0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:08- My wife'd go fucking nuts for that. Serious?- Yeah, little present.
0:00:08 > 0:00:13My friend's funeral is on Thursday, and the wake is at Whelan's pub.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Do you think you could pull off being Patrick's date?
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Yes.
0:00:17 > 0:00:21I'll create a distraction for you to hide the gun.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23One of them's got a boyfriend.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26He doesn't go by the name of Charlie Littlepockets, does he?
0:00:26 > 0:00:28I'll give you the name...
0:00:28 > 0:00:29For a grand.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Shit.
0:00:32 > 0:00:33You're not pregnant.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Since when have you known this?
0:00:35 > 0:00:36The night before last.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39- What?- I'm sorry!
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Leanne.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Leanne!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Right.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10Well, this is it.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12The big day.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14T minus zero.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Is that all you're having?
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Come on, let me make you something, you need a good breakfast.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24- I'm good, thanks.- But you should go out on a full stomach.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27This is no time to avoid trans fats.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Let's go mad and have a sausage sandwich.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31I said I'm good, thank you.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37You are going to be able to do this today, aren't you?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40You know, do it...properly?
0:01:40 > 0:01:42I know this isn't nice.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46None of us wanted this, but the best thing we can do now,
0:01:46 > 0:01:48for all of our sakes, including Patrick,
0:01:48 > 0:01:52is to go ahead today and...give it our all.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53I know.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56Good.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Nice one, mate.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Do you know what? When this is over, you and me,
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I think we should go to...fucking Cornwall!
0:02:15 > 0:02:17I'm going upstairs to get into character.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42What's that?
0:02:43 > 0:02:46It's a silencer, you prick.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Yeah, cool.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- BROADCAST:- The mayor's office declined to comment.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00There's been a significant development into the investigation
0:03:00 > 0:03:03into the death of local schoolboy Gareth Pugh.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07The 68-year-old suspect, arrested on Monday, has been released,
0:03:07 > 0:03:10with all charges against him dropped.
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Police are now understood to be following an entirely new line of inquiry.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Traffic now, and it looks like it's not a lot of fun on the M32.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30So are you doing the arrest today?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Gareth Pugh suspect?
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Yeah.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Good, good.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36What about you?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Oh, busy.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Busy, yeah.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Yeah, I've got a Renault Scenic being parked illegally
0:03:42 > 0:03:44for the last three weeks.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47The alarm's started going off now, to add insult to injury.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Got to slap a court order on that mother.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56So where are you doing the arrest, then, just...
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Just at his house?
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- School.- Oh, are you?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Good. Jolly good.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Great, well...
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Good luck with that.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08Yeah, thanks.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10And good luck with the, um, Renault Scenic.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Yep.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- Colin?- Hmm?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18You want to come with us?
0:04:18 > 0:04:19What, on the arrest?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Yeah.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24No, I'd just be in the way.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- You'd be more than welcome, but...- Yeah, OK! Great.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31I'm going to get a Crunchie from the vending, do you want anything?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33See you later.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39MUSIC: Sour Times by Portishead
0:05:24 > 0:05:25HE SIGHS
0:05:40 > 0:05:42INDISTINCT CHATTER
0:05:59 > 0:06:00- Is that?- Yeah.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Shh.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Shh!
0:06:18 > 0:06:19SILENCE FALLS
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Dearly beloved.
0:06:30 > 0:06:37We are gathered here today to say farewell to Ian Francis Bullard.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42And you'll notice I say "farewell", and not "goodbye".
0:06:42 > 0:06:43DOORS RATTLE
0:06:44 > 0:06:47DRAMATIC ENTRANCE MUSIC
0:06:58 > 0:07:01MURMURING
0:07:14 > 0:07:18You'll notice I say "farewell", and not "goodbye".
0:07:18 > 0:07:22Because today is not an ending.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Death is a door through which we each must...
0:07:45 > 0:07:47SHE SIGHS
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Good times.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Ready?
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Mm-hmm.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Patrick.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50How's your head, son?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Willie. Willie!
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Patrick!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Oh, come here.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- HE GRUNTS - Hey!
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Really appreciate you making it down here today, mate.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02That means a lot.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Hey, you're not with this ugly bastard, are you?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09How much is he paying you?
0:09:09 > 0:09:10HE CHUCKLES
0:09:12 > 0:09:13I'm joking.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Heart of a fucking lion, this one.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Willie, this is Claire.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Claire?
0:09:23 > 0:09:24God bless you both.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30God bless the both of you.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33How long has this been going on?
0:09:33 > 0:09:34BOTH: About three months.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39On our first date, we went ten pin bowling.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40- Bowling?- Mmm.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Hey, Shirl.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Shirley!
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- Look here.- Oh, long time no see!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Hey, thank you for that bear.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57I'm serious, that was fucking beautiful, actually.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Nah, no worries.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Hey, hold on to him.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03I like a man who can sew, I do.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05I won't have him cook,
0:10:05 > 0:10:08but I think a man should be able to sew a button.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21It's ten past, you're late.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Have you got it, then?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31BED MECHANISM WHIRS
0:10:37 > 0:10:40No, no, no, no, no.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Meat. A dog must have meat, raw meat.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Anything else is going to dull them, isn't it?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Willie? What's up, mate?
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Who the fuck's that?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Well, she was at the service.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Probably some bird he was shagging.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Keep an eye on her. Keep her away from 'Manda.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- He'd have done the same for us, wouldn't he?- Yeah.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02All right, mate.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30Right. Now, I only know the boy's first name.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Fuck sake!- It's Patrick.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- Patrick?- That's the one.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40And they were shagging.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Patrick, and he lives in Swindon?
0:11:44 > 0:11:46At it like two dogs in a ditch, they were.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Fuck me, this is going to ruffle a few feathers, isn't it?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Morning, noon and night, like sailors on a bunk bed.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Right.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Me, I absolutely love
0:11:56 > 0:11:59anything to do with the Tudors.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Seriously. Films, telly...
0:12:02 > 0:12:05books, even. I love it.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- One pack.- All right, Amanda, love? - I'm not being funny, right?
0:12:09 > 0:12:10But who the fuck is that?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- Who?- That.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15What does she think she fucking looks like?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Did you see her at the service?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I think she's a cousin of Ian's.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20What fucking cousin? I've never met her.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22PHONE RINGS
0:12:22 > 0:12:24- One pack.- Yeah.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- Yeah, I'll call you back, mate. - What cousin?
0:12:26 > 0:12:31- 'Listen, I've got a name.'- One pack? - I'll call you back in five.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35Well, he Irish, isn't he? Cousins coming out of his arsehole.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Right, well, nice doing business with you, love.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40If you don't mind fucking off, I need to have a piss
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- in a cardboard bowl.- No can do, I'm afraid.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46See, I'm going to need that grand back.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47- What?- The money.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Give us it back.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Now, hang on, we had a deal.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55No, the people that I work for - they don't really do deals.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Well, you can tell the people you work for
0:13:01 > 0:13:04to suck my arse.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09Big mistake.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Nice one, sis. I said he'd try it on, didn't I?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Cheeky twat.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT: - Get me drinks menu!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Is she fucking looking at me?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45What?
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I want to see drinks menu.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Uh... I don't think there is a drinks menu.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55There's Fosters, probably wine.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56SHE SIGHS
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Make me appletini.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03- What?- I want appletini.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Make.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Pick-up, you twat.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Uh...
0:14:19 > 0:14:21She wants an appletini.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Fine.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27How do you make an appletini?
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Just put some shit in a glass.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34SIREN BLARES
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Last lap.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Come on, ladies. It's not a sponsored walk.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Did you fucking see that?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17What is this? It's disgusting.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- An appletini...?- This is joke.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22You think I'm whore?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25GLASS SMASHES
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Again.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32All right, love, I think it's taxi time for someone, don't you?
0:15:34 > 0:15:37I'm sorry, but who the fuck actually are you?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41I am friend of Ian's.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44- What is to you?- What's it to me?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46I'm his fucking fiance, love.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49I think you should leave.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51I have right to be here.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Ian and I were very close.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Are you fucking Sandra?
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Yes.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Yes, I am Sandra.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09He told me it was over with Sandra.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Darling.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16With Sandra...
0:16:16 > 0:16:18it is never over.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22GASPS
0:16:26 > 0:16:28So, you can get passionate?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32That's not what Ian told me.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Hello?
0:16:44 > 0:16:45Is that you, Willie?
0:16:47 > 0:16:50DEEP VOICE: Mh-hm.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52OK, love.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56All the late-night text messages, that was you, wasn't it?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Every one.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02And when he kept saying overnight in Kidderminster, for work?
0:17:02 > 0:17:06I am based just outside kiddie minster.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08- ALL:- Ooof.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33And when he said he was doing a beekeeping course,
0:17:33 > 0:17:35and we were still getting our honey from Aldi,
0:17:35 > 0:17:36he was with you, wasn't he?
0:17:36 > 0:17:39My darling, he couldn't keep away.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- ALL:- Oooh!
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- You bitch!- Whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies! All right, time out.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47All right, mate, mate. Let them sort it, yeah?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Go on, love, fucking have her!
0:17:49 > 0:17:51SHE SCREAMS
0:17:51 > 0:17:53CHEERING
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Shit.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00William!
0:18:00 > 0:18:02I'm watching my programme!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10THEY SHOUT AND CHEER
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- Fucking whore!- Ow!- Argh!
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Yeah, Ian said making love to you was like fucking an otter.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32SHE SCREAMS
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Fuck!
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Right, that's it, fucking show over.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Fucking silk, that.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43- No!- Arrgh!
0:18:43 > 0:18:46- Fucking chuck her out. - Get your hands off me.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- Are you OK?- No! No!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51- Come on, out here, now.- No! Ian...- I know, I've heard it before.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Ian loved me. He loved me like...
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- Argh!- There's a bag of Hula Hoops for the bus home, now fuck off.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Oh, my God, right, we need to get you to hospital.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04- OWN ACCENT:- I'm fine.- Patrick, what are you doing?- People are looking. - I don't care - the baby.- Shh.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- Patrick, leave her alone, mate, you'll catch something.- Come on.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Come on.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- WHISPERS:- I'm not pregnant.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- What?- Fucking forgotten what he's like,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17he's like the dog with two fucking dicks, isn't he?
0:19:17 > 0:19:19I'm not pregnant.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23I never was.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26I'm sorry. Just...
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- go in.- That's it, mate. Come on.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Come on and have a beer, eh?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Come on and have a beer. Come on.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39You don't want a dead man's sloppy seconds anyway, do you?
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Eh?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Sorry, Amanda.
0:19:44 > 0:19:49It's not always worth it, son. You'll be scratching your bollocks for a week.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Willie, is that you?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- Yes, Mum.- What are you doing coming in and out?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00You're playing hell with my nerves.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02All right, calm down,
0:20:02 > 0:20:03I'm only going to change my bloody shirt.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Mate, you look like shite.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25What are you drinking?
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Um...
0:20:26 > 0:20:30- I'll have a whisky.- Fuck me, good lad. He's on the whiskies.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Good lad.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30SHE SOBS
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Charlie Littlepockets.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42It's Patrick.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Fuck sake!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53I'm sorry, mate. What the fuck's going on there, then?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56You're going to take him for a drive.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Get the knuckles, the cable cutters...
0:23:04 > 0:23:06..and the glock.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Meet me at the place.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Give us ten minutes' head start.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Fucking breaks my heart.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24You're a good man, Willie.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Oh, fuck.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03You look like you're carrying the weight of the whole fucking world
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- on your shoulders, mate.- Oh, Willie. Um...
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- I was just about to get off, actually.- No, no, no, you've been drinking, I'll give you a lift.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12- Oh, no, no, it's all right. - I insist.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33No. No, no, no, no, no.
0:24:46 > 0:24:47Patrick!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Shit.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Patrick! Shit!
0:24:54 > 0:24:58Shit! PATRICK!
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Ahh!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04'It's only me, Mrs Whelan. What's that, EastEnders?'
0:25:04 > 0:25:07'Oh, it's rubbish, no. I don't watch it.'
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Ohh!- Oh, shit!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13- Oh, fuck's sake!- I'm sorry.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I'm so sorry!
0:25:18 > 0:25:22I've just got to pick a few things up for Willie, then I'll be out your hair.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27You?
0:25:29 > 0:25:31It's fucking you.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48DOOR UNLOCKS