0:00:02 > 0:00:05The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Although nobody was seriously hurt,
0:00:07 > 0:00:11you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Last year, Mr T went on a mission.
0:00:17 > 0:00:21He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Those people with a lack of common sense,
0:00:24 > 0:00:27a terrifying disregard for health and safety,
0:00:27 > 0:00:31and whose favourite question is, "What's the worst that can happen?"
0:00:31 > 0:00:33And you loved it.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37But now, you want more and you want them crazier and even more foolish.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39So once again, Mr T has delivered
0:00:39 > 0:00:43an array of the world's least talented people.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46This is...
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Look at my face.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Do this like a happy face?
0:01:01 > 0:01:03This is not a happy face.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04You know why?
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Cos I just seen what's coming up on this week's show.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11We got fools jumping out of planes, fools crashing tanks,
0:01:11 > 0:01:15fools filming other fools riding bicycles over cliffs.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19I'm amazed there's anyone left to watch the show.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22For the record, this is my happy face.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Have you ever looked up into the sky and thought how great it would be
0:01:39 > 0:01:40if you could fly?
0:01:40 > 0:01:43For most people, that's where that thought ends.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Not for our next bunch of champions.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48They launch themselves into the air
0:01:48 > 0:01:52and were surprised when they came right back down almost immediately.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Watch and laugh.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56New Year's Eve.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00This guy New Year's resolution is to be more of an idiot.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I think he's going to pull it off.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12If a biker falls over in the woods and there's no-one to hear him...
0:02:12 > 0:02:13YELPING
0:02:13 > 0:02:15..does he make a noise?
0:02:15 > 0:02:16The answer is yes.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18YELPING
0:02:18 > 0:02:19You just heard it.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Next clip.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22News flash, numbskull.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Bikes have two wheels.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28You try and skimp on wheels, you suffer.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32HEAVY METAL MUSIC
0:02:32 > 0:02:34A musical festival in Hungary land.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38They say three is a crowd, try telling that to this guy.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I admire this man's courage,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54but there's got to be a better way to catch salmon.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Jump it!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01SCREAMING
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Oh-ho-ho, my God!
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Argentina land.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10Here are two planks,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13fighting it out for plank of the year.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17They both lose.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24This sucker thinks he's going to jump his bike over some railings.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Is he going to do it?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Take a look at the title of this show.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31It ain't called The World's Greatest Achievers.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35There are two types of people in the world.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Those who are unable to successfully launch themselves out of a cannon
0:03:39 > 0:03:41and Mr T.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44You should find out which of those types you are
0:03:44 > 0:03:46before attempting this.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Don't worry. He's OK.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Russia. You are looking at a guy jumping up and down on a trampoline.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Now you are looking at a guy falling off a trampoline.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08This clip takes me back to Mexico, 1984.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12I was trapped in a warehouse, surrounded by bad guys...
0:04:14 > 0:04:17..with nothing but a bicycle and some parachute canvas
0:04:17 > 0:04:19and an old car engine.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20You know what I did?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Built myself a horse.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Rode that thing all the way across the border.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Don't worry. He's OK.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36OK, get some Barry White on the stereo,
0:04:36 > 0:04:39light some candles, and take off your socks.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Then slip over on the laminate floor,
0:04:42 > 0:04:44land on the stereo, knock over the candles.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48It's time for some sexy fools. Oh, yeah!
0:05:09 > 0:05:10SCREAMING
0:06:19 > 0:06:21The wheel is a great thing.
0:06:21 > 0:06:26It helps you get from A to B, and B is a good place unless I'm at B.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29And if I'm at B, you don't want to be at B.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33You want to get back to A or maybe move to C.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35In fact, go to D.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37D is the safest place to be.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Anyway, the point is, wheels are good -
0:06:40 > 0:06:44unless you misuses them like these chumps.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Cycling can be a dangerous pastime.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Always remember to wear a helmet.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02This kid is wearing a helmet, which he's going to be thankful for
0:07:02 > 0:07:05when he smashes his knees on those rocks below.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10You're about to witness a quick and cheap way to get a nose job.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13I don't advise it.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22This is a chase scene.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Some of my best memories involve chasing someone.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27CRASH!
0:07:29 > 0:07:33This don't look like it's going to be a good memory for this guy.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35He's not going to remember anything at all.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40This sucker's trying to ride a dirt bike.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Why do they call it a dirt bike?
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Cos you end up in the dirt.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51That's a pretty funny joke I just did.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53You'd better be laughing.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57In Portugal now.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01This guy riding his skateboard at high speed on a busy road.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05He's doing pretty well under the circumstances.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13The circumstances being that his brain is made of peas!
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Crashing your bike in front of lots of people
0:08:20 > 0:08:22is painful and humiliating.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25It's pain-miliating.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27That's a new word I just made up.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I like it. I'm going to find every dictionary in the world
0:08:30 > 0:08:32and write it in.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Don't take it offence if I call you a chump, fool.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44This clip was brought to you by the letters A and E.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Our next clip is from Australia.
0:08:47 > 0:08:53It's hard to ride a bicycle in Australia cos it's upside-down!
0:08:55 > 0:08:56More often than not,
0:08:56 > 0:09:00you're going to end up falling into a shed, like this guy.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06They say once you learn how to ride a bicycle, you never forget it.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Either this dummy forgot
0:09:10 > 0:09:14or he never learned how to ride a bicycle in the first place.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20One thing I'll say about this kid, he really throws himself into it.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Bam!
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Pain-miliating!
0:09:39 > 0:09:40That's that word again.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44If you don't know what it means, look it up in your dictionary.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48It's hard to believe, but even Mr T makes mistakes.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I remember it vividly.
0:09:50 > 0:09:55It was 1998, I put on a sweater when it was sunny outside
0:09:55 > 0:09:57and I got too hot.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00There's not a day goes by when I don't think about it.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Sure, I can laugh about it now...
0:10:03 > 0:10:05No. It's too soon.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07The point is, nobody's perfect.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Not even these highly-trained army guys.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21First up, a rifle drill in Poland.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Keep your eye on the guy in the front row,
0:10:24 > 0:10:26three from the left.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28That's only so many times you can tell a guy
0:10:28 > 0:10:32that his beret don't suit him before you have to take drastic action.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33GUNSHOT
0:10:35 > 0:10:37GUNSHOT
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Next up, Russia,
0:10:43 > 0:10:46where these soldiers are proving that given the chance,
0:10:46 > 0:10:50they can turn anything into a weapon. Even a wheelbarrow.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52At ease, Sergeant.
0:10:52 > 0:10:58A United Nations tank being loaded onto a truck in Bosnia.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Don't you hate it when that happens to your tank?
0:11:02 > 0:11:05What do you mean, you don't have a tank?
0:11:05 > 0:11:06I thought everybody had a tank.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16This Chinese soldier is practising his grenade throwing.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21As you can see, it's not his strong point.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Luckily, he's good at hurling himself down
0:11:25 > 0:11:28and curling up into a little ball.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33France. This soldier is disproving the mantra
0:11:33 > 0:11:36that his rifle is his best friend.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39His rifle clearly hates him.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43He'll be lucky if it gives him the time of day.
0:11:43 > 0:11:50And finally, how do you know if your mortar fails to launch properly?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53If everyone around you is screaming
0:11:53 > 0:11:56and running in the opposite direction,
0:11:56 > 0:11:57that's probably a good clue.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03And now a word from our sponsors.
0:12:03 > 0:12:09Mr T is proud to present a new product from T-Industries.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Is your house all trashed up?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Or your microwave totally exploded?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Has someone mangled your fence?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20It could be that you've got a fool infestation.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Over 80% of British households in Britain
0:12:22 > 0:12:25have a wild fool running around all crazy,
0:12:25 > 0:12:28which is why we at T-Industries have developed
0:12:28 > 0:12:30the Fool Net.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31The Fool Net is a simple device
0:12:31 > 0:12:35that helps you catch the idiot running around your house.
0:12:37 > 0:12:42Easy to erect, you just put it up and let the net do the rest.
0:12:42 > 0:12:47Available in two different sizes, the Fool Net costs just 9.99
0:12:47 > 0:12:51and can be delivered straight to your home.
0:12:51 > 0:12:57Fool Net - erects in seconds, protects for a lifetime.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58One month guarantee.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02T-Industries is not responsible for any non-fools caught in the Fool Net
0:13:02 > 0:13:05excluding leading sportsmen and opera singers.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08T-Industries - making it all better since the 1980s.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Hey, you. Yes, you.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Put that down and concentrate on this.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Most fools only got themselves to blame,
0:16:36 > 0:16:40but some are a danger to others and that ain't funny.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41It's quite funny.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46It's not funny at all. Have a listen to this.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49The following is a true story.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51A West Virginian man
0:16:51 > 0:16:55decided to take a long-standing termite infestation in his home
0:16:55 > 0:16:58into his own hands.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Opting against expensive professional solutions,
0:17:01 > 0:17:05he decided that DIY fumigation was the best way forward.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07So, turning on all the gas in the house
0:17:07 > 0:17:10and shutting the doors and windows to stop it escaping,
0:17:10 > 0:17:14he retired for the evening to let nature take it's course.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18Emerging the next morning, the man approached the house
0:17:18 > 0:17:20and opened the door to survey his handiwork.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Unfortunately he was unable to do this,
0:17:23 > 0:17:26as a slight spark caused by the door latch opening
0:17:26 > 0:17:29ignited the gas that now filled his entire house.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33It was immediately engulfed in a gigantic fireball.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Not only was the man blown into a nearby creek,
0:17:35 > 0:17:39but the telephone and electricity supplies to the town were destroyed
0:17:39 > 0:17:42and the doors blown off the local church.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46The blast was heard up to six miles away.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49The termite nest however, had been destroyed.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Unfortunately, so had the house.
0:17:52 > 0:17:57The uninsured man received severe burns and an enormous gas bill.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02What do you think about when I say the word snow?
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Fun stuff? I'll bet.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Happy Christmas scenes,
0:18:06 > 0:18:09with children playing and guys in roll-neck sweaters,
0:18:09 > 0:18:11and girls in pretty red coats?
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Snow is great, right?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Wrong! Snow is deadly and dangerous.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19The minute you see it you should run inside, lock your doors,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22hide under your beds. Don't believe me?
0:18:22 > 0:18:23Take a look at this.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34First up, this kid is biking on the ice.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Put your training wheels back on, sucker.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41You still got some learning to do.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Check this out.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47If I was friends with this guy, I'd follow him around with a camera too.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51Nine times out of ten, you're going to get gold!
0:18:56 > 0:18:59If you're in Finland and you're on a frozen lake,
0:18:59 > 0:19:01remember one thing.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03You're on a frozen lake!
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Are you a penguin?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08No? Then get off the frozen lake.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11This guy's being pulled across the ice on a bed.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14This is not a good use for a bed.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Beds are for sleepy time only.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Does this look like sleepy time?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21It does not look like sleepy time.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Actually, now it looks like sleepy time.
0:19:25 > 0:19:30Don't worry, the only thing that was hurt was his pride.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Next up, skiing.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Even going downhill is an uphill struggle when you suck this much.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42This guy's having a pretty good time sledging.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47Whoo!
0:19:47 > 0:19:51When you're having this much fun, who needs a face?
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Check out this Russian dummy. He decided an icy day
0:19:57 > 0:20:01was the best time to take his car out for a quick spin.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04At least he got the spinning bit right.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Canada.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Now I don't know who the biggest fool is in this clip.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17This guy laying down, or the guy driving the snowmobile.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20I'm going to call it a tie.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22They both get to go home tonight
0:20:22 > 0:20:24feeling equally ashamed of themselves.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Finally, we're going to school for a big snowball fight.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33That serves you right for hiding up there on the fifth floor.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Next time you see a snowball fight,
0:20:36 > 0:20:41go downstairs, pick up some snow and that's how you win a snowball fight.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57School time!
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Hello, and welcome to Mr T's School For Fools.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12I am Mr T and today's lesson is all about geography.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14What is geography?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16It's where things are at.
0:21:16 > 0:21:21Like maybe you're thinking, "Where's France at?" That's geography.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Maybe you were thinking, "Where's my keys at?"
0:21:24 > 0:21:25That's geography.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26Maybe you were thinking,
0:21:26 > 0:21:29"When did they invent geography?" That's history.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Forget about history. We're doing geography.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Now open your books to page one. Where stuff's at.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50This guy doesn't know where the ground is at.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53You should always check and see where the ground is at
0:21:53 > 0:21:54before you start anything.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57So stand up, now look down.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01That's where the ground is at. Geography is easy.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Class dismissed.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Back in the '80s, I invented something called swimming.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Before it, going into the water wasn't much fun.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14People would just sink to the bottom and drown.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16You won't believe what swimming pools were like
0:22:16 > 0:22:18before I invented swimming.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Anyway, here are some folks who are no good around water.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33This guy's trying to dive into a pool off a plastic stool.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Don't be sad for the plastic stool.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40It was just its time.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42It had a good life.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45He died doing what he loved.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49These two ladies are trying to get onto a boat in Portugal.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53There are some boats that just don't want to be gotten on.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56If you've got one of those boats, don't try to get on it.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Just cos your friend's gone and done something stupid,
0:23:09 > 0:23:12doesn't mean you have to go and do something stupid too.
0:23:14 > 0:23:19One dumb chump in any group of friends is more than enough.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Serbia now.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31And here's a great example of why you should pay attention in school.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37If this man had paid attention in school,
0:23:37 > 0:23:41he would have learned about distance and velocity and gradient
0:23:41 > 0:23:45and he would have built that thing so he'd have landed in the pool.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48But he didn't, and look what happened.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50It's a bad day for physics.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53You see that ladder?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55That ladder is what you're supposed to use
0:23:55 > 0:23:57for climbing into the hot tub.
0:23:57 > 0:24:02If you jump in, you make the floor slippy.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06And if you make the floor slippy, you make the floor slippy.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08That's why this happens.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Man crosses log.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Man ends up in the river.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20This is a familiar story.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25This dummy is thinking about jumping from one piece of ice
0:24:25 > 0:24:27to another piece of ice.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Looks like he got cold feet.
0:24:32 > 0:24:37Also, he's got cold ankles, cold knees, cold thighs.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Basically, the lower half of his body is all cold.
0:24:41 > 0:24:47This guy thinks carrying a big stick will make him less of a fool.
0:24:47 > 0:24:48Negative.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56There's only one rule when you are water-skiing,
0:24:56 > 0:24:58but it's a pretty basic one.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Make sure you stay on the water.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02LAUGHTER
0:25:15 > 0:25:16That's it. The show's over.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Thank you for making this last half an hour
0:25:19 > 0:25:22one of my favourite half-hours of all time.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24I'm going to leave you with this thought -
0:25:24 > 0:25:27you will only regret the things in life that you didn't do,
0:25:27 > 0:25:28not the things you did.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Now get out there and do some stuff.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34Unless it's late, in which case, get some sleep first.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37See you next week. So long, suckers.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39HE SNARLS
0:25:41 > 0:25:45# I pity the fool
0:25:47 > 0:25:52# I said I pity the fool
0:25:54 > 0:25:58# I pity the fool
0:26:01 > 0:26:06# I said I pity the fool
0:26:08 > 0:26:12# That fall in love with you
0:26:12 > 0:26:15# And expect you to be true
0:26:15 > 0:26:16# Oh, I pity the fool... #
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd