Episode 5

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0:00:02 > 0:00:05The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

0:00:05 > 0:00:07Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

0:00:07 > 0:00:11you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

0:00:14 > 0:00:17Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

0:00:17 > 0:00:21He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools -

0:00:21 > 0:00:24those people with a lack of common sense,

0:00:24 > 0:00:27a terrifying disregard for health and safety,

0:00:27 > 0:00:31and whose favourite question is what's the worst that can happen?

0:00:31 > 0:00:32And you loved it.

0:00:32 > 0:00:37But now, you want more and you want them crazier and even more foolish.

0:00:37 > 0:00:38So, once again,

0:00:38 > 0:00:42Mr T has delivered an array of the world's least talented people.

0:00:45 > 0:00:49This is the World's Craziest Fools -

0:00:49 > 0:00:50Return Of The Fools.

0:00:54 > 0:00:59Hey, you. What are you doing for the next half an hour? I'll tell you.

0:00:59 > 0:01:01You're watching me on BBC Three.

0:01:01 > 0:01:04So don't even think about changing to the Fishing Channel

0:01:04 > 0:01:08or that Quiz TV, or the Yorkshire Pudding Network,

0:01:08 > 0:01:12or whatever else you got over there. Put your remote down.

0:01:12 > 0:01:14Have a look at these stupid fools instead.

0:01:23 > 0:01:27They say the most important thing about sports is taking part.

0:01:27 > 0:01:28But they are wrong.

0:01:28 > 0:01:31The most important thing is protective headgear

0:01:31 > 0:01:33and a nearby ambulance.

0:01:33 > 0:01:34Watch these clips.

0:01:35 > 0:01:39This fool was trying to combine his favourite two sports -

0:01:39 > 0:01:41golf and swimming.

0:01:42 > 0:01:43Oh!

0:01:45 > 0:01:49He's become his very own water hazard. I pity him.

0:01:51 > 0:01:55This is a new sport called ball in the face.

0:01:57 > 0:02:00It's a short game but a fun one for the kicker.

0:02:01 > 0:02:03Not so much for the in-the-face guy.

0:02:04 > 0:02:06Next up, pole vaulting.

0:02:06 > 0:02:08This guy jumps over the bar,

0:02:08 > 0:02:12then gets hit by the pole in an unfortunate place.

0:02:15 > 0:02:18There are no fortunate places to be hit by a pole,

0:02:18 > 0:02:20but that's especially unfortunate.

0:02:22 > 0:02:24This kid's trash-talking a punching bag.

0:02:26 > 0:02:30And that's what you get when you trash-talk a punching bag.

0:02:36 > 0:02:38You know you ain't cut out for running

0:02:38 > 0:02:41if there's no-one else in the race and you still lose.

0:02:41 > 0:02:43Jesus Christ!

0:02:43 > 0:02:44Mini golf.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50If this was a rom-com,

0:02:50 > 0:02:52those two were going to fall in love.

0:02:53 > 0:02:55But it ain't, it's real life,

0:02:55 > 0:02:59so she went to the hospital and he went to jail.

0:02:59 > 0:03:01The end.

0:03:01 > 0:03:03Now gymnastics.

0:03:03 > 0:03:05The thing about crash mats

0:03:05 > 0:03:08is they only help the bits of you that land on them.

0:03:08 > 0:03:10Don't worry, he's OK.

0:03:12 > 0:03:15If you want to be good at sports, you've got to stay focused.

0:03:18 > 0:03:21The middle of the race ain't no time for taking a bath.

0:03:23 > 0:03:25Sports first, bath time later.

0:03:28 > 0:03:30Here we go, here we go, come on.

0:03:30 > 0:03:31Weightlifting now.

0:03:31 > 0:03:35Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up. Yeah, there it is.

0:03:35 > 0:03:39If you can't lift a big weight, it's time to hit the dumbbells.

0:03:51 > 0:03:52Here's a good workout rule.

0:03:52 > 0:03:55If the machine you are using is smarter than you,

0:03:55 > 0:03:57get out of the gym.

0:03:59 > 0:04:01Hurdling.

0:04:01 > 0:04:04If you want to get better at sports, what's the harm in practising?

0:04:06 > 0:04:08That's the harm.

0:04:08 > 0:04:10Right there, between his legs.

0:04:12 > 0:04:14Here's three fools having a kick around.

0:04:17 > 0:04:19Boom! Right in the Hacky Sack.

0:04:23 > 0:04:27If this guy don't end up on his face, I'll eat my shoes.

0:04:30 > 0:04:31I'm going to eat my shoes anyway.

0:04:31 > 0:04:34I am hungry and it's two hours till lunch.

0:04:55 > 0:04:56Jousting.

0:04:58 > 0:05:00This guy's so bad at it,

0:05:00 > 0:05:03he don't even have a horse or a shield or an opponent.

0:05:04 > 0:05:06This is some bad jousting.

0:05:08 > 0:05:09Hammer time.

0:05:09 > 0:05:13There's only one thing you've got to remember in the hammer throw

0:05:13 > 0:05:14and that's to throw the hammer.

0:05:16 > 0:05:20If your mind can't hold that one piece of information,

0:05:20 > 0:05:22then you're probably not cut out for the sport.

0:05:28 > 0:05:31That's the end of the first bit of the show.

0:05:31 > 0:05:34You don't have to worry about it any more. It's history.

0:05:34 > 0:05:38You'd better start worrying about what's coming up next instead.

0:05:38 > 0:05:43It's called Fool News because it's news and it's got fools in it.

0:05:43 > 0:05:45Have a listen to this.

0:05:46 > 0:05:48The following is a true story.

0:05:49 > 0:05:53A young man called David somehow managed to break his arm after

0:05:53 > 0:05:57falling over a dog, but after successfully getting a cast

0:05:57 > 0:06:01fitted at the hospital, he decided the best way to recuperate was

0:06:01 > 0:06:03to go out to a party and get really drunk.

0:06:05 > 0:06:08After passing out due to the cocktail of medicinal-grade drugs

0:06:08 > 0:06:11and alcohol, his friends decided to help him out

0:06:11 > 0:06:16by decorating his cast with rude images and words.

0:06:16 > 0:06:19The next morning, however, it turned out that David's parents

0:06:19 > 0:06:22did not have the same enthusiasm for their handiwork.

0:06:23 > 0:06:27David decided to rectify this situation by trying to remove

0:06:27 > 0:06:30the images from his resin cast with some white spirit.

0:06:30 > 0:06:33The liquid immediately burned through the cast

0:06:33 > 0:06:35and then began burning his skin.

0:06:35 > 0:06:38Quick as a flash, David decided to alleviate the pain

0:06:38 > 0:06:42by smashing what remained of the cast to pieces with a hammer.

0:06:42 > 0:06:45But this technique had mixed results.

0:06:45 > 0:06:48Because despite successfully removing the cast,

0:06:48 > 0:06:52he also successfully managed to break his arm in several other places.

0:06:52 > 0:06:56David returned to hospital to have a second cast fitted on his arm,

0:06:56 > 0:06:58but this time returned straight home.

0:07:00 > 0:07:03Next up, this.

0:07:16 > 0:07:20Whoa! Hey, go back.

0:07:20 > 0:07:21He's all right.

0:07:25 > 0:07:28You better go, the battery's getting low.

0:07:28 > 0:07:29LAUGHTER

0:07:30 > 0:07:32Yeah.

0:07:34 > 0:07:35Oh! Oh! Oh!

0:07:35 > 0:07:36Oh!

0:08:09 > 0:08:11OK, recording.

0:08:11 > 0:08:12Oh, my God!

0:08:13 > 0:08:15LAUGHTER

0:08:26 > 0:08:27Hey, boys.

0:08:30 > 0:08:32SHOUTING

0:08:33 > 0:08:35LAUGHTER

0:08:40 > 0:08:42- Oh, my God.- That is so bad.

0:08:44 > 0:08:46This is an apple.

0:08:46 > 0:08:48This is a banana.

0:08:48 > 0:08:50This is a orange.

0:08:50 > 0:08:53Coming up, we have got some more clips of fools doing stupid stuff.

0:09:00 > 0:09:01First up, this.

0:09:01 > 0:09:05Hello, and welcome to the Seattle Space Needle.

0:09:05 > 0:09:06We are now going outside.

0:09:09 > 0:09:11SHE SCREAMS

0:09:11 > 0:09:14Remember, if you build yourself up too much, you got further to fall.

0:09:20 > 0:09:25Here is what happens if you put a squirrel brain in a man's head.

0:09:25 > 0:09:26Whoa!

0:09:31 > 0:09:34This is not an experiment we need to repeat.

0:09:36 > 0:09:39If your friend asks you to put on a helmet and follow him,

0:09:39 > 0:09:40don't follow him.

0:09:41 > 0:09:42LAUGHTER

0:09:44 > 0:09:46Especially if your friend is this guy.

0:09:58 > 0:10:00Somebody get Pops a new set of shock absorbers.

0:10:00 > 0:10:04Then get him a full MOT and change his oil.

0:10:04 > 0:10:05Then give him a paint job.

0:10:09 > 0:10:12This car park installed a fool detection system.

0:10:14 > 0:10:15Boom. We got one.

0:10:18 > 0:10:21Next up, this happens on a trampoline.

0:10:22 > 0:10:24- Oh, my God! - LAUGHTER

0:10:29 > 0:10:30I wish I hadn't seen this.

0:10:30 > 0:10:33My eyes feel like they need a hot shower.

0:10:35 > 0:10:37LAUGHTER

0:10:44 > 0:10:48If I was your face, I would be real mad at you right now.

0:10:53 > 0:10:55This here is tae kwon do.

0:10:56 > 0:10:58- Looks more like tae kwon- DON'T- to me.

0:10:59 > 0:11:02That was my tae kwon do joke.

0:11:03 > 0:11:06I have also got a judo joke, a tai chi joke

0:11:06 > 0:11:08and one about Bikram Yoga.

0:11:25 > 0:11:26The other way.

0:11:32 > 0:11:35This kid is trying out some juggling.

0:11:37 > 0:11:39I wouldn't advise him doing this again.

0:11:39 > 0:11:43I think you are more of a one thing at a time type of person.

0:11:44 > 0:11:46Next up, New Mexico.

0:11:46 > 0:11:49This is the fool convention, where people from across the country

0:11:49 > 0:11:51come to compete and see who is dumbest.

0:11:51 > 0:11:53Oh!

0:11:55 > 0:11:57It is always a close call.

0:12:01 > 0:12:04It is time to put on your dancing shoes

0:12:04 > 0:12:07and sit right there, watch these fools,

0:12:07 > 0:12:11take off your dancing shoes and put them back in the box.

0:12:11 > 0:12:13Then decide never to dance again.

0:12:13 > 0:12:16These fools just ruin it for everyone.

0:12:30 > 0:12:33Here is four old men dancing at a Romanian wedding.

0:12:41 > 0:12:44This Take That reunion is going on far too long.

0:12:49 > 0:12:51Keep your eye on the girl in the pink shorts.

0:12:56 > 0:12:57SCREAM

0:12:57 > 0:13:01Even if she didn't fall in, it was worth keeping an eye on her

0:13:01 > 0:13:04so you don't have to look at that jerk in the front.

0:13:06 > 0:13:09My mother used to say it takes a smart person to act dumb.

0:13:11 > 0:13:14This woman must be really, really, really smart.

0:13:24 > 0:13:29This guy just taking the dance to the people and the crowd love it.

0:13:29 > 0:13:30What a showman.

0:13:32 > 0:13:34This lady is shaking her booty.

0:13:37 > 0:13:41Maybe her booty is so ashamed it is shaking her right off the stage.

0:13:44 > 0:13:47That's some smart booty.

0:13:48 > 0:13:50Mexico. You have heard of a pool party.

0:13:55 > 0:13:56Well, here is a fool party.

0:14:05 > 0:14:07This guy is stupid.

0:14:07 > 0:14:10He can't tell the difference between a wall and a floor.

0:14:13 > 0:14:14Now he knows.

0:14:15 > 0:14:17The wall is the one with the hole in it.

0:14:24 > 0:14:27Looks like your magic suit doesn't work after all, chump.

0:14:32 > 0:14:33Japan.

0:14:35 > 0:14:38There's a fine line between break dancing

0:14:38 > 0:14:40and kicking someone in the face.

0:14:40 > 0:14:44There isn't really. I'm just trying to make this guy feel better.

0:14:49 > 0:14:52This kid is doing more breaking than dancing.

0:14:56 > 0:14:57But I like his style.

0:15:03 > 0:15:07Some kids love music so much, it takes over they whole bodies.

0:15:07 > 0:15:09We call them head-bangers.

0:15:09 > 0:15:11Ow!

0:15:11 > 0:15:13Sometimes I'm so funny it scares me.

0:15:21 > 0:15:23Ow!

0:15:25 > 0:15:28And now, it is time for a word from our sponsors.

0:15:30 > 0:15:33Mr T is proud to present a new product from T-Industries.

0:15:36 > 0:15:38You can sense fear.

0:15:42 > 0:15:44You can feel pain.

0:15:50 > 0:15:52You can smell stupid.

0:16:00 > 0:16:04New I'm Actually A Professor from Laboratoire T

0:16:04 > 0:16:07masks that unmistakable stink of failure.

0:16:09 > 0:16:11Act like an idiot,

0:16:11 > 0:16:13smell like a genius.

0:16:14 > 0:16:17Fragrance for men and women

0:16:17 > 0:16:19who reek of stupidity.

0:16:23 > 0:16:26T-Industries - making it all better since the 1980s.

0:16:34 > 0:16:38Some people ask me how do I deal with all these fools?

0:16:38 > 0:16:40The answer is I meditate.

0:16:40 > 0:16:43I meditate on how stupid these fools are

0:16:43 > 0:16:47and what I'd like to do to them if I saw one walking down the street.

0:16:57 > 0:17:01These two dummies are trying to do a synchronised backflip.

0:17:03 > 0:17:06Maybe synchronised means something different to them.

0:17:07 > 0:17:11This kid wants to prove he is better than a car by jumping over it.

0:17:11 > 0:17:121-0 to the kid.

0:17:14 > 0:17:162-0 to the kid.

0:17:20 > 0:17:222-1. The fight back begins.

0:17:27 > 0:17:30Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

0:17:30 > 0:17:32This guy wants to backflip off a truck.

0:17:34 > 0:17:37If you are on a farm and you are dumber than the animals,

0:17:37 > 0:17:42you might want to shut yourself up in a barn for safekeeping.

0:17:42 > 0:17:45This Spanish kid haircut is all wrong.

0:17:45 > 0:17:47He needs to take a look at my hair.

0:17:47 > 0:17:49Then take a look at his hair.

0:17:49 > 0:17:52Then go buy himself a hat.

0:17:52 > 0:17:53Germany.

0:17:53 > 0:17:56And it looks like a nice day to hit the beach.

0:17:56 > 0:17:58LAUGHTER

0:17:58 > 0:18:00Look at this guy.

0:18:00 > 0:18:02No, not that guy. This guy.

0:18:04 > 0:18:06Stop looking at him now.

0:18:12 > 0:18:16Next time, if you want to go back into the house, try using the door.

0:18:22 > 0:18:24LAUGHTER

0:18:24 > 0:18:26Did you enjoy your boat trip, sucker?

0:18:28 > 0:18:29LAUGHTER

0:18:30 > 0:18:32They say great minds think alike.

0:18:33 > 0:18:36Some not so great minds also think alike.

0:18:46 > 0:18:50Last up, a wedding. The best man is showing off, climbing up a windmill.

0:18:54 > 0:18:55Now the windmill is showing off,

0:18:55 > 0:18:58knocking the best man down to the ground.

0:18:58 > 0:19:00The windmill is more impressive.

0:19:00 > 0:19:03It went home with two bridesmaids that night.

0:19:09 > 0:19:11I have a very extensive wardrobe.

0:19:11 > 0:19:15I have green camouflage gear, I have yellow camouflage gear,

0:19:15 > 0:19:17I have white camouflage gear

0:19:17 > 0:19:21but everyone cannot look as good in camouflage gear

0:19:21 > 0:19:25as I do so they try wearing other stuff instead.

0:19:25 > 0:19:26It doesn't always work.

0:19:26 > 0:19:29Here's some rules for dressing up fools.

0:19:35 > 0:19:37Rule one. If you are a trendsetter,

0:19:37 > 0:19:40don't be surprised if people steal your look.

0:19:40 > 0:19:41And your identity.

0:19:41 > 0:19:42And your girlfriend.

0:19:44 > 0:19:45Rule two.

0:19:47 > 0:19:50Double denim is a very tricky look to pull off.

0:19:51 > 0:19:54The basic rule is there is always safety in numbers.

0:19:56 > 0:19:58Rule three.

0:19:58 > 0:20:02The possessed mannequin is also a tricky look to pull off.

0:20:02 > 0:20:05But full marks to these guys for getting it spot-on.

0:20:05 > 0:20:08Bravo, creepy mannequin family.

0:20:09 > 0:20:11Rule four.

0:20:11 > 0:20:15If you are a superhero, don't leave the house in a hurry.

0:20:15 > 0:20:17These guys have clearly forgotten their capes.

0:20:17 > 0:20:19And some clothes.

0:20:20 > 0:20:23And finally, rule five.

0:20:23 > 0:20:27Camouflage is a necessity for hiding in war zones.

0:20:27 > 0:20:30Even if that war happens to be in a garden centre.

0:20:33 > 0:20:36Coming up now, more fools.

0:20:36 > 0:20:38This should not be a surprise to you.

0:20:53 > 0:20:56Make your mind up, fool.

0:20:57 > 0:20:59Are you dancing, running or falling over?

0:21:06 > 0:21:09This really takes laziness to a whole new level.

0:21:09 > 0:21:11If you can't be bothered to run

0:21:11 > 0:21:13and you can't be bothered to go anywhere,

0:21:13 > 0:21:15just stay where you are.

0:21:15 > 0:21:17LAUGHTER

0:21:23 > 0:21:25If you're not happy with your face,

0:21:25 > 0:21:27go get a plastic surgeon.

0:21:28 > 0:21:29This is not the answer.

0:21:39 > 0:21:41I got cheese smarter than these girls.

0:21:41 > 0:21:45And my cheese don't use treadmills for a good reason.

0:21:45 > 0:21:46Because it's cheese.

0:21:53 > 0:21:55I don't know what the question was

0:21:55 > 0:21:57but the answer is painkillers.

0:22:03 > 0:22:07As you can see, they have treadmills in Saudi Arabia too.

0:22:11 > 0:22:13And as you can also see,

0:22:13 > 0:22:15they are equally bad at using them.

0:22:15 > 0:22:18It is nice to see we are the same all over the world.

0:22:28 > 0:22:30If the treadmill is too fast for your feet,

0:22:30 > 0:22:33it is definitely going to be too fast for your butt.

0:22:37 > 0:22:39Fools, it's your lucky day.

0:22:39 > 0:22:44You are in the catchment area for my School For Fools. Sign up.

0:22:44 > 0:22:47Classes begin...

0:22:47 > 0:22:49in five seconds.

0:22:53 > 0:22:57Hello, and welcome to Mr T's School For Fools.

0:22:57 > 0:22:59Settle down, class.

0:22:59 > 0:23:01Today's lesson is economics.

0:23:01 > 0:23:03What is economics? I'll tell you.

0:23:03 > 0:23:06It is about money. It is about the world.

0:23:06 > 0:23:08It is about love. It is about hate.

0:23:08 > 0:23:12It is about ups and downs, good times and bad times.

0:23:12 > 0:23:15But most important, it's about money. For example,

0:23:15 > 0:23:20some people are so rich they can afford to do things like this.

0:23:28 > 0:23:29Whoa!

0:23:29 > 0:23:30Oh!

0:23:33 > 0:23:36Other people can't afford to ski on snow

0:23:36 > 0:23:38so they have to do things like this.

0:23:50 > 0:23:53And some people can only afford to do this.

0:23:59 > 0:24:01Watch out for oncoming traffic.

0:24:03 > 0:24:04LAUGHTER

0:24:07 > 0:24:08That's economics.

0:24:08 > 0:24:12There's also a bunch of stuff about exchange rates, GDP,

0:24:12 > 0:24:14but nobody cares about that.

0:24:14 > 0:24:15Class dismissed.

0:24:18 > 0:24:21Next up, some clips of fools on wheels.

0:24:21 > 0:24:24They are like other dimwits you have already seen

0:24:24 > 0:24:26but on wheels.

0:24:26 > 0:24:27Happy Christmas.

0:24:37 > 0:24:39If you want to back out of a stunt,

0:24:39 > 0:24:41you need to do that before you in mid-air.

0:24:50 > 0:24:53This is a great ramp for people scared of heights.

0:24:58 > 0:25:02Keep searching, lady, you will find your perfect ramp.

0:25:06 > 0:25:09You better send that pole a thank-you card, fool.

0:25:11 > 0:25:13It just saved you from getting run over.

0:25:15 > 0:25:17Even a version of this that goes well sucks.

0:25:23 > 0:25:27OK, I have seen something like this a million times before.

0:25:30 > 0:25:33I'm skate-bored. You may laugh now.

0:25:36 > 0:25:38Next up, New Zealand.

0:25:38 > 0:25:40I preferred Old Zealand.

0:25:43 > 0:25:46Stuff like this never happened in Old Zealand.

0:25:46 > 0:25:48They should never have changed it.

0:25:51 > 0:25:52Canada.

0:25:52 > 0:25:54The sign says, "Do not enter."

0:25:54 > 0:25:57The concrete says...

0:25:57 > 0:25:58"Read the sign, fool."

0:26:05 > 0:26:08Once upon a time, there was a magical forest.

0:26:10 > 0:26:12This ain't it.

0:26:12 > 0:26:15This is just a normal forest with a dummy on a bike.

0:26:15 > 0:26:16Get over it.

0:26:18 > 0:26:20LAUGHTER

0:26:20 > 0:26:23This biker has taken a wrong turn

0:26:23 > 0:26:25and accidentally ended up in the snow.

0:26:26 > 0:26:28Upside down.

0:26:31 > 0:26:33I know these stairs.

0:26:33 > 0:26:35They take you straight down to Painsville.

0:26:39 > 0:26:41Have a nice trip.

0:26:42 > 0:26:44Time to ramp things up a little.

0:26:47 > 0:26:50This fool ramped things up all the way down to the ground.

0:26:57 > 0:26:59It's going to be quicker and drier

0:26:59 > 0:27:02if you just punch yourself in the face.

0:27:07 > 0:27:09OK, you can open your eyes now.

0:27:09 > 0:27:11The show is over.

0:27:11 > 0:27:13We have seen a lot of people crashing things

0:27:13 > 0:27:16and falling over today so just remember one thing -

0:27:16 > 0:27:18time is a great healer.

0:27:18 > 0:27:21But don't forget about doctors, nurses and medicine.

0:27:21 > 0:27:23They are also pretty good.

0:27:23 > 0:27:26Until next time, stay bright, stay beautiful.

0:27:26 > 0:27:28So long, suckers.

0:27:29 > 0:27:30Grrr.

0:27:43 > 0:27:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd