0:00:02 > 0:00:04Guess what happened with me and Patrick last night.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Have you fully lost your mind?
0:00:06 > 0:00:08You became a man today.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Respect.
0:00:11 > 0:00:12I don't want money.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15Just a bit of help...Sergeant.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20That's right. We're lesbians.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23GUNSHOT
0:00:30 > 0:00:34We've all, at some stage of our lives, considered arming ourselves.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Whether that's because you're concerned about local gang activity
0:00:37 > 0:00:41or perhaps you've achieved a certain level of public recognition
0:00:41 > 0:00:44and you're worried you could be seen as a trophy by thugs.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49That temptation is never greater than when we're in Wit Pro.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50But guess what.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53It's no more legal to pack heat here than it is on the civvy street.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56But you can learn to handle yourself.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58You don't need to be Bruce Lee, or the other one,
0:00:58 > 0:01:03but learning some basic self-defence might help put your mind at rest.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05To that end, here's Dan.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Hello, Dan.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Dan's going to put me through my paces.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Dan, let's just say, for argument's sake,
0:01:11 > 0:01:13I'm coming at you with a broken bottle.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15I've obviously been drinking. You can smell it on my breath.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18I'm saying anti-Semitic things as I swing for you.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20How would you handle that?
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Long time no see, Dirty Boy.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49I don't go by that name any more. It's just Patrick now.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Patrick...
0:01:51 > 0:01:52Oh, very nice. Yeah, very mature.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Distinguished.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56You staying out of trouble now, Patrick?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58- Yep.- And I wonder...
0:01:58 > 0:02:01do you get back to Bristol these days and see your old mates?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03There's no need. You know, my life's here now.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06The man who's tired of Swindon is tired of life.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Mind if we come in, Patrick?
0:02:10 > 0:02:12That depends. Do you have a search warrant?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Now, why would we need a warrant, Patrick?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Have you got something worth finding?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18I'll take that as a no, then.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Have a nice day, gents.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23We'll be back!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28I thought you were really impressive then.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Seriously. Goose bumps.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35BANGING CONTINUES
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Oh...
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Hi, Jackie.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Hello, Sarah, love.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46This is my granddaughter, Summer.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- Hello, Summer.- Are you a lesbian?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Shush!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Summer's been making some cakes, Sarah.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54They're two quid.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Right.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Well done, Summer.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- We're raising money. - Raising money for...?
0:02:59 > 0:03:00For fags.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Well, fags and leccy, mainly.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05They're two quid.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Oh, sorry. Yes, of course.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Erm...
0:03:15 > 0:03:19Do you know what? I've just eaten...several fig rolls.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Why don't I just give you the two quid
0:03:22 > 0:03:25and then you can sell my cake to someone else?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Hey, get one of these down you, love.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Divine.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32If you like Bovril, you'll love these.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Thanks...
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Who was that?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Jackie and her granddaughter, selling cakes.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Ah, bless.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Hey, whoa... Are you not going to eat that?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- No.- Why not?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Look, there's a lot of EU regulation around food preparation
0:03:58 > 0:04:00and, at the end of the day, it's there for a reason.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Brussels knows best.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Rhona, don't be ridiculous. A child made that.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Which one was it?
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- The one who throws stones or the one who throws dog poohs?- Shit.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14- I can't bin it here.- Why not?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16I know for a fact that Jackie goes through the bins.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18What a prick.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23I will take it into town and bin it at the library.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Pretty sure Jackie's not a big book-borrower.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Yeah, but she does sometimes use the computers and do her tweets
0:04:30 > 0:04:32so they can't trace them from her home.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35I'll play it safe, take the bus to the tip.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39GUNSHOT
0:04:48 > 0:04:50CAT PURRS
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Oh, he likes you.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57And Smokey is a very good judge of character.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Oh, it's such a shame.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05And you're such a handsome young man.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08You don't need to be going around with wrong 'uns.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13Smokey can tell you're very sorry for what you've done to his mummy.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Smokey's right, isn't he?
0:05:20 > 0:05:23And Smokey thinks you'd feel a whole lot better
0:05:23 > 0:05:27if you took Jesus Christ as your Lord and saviour.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32GUNSHOT
0:05:33 > 0:05:36PHONE BUZZES
0:05:41 > 0:05:44"Shut the front door."
0:05:45 > 0:05:47It's him! It's Patrick! I knew it.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Right, fine. But don't answer it.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Shall I answer it?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- No.- I shouldn't, should I?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Absolutely. - Absolutely I should answer it?
0:05:57 > 0:06:00No, no, you mustn't answer it.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02No. Yes. You're right.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Oh, but maybe I should. I'm stressed.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07I think I need a wee. I don't know if I need a wee
0:06:07 > 0:06:10or if it's cos I'm stressed because I think I should answer it.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Don't...answer the phone.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15PHONE STOPS BUZZING
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Oh...
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Well done.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26PHONE RINGS
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Sgt Forrest.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31'Tommy...
0:06:31 > 0:06:32'Where's the address?'
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Oh, now, Ian, little bit naughty.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Shouldn't really be calling me on this line.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Your mobile, then.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Yes, you got me there. It's been a busy couple of days.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Where is the address?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Now, I did say, did I not?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46It's no easy thing for me to get.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47'Don't care.'
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- Do better. I don't work for patient people.- 'All right.'
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Roger that.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Rest assured I am working on it.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01I'm working on it...right now,
0:07:01 > 0:07:02in fact.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08GUNSHOT
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Oh...
0:07:16 > 0:07:18I was worried, actually, that this would happen.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20That what might happen?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22He's infatuated with me.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24And because I haven't been in contact
0:07:24 > 0:07:27he's now experiencing genuine emotional distress.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Hang on. He slept with you
0:07:29 > 0:07:32and hasn't contacted you for nearly two weeks.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36It might be that he's just about struggling by OK.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42This wasn't just some casual thing, though, was it?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44It wasn't just sex.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Wasn't it?- If you'd been there...
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- I was there.- I should speak to him. He deserves closure.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52I mean, it will probably devastate him,
0:07:52 > 0:07:54but in the long term it's kinder.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56I want him to be able to move on, you know?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58One day, I'd even like him to feel like he can marry.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Yes. But we've talked about this, haven't we, Leanne?
0:08:04 > 0:08:06I know, I know, it's too dangerous.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- I agree with you.- Good.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15I just hope I don't do anything in my sleep.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21But...there were no birds.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23What was to be done?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Well, the park supervisor...
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Mate, where was you yesterday?
0:08:29 > 0:08:32I spent about £2.50 texting you.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37We was meant to be selling. I had to shift double.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Oh, yeah.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- Sorry.- Praise, bruv.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43It smells like shit in here.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Mate, there's bare cat shit on the carpet.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Oh, yeah.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53I'll get it later.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Shouldn't you have, like, a litter tray or some shit?
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I just chuck them out the window after Mum's gone to bed.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01Listen, mate...
0:09:01 > 0:09:04I was thinking maybe that I should look after
0:09:04 > 0:09:05the gun for a little while.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07And before you start, I'm not going to...
0:09:10 > 0:09:13All right, then. I'll just...
0:09:13 > 0:09:14take it, then.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Yeah?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30See you, then.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41All right?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- And the rest.- That's it.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Well, you'd best not be skimming. - That's all there is, honest.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55What the fuck have you been doing all week, then?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Mate, it's not my fault. It's Appraisal, bruv.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59He is not been coming out selling,
0:09:59 > 0:10:02he's just been sitting in his room, being weird with a cat.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05It's him you want to be having a go at, not me. It's not fair.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Wipe your own arse.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- What?- Wipe your own arse.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14If you've got shit on your backside, don't expect me to clean it.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Well, I've not had one today.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Right, listen. If your little man's taking a piss,
0:10:18 > 0:10:20it's cos you're letting him.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I don't want to hear, "Benny, I've got a problem."
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I want to hear, "I solved the problem." Do you understand?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Manage your fucking staff, man.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27He's your guy, he's your problem.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Wipe your own arse.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41GUNSHOT
0:10:44 > 0:10:45PHONE BUZZES I'm saying nothing, Rhones.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I'm saying nothing.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49PHONE CONTINUES TO BUZZ
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Well, as we discussed,
0:10:53 > 0:10:56keep ignoring the calls and he'll get the message soon enough.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Because we don't want to risk our lives, do we?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Because we value them, remember?
0:11:01 > 0:11:02OK, I know.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Knickers on, Rhones, I'm just showing you. God...!
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- RADIO:- If you're just tuning in, this is the agony hour.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Caller on line one, what's your problem?
0:11:18 > 0:11:21LEANNE: Hello, Simon. Long-time listener, first-time caller.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25What it is, is a young man is very much in love with me,
0:11:25 > 0:11:28but despite the feeling being mutual, due to circumstances,
0:11:28 > 0:11:29we can't be together
0:11:29 > 0:11:32and I'm 90% sure he's going to be committing suicide this evening.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Now, I know what you're thinking -
0:11:34 > 0:11:36why can't we be together?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Well, I can say too much,
0:11:38 > 0:11:42but let's just say I MAY have witnessed a crime
0:11:42 > 0:11:44that might have been on the news recently.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48I didn't get a chance to pick my song!
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Guess what I was going to have.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Right...!
0:11:51 > 0:11:54If it makes this bollocks stop, you can contact him.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02I think that's a wise decision, Rhones, given the facts.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06On the grounds that you are drawing a line under this.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07Sure, yeah.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Let the poor boy move on.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11And there will be no further contact.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Agreed.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16Fine.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I was going to have The Ketchup Song.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21'Hey, this is Patrick.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23'I can't get to the phone right now, so leave a message.'
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Patrick, it's, er...Mystique.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28We need to talk about our relationship.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Where things stand, where it's going to since that...
0:12:33 > 0:12:35that night.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38That beautiful night the week before last when we had...
0:12:38 > 0:12:40S-E-X.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43OK, bye.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Is this the entirety of the case file on Gladys Hobbs' murder?
0:13:05 > 0:13:06I think so, yeah.
0:13:08 > 0:13:13I mean, it's literally just sugar, water, fruit.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Blend it, stick it in the freezer.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I'm no chef...
0:13:19 > 0:13:22and I can do this.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Sugar, water, fruit.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Any fruit you like. Couldn't be easier.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30I just feel there must be something here that we've missed.
0:13:30 > 0:13:36Anyone who goes out to buy supermarket sorbet wants shooting.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38There's no excuse.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39Seriously.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Will do.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Try it. Sugar, water, fruit.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Blend it, freeze it.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I'm going back to the flat. Give it one more look over.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Any fruit you like.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54Make a big batch.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58That's dessert sorted for two weeks.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16Patrick.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Thank you for agreeing to meet me.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24I appreciate this hasn't been easy for you.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Yeah, that's OK. Fine.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Listen, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. I've been really busy.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Shush.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34I'm going to speak now.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36And I need you to listen.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Can you do that for me?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43This, us...
0:14:46 > 0:14:48..it's over.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49Yeah.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51I know.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53OK, yeah. Anyway...
0:14:53 > 0:14:56You brave, brave man.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02I just hope you don't feel...used.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06Like this was some sort of one-night, no-strings-attached,
0:15:06 > 0:15:08casual, just-for-fun thing.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10I don't expect you to believe me,
0:15:10 > 0:15:12but I hope...
0:15:13 > 0:15:14..with time...
0:15:16 > 0:15:18..you rebuild your trust in women...
0:15:19 > 0:15:22..and go on to be the husband...
0:15:24 > 0:15:25..and father...
0:15:28 > 0:15:30..and friendly grandpa...
0:15:30 > 0:15:33I know you could be.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38SHE SOBS LOUDLY
0:15:40 > 0:15:41OK, seriously, don't worry.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43It's OK.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Oh, Patrick...!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Somehow...
0:15:49 > 0:15:51you always say the right things.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Right, OK. Anyway...
0:15:54 > 0:15:56No-one...
0:15:56 > 0:15:58No-one knows me like you do.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01OK, right. Anyway...
0:16:01 > 0:16:04I wanted to ask if you would look after something for me.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07See, there's been a spate of break-ins
0:16:07 > 0:16:09amongst the bear restoration community.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10Oh, my God!
0:16:10 > 0:16:12I know, steal-to-order jobs.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13Erm...
0:16:13 > 0:16:15priceless bears disappearing off to God knows where.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Russia, probably.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- That's terrible.- Yeah.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25So...I'm spreading out some of my most precious bears to friends
0:16:25 > 0:16:29who are nothing to do with the trade, until this blows over.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31And I wondered if...
0:16:34 > 0:16:38..if you would look after Charlie Littlepockets for me.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Patrick...
0:16:44 > 0:16:45..that would be an honour.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50And the least I can do, given the way I've treated you.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Great.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Er, I'll be in touch.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Chin up, Patrick.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Chin up.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15BANGING ON DOOR
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Oh, Sarah, love.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22I'm coming in, OK?
0:17:23 > 0:17:24You all right, Jackie?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Take a seat, please, love.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35I've got something difficult to tell you about Mystique shagging a man.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36It's Mystique.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38She's shagging a man.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41I overheard her on the phone bragging about it.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45And I think he might be Irish.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Oh, shit...!
0:17:51 > 0:17:52That's a bummer.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Yeah, no, I feel like I should cry,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59but I'm almost beyond tears, you know?
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Numb.
0:18:02 > 0:18:03That...that's what I am.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05I'm so numb
0:18:05 > 0:18:07you probably can't tell how upset I am.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09But I am.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Well, I just thought you should know.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15But you know where I am if you want me to twat her.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Sure. Yeah, thanks, Jackie.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Take care, luvvie.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Why haven't you eaten my Summer's cake?
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Oh, well, I was saving it.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31But do you know what? Now I'm just too devastated to eat.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34You've got to eat, love. Otherwise you'll lose your tits.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Er, yeah. No, you're right, Jackie.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Erm...
0:18:37 > 0:18:40could you just leave, though?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Because, erm...
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Well, I only eat in private.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45I make quite a weird noise.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Come on, open wide.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49No, really, I...
0:18:50 > 0:18:53That's it. Good girl.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Dog hair, is it?
0:18:59 > 0:19:01That'd just be one of Rizla's.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Don't worry, he's very clean. Washes all the time.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Tongue's never off his bollocks.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10GUNSHOT
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Gareth!
0:19:16 > 0:19:17I'm coming in.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Don't come in.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21No, I am coming in, because I've got to wash...
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Christ, what's that smell?
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Mum...I said don't come in.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29I'm naked.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Have you shit the bed?
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- Have you shit the bed?- No!
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Christ, it stinks!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38We're going to have the bloody council out.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40MIAWING
0:19:40 > 0:19:41What the fuck is that?
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Nothing. Nothing.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45You can't come in. There's nothing here.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50It's not bloody nothing, is it?
0:19:50 > 0:19:51It's a cat.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54If I say no to gerbils, I ain't going to let you have a cat, am I?
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Where's that come from?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57It just came in.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59I thought it was yours.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Oh, don't talk shit to me, Gareth.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04You've nicked it, haven't you?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07No, I told you.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Probably deprived some poor family of their cat. Let me see...
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- There you are, look. - Mum, just leave it.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Right, come on, you. Let's get you home.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Probably a better home than this shit-hole.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19HE SIGHS DEEPLY
0:20:19 > 0:20:21GUNSHOT
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Oh, hi, Jackie. You all right?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Disgusting.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31- What's going on?- Go on, let rip.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37You, y-y-you blooming well know what's going on, y-you big bugger.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40You've been a naughty...twat.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43Look, you go, Jackie. I've got it from here.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Oh, no, I want to see her each shit.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47You're going to eat shit.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Not sure if she means that literally,
0:20:49 > 0:20:53but, yes, figuratively speaking, you are going to eat shit.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54What?
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Jackie heard you on the phone earlier to your boyfriend - Patrick.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01So we know you've been cheating
0:21:01 > 0:21:05and, as you can imagine, I am furious.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07Oh.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11Well?
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Yes.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15I admit it.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17I took a lover.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Fucking slag.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26And he offers me so much.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30He's got a yacht, Sarah, and he does me on it.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36And then sometimes, afterwards, we sail on to a pub lunch.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37Or Pizza Express.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39What have you got to say to that?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44You shameless...
0:21:44 > 0:21:47prossie.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Oh, yeah, that's right. Paint me the villain.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54But why don't we talk about your cheating, Sarah Penn?
0:21:56 > 0:21:57My cheating?
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Remember when we went to that monster truck rally
0:22:00 > 0:22:04and you got off with Pam St Clement?
0:22:04 > 0:22:05JACKIE GASPS
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Come on, love. She's just accused you of mucking out Pat Butcher.
0:22:10 > 0:22:11You're...
0:22:12 > 0:22:14..selfish.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18You don't care about anyone apart from yourself.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Did you ever, for one second, think about me?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24What you were doing to me?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26My life is in your hands
0:22:26 > 0:22:28and you risk everything,
0:22:28 > 0:22:30without a thought,
0:22:30 > 0:22:32because you wanted to fuck a stranger.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- I think I'll leave you two to this. - You stay where you are!
0:22:37 > 0:22:38Anyway, yes, that is...
0:22:39 > 0:22:41..basically, my grievance.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44In a nutshell.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52I'm not going to lie to you. It wasn't just sex.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55I mean, maybe it was for Patrick, but...
0:22:57 > 0:22:58..I really fell for him.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02But, I ended it with him today.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05For you.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Because you're more important to me.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14We're in this together, right?
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Yeah.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Friends?
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Well, I'm going to leave you two to have make-up sex.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Just shut them curtains. The kids round here are bastards.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33They will Snapchat it.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44You try it.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45Seriously, this weekend.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Sugar, water, fruit.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Just set aside an hour.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52You'd be amazed.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54It's so simple.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57There's no excuse, that's all it is - sugar, water, fruit.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- PHONE RINGS - You don't have to be a professional.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02You don't need any fancy kit.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Everything you need, you have in your kitchen, I promise you.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07- Hello?- 'Oh, hello!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09'You don't know me,
0:24:09 > 0:24:12'but I'm ringing because I think we may have your cat.'
0:24:12 > 0:24:13My son says he's found it
0:24:13 > 0:24:16and brought it home without his mother's permission.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Anyway, you probably want it back, so,
0:24:19 > 0:24:22it's at our house if you want to come over and get it.
0:24:22 > 0:24:28Now, I don't really know where you stand on the issue of, erm...reward?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Can I get your address, Mrs...?
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Pugh.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40So...
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Did you?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44End things with Patrick?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Cool.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Good. Well, well done.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Thank you.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Let's have a cuppa, shall we?
0:24:58 > 0:24:59Yeah.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04And a saucer of milk for Charlie Littlepockets.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10- What's that?- He's one of Patrick's premier antique bears.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13And he's given you that, has he?
0:25:13 > 0:25:16I wish. No, he's just asked me to look after him for a bit
0:25:16 > 0:25:18while the heat blows over.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19What?
0:25:19 > 0:25:23International bear robbers want to sell him to the Russians.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Right, Leanne...
0:25:25 > 0:25:30I'm 95% sure there's drugs inside that bear.
0:25:30 > 0:25:31What?!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Now, hang on, Rhones!
0:25:34 > 0:25:38I've been willing to listen to a lot of S-H-I-T about Patrick,
0:25:38 > 0:25:39but he's not a druggie.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Leanne, drugs inside a bear.
0:25:42 > 0:25:43It's like a drug dealer cliche.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47Think about it. Man with underworld connections
0:25:47 > 0:25:50does antique bear restoration?
0:25:50 > 0:25:51Look, I can assure you,
0:25:51 > 0:25:54there is nothing more sinister inside that bear
0:25:54 > 0:25:57than carefully sourced German horsehair.
0:25:57 > 0:25:58It's pretty heavy, Leanne.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01That's because you're not used to handling a high-end bear.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Oh, my God. There's stitching on the back from where it's been opened.
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Come on, Charlie Littlepockets.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08We don't have to stand here and be insulted like this.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09We need to find out what's inside that bear.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- I'm opening it up. - That is cultural vandalism.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Let go, Leanne.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15You let go.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Oh, well done. You'd better lawyer-up, missy,
0:26:21 > 0:26:24cos that's about two grand's worth of damage right there.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28Oh, God, what is it?
0:26:31 > 0:26:32Is it drugs?
0:26:35 > 0:26:36No, it's...
0:26:37 > 0:26:38It's not drugs.
0:26:44 > 0:26:45Oh.
0:26:45 > 0:26:46It's a gun.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50It's not just "a" gun, Leanne.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Think about it.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I think it's "the" gun.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09This whole nightmare could be over.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10We could be home this time tomorrow.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12If you'd like to tell me, in your own words,
0:27:12 > 0:27:14how you came to have this cat.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Patrick, that's it, isn't it? You're trying to protect Patrick.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19No.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20Give us the fucking address.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Shi-i-it!
0:27:33 > 0:27:34DOOR OPENS
0:27:34 > 0:27:35GUNSHOT