you even passed your test?
0:15:12 > 0:15:14I'm used to London. The roads are empty around here.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17And yet you still appear to be trying to hit everything.
0:15:17 > 0:15:22- Get out and walk if you don't like it.- There's a lot of things I don't like at the moment.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25He wants to leave. He needs to leave. I mean, look at this place.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26You just don't get it, do you?
0:15:26 > 0:15:29I know what he likes.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Can you pass my lip gloss?
0:15:36 > 0:15:38What are these?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Driving glasses. I don't like them.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44Oh, it's fine. They're just for looking at things that are far away.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45What, like roads?
0:15:45 > 0:15:50- We're nearly there.- Put them on. I'm not going to die because of vanity.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54- Yeah, I can see that. - What's that supposed to mean?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57No, no, nothing. Just, you know, bit of lipstick wouldn't hurt.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01Let me tell you something, Emma, something Ollie already knows,
0:16:01 > 0:16:03and the reason he won't be going to Ireland with you.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06You're a scheming little tramp who nicked his idea,
0:16:06 > 0:16:08and the only reason you want him now
0:16:08 > 0:16:12is because you can't think of anything new to do by yourself.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14- You're pathetic. - TYRES SCREECH
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Get out.
0:16:23 > 0:16:28Oh...oh...oh.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Deep breaths - breathe, breathe.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33I'm fine now. How are you doing?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- Yeah, OK, I think.- Right.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Where you going?- I'm going upstairs to get my tablets,
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- unless you're holding me hostage now, are you? - DOORBELL RINGS
0:16:42 > 0:16:47- Ollie!- Dear God, she's got a death grip.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50- Ollie!- No, sorry, I'm...- Emma!
0:17:03 > 0:17:08Ah, that was good. You know it was going to happen one day.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Just had to get it out of our system.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Man, this is bad.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22How are we going to explain this?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25A bird flew in.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27A bird?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30We opened a window and a bird flew in and did this?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Yeah.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Yeah. Well, I can't see why he wouldn't believe that.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Oh, come on.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40We can fix it.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- Ah!- Give us your hand.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Listen, Darren, you know, about what I said?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51I meant it. You're a nightmare.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Right.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56But you're my friend.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58You know, you...
0:17:58 > 0:18:00You're family.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06I still think you're a prick.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15Right, then. First things first. Going to break us out of here.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19And to do that, I need some tools from the van.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Listen, I'm not going to be long, so don't freak out.
0:18:50 > 0:18:51Oh, brilliant.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07You took your time.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16It's a funny story.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18What happened?
0:19:18 > 0:19:23Have you ever heard of a white-tailed eagle?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26No.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Well, one flew in, through your window
0:19:29 > 0:19:33and just destroyed everything.
0:19:35 > 0:19:42- But the wardrobe?- I think it might be using that to nest in.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- What you doing? That's my phone. - Keep your knickers on, I'm just...
0:20:02 > 0:20:06seeing you've had loads of calls from my dad so I'm going to listen to your voice mail.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09If there's any from a lady called Janise, it's not what it sounds like.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12'Darren, do you want to tell me what the hell's going on here?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15'Joanne's here. She's going into labour.'
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Joanne's at my house.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20'And why the hell does she still think it's Ollie's?
0:20:20 > 0:20:24'You told me you'd been to see her, you lying little shit.
0:20:24 > 0:20:30'"Not my baby," that's what you said. This baby's yours. It's time to face up to it.'
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- I can explain. - What? That you're a coward.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37- Yeah.- I knew they couldn't afford a loft conversion.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- Come on, don't look at me like that, we're family.- Family.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41She still thinks it's my baby!
0:20:41 > 0:20:44I think you will make a lovely father.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46I'm going to kill you.
0:20:49 > 0:20:54I'm sorry, I thought you were Emma. I wanted to punch Emma.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- Liz is Darren's sister.- Darren?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Oh, Jesus Christ. Darren!
0:21:00 > 0:21:05No, I'm calling it either Tiger or Twinkle.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07No, seriously, I give up.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12It's not Darren's baby. You said it was someone called Dave.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14I don't know anyone called Dave.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18- Everyone knows someone called Dave. - Oh!- Darren's been lying to us.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20It is his baby.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21DOOR BELL RINGS
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- Ollie!- No, I'll get it.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27- Twinkle?- Yeah. Tiger for a boy.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31- I still need to know where Ollie is. - < Is it him?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33No, it's...someone else.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35It's Em... Ow!
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Oh! What's your problem, Liz?
0:21:36 > 0:21:40- Well, do they know when Ollie's coming back?- Who is that?
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- Oh, who are you?- I'm Joanne. Ah!
0:21:47 > 0:21:51They're getting closer together. We need to get you to a hospital now.
0:21:51 > 0:21:56- Where's the baby's father?- Ooh! Ollie, your baby's coming.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Ollie?- OK, everyone just stay calm.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02- Tony, where's the job book? We need to find Ollie.- Yes, we do.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04- Darren, I'm serious. Come here. Come here.- Oi.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Get down here while I kick the crap out of you.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- Dream on!- How could you? After what we talked about. How could you?
0:22:11 > 0:22:15- Get down here now. Do you think I'm messing?- Hey, not the van. No, save it for Darren.
0:22:15 > 0:22:20- Why's this tart saying this is your baby?- Oi!- Emma, just let me explain. - Emma! You're Emma?
0:22:20 > 0:22:24- Yeah, I'm Emma. You got a problem with that?- Problem? I'll give you a problem.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Ah! Ollie, our baby...
0:22:28 > 0:22:30It's not my baby, right? It's Darren's baby.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33- Why's Darren on the van? - Why've you got a black eye?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36- Why've you got a black eye? What's going on?- I'm hiding from him.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40- Why?- Cos he knows when Ollie's done with him it's my turn.- Sorry.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- Who's that on the van?- Darren!! - The one whose baby it is.
0:22:43 > 0:22:49Handyman came round to your house, did some work. Big hair. Darren. Hello? Nothing?
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Don't get arsey with me. I'm still angry at you for sleeping with her.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Huh! Ollie hasn't slept with Emma...
0:22:56 > 0:22:58have you?
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Have you?
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Erm...it just, sort of, happened. What do you care about who I slept with?
0:23:07 > 0:23:10- Are you blind?- She's in love with you, Ollie.- No, she's not.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12ALL : Yes, she is!!
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Everyone knows.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18What? Liz?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20I'm not in your sex diary.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22- How do you know about that? - You have a sex diary?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Is there anyone you've not slept with?
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- Yeah, her.- That's not true. I remember it well.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29How do you know about the diary?
0:23:29 > 0:23:30How do you think?
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- Where is he? Darren!- Who?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Oi, dickhead, get out here now!
0:23:35 > 0:23:38- I'm serious.- No, not the van.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41It doesn't matter, it's not like he's going to need it.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43What are you talking about?
0:23:43 > 0:23:45What's she talking about?
0:23:45 > 0:23:48I told you not to say anything, didn't I?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52What's going on?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- I'm leaving.- Oh, that's why you've been grumpy.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I think so. I dunno, I dunno.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03I've not really made my mind up, yet, but all this crap isn't helping.
0:24:03 > 0:24:04What am I supposed to do here?
0:24:04 > 0:24:08I've really tried to make it work, but you lot don't make it easy.
0:24:08 > 0:24:13Dad, dad, I told you, I'm not cut out to do this.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15I tried to do things my way,
0:24:15 > 0:24:17but I just can't live up to your reputation. I'm sorry.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20And Emma, Emma, sometimes I think you like me,
0:24:20 > 0:24:23sometimes I think it's just for the stupid business.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25What am I supposed to think about that?
0:24:25 > 0:24:29And then you tell me Liz...
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Oh, Liz, I didn't even...
0:24:31 > 0:24:35You know, you're my friend, I didn't think you... My head's in bits.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38I don't know... Joanne, love, please just look at me now.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42This is not my baby. Right? And you, you shithouse...
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Sorry. I'm sorry.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52- I'll fix your room next week, all right?- Pardon?
0:24:52 > 0:24:57- I'll be back to fix your room next week.- What about the bird?- What bird?
0:24:57 > 0:25:00The bird nesting in the wardrobe.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03I'll sort the bird out, as well.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06- Really?- No. I dunno. Probably not.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Bloody white van men.
0:25:13 > 0:25:14Do you know what?
0:25:14 > 0:25:20I've worked my arse off just fixing stuff for people and no-one cares. Nobody cares.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23I've had enough. I've had enough! Do you get me?
0:25:31 > 0:25:33HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
0:25:33 > 0:25:38Oh, thank you very much!
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Is this what you want, is it? Eh?
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- I hate this stupid van.- Calm down! - Don't tell me to calm down.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45- You calm down! - Don't talk to me like that.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49- Don't talk to him like that. - Shut up, Darren.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52ALL SHOUT OVER ONE ANOTHER
0:25:52 > 0:25:53I will touch you.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55- No-one even listens to me! - Darren!
0:25:57 > 0:26:01- Ah! My fist.- Our baby!
0:26:01 > 0:26:06- She's covered in piss. She's got piss on my boots.- It's not piss.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10- It is, she's pissed herself over me. - Oh, shut-up, Darren!
0:26:10 > 0:26:15- Which one's Darren, again?- Him, that one there. Darren. Him.- Oh, he's...
0:26:15 > 0:26:19Yeah. That's Darren. See, I remember him from this angle.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Oh, thank you.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Jesus, just keep your legs closed or something.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Oh, my God! Stop talking. You're such an idiot.
0:26:26 > 0:26:33- Sweetheart, you're going to be fine. - Dad, what we going to do? - I don't know.- Emma's car. Keys, now!
0:26:33 > 0:26:37Right, you're driving. There's not enough room, so who's staying?
0:26:37 > 0:26:42- No chance. Darren, you're coming. Blondie, you're staying. - It's my car!
0:26:42 > 0:26:47Deal with it! Besides, your driving glasses are broken.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52- No, they're not.- Yeah, they are. - Yeah, well I can still...
0:26:52 > 0:26:55- Yeah, all right.- Darren, Joanne, Ollie in the car now!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00What about the van? Don't leave the van.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Don't worry about the van, we'll come back for it later.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06- Don't leave the van. - Dad, it's fine.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Three of clubs?
0:27:10 > 0:27:14Yeah, I was saving that for la... it's probably not appropriate now.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18- We need to talk.- Not now.- You, me, the business.- Not now!- I don't think I can do it without you.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21In case you haven't noticed, this girl is having a baby.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25We need to go, now!
0:27:25 > 0:27:29OK, OK, all right.
0:27:29 > 0:27:34- You're going to be OK, you know. - Right then, everybody ready? Yeah?
0:27:34 > 0:27:35Let's do this.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49Everything's going to be all right, OK? We're all going to be all right.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Ah! Ah!