0:00:02 > 0:00:05The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,
0:00:08 > 0:00:12you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Mr T is on a special mission.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19He's been searching far and wide, assembling an army
0:00:19 > 0:00:23of extraordinary individuals.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30People who dare to do things differently.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34People who aren't afraid to ask questions like,
0:00:34 > 0:00:35"Can I fit in that?"
0:00:35 > 0:00:38"What's through that door?"
0:00:38 > 0:00:41and "Do I really need a parachute?"
0:00:41 > 0:00:45he's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48He's found the world's craziest fools.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54What are you looking at?
0:00:54 > 0:00:57I'll tell you what you're looking at - me, on TV.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Here's what's on my show today.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Fools jumping off boats, fools playing with fire,
0:01:03 > 0:01:06fools climbing into things they shouldn't be climbing into.
0:01:06 > 0:01:11The adventure starts here. It's going to be fun, it'll be wild.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Let's get this party started.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21What do you know about fire?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I'll tell you what I know about fire. It's hot,
0:01:23 > 0:01:27it's hard to control and it has a terrible sense of humour.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Here it is, playing mean jokes on a bunch of chumps.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33What happens when you play with matches?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41That's right! You get burned.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44And you can cause an explosion.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Explosions are not your friends, people.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Explosions only want to do one thing and that's hurt you.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54If you see an explosion coming, get out of the way!
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Yeah, yeah!
0:01:56 > 0:02:00HE SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go!
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Lighting a bonfire can be a great spectacle
0:02:05 > 0:02:09for your family and friends.
0:02:09 > 0:02:14Why not make it even more exciting by combining it with a little dance?
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Woah! Woah!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19SCREAMING
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Run away!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28LAUGHTER
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Woo!
0:02:36 > 0:02:37What's going on here?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42This looks like a bad idea.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46SCREAMING
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Oh, my God!
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Remember, it ain't no game if it ends with the flame.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Oh, my (BEEP) God!
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- Hey!- I'm on fire, baby!
0:03:09 > 0:03:12You dumb fool! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Next up, Texas.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16It'll be fine.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20This man is lighting a bonfire.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Also, he's creating a great show
0:03:22 > 0:03:25for the people in the aeroplanes flying overhead.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Oh!
0:03:26 > 0:03:29LAUGHTER
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Oh, my God!
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Their flight to Venezuela just got a whole lot better.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40LAUGHTER
0:03:40 > 0:03:41Oh, my God!
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Are you all together? - Yeah, I might have lost an eyebrow.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49- Are you all right?- Yeah, I'm fine.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Now, take a look at these fools.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56HE SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Oh!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05This is all kinds of wrong.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06Oh! Oh!
0:04:11 > 0:04:15If you walk among the wise, you become wise.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18If you walk among the tough, you become tough.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21But if you walk among the fools, you become a fool.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Now listen to this true story.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34A fun day out at Illawarra Park in Australia was ruined
0:04:34 > 0:04:35when one 26-year-old man
0:04:35 > 0:04:37got the wrong end of the stick.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Having heard it was possible to light a firecracker
0:04:40 > 0:04:43from in between the cheeks of your buttocks,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46he thought it would be a good idea to give it a go.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Unfortunately, he put the firecracker in
0:04:48 > 0:04:51the wrong way round.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53The rocket exploded up his rear end.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56An ambulance was called and the man survived,
0:04:56 > 0:05:00though his injuries would forever be a pain in the backside.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03The acting senior sergeant of the local police said,
0:05:03 > 0:05:05"We do caution people against these acts."
0:05:10 > 0:05:14We've just seen that fire and alcohol is not a good combination.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Alcohol and alcohol are not a good combination either.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Time to see some dumb drunks.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29A lot of people drink to forget. Well, I got news for you.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32No matter how much you drink, you're never going to forget
0:05:32 > 0:05:34doing stupid stuff like this.
0:05:35 > 0:05:40Here's a guy who had too much beer.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42He's attempting to buy more beer.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48He really doesn't need more beer.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Luckily for him, his legs and his arms are aware of the problem.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10They're doing everything they can to prevent him
0:06:10 > 0:06:12from getting any more beer.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24The human body is a wonderful thing. It never ceases to amaze me.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Most people go for a drink after work,
0:06:32 > 0:06:36but this guy in Poland is trying a different approach.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39He's seeing what it's like to have a few drinks BEFORE he goes to work.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41LAUGHTER
0:06:41 > 0:06:44THEY SPEAK POLISH
0:06:48 > 0:06:50I could have told him what it's like.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53It's like all kinds of stupid.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56If you have a job, it's important. He shouldn't be going
0:06:56 > 0:06:58to work drunk, he should be going to work alert.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Here's a guy who's dressed as Santa Claus.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09He's drunk and he's out of control.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Boom!
0:07:19 > 0:07:23It could be worse. He could be out on his sleigh,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26posing a dangerous hazard to people in the sky.
0:07:35 > 0:07:40What do you call two drunk Russians, rolling around in the mud?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I call it friendship.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49It's a beautiful thing. I could watch this for hours.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11I've seen enough. End this!
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Is there a quicker way to put on your helmet
0:08:14 > 0:08:17than the traditional method?
0:08:20 > 0:08:24This Ukrainian guy is trying to find out.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34It might be time to give up now.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36I don't think that breakthrough is coming.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Take a look at this drunk guy.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43He's trying to put his trousers on where his shirt should be.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49LAUGHTER
0:08:49 > 0:08:51They're laughing at him, but so what?
0:08:51 > 0:08:55They laughed at Columbus when he said the earth was round.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56In a hundred years' time,
0:08:56 > 0:09:00we might all be wearing our trousers on our arms.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Here's a couple of drunk ladies taking it out on each other
0:09:07 > 0:09:08with their handbags.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21It's good to get grievances off your chest,
0:09:21 > 0:09:24but make sure you stay in control.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Anger - use it, but don't lose it.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Up next, this.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34All right, mate?
0:09:34 > 0:09:38How are ya? Not good?
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Too much drinking?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42LAUGHTER
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Too much drinking, eh?
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Oh, woah, woah!
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Be careful!
0:09:50 > 0:09:53How do you test the strength of a fence?
0:09:53 > 0:09:57This drunken Australian guy knows exactly how.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59LAUGHTER
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Now we know exactly how strong it is -
0:10:06 > 0:10:09not quite strong enough to lean on.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Now take a listen to this phone call.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21TELEPHONE RINGS
0:11:39 > 0:11:43Listen up, people. The police are there for emergencies only.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Use them, don't abuse them.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56England. This guy dived into a drain
0:11:56 > 0:12:00when his best friend dropped his keys down there. Now he's stuck.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06I like this guy's loyalty. He can be my friend.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10He can come over my house and we can play football together.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12How weird!
0:12:12 > 0:12:17Here's a kid stuck in a sink hole at the end of his garden.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21LAUGHTER
0:12:25 > 0:12:28I like it when young 'uns offer to help with the gardening.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31It's good for them to be outside in the fresh air.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33I'm getting cramp in my toes!
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Alan Titchmarsh would be proud.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38- Come on, get out. - Get me out!
0:12:38 > 0:12:43This lady has climbed into a tumble dryer. Now she can't get out again.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44LAUGHTER
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Shove your butt the other way.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Hey, lady. What are you doing in there?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53You doing your laundry? That's responsible.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Climbing into a dryer? That's just dumb.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59- You have to rotate your butt. - I (BEEP) can't!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- Pull your butt in.- I can't!
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Give me your hand.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- It's going to hurt, it's going to hurt.- No.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07I can't do it!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Put your head back in there.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Wait a little... Ah, come on, wait!
0:13:13 > 0:13:15LAUGHTER
0:13:15 > 0:13:17She almost got it.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Oh, my God! This was (BEEP) hilarious.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Ta-da!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Don't ever dare me to get in the trash can...
0:13:33 > 0:13:36I mean, the (BEEP) dryer again!
0:13:36 > 0:13:40This lady is stuck down a big hole.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I don't know why she's down there,
0:13:42 > 0:13:44but I'll assume there was a good reason.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51Maybe she's digging for some buried treasure.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Maybe she's building herself a hot tub.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Or maybe she forgot where she parked her car.
0:13:57 > 0:13:58You can get up.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Anyway, that's detail.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02I can't go like this!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04The point is, she's down a hole.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08- You've got to scoot towards me some more.- Mom, I know!
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- Well, have a rest for a minute.- I'll have a seizure if you don't stop!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14OK, this is my second attempt.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18Here's a question. Can a man fit inside of a balloon?
0:14:23 > 0:14:26I didn't say it was a good question.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Anyway, we are moments away from knowing the answer.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Oh, forgot the glasses.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34They've got to come off.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Well, my head's inside.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43ABC, Always Be Cool.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47DEF, Don't Entertain Fools.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Woah!
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Darn it!
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Where's Wesley when you need him?
0:14:54 > 0:14:58(BEEP)
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Oh, great. I'm becoming trapped in the balloon.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Trapped! Oh, I hate this!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Hnngh!
0:15:11 > 0:15:13What a fool!
0:15:13 > 0:15:18If climbing inside a balloon isn't your bag, take a look at this.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20It's some fools blowing up smaller balloons
0:15:20 > 0:15:22and pulling them on their heads.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24OK.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28I'm really bored. I was hanging out with Michael and Rashid earlier
0:15:28 > 0:15:32and Rashid carries condoms
0:15:32 > 0:15:33in his pocket.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Here it is!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38I'm going to put it on my head.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42# Rubber ball I come bouncing back to you
0:15:42 > 0:15:46# Rubber ball I come bouncing back to you
0:15:48 > 0:15:51# I'm like a rubber ball, baby
0:15:51 > 0:15:53# That's all I am to you
0:15:53 > 0:15:55# Bouncy bouncy, bouncy bouncy
0:15:55 > 0:15:58# Just a rubber ball... #
0:16:02 > 0:16:04LAUGHTER
0:16:09 > 0:16:11SHE EXHALES
0:16:12 > 0:16:14LAUGHTER
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Ah!
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Some people can't run as fast as me. That's why, back in the '80s,
0:16:49 > 0:16:52I invented something called a motorway. You may have heard of it.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56It's a big road where people drive real fast and crazy stuff happens.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Take a look at this.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Keep your eye on the car in front.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09It's got a interesting passenger in the back seat.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13- Yeah, there's a horse in the car. - Smile, horsey!
0:17:15 > 0:17:17- There's a horse in the car! - I like this horse.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20I like the look on his face.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23"Yeah, I'm a horse and I'm in a car.
0:17:23 > 0:17:28"What's the big deal? You don't expect me to take the bus, did you?"
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Next up, this.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35We're driving on the freeway and I looked over...
0:17:36 > 0:17:40..and this guy's reading a book.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Wait...
0:17:44 > 0:17:46LAUGHTER
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- Is that a (BEEP) iPad? - I think it's a Kindle.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Is it a Kindle and a book?
0:17:52 > 0:17:56The only way this is OK is if this guy's reading The Highway Code.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58LAUGHTER
0:17:58 > 0:18:00No way!
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Turn to page 35, fool.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05You'll see what you doing is illegal.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Albania.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19This guy is seeing what it's like without tyres on his wheels.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Looks like it's working for him.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25I'd like to see what other bits in the car he could do without.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Doors? Don't need 'em.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Seats? Get rid of them. Radio?
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Actually, let's keep the radio.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35I'm enjoying listening to Olly Murs.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42This truck driver is tired of being weighed down by his heavy load.
0:18:46 > 0:18:51That's better. Now he'll get to his destination twice as fast.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54He's freed up some time for a quick workout.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58I hate waiting in line for toll booths.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02This guy does too.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05"What happened to the other car?"
0:19:05 > 0:19:09"Forget about the other car. I'm here now, deal with me."
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Don't worry, everyone's OK.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20You know what gets me about motorways?
0:19:20 > 0:19:21There's nowhere to pull over.
0:19:21 > 0:19:26What do you do if you want to stop and have a snack?
0:19:26 > 0:19:30That's it, just park right there in the middle of the roundabout.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Nice thinking.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Welcome to the USA. Keep your eye on the bridge.
0:19:41 > 0:19:47Congratulations, sir. You now own the world's first convertible lorry.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Just because you're sitting in the car,
0:19:54 > 0:19:57doesn't mean you can't catch up on your exercise.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59This guy's showing how to work those triceps,
0:19:59 > 0:20:02while also keeping your windshield nice and clean.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15This guy's using a long journey to answer a stupid question.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19What's better, inside the car or outside the car?
0:20:24 > 0:20:28Inside the car is warmer and has snacks in the glove compartment.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Outside of the car, there's no snacks.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33No snacks, no contest.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Some of those drivers will have pretty interesting stories
0:20:38 > 0:20:41to tell their insurance companies, but they are no match for these.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Here's five dumb motor insurance claims. Listen up!
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Number 1.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00I was going at 80 miles per hour, when my girlfriend reached over
0:21:00 > 0:21:03and grabbed my testicles, which caused me to lose control.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05HORN HONKING
0:21:06 > 0:21:07Number two.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I blew my horn, which didn't work
0:21:09 > 0:21:11because it had been stolen.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Number three.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Coming home, I drove into the wrong house
0:21:18 > 0:21:21and collided with a tree I haven't got.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Number four.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Well, to avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front,
0:21:28 > 0:21:30- I struck a pedestrian.- Argh!
0:21:32 > 0:21:33Number five.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
0:21:45 > 0:21:50Remember, people. The best insurance policy you could ever buy is safety.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04LAUGHTER
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Close your eyes.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13I want you to imagine you're on a boat in the middle of the sea.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16The water is rocking you from side to side,
0:24:16 > 0:24:18the wind is rushing through your Mohawk.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20How do you feel?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Pretty peaceful? Wrong!
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Danger can strike at any time. You're never safe on a boat.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Shouldn't have closed your eyes in the first place.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Here's some rules for boating fools.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Rule number one, take care when docking your boat.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49If you're not sure what land is, it's the brown stuff.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53It comes after the blue stuff.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Rule number two...
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Ooh!
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Be careful when moving about your boat.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Ooh! Are you all right?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Rule number three.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Be careful when jumping into the sea.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Rule number four, wear a lifejacket at all times.
0:25:20 > 0:25:25You never know when the sea will claim you.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Rule number five, don't drive your boat into another boat.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40He's a wrecking machine!
0:25:40 > 0:25:44He will knock you into tomorrow! Huh!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Rule number six, boat time and disco time
0:25:49 > 0:25:51are two separate times.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56They should not mix.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Oh, (BEEP)!
0:26:02 > 0:26:06Don't take a cruise on a ship of fools.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Being on a boat can bring out the fool in you.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Sometimes it can bring out the fool in you
0:26:15 > 0:26:18before you even made it to the sea. Listen to this.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24On Lake Isabella in California,
0:26:24 > 0:26:27a woman appeared to be having problems with her new boat.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Having launched it into the water,
0:26:29 > 0:26:32she found the 22-foot yacht sluggish
0:26:32 > 0:26:35and difficult to manoeuvre.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38No matter how much throttle she applied, it wouldn't go faster.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Seeing her having trouble, one of the marina workers
0:26:41 > 0:26:44offered to jump into the water and check the underside of her boat.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48When he resurfaced, he almost choked
0:26:48 > 0:26:50because he was laughing so hard.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Under the boat, strapped securely in place,
0:26:53 > 0:26:55was the woman's car.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57She had forgotten to unattach the trailer.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Pretty wild stuff, huh?
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Those last fools got me to thinking about my final thought
0:27:05 > 0:27:08and here it is. You can't stop the waves,
0:27:08 > 0:27:10but you can learn to surf.
0:27:10 > 0:27:11Think about it!
0:27:11 > 0:27:15See you next time. So long, suckers. Huh!
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:57 > 0:27:59E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk