0:00:02 > 0:00:07The food was good, I just think my lobster ravioli is still the king.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Ha-ha! You're such a dick!
0:00:14 > 0:00:16- What?- Come here.
0:00:21 > 0:00:22What was that for?
0:00:22 > 0:00:23I'm just happy to have you.
0:00:23 > 0:00:29And in £900 time, I'm going to have that.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32- Good(!) You think of me in the same context as a van.- Why not?
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Think about it. Lovely body, great finish, goes like a...
0:00:35 > 0:00:36Ah, ah, ah!
0:00:36 > 0:00:37Yes!
0:00:37 > 0:00:41You know life is just... I don't know, it's just good at the moment.
0:00:41 > 0:00:46Couple of jobs and I'll be able to do what I've wanted to do for ages,
0:00:46 > 0:00:48expand this company.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50- Shall we go?- Let's.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- Oh, shit bags!- What?
0:00:52 > 0:00:55I've left my phone at work. Can we go and get it?
0:00:56 > 0:01:00How is it even possible for you to forget your phone?
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- Ha-ha! You're seeing a dizzy bitch. - You're very pretty, though.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05- What's that?- What?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- I thought I saw something in the cafe.- No. Cafe-catessen.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Cafe...delicatessen.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14That's what I'm going to call it after the refurb.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16What?
0:01:16 > 0:01:17There it is again, look.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- I think someone's inside. - Bollocks.- Get in the van.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- Give me the keys. I'm going in. - It's fine.- It's not. Get in the van.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26Hello. Police.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Yeah, I think somebody is breaking in to the coffee house...
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Cafe-catessen.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34..on the high street, yeah. Get in the van. Yeah OK, all right.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Oh, my God. Here we go.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Oi! Come here! Shit.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09- Hi-ya!- Darren? What are you doing here?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12I didn't know we were doing the cafe till I got here, honest.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- Who was that?- Who do you think?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16What, Ricky? I can't believe you're doing this!
0:02:16 > 0:02:20- Emma is in the van outside. - That's my cue to leave.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Don't you dare. I can't just let you walk away.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25You can. You can! I'm in debt. I've got a kid.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Please don't add prison to the list. Please? Please?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30What am I supposed to do now? You tell me that.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32You'll think of something!
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Did you see anyone?
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Just missed them. They got away. I'm sorry.
0:02:45 > 0:02:50- There was like £1,000 in that till. I bet they have taken it.- Yeah.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52I was really worried about you.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Don't worry about me. It's OK.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57I'll find whoever did this, believe me.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Morning.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12You've got to be kidding me.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Anything exciting on today?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Hey, look. Skinny latte and a shot of vanilla
0:03:17 > 0:03:20and no jokes about your drink being a bit gay.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21What are you doing?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Just trying to perk you up for a hard day's work? Shall we?
0:03:24 > 0:03:26No. Think I've forgot about last night?
0:03:26 > 0:03:29The coffee has reminded you of the cafe. I knew it was a bad idea.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- Was you just going to carry on like nothing's happened?- No!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I was going to try really hard to stop you from remembering.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39I just let you go, Darren. I had to lie to my girlfriend's face.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Ricky said it'd be easy, said there'd be money in the till.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- I'm really strapped for cash at the moment.- What for?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- To buy computer games and porn with?!- I don't buy porn.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- I use the internet like everybody else.- Where's the money then?
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- Emma said there was £1,000 in that till.- Yeah. Ricky's got it.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Ricky?
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Why? Why would you do this?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Apparently my credit cards didn't pay themselves off
0:04:06 > 0:04:09so I've borrowed the money from Joanne's uncle.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10What?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Joanne's uncle. I owe him some money.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14If I don't pay him, he'll break my legs.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19So you thought, "Instead of banks,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21"I'd rather owe money to a psychopath?!"
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- He's family now.- Who's threatening to break your legs?
0:04:24 > 0:04:28- Good. You understand why I broke into the caff?- You ripped off Emma.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31You robbed her.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34I don't want to see you again.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39All right, listen. I think we all need to calm down.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41I got in over my head, I know that.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43But I didn't know...
0:04:43 > 0:04:47I didn't mean to hurt you, man. I'm sorry!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Darren, listen to me, right. We're done.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53You're on your own.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Ollie!
0:05:04 > 0:05:05Ollie!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07SONG: Don't Worry, Be Happy
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Oi, here's trouble.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26- Oi, what you doing here? - Lunch. You?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Same.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- Pint?- Yeah.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32Why the long face?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36There's no need to say.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40I'll tell you all about my day, shall I? Where shall I start?
0:05:40 > 0:05:43I've become a bit addicted to Rastamouse.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49TV programme about a mouse who's also a Rasta.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Well, that's all my news.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59You sure you're not going to tell me why you've got that face on?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01I've really messed up, Tony.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Ollie says something like that, I don't worry,
0:06:05 > 0:06:07cos I know he's just being a girl.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11You say it, you get my attention,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14cos we're talking a different scale of problems with you. Aren't we?
0:06:16 > 0:06:17Yeah...
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Reggie, Joanne's uncle, I owe him some money and he's coming here to collect his debt.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Oh, right. Reggie.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Well, I should be able to help. How much?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- Five grand.- Five grand?!
0:06:32 > 0:06:34It felt like a good deal at the time.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36How's he even got that much to lend?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39I knew he was dirty, the tubby little bastard.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44- What's going on? - Darren owes Reggie money.- How much?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47A shit load. He's going to break my legs if I don't pay.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Get him to smack you round the face while he's at it, you idiot!
0:06:50 > 0:06:52- I didn't think he'd get like this.- You didn't...
0:06:52 > 0:06:56This is the guy I once saw have an argument with a climbing frame.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58- I saw him punch a dog.- What?
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- What?- Yeah, right in the face.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02- Claims it was trying to attack him. - Was it?- No.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05It was on a lead that thick outside Poundland.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06What am I going to do?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08DOOR OPENS
0:07:14 > 0:07:18There he is, Darren Brown.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Hiya!
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Whoa. Reggie...
0:07:28 > 0:07:30You got my money, ballbag?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Listen to me very care... No, listen.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38Cos today is the day it gets paid. One way or the other.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Back off him! You and I can sort this!
0:07:41 > 0:07:46What? Me and you? Man to man, toe to toe? On behalf of Darren?
0:07:46 > 0:07:51Yeah! What say we try and settle this the old-fashioned way?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Bring it on, Pops.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57I do believe I win.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03So he still owes me.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Now.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09What's it going to be?
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Money or legs?
0:08:13 > 0:08:18Hang on. I know how we can sort this. I've had an idea.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Double or quits.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- Yeah, all right.- No! No!
0:08:39 > 0:08:40DOOR SLAMS
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Hello, Ricky.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I knew if I left a window open, sooner or later, you'd show up.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48I'm getting predictable in my old age.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53- You been working in here today then? - Yes, yes, I have.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- Haven't seen you for ages! How long's it been?- 15 hours.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- No, no. I haven't seen you since... - Last night,
0:09:00 > 0:09:03when you broke into my girlfriend's delicatessen.
0:09:03 > 0:09:08- I thought it was a cafe? - It's both. It's a cafe-catessen.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09That is awful.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- I want Emma's money back. - Whoa, easy.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- I'm insulted you think it was me. - I know it was you. And Darren.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17That's just racial profiling.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21He told me you hired him for the job. Why?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- I get lonely doing it on my own. - No... Why there?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Why Emma's place? You hardly got any cash.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- I didn't get any. The till was empty.- Don't even try that.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34I know there was £1,000 in that till.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36That's what we told the police.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Yes.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44The police.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48So, this is the way I see it.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52You've got 24 hours to give me the money so I can give it to Emma,
0:09:52 > 0:09:54otherwise I'll tell the police what I know.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57How'd you like dem apples?
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Whose apples?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Dem... De apples...
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- Are they your apples? - No, they're not mine.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- But you're asking me how I like them?- Yes.
0:10:06 > 0:10:07I honestly don't know.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Just give me the grand in 24 hours
0:10:09 > 0:10:12or I'm telling the police it was you. Right?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14I'll get it to you as soon as I can.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Right, good.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I'm glad we came to some agreement.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- You can put them back for a start. - I can't help it. It's an addiction!
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Get out the window you came in from. Go on!
0:10:35 > 0:10:3924 hours, Ricky, do you understand me? 24 hours!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42How do you like dem apples?!
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Tony, you're rubbish.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52The flights are bent. I should've gone home and got my own.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Shut up, you herbert I won fair and square and you know it.
0:10:57 > 0:11:02Now, you owe me twice the amount.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03So it's ten grand...
0:11:05 > 0:11:07..or I take your legs.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Reggie...
0:11:17 > 0:11:19..I don't know what you want from me.
0:11:19 > 0:11:24I haven't got your money and I can't just let you take my legs.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26I made mistakes with my money but I did it for the baby,
0:11:26 > 0:11:29for Chanel and Joanne. There must be another way?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Oh, yeah. There is.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35But it's this or the money, right?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37OK, OK. Brilliant.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Darren Brown.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Yeah?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44I'm going to need you to marry my niece.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Sorry, I missed that. What did you say?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51If you want to clear your debt, you're going to have to do
0:11:51 > 0:11:54as this family wishes, and that's marrying our Joanne.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56You disrespected her!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Now's your chance to re-respect her.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Uh...
0:12:02 > 0:12:05What about her boyfriend? Won't he have a problem?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07He'll do as he's told!
0:12:11 > 0:12:13What's it to be?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Darren?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Are you ready to join our family?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27SCREAMS
0:12:33 > 0:12:37You? What are you doing here, you dick?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Step into my orifice.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44- Nice car.- It's not mine.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- Of course. What do you want?- Had a visit from your fella today.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Demanded I gave you your money back. How very noble of him.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55The problem I have is that he told me you told the police you had a grand in the till,
0:12:55 > 0:12:57but there was only 300.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00That's what we agreed. 300 quid, mess the place up, don't get caught.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03And you'll claim even more back on the insurance?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Why were you still there when we got back?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I couldn't help it. Darren was slowing me down. Then you arrived.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Darren? And how does Ollie even know that you're involved?
0:13:11 > 0:13:14I think he caught Darren and must have let him go.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16What? He doesn't know I'm involved?
0:13:16 > 0:13:20No. Your little insurance scam's safe. For now.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23But the way I see it, you either give me
0:13:23 > 0:13:25the whole grand you're going to make back.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27or I'll tell him the full details right now.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28You wouldn't.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Try me.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- And I'll need another grand to pay Ollie with.- Fine, take this one.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I'll give it back to you when he gives it to me.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Right. Yeah, yeah. that'll work... I think.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Hang on. Just to clarify.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48You've given this to me and then I give it to Ollie, who will give it
0:13:48 > 0:13:52to you and you'll them give it back to me, at which point I can keep it?
0:13:52 > 0:13:56- Yeah.- Great! Right. Lovely doing business with you.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57SIGHS
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Look, erm... Just promise me he'll never find out.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Hey! People like us, we got to stick together!
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Great(!)
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- Hello, love.- Hi.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- You all right?- Yeah, fine. Why wouldn't I be?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47I've found him.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- How's it going, slugger?- What?
0:15:01 > 0:15:02What?
0:15:02 > 0:15:04It felt like a slugger moment.
0:15:04 > 0:15:09Are you really going to make me do this?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11It could be worse. She could be a right old minger!
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Thank you, Ricardo. I'm not quite sure this is helping.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Suit yourselves. I'll see you in there, D-dog.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20I'm off to browse the trophy cabinet.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- I'm really going to have to do this. - It's just a wedding licence.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Something to keep her family happy.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Yeah, I guess.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Darren, nobody is actually taking any of this seriously.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Yeah?
0:16:03 > 0:16:05I can't believe you're not going to come.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08It's Darren's wedding, Ollie!
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Emma, what he does with his life is of no interest to me.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15- I'm not going to this wedding.- Even though he invited you specifically?
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Do you really think Darren sent them invites?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21When I first opened this, I was on my own, I nearly choked to death.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Are you ready?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- Wow!- I hate that!
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Just send me a card, I don't want your crap!
0:16:29 > 0:16:32It might as well say, "Please come to our wedding. Happy vacuuming!"
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Listen to this.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38"Dear Oliver White Van Man and Blonde Lady."
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Nice to know I've made an impact(!)
0:16:40 > 0:16:43"Please join us for our pixie dust sprinkled, fairy-tale wedding.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46"Maplebury registry office. 2pm." There's more.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50"PS, If you have an allergy to animal fur,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53"please be aware our ring bearers are 12 white puppies."
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Does that sound like an invite Darren would send?
0:16:56 > 0:17:00- No.- I don't think so.- His would be written on a page of the job book,
0:17:00 > 0:17:04like the invitation to his birthday party.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Darren had a birthday party?
0:17:07 > 0:17:08No...
0:17:08 > 0:17:1212 white ring bearing puppies! How can you not want to see that?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Because he betrayed us, Emma.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17You don't need to know the details, but he did.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I want nothing to do with him. That's it.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22OK. Well, you know where we are if you change your mind.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Yes. Have a good time.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28- See you, love.- Bye.- You look nice, by the way.- Thanks.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- Put it back!- Damn it!
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Liz! >
0:17:40 > 0:17:41GASPS
0:17:43 > 0:17:45(Wow.)
0:17:45 > 0:17:49I know. Amazing isn't it? And, er...check this out!
0:17:50 > 0:17:51GASPS
0:17:52 > 0:17:56You look, erm... Beautiful?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Oh, thanks, sister-in-law.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01We're going to have so many family fun times!
0:18:01 > 0:18:04So, what do you think of my dress?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Isn't it a bit much?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10For my wedding day? Never.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12I'm just gutted the council won't allow animals in here.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16I would've had doves and dogs everywhere.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Don't you think it's a bit over the top?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Oh, Liz.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Don't be jealous.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26You can have this as well now.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30They've made it legal for lesbians to marry, you know?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Yeah, hang on. I'm not a lesbian.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Right! >
0:18:37 > 0:18:40That's my pre-wedding shit done.
0:18:40 > 0:18:46- Shall we?- I've only been waiting my whole life!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49You're really going to make Darren do this, aren't you?
0:18:49 > 0:18:53Yeah. Look at her. I'm almost tempted to marry her myself.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55(Inappropriate.)
0:18:55 > 0:18:58So, let's make an honest woman of you.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Good luck with that.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Um...
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Whoa, whoa, whoa.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Just give me two minutes.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- I'm going to make sure everyone's in place.- OK!
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- EXHALES - I'll see you two on the other side.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23(You totally bonkers nut-jobs.)
0:19:31 > 0:19:35Jesus. Every time that door opens I think it's begun.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36DOORS FLY OPEN
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- Ugh...- Ooh. Sorry. I was just...
0:19:45 > 0:19:47- I can explain.- Ricky!
0:19:47 > 0:19:49< Are you ready for us inside yet?
0:19:50 > 0:19:56- Right. We've still got time. We can still get out of this. OK?- Yeah.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57Breathe.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Breathe.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04I've got an idea.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Can anybody lend us £10,000?
0:20:07 > 0:20:08GUESTS LAUGH
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Ready or not, here I come!
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Whoa, whoa.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16- No!- All right, all right.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19Oh, shit.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Oh, shit.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Oh, I'm nervous!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37KNOCK ON DOOR
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Hello. Mind if we come in for a chat?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48No. Come in. It's fine.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- So, I'm assuming you've found something then.- Yeah.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03We've got some CCTV photos of the people involved
0:21:03 > 0:21:06and we're trying to locate them.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11No, but this is...
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Emma Keeley.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Now, why would she be handing to a known criminal money
0:21:16 > 0:21:20the day after a break-in?
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Insurance fraud.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24That would make sense.
0:21:24 > 0:21:30In fact, that might explain why there's no sign of a break-in.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Could have had a key. Isn't it convenient that you two
0:21:32 > 0:21:35happened to be passing by that night?
0:21:35 > 0:21:38We've been to her house but she's out.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Any idea where she might be?
0:21:45 > 0:21:49"The cow, the dog, the cat, the monkey and the dove
0:21:49 > 0:21:53"have come to watch us marry and make sweet love."
0:21:56 > 0:21:59"The sheep, the camel, the manta ray,
0:21:59 > 0:22:02"wishing us lots of joy on our wedding day."
0:22:02 > 0:22:05That was bloody beautiful.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06I wrote it myself.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07No. Shut up. Really?
0:22:07 > 0:22:13Right! Finally, we come to the most important part of the ceremony,
0:22:13 > 0:22:16the actual wedding vows.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18So, first I must ask you,
0:22:18 > 0:22:21all the friends and family gathered here today,
0:22:21 > 0:22:23if you know of any lawful reason why these two people
0:22:23 > 0:22:28can not be joined in marriage, speak now or for ever hold...
0:22:28 > 0:22:30DOORS FLY OPEN
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Sir, do you have an objection?
0:22:36 > 0:22:40Do you know of a reason this marriage shouldn't go ahead?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Well, do you?
0:22:47 > 0:22:48No, carry on.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52- What are you doing? - Don't even talk to me.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- So, shall I continue?- Oh, Ricky.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Do you know my girlfriend, Emma?
0:22:57 > 0:23:01- Um...- You do, cos you've been doing a bit business together, I hear.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02That's right, isn't it?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Now, do you have the rings?
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Oh, yes.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Ricardo!
0:23:10 > 0:23:11I haven't got them!
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Oh, no, wait. I have. Sorry.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18I didn't mean any harm. It's just...
0:23:18 > 0:23:21I'm genuinely really honoured to be here today.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25It's just weddings. They get me...
0:23:28 > 0:23:29What?!
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Come on, look. I'm not wearing that and I'm not paying for that!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Do you want me to take your legs instead?
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Let's get married then.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42OK!
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Do you, Darren Leroy Brown,
0:23:45 > 0:23:49take Joanne Princess Tonell to be your lawfully wedded wife?
0:23:49 > 0:23:53To have and to hold from this day forth,
0:23:53 > 0:23:55for better, for worse,
0:23:55 > 0:23:57for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00till death do you part?
0:24:03 > 0:24:04(I do.)
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Yeah. It's pretty emotional, isn't it?
0:24:09 > 0:24:14And do you, Joanne Princess Tonell, take Darren Leroy Brown
0:24:14 > 0:24:17to be your lawfully wedded husband?
0:24:17 > 0:24:19To have and to hold from this day forward,
0:24:19 > 0:24:23for better for worse, for richer for poorer,
0:24:23 > 0:24:26in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
0:24:26 > 0:24:28till death you do part?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I do! I do!
0:24:30 > 0:24:32DOORS FLY OPEN
0:24:34 > 0:24:36They'll be here for you then.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38I said, "I do", so are we married?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41We're looking for Ms Emma Keeley in connection with the break-in
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- at the cafe on the high street. - Look. I said it.
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Are we married yet or not?
0:24:45 > 0:24:49I'm arresting you on suspicion of insurance fraud on your own business.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52- Anything you do say... - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Um... It was me!
0:24:54 > 0:24:58- Yeah, sorry. We broke in. - Don't bring me in to this!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Arrest me. This marriage can't be completed.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02What are you doing, Darren?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05I'd rather serve hard time than get married to that!
0:25:05 > 0:25:07That's my niece you're talking about!
0:25:10 > 0:25:12- Don't I know you?- Me? No.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- And you.- Me? No, I'm er...
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I think you have mistaken me for someone else, love.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- Shit!- Shit!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Oi, you. You go!
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Kill him!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Well, I hope you're proud of yourself.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28No, Ollie, please don't go, don't go.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31What were you even thinking? It's always about money for you.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34No, it's not, I'm not like him! I was doing this for you!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37By getting someone to break into the caff and claim off the insurance?
0:25:38 > 0:25:39Yeah!
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Right. I'm taking that as a confession.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45No, no. I wasn't... Shit!
0:25:46 > 0:25:51- No! No!- Don't leave me here with that!- Oi!
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Come on!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Right, you take care of that lot, I'll got after this one.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Look, Ollie, please. I was trying to do a good thing.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03- It was going to make you so happy. - No, Emma.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06It was going to make you so happy. It's always about you.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09So you could do your stupid little refurbishment on your cafe.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13- You're selfish. You're selfish. - Look, Ollie, please don't do this.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14Right, let's go.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Ollie...
0:26:17 > 0:26:21No. No. Liz, don't you dare! He's mine! No!
0:26:21 > 0:26:23No, Liz, no!
0:26:23 > 0:26:27It's going to be all right, Ollie. We're here for you. OK?
0:26:28 > 0:26:29< Look.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33I said, "I do!" Are we married or not?!
0:26:33 > 0:26:37- Not quite. W...do you want me to continue?- Yes!
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Well?
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Ollie...
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Darren...
0:26:48 > 0:26:49- Get in the van!- Yes!
0:26:49 > 0:26:54No! No! No, you can't leave!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Go!
0:27:09 > 0:27:13- Right, let's go.- Where?- I don't know. Right now, anywhere but here.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Is it wrong to say I've missed this?
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Yeah, yeah, yeah. Floor it!
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Woo hoo!
0:27:19 > 0:27:20TYRES SCREECH
0:27:22 > 0:27:25# Should I stay or should I go now?
0:27:27 > 0:27:28# If I go there will be trouble
0:27:30 > 0:27:34# And if I stay it will be double
0:27:35 > 0:27:39# So you've gotta let me know
0:27:39 > 0:27:41# Should I cool it or should I blow?
0:27:43 > 0:27:47# Should I stay or should I go now?
0:27:48 > 0:27:51# If I go there will be trouble
0:27:51 > 0:27:55# And if I stay it will be double #
0:27:56 > 0:28:00# So you've gotta let me know
0:28:00 > 0:28:02# Should I stay or should I go? #
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd