0:00:22 > 0:00:23Good evening.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Welcome to Would I Lie To You? -
0:00:25 > 0:00:28the show with naked truths and well-dressed lies.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30On David Mitchell's team tonight
0:00:30 > 0:00:34- a TV presenter whose nickname at school was Little Winkle.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38So was mine, but for very different reasons. It's Claudia Winkleman!
0:00:38 > 0:00:41APPLAUSE
0:00:41 > 0:00:44And, arguably the funniest man in Wales. Well, I would argue.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48It's Rhod Gilbert! APPLAUSE
0:00:48 > 0:00:51And, on Lee Mack's team tonight - she's an actress,
0:00:51 > 0:00:54best known for appearing in EastEnders and Doctor Who.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Bizarre humanoids acting like no earthling ever would,
0:00:58 > 0:01:01EastEnders is regularly watched by over 10 million viewers.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Tracy-Ann Oberman! APPLAUSE
0:01:05 > 0:01:08And, he's the star of Made In Chelsea,
0:01:08 > 0:01:11and heir to the McVitie's biscuit fortune.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Yes, blond hair and ginger nuts, it's Jamie Laing.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17APPLAUSE
0:01:18 > 0:01:21So, we begin with Round One, Home Truths, where our panellists
0:01:21 > 0:01:24each read out a statement from the card in front of them.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Now, to make things harder, they've never seen the card before.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30They've no idea what they'll be faced with.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction,
0:01:33 > 0:01:35and we're starting tonight with Claudia.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37OK, good.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40When I meet someone for the very first time,
0:01:40 > 0:01:45I automatically make a mental note of what animal I think they are.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Once it's in, I never forget it.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50- Lee's team.- Do I raise...? I don't raise my hand, do I?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- Do you need to go to the toilet? - You can!
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Jamie, just to be clear - you may be dressed like a seven-year-old,
0:01:56 > 0:01:59but you don't have to behave like one.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02APPLAUSE
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- Claudia, so, we met for the first time.- Yes.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- What animal did you choose...? - Ferret.- A ferret?!
0:02:09 > 0:02:15- Why a ferret?- Well, small, friendly, could pet, not in a weird way.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Immediately - ferret.- And will you always see him as a ferret now?
0:02:18 > 0:02:19- That's it. - That's it, you're done.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23I mean, you might have another name, well done, but in my mind - ferret.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- Can you do all of us with that system?- Of course. Beaver.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- APPLAUSE - She talking to you, or me?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- Which one?- You. - Me? Why am I a beaver?
0:02:33 > 0:02:37- You're a cat.- Oh, I'd love to be a cat! I'm so glad.- You're a cat.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- Whoa, whoa, whoa, beaver?- Yes.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41- Why a beaver?- It's just automatic. I mean, I'm not...
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- I can see that. I can see it. - Yeah, I can see it.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Beavers have got big teeth, and they're like...
0:02:46 > 0:02:47A bit smelly-looking.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51And your point is? No, you're a total, total beaver.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55- Common cuckoo, this one. - What?- A common cuckoo.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- Why a cuckoo? - Normally, I don't think about it.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Common cuckoo, owl, puppy. End of.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10- Ah. What...? - APPLAUSE
0:03:10 > 0:03:14What breed? You can't just say puppy, there's got to be a breed.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16All right, if I'm pushed, red setter.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- Yes.- Happy with that.- Well, I think I'm the only one who isn't happy.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22I'm a cuckoo.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Whoa, whoa, I'm not particularly happy with the beaver.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29I'm pleased with owl, I'll be honest. I'm happy with that.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- I would love owl. I would have loved owl.- You're nowhere close to an owl.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38So, Claudia. I say Claudia, I mean meerkat.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- You have got a bit of meerkat about you, haven't you?- OK.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- If I was going to do it to myself - camel.- Camel. Why camel?
0:03:46 > 0:03:51I'm pure camel. I'm 100% camel. Maybe 3% mouse.
0:03:51 > 0:03:553% mouse, 97% camel. That was a hell of a mum and dad relationship.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59You wouldn't like to be the mouse in that relationship, would you?
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Why do you do it?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Does it help you remember the person's name, or something?
0:04:04 > 0:04:05I've just done it forever.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09I think we might have started when we were young,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12and we had a teacher who was a little bit human, but mainly cow.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Well, she's certainly given an encyclopaedic response.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20She has done very well. In fact, I would say it's instant with you.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Done. Name anybody.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24So, without pausing or hesitating,
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- tell us all again what we are. - OK, easy.- Go on.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Cat, beaver, ferret, common cuckoo,
0:04:30 > 0:04:34- owl, baby red setter. - APPLAUSE
0:04:35 > 0:04:37I just do it, I can't help it.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42- So what are you thinking, Lee?- So, do we...?- True.- You think it's true.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Yeah, I... Yeah, I think it's true.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Genuinely, I think it's not true, but there's one bit in it
0:04:47 > 0:04:50that makes it feel true - the word Claudia.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- You're saying it's true?- It's true. - OK, Claudia, truth or lie?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57It is a...
0:04:57 > 0:05:01- ..lie!- No!- Oh, my God! - APPLAUSE
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Yes, it's a lie.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Claudia doesn't think of an animal every time she meets someone.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09Jamie, you're next.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14I once set a sauna on fire.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- What? How?- I was in Brazil. - Of course.
0:05:18 > 0:05:23- And I was in the sauna, and I decided to pour vodka...- Oh, my God.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25..on the rocks of the sauna.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- Cos you thought that's what vodka on the rocks was?- Yeah.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Look, how it started was my friend told me - I was in Cornwall,
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- of all places - and my friend... - Can I jump in here and say,
0:05:35 > 0:05:37did your parents know you were drinking?
0:05:38 > 0:05:42I wasn't a minor. I was 18 and a half.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46- Isn't "18 and a half," 18, once you get to be an adult?- Well, no.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50That's so true! Who says 18 and a half?
0:05:52 > 0:05:53You were in Cornwall.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I was in Cornwall, and my friend said to me, "If you go and
0:05:56 > 0:05:59"lie in the bath, and pour vodka in it, like a shot of vodka..."
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- In the bath? - In the bath, it gets you drunk.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- I didn't go and do it, but then... - A shot of vodka in a bath?
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Because of the fumes, it gets you drunk, so I was in Brazil,
0:06:09 > 0:06:13travelling, and my friend had a sauna in their apartment,
0:06:13 > 0:06:19- so I was left alone, and...- I've heard about these Brazilian slums.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21So you're left alone in this flat?
0:06:21 > 0:06:22I was left alone...
0:06:22 > 0:06:25With a bottle of vodka, and you thought, "If only there was
0:06:25 > 0:06:29"some way I could use this bottle of vodka to make me become drunk."
0:06:29 > 0:06:34- Well... - APPLAUSE
0:06:34 > 0:06:36- Where were you in Brazil? - I was in Rio.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Ah, that is in Brazil, yep. Tick.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41- A solid answer, a solid answer. - Continue.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44In Rio. I was in a foreign country, I was young, I was experimenting,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46so I thought, "Why not experiment with...?"
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Why did you look at me when you said you were experimenting?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I decided to take the bottle of vodka into my sauna,
0:06:51 > 0:06:53and pour it onto the rocks.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55As I poured it onto the rocks, it went into flames,
0:06:55 > 0:06:56and it burnt the sauna.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59So you poured it onto the rocks, and immediately, what happened?
0:06:59 > 0:07:04- So I poured it onto the rocks... - Just one shot, or the whole bottle?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- Half a bottle, so... - Half a bottle of vodka.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10At 18 and a half, you change the rules.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14And so the fire engines turned up, and...
0:07:14 > 0:07:16No, hang on, we've missed a beat here.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18You're in the sauna, and you've poured half
0:07:18 > 0:07:23- a bottle onto the rock things, flames are appearing.- Yes.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25You're sitting there - what are you wearing?
0:07:25 > 0:07:26- Er...- David!
0:07:26 > 0:07:30- Well, I was going to go...- They've told me to make the show sexier.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31I was going to...
0:07:31 > 0:07:32So I was going to go in naked,
0:07:32 > 0:07:35because I thought that's what you do, but I actually put on my
0:07:35 > 0:07:38swimming trunks, so I wore swimming trunks in there.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40How low down your leg did they go?
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Mine are slight... They're not too long...
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Give me some inches above the knee.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- I would say about seven inches. - Above the knee?- Above the knee.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50If you go seven inches above my knee, you get to my waist.
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- APPLAUSE - Nice. Nice.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- So you're sitting in there, in your trunks, on the slats.- Mm-hm.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03And the flames have started. What are you doing?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06No, I thought the best option was to pick them up and throw them...
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- The rocks?- Yeah, cos I thought... - What?- They must be boiling hot.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Well, that's what I found out, obviously.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11What do you mean, you found out?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13You must have suspected they were hot,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16cos you knew they were producing the heat, surely.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17But you... In that panic...
0:08:17 > 0:08:20No, not even in a panic do I go, "I'll throw the hot rocks."
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Bear in mind, he was 18 and a half.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25So I try and pick up the rocks, to throw them out the door,
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- and realise they were...- Out of the door?- Yeah, cos there's a...
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Cos there's a door into the sauna.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Cos you really wanted, at this point,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34to spread the fire to the rest of the apartment.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37What's on the other side of the door? The hall? The living room?
0:08:37 > 0:08:38- What?- A lovely balcony.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39I know you can...
0:08:39 > 0:08:43So you want to throw them on the passers-by outside?
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Nothing says Rio like a falling, flaming vodka rock.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53My thought process was to pick up the rocks,
0:08:53 > 0:08:55throw them out the door, and it would have been fine.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58However, I picked up the rocks, they were too hot,
0:08:58 > 0:09:00so they fell on the ground, and the fire went.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- How could you not know that the rocks are hot?- Lee, I told you...
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Are you so posh you don't understand the concept of coal?
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Have you ever gone to...?
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Have you ever cooked something, and you open up the oven,
0:09:10 > 0:09:11and gone to take it out with your hands?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13- No. - No!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15OK.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- So, David, what is your team thinking about this?- Claudia?
0:09:18 > 0:09:19I think it's true.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Apartment, balcony, he's waiting for everyone to go, trunks on,
0:09:23 > 0:09:26vodka there. Finally, everything comes into place.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- There we go.- "Finally, a chance to put my trunks on. Everyone's out."
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- What do you think?- I'm on your side. It doesn't matter what I think.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I'm just interested to know.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- So what are you going to say, then? - I think we'll say true.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43- OK, Jamie, were you telling the truth, or was it a lie?- It was...
0:09:43 > 0:09:48- ..true.- Ooh! - APPLAUSE
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Yes, it's true. Jamie did set a sauna on fire.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Right, Rhod, you're next.
0:09:54 > 0:10:01OK. A mistake I made in France meant someone in England got hospitalised.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- Lee's team. - Have you just learned to read?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12APPLAUSE
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Was the mistake you made in the French language?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- Yes.- It's a simple question, Rhod - was it in the French language?- Yes!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20In the language of French.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22It's a simple question with a simple answer - yes, it was. Oui.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Can you tell us the mistake you made, please?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27The mistake I made got somebody hospitalised, that was the...
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I didn't say... No, no, no.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- APPLAUSE - That's not worthy of a clap.- No.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35- What was the mistake?- What was the mistake?- Qu'est que c'est...?
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Lee, I'll take it from here.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40What was the nature of this mistake?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43It was a language thing. It was a French/English mix-up.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44It was a mix-up. A terrible mix-up.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46A terrible mix-up, language mix-up, terrible.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47What were you doing in France?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49I was, er... I was on the phone.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I was in France, I was working in France, and I was on the phone.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- Working in France. - I was on the phone to England,
0:10:57 > 0:11:00and I made a mistake with my French/English translation.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Who received the mistake? - A girl. A girl.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- What was her name?- Anne. - What colour hair does she have?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08I don't know. She was on the phone.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11APPLAUSE
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- So you never met Anne? - I never met her, never met her.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17So can you talk us through the incident?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19I was asked by someone in France,
0:11:19 > 0:11:21they said, "Can you talk to somebody in England?"
0:11:21 > 0:11:26- Why did they ask YOU to do that? - Because...
0:11:26 > 0:11:28- ..they didn't speak English.- Right.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30What was the relationship between Anne and the person that had
0:11:30 > 0:11:31asked you to talk?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Oh, that was Anne's father. He said, "Can you speak to Anne?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36"She's in England. And we're in France.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37"And ask her what's wrong with her."
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- How did you know him? What was the relationship?- How did you know him?
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- There's a new angle.- Oh, I knew him... Oh, you should have asked.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44I knew him because, erm...
0:11:44 > 0:11:46I worked in France. I was in a school. I worked in a school.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- He was the caretaker. - What were you doing in school?
0:11:48 > 0:11:52- I was teaching English.- Now, his daughter, she's French?- Yes.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54- She's living in England? - Yeah.- Now...
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- No, no, she wasn't living, she was on a very short exchange.- Right.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Now, in the words of A Question Of Sport, what happened next?
0:12:03 > 0:12:06He came to me, said, "Can you talk to my daughter, Anne?
0:12:06 > 0:12:07"She's ill, she's in England."
0:12:07 > 0:12:10She couldn't speak to the family she was with, that's the problem.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12So she didn't know how to speak to the family?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14She couldn't speak to the family, cos the family was...
0:12:14 > 0:12:16How is you speaking to her going to help that?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Right, here's the situation. Anne could talk to her dad,
0:12:18 > 0:12:20and tell him what was wrong with her in French, but he couldn't say that
0:12:20 > 0:12:23to the family cos they didn't speak French, and he didn't speak English,
0:12:23 > 0:12:25so I spoke to her in French,
0:12:25 > 0:12:26then I passed it on to the family in English.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29"What's wrong with her?" I passed that on to them in English,
0:12:29 > 0:12:30then I passed it back to him in French.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Everyone's happy, except...
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- That's fine. - APPLAUSE
0:12:35 > 0:12:39You said that you made a mistake that caused this person
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- to be hospitalised.- That's right, I did, yeah.- What did you do wrong?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44What did you say wrong?
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- I said... - SPEAKS FRENCH
0:12:47 > 0:12:48All that, you know. As you do.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52- And she said... - SPEAKS ECHOING FRENCH
0:12:52 > 0:12:59- Was she stuck in the bell tower? - APPLAUSE
0:12:59 > 0:13:02I know what's wrong with her! Is it something to do with her back?
0:13:02 > 0:13:06- J'ai un angines.- And what is that? What does that mean?- Well, I said...
0:13:06 > 0:13:08I got the English family on the phone, and I said,
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- "Hey! She's got an angina." - And that's a mistake, right?
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Well, angina, I found out later, is a serious heart condition,
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- so she was hospitalised.- Right. But what was wrong with her?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20"Angines" is a sore throat. I didn't know that at the time.
0:13:20 > 0:13:25- Oh. - APPLAUSE
0:13:25 > 0:13:27And what happened? Did they then rush her to this hospital?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29They called 999, and got her into hospital, yeah.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Neuf neuf neuf?
0:13:33 > 0:13:37OK. So, Lee, what are you thinking? Could it be true?
0:13:37 > 0:13:38I don't think Anne is a French name.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40That's the one bit in it that I don't believe.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- Anne-Marie?- Who's she? - Don't know.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49APPLAUSE
0:13:54 > 0:13:56What an absolutely amazing answer!
0:14:00 > 0:14:03That's one of the funniest things anybody's ever said.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- I believe it to be true.- You believe it to be true.- Mm-hm.- OK.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10It was so tortuous getting that story out,
0:14:10 > 0:14:11that it has to be the truth.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- Yeah.- Lee, you think so too? - It could not be any truer.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- Rhod, truth or lie? - Of course, it is...
0:14:18 > 0:14:22- ..true. - APPLAUSE
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Our next round is called This Is My...,
0:14:26 > 0:14:28where we bring on a mystery guest
0:14:28 > 0:14:31who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33This week, each of David's team will claim it's them
0:14:33 > 0:14:35that has the genuine connection to the guest,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38and it's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41So, please welcome this week's special guest, Tony.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43APPLAUSE
0:14:48 > 0:14:52Right, let's start with you, Claudia. What is Tony to you?
0:14:52 > 0:14:54This is Tony. He's my builder.
0:14:54 > 0:14:59He drove for over an hour to come to my house to fix my TV, and it turned
0:14:59 > 0:15:04out all I needed to do was change the batteries in the remote control.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Rhod, how do you know Tony?
0:15:06 > 0:15:11This is Tony, and we played in a band together, where we both
0:15:11 > 0:15:15played guitar, except only his was plugged in, cos I can't play a note.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- David, what is your relationship with Tony?- This is Tony,
0:15:19 > 0:15:23and I regularly go round to his house to play with his Lego.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28So, there we have it.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32Claudia's helpful handyman, Rhod's musical mate, or David's play pal.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Lee's team, where would you like to begin?
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- OK, let's start with Claudia.- Yes. - How do you know him?
0:15:37 > 0:15:38He built my house.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- GASPS - Out of Lego? Is it a combined story?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45What happened is my telly didn't work, and so I thought...
0:15:45 > 0:15:49- I got it, I got it. Did he put the television in the house?- Yeah.- Yes.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52So he built this from scratch? As in, it was foundations up?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Well, no, but he did the other stuff.- What other stuff?
0:15:55 > 0:15:57You know, the building.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01No, the painting. Help me!
0:16:02 > 0:16:04- You know, the other stuff. - The painting.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06- The television wasn't working. - Correct.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- You thought, "I'll call my builder." - That's what happened!
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Why did you think the builder is responsible for the television?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15I thought he would know about things falling off...
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- I've got an unstable roof. - You've got an unstable MIND!
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- APPLAUSE - Why are you clapping?
0:16:23 > 0:16:27The telly didn't work, the little puffin, baby, yeah?
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- He wanted to watch the telly...- What do you mean, "little puffin baby?"
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- Stop talking to me! - Whoa, whoa, whoa...
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I thought you said that YOU wanted to watch the telly.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- I did. The family. - But then, what was puffin doing?
0:16:39 > 0:16:40I only want to watch what he wants to watch.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Who in the love of God is the puffin?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46I can't work out whose mind is the worst, Claudia's or yours.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48She said, "I wanted to help out the little puffin."
0:16:48 > 0:16:51And, instead of going, "What's the puffin got to do with it?",
0:16:51 > 0:16:53you went, "Well, hang on, who wanted to watch the telly,
0:16:53 > 0:16:54"you or the puffin?"
0:16:54 > 0:16:56It doesn't matter whether he wants to watch the telly.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59"What's the puffin doing there?" is the next question.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Anyway, so Tony went, "No problem," because...
0:17:02 > 0:17:06TELL US WHAT THE PUFFIN WAS DOING IN THE HOUSE!
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- And I'm not moving on. - No, that's not his real name.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- He's called Arthur, but... - Who's Arthur?- Her child!
0:17:12 > 0:17:15That's all I wanted!
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Did you go to the Rhod Gilbert School of Explanation?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22CLAUDIA SHRIEKS Let's move this on.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- Then he arrives, and he gets to the house.- Yeah.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27And he comes in, and what happens?
0:17:27 > 0:17:29And I say, "Something must have fallen off the roof, Tony."
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Meaning the aerial or the dish?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33But didn't you see that little red light in the bottom corner
0:17:33 > 0:17:34that wasn't green?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Interesting.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41And did he fix it straight away, or did he not have the tools?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Watch his face!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Did he have to nip to see his mate, Kevin,
0:17:45 > 0:17:49who's got the right tools, who lives four days away?
0:17:49 > 0:17:53He just got the remote - it was like magic - and he flicked this thing.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55The "on" button.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58This is the killer question that will decide whether
0:17:58 > 0:18:00she's telling the truth.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Did he charge you?
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- No.- He's not a builder.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Well, there we are. Now, who would you like to question next?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10OK, so, Rhod. Sorry, remind us of your fact.
0:18:10 > 0:18:16- I can't even remember his name. - APPLAUSE
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- It's Tony.- I know what it is! I'm bluffing.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19It's a bluff, it's a bluff.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22I'm bluffing. Right, this is Tony.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24We played in a band together, and we both played guitar,
0:18:24 > 0:18:26but only his was plugged in, because I can't play a note.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- You can't play. - What was the band called?- Er...
0:18:30 > 0:18:33It was a long time... Muckspreader.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Muckspreader! And where did you get the name from?
0:18:36 > 0:18:40Two of the band were farmers. It's rural west Wales.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- Why were you part of the band, then? If you couldn't play.- Erm...
0:18:42 > 0:18:43And you weren't singing.
0:18:43 > 0:18:50Because Tony was the lead singer and guitarist, and as you see him now,
0:18:50 > 0:18:52that's the kind of charisma he brought to the stage.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Why were you in the band? Why were you in the band?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57That's what I'm coming to, that's what I'm saying.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59- You were there for charisma? - No, Tony was...
0:18:59 > 0:19:02This is what he was like, as a lead frontman.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Surely he didn't put his arms behind his back when
0:19:04 > 0:19:06he was playing the guitar?
0:19:06 > 0:19:07- No, he had a guitar in front of him. - Yeah.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10But in all other ways, that is exactly what he was like.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Dressed in a suit?
0:19:11 > 0:19:14He was that dull and uncharismatic at the front of the stage.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17- That...- So boring was he...- That is not... We're not doubting that.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19What we're doubting is the fact that
0:19:19 > 0:19:22he thought you could help that situation.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26They saw me dancing on the dance floor in a barn-dance thing,
0:19:26 > 0:19:29and they thought, "We need a frontman, cos ours is so dull."
0:19:29 > 0:19:30So you were like the Bez?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I was exactly like the Bez, but with a guitar, yeah.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36And what kind...? I was going to say what kind of music did you play?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38But you didn't. What kind of music didn't you play?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Well, the band was a sort of punky, rocky sort of...
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Punky rocky, is that how you introduced it, Johnny Rotten?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45- WELSH ACCENT:- And now we're going to do some punky rocky music.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49- Can you do a...? - WELSH ACCENT:- By The Muckspreaders!
0:19:49 > 0:19:51# I am the antichrist, I'm not, I'm a farmer! #
0:19:51 > 0:19:55- APPLAUSE - The Muckspreaders!
0:19:56 > 0:19:59All our songs had the word "muck" in the title.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04- Like what?- Like, er...
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Hey, Hey, We're The Muckspreaders.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Muck Ado About Nothing.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Oh, you did Shakespeare plays as well?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Oh, I see! Now it's all making sense!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Don't Muck A...
0:20:17 > 0:20:19"And now, ladies and gentlemen, this punk rock band
0:20:19 > 0:20:23"would now like to perform a piece from Shakespeare.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26"But he won't be speaking, he's not plugged in. He'll mime it."
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- So, what about David?- OK, David.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Tony and you go round to his house to play Lego,
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- is that what you're saying? - To play with HIS Lego.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- Why would you play Lego at Tony's house?- He's got a lot of Lego.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41Can I say, at this point, with all this mention of Lego, and us being
0:20:41 > 0:20:45the BBC, there are other children's building blocks available.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48They're not as good, but there are...
0:20:48 > 0:20:51- There are others. Sorry, carry on. - Yes, absolutely.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53How often do you go round to his house and play with Lego?
0:20:53 > 0:20:59I suppose it must be once every two or three weeks.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02- How long is a session? - Oh, two or three hours.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04And do you free-form, or have you got a kit,
0:21:04 > 0:21:06that you follow the instructions?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- We're building a castle. - Are you?- A model of a castle.
0:21:09 > 0:21:15So this castle - is it an exact replica of your house, or is it...?
0:21:15 > 0:21:19No, it's supposed to look like the Tower of London.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21So it's... How big is it going to end up being?
0:21:21 > 0:21:22It's obviously big, isn't it?
0:21:22 > 0:21:24When it's finished,
0:21:24 > 0:21:29I think it'll be roughly the size of one of these circles, here.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31- Wow, and how long's that going to take?- As big as that?
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's big.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Do you have different sections that you work on,
0:21:34 > 0:21:36or do you work on the same section at the same time?
0:21:36 > 0:21:40What we've largely done is completed the White Tower,
0:21:40 > 0:21:44and now we're trying to work out the footprint, if you see what I mean,
0:21:44 > 0:21:45of the curtain wall.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47- I so hope...- Quick question, quick question -
0:21:47 > 0:21:49are you still married?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53- Er, yes, I am. - How do you know him?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56I know him because I made a documentary,
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- and I met him doing that. - What was the documentary called?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01The documentary was called The Pursuit Of Youth.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06It was about people who are into childish things as adults.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- And they got YOU to host that?- Yes.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18When you approached this Lego building, did everyone believe you?
0:22:18 > 0:22:22So you told your wife, "I'm going to go and build Lego at Tony's house,"
0:22:22 > 0:22:24and everything was fine? That was all...?
0:22:24 > 0:22:27She seemed to believe me.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- Has Tony got a wife? - I can answer that.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Yes, Tony does have a wife.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36What is the name of the person who started Lego?
0:22:36 > 0:22:40- I don't know. - Nor do I, so...
0:22:45 > 0:22:50So, Lee's team - is Tony Claudia's helpful handyman,
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Rhod's musical mate, or David's play pal?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Well, David's played this game long enough to know that if he was
0:22:56 > 0:22:59to put in the phrase, "I was making a telly show," that would be a risk.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Are you following his career? I'm not.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Anybody here following David's career?
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Anybody?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11I feel like I saw the trailer for it.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Don't say that, even as a joke. Really?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- No, I saw the trailer. - THAT was trailered?
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- DEEP VOICE:- "This week, on Pursuit Of Youth..."
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- IMPERSONATES DAVID: - "How's your wife, Tony?"
0:23:21 > 0:23:23APPLAUSE
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- DEEP VOICE:- Join us next week on Pursuit Of Youth."
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- Now, what about Claudia? - I think you're wise, you're clever,
0:23:36 > 0:23:39you would have thought this through, I feel.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- You would have checked...- You think Claudia's wise and clever?
0:23:42 > 0:23:44- Wise and clever, the two... - Have you ever seen her on
0:23:44 > 0:23:48- the television? Or met her?- No, but I think you have good initiative.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49You have very good initiative.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53So who do you think it is, Jamie, if you don't think it's Claudia?
0:23:54 > 0:23:57I mean, I do think it's Claudia, maybe. I actually...
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- What?- Cos now it's just changed. - You now think it's Claudia.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- I think it's Claudia. - I think it's Rhod.- Oh.- You're wrong.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Oh, in that case(!)- No, you could be right. I'm going with you.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Don't you change your mind! He's already done this.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12- I'm easily susceptible. I want it to be David.- I want it to be David!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14I think it's Claudia. I'm going with Rhod.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- No! - APPLAUSE
0:24:18 > 0:24:19What's it going to be? Who are you going?
0:24:19 > 0:24:21She's seen the documentary - David.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- David, all right.- You'd better have seen this documentary!- I don't...
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Tony, would you please reveal your true identity?
0:24:26 > 0:24:27My name is Tony,
0:24:27 > 0:24:30and I drove to Claudia's to fix her electric problem.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32GASPS, APPLAUSE
0:24:32 > 0:24:33YOU SAW THAT TRAILER!
0:24:33 > 0:24:37Yes, Claudia's helpful handyman. Thank you very much, Tony.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Which brings us to our final round, Quickfire Lies,
0:24:43 > 0:24:44and we start with...
0:24:47 > 0:24:49It's Rhod.
0:24:49 > 0:24:54I can't wear normal gloves, because I have an unusual hand.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- Lee. - Which of the two hands is unusual?
0:25:03 > 0:25:06That one.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10- Could you hold up your unusual hand? - I'll show you some of it.
0:25:15 > 0:25:16That is quite an unusual hand.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Is it all gloves, or is it just certain gloves?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Do you mean those really odd gloves, with the thumb and the four fingers?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- No, cos there are mittens. - And they're called mittens.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- Yeah, cos that's still a glove. - No, it's not.- A mitten's a glove!
0:25:31 > 0:25:34- No, it's not.- It is! - Admit it - a mitten is not a glove.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Can I just say? You both seem like two people
0:25:36 > 0:25:38who aren't quite sure of the real answer.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40You're absolutely right. I'm doubting myself.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43You both say it with conviction, but neither of you know the truth.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Well, this might help you - I could wear mittens.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- But I can't wear gloves.- Ah! - You've got webbed hands.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Have you got webbed hands?
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Have you got webbed fingers?
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Yes, I've got webbed fingers.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01- Have you?- Is this why you couldn't play the guitar in Muckspreader?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03APPLAUSE
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Apparently.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- I can draw a... Well, I haven't got a pen and paper, so I can't.- OK.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11- I have pen and paper.- Oh, you would have pen and paper, wouldn't you?
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Are you going to draw round your hand? But not let us see?
0:26:13 > 0:26:14Draw round your hand, but don't...
0:26:14 > 0:26:17I'll come to you, it's all right, I've got to even it out.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22- Have a seat, sir. Thanks for coming. - Thank you, sir.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Right, draw it. Go on. Draw it.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- "Draw it!"- Do it! Draw it!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30- Draw round it, yeah?- Draw round it. - Rob, you're to witness it, yeah?
0:26:30 > 0:26:32I'm going to witness it? All right, OK.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34He's drawing round his fingers.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Good God.
0:26:37 > 0:26:38Let me take it. Thank you, Rhod.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40That must have been very traumatic for you.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47- It certainly was.- This is what Rhod claims is the outline of his hand.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- So only one web on one hand. - I've known you for 15 years.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56You'd have noticed if I had a complete flipper.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- So, what are you going to say, Lee? Is this the truth?- What do we think?
0:27:01 > 0:27:02What do you think?
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Well, I'm in the worst position here, because I've known him
0:27:05 > 0:27:07so long, I can't help thinking I would have known this.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09- I weirdly think it's the truth. - Why?
0:27:09 > 0:27:14- Well, I feel like it was a very good drawing.- You think that THAT...?
0:27:14 > 0:27:16- I like it!- Do you not think...?
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Do you not think that, if you didn't have one webbed finger,
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- that you couldn't have improvised that?- No, because...
0:27:22 > 0:27:25I was assuming it was going to be fake, and they were all
0:27:25 > 0:27:27going to be webbed, but one being webbed is very...
0:27:27 > 0:27:31If that's his attempt at five webbed ones, he's rubbish at drawing.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34OK, what's it going to be, Lee? It's time to decide.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38- No, I got it wrong on the trailer. Don't ask me anything.- OK.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42- So you don't know?- It's a lie. - You think it's a lie?- It's a lie.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45I got David wrong, so I think we should ignore me.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47- You do it.- Ignore me.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50So your advice is, "I'm not sure, I don't know, maybe a lie,"
0:27:50 > 0:27:52- and, "Ignore me".- Ignore me!
0:27:52 > 0:27:55I've really got the winning team this week, haven't I(?)
0:27:55 > 0:27:58- So what's it going to be? - Let's go for lie.- Lie.- Lie.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01- It's got to be a lie. I would have noticed his...- Saying it's a lie.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Rhod, was it the truth, or was it a lie?
0:28:06 > 0:28:09- GASPS, APPLAUSE - Let me see it!
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Let's see it!
0:28:12 > 0:28:14LEE SHRIEKS
0:28:14 > 0:28:15BUZZER SOUNDS
0:28:15 > 0:28:17And that noise signals time is up. It's the end of the show.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21I can reveal that David's team have won by four points to one.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24APPLAUSE
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Thank you for watching. Goodnight.