0:00:02 > 0:00:07The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,
0:00:10 > 0:00:13you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.
0:00:13 > 0:00:18Mr T is on a special mission.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20He's been searching far and wide -
0:00:20 > 0:00:23assembling an army of extraordinary individuals -
0:00:23 > 0:00:27people who boldly venture where others fear to tread -
0:00:27 > 0:00:30people who dare to do things differently -
0:00:30 > 0:00:32people who aren't afraid to ask questions like...
0:00:32 > 0:00:35"Can I fit in that?"
0:00:35 > 0:00:40"What's through that door?" And, "Do I really need a parachute?"
0:00:40 > 0:00:45He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48He's found the world's craziest fools.
0:00:51 > 0:00:56Hello, people of Britain. I'm Mr T and you're watching my TV show.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58I've searched all over the world
0:00:58 > 0:01:00and I've found the craziest fools you can imagine.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03I've found fools jumping off stuff.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06I've found fools breaking things.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08I've found fools crashing into other fools.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13I've found so many fools I'm amazed this planet is still turning.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16But enough of this jibber jabber. We can do small talk any time.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17I want to see some action!
0:01:23 > 0:01:27First up, we're going to see some people parking their cars
0:01:27 > 0:01:29in new and exciting ways.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Put on your seatbelt and strap yourself in.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34It's going to be a riot.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39You're looking at a parking lot in Ontario, Canada.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41The car's looking for somewhere to park.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44As you can see, there's lots of good spaces around.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49That ain't one of them!
0:01:49 > 0:01:52I like this guy - he thinks differently.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54"I ain't going to park where everybody else parks,
0:01:54 > 0:01:57"I'm going to park on top of another car."
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Here's a lady in France who's already parked.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05All she's got to do is reverse out.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Reverse? Who wants to reverse?
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Why go backwards when you can go forwards?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Next up, Finland.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24You can tell it's Finland because it's so cold.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26There ain't nobody outside.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31This guy's seeing what it's like to park in a big puddle.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34It's wet!
0:02:37 > 0:02:42Welcome to Spain, or as they say in Spain, "Welcome to Spain."
0:02:42 > 0:02:45That's what the English speaking people in Spain say anyhow.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49This lady is having trouble parking.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53I like her. You know why? Because she perseveres.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56You should never quit. Quitters never win.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06OK, lady, you should quit now.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Come on! You can get a tank in there!
0:03:09 > 0:03:13What do you do when you ain't got change for a parking meter?
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Boom!
0:03:17 > 0:03:20What does it look like from a different angle?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Similar.
0:03:23 > 0:03:28Our next piece of television is from right here in the UK.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31This fool has parked in a no parking zone,
0:03:31 > 0:03:33right in front of someone's garage.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38Here comes the owner. He's old and he's angry.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42What is he going to do?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44That's right.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46He's going to push that car right into the road.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50# Move, bitch, get out the way... #
0:03:50 > 0:03:52The message here, don't mess with this guy!
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Our next lesson comes from Poland.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Don't sneeze when you're at the wheel or this happens.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02# Get out the way, bitch, get out the way #
0:04:02 > 0:04:04# Move, bitch, get out the way
0:04:04 > 0:04:07# Get out the way bitch, get out the way... #
0:04:07 > 0:04:10She ain't going to have no trouble finding her car.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12"Where did I leave it again?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15"Oh, yeah, at the end of that massive trail of destruction."
0:04:19 > 0:04:22More parallel parking - this time from Russia.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37I'm starting to think bright yellow is a good colour for this lady's car.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41We can all see her and get out of the way when she's coming.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45# Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way, bitch... #
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Here's a tip.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50When you find your parking space,
0:04:50 > 0:04:54don't waste time with jibber jabber, otherwise this could happen.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I like this woman's style.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I also like her convertible. Convertibles are great.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20I like the feel of the wind rushing through my hair
0:05:20 > 0:05:22when I'm driving down the road.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23HE GRUNTS
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Next up, this happens.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30# Get out the way, bitch, Get out the way
0:05:30 > 0:05:34# Whoa, bitch, get out the way Get out the way, bitch... #
0:05:34 > 0:05:39That garage door closed too soon! It will not make that mistake again.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45OK, now that we know how not to park,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48let's find out where not to park.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Here's five places you shouldn't put a vehicle. Listen up.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Number one, on a boat.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06As a general rule, if you can hear seagulls and smell cod,
0:06:06 > 0:06:09it's probably not a good place to park.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Number two, in a pothole.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15If you find a pothole like this on your road,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17write a letter to the council.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Sign it "yours angrily" so they know you're angry.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Number three, on a house.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Next time you want to borrow a cup of sugar,
0:06:26 > 0:06:29just ring the doorbell like everyone else.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Number four, in the gutter.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35This may look like a good way to hide from traffic wardens,
0:06:35 > 0:06:37but it isn't.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40They'll find you and give you an extra big ticking off.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Number five, in a shop.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47It doesn't matter how much you want that can of fruity juice,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49if you can't find a parking space on the street,
0:06:49 > 0:06:53go back home and take the bus instead.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01Now, how many times have I got to tell you people? Crime don't pay!
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Now, this is you and this is Mr T.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08Now, if you do a crime, this is what's going to happen.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Now, only if these dummies had listened.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23London, England. This guy thinks he can walk in and rob a bank.
0:07:23 > 0:07:28Wrong! The alarm goes off and he tries to make a run for it.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32He doesn't realise that it's a pull door.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Watch when his hat comes off.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38There goes your disguise, sucker!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Here's another disguise.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51This crook has put a bag over his head.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Advantage, no-one knows who he is.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Disadvantage, he can't see.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01ALARM
0:08:01 > 0:08:05This guy turned out to be the security guard of the store.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07When your security guard needs a security guard,
0:08:07 > 0:08:12it's time to find a new security guard.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Here's another law-breaker
0:08:15 > 0:08:19who thinks he can take someone's money and get away with it.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25He's not happy with the dollar bills,
0:08:25 > 0:08:28he tries to steal the whole till.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Man, these guys make me so angry!
0:08:36 > 0:08:41I just want to reach into the television and give this guy a slap around the face.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49This is a Radio Shack in Indiana, USA.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51You don't have Radio Shack in Britain.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55You got Dixons and Curry's and PC World, but that's not the point.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58The point is this guy's trying to rob it,
0:08:58 > 0:09:03only he's too dumb to hold onto the money.
0:09:03 > 0:09:08Instead, he keeps dropping it all on the floor.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Now he lets it go all over the street outside.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19You better get better with your hands, sucker,
0:09:19 > 0:09:24cos where you're going you don't want to be dropping anything. Believe me!
0:09:26 > 0:09:29If you want to be a robber, here's a tip.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Get used to the sound of alarms.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32ALARM
0:09:32 > 0:09:37If they scare you, you're probably in the wrong line of business.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Look at this fool.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44He walks into the grocery store and starts waving a shotgun around.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Then he leaves the shotgun on the counter and the owner grabs it.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02It ain't no fun when the owner got the gun.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11This crook breaks in a door, runs in, grabs some money
0:10:11 > 0:10:14and then tries to run out a different door!
0:10:17 > 0:10:23All doors for this guy lead to the same place - jail!
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Those law-breaking fools deserve everything that's coming to them.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Have a listen to this.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34A man in Iran was arrested after
0:10:34 > 0:10:37one of the worst thought-through bank robberies in history.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41During one busy lunch-hour, the hapless thief entered the bank
0:10:41 > 0:10:45and began snatching money from customers' hands.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49He was quickly overpowered and the police were sent for.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53The man was surprised and confused to find himself arrested.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55As he later explained to the court,
0:10:55 > 0:11:00he had paid a wizard £290 to make him invisible,
0:11:00 > 0:11:04which should have allowed him to rob the bank to his heart's content.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Amazingly, the wizard's spell hadn't worked
0:11:06 > 0:11:10and the man instead found himself facing a long prison sentence.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Now, I know what you're thinking. In a world where criminals are this dumb,
0:11:17 > 0:11:21why don't they get caught all the time? Why ain't they in jail? Here's the answer.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33I like the police. They play a valuable role in society.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37They work hard to do that. In fact, they work so hard
0:11:37 > 0:11:40it's no wonder they make mistakes from time to time.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53This cop pulled the driver over for speeding.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57He's about to write him a ticket. Watch what happens next.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19That's right. He locks himself out of his car,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21then offers the driver a deal.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25"Drop me off at the police station and I'll forget about the ticket."
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Frisking is an important part of police work.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Just make sure when you're frisking someone
0:12:37 > 0:12:39you don't get too frisky yourself.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55This is all kinds of wrong.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Florida, USA.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05This is a Glock 40.
0:13:05 > 0:13:1150 Cent, Too Short, all of them talk about a Glock 40.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14OK, I'm the only one in this room professional enough
0:13:14 > 0:13:16and I know I'll be careful with the Glock 40.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18- I'm the only... - BANG!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Don't worry. Is everybody all right?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Let's hope he's not too sore in the morning.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29We're going to have to kick this door in.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Next up, a cop notices a house on fire.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36He decides the best way to alert the owners
0:13:36 > 0:13:38is by smashing all the windows in.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Police Department! Your house is on fire! Come out!
0:13:53 > 0:13:54Police Department!
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- What is the burning for? - I don't know. Come on out.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- Is there anybody else in the house with you?- No.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04We got the Fire Department on route. Come on out, ma'am.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08Unfortunately, he then finds out that he's been smashing
0:14:08 > 0:14:10the windows in the wrong house.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13OK, there's one occupant in the house. I'm getting her out right now.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16OK. That's the house next to it, Todd.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18The one that's on fire is over here.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24It's the house next door that's on fire. Error!
0:14:26 > 0:14:29He kicked the door in on the wrong house.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33I knocked all the windows out of this lady's house.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36I thought it was on fire but it turned out it was the house next to it.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40- How do we write this one up? - You're the supervisor, you tell me.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Well, I want to thank you for alerting me about the fire.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- Well, I...- Even though it wasn't my house.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50Our next clip comes from Russia.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54You can tell it's Russia because everyone is wearing a hat.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03These riot police have just loaded a couple of troublemakers into the back of a van.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06In a situation like this,
0:15:06 > 0:15:11you need discipline, control and tactics. You also need locks.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Where did they go?
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Costa Rica.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Take a look at these guys who think they're pretty tough.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Boom! Look after your head, people.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38It's where all the happy thoughts are made.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42This policeman pulled a guy over for reckless driving.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46He gets out of his cop car, but he forgets to put his handbrake on.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Morning. Can I see your driver's licence and insurance, please?
0:15:52 > 0:15:56I pulled you over to stop cutting corners... Oh, shit. Goddammit.
0:15:58 > 0:15:59Ah!
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Ah, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08SHIT!
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Goddammit! Son of a bitch!
0:16:12 > 0:16:16Don't worry. The guy in the other car ain't going nowhere.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18He's too busy laughing.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Whatever you've seen here today, you should respect the police.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24They have to deal with dumb people on a daily basis.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Take a listen to this.
0:17:00 > 0:17:05You see, people. That's why you need to pay attention at school.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07If you can't spell, you'll never excel!
0:17:16 > 0:17:18The human body is a beautiful thing.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Sometimes you just want to show it off.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24It doesn't always work out, though. Take a look at these sexy fools.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29RAP MUSIC
0:18:41 > 0:18:45The Netherlands in Holland.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Something exciting is about to go down.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52THEY SPEAK DUTCH
0:19:01 > 0:19:03THEY SHOUT IN DUTCH
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I guess we've all learned some Dutch today.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14San Francisco.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17This girl in the window is shaking her bootie to Lady Gaga.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20LOUD MUSIC
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Oh-ho, ho, ho!
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Her butt just broke the window.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Don't worry. She's still dancing. She's fine.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37It's the window pane that's in window pain.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Listen up, ladies. Gravity don't care how hot you are.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46You mess with gravity, you lose.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56I'll say stick to your day job.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00Unless your day job is pole dancing, in which case, give it up.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Hey, what's going on? This is...
0:20:04 > 0:20:07And finally, we are off to Jamaica to meet a man called Rick.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10His name is Rick and where you from, Rick?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11- Arizona.- Arizona.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15He's been a member of Hedonism II for how many years again?
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- Since 1988.- How many times you say you've been here?
0:20:18 > 0:20:1940 times.
0:20:19 > 0:20:2340 times. What brings you to Hedonism that many times?
0:20:23 > 0:20:28The wild women. The wild women, the ripping and the tearing, the ripping and the tearing.
0:20:28 > 0:20:33- That's what I'm talking about. - 'What!'- That's what I'm talking about. So what have you done to...
0:20:33 > 0:20:36There's no other place in this universe like Hedonism II.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39None. None. You hear that? You hear that?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41You hear that? Do your dance. Do your dance.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44MUSIC
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Do you see this is a... This is a...
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Now, ladies... I mean, I can't comment, but...
0:21:02 > 0:21:06I got nothing to say...
0:21:06 > 0:21:09For more of Hedonism II. Be there.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Ripping and tearing!
0:21:13 > 0:21:15I'll be ripping and tearing my eyes out
0:21:15 > 0:21:17so I don't have to watch that any more.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20But let's not judge these sexy fools.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23I guess some people are just lonely. Have a listen to this.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26PHONE RINGS
0:22:19 > 0:22:21DIALLING TONE
0:22:23 > 0:22:27That woman was arrested and charged with wasting police time.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30She got a date all right - a date with justice.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36That was exciting... What's next?
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Now if you ever worked in a warehouse,
0:23:43 > 0:23:47you'll know that driving a forklift ain't easy, unless you're me of course.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50But then, I can drive anything cos I'm Mr T.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54But for those of you who ain't Mr T, here's the rules for forklift fools.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Rule number one - don't go messing around and breaking stuff.
0:24:07 > 0:24:12Rule number two - don't go driving your forklift through a space
0:24:12 > 0:24:14you ain't going to be able to drive it through.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29Looks like now would be a good time to take lunch.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45Rule number three - this is a serious piece of machinery, don't go showing off.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Luckily, he was wearing his high visibility jacket
0:24:57 > 0:24:59so we all saw him land on his butt.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Rule number four - if you're loading up a truck,
0:25:05 > 0:25:08make sure the truck knows you're loading up the truck
0:25:08 > 0:25:11so it doesn't drive away and leave you on your face.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Rule number five - forklifts work better when standing up.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33They ain't so good on their sides.
0:25:42 > 0:25:48Rule number six - don't go driving indoors with your forks up. This fool did.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54And now look at him. He's set off the sprinklers.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02I was only going to do six rules,
0:26:02 > 0:26:06but this guy is making so many errors I'm going to have to add another one.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Rule seven - be careful when using ladders.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Rule eight - don't mess around with things you don't know about.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Don't be this guy, just be someone else. It's easier.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40Rule nine - keep your foot away from the accelerator.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01Were fools born that way?
0:27:02 > 0:27:08No, some were born losers, lunatics, jerks, idiots, morons,
0:27:08 > 0:27:12suckers, dimwits, nitwits, halfwits, misfits,
0:27:12 > 0:27:15derelicts, dingbats, bimbos, winos, weirdoes.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17That's right!
0:27:19 > 0:27:24That's the end of the show. Did you enjoy it? Say yes. Good.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Before I let you leave, I would like to share my final thought.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Wise men talk because they have something to say.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Fools talk because they have to say something.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36See you next time. So long, suckers.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41# I pity the fool
0:27:43 > 0:27:46# I said I pity the fool
0:27:49 > 0:27:54# Well, I pity the fool, yeah
0:27:56 > 0:28:00# I said I pity the fool
0:28:04 > 0:28:07# That falls in love with you
0:28:07 > 0:28:09# And expects you to be true
0:28:09 > 0:28:12# Oh, I pity the fool... #
0:28:17 > 0:28:21Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:21 > 0:28:24E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk