Episode 1

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0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language.

0:00:07 > 0:00:09We were placed into witness protection

0:00:09 > 0:00:10because we saw a shooting.

0:00:10 > 0:00:13- Oh, shit.- The gang, the same gang I assume you used to be involved with,

0:00:13 > 0:00:16- have found our location. - I'm pregnant. We're having a baby.

0:00:16 > 0:00:19Well, firstly I'll... I'll help you. Of course I'll... I'll help you.

0:00:19 > 0:00:21Help my baby.

0:00:21 > 0:00:23- Leanne, it's not the baby. - How do you know?

0:00:23 > 0:00:26- There is no baby.- Hang on, since when have you known this?

0:00:26 > 0:00:28The night before last.

0:00:28 > 0:00:29I'm sorry.

0:00:29 > 0:00:31Why don't you go and tell whoever the fuck you work for

0:00:31 > 0:00:34that I'll give you the name for a grand?

0:00:34 > 0:00:37Nah, the people I work for, they don't really do deals.

0:00:37 > 0:00:40I could have a way we could plant the gun on Whelan.

0:00:40 > 0:00:44My friend's funeral's on Thursday and the wake is at Whelan's.

0:00:44 > 0:00:47I'll create a distraction for you to hide the gun.

0:00:47 > 0:00:52Darling, with Sandra, it is never over.

0:00:52 > 0:00:54PEOPLE GASP

0:00:54 > 0:00:57- People are looking. - Yeah, I don't care. The baby.

0:00:57 > 0:00:59I'm not pregnant, I never was.

0:00:59 > 0:01:04Charlie Littlepockets is Patrick. Get the knuckles and the Glock.

0:01:04 > 0:01:06I was just about to get off, actually.

0:01:06 > 0:01:09Oh, no, no, no. You've been drinking, I'll give you a lift.

0:01:09 > 0:01:10No, no, no, no, no.

0:01:12 > 0:01:14Patrick!

0:01:14 > 0:01:16SIREN WAILS

0:01:20 > 0:01:22Oh, fuck.

0:01:43 > 0:01:47Police! Put your hands where I can see them.

0:01:47 > 0:01:51You're under arrest, several offences.

0:01:51 > 0:01:54You don't have to say anything but anything you do say will be

0:01:54 > 0:01:59written down in a little book and read out...in court.

0:01:59 > 0:02:01SIREN WAILS

0:02:01 > 0:02:04There you are - that... That's the lads now.

0:02:04 > 0:02:07Hands on your head, face down on the bed.

0:02:07 > 0:02:09Face down on the bed!

0:02:10 > 0:02:12I'm going to search you now.

0:02:15 > 0:02:19Search coming any second now.

0:02:27 > 0:02:28Shit.

0:02:37 > 0:02:40What the fuck?

0:02:42 > 0:02:45It's all gone wrong, he's taken Patrick.

0:02:47 > 0:02:48Oh, shit.

0:03:14 > 0:03:16LOCKS CLICK

0:03:20 > 0:03:23Charlie Littlepockets, Patrick.

0:03:25 > 0:03:27It's you.

0:03:27 > 0:03:28What?

0:03:28 > 0:03:30Don't fuck about, son.

0:03:30 > 0:03:32I know.

0:03:34 > 0:03:36You've been helping them witnesses.

0:03:38 > 0:03:43You're working for someone else, trying to make a name for yourself.

0:03:43 > 0:03:45I'm surprised at you, son,

0:03:45 > 0:03:48because you're not stupid, and you know what fucking happens.

0:03:48 > 0:03:50Willy, honestly, I don't know what you're...

0:03:50 > 0:03:53Charlie Littlepockets? That's one of my bears.

0:03:53 > 0:03:56PHONE VIBRATES

0:03:56 > 0:03:59- Yeah?- Right, I just found that bird Patrick brought with him

0:03:59 > 0:04:00in the play room.

0:04:00 > 0:04:04Put a gun on me, claimed she were a copper then done a runner.

0:04:04 > 0:04:05Clear it out.

0:04:09 > 0:04:13- One Pack has just found your bird sniffing round my flat.- What?!

0:04:13 > 0:04:14She...

0:04:14 > 0:04:16She said she was getting the bus.

0:04:16 > 0:04:19Don't fuck me about, Patrick! What's going on?

0:04:19 > 0:04:21Willy, honestly, I don't... She...

0:04:21 > 0:04:24I've been seeing her a couple of weeks, she found me on Instagram,

0:04:24 > 0:04:26she's a nursery nurse, she plays the clarinet

0:04:26 > 0:04:28and she's my girlfriend, Willy.

0:04:28 > 0:04:30I've seen her fanny.

0:04:36 > 0:04:38HE GASPS

0:04:40 > 0:04:44You two are in so much trouble. Start talking now.

0:04:44 > 0:04:46I'm sorry, we're sorry, but there's guns,

0:04:46 > 0:04:49he's got guns in the wardrobe and he's got fucking knives,

0:04:49 > 0:04:50he's got crossbows...

0:04:50 > 0:04:52Whoa, slow down. Who has?

0:04:52 > 0:04:55- Willy Whelan.- What the hell do you know about Willy Whelan?

0:04:55 > 0:04:57Look, we had a plan. By the way,

0:04:57 > 0:05:0090% sure this is the murder weapon.

0:05:00 > 0:05:01Jesus Christ.

0:05:01 > 0:05:03Explain.

0:05:03 > 0:05:05Well, we were going to plant in it in his bedroom

0:05:05 > 0:05:08but in the wardrobe there's this secret room

0:05:08 > 0:05:12- and it's just full of weapons, just guns, lots of guns.- Oh...

0:05:14 > 0:05:16That's it, well done.

0:05:16 > 0:05:18Who packed that fucker? Look at it.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22Oh, no, not now. Fuck off, no.

0:05:22 > 0:05:23The Five-0 are after me.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26- What are they? What are they, rappers, what?- The police.

0:05:26 > 0:05:29Police? Well, don't come in here, then, you twat.

0:05:29 > 0:05:31I didn't know where to...

0:05:31 > 0:05:33Oh, for fuck's sake.

0:05:33 > 0:05:35HE SOBS

0:05:35 > 0:05:39Right, just wait there, wait there. Fuck's sake. My life.

0:05:47 > 0:05:50Here you are, take that, all right?

0:05:50 > 0:05:52I'll call you on it later, go.

0:05:52 > 0:05:55Well, go, go, go, you twat, go!

0:05:55 > 0:05:58Right, that's it, well done. Give us that one, I'll have that one,

0:05:58 > 0:06:00that's mine.

0:06:02 > 0:06:05All units, this is Romeo Oscar 2-0. I need immediate armed backup

0:06:05 > 0:06:09- at location, the Badger public house. Over.- What's going on?

0:06:09 > 0:06:11Whelan's got a stockpile of weapons in there,

0:06:11 > 0:06:14- secret room in his back bedroom. - Cool.

0:06:14 > 0:06:17Well, presumably we've got time for a Costa from the garage?

0:06:17 > 0:06:19It's literally two minutes that way.

0:06:20 > 0:06:23So what about Charlie Littlepockets?

0:06:23 > 0:06:26It's one of the bears, you saw it.

0:06:26 > 0:06:28I-I-I gave it to her as a present.

0:06:34 > 0:06:36You've been played, son.

0:06:36 > 0:06:37We both have.

0:06:38 > 0:06:40What do you mean?

0:06:40 > 0:06:42Your girlfriend is one of the fucking witnesses.

0:06:44 > 0:06:48- What?- Yeah, she's used you to get to me, I'll say this for her,

0:06:48 > 0:06:50some fucking bollocks on her.

0:06:50 > 0:06:53So you're saying she's responsible?

0:06:53 > 0:06:54Sorry, son.

0:06:57 > 0:06:58Oh, shit.

0:06:59 > 0:07:02Very devious creatures, women.

0:07:02 > 0:07:04They'll suss out your weaknesses,

0:07:04 > 0:07:08so she's realised that you're a big-hearted lad and you love twat.

0:07:08 > 0:07:10HE SOBS

0:07:10 > 0:07:14Now, don't be too hard on yourself, son, happens to the best of us.

0:07:14 > 0:07:18Come on, now. Come on, now.

0:07:18 > 0:07:22You're a good guy, Patrick. You're a good guy, you're loyal,

0:07:22 > 0:07:25smart, and brains, not just a pair of fists.

0:07:25 > 0:07:29I always got work for someone like that, right? Don't you forget.

0:07:35 > 0:07:37Right, come on, let's fucking get a Mr Whippy.

0:07:47 > 0:07:49Police! Stand back!

0:07:52 > 0:07:54Armed police!

0:07:54 > 0:07:55Clear!

0:08:05 > 0:08:07Shit.

0:08:07 > 0:08:08Urgh.

0:08:10 > 0:08:13Hello, officers.

0:08:13 > 0:08:15I see you've found my little play den, then?

0:08:15 > 0:08:18Guilty as charged.

0:08:18 > 0:08:20It's where I bring my girls, see?

0:08:20 > 0:08:22Mistresses, sex professionals,

0:08:22 > 0:08:24I won't have 'em on that marital bed,

0:08:24 > 0:08:26won't have them on there out of respect for my wife.

0:08:29 > 0:08:31Do you partake, Officer?

0:08:50 > 0:08:52All right, son? What's up?

0:08:52 > 0:08:55Right, well, um, the good news is,

0:08:55 > 0:08:58they know who Charlie Littlepockets is.

0:08:58 > 0:09:00Yeah, yeah, we know, Patrick. It's all come out in the wash.

0:09:00 > 0:09:02Turns out it were bollocks.

0:09:02 > 0:09:04- Right.- Hang on, hang on, hang on.

0:09:06 > 0:09:08That's the good news? Where's the cash?

0:09:08 > 0:09:11Don't be saying you've come here without the cash.

0:09:11 > 0:09:13Well, they jumped me, One Pack, they jumped me.

0:09:13 > 0:09:15They smacked me in the back of the head with a weapon...

0:09:15 > 0:09:18- ..and left a big gaping hole in my head.- Let me see.

0:09:18 > 0:09:19Look.

0:09:19 > 0:09:22- Agh.- Get the money sorted fast.

0:09:22 > 0:09:26Believe me, son, I'm doing you a favour here, yeah?

0:09:26 > 0:09:29Don't be showing your face around here without a fucking grand.

0:09:29 > 0:09:30Now piss off.

0:09:35 > 0:09:37Where are you, you little prick?

0:09:37 > 0:09:39Right, where?

0:09:39 > 0:09:42Hey, no, I'm in the field.

0:09:42 > 0:09:43Right, which way?

0:09:43 > 0:09:45Right...

0:09:48 > 0:09:49This way?

0:09:49 > 0:09:52This ain't hide-and-fucking-seek.

0:09:52 > 0:09:54Where are you?

0:09:54 > 0:09:56Over here.

0:09:56 > 0:09:58Oh, boy.

0:09:58 > 0:10:00Come here.

0:10:02 > 0:10:04Where are we going?

0:10:04 > 0:10:06- We sorted you out some board and lodgings.- What do you mean?

0:10:06 > 0:10:09You're going on your holidays, Quavers.

0:10:10 > 0:10:12Come on.

0:10:12 > 0:10:14Can I change out of my PE kit?

0:10:14 > 0:10:16Can you bollocks, son.

0:10:25 > 0:10:26Right, Quavers, we're here.

0:10:40 > 0:10:42This him, is it?

0:10:42 > 0:10:43This is your new lodger.

0:10:43 > 0:10:46He'll have to work, mind.

0:10:46 > 0:10:48He'll have to work.

0:10:50 > 0:10:52Good luck, Quavers.

0:10:58 > 0:10:59So...

0:10:59 > 0:11:01What is this?

0:11:02 > 0:11:04Like a farm or...

0:11:04 > 0:11:06..scrap yard or something?

0:11:06 > 0:11:08Yeah.

0:11:20 > 0:11:22This is me family.

0:11:22 > 0:11:26That's me daughter Brigid, that's me son Gurvin.

0:11:26 > 0:11:28You'll be sleeping in with Gurvin.

0:11:28 > 0:11:30There's no talking after lights out

0:11:30 > 0:11:34or the Virgin Mary will come out of the cupboard and whip your legs.

0:11:46 > 0:11:48You all right?

0:11:48 > 0:11:50HE SNORTS

0:12:08 > 0:12:11Oh, no.

0:12:13 > 0:12:16Right, here's how it's going to be. You're back in wit pro

0:12:16 > 0:12:19and this time you will be cooperating fully.

0:12:19 > 0:12:22But I'd just like to point out that the reason

0:12:22 > 0:12:24we felt compelled to come up with this plan...

0:12:24 > 0:12:25It was her idea, by the way.

0:12:25 > 0:12:27The reason why we felt forced to do this was

0:12:27 > 0:12:30because we were let down by the police in the first place...

0:12:30 > 0:12:33Listen, love, you two are looking at a long list of charges -

0:12:33 > 0:12:36conspiracy to pervert the course of justice,

0:12:36 > 0:12:38possession of a firearm,

0:12:38 > 0:12:40- assaulting a police officer. - Also her.

0:12:40 > 0:12:43And I'm pretty sure you shot your neighbour through the bathroom door.

0:12:43 > 0:12:46- Her again, pattern developing. - Leanne.

0:12:46 > 0:12:49Now, I'm prepared to overlook these indiscretions

0:12:49 > 0:12:53provided you now fully cooperate with my investigation.

0:12:53 > 0:12:56You'll have to be given new identities.

0:12:56 > 0:12:58I can now tell you a date has been set for trial -

0:12:58 > 0:13:00it's the 23rd of this month.

0:13:00 > 0:13:04So can I assume you can be trusted to stay out of trouble until then?

0:13:07 > 0:13:11You'll give evidence by video link, you will go home

0:13:11 > 0:13:15and we will never see one another again, is that clear?

0:13:15 > 0:13:16Yes.

0:13:16 > 0:13:19Sorry? I can't hear you.

0:13:19 > 0:13:21- Yes!- Good.

0:13:23 > 0:13:26DC Wilton, I'd like to request that Rhona

0:13:26 > 0:13:29and I live separately from now on.

0:13:29 > 0:13:31For God's sake, Leanne, don't be such a drama queen.

0:13:31 > 0:13:33That's what I'd like, please.

0:13:33 > 0:13:35We're not messing about here, Leanne.

0:13:35 > 0:13:38- If we go our separate ways, that will be it.- I know.

0:13:38 > 0:13:41You won't be able to just text me if there's a spider in the bath.

0:13:41 > 0:13:44- I know!- Well, given all that's happened, yes,

0:13:44 > 0:13:46I think that would be for the best.

0:14:02 > 0:14:04# I won't play these old games

0:14:04 > 0:14:07# Taking risks for gold chains

0:14:07 > 0:14:10# Trying to make my own fame

0:14:10 > 0:14:12# Struggling in the city

0:14:12 > 0:14:16# Making love just ain't fun

0:14:16 > 0:14:18# When your heart's left undone

0:14:18 > 0:14:21# Makes for such a sad song

0:14:21 > 0:14:23# Struggling in the city

0:14:25 > 0:14:30# Oh-oh, oh-oh

0:14:30 > 0:14:31# Oh-oh..#

0:14:31 > 0:14:35Oh, my... Oh, my... Oh, my God!

0:14:36 > 0:14:39I know this is highly unusual, but I just wondered

0:14:39 > 0:14:41if there was an any chance of an extension?

0:14:41 > 0:14:43Oh, Patrick, where does it all end?

0:14:43 > 0:14:46- I know, I do understand but... - There are no extensions.

0:14:56 > 0:14:58# ..I won't play these old games

0:14:58 > 0:15:01# Taking risks for gold chains

0:15:01 > 0:15:03# Trying to make my own fame

0:15:03 > 0:15:05# Struggling in the city... #

0:15:05 > 0:15:07Dear Patrick.

0:15:07 > 0:15:11My name is Rosemary. I'm the editor of Vintage Bear Enthusiast.

0:15:13 > 0:15:18I wondered if you'd be interested in talking to us about your work.

0:15:19 > 0:15:21Come on, come on.

0:15:47 > 0:15:50BIRDS CHEEP

0:15:54 > 0:15:57HE GASPS

0:15:58 > 0:16:00FABRIC RIPS

0:16:04 > 0:16:06- Agh! - CRUNCH!

0:16:06 > 0:16:09ENGINE FAILS TO START

0:16:09 > 0:16:11Not today! Not today!

0:16:11 > 0:16:14Shit! Shit!

0:16:16 > 0:16:17Fucking shit.

0:16:17 > 0:16:19Out of my way.

0:16:22 > 0:16:25- I'm so sorry, I'm not late. - Over an hour late, Patrick.

0:16:25 > 0:16:28- I know, I know.- We have deadlines for a reason, Patrick.

0:16:28 > 0:16:31- I'm afraid that's an automatic fail. - What?!

0:16:31 > 0:16:33No, no, no, no. Wait, listen. I've had a really difficult week.

0:16:33 > 0:16:36I have an 82-year-old mother with a detached retina, Patrick.

0:16:36 > 0:16:39- You can teach me nothing of difficult weeks.- OK, sure, but...

0:16:39 > 0:16:41I suggest that next time you spend a little less

0:16:41 > 0:16:44time in the pub and a little more time in the library.

0:16:44 > 0:16:46Oh, fuck off, you twat!

0:16:46 > 0:16:49What the fuck would you know about my life?

0:16:49 > 0:16:51Julie?

0:16:51 > 0:16:53SHE GASPS

0:16:53 > 0:16:55- Julie! - I'm sorry, that was too far...

0:16:55 > 0:16:57- No, he's assaulted me!- What?

0:16:57 > 0:17:00- Security! - Sorry, I just wanted to get my...

0:17:00 > 0:17:01Oo-ooh.

0:17:01 > 0:17:04I've soiled, Julie.

0:17:04 > 0:17:06Julie, I've soiled.

0:17:06 > 0:17:08Is that what you do?

0:17:08 > 0:17:10I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...

0:17:10 > 0:17:13You've made a 58-year-old woman soil! Are you happy?

0:17:13 > 0:17:15What? What are you doing? Get off me.

0:17:15 > 0:17:16Get out!

0:17:16 > 0:17:18Consider yourself dis-enrolled.

0:17:18 > 0:17:22I'm sorry, I just wanted to get my essay in! Just...

0:17:22 > 0:17:24SHE SOBS

0:17:44 > 0:17:45Fucking have that.

0:17:52 > 0:17:54Fucking hell.

0:18:11 > 0:18:13Welcome home, son.

0:18:16 > 0:18:18Here you are, boys.

0:18:18 > 0:18:20He's come home.

0:18:20 > 0:18:22Give him a fucking whisky!

0:18:37 > 0:18:39Oh, he's alive!

0:18:39 > 0:18:40Ohh...

0:18:44 > 0:18:48Dear Rosemary. Thanks for your e-mail. I'm very flattered.

0:18:48 > 0:18:51However, due to a change in personal circumstances

0:18:51 > 0:18:54I'm no longer pursuing bear restoration.

0:18:56 > 0:18:59Dear Patrick. No problem.

0:18:59 > 0:19:02Sorry to hear you've stopped your bear work.

0:19:02 > 0:19:08You are clearly a very talented, sensitive, good-hearted young man.

0:19:08 > 0:19:10Goodbye and good luck.

0:19:11 > 0:19:12Love, Lea...

0:19:16 > 0:19:18Love, Rosemary.

0:19:21 > 0:19:23All rise.

0:19:26 > 0:19:30- DISTORTED:- My friend and I were walking home...

0:19:30 > 0:19:33But she wanted to go to the shop so...

0:19:33 > 0:19:37- DISTORTED:- We took a detour through the car park on Parson's Lane...

0:19:37 > 0:19:41And that's when we saw him, the gunman.

0:19:41 > 0:19:45- DISTORTED:- He pulled up on a scrambler bike and...

0:19:45 > 0:19:47Shot the guy in the ice-cream van.

0:19:47 > 0:19:51And can you identify the gunman from the photographs in front of you?

0:19:51 > 0:19:54Yes, he's, um, picture number two.

0:19:54 > 0:19:55For the benefit of the court,

0:19:55 > 0:20:00the witness has identified picture two, the defendant,

0:20:00 > 0:20:02as the gunman.

0:20:21 > 0:20:23Witness B, can you hear me?

0:20:25 > 0:20:27DISTORTED: Yes, yes, I can hear you.

0:20:27 > 0:20:32SILLY VOICE: Do I need to do a different voice?

0:20:34 > 0:20:36No, no, there's no need for that.

0:20:36 > 0:20:41OK. Or I could do ze accent for reasons of security, oui?

0:20:41 > 0:20:46Please, witness B, your own accent will be quite sufficient, thank you.

0:20:50 > 0:20:52Patrick.

0:20:53 > 0:20:55I'm sorry.

0:20:56 > 0:20:59Leanne didn't know anything, it was all my fault.

0:20:59 > 0:21:01We really did think she was pregnant at first

0:21:01 > 0:21:04but then I realised she wasn't and I made her keep it up.

0:21:04 > 0:21:06She didn't want to, honestly.

0:21:06 > 0:21:08- We need to go.- Patrick!

0:21:08 > 0:21:11Come on, we really need to go, come on.

0:21:16 > 0:21:18Hi.

0:21:18 > 0:21:20Hello, Rhona.

0:21:20 > 0:21:22Thank you.

0:21:25 > 0:21:28So...

0:21:29 > 0:21:31Have a seat.

0:21:31 > 0:21:35Do you want a cup of tea? A coffee? An Options?

0:21:35 > 0:21:36I'm pleased to tell you

0:21:36 > 0:21:40- that the trial resulted in a successful conviction.- Yes!

0:21:40 > 0:21:43The suspect received a substantial custodial sentence

0:21:43 > 0:21:46and we have therefore been able to review your security status...

0:21:48 > 0:21:51..and I can confirm...

0:21:51 > 0:21:53Yes?

0:21:55 > 0:21:58- ..that you still qualify for witness protection.- What?!

0:21:58 > 0:21:59What?!

0:21:59 > 0:22:01Well, this is absolutely scandalous.

0:22:01 > 0:22:04- You said the trial would be the end of this.- I didn't figure on you

0:22:04 > 0:22:06breaking into the gang-leader's house

0:22:06 > 0:22:08and poking around his weapons stash.

0:22:08 > 0:22:11So...what does this mean?

0:22:11 > 0:22:14It means you'll need to continue living in witness protection

0:22:14 > 0:22:17until we're confident that you're no longer at risk.

0:22:17 > 0:22:19Oh, bums.

0:22:19 > 0:22:22Never rains but it pours.

0:22:22 > 0:22:24Right, fuck it, I don't care, I'm going home.

0:22:24 > 0:22:26I want to go and hug my mum

0:22:26 > 0:22:28and argue with my dad about immigration.

0:22:28 > 0:22:31You'd be putting your family in grave danger.

0:22:32 > 0:22:35Look, the situation will continually be under review.

0:22:35 > 0:22:37Every six months.

0:22:39 > 0:22:41OK, well, thanks for letting me know.

0:22:41 > 0:22:44Have you, um, told Rhona about this?

0:22:44 > 0:22:46Yeah.

0:22:46 > 0:22:47How'd she take it?

0:22:47 > 0:22:51SHE WAILS

0:22:51 > 0:22:53Oh, you know? Similar to you.

0:22:53 > 0:22:55WAILING CONTINUES

0:22:55 > 0:22:57Oh.

0:22:57 > 0:22:58Good luck, Leanne.

0:22:58 > 0:23:00Yeah.

0:23:06 > 0:23:08- Have you seen it?- Mm?

0:23:08 > 0:23:11- And that is every branch in the south-west.- Oh, my God.

0:23:11 > 0:23:14Fucking stop now, you've gotta pull him forward

0:23:14 > 0:23:16so I can get my fucking arms out. Snap it back.

0:23:16 > 0:23:18BONES CRUNCH, MAN GROANS

0:23:18 > 0:23:20You dirty little bastard!

0:23:20 > 0:23:21SHE SCREAMS

0:23:21 > 0:23:23GUNSHOT