0:00:24 > 0:00:26Good evening, welcome to Would I Lie To You?
0:00:26 > 0:00:29The show with tall tales and tantalising truths.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31On David Mitchell's team tonight,
0:00:31 > 0:00:34a heavyweight boxer who, Lee was telling me earlier,
0:00:34 > 0:00:38he could definitely, definitely take in a fight, it's David Haye.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43And a comedian and former maths teacher -
0:00:43 > 0:00:48when he goes to a gig 200 miles away on a train travelling at 70mph,
0:00:48 > 0:00:52he knows exactly what time he'll get there - it's Romesh Ranganathan.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56And, on Lee Mack's team tonight,
0:00:56 > 0:01:01a musician who once had 300 girls faint at his gig.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02That happened to me once -
0:01:02 > 0:01:06the St John's ambulance chalked it up to boredom and poor ventilation.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07It's Martin Kemp.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14And the hottest thing to come out of the Great British Bake-Off
0:01:14 > 0:01:18since a burnt brioche in Bread Week, it's Mel Giedroyc!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24So, we begin with Round One - Home Truths,
0:01:24 > 0:01:26where our panellists each read out a statement
0:01:26 > 0:01:27from the card in front of them.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30To make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
0:01:30 > 0:01:32they've no idea what they'll be faced with.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38David Haye, you're first up tonight.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42I refuse to play my son at tennis since he beat me at the age of five.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45How old is he now? He's eight now.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47So, you've not played him for three years? No.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Because you really don't like losing?
0:01:49 > 0:01:51I hate losing. Particularly to someone so small
0:01:51 > 0:01:54and who laughs hysterically as they're doing it.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I've seen some of your opponents, you don't mind boxing them.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03I take him to the park sometimes for him to play other adults
0:02:03 > 0:02:05and take great pleasure in watching him beat them.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08MEL: Aaah. That's one of my favourite things to do, just to go up to them
0:02:08 > 0:02:11and say, "Bet you can't beat him," and they're like, "OK, how much?"
0:02:11 > 0:02:12I'm like, "How much you want to bet?"
0:02:12 > 0:02:16This is lovely, so you're sort of pimping him out as a...
0:02:16 > 0:02:18He gets 10% of it.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Yeah. Has he got, like, Lego and stuff?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I mean... Nah, he's very active.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26He had a lesson with Boris Becker the other day.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29What? He was being his coach, yeah. Were you watching?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31That must be terrifying for Boris Becker, like,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33"You're doing really well, really, really good.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35"Please don't kill me."
0:02:35 > 0:02:38What's your boy's name? Cassius. Cassius. Yeah.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40So, he's Cassius Haye? Yeah.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I just want to know... Where did you get that idea?
0:02:48 > 0:02:52With my kids, I was one of those fathers that, everything they did,
0:02:52 > 0:02:55I let them win, you know? Did none of that come into it?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57There's no fun in that, though, mate.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01What's really enjoyable is really crushing them, like, if I...
0:03:04 > 0:03:07If I was you, I would've gone away and had secret tennis lessons,
0:03:07 > 0:03:10then casually just gone, "Do you want to have a knock-about?"
0:03:10 > 0:03:12then SLAM! "How about that?!
0:03:12 > 0:03:14"Where's Boris now?!"
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Did you have to pay Boris, or was it a favour?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21No, it was a favour. He heard through the grapevine
0:03:21 > 0:03:23about Cassius being a good player.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25One day you know you're going to get the call, don't you?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27GERMAN ACCENT: "Hello, David...
0:03:28 > 0:03:31"Perhaps you remember what I did for your son.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35"Now is payback time.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39"I'm stuck in a cupboard."
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Could happen, could happen.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49So, what are you going to say, Lee? Truth or lie?
0:03:49 > 0:03:50What do we think? What do you think, Martin?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53I think it's true, because...
0:03:53 > 0:03:56You're not listening, are you? You're undressing him.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Lee, I'm sorry.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03She's looking straight past you. Mel, have some sympathy for the man.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05No, I... He's got to sit there all night.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Now I know how Tony Hadley feels.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14So, what are you going to say?
0:04:14 > 0:04:17The Boris Becker seems a bit extraordinary for me.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Mel is saying Lie. Martin Kemp.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I'm saying True. You're saying True. True, Lie...
0:04:22 > 0:04:24We'll go with Martin and say... You're going to say it's true?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26True. OK, David, Truth or Lie?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30It's true.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31THEY CHEER
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Wow.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37It's true, David does refuse to play his son at tennis since he beat him,
0:04:37 > 0:04:40aged five. Mel, it's your turn.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Um, when I was a child,
0:04:43 > 0:04:45the only thing that would get me to sleep
0:04:45 > 0:04:48was my parents reading me the takeaway menu
0:04:48 > 0:04:52from our local Chinese restaurant, The Flying Chopstick.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55David's team.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58At what age was this?
0:04:58 > 0:05:03I'd say it kicked off at seven, and probably lasted about a year.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Was it read out in any type of accent?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08No. Well, my dad... When you say any type...
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Any type of Chinese accent... There's one specific one...
0:05:11 > 0:05:14If they read it in a French accent, it's be like...
0:05:14 > 0:05:17"That's quite surreal, isn't it? But I'll go with it."
0:05:17 > 0:05:20My dad is half Polish, half Lithuanian,
0:05:20 > 0:05:23so it had a sort of Eastern European tinge.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Could you give us a kind of little rendition?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28So, it'd be something along the lines of, um...
0:05:28 > 0:05:29This'll be interesting.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34It'd be something like... We'll just separate ourselves
0:05:34 > 0:05:36from the person doing the routine.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39You know what'll be in the clip when it comes on the news.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49So, Dad would say, for example...
0:05:49 > 0:05:53"Black bean with chop suey," something like that.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54"Black bean..."
0:05:54 > 0:05:58Was your dad the fella from Sesame Street?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01AS THE COUNT: One! One pork balls! Ha-ha-ha!
0:06:01 > 0:06:05Two lovely pork balls!
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Ha-ha-ha!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09You know, lychee...
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Lychee for the ends of the menu...
0:06:12 > 0:06:13Yeah, I know that.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16The Flying Chopstick just serve a single lychee, don't they?
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Lychees! It was a staple, it was the '70s,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22things were a little bit sparse then, it was...
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Wilson's, you know...
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Things Are Hard. I can't remember his speech,
0:06:26 > 0:06:29but you know the one I mean - "Things are terrible..."
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Wilson's things are hard. Wilson's "Things Are Hard..."
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Harold Wilson, "Things are Hard". Yeah, yeah.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40"We've only got lychees! Things are hard, we've only got lychees, guys!"
0:06:40 > 0:06:45How far into the menu would you drift off?
0:06:45 > 0:06:49That's a very good question. That's why I asked it. Yeah.
0:06:49 > 0:06:54My eye would be sort of fully open, like that, a little bit like...
0:06:54 > 0:06:56One, just one eye open?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59One eye open. Right. Always looking, always just checking,
0:06:59 > 0:07:01and then I would, say, by the end of the first page,
0:07:01 > 0:07:03the eye would be down.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06So, you used to go to sleep half a face at a time?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Can you remember the first time that this happened?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12It would've been...
0:07:12 > 0:07:16I think it was on Friday night, Mum and Dad would've been entertaining,
0:07:16 > 0:07:18and I laughed a lot and then fell asleep.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20So, what do you think, then?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22David Haye, how is this striking you?
0:07:22 > 0:07:26The detail... The fact that she knew straight away
0:07:26 > 0:07:27that it was a Friday night.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30You don't remember what day it was when you were seven. Oh, I do.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I can't remember last week. I get punched in the head for a living, but...
0:07:33 > 0:07:36But, David, they did it a lot, there was rep...
0:07:36 > 0:07:39They did it a lot. Repetition, eh? Repetition.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42So I knew the menu back to front cos they had to do it so often.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Well, as it's Chinese, it would be that way, wouldn't it?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Romesh, what are you thinking?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55I think it... No, I don't buy it.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57David? Actually, we've got two Davids.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59We'll call you The Haymaker and The Librarian.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02What are you thinking, David?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Well, I think I don't believe it.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05I like the system you've got there.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08"We're going to call you The Haymaker and The Librarian.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09So, what do you think, David?"
0:08:13 > 0:08:15I think... I don't think she's...
0:08:15 > 0:08:17At the age of seven,
0:08:17 > 0:08:21I think a seven-year-old child will require a coherent story.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24All right, so you're saying it's a lie? Well, let's find out.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Mel, Truth or Lie?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28The story was, in fact...
0:08:28 > 0:08:30a Lie!
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Our next round is called This Is My...
0:08:37 > 0:08:40where we bring on a mystery guest who has a close connection
0:08:40 > 0:08:42to one of our panellists.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Now, this week, each of David's team will claim it's them
0:08:45 > 0:08:47that has the genuine connection to the guest,
0:08:47 > 0:08:50and it's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53So, please welcome this week's special guest, Carlos.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03David Haye, what is Carlos to you?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06This is Carlos, and I accidentally knocked him down
0:09:06 > 0:09:07in a boxing demonstration.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Romesh, how do you know Carlos?
0:09:10 > 0:09:14This is Carlos. I once broke my strict vegan diet
0:09:14 > 0:09:16because I didn't want to offend him.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20And finally, David Mitchell, your relationship with Carlos?
0:09:20 > 0:09:24This is Carlos, he came to my house to deliver a pizza,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27but we ended up building a bed together.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31So, there we have it.
0:09:31 > 0:09:38Is Carlos David Haye's boxing buddy, Romesh's diet destroyer,
0:09:38 > 0:09:41or David Mitchell's DIY delivery guy?
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Lee, where do you want to start?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Uh, David Haye, The Haymaker.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Where was this demonstration?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Um, it was at my gym. At your gym.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52At my gym in Vauxhall. And you were demonstrating as...?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54I was demonstrating. He works in a school
0:09:54 > 0:09:56that I used to go to when I was a kid,
0:09:56 > 0:09:59and the kids came to the gym to do a boxing demonstration.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Oh, I see. And he got in the ring,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03and I do this thing where I let people punch me
0:10:03 > 0:10:06and I don't punch them back, and they get points
0:10:06 > 0:10:08if they can hit me in the face, because I'm really quick.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11OK. And, as I was doing that, I kind of put my arm out and...
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Jabbed. I don't normally hit people, I'm quite controlled,
0:10:13 > 0:10:15but this time it just sort of hit him, and...
0:10:15 > 0:10:18He wasn't "knocked-out" knocked-out, like asleep,
0:10:18 > 0:10:19but he was knocked on the floor.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21What did the kids do? They was laughing their heads off...
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Were they? So, basically, you have said to this poor man...
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Yeah... "Come in the ring, hit me in the face," and you've gone
0:10:27 > 0:10:30"Honestly, I won't hit you back." I promised him I wouldn't hit him back, yeah.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34And you hit him back. Yeah. I've done it hundreds of times and never hurt anybody.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36For those who... I mean, I'm a bit of an authority,
0:10:36 > 0:10:40but for those who don't know much about boxing, could you show us?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Could you just demonstrate what sparring is?
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Imagine you're you, and, say, Rob is Carlos...
0:10:46 > 0:10:47I can't, I can't,
0:10:47 > 0:10:51I can't... You can do it, you can do it. All right, I'll do it.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56You are tall. I'm six-one, you must be...
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Nothing sudden. OK, what we were doing...
0:11:00 > 0:11:02We had the gloves on, he was punching me,
0:11:02 > 0:11:04and I'm sort of blocking, so he's trying to hit me.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07So, shall I try and hit you? Yeah, you can try and hit me.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09I can try and hit you? What are you going to do back to me?
0:11:09 > 0:11:10That's all I want to know.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Oh, ha-ha! I had you then, didn't I?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Watch that one, watch that one. Oof!
0:11:19 > 0:11:23Oh, he's getting ready to hit me, I can feel it. I can feel it.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Can I give you one in the stomach? Go on, then. Ready?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Ready, here we go, ready? ALL: Ooh!
0:11:30 > 0:11:31HE SCREAMS
0:11:31 > 0:11:33I was going to give you a gentle one back.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35I don't want a gentle one back.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38No, no, no! It was very nice, thank you very much.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40As I said, I get back what I give you.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42MEL: That was hard...
0:11:43 > 0:11:46All right, who do you want to ask next?
0:11:46 > 0:11:51OK, so... Well... Romesh. You broke your vegan diet to be polite?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Yes. OK, so where were you?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55I was in a restaurant.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56And who is this gentleman to you?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58He worked at the restaurant. OK.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00MEL: What was it called, do you remember?
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Yes, it was called Benito's Hat.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07What did you order, Romesh? I went for a burrito, a vegetable burrito.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08So, it's Mexican food?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12It is Mexican, yes, Martin, I didn't know you were a connoisseur.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13And what was it he made you eat?
0:12:13 > 0:12:18Well, he.... I was sitting eating my burrito on my own,
0:12:18 > 0:12:19it was quite a dark scene,
0:12:19 > 0:12:25and then he came over and he said, "You're the comedian, aren't you?"
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Or he said, "You're a comedian," and I said, "Yes, I am."
0:12:27 > 0:12:29And he said, "We've got this for you."
0:12:29 > 0:12:31And... What was it? It was, like, this sort of...
0:12:31 > 0:12:33I don't what it's called, it was like a dessert,
0:12:33 > 0:12:36but it looked like it had more dairy in it
0:12:36 > 0:12:38than I'd ever seen in my life before.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42And dairy is not good for a vegan, they don't like dairy.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44It invalidates... You lose the badge.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Are there any vegans on the panel? I'm not a vegan. I'm not a vegan.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Not a vegan. So... You're a vegan? DAVID HAYE: I am.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52David Haye's a vegan!
0:12:52 > 0:12:54I eat a plant-based diet.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55A plant-based diet.
0:12:55 > 0:13:01I picture you like a brontosaurus, pulling trees up by their roots,
0:13:01 > 0:13:02just grabbing at the tall leaves.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Brontosauruses are vegans. I know, that's why I said it.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Yeah, they don't...
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Shall we change your blanket?
0:13:15 > 0:13:18So, it's a free dish, because he likes your comedy and...
0:13:18 > 0:13:22Yeah. So, he says, "Oh, we've got this for you."
0:13:22 > 0:13:24And I just sort of felt under pressure, you know,
0:13:24 > 0:13:27he was, like, he'd done a really nice thing.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30They'd cut the slice out of somewhere and they'd decorated it
0:13:30 > 0:13:32and they'd done a little thing with it, and I just thought,
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I don't want to go, "You've offended my sensibilities."
0:13:35 > 0:13:37So, how did it taste? I mean... Incredible.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40It was good. It was one of the best things I've eaten in a long time.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45I was vegetarian for about ten years,
0:13:45 > 0:13:50and I always said, "Nope, I'm not going to eat that, I'm vegetarian."
0:13:50 > 0:13:54Yes, ordinarily, if you're at a party or something and someone says, "Do you want this?"
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Had you been drinking? No, I'd not been drinking, no.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58DAVID HAYE: You could use that as an excuse.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Uh... Is that the type of vegan you are?
0:14:00 > 0:14:033 o'clock in the morning, eating a kebab, just, "I'm drunk, mate."
0:14:07 > 0:14:09What about...? He's called David.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Little David. Oh, the bed story.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Right, so... He called for a pizza,
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Carlos came round delivering the pizza
0:14:16 > 0:14:19and they ended up building a bed together.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Right. Ha! Well, what...?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Was the bed a flatpack then? Come on!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Is that how it came...? It was a flatpack, yeah.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Was it for yourself? No. Who was it for?
0:14:30 > 0:14:31It was for my parents.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Had they not visited before?
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Uh... Well, they had visited before, but not...
0:14:36 > 0:14:38They would sleep standing up?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43They'd not stayed the night before in that house.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46"We wanted to keep things on a formal standing."
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Do you think David orders pizzas?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53I can't imagine him ordering a pizza.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56It's amazing the things that people won't believe of me.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I can't you imagine him ordering a pizza. Orders pizzas?!
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Yes. Well, what else... He does?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04What else would he do in a situation where he needs food quickly?
0:15:04 > 0:15:07I think he'd order some sort of Roman feast, or a...
0:15:07 > 0:15:10I don't know. Or a Tudor meal.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I agree, I agree, but those sort of shops
0:15:12 > 0:15:15have been closing down at quite a speed recently.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19I can't imagine him just ordering a pizza... A Tudor meal?!
0:15:19 > 0:15:22I could just speed dial Tudor Meal.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24"I'll just have the Tudor meal number four.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27"With extra wrens."
0:15:27 > 0:15:30So, he knocks on the door. When he knocks on the door, did you immediately...
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Did you have a plan that, when the pizza man comes around,
0:15:33 > 0:15:36you're going to ask him, or is it a spur-of-the-moment thought?
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Well, the body of the last pizza man was beginning to smell, so...
0:15:40 > 0:15:43You murder one pizza man, then you have to murder another pizza man,
0:15:43 > 0:15:46that's the domino effect. I... The bed was...
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Sorry, carry on.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55And you'd been trying to make this bed on your own?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58I had. Which bit had you got to?
0:15:58 > 0:16:02I'd managed to get the sort of side bits in the bedhead bit.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Right. And some of the kind of slats were more or less in place.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Let's be honest, you've almost finished, then.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10You'd put the slats on already, but you still hadn't done the bottom.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Yeah, I couldn't... You didn't do the slats at the end?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Put the slats on before you attach the two side bits...
0:16:15 > 0:16:19What else had you done? Had you also made the bed and plumped the pillows?
0:16:19 > 0:16:21I mean... How far had you gone in the wrong order of all this?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24So, the doorbell goes, "Here's your pizza...
0:16:24 > 0:16:26"Oh, it's you! Hello, mate."
0:16:26 > 0:16:28"Here it is, extra pepperami."
0:16:28 > 0:16:31"There's the money." You give him the tip...
0:16:31 > 0:16:32I haven't given him the tip yet.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35The tip happens later.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36I give him a much... Oh, my God.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39"I want you to come to my bedroom, and then...
0:16:41 > 0:16:43"..there may be a tip in it for you."
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Er, no, I come to the door, quite hassled.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51I think possibly holding two or three random pieces of wood.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Um... Yes? And I say, "I'm terribly sorry,
0:16:55 > 0:16:57"but could you just help me with something...
0:16:57 > 0:17:01"..for a minute? I'm just trying to assemble a piece of furniture."
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Right. "And I just need someone to hold the other end
0:17:04 > 0:17:06"while I shove something in."
0:17:08 > 0:17:12I can't... I can't vouch that those were my exact words.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14All right, well, we need an answer.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17We need to rule one out, that would help.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20You could just rule one in, and then that's quicker.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22I'd rule Little David out.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Definitely. Rule Little David out?
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Yeah. Well, then we're left with The Haymaker, let's say,
0:17:27 > 0:17:31brutalising the teachers in a one-sided fight,
0:17:31 > 0:17:35or Romesh... I mean this in the nicest possible way, Romesh,
0:17:35 > 0:17:38but your face doesn't scream "accommodating".
0:17:45 > 0:17:47So, what's it going to be, Lee?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Time to make a choice.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51We want to go with David. The Haymaker.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53We'll go with The Haymaker. You're going with The Haymaker.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Big David Haye, you're saying it's a teacher,
0:17:56 > 0:17:58you accidentally knocked him down on the floor.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03Yeah. OK. Yep. Carlos, would you please reveal your true identity.
0:18:03 > 0:18:08Hello, my name is Carlos, and I made Romesh break his vegan diet.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15Yes! Carlos is Romesh's diet destroyer.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Thank you very much, Carlos.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25Which brings us to our final round, Quickfire Lies, and we start with...
0:18:25 > 0:18:28BUZZER It's Lee.
0:18:30 > 0:18:36In the last year, I have broken not one, but two world records.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39David's team.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41World records?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44You heard it right.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45What are they?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47It's darts world records, actually.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49The one sport I actually am not bad at.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Are they both in darts?
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Both, yes. Both records are in darts, both world records.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59And what are the two records in darts that you now hold?
0:18:59 > 0:19:02I am the world record holder
0:19:02 > 0:19:05for the most amount of number twos in a minute.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09And I'm also the world record holder
0:19:09 > 0:19:11for the most bull's-eyes in a minute.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15But not just the bull's-eyes, the green bit, the outer 25 as well.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Right, so the most number twos in a minute...
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Correct. ..and the most bull's-eyes. So, how many is it?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26That's a good question. I can't remember.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29The number twos, it's 18 number twos in a minute.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34Yeah. And the bull's-eyes, or 25s, was 12.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Did you get an official, like, records adjudicator?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38The Guinness Book Of Records were there, and...
0:19:38 > 0:19:41You're saying that you're in the Guinness Book Of Records?
0:19:41 > 0:19:45I'm going to be in the Guinness Book Of Records this year, yeah. How was it organised?
0:19:45 > 0:19:48A television programme got involved, so they booked the people.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50What television programme?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Know that programme that hasn't been on for 20-odd years?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Cheryl Baker. The new one, called Officially Amazing,
0:19:55 > 0:19:58which is the children's version, on children's television.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Do you watch children's television?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02I think the one you were talking about was also for children,
0:20:02 > 0:20:04it's just you were a child then.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Oh, yeah.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10And did they televise both of your records.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Did they think, "Cor, that twos one was good, let's have a look at that,
0:20:14 > 0:20:17"vary that up by having him aim at the bull's-eye"?
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Hmm. They told me in advance I could have a go at both world records.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22I think, to be fair, the first world record,
0:20:22 > 0:20:23the most number twos in a minute,
0:20:23 > 0:20:27was a world record that had never been attempted before.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28Oh, so there was no current...
0:20:28 > 0:20:33There was no record to beat, so one would have won it, technically?
0:20:33 > 0:20:34No, because they set a bar,
0:20:34 > 0:20:37they say you to be at least a minimum standard.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38It's not like your opponents.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45You have to... No, don't anger him, don't anger him.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48So, yeah, you have to reach a minimum standard,
0:20:48 > 0:20:50and I think the minimum standard they said for that was 14.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54But the bulls and 25s was an official record that did exist.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58What was the previous record? 11. And you got...? 12.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01What are you thinking, David? Well, what do you think?
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Aah... It sounds quite plausible.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08There's loads of those kids shows where they do those silly challenges...
0:21:08 > 0:21:11No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't undermine my moment.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13This wasn't a silly little challenge,
0:21:13 > 0:21:15this was the world record.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Yeah, but as you say, it was a world record that...
0:21:17 > 0:21:19The first one. Somebody's got to be the first one.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22No, but the other one wasn't. Someone was there, did two...
0:21:22 > 0:21:24The other one wasn't! Don't make me come over there, David!
0:21:24 > 0:21:27The other one already existed, and was 11, set by an American.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Romesh.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31I don't buy it. I just think that...
0:21:31 > 0:21:34I think that they wouldn't let you go for two records in a show.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Officially Amazing, I've never heard of.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39That isn't officially amazing, it's not official, nor is it amazing.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43Oh! If it was a show called Vaguely Interesting, then...
0:21:47 > 0:21:50OK, we'll say Lie. You're going to say Lie?
0:21:50 > 0:21:54OK. Lee, world record holder, twice.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Truth or Lie?
0:21:56 > 0:21:58It is, in fact...
0:21:58 > 0:21:59true.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Yes, it's true.
0:22:07 > 0:22:12Lee has broken two world records, and to prove it,
0:22:12 > 0:22:14here's a clip of Lee doing just that.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Time is running out!
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Come on, Lee. Get those darts in.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21A perfect set!
0:22:21 > 0:22:23In that attempt, you achieved...
0:22:25 > 0:22:2912, which is a brand-new Guinness World Record!
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Come on! Come on!
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Yes, well done, Lee, world record holder.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Next...
0:22:37 > 0:22:38BUZZER
0:22:38 > 0:22:39..it's Martin.
0:22:40 > 0:22:46I was once hospitalised after fooling around with a blow-up toy.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49David's team.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52What was the blow-up toy?
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Well, it was a lilo.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59A lilo? Just a normal flat lilo?
0:22:59 > 0:23:02It was a normal flat lilo, but it had a bit sticking out of it
0:23:02 > 0:23:08that held your margarita, like a cup-holder thing, on the edge.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Where were you, Club Tropicana?
0:23:10 > 0:23:14We were somewhere very similar to that - Ibiza.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17I was in the swimming pool, and...
0:23:17 > 0:23:20You know when you put your arms up here, on your lilo,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22as you're laying down? Yes.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26And someone came up underneath my lilo, pushed it over,
0:23:26 > 0:23:31and my arm completely goes out of socket, completely disjointed,
0:23:31 > 0:23:33sticking out like an L-shape.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36What happened to your margarita?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Spilt. How long did it take for your arm to heal up afterwards,
0:23:41 > 0:23:43to get back to normal? Great question, David.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Well, I get out and I'm on the side of the swimming pool
0:23:46 > 0:23:48and I'm in agony, screaming.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50All the other tourists were trying to name
0:23:50 > 0:23:53which tune it was that you were singing. Yeah.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59So, anyway, my wife calls the ambulance.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03Now, the ambulance that comes is one of those really small ones
0:24:03 > 0:24:05that they have in Spain,
0:24:05 > 0:24:09so when they tried to put me in the ambulance, I don't go in properly.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12LEE: How small was it?
0:24:12 > 0:24:16Because my arm's sticking out, and I can't get through the door.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19So, the guy gets out the ambulance, the ambulance man,
0:24:19 > 0:24:22and I'm screaming, and my wife is saying,
0:24:22 > 0:24:25"Give him something for the pain! Give him something for the pain!"
0:24:25 > 0:24:29So, the guy takes off his T-shirt, rolls it up into a little ball,
0:24:29 > 0:24:33puts it in my mouth and says, "Bite on this."
0:24:35 > 0:24:39I had to bite on his sweaty T-shirt to stop the pain.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Did that help with the pain? Well, it just stopped the screaming.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46How long did it take to heal up?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48I ask the question again, as you swerved it.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49I had to go to hospital.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52I understand that, but after you want to hospital,
0:24:52 > 0:24:54how long did it take for your arm to get back to normal?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Oh, no! I had an operation.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59I was in there... My client does not want to answer the question.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Once again... I'll tell you what happened...
0:25:02 > 0:25:04I was in there, and...
0:25:04 > 0:25:06You know...
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Tell you what, there's nothing wrong with your knees.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12I had to have the tendons sewn together.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Yeah. And you know when they wheel you into that recovery room?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17And, as you wake up...
0:25:17 > 0:25:20You'll know! ..as you wake up from kind of anaesthetic,
0:25:20 > 0:25:24you get really cold, don't you? So, I'm shivering away in bed
0:25:24 > 0:25:27and I'm saying to the people in the recovery room,
0:25:27 > 0:25:29"Oh, I'm freezing, I'm freezing."
0:25:29 > 0:25:33All of a sudden, this nurse, who was a huge, big woman,
0:25:33 > 0:25:39hears me saying that from across the other side of the room and...
0:25:40 > 0:25:41..she...
0:25:45 > 0:25:48She hears me saying it across the other side of the room
0:25:48 > 0:25:52that I'm cold, next minute she comes bounding across, lays on top of me,
0:25:52 > 0:25:55saying, "I'll keep him warm, I'll keep him warm!"
0:25:57 > 0:26:00It was like a terrifying version of Baywatch.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02I repeat...
0:26:02 > 0:26:05What kind of unorthodox medical procedures are going on over there?
0:26:05 > 0:26:09So, how long did it take you to recover?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15I'm just thinking, Martin,
0:26:15 > 0:26:19that if we wanted to bring this to life, to visualise it...
0:26:19 > 0:26:20MEL: Shall I be the nurse?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Mel, you should be the nurse.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Can I just say, I am only half...
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Half-dressed? I can't reveal day-wear.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Even to lie on Martin Kemp?
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Yeah, go on, I'll reveal day-wear.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37So, you're lying down...
0:26:38 > 0:26:43So, I'm lying down in bed. Watch your shoulder, now, Martin.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I'm lying down in bed...
0:26:45 > 0:26:47All right. Saying...
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Yes? "I'm freezing! I'm freezing!"
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Very cold. He's very, very cold. Please. I'm freezing!
0:26:52 > 0:26:55We need a nurse! We need a nurse! We need a nurse!
0:26:55 > 0:26:56I've got my...
0:26:56 > 0:26:58We need a nurse!
0:27:00 > 0:27:04This is terrible. We need a nurse! Take your chance, woman!
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Get on!
0:27:06 > 0:27:08ALL: Oh!
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Martin, are you all right? Yeah.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20I'm so sorry. Oh, that's awful.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26I'll tell you something, it was the last lilo I've ever got on.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32So, how long did it take to recover from this injury?
0:27:34 > 0:27:35Did that really happen?
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Now, then.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40What are you thinking? Truth or Lie?
0:27:40 > 0:27:41I think it's pure fallacy.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45Lie? I say, for sure, he's lying. Oh, yeah. Lie. We'll say Lie.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49You'll say it's a Lie. Martin Kemp, Lie or Truth?
0:27:49 > 0:27:51I think he means it's True.
0:27:51 > 0:27:55What is that? I thought you were expecting Mel
0:27:55 > 0:27:57to press your nipple and it would come up.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00This much is true.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09BUZZER
0:28:09 > 0:28:12That noise signals time is up and it's the end of the show.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15I can reveal that Lee's team have won by three points to two.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Thanks for watching. Goodnight.