0:00:02 > 0:00:05The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,
0:00:07 > 0:00:11you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Mr T is on a special mission.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18He's been searching far and wide,
0:00:18 > 0:00:22assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.
0:00:22 > 0:00:27People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30People who dare to do things differently.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34People who aren't afraid to ask questions like,
0:00:34 > 0:00:35can I fit in that?
0:00:35 > 0:00:41What's through that door? And, do I really need a parachute?
0:00:41 > 0:00:45He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49He's found the world's craziest fools.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Welcome to my show.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Today we got fools from all over the world.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57That's right, no-one's safe.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00You think you're safe in Poland? Wrong.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03You think you're safe in Canada? Incorrect.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06You think you're safe in Scotland? Yeah, I'm talking to you,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09hiding up there in John O'Groats. Wait till you see what's coming.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11First have a look at this.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20If you like to drink, sometimes it's hard to know when to stop.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24The correct answer is, about ten drinks before any of these guys.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Take a look at this.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35This lady was pulled over for erratic driving.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38The police officer lets her off with a caution.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Caution!
0:01:42 > 0:01:44You think she deserves only a caution?
0:01:44 > 0:01:46You ain't even seen what she's capable of!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Take a look at this.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53MUSIC: "Danger (Been So Long) by Mystikal ft Nivea
0:02:04 > 0:02:06What a fool!
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Look at this drunk fool.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13He's been arrested and brought to the police station for questioning.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Fool!
0:02:26 > 0:02:29He's not even in prison yet and he's already trying to bust out.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Nice try, Shortcake!
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39The Netherlands in Holland.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41LAUGHTER
0:02:41 > 0:02:43This guy's having trouble parking.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53He's parking it, right?
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Now, I am a self-made, self-trained, self-taught
0:03:02 > 0:03:05and self-educated man in the field of foolishness.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09I hold three doctor's degrees in the study of foolology
0:03:09 > 0:03:13and I know a fool when I see one, and this guy's a fool.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Aagghh!
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Mr T's got a little game for you now.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29It's called Spot The Drunk Guy.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30I'll give you a clue.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33It's him!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36"Dude, where's my car?"
0:03:37 > 0:03:40It's the big metal thing at the end of your face.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Here's a guy who had one too many beers and five too many tequilas.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49The police have asked him to walk a straight line.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Can he do it?
0:03:59 > 0:04:00No!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Don't give me no back talk, sucker,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06and don't give me no back flip either.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11Guess what. It's another loser been driving drunk.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Let's see if this one can walk a straight line.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Hold on to the end of that tape for me, real tight?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Now, can we set that on the ground right there in front of you.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Ooh!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Whoa. He can't even stand up.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29You know you're drunk when the ground walks up to you
0:04:29 > 0:04:31and punches you in the face.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Serbia. This old-timer been given the breathalyser.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Poor guy, he thinks it's another bottle.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43OFFICER LAUGHS
0:04:45 > 0:04:46I love these cops.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49They can't even arrest him! They're laughing too hard.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54OK, enough laughing officers, arrest that man, he's dangerous!
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Up next...
0:05:56 > 0:05:58This could go on for hours.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Let's stop watching this and watch something else.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11This guy's so drunk he has driven into a liquor store.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15I'm not sure this guy needs any more liquor.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Seems like he's in enough trouble already.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Here's a little message for you - stay alive, don't drink and drive.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28I made a rhyme, so even someone as stupid as you should remember.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34What do you do if you see a drunk driver? That's right.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37You call the police and report it.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40If you can't get through to the police, then you call up Mr T.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Either way, you get on the phone and you tell someone.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45DIALLING TONE
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Now take a look at these fools.
0:07:37 > 0:07:43MUSIC: "Smash Somethin'" by Redman
0:09:37 > 0:09:40I used to be in the army and I know that even the best soldiers
0:09:40 > 0:09:43can have a bad day from time to time.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Take a look at these guys.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47MIMICS GUNFIRE
0:10:01 > 0:10:04MUSIC: "Firework" by Katy Perry
0:10:04 > 0:10:07This is a Greek soldier from Greeceland.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09He's doing some regular training exercise
0:10:09 > 0:10:11when a friend comes along to join him.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18Check out this dog.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23He's got a lot of love to give and there ain't nothing wrong with that.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31You should always be ready to receive love,
0:10:31 > 0:10:33no matter what you doing.
0:10:36 > 0:10:41Inside this truck there's a soldier messing with a tear gas canister
0:10:41 > 0:10:42he shouldn't be messing with.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Remember, these canisters are not designed for fun.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56It's tear gas, not smart gas.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59You let it off, you're going to do some cries.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05A missile test on the back of a US navy aircraft carrier.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Three, two, one.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Weapon...
0:11:11 > 0:11:12What the...?!
0:11:12 > 0:11:16If they need that thing fixing, they know where to reach me.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21The first casualty of war is innocence, the second is this guy.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Let's hope he's not too sore in the morning.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Next up, this happened.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35You've got to try and make it.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37If you go quick, you'll be fine.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Go faster, faster, faster. Go!
0:11:43 > 0:11:46LAUGHTER
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Look out for your head, people,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50it's where all the happy thoughts are made.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Here's some soldiers doing some RPG training.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Keep your eye on the one on the end.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16Don't worry, soldier. I don't blame you, I blame the gun.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20That weapon is a disgrace to its country. It should be ashamed!
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Up next...
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Keep practising and you will get there one day.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34I don't know where there is, but you'll get there!
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Welcome to Russia.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58I'm speechless. I don't often say that.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04I've seen enough.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05End this.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Here's some soldiers
0:13:09 > 0:13:12trying to do some synchronised jumping jacks.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16Moving quickly and warily is the best way to distract your enemy.
0:13:16 > 0:13:17One, two, three. One, two, three.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Ain't no way they'll get you
0:13:19 > 0:13:21if you jumping up and down and acting crazy.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23One, two, three, four.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26How many times do I have to tell you people?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28I don't like getting on planes.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29This is why.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Does this look like fun to you?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Tell me, does it look like fun?
0:13:39 > 0:13:40This is not fun.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45This is why I stick to boats, cars and trains.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52He's free now. He's going to land safely, but I prefer the bus.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58As you can see, it's tough in the army.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02Here's five tips on how to be a good soldier.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Number one,
0:14:09 > 0:14:12don't let children play with your weapons.
0:14:12 > 0:14:17They may look sweet and innocent, but they can turn at any time.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Number two,
0:14:19 > 0:14:21always be prepared to improvise.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23If you run out of sandbags,
0:14:23 > 0:14:26grab the nearest sand-coloured thing and jump on its back.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Number three,
0:14:28 > 0:14:31keep your mind on the job at all times.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Yes, that goes for you too, tiny man in the middle.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Number four,
0:14:38 > 0:14:41if you're going on a long journey, don't forget to fill up on petrol.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43You at the back, stop pretending to push.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Throw your weight into it, man.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Number five,
0:14:48 > 0:14:49when serving in a foreign country,
0:14:49 > 0:14:52try to form a strong relationship with the locals.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Sometimes you have to go above and beyond the call of duty
0:14:55 > 0:14:57to help them feel at ease.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05If you can't handle that
0:15:05 > 0:15:08then maybe you're not cut out to be a soldier.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19MUSIC: "Dirty Face" by Example
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Aargh!
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!
0:17:18 > 0:17:20That was exciting! What's next?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22DIALLING TONE
0:18:26 > 0:18:30Now, I'm tough, but even I would be hesitant about going ten rounds
0:18:30 > 0:18:31in the ring with that guy.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Only kidding. I would eat him alive.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36When is it happening? Bring it on!
0:18:41 > 0:18:45Now, anyone who knows Mr T, knows I don't like criminals.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46They make me mad.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Other things that make me mad include pollution,
0:18:50 > 0:18:51raisins in my salad
0:18:51 > 0:18:55and people who interrupt me when I'm watching A Team re-runs.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58But none of those things make me as mad as criminals.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Take a look at these losers.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03MUSIC: "Beautiful Nightmare" by Beyonce
0:19:03 > 0:19:07This guy's been caught on camera breaking into a golf shack.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Once he's in, he can't get back out.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Why are you trying to open that window?
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Let me tell you what it's going to be like in prison.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24It's going to be hard, lonely.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29And some big guys are going to come up to you, and tell you
0:19:29 > 0:19:34they want to be your friends, but you want to stay away from them.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35I got carried away.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38The point is, don't steal stuff.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Florida, USA.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Here's another lawbreaker
0:19:46 > 0:19:49who thinks he can take someone's money and get away with it.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03Now he can't get out.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16What a fool!
0:20:22 > 0:20:27Seems like this guy hates being trapped in a room.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30It could be worse. I could be in there with him.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Here's another dumb criminal.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Of course he's dumb, all criminals are dumb.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39This one walks into a bank in Arkansas
0:20:39 > 0:20:42and hands over a note demanding money.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45He obviously didn't do his homework,
0:20:45 > 0:20:49cos he doesn't notice there's a cop sitting right behind him.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06That's right.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10The two of them are going to tango all the way to the police station.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21This is a pharmacy in Florida.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Looks like crime figures are through the roof again.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Fools profess to be wise, but they are ignorant.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39They can't do no better because they don't know no better.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43They are fools. The mind is a terrible thing to waste,
0:21:43 > 0:21:46and fools, they have wasted theirs.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00This guy had better head straight to the aspirin aisle
0:22:00 > 0:22:03because he's going to have a huge headache in the morning.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- POLICE RADIO: - 'Disregard the call.'
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Here's a burglar trying to escape the law by climbing a fence.
0:22:15 > 0:22:20This is the definition of being caught with your pants down.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24You dumb fool.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Check this out.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31A burglar breaks into a store by smashing the door on the left.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Then he tries to leave through the door on the right.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42If you listen to your parents, you would know wrong from right. Toerag!
0:22:46 > 0:22:51It never fails to amaze me how dumb criminals can be.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53You think you've seen the dumbest,
0:22:53 > 0:22:56then someone even dumber comes along and out-dumbs them.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Like this guy.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03A woman from Pennsylvania
0:23:03 > 0:23:06came home one evening to find her house had been burgled.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10Her windows were smashed and two diamond rings,
0:23:10 > 0:23:13worth more than 3,000, had gone missing.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15The woman was completely distraught
0:23:15 > 0:23:19until she noticed that her computer was switched on.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22It seemed the burglar had taken a break from robbing
0:23:22 > 0:23:25to surf the internet and check his Facebook account.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28He'd then forgotten to log off before he left.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32Police had no trouble tracking him down.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35The hapless but socially connected burglar
0:23:35 > 0:23:38now faces up to ten years behind bars.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40HE LAUGHS
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Seriously, don't mess with the law.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Germany.
0:23:52 > 0:23:57This guy thinks he can break the world record for smashing coconuts.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19My advice - stick to peaches or bananas,
0:24:19 > 0:24:20or maybe plums.
0:24:20 > 0:24:26Basically any soft fruit. It takes strong fists to defeat hard fruit.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Taekwondo.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34This man is about to unleash some fury
0:24:34 > 0:24:36upon a bunch of cinder blocks that were asking for it.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Come on, man.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Hurt those cinder blocks. They are mocking you.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49They are calling you names. Make them taste your pain.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54He's showing them mercy.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56That's the true sign of a champion.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Sometime it takes more strength just to walk away.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Time for some more tae.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Work the shin, OK?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Work the shin.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Take it away, champ.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18OK, we try one more time.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Aagghh, cha!
0:25:28 > 0:25:29Doesn't want to break, huh?
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Hey, who's back there in the background?
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Is that you, Balboa?
0:25:34 > 0:25:38I want you, Balboa. You owe me a rematch.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Grrr! You're still dead meat. Grrrr!
0:25:44 > 0:25:45Aaah!
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Agghh, ya!
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Anyway...
0:25:51 > 0:25:54This guy, he's the master of suspense.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Look at him teasing us.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Stop teasing us and show me some anger!
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Ah!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Conclusion...
0:26:32 > 0:26:34unsuccessful.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Watch out for the guy in the background.
0:26:49 > 0:26:54Did you see him? Of course you did, because I told you.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Listening to Mr T always pays off.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59That's the end of the show.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Some of you are going to turn off your TVs and go to bed,
0:27:02 > 0:27:04because you're good people
0:27:04 > 0:27:06and you appreciate the benefit of a early night.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09But before you do, here's my final thought.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Whatever you do, make sure you've got a plan.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14If you fail to plan, you planning to fail.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18See you next time. So long, suckers.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Grrrr!
0:27:19 > 0:27:22# Well, I pity the fool... #
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Gaaah! Uh! Uh! Uh!
0:27:29 > 0:27:33# You know, I pity the fool
0:27:35 > 0:27:38# I said, I pity the fool
0:27:40 > 0:27:43# She'll break your heart one day
0:27:43 > 0:27:46# Then she'll laugh as she walks away
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# Yeah, I pity the fool
0:27:50 > 0:27:52# Well, look at the people
0:27:52 > 0:27:55# Makes you wonder what they're doing
0:27:56 > 0:27:58# They're just standing there... #
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:01 > 0:28:04E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk