0:00:02 > 0:00:05The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.
0:00:05 > 0:00:11Although nobody was seriously hurt, you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Last year, Mr T went on a mission.
0:00:17 > 0:00:21He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Those people with a lack of common sense,
0:00:24 > 0:00:27a terrifying disregard for health and safety,
0:00:27 > 0:00:31and whose favourite question is, "What's the worst that can happen?"
0:00:31 > 0:00:33And you loved it.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37But now, you want more and you want them crazier and even more foolish.
0:00:37 > 0:00:43So once again, Mr T has delivered an array of the world's least talented people.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46This is...
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Look at my face.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Do this like a happy face?
0:01:01 > 0:01:03This is not a happy face.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04You know why?
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Because I just seen what's coming up on this week's show.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11We got fools jumping out of planes, fools crashing tanks,
0:01:11 > 0:01:15fools filming other fools riding bicycles over cliffs.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19I'm amazed there's anyone left to watch the show.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22For the record, this is my happy face.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Have you ever looked up into the sky and thought how great it would be
0:01:39 > 0:01:40if you could fly?
0:01:40 > 0:01:43For most people, that's where that thought ends.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Not for our next bunch of champions.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48They launch themselves into the air
0:01:48 > 0:01:52and were surprised when they came right back down almost immediately.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Watch and laugh.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56New Year's Eve.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00This guy new year's resolution is to be more of an idiot.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I think he's going to pull it off.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12If a biker falls over in the woods and there's no-one to hear him...
0:02:12 > 0:02:13YELPING
0:02:13 > 0:02:15..does he make a noise?
0:02:15 > 0:02:16The answer is yes.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18YELPING
0:02:18 > 0:02:19You just heard it.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Next clip.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22News flash, numskull.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Bikes have two wheels.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28You try and skimp on wheels, you suffer.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32HEAVY METAL MUSIC
0:02:32 > 0:02:34A musical festival in Hungary land.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38They say three is a crowd, try telling that to this guy.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I admire this man's courage,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54but there's got to be a better way to catch salmon.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Jump it!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01SCREAMING
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Oh-ho-ho, my god!
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Argentina land.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10Here are two planks,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13fighting it out for plank of the year.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17They both lose.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24This sucker thinks he's going to jump his bike over some railings.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Is he going to do it?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Take a look at the title of this show.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31It ain't called The World's Greatest Achievers.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35There are two types of people in the world.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Those who are unable to successfully launch themselves out of a cannon,
0:03:39 > 0:03:41and Mr T.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44You should find out which of those types you are
0:03:44 > 0:03:46before attempting this.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Don't worry. He's OK.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Russia. You are looking at a guy jumping up and down on a trampoline.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Now you are looking at a guy falling off a trampoline.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08This clip takes me back to Mexico, 1984.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12I was trapped in a warehouse, surrounded by bad guys...
0:04:14 > 0:04:17..with nothing but a bicycle and some parachute canvas
0:04:17 > 0:04:19and an old car engine.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20You know what I did?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Built myself a horse.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Rode that thing all the way across the border.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29This jerk thought it was a good idea to get on a plane.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32He then thought it was a good idea to jump out of a plane.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37That was two bad ideas in quick succession.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39He deserved to get a face full of hedge.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Don't worry, he's OK.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47OK, get some Barry White on the stereo,
0:04:47 > 0:04:50light some candles, and take off your socks.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Then slip over on the laminate floor,
0:04:53 > 0:04:56land on the stereo, knock over the candles.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59It's time for some sexy fools. Oh yeah!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22SCREAMING
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Are we going to get you a tiara?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42LAUGHTER
0:06:45 > 0:06:49LAUGHTER
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- Are you filming?- No.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Yeah, got it on video!
0:07:33 > 0:07:34SCREAMING
0:07:34 > 0:07:38Back in the '80s, when I invented a little thing called show bid'ness,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41I also invented funny bid'ness and none of your bid'ness.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44In fact, I'm such a good bid'ness man
0:07:44 > 0:07:46that people are always after my advice.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50So listen up, here are my rules for bid'ness fools.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Mr T's rules for bid'ness fools.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Rule one.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04When the marketing department come up with a campaign
0:08:04 > 0:08:07they describe as, "A little bit left field",
0:08:07 > 0:08:08or, "outside the box,"
0:08:08 > 0:08:11they might just mean, completely inappropriate.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Rule two.
0:08:13 > 0:08:18If the letters fall off your company logo, maybe it's a bad sign.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Rule three.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Bar owners - salty snacks make people drink more.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26This is good business.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27Rule four.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Mixed messages can lead to increased interest from customers,
0:08:31 > 0:08:35or have you shut down by a very angry priest.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Rule five.
0:08:37 > 0:08:42A family name can make a business feel trustworthy and reliable.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Rule six.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Unless your name is Mr Turd Baby.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49And finally, rule seven.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52It's good to know your customers,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55but keep your opinions of them to yourself.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57The wheel is a great thing.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02It helps you get from A to B, and B is a good place unless I'm at B.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05And if I'm at B, you don't want to be at B.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09You want to get back to A or maybe move to C.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11In fact, go to D.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13D is the safest place to be.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Anyway, the point is, wheels are good -
0:09:16 > 0:09:20unless you misuses them like these chumps.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Cycling can be a dangerous pastime.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Always remember to wear a helmet.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38This kid is wearing a helmet, which he's going to be thankful for
0:09:38 > 0:09:41when he smashes his knees on those rocks below.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47You're about to witness a quick and cheap way to get a nose job.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50I don't advise it.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59This is a chase scene.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Some of my best memories involve chasing someone.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04CRASH!
0:10:06 > 0:10:10This don't look like it's going to be a good memory for this guy.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12He's not going to remember anything at all.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18This sucker's trying to ride a dirt bike.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Why do they call it a dirt bike?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Cos you end up in the dirt.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28That's a pretty funny joke I just did.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30You'd better be laughing.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34In Portugal now.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38This guy riding his skateboard at high speed on a busy road.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42He's doing pretty well under the circumstances.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50The circumstances being that his brain is made of peas!
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Crashing your bike in front of lots of people
0:10:57 > 0:10:59is painful and humiliating.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02It's pain-miliating.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04That's a new word I just made up.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07I like it. I'm going to find every dictionary in the world
0:11:07 > 0:11:09and write it in.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Don't take it offence if I call you a chump, fool.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21This clip was brought to you by the letters A and E.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Our next clip is from Australia.
0:11:24 > 0:11:30It's hard to ride a bicycle in Australia cos it's upside-down!
0:11:32 > 0:11:34More often than not,
0:11:34 > 0:11:37you're going to end up falling into a shed, like this guy.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43They say once you learn how to ride a bicycle, you never forget it.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Either this dummy forgot
0:11:47 > 0:11:51or he never learned how to ride a bicycle in the first place.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58One thing I'll say about this kid, he really throws himself into it.
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Bam!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Pain-miliating!
0:12:16 > 0:12:17That's that word again.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21If you don't know what it means, look it up in your dictionary.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25It's hard to believe, but even Mr T makes mistakes.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I remember it vividly.
0:12:27 > 0:12:32It was 1998, I put on a sweater when it was sunny outside
0:12:32 > 0:12:34and I got too hot.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37There's not a day goes by when I don't think about it.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Sure, I can laugh about it now...
0:12:40 > 0:12:42No. It's too soon.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45The point is, nobody's perfect.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Not even these highly-trained army guys.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58First up, a rifle drill in Poland.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Keep your eye on the guy in the front row,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03three from the left.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05That's only so many times you can tell a guy
0:13:05 > 0:13:09that his beret don't suit him before you have to take drastic action.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10GUNSHOT
0:13:12 > 0:13:14GUNSHOT
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Next up, Russia,
0:13:19 > 0:13:23where these soldiers are proving that given the chance,
0:13:23 > 0:13:26they can turn anything into a weapon. Even a wheelbarrow.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29At ease, Sergeant.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34A United Nations tank being loaded onto a truck in Bosnia.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Don't you hate it when that happens to your tank?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41What do you mean, you don't have a tank?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43I thought everybody had a tank.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53This Chinese soldier is practising his grenade throwing.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59As you can see, it's not his strong point.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Luckily, he's good at hurling himself down
0:14:02 > 0:14:04and curling up into a little ball.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10France. This soldier is disproving the mantra
0:14:10 > 0:14:12that his rifle is his best friend.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16His rifle clearly hates him.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20He'll be lucky if it gives him the time of day.
0:14:20 > 0:14:26And finally, how do you know if your mortar fails to launch properly?
0:14:26 > 0:14:30If everyone around you is screaming
0:14:30 > 0:14:32and running in the opposite direction,
0:14:32 > 0:14:34that's probably a good clue.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40And now it's time for a word from our sponsors.
0:14:40 > 0:14:46Mr T is proud to present a new product from T-Industries.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50Do you suffer from dry, flakey, on-fire hair?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Do you find it difficult
0:14:52 > 0:14:55to tell the difference between the times when you're on fire
0:14:55 > 0:14:57and you're not on fire?
0:14:57 > 0:15:01It could be that your current brand of hair spray
0:15:01 > 0:15:04is making the situation worse, not better.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07If so, then you could benefit from a new product
0:15:07 > 0:15:10we've invented here at Laboratoire T.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13We call it water. That's right.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18Our new hydrogen dioxide serum, also known as water,
0:15:18 > 0:15:21comes in a can, just like your regular brand of hair spray.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24But unlike your regular brand of hair spray,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27it won't make your hair go on fire.
0:15:27 > 0:15:32Spray it on your hair before you go on fire to prevent going on fire.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Or, spray it on your hair after you go on fire
0:15:35 > 0:15:37to stop being on fire.
0:15:37 > 0:15:43Water, by Laboratoire T - because you're better, not on fire.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48T-Industries making it all better since the 1980s.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Hey, you. Yes, you.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Put that down and concentrate on this.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Most fools only got themselves to blame,
0:19:17 > 0:19:20but some are a danger to others and that ain't funny.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22It's quite funny.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26It's not funny at all. Have a listen to this.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30The following is a true story.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31A West Virginian man
0:19:31 > 0:19:36decided to take a long-standing termite infestation in his home
0:19:36 > 0:19:39into his own hands.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Opting against expensive professional solutions,
0:19:42 > 0:19:45he decided that DIY fumigation was the best way forward.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48So, turning on all the gas in the house
0:19:48 > 0:19:51and shutting the doors and windows to stop it escaping,
0:19:51 > 0:19:54he retired for the evening to let nature take it's course.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Emerging the next morning, the man approached the house
0:19:58 > 0:20:01and opened the door to survey his handiwork.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Unfortunately he was unable to do this,
0:20:03 > 0:20:06as a slight spark caused by the door latch opening
0:20:06 > 0:20:09ignited the gas that now filled his entire house.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13It was immediately engulfed in a gigantic fireball.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Not only was the man blown into a nearby creek,
0:20:16 > 0:20:19but the telephone and electricity supplies to the town were destroyed
0:20:19 > 0:20:22and the doors blown off the local church.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26The blast was heard up to six miles away.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29The termite nest however, had been destroyed.
0:20:29 > 0:20:33Unfortunately, so had the house.
0:20:33 > 0:20:38The uninsured man received severe burns and an enormous gas bill.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43What do you think about when I say the word snow?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Fun stuff? I'll bet.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46Happy Christmas scenes,
0:20:46 > 0:20:49with children playing and guys in roll-neck sweaters,
0:20:49 > 0:20:52and girls in pretty red coats?
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Snow is great, right?
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Wrong! Snow is deadly and dangerous.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00The minute you see it you should run inside, lock your doors,
0:21:00 > 0:21:02hide under your beds. Don't believe me?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Take a look at this.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14First up, this kid is biking on the ice.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Put your training wheels back on, sucker.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21You still got some learning to do.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Check this out.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27If I was friends with this guy, I'd follow him around with a camera too.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Nine times out of ten, you're going to get gold!
0:21:36 > 0:21:41If you were in Finland and you were on a frozen lake, remember one thing.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43You're on a frozen lake!
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Are you a penguin?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48No, then get off the frozen lake.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51This guy's being pulled across the ice on a bed.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54This is not a good use for a bed.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Beds are for sleepy time only.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Does this look like sleepy time?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01It does not look like sleepy time.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Actually, now it looks like sleepy time.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Don't worry, the only thing that was hurt was his pride.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Next up, skiing.
0:22:11 > 0:22:16Even going downhill is an uphill struggle when you suck this much.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22This guy's having a pretty good time sledging.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Woo!
0:22:26 > 0:22:30When you're having this much fun, who needs a face?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Check out this Russian dummy.
0:22:35 > 0:22:36He decided an icy day
0:22:36 > 0:22:40was the best time to take his car out for a quick spin.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43At least he got the spinning bit right.
0:22:49 > 0:22:50Canada.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Now I don't know who the biggest fool is in this clip.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56This guy laying down, or the guy driving the snowmobile.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59I'm going to call it a tie.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01They both get to go home tonight
0:23:01 > 0:23:03feeling equally ashamed of themselves.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Finally, we're going to school for a big snowball fight.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12That serves you right for hiding up there on the fifth floor.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Next time you see a snowball fight,
0:23:15 > 0:23:20go downstairs, pick up some snow and that's how you win a snowball fight.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38School time!
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Hello, and welcome to Mr T's school for fools.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52I am Mr T and today's lesson is all about geography.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54What is geography?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56It's where things are at.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00Like maybe you're thinking, "Where's France at?" That's geography.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Maybe you were thinking, "Where's my keys at?"
0:24:03 > 0:24:05That's geography.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06Maybe you were thinking,
0:24:06 > 0:24:09"When did they invent geography?" That's history.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Forget about history. We're doing geography.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Now open your books to page one. Where stuff's at.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30This guy doesn't know where the ground is at.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33You should always check and see where the ground is at
0:24:33 > 0:24:34before you start anything.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37So stand up, now look down.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41That's where the ground is at. Geography is easy.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Class dismissed.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Back in the '80s, I invented something called swimming.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Before it, going into the water wasn't much fun.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53People would just sink to the bottom and drown.
0:24:53 > 0:24:58You won't believe what swimming pools were like before I invented swimming.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02Anyway, here are some folks who are no good around water.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13This guy's trying to dive into a pool off a plastic stool.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Don't be sad for the plastic stool.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20It was just its time.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22It had a good life.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24He died doing what he loved.
0:25:24 > 0:25:29These two ladies are trying to get onto a boat in Portugal.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33There are some boats that just don't want to be gotten on.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36If you've got one of those boats, don't try to get on it.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Just cos your friend's gone and done something stupid,
0:25:49 > 0:25:52doesn't mean you have to go and do something stupid too.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58One dumb chump in any group of friends is more than enough.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Serbia now.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11And here's a great example of why you should pay attention in school.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17If this man had paid attention in school,
0:26:17 > 0:26:21he would have learned about distance and velocity and gradient
0:26:21 > 0:26:25and he would have built that thing so he'd have landed in the pool.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28But he didn't, and look what happened.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30It's a bad day for physics.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32You see that ladder?
0:26:32 > 0:26:35That ladder is what you're supposed to use
0:26:35 > 0:26:37for climbing into the hot tub.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41If you jump in, you make the floor slippy.
0:26:41 > 0:26:46And if you make the floor slippy, you make the floor slippy.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48That's why this happens.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Man crosses log.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Man ends up in the river.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00This is a familiar story.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05This dummy is thinking about jumping from one piece of ice
0:27:05 > 0:27:07to another piece of ice.
0:27:07 > 0:27:12Looks like he got cold feet.
0:27:12 > 0:27:17Also, he's got cold ankles, cold knees, cold thighs.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Basically, the lower half of his body is all cold.
0:27:21 > 0:27:26This guy thinks carrying a big stick will make him less of a fool.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Negative.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35There's only one rule when you are water-skiing,
0:27:35 > 0:27:37but it's a pretty basic one.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Make sure you stay on the water.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44LAUGHTER
0:27:54 > 0:27:56That's it. The show's over.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59Thank you for making this last half an hour
0:27:59 > 0:28:02one of my favourite half hours of all time.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04I'm going to leave you with this thought -
0:28:04 > 0:28:07you will only regret the things in life that you didn't do,
0:28:07 > 0:28:08not the things you did.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Now get out there and do some stuff.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14Unless it's late, in which case, get some sleep first.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17See you next week. So long, suckers.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19HE SNARLS
0:28:21 > 0:28:25# I pity the fool
0:28:27 > 0:28:32# I said I pity the fool
0:28:34 > 0:28:38# I pity the fool
0:28:41 > 0:28:45# I said I pity the fool
0:28:48 > 0:28:52# That fall in love with you
0:28:52 > 0:28:55# And expect you to be true
0:28:55 > 0:28:57# Oh, I pity the fool... #