0:00:02 > 0:00:04One day, you will be mine.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13- Right, come on, then. - It's feeding time.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24Here we go again.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36OK, Cristal?
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Seriously?
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Help me think up a middle name, or Joanne'll go with something like Vajazzle.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43Chanel Vajazzle Brown.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46- Oh, no, they're using her surname. - Tonell?- Yes.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48- Chanel Tonell?- Yes.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Darren, you're letting her name your baby Channel Tunnel!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Well, it's better than going double-barrelled. Miss Brown-Tonell.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Miss Brown Tunnel? That's horrible. Urgh.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Just put it down and help me out, will you?
0:00:59 > 0:01:00Oi! How dare you call my child an it!
0:01:00 > 0:01:02It's made of plastic.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06Oi! Oh, yeah. Cheers, mate, thanks. Now she's crying.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Just take the batteries out.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10I can't. I have to play by the rules, or else Joanne'll kill me.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Come on, shut up. Please shut up. Shut up.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15How long have you got to keep her for?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Oh, just till the afternoon probably.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19- Where are we working again?- Ooh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24No! No, I'm not using your stupid app.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26It's not stupid! Look, watch.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Right, this is where we are now.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29No, that's wrong. Hang on.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32- This is where you type in the address.- OK, OK.- Oh, no, it's not.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34And this where we are going later.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39- This is, this is... Stupid phone thing!- Yeah, it's not stupid at all, is it?
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Bloody hell!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Oh, hello. You must be...Mr Williams?
0:01:47 > 0:01:50No. No, I'm Mr Fisher, from the council.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- Wh-what are you doing?- Well, I'm stripping your kitchen out.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56- You're supposed to be building bunk beds.- What?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59What's that? "Uncle Ollie's app is rubbish!" That's not very nice!
0:01:59 > 0:02:01You're supposed to be building bunk beds, not destroying the kitchen!
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Hang on, just calm down. I'm sure we can sort something out.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08By tomorrow?! The Mayor of Maplebury is coming, for God's sake!
0:02:08 > 0:02:12- Do you hear that? You're going to meet the Mayor of Maplebury. Ah! - And the Gazette. Oh, bloody hell!
0:02:12 > 0:02:16- What are them lot coming for?- For the orphans, you idiot! The orphans.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Orphans?
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Brilliant.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Thank you, thank you.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38No problem. All right. Bye.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40See you later, captain.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Ha-ha! Amazing! Best excuse ever.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45"Surprise! We're giving you a new kitchen.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48"Donated to Maplebury's newest children's home
0:02:48 > 0:02:50"by Curry's Home Maintenance."
0:02:50 > 0:02:52I was literally vomiting words.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- You know, this could be a good thing, though.- How?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Well, we could be like, you know, like local heroes.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59And you can't buy PR like that.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03You know, and that'll mean more jobs, which means more cash,
0:03:03 > 0:03:04which means...new van.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07First, we've got to buy the kitchen, then we've got to build the kitchen,
0:03:07 > 0:03:10and then we've got to build them...bunk beds.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13I reckon the kitchen's going to be about seven grand.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15I've got 1,200 quid for that. What have you got?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17I'm skint. Got a kid to look after now.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18What about the £200 I gave you the other day?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21I spent it on this little bad boy, didn't I?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Why would you do that?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Cool, isn't it?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Well, I'll just have to put it on the credit cards, then.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- Oh, no, don't do that.- Why not?
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Why not make them ourselves? That way, we'd get all the glory
0:03:33 > 0:03:35and could keep the cash to buy a new van.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Right, then.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Come on, what's your big idea?
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- Hi, Liz. Listen, I'm... - Uncle Phil, I'm counting to five.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- 'You're bluffing!'- Try me. ONE!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- Everything all right? - There's a recession on, Ollie.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54I've had to take a second job, and I've told Uncle Phil to clear out
0:03:54 > 0:03:57that back stock room, so we can rent it out as storage space. ..TWO!
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- 'You'll never go through with it!' - He's refusing because he thinks,
0:04:01 > 0:04:04one day, maybe after a nuclear war, there'll be a demand for
0:04:04 > 0:04:06novelty N-Dubz bird feeders. ..THREE!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09'Wait! Dappy's music is timeless!'
0:04:09 > 0:04:12So unless he gets on with it... ..FOUR!
0:04:12 > 0:04:15..I'm going to take this mallet and I'm going to smash up all the stock.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16..FIVE!
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Right. You have asked for this.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24'See? Ha-ha-ha! I knew you wouldn't.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31'No! OK, OK!'
0:04:32 > 0:04:36And there's plenty more where that came from.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38So what can I do for you?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Erm, Darren, you tell her...
0:04:42 > 0:04:43No, you're on your own, mate. BABY CRIES
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Yeah, baby's nappy needs changing, innit?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48It's not a real baby.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Erm, the thing is, we need to...
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Build a new kitchen for some orphans. Yeah, Darren texted me.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58'Course he did.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00If your dad was here to see this...
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Yes, well, he's not, is he, Liz?
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Sorry.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Listen...
0:05:06 > 0:05:09could you just slip us a few bits?
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Please?
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Er...
0:05:23 > 0:05:25No.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- What?- You heard me. We're in no position to give stuff away.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30We're not a charity, Ollie.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Sorry.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Charity.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Charity! Darren, quick! I've got an idea. Liz, you're amazing!
0:05:38 > 0:05:42Now, when you grow up, we are not going to let Auntie Liz
0:05:42 > 0:05:45babysit you, are we? Because Auntie Liz is a mental.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- Shut up, Darren! - Face like a slapped arse!
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Shut up.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Uncle Phil, I'm going to my other job.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53'No!'
0:05:53 > 0:05:55GLASS SHATTERS
0:05:55 > 0:05:57'Rastafari!'
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Hello?
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Hello?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Yeah, hang on a second. Just take a seat.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14I'm not a customer. I'm your new waitress.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Ooh, brilliant! Sorry, I was just, um...
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Oh.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22EMMA SIGHS
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Hello, Emma.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Hi.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- It's nice to see you. - No, it isn't.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31What are you doing here?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34I am the new Assistant Manager.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37What? How did you manage to wangle that?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40John doesn't need an assistant. Only four people work here.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44- I have got big plans for this place. - Oh, really? Like what?
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Omelettes.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Amazing.
0:06:52 > 0:06:57OK. So that comes to a total of £6,874.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Come on, about the price...
0:06:58 > 0:07:01This kitchen's going to a children's home.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- You're looking for a discount? - Well, yeah.
0:07:04 > 0:07:09Well, lucky for you, Maplebury Kitchens prides itself on its commitment to charitable causes,
0:07:09 > 0:07:11and I'm happy to say, we will be able to furnish you
0:07:11 > 0:07:14with some level of discount.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16So how much are we eligible for?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18OK, let's have a look, shall we?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Here we are... Whoa!
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Er, just 7%, I'm afraid.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27It's really low priority.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- How do you mean? - Well, have a look for yourself.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Terminal illness is way up there, with an 80% discount.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36The blind are 70%, cats are 50%.
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Cats?!
0:07:37 > 0:07:43- Insania.- Yeah, the CEO loves cats, hates kids.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47- Ollie's exactly the same. - So, that's just 7%, I'm afraid.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Oh, listen, listen, man.
0:07:49 > 0:07:54Between me and you, right, can't you just, you know, give us a kitchen?
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Yeah, we used to do that sort of thing, but we got ripped off.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59What, by a charity?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02A couple of years ago, a guy comes in, says he needs a kitchen for an old people's home,
0:08:02 > 0:08:05and he was caught getting paid to put it in a youth club.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Ha-ha! Wicked! What did he look like?
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- Tall, big hands, moustache.- That sounds like Tony.- What?- Who?- Nobody.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Don't know what you're talking about.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Just forget it. I'll put it on my credit card.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- No, don't do that. - Got a better suggestion?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23All right, bruv, yo! What if the kids are sick?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- Are they?- Maybe.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- They'd have to be tested. - You want to test the kids?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33I don't make the rules here.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Forget it. Just put it on the credit card.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Ollie, something's going to happen.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Something you won't like very much,
0:08:40 > 0:08:43but I want you to remember, when it happens, that you were
0:08:43 > 0:08:46the person who said I should be a good father to Chanel, OK?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48What are you talking about?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Well, that's been declined.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54How...?
0:09:00 > 0:09:01Agh!
0:09:01 > 0:09:05Wait, wait, wait! It's not my fault. She only lets me buy designer labels.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07She's grooming her for some reality show, or something.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Well, I can kiss goodbye to this now, can't I? Eh?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13I'm sorry, man. I promise I'll pay you back.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- How are YOU going to pay me back, eh? How?- Credit cards.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Credit cards... I'll kill you!
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Back off, back off! Back off!
0:09:21 > 0:09:24What are you doing?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Great, now I've got 19 hours to find a free kitchen.
0:09:29 > 0:09:3119 hours.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Wait, wait, wait! I've got another idea.
0:09:41 > 0:09:46Ooh, ooh, that looks nice. Yeah. Nice one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49What about that? We could use that as a cupboard, no? That looks good.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- Why don't you get in here and help me look?- I can't. I might give the baby germs.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55It's not a real baby! And you owe me thousands, you dick!
0:09:55 > 0:09:59- So get in and help me! - Not happening. Not today.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04How am I going to find a kitchen before tomorrow?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Hey, we could sell some of your dad's stuff.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10What? No, I'm serious. Have you not seen Cash In The Attic?
0:10:10 > 0:10:12I bet some of that crap's worth loads.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16- We can't do that.- Ollie, it's not like he's here to stop you.
0:10:19 > 0:10:24- Hello, everyone. My name is Emma and John has just appointed me your new Assistant Manager.- Well...
0:10:24 > 0:10:28We'll talk about it later, John. So, I've had a word with the bosses, who've agreed I can
0:10:28 > 0:10:29make changes to the way this place is run.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33First of all, we'll go round the table and introduce ourselves.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34My name is Emma.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Tell everyone your name.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41SHE SPEAKS CANTONESE
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- What?- Lin-Lin. She's an exchange student. Here to better her English.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48SHE SPEAKS CANTONESE
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Shush! OK. So, first thing on the agenda - the tips jar.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Am I right in thinking that the tips are placed in here
0:10:53 > 0:10:54and split between everyone?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Well, they're... - OK, great. I'll change that.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59I'm implementing a new incentive-based system.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01So from now on, your tips are your own.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Oh, hang on. I see what you've done.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07- You're going to be getting tips too, aren't you?- You're so negative, Liz.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09You've only changed it because you think you can make more money.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Absolutely not. This is for the good of the company.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15I am incentivising the workers.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16John, I don't know what you've been doing all these years.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- SHE SPEAKS CANTONESE - Hell, yeah.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22If it's competition you want, we'll destroy you.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24See? Look how eager you are to work.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- SHE SPEAKS CANTONESE - I'm glad you agree.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Let's take her down!
0:11:32 > 0:11:33BELL RINGS
0:11:36 > 0:11:37- He's mine!- Emma!
0:11:37 > 0:11:4064 years of your life, Dad.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47What a load of crap.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48DARREN RAPS
0:11:48 > 0:11:50# Brown's in the house
0:11:50 > 0:11:52# Say, what you gonna say? Say, what you gonna do? #
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- Where have you been?- Next door.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- Where's the baby?- I sold it to your neighbour, for her daughter to play with.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01- Darren, you can't sell your baby! - It's not a real baby, Ollie.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Anyway, I did it for you, man.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08First instalment paid.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Ten pounds? Yeah, that's going to solve all our problems(!)
0:12:14 > 0:12:18- "Thank you, Darren." "Hey, it's OK, Ollie, mate. Don't worry about it. Pleasure."- Shut up.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Any of this lot any good?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22What do you think?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24It's interesting.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32If it's kitchen cupboards we need...
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Darren, don't even think about it.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I can't believe I'm doing this.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45- Oh, Ollie! Ollie!- What? What's up? Have you found summat?
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Oh, yeah! Check it out! Dirty old bastard!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I found it in the back of the wardrobe... Whoa.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Hadn't they heard of razors in the '70s?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57How are you enjoying this?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00I'm about to destroy my kitchen. It's not funny!
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Massive beavers!
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Oh, God!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06I don't think I can do this.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08I can.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Yeah, well, I can't watch.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Darren, Darren, Darren, wait!
0:13:18 > 0:13:21I know where we can find what we need.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- Where?- Right there.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25The answer to our problems.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34Hi. Um, I couldn't help but notice you've only left a fiver.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36And your bill was £4.85...
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Here is your bill. I've also left
0:13:37 > 0:13:39a little chocolate mint for you,
0:13:39 > 0:13:40from me, just for you.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42..which is only a 15p tip.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Thank you very much, sir.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46That is brilliant.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- You're paying me to leave, aren't you?- Yeah.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- Excuse me.- Cheeky bitch.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55You really ought to do better, Liz.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57You know what, Emma? So could you.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02SHE SPEAKS CANTONESE
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Yeah, as I thought, we were probably using the best system before.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13We'll go back to the 'tips in a jar and split between everyone' system.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15You're unbelievable.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- Ha-ha-ha!- There it is.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Nice sword!
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Hey, careful. My Uncle Bernie won this in the '80s on Bullseye.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28It's been here ever since.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31I can't sell this, Darren.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35This was my first hide-out,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38the first place I touched a girl's breast.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40A mermaid doesn't count.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Although...
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Listen, just sell it and use the money to buy some stuff
0:14:45 > 0:14:48for the children's home kitchen, because if you don't,
0:14:48 > 0:14:51then you could use it as a hide-out place again, from all the people
0:14:51 > 0:14:54with pitchforks looking for the man who hates orphans.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Where do you even sell a boat? - Make some calls, innit?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00You just get those cupboards finished, cos we'll need them too, OK?
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- OK, but then, get to the home and start on the kitchen. - What about the bunk beds?
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Oh, Jesus Christ... Listen, we're running out of time. Listen, right?
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- You sell the boat.- Yep. - Start on the kitchen.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I'll get help with the bunk beds.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Now, Darren. Now, now, now!
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Urgh! And to think I used to fancy you!
0:15:22 > 0:15:24- I'm out of here. - Your shift's not over.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Ollie needs me.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28To do some work?
0:15:28 > 0:15:2939 Ledbury Road?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31BOTH: Bunk beds.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Right, look...
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Ollie is with the girl he wants. We need to accept that and move on.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Yeah?
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Shall I drive?
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Just because I'm not here, doesn't mean I'm not watching you.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55SHE SPEAKS CANTONESE ..Barbie!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Exactly.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Chop, chop.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I am so going to punch her in the face.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I'm sorry, Dad.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15You bloody well will be!
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- Dad?- What the hell's going on?!
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Why are you here? You're supposed to be in Cornwall till next week!
0:16:21 > 0:16:24No chance! Everything's made with fish, they only drink cider,
0:16:24 > 0:16:26and I scratched me eyeball playing crazy golf.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Least relaxing place I've ever been.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31What the bloody hell's going on with my kitchen?!
0:16:31 > 0:16:36Calm down! I can explain, but I'd rather do it calmly, sat down over a cup of tea.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38If we've still got a kettle. Come on!
0:16:38 > 0:16:41See, this is why we made you go on holiday, to relax.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- I'm not good for you to be around. - Don't be stupid!
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Dad, Dad, Dad, listen. There's something else I need to tell you before you go in.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Just let me...
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Dad?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Where the bloody hell's my boat?!
0:17:09 > 0:17:13What? He said we're too late. He's already sold it.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15- For how much?- How much?
0:17:15 > 0:17:15Three hundred quid.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17- Bloody idiot!- You bloody idiot!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- She's worth thousands! - She's worth thousands!
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- Who's he sold it to?- Hooky Pete.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- Hooky Pete? - He sells pirate DVDs at the pub. Tell him to meet us there.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I can't. We've got to go to the children's home.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32We're doing this first! Tell Darren to meet us at the Oak!
0:17:32 > 0:17:34That's him. That's Hooky Pete.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38How do you know these people?
0:17:45 > 0:17:49I wondered how long it would take you to come back.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- Made a little mistake, have we?- No.
0:17:53 > 0:17:58Listen, Hooky, erm, I need the boat back, right,
0:17:58 > 0:18:01so how about I give you £300 for it?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Oh, your boat, is she?
0:18:04 > 0:18:07I don't know any man who could ever truly own
0:18:07 > 0:18:10something as beautiful as her.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Erm, I just want the boat back...
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I've looked her over, you know.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18When was the last time you gave her a new lick of paint?
0:18:18 > 0:18:21When did she last touch water?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24It rained on Tuesday, blood.
0:18:26 > 0:18:32How about I... I'm just going to pop that 300 in there, like that,
0:18:32 > 0:18:34and we'll leave it there.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37300?
0:18:40 > 0:18:44- She's worth more like nine. - Yo, Hooky, we need that boat back.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Well, that's a shame, cos I don't have her anymore.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- You're lying, cos we found this! - Enough of this!
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Where...is...my...boat?!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Dad!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00What's this, Muppet Treasure Island?
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Jesus!
0:19:10 > 0:19:13I think you'll find that's a number three screw
0:19:13 > 0:19:16and what you should be using is a number seven.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20What? Don't look at me like that. I'm not the one playing Russian roulette with orphans' lives.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22You know, there's five of these beds, Emma.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24It'd be a lot quicker if you did some work.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28That's probably true, but clearly, to do it properly, you need supervising.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- Excuse me?- You heard what I said.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32Don't push me, Emma!
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Why? What are you going to do about it?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Woah!
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Now, what are YOU going to do about that?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45There. She's yours. Take her.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Just you treat her right proper.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53Just promise me you'll give her a nice taste of salty water.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Right. Good, great. Now, can we all go and try and salvage this kitchen?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Where's Esmeralda, you scurvy ball sack?!
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- Esmeralda?- Esmeralda! Where is she? - Are you talking about the mermaid?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- Aye, the one with the big cans! - Ha! You're obsessed.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- We found your magazines.- What?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Nothing.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12She never had no mermaid on her. If she had, I'd have never given her back.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Right, we've got the boat. Let's try and do something about this kitchen.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17The boat's not important.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22- Where's my Esmeralda?!- All right, all right! I may have sold her to an antique shop for £100.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25You idiot! You should have put her back in the sea!
0:20:25 > 0:20:28You, me - antique shop, now!
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- No, no, no! They close at five. - Dad, no. I need him to work with me.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- And I need you to calm down, please. - The kitchen can wait.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38Why is everyone being so selfish? Darren, please, just tell me you made a start on the children's home.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41- Yes, I gave the keys to Liz and Emma. - Liz and Emma?
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- Yeah, I got them to help me out.- You left Liz and Emma alone, together?!
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Dad, it's fine. What are they going to do to each other?
0:20:48 > 0:20:52# Dangerous!
0:20:52 > 0:20:54# I am dangerous, yeah!
0:20:54 > 0:20:56# I am dangerous... #
0:20:56 > 0:21:01- Oh, my God! How strong are you?!- Not very. Plasterboard's pretty weak.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15- OK, this is embarrassing.- Yeah.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21All right, OK. All right.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23All right. Come on, then.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Let's do it.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27OK.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30PHONE RINGS
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Come on, Liz, answer the phone. Please, not today. Please.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- Why would you leave them alone together?- I didn't think!
0:21:37 > 0:21:39No change there, then.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- Liz?- What?- You're fired.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47No. Don't.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49I loved that job(!)
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Were we actually fighting over Ollie?
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Don't kid yourself.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59You're a territorial cow.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Yeah, well, you're an enormous bitch.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04What are we going to do now?
0:22:04 > 0:22:08- Isn't this the point where we're supposed to hug, or something?- No.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09OK.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13Come on. Come on.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Oh!
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Oh, thank God.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Oh, I could do with one of them, please.
0:22:23 > 0:22:24Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Oh!
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Why do you both look like shit?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36No, no, no, no! Please, tell me you didn't!
0:22:36 > 0:22:37Please, no!
0:22:42 > 0:22:43NO!
0:22:52 > 0:22:53They've wrecked it.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00The kitchen, the bunk beds - smashed to bits.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Thank you. Thanks very much.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Hello. Can I speak to Mr Fisher's office, please?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Mr Fisher, you know, works for the Mayor?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Is that even the council? What?
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Wait, wait! Did you want a kitchen ripped out?
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Mrs Williams, yes, that was me. I was supposed to... Yeah, I know.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26I know. I understand, but I've got this new phone thing...
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Please, just don't put the phone down...
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Stupid pissin' app!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00ALARM CLOCK RINGS
0:24:02 > 0:24:05It's a privilege to have you here today, Mr Mayor.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I know you're a very busy man.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Oliver Curry,
0:24:11 > 0:24:16the man who donated a kitchen to the orphan children of Maplebury!
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Erm, I just need to...
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Right, then. Shall we?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Can I just stop you for a second, please? I just need to tell you...
0:24:25 > 0:24:30- Later. You've earned this moment. - No, no. Seriously. Please, just let me... Let me just explain...
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Before you go in, can I explain something to you?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36APPLAUSE
0:24:46 > 0:24:50Well, that's it, then. Bye-bye, Curry and Son Home Maintenance.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Oliver Curry, you are a wonderful man!
0:24:55 > 0:24:59APPLAUSE
0:25:22 > 0:25:23I don't believe it.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31I don't believe it.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36How did you...?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Thank you.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48For what?
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- I don't know what he's on about. - Me neither.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52Nor me.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- Darren, get going! - It's only ten minutes away. I wanted to see his face.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58- Well, it opens in five minutes! - All right, I'm going.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04You...
0:26:06 > 0:26:09You have the honour of buying us all breakfast.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- It's amazing.- Shall we? Ha-ha!
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- Listen, about that hug... - Let's never mention it again.- Done.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Well, it's not been the best welcome home for you, has it, Dad?
0:26:30 > 0:26:31I've had worse.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33I'm sorry.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36You know, it's my fault.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38I'm not good for you to be around.
0:26:38 > 0:26:44Son, if you're suggesting you are no good for my health,
0:26:44 > 0:26:46then you're a bloody idiot.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52If you're suggesting you should move out,
0:26:52 > 0:26:54then you're right. You should.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56What?
0:26:56 > 0:26:59I don't need you here looking after me.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Go and get a place of your own, please.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Do us both good.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- There she is!- Jesus!
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Yep, I was the first one at the antiques shop, Tony.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16She is safe and sound.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19- What's your obsession with that thing? Look at it!- Esmeralda?
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Where do you think I've hidden the spondoolicks from all the
0:27:21 > 0:27:23cash-in-hand jobs I've done over the years?
0:27:23 > 0:27:27Esmeralda's about that full of £20 notes,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30which should just be about enough to get me some new kitchen cupboards,
0:27:30 > 0:27:33cos all my old ones are in an orphanage.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37Why not just blag some for free, by claiming you'll donate them to an old people's home?
0:27:37 > 0:27:40- What?- What?- Hey, come on, that's mine, that.- You're guilty.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43I don't know what you're talking about, Darren.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53# Back in black, I hit the sack
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# I've been too long I'm glad to be back
0:27:55 > 0:27:58# Yes, I'm let loose From the noose
0:27:58 > 0:28:01# That's kept me hanging about
0:28:01 > 0:28:02# Cos I'm back
0:28:02 > 0:28:06# Yes, I'm back
0:28:06 > 0:28:08# Well, I'm back in black
0:28:08 > 0:28:11# Yes, I'm back in black! #
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd