0:00:24 > 0:00:27Good evening, and welcome to Would I Lie To You?, the show that
0:00:27 > 0:00:31sorts the facts from the fibs. On Lee Mack's team tonight -
0:00:31 > 0:00:34an actor who shot to fame as an Ewok.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37An Ewok is an alien being in the Star Wars films,
0:00:37 > 0:00:40and not, as I thought, an electronic cooking device.
0:00:40 > 0:00:45It's Warwick Davis. APPLAUSE
0:00:45 > 0:00:48And a comedian and actor whose father was a bishop,
0:00:48 > 0:00:52which meant, growing up, he was always on the move - diagonally.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56It's Hugh Dennis. APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:00:58And on David Mitchell's team tonight -
0:00:58 > 0:01:00he's the BBC's World Affairs editor,
0:01:00 > 0:01:03who's spent decades in the middle of mindless,
0:01:03 > 0:01:06stupid conflicts. So, welcome home -
0:01:06 > 0:01:10it's John Simpson. APPLAUSE
0:01:10 > 0:01:13And a comedian who once went onto a cookery show
0:01:13 > 0:01:16and made an omelette in 20 seconds.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19You've heard of death by chocolate, this was death by salmonella.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23It's Katherine Ryan. APPLAUSE
0:01:24 > 0:01:27And, so to Round One, Home Truths, where our panellists each
0:01:27 > 0:01:29read out a statement from the card in front of them.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31To make things harder, they've never seen the card before -
0:01:31 > 0:01:33they've no idea what they'll be faced with -
0:01:33 > 0:01:37and it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Katherine, you're first up tonight. OK.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45My motto is - "Never give a child a one-syllable name,
0:01:45 > 0:01:49"because life has taught me that people with one-syllable names
0:01:49 > 0:01:51"are generally dim."
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Lee.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Hugh, me and you. You're all right. Me? War-wick, yeah, that's fine.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03So, do you mean your own children, or nobody should
0:02:03 > 0:02:06give their children one-syllable names? It's just my motto.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08No-one should do it. Who do you base it on?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Anyone I've ever met with a... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Don't say ANYBODY you've ever met. Well, say what you're going
0:02:14 > 0:02:16to say first, and let's see where it goes.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Anybody you've ever met... with a one-syllable name?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Yes. Keep going. In my country. Oh, here we go.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29APPLAUSE Well, well rescued.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35I'm from Canada, and it started with boyfriends. I dated a Bob,
0:02:35 > 0:02:39I dated a Steve, and they were both... When was this? The 1970s?
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Sorry, Rob, that's a fine name. Bob, though, it's quite...
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Why is Bob a '70s name? Because Bob's not really the name of...
0:02:46 > 0:02:47I'm guessing this was a few years ago.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49It's not quite as "now" as Lee, I'll give you that.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55I mean, that doesn't smack of 1970s inner city deprivation, does it?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59I feel sorry for Dave in the middle there.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Hey, whoa, what about John? John's a very bright fella.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06He's got one syllable. Well, I'm on this programme.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09APPLAUSE
0:03:11 > 0:03:14You have this attitude towards British people as well?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16You were just saying that, weren't you? You actually do believe that
0:03:16 > 0:03:18everyone with a one-syllable name...
0:03:18 > 0:03:24I just think that, if you're expecting a child, you have a
0:03:24 > 0:03:28long time to consider it. You want to give that child a name
0:03:28 > 0:03:33that can transition them into any field of work in life.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37Hugh, how do you feel about all this, being a one-syllable loser?
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Are you offended?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41I'm not a one-syllable, cos that is my middle name.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44MURMURS OF INTRIGUE
0:03:46 > 0:03:48My God, it's like EastEnders, isn't it?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54My real name is Peter. Why are you called Hugh, then?
0:03:54 > 0:03:55I've always called you Hugh.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Because, you know when you joined Equity?
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Did you ever join Equity? 'Course I did! How dare you!
0:04:01 > 0:04:05So, when you join Equity, you can't have two actors with the same name.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07And there was another Peter Dennis, and he was...
0:04:07 > 0:04:11I was like, 23, and he was in his mid-60s. So my agent wrote to Equity
0:04:11 > 0:04:14and said, "Look, can our Peter Dennis be called
0:04:14 > 0:04:16"Peter Dennis? Because there's no chance of confusion with
0:04:16 > 0:04:18"the other Peter Dennis, who is about to retire, etc."
0:04:18 > 0:04:21And they wrote back and said, "Under normal circumstances, that
0:04:21 > 0:04:25"would be absolutely fine, but the problem is that the other
0:04:25 > 0:04:29"Peter Dennis is the chairman of the Equity Name Change Committee."
0:04:34 > 0:04:36So you don't see yourself as a one-syllable name, really?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38God, no. No, no, no.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43What's your partner's name?
0:04:43 > 0:04:46My partner moved to Japan this morning, so...
0:04:46 > 0:04:48What was his name? ..I think we broke up.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Are you serious? You think you broke up this morning?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53I think so, cos he just moved to... You THINK so?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Wow. Lee, Lee, move on.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Did he have a one-syllable name? No, his name's Alex.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06Alex. Yeah. Ah, lovely Alex. Or, as you'll now call him, Al.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Or Ex. APPLAUSE
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Nice. That's good. I'm very good.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Can I ask a question? So, you live by this rule, but have you
0:05:21 > 0:05:24ever thought about the psychology, what's going on here?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26I have thought it through.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30I think that dim parents just have dim children.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Can I just say, both my parents had one-syllable names.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39This is all starting to stack up.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41So, what do you think, Lee? Is she telling the truth,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43or has she made this all up?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Under normal circumstances, I would say,
0:05:45 > 0:05:46"She's just saying any old rubbish,"
0:05:46 > 0:05:48but she's under a lot of stress at the moment,
0:05:48 > 0:05:53because she broke up with someone. Not like last week, or a couple...
0:05:53 > 0:05:55This morning. This morning.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57That's added a new little energy to the room, hasn't it?
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Well, you know, if it is her main motto, and I'm sorry to hear that
0:06:01 > 0:06:06Alex has gone, but he's got two syllables, so it doesn't really
0:06:06 > 0:06:10work, does it? Because obviously he IS dim, leaving you. Aww!
0:06:10 > 0:06:12That was quite good. Oh, thank you.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17So, you think it's a lie? Yeah, I tend to think that, yeah.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19And you think...? I think it's a lie. We'd better go lie, then.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21You're going to say lie? I hope it's a lie.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25OK. Katherine, was it the truth, or were you telling a lie?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31It was a lie. I lied about it all! APPLAUSE
0:06:33 > 0:06:37Yes, it's a lie. Katherine doesn't go by the motto,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40"Never give a child a one-syllable name." Warwick, you're next. Ah.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46A possession. Ah. There will be a box under your desk. There is.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Put the object that's in the box on the desk first,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54and then read the card, please.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59This is the bottle of hand gel I use to wash my hands before I
0:06:59 > 0:07:01handle my main bottle of hand gel.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07David's team.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12I think we can see the reasoning behind that.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16So, explain your process.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20In this day and age, you have to be very conscious of germs.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23And I meet a lot of people and have to shake their hands, and some
0:07:23 > 0:07:27of them, you know... Are diseased. ..potentially a bit unsavoury.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31I will have a bottle of hand gel, cleanse my hands, then I can
0:07:31 > 0:07:33get the other bottle of hand gel now,
0:07:33 > 0:07:37the outside of which is not contaminated.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39So the second bottle remains pure the whole time? Very pure, yeah.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42But if you take the bottle in the hand you didn't shake
0:07:42 > 0:07:44the person's hand with... Yes, yeah.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48..so that hand is clean, all you need to do is just
0:07:48 > 0:07:51pour it on both hands. You'll have no problem.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Yeah, you make it sound so easy.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00I'll tell you how all this started, and I think there is some sort of...
0:08:00 > 0:08:03It started when you picked up that box and opened it.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07There is some sort of trauma that I've got, and it was from
0:08:07 > 0:08:10a time being in a gents' toilet... Don't.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16And what happened was... I have trouble reaching things in
0:08:16 > 0:08:18the toilets, you see, and on one occasion I went for...
0:08:18 > 0:08:20What are you trying to reach for?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26No wonder you need this stuff.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30This is how it developed. I squirted some of the cream soap on, right?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33LEE SNORTS On the wall, OK?
0:08:33 > 0:08:38But it was only then I realised I couldn't reach the tap.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42From that moment on, I pack a couple of bottles of hand gel.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45How soon after meeting us...? We were all here about tea-time today,
0:08:45 > 0:08:50weren't we? You came in with a lovely... "Great to see you again."
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Everyone was shaking hands. How soon after that did you
0:08:53 > 0:08:59scurry away, reach into your pockets, and furiously...?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04How long...? What's the gap?
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Well, it's just whenever I would get a quiet opportunity.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14I don't think this is the truth, because I've had several
0:09:14 > 0:09:17interactions with Warwick Davis, and I don't think that this is
0:09:17 > 0:09:20something I would have missed. He certainly didn't do it after...
0:09:20 > 0:09:22IMMEDIATELY after I shook hands with him.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24No. If he does it, he's subtle.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25You have to be, don't you?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28I mean, I can't be seen to be going, "Hello!"
0:09:30 > 0:09:32You know, because that's rude, isn't it?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35And it's not just "Hello, mmm."
0:09:35 > 0:09:38It's "Hello, mmm, mmm."
0:09:40 > 0:09:42You know how you can do it? If I'm sitting at a table
0:09:42 > 0:09:45and I meet somebody, I can do it down here.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49That's worse. APPLAUSE
0:09:49 > 0:09:51That's definitely worse.
0:09:51 > 0:09:56OK, it's time to take a guess. What are you going to say? It's a lie.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59It's a lie? Lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. You're saying it's a lie.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Warwick, was it the truth, or was it a lie?
0:10:02 > 0:10:03It was...
0:10:03 > 0:10:07a lie. APPLAUSE
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Yes, it's a lie. That isn't the hand gel that Warwick uses before
0:10:12 > 0:10:15his main bottle of hand gel.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17John, you're next. OK.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23I once crawled through passport control on my hands and knees
0:10:23 > 0:10:26because I'd forgotten to pack my passport.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Lee's team. Where was this?
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Er, Brussels.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36On the way in, or on the way out? On the way out.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Oh, it's horrible when Brussels are on the way out.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42So how...? When did you start the crawl?
0:10:42 > 0:10:47There was a passport official, sitting there, at this high desk,
0:10:47 > 0:10:50reading an adult magazine.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54Whoa, whoa, hang on, stop. Stop. Let's get that image, first of all.
0:10:54 > 0:10:59The man is at passport control, and he's reading a girlie magazine?
0:10:59 > 0:11:00First of all,
0:11:00 > 0:11:02why does he think he's allowed to do this and get away with it?
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Well, it was 9:30 at night. I suppose he thought he'd had
0:11:05 > 0:11:08the last passenger through. He, erm...
0:11:09 > 0:11:12You honestly want us to believe that everyone's going through,
0:11:12 > 0:11:13and he's, er...
0:11:30 > 0:11:34When did you realise you didn't have your passport?
0:11:34 > 0:11:39When I saw the desk, cos I put my hand in my pocket, and I realised
0:11:39 > 0:11:45I'd left it in my wife's car when she'd dropped me off at the airport.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49And how far would you say, approximately, the crawl was?
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Shall I show you? Please do, yes. OK. That would be even better. OK.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Now, also, I get to look at all the, erm...
0:12:01 > 0:12:03So he couldn't see me from behind.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Right. OK? That was the title of the magazine, was it?
0:12:09 > 0:12:12I see he's looking at the magazine, I see he's not looking at me.
0:12:12 > 0:12:17OK, so then you...? So I got up, and about here... Yeah?
0:12:17 > 0:12:23I got down on my knees and I crawled along here
0:12:23 > 0:12:28in front of him. The desk was much higher. OK. Much higher.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30It was about.. Like that.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33I think, actually, Rob, in your case,
0:12:33 > 0:12:37you'd better stand on the chair. APPLAUSE
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I would not put up with that. I would not put up with that.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45I don't mind it from him, but from an educated man like you...
0:12:45 > 0:12:47And so here...
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Whoa! Oh, hello.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Not on there, Rob! Don't stand on the desk, you fool.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56No, the desk is made out of papier mache.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Quite heroic, isn't it? It is. Magnificent.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05OK. Now... APPLAUSE
0:13:08 > 0:13:12OK. The desk is up to there.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16And I came along like this, only on my hands and knees.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Yeah, go on, keep going. And then I carried on a bit.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20And then I ran like the clappers!
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Just stay... Just stay there a minute.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Just in case I ever forget my passport.
0:13:27 > 0:13:32APPLAUSE
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Do you want a hand getting down, Rob?
0:13:38 > 0:13:40I'm all right. You're all right.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44So, what are you thinking? It's pretty ridiculous, isn't it?
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Actually, I think it's true. Oh, really? I'm going to go with true.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51So, Warwick says it's a lie, Hugh says it's true.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I will say it's true. OK, John.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Truth or lie?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Well, it's in fact completely true.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Oh! APPLAUSE
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Our next round is called This Is My..., where we bring on
0:14:09 > 0:14:12a mystery guest who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16This week, each of Lee's team will claim it's them that has the
0:14:16 > 0:14:18genuine connection to the guest, and it's up to David's team
0:14:18 > 0:14:20to spot who's telling the truth.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23So, please welcome this week's special guest, Michael.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28APPLAUSE
0:14:31 > 0:14:34So, Hugh, what is Michael to you?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36This is Michael.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41He once tried to sell the remains of my lunch for ?100.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Warwick, how do you know Michael?
0:14:44 > 0:14:45This is my neighbour, Michael,
0:14:45 > 0:14:49and I first met him when his shot put came over my garden fence.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Finally, Lee, what's your relationship with Michael?
0:14:53 > 0:14:58This is Michael, and last summer, I threw his phone in a boating lake.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01So, there we have it.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Is Michael Hugh's snack seller, Warwick's shot put slinger,
0:15:05 > 0:15:07or Lee's phoneless friend?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09David's team, where do you want to start?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Well, shall we start with Hugh?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14What was this lunch, and where were you having it?
0:15:14 > 0:15:20It was in a cafe in Cornwall... Oh, right. ..that Michael used to run.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24And I had a... Well, I had a sandwich, I think.
0:15:24 > 0:15:29Now, I knew nothing about this selling of my lunch
0:15:29 > 0:15:31until much later.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34I was told by a friend that, in fact, what had happened was that
0:15:34 > 0:15:39Michael had set up this thing in the cafe,
0:15:39 > 0:15:44called The Museum Of Celebrity Leftovers.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Sounds like the name of this show.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49APPLAUSE
0:15:51 > 0:15:54As far as I remember, there was this sort of little jar...
0:15:54 > 0:15:56A jar? ..with the leftover of the particular person.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Sort of like a specimen bottle.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02It wasn't like a proper leftover? It was just, essentially, crumbs?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05It was crumbs, then put into a glass...
0:16:06 > 0:16:09It wasn't just me. It was various celebrities. Various...
0:16:09 > 0:16:14Who were the other celebrities that featured? Yeah. Jan Leeming.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17I'll tell you what - at the moment, you are the best. Yeah.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Michael Winner, I think, was there. Oh, right. And...
0:16:23 > 0:16:28..Prince Charles. Whoa! Prince Charles?
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Do you know what Prince Charles had left?
0:16:31 > 0:16:33I think it was bread and butter pudding.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37How much did it go for, in the end?
0:16:37 > 0:16:41I don't know. Surely you know how much your own memorabilia...?
0:16:41 > 0:16:45The only bit of memorabilia I do know about was that, on eBay,
0:16:45 > 0:16:49my autograph - ?1.35.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54On a ?5 note, yes, yes.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Who would you like to ask next?
0:17:02 > 0:17:06So, Warwick, Michael is your next-door neighbour? Yes.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07What does Michael do for a living
0:17:07 > 0:17:09that he can afford to live next to you?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14He's a very successful businessman.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17And so the shot put is just a hobby for him?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Well, it was something he used to do in his younger days.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23He was in the army, and they used to have a sporting event,
0:17:23 > 0:17:27and the shot put was his particular speciality.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30So, if he... Describe the incident. OK. Erm...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I've got quite a large garden. I was having a walk round.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36I was on a two-day expedition.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43And I just heard a sort of thudding sound,
0:17:43 > 0:17:46and you could almost feel the ground vibrate a little bit. Mm-hm.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47And I thought, "What on earth was that?",
0:17:47 > 0:17:51and looked around, and behind me was
0:17:51 > 0:17:53what I thought at the time was a cannonball.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57It had made a big divot in my lawn.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00You thought you were under fire from a medieval army.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Yeah, well, I didn't know what had happened,
0:18:02 > 0:18:04and your instinct is to look up, you know?
0:18:04 > 0:18:07I don't know what I was expecting to see, but I looked around,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10and then I heard this little voice go, "Sorry!"
0:18:10 > 0:18:14And I looked towards the fence, and Michael was looking over...
0:18:14 > 0:18:16If you'd had any sense, you'd have got it next to your head,
0:18:16 > 0:18:17laid down like that.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Where there's blame, there's a claim.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26May I approach Michael? You may approach Michael.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28OK, so, like...
0:18:28 > 0:18:32One of my many talents is that I can spot wealth in a man.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41And yet, when I do this to women...
0:18:44 > 0:18:49So, from your inspection, Katherine, do you think that Michael is
0:18:49 > 0:18:51sufficiently affluent to live next door to Warwick?
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Where do you think Warwick lives? In Graceland, or somewhere?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58He's been in a few films! With no disrespect...
0:19:01 > 0:19:04I doubt it's like Simon Cowell's house.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07APPLAUSE What about Lee?
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Erm, Lee. Yes. You threw Michael's phone in a lake.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13See? He agrees. It's the truth.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Why did you throw his phone in a lake?
0:19:17 > 0:19:22Because I was trying to give him his phone back.
0:19:22 > 0:19:27And he was in a boat, on the lake? No. I was in the boat.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28Do you know Michael?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31No. How did you know it was his phone?
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Because he was shouting at me from the bank.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38Not the ba... I don't mean he was drawing money out, I mean the side.
0:19:38 > 0:19:43He was saying, "Throw me my phone across the water," to somebody
0:19:43 > 0:19:47he'd never seen before, and whose throwing qualities he didn't know?
0:19:47 > 0:19:50No. This is what I heard at the time. "'Scuse me!"
0:19:50 > 0:19:52DISTANTLY: "My te... in your boat."
0:19:53 > 0:19:56"What?" He said, "I think I...tele...in your boat."
0:19:58 > 0:20:01"Here, mate, you're miles away." And he said,
0:20:01 > 0:20:05"My telephone is in your boat!"
0:20:06 > 0:20:08And I thought, "That's an unusual way to talk,"
0:20:08 > 0:20:10cos I was shaking his hand at the time.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16Eventually, I worked out he was saying, "My phone is in your boat."
0:20:16 > 0:20:20So, I sort of look around and, sure enough, under my seat was a phone.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Well, why didn't he just wait until you reached the shore?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Which is what he wanted to do. What he wanted to happen.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30But I, being a bit more confident in my throwing abilities
0:20:30 > 0:20:34than I should be, thought, "Well, I'll row towards him a bit."
0:20:34 > 0:20:36And I went like that, and I just did the worst throw I've ever done.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38And it just went straight into the water.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Do you know Michael's surname?
0:20:41 > 0:20:42I don't, no.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45How did you get on to him to invite him onto the programme?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Oh, I think you'll find that I don't deal with the admin.
0:20:48 > 0:20:53APPLAUSE
0:20:55 > 0:20:59But it seems to me not absolutely impossible that the admin
0:20:59 > 0:21:03people would have said, "That's an interesting story, Lee." Yes.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06"What's Michael's other name, so that we can get in touch with him?"
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Well, you haven't heard the rest of the story, have you?
0:21:08 > 0:21:12Cos I felt guilty, and so I decided to buy him a new phone.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14And so I said, "Give me your number,"
0:21:14 > 0:21:18cos obviously, his home number, "and I will phone you when I've
0:21:18 > 0:21:20"got the other phone for you, and I'll deliver it."
0:21:20 > 0:21:23So when the people working on this show heard the story and said,
0:21:23 > 0:21:26"Cor, blimey, that's quite fascinating.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28"I don't suppose you know his surname, do you?"
0:21:28 > 0:21:31I said, "I don't, but I've got his number, right here."
0:21:31 > 0:21:34They said, "Great. Chuck it over." Well, I threw it...
0:21:34 > 0:21:37APPLAUSE It went straight out the window.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Landed in a puddle.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42We need an answer.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45So, David's team, is Michael Hugh's snack seller,
0:21:45 > 0:21:50Warwick's shot put slinger, or Lee's phoneless friend?
0:21:50 > 0:21:51Well, Hugh's story...
0:21:51 > 0:21:55I don't think Hugh was even trying to make his story that believable.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59No. And so there's a chance that it's a fiendish double-bluff,
0:21:59 > 0:22:01and that means it's true.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05I love the idea of a celebrity leftover museum. But it sounds...
0:22:05 > 0:22:06What, do you?
0:22:08 > 0:22:09I've been to Cornwall,
0:22:09 > 0:22:13and it sounds like it could be quite an attraction.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16APPLAUSE
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Erm... Warwick's story, that could be true.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Michael, he looks like a shot putter. Mm-hm.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30I mean, he wouldn't put it over somebody else's fence, would he?
0:22:30 > 0:22:33So what are you saying? You think it's LEE? Well...
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Katherine, which way are you leaning?
0:22:37 > 0:22:41I feel like the shot put story is real,
0:22:41 > 0:22:46and that is because Warwick looked up to Michael a lot.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48I feel like they have a certain intimacy.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Then again, it could be on the boating lake, the phone mishap.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55It is.
0:22:55 > 0:23:00I feel like a more likely admin story as to why Michael is here,
0:23:00 > 0:23:02after Lee throwing his phone off the boat,
0:23:02 > 0:23:06is perhaps Michael got on social media, and was like,
0:23:06 > 0:23:08"Lee Mack threw my phone into a lake,"
0:23:08 > 0:23:11and the show reached out that way.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I don't want to stereotype,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16but to me, Michael looks more like someone who threw a shot put in the
0:23:16 > 0:23:21army a few years ago, than someone who's massive on social media.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25Yes. APPLAUSE
0:23:27 > 0:23:30So, what's it going to be? We're going to go with Warwick. Warwick.
0:23:30 > 0:23:35OK. Michael, would you please reveal your true identity?
0:23:35 > 0:23:40My name is Michael, and I did try to sell the remains of a lunch.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46APPLAUSE
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Thank you very much, Michael.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Which brings us to our final round, Quick-Fire Lies,
0:23:58 > 0:24:00and we start with...
0:24:02 > 0:24:03It's David.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Last summer, I lost a tennis match when
0:24:08 > 0:24:13a bee buzzed up the leg of my shorts at a crucial moment.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Lee's team.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Right. What was the crucial moment?
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Match point.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25What was the score at that point, in sets?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I'll be honest - we only played one set.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32And what was the score in games at that point?
0:24:32 > 0:24:36At that point? Yes.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37The score in games...
0:24:39 > 0:24:44I think you know what I'm asking you, David. ..was 5-4.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47To you? 3, 2, 1, I'm going to tell you...
0:24:48 > 0:24:52It was 5-4. To you. No, no, I lost.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Oh, I see, at a crucial point.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Right, so, did this bee sting you, or did he come in,
0:24:57 > 0:24:59have a quick shufti, and exit?
0:24:59 > 0:25:02A shufti and exit. Did it exit out the other leg?
0:25:03 > 0:25:06No. Or was anything blocking his passage?
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Do you play regularly? I don't really, no.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13I used to play more regularly, but now I play...
0:25:13 > 0:25:15What standard would you say you are?
0:25:15 > 0:25:18If zero is someone that's never played ever,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20and ten is Boris Becker, what are you?
0:25:21 > 0:25:22What's one?
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Tim Henman.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Well, in which case, I'm probably a 0.3.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Would you give us a demonstration of your serve technique?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Oh, yes, that...
0:25:37 > 0:25:40It would be lovely, I think, for Lee and his team if they had an idea.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42They look at this serve, they say, "Well, there's a guy
0:25:42 > 0:25:45"who wouldn't be bamboozled by a bumble," or maybe "he would."
0:25:45 > 0:25:49All right. I have to say, I think this is totally pointless.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53But I'll do it. Shall we say...?
0:25:53 > 0:25:55I like a man who joins in with the fun.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59I'm so sorry, this is just a waste of your time.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03This is the racquet, in my right hand. David, why don't...?
0:26:07 > 0:26:08I'm so sorry, I...
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Rob... OK, caught it.
0:26:24 > 0:26:25Ready? Are you going to actually...?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27You're not going to fire it at me, are you?
0:26:27 > 0:26:30No, I'll... Aim it over there. I'll zing it down that way.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Please do, yeah. OK.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Well, it's a bit... Bit tepid, David. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
0:26:40 > 0:26:44That's barely even over the net. You don't believe I serve like that? No.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47I want to see your feet off the ground, and put some...
0:26:47 > 0:26:48I want to see you grunting.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Oh, hang on! Wait a minute!
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Haven't got a ball, have you? It went over there.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08All right, ready? Right, go on, then.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11I'm going to grunt. Go for it. I'm going to put my back into this.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Go on, then. I'm going to show I want it.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15What you doing that with your hand for?
0:27:15 > 0:27:17You trying to get rid of the bees?
0:27:17 > 0:27:19I'm bouncing the ball. Looks like you're congratulating a small child.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22"Well done, son. You did very well."
0:27:22 > 0:27:24OK, and... BZZZZ!
0:27:24 > 0:27:27GRUNTS EXCESSIVELY APPLAUSE
0:27:27 > 0:27:30That was lovely, thank you. That was lovely. That was...
0:27:34 > 0:27:36That was more than we could ever have hoped for.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Thank you. What do you think?
0:27:38 > 0:27:39He doesn't look like a tennis player.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41He probably has picked up a tennis racquet.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43I don't think he's claiming to be at county level.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46He doesn't look like he would be at any level. No.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48I just... I don't think...
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I think that's a lie. You think it's a lie. Yeah.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Warwick. I think it's a lie, cos he...
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Maybe a bee flew up his shorts when he was having an ice cream,
0:27:56 > 0:27:58but he definitely wasn't...
0:28:03 > 0:28:07That's the most belittling thing I've ever heard on this show.
0:28:07 > 0:28:11OK, we'll say it's a lie. OK. David.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Was that the truth, or was it a lie?
0:28:13 > 0:28:16It was a lie. APPLAUSE
0:28:19 > 0:28:21BUZZER SOUNDS That noise signals time is up.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24It's the end of the show, and I can reveal that Lee's team
0:28:24 > 0:28:29have won 4-1. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Thanks for watching. Goodnight.
0:28:59 > 0:29:00DISTANT RINGING What?!
0:29:02 > 0:29:05DISTANT RINGING What?!