0:00:23 > 0:00:25Good evening, welcome to Would I Lie To You?,
0:00:25 > 0:00:28the show in which it pays to be economical with the truth.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30On David Mitchell's team tonight,
0:00:30 > 0:00:33the lead singer and founder of the Happy Mondays,
0:00:33 > 0:00:35who made a fortune in the '90s,
0:00:35 > 0:00:36obviously from the tooth fairy.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38It's Shaun Ryder!
0:00:41 > 0:00:45And a comedian who quit his job as a builder to do a comedy show
0:00:45 > 0:00:46and never went back -
0:00:46 > 0:00:48I've had builders like that.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51It's the star of Murder In Successville, Tom Davis!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56And on Lee Mack's team tonight,
0:00:56 > 0:00:58the funniest thing to come out of Germany since...
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Anyone? No?
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Henning Wehn!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08And a Radio 1 DJ who plays the very latest
0:01:08 > 0:01:11in house, garage and techno funk.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14I listen in whilst driving to my bowls club.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16It's Clara Amfo!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22And, so, to Round 1, Home Truths, where our panellists each
0:01:22 > 0:01:25read out a statement from the card in front of them.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28To make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
0:01:28 > 0:01:30so they've no idea what they'll be faced with.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34And it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Henning is first up.
0:01:37 > 0:01:42For three weeks, I carted an empty box around
0:01:42 > 0:01:47without realising that what I'd bought wasn't actually in it.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- David's team.- Right. What was it? What did you imagine it was?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55What it was...
0:01:55 > 0:01:57It was a...
0:02:00 > 0:02:03No, don't let me lie... It was...
0:02:03 > 0:02:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:10 > 0:02:11There was... In there was
0:02:11 > 0:02:13a plastic Christmas tree.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- That's what you thought was in there?- Absolutely.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20For three weeks?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23That's something you open quite quickly after buying it,
0:02:23 > 0:02:25a Christmas tree.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26No, it's about the suspense, isn't it?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Christmas is all about suspense and...
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I don't think it's all about suspense.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Because, in general, when you buy a box that you think contains
0:02:34 > 0:02:38an artificial Christmas tree, you just assume that it does.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40You don't go, "I wonder if it's really in there?"
0:02:40 > 0:02:43If you're seriously wondering if it's really in there,
0:02:43 > 0:02:46you'd check before you left the shop, wouldn't you?
0:02:46 > 0:02:51Yeah, maybe I've chosen my words not very wisely.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Some of it got lost in translation.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Where did you buy it, by the way?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Er...at Argos.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04As you left the shop,
0:03:04 > 0:03:06did it not occur to you that it was quite light, this box?
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Yes, but...
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Now it gets interesting.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15No, because, I...
0:03:15 > 0:03:20Shortly before that, I'd started doing yoga.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22To increase my...
0:03:22 > 0:03:24To improve my core strength.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26So I didn't think anything of it.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30I thought, "I'm in such good physical shape..."
0:03:32 > 0:03:36"..I can lift this box without it straining me."
0:03:38 > 0:03:42The queues at Argos are huge. How long were you in the queue for?
0:03:43 > 0:03:44For ages.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51So it was a few weeks later that you opened it, ready for Christmas.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Nothing was in there. What happened next?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Well, I kept the box, didn't I?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02So you went on to have this Christmas without
0:04:02 > 0:04:04a Christmas tree in your flat?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I actually, believe it or not,
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- I did use the box instead of the Christmas tree.- As a tree?
0:04:09 > 0:04:10- Because...- As a Christmas tree?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Yeah, because there was pictures of a Christmas tree.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17The saddest Christmas ever.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19APPLAUSE
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- I have one further question.- Yes?
0:04:21 > 0:04:26Why were you carrying this box around with you for three weeks?
0:04:26 > 0:04:30When I say... I didn't take it to social occasions.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33I didn't say to the box, "Do we want to go down the park?"
0:04:33 > 0:04:37Then the box, "What, end of November? Far too cold." So...
0:04:37 > 0:04:41I did not ask you whether or not you socialised with the box.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43When I went... I tell you what.
0:04:43 > 0:04:48I took the box into town with me on one occasion.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52I went all the way into Leicester Square with the box.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Why, on the occasion that you were going into Leicester Square,
0:04:55 > 0:04:57did you take it with you?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59That is a very good question, David.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01And I shall give you the answer.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Because the box and I...
0:05:07 > 0:05:10..were going to do a comedy show.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13On how many journeys did you take this Christmas tree
0:05:13 > 0:05:16other than the one from Argos to your flat
0:05:16 > 0:05:19and the one from your flat to the comedy show in Leicester Square?
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Can we just keep it a bit lighter? He's not up for a war crime.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Not on this occasion, anyway.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Just slightly lighten things up a bit.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- David, what do you think? - What do you think, Shaun?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37I'm sort of having it a little bit, cos anything you buy from Argos,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40even if it's a big wardrobe, it doesn't weigh anything,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43when you walk out with the box.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- Are you an Argos man, Shaun? - I used to be.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46- Really?- Big-time, yeah.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48What stopped you?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Er, fame.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54APPLAUSE
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Tom?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00I think he's...
0:06:00 > 0:06:01I mean, it's a ridiculous story,
0:06:01 > 0:06:03but I mean, he's a canny, canny fella.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- So shall we go for true?- Yeah.- True?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- We're going to say true. - All right. Henning?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Truth or lie?
0:06:11 > 0:06:12This story is...
0:06:12 > 0:06:14true.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17APPLAUSE
0:06:19 > 0:06:22It's true. Henning did cart an empty box around for three weeks.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Shaun Ryder, you're next.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29I have trained my cat to wink.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34What kind of cat do you have, Shaun?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36It's just a black cat.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37And how old is this cat?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I've had him about five years.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41And was he a good student?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43I thought he was.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Has anybody else ever said, "The cat's winking"?
0:06:49 > 0:06:52When you say it, Henning, we're in dangerous territory.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55It might be better if Lee represents the team.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Yes, I'll say it. So, tell me how you teach a cat to wink.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Right, you look at the cat,
0:07:00 > 0:07:03and its eyes get bigger and bigger and bigger,
0:07:03 > 0:07:05and I'd try and do these mind games with it as though
0:07:05 > 0:07:09- I could speak to it from your mind...- Yeah.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11..and it'd wink and stuff.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- So you would wink and it would sort of copy you?- Yeah.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Were you doing anything like gently prodding it in the eye?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18No, I wasn't. No.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22Would you then reward him when he did your bidding?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Well, I would. He'd sort of get up and go and make a cup of tea.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28What do you mean, he went and made a cup of tea?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31He'd sort of get up off the chair and he'd go in the kitchen
0:07:31 > 0:07:32and stand near the kettle.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35So that was my sort of thing to think that he wanted a tea.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37So he'd jump up on the counter top near the kettle?
0:07:37 > 0:07:38And I'd make him a drink.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- What would you make him?- Well, tea.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Hot tea?
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Are you sure this was a cat and not, like, a friend or a wife?
0:07:47 > 0:07:50So how long did this cat wink for? Was it a whole year of winking?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53No, he carried on winking till he got run over.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Tell me he wasn't practising in the street.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59"What if I close my right eye now?"
0:08:01 > 0:08:05"I wonder if I can do both eyes at the same time."
0:08:05 > 0:08:08APPLAUSE
0:08:08 > 0:08:11What do you think, Lee? Is this true?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13I think it sounds entirely plausible, start to finish.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Really?
0:08:16 > 0:08:20I want these two gentlemen removed from the studio.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24I truly believe that you did see your cat winking to you
0:08:24 > 0:08:26or at least you thought you saw it.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28But to be fair, he didn't say,
0:08:28 > 0:08:32"I once think I saw my cat winking," he said, "I taught my cat to wink."
0:08:32 > 0:08:34I can't get my cat to poo outside.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39If you can't get your cat to poo outside,
0:08:39 > 0:08:41you should have a look at the flap.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I've just been doing the Shaun method.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48I gave him a set of keys and said, "Come and go as you please."
0:08:48 > 0:08:51LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:54 > 0:08:56All right. We need an answer. What's it going to be?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58All right, Clara, so you're saying it's true?
0:08:58 > 0:09:00I reckon he's telling the truth.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- OK. Henning?- Yeah, definitely.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06I won't lie. I'm very much doubting it,
0:09:06 > 0:09:08but I've got to go with my team.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10If I were you now, I'd be very worried at the standard of my team.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Shaun, truth or lie?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Absolute garbage.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Sorry.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21APPLAUSE
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Yes, it was a lie.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Shaun hasn't trained his cat to wink.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Clara, you're next.- OK.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34I was grabbed by security after sticking my finger in
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Pharrell's belly button.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42Now, David, Pharrell is a popular singer.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45You might know him from his songs Happy or Get Lucky,
0:09:45 > 0:09:46which he did with the Daft Punks.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- Daft Punk.- Pardon? - Not plural. Daft Punk.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51That's what I said.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55I've got no idea what it is.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57# I'm up all night with the sun
0:09:57 > 0:09:59# She's up all night to have fun
0:09:59 > 0:10:01# I'm up all night to get lucky
0:10:01 > 0:10:04# We're up all night to get lucky... #
0:10:04 > 0:10:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:07 > 0:10:09We'll need to get you in the Live Lounge.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12I don't know what that is, but fine!
0:10:13 > 0:10:15The Live Lounge is the penultimate room
0:10:15 > 0:10:16in an old people's home.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26You put your finger in his belly button.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- Yeah.- What happened?
0:10:28 > 0:10:32I just happened to be in the same room as him one night.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- That always happens to me when I'm in the same room as someone.- Yeah?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Walk up, stick my finger in their belly button.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Some cultures, it's just "hello".
0:10:38 > 0:10:41- Exactly.- What was the room?
0:10:41 > 0:10:42It was a party room.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45So were you talking to him at the point you did this,
0:10:45 > 0:10:48or did you just, sort of, charge across the room,
0:10:48 > 0:10:49index finger at the ready?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53"I'm doing it!"
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Dressed as a knight on the back of a horse.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00THEY LAUGH
0:11:01 > 0:11:04You lifted him like that.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06He is quite... He's a little man, you know.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- Can we see how it happened?- Sure.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Just re-enact it.- Lee, do you want to be Pharrell Williams for us?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Just imagine you're a multi-platinum-selling artist.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- Yeah.- Respected around the globe.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19There you go, so you're, you know...
0:11:22 > 0:11:24OK...
0:11:24 > 0:11:26He's a bit more...
0:11:26 > 0:11:29I've never seen him keep still. That's all I've ever seen him do.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31- What was Pharrell doing at the time? - He was just being Pharrell.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35Well, what was he doing? Was he making a Pot Noodle?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37No, he was entertaining his guests.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38- Entertaining them?- Yeah.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41"So, an Irish fellow walks into the pub..."
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- That kind of stuff? - He's not Tommy Cooper.- Oh, OK.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- And then I'm dancing... - I'm not dancing.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48- Don't like this song. - And then...- Ooh!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53All right. If you want to get back in your seats. So there we are.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55She's brought it vividly to life.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58So...poke.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59- "Ooh!"- Yeah.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Then how long before the security arm hand goes on your arm?
0:12:03 > 0:12:06I'd say about... Yeah, it was about 10 to 15 seconds.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09In that 10, 15 seconds, what happened?
0:12:09 > 0:12:12My arm was kind of grabbed.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14No, that's the end of it.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18The 10, 15 seconds before the arm grab, after the, "Ooh!"
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- What happened? - Don't forget the poke.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- Poke. "Ooh!" - Can we all do it?
0:12:24 > 0:12:25Ready?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27After three. One, two, three.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29ALL: Poke! Ooh!
0:12:30 > 0:12:32David, look, you have to accept the fact
0:12:32 > 0:12:34she was up all night to have fun.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36It's as simple as that.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Now, what are you going to say?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40- I think it's true. - You think it's true?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- I'm going to go lie. - You're going to go lie.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Which means I have to make the decision.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47I'm going to go lie.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49So, Clara, truth or lie?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51True!
0:12:51 > 0:12:54APPLAUSE
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Our next round is called "This is My..." where we bring on
0:12:59 > 0:13:02a mystery guest who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Now, this week, each of Lee's team will claim it's them that
0:13:05 > 0:13:07has the genuine connection to the guest,
0:13:07 > 0:13:10and it's up to David's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13So, please welcome this week's special guest, Bill.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17APPLAUSE
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Henning, what is Bill to you?
0:13:23 > 0:13:24This is Bill.
0:13:26 > 0:13:32I once bought an Irish accent mouth spray from him
0:13:32 > 0:13:36cos I genuinely believed it would give me an Irish accent.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Clara, how do you know Bill?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46So this is Bill and when my chair broke,
0:13:46 > 0:13:50he let me sit on his back so I could interview Nicki Minaj.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54All right. Finally, Lee, what's your relationship with Bill?
0:13:54 > 0:13:56This is Bill.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59I had to leave my life drawing class
0:13:59 > 0:14:03when he walked in, disrobed,
0:14:03 > 0:14:07and I realised he was the man that sold me my sausages.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11So there we have it.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Is Bill Clara's spare chair, Henning's spray seller,
0:14:14 > 0:14:15or Lee's model mate?
0:14:15 > 0:14:18David's team, where would you like to begin?
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Henning. So explain the thing about this spray.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Bill has actually got a shop
0:14:25 > 0:14:27and I walked past his shop.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31And I saw Irish accent spray.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36And I hadn't written a decent joke in a long time.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39And thought, "Well,
0:14:39 > 0:14:41"let's get that spray."
0:14:41 > 0:14:45- So when you say you saw Irish accent spray, what do you mean?- Like...
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Well, it's like a helium balloon.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51It's a balloon.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54No, no, it's a spray, but it changes your accent.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Instead of making your voice more high-pitched,
0:14:56 > 0:14:58it makes it more Irish-accented?
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Yeah.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Although mixed with the accent you've already got,
0:15:02 > 0:15:05God knows what that could do.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08And what shop sells this? What shop?
0:15:08 > 0:15:12Like one of them that you've got round Camden.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14- Bill's got a shop in Camden.- Yeah!
0:15:14 > 0:15:18And his best product is a spray that makes you sound Irish.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22Well, I didn't buy all his products, so I can't rank them in a...
0:15:24 > 0:15:29Let's get the genre of shop clear. It's a sort of joke shop, is it?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Hey, call it as derogatively as you want.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37By "joke shop", I don't mean a risible shop,
0:15:37 > 0:15:41I mean a shop that sells joke items like whoopee cushions...
0:15:41 > 0:15:42Yeah, exactly.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47Fake blood and...that sort of shop. And when did this happen?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54The best part of ten years ago, say.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Was there a reason you needed to sound Irish?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59No, it was just I thought...
0:15:59 > 0:16:02"That's another string to my bow."
0:16:11 > 0:16:16How did you imagine it being used in your stand-up?
0:16:17 > 0:16:22Maybe if I tell a joke where Irishmen go to the pub.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Do you know a joke where Irishmen go to the pub that you could
0:16:26 > 0:16:29tell in your current accent, but you could mime the point
0:16:29 > 0:16:31at which you would spray your...?
0:16:31 > 0:16:37It would, like, go, "There is an English fella going into the pub
0:16:37 > 0:16:41"and says, 'Oh, jolly good morning, my good fellow.'"
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- And then...- He didn't even have any spray for that!
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Brilliant! See? You don't need a spray, you can do it!
0:16:50 > 0:16:55"And then an Irishman goes in a pub," and then I spray.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56And then I go...
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- GERMAN ACCENT:- "Top of the morning."
0:16:58 > 0:17:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:05 > 0:17:10- Who would you like to ask next? - Clara, who's Nicki Minaj?
0:17:10 > 0:17:14- So, Nicki Minaj is a rapper... - There she is.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16My God, that's Su Pollard!
0:17:16 > 0:17:17LAUGHTER
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Nicki Minaj is a singer, basically.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Nicki Minaj a singer, a rapper, one of those modern types.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25In what context were you interviewing her?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28I was interviewing her at a big festival.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30- Glastonbury or something? - No, it was Radio 1, actually.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Big Weekend, yeah.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35And was it just on radio, the interview?
0:17:35 > 0:17:37It was a Red Button situation as well.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- So there were cameras as well?- Yeah.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41All eyes were on us.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Obviously she's, like, the main attraction, a big star,
0:17:43 > 0:17:45so they gave her, I guess, the better chair.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49I suspect people knew my chair was a little bit dodgy but thought it would, you know,
0:17:49 > 0:17:50survive the interview.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54It got a bit creaky and then one of the legs snapped off.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57And lovely Bill here was doing the sound, and then we only had
0:17:57 > 0:18:01about five seconds to go before we were going live, and Bill came in.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05One thing you could have done is conduct the interview standing up.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Yeah, but...
0:18:07 > 0:18:09You know, you go with what the artist wants.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11And if she wants to sit down, I'm going to sit down.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13- How long was the interview going to be?- About...
0:18:13 > 0:18:16I think it ended up being about five or six minutes.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20That's a long time to stand, actually.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Bill definitely looks like he fixes things -
0:18:22 > 0:18:24leads or wires, cameras.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Yeah, he's sturdy.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31It's a long time to...to be on all fours with someone sitting on you.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33I reckon I could take you for a minute.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Try that out! Tom, sit on David.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40I'm not going to embarrass you.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43I'm going to put Tom on all fours and put you on HIS back.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Let's give it a go!
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- LEE:- We can all sit on him, be like a sofa!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- Be gentle, David. - Clara, talk us through the...
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- Do I have to come down lower? - A little bit lower.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Yeah, there you go.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02This is a lot harder! Now I'm in a crouch!
0:19:02 > 0:19:03That's what Bill did!
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- You want to do some more yoga, mate! - Yeah!
0:19:05 > 0:19:07APPLAUSE
0:19:11 > 0:19:15- There you go. - So where should I sit?
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- Right in the middle there. - Right there?- Facing me.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- I'm sorry about this. - That's all right, David.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- I'm going to lower myself quite gently.- Yeah.- Yeah, yeah.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Can I ask Shaun to be a footstool?
0:19:27 > 0:19:28- Very gentle, very gentle.- I am.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30I'm basically keeping most of the weight on my own knees.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Oh, my God, my knees!
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Sit back a bit.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Bill!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37What are you doing?
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Bill didn't do that.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42David Mitchell, Tom Davis...
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Yes, so as you can see... As you can see, that's easy to do.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53That's NOT easy to do! Well, you know...
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Clara is not as heavy as David.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57She's not let herself go like that. I mean...
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- I will say one thing.- Go on. - That on a grassy terrain,
0:20:02 > 0:20:04it would be a lot easier.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- It would.- I'm slipping all over the place.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08I'm sorry I let you down, David.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10I can come to your house at Christmas
0:20:10 > 0:20:11if you're looking for another chair.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14I'll do a better job as long as you've got carpet.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19David, would you like to move on to Lee?
0:20:19 > 0:20:25- Lee.- Yes, David.- Why were you going to a life drawing class?
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Because I just decided that I wanted to learn something new because -
0:20:28 > 0:20:29I'm not being big-headed -
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- I've cracked everything else. - Yeah.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Why...why nudes, though?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37What was the attraction of the nude human form?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39You could have focused on fruit.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42I do do a little bit of fruit, as it goes.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44But I wanted to expand...
0:20:44 > 0:20:46- Um...- So that's why...
0:20:46 > 0:20:50I just find naked men do that for me!
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I wanted to expand my repertoire. I'd cracked the fruit.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57I kept showing my wife and my wife would say, "No idea."
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Then one day she went, "Is it an orange?" I went, "Yeah."
0:21:00 > 0:21:02She went, "It's time to move on."
0:21:02 > 0:21:06- And so you left your wife... - So I left my wife.
0:21:06 > 0:21:11How many of these still life classes had you done before Bill popped in?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I'd probably done about seven or eight.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17- How is Bill looking under there? - Say again?- Bill.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- Has he got a nice body, or...? - Has he got a nice body naked?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- Yeah.- I'd say... I'd say he's firm, yeah.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23- CLARA:- Sturdy! - Sturdy.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25I said to him, "How come you're so firm?"
0:21:25 > 0:21:29He said, "Well, you try being a chair every three weeks."
0:21:29 > 0:21:32- And you knew it was nude man week? - Oh, yes. They told us.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34They said, "Next week, we're doing a nude man."
0:21:34 > 0:21:38Then you found out that your butcher was a nude model.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Not straightway. He comes in and teases you a little bit.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43He comes in with a robe, takes his belt off slowly...
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Hangs it up like that, then he turns the other way
0:21:45 > 0:21:48and he might do little bit of a... a bit of a stretch.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Then he drops it so you see his...pert cheeks.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52And at this point, I'm thinking,
0:21:52 > 0:21:54"Right, I should be able to do this."
0:21:54 > 0:21:55Get my pencils out ready.
0:21:55 > 0:22:00And then he turns slowly and that's when I saw it.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04- The face of Bill, the man who sells me sausages.- Right.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05So did he recognise you?
0:22:05 > 0:22:09- Was it mutual?- Well, he just had his eyes fixed like he is tonight.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12But as I passed, he had a look on his face like he was going to say,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15"I'm doing discounts on burgers on Saturday."
0:22:16 > 0:22:21He didn't do it. He's professional. He stopped himself like that.
0:22:21 > 0:22:22And it was awkward.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25So I simply got dressed and went home.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Did I not mention that bit?
0:22:29 > 0:22:31I say life drawing - it was a car park
0:22:31 > 0:22:32and he was in a Ford Fiesta.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37APPLAUSE
0:22:40 > 0:22:47We need an answer, so, David's team, is Bill Clara's spare chair,
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Henning's spray seller or Lee's model mate?
0:22:51 > 0:22:52I think we need to ask,
0:22:52 > 0:22:55are you absolutely sure that one of them is true?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Yes.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01I think, in the radio situation,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04they probably could find a chair or standing.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07There's a better solution than, for six minutes,
0:23:07 > 0:23:09sitting on a human being.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- What about Lee? - Well, it's just not true.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15See, I've got to say that he's literally not moved his...
0:23:15 > 0:23:17He's shown no emotion.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Now, if I'm going to draw a man naked, I want to draw Bill.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26- What do you think, Shaun?- I've just got to go for Bill being sat on.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28You think Clara?
0:23:28 > 0:23:30I'm changing my mind now because he's German,
0:23:30 > 0:23:33so he could possibly believe about a spray...
0:23:34 > 0:23:37You just noticed now that Henning is German?
0:23:37 > 0:23:38It's just sunk in, yeah!
0:23:38 > 0:23:41So you think Henning now?
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- No, I'll stick with Clara. - Stick with Clara.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45- And you're... - I'm going with Lee, yeah.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46You see, I think it's Henning.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51- You think it's Henning? - Yeah, we're going to go Henning.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54OK - Bill, would you please reveal your true identity?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56My name is Bill
0:23:56 > 0:23:58and Henning bought an Irish breath spray...
0:23:58 > 0:24:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:03 > 0:24:07- That's what you bought, Henning, yeah?- Yeah.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09And you genuinely thought it would have an effect on your accent?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Of some description.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Lee, let me give it to you.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18It didn't work on Henning, but it might work on you.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22- WELSH ACCENT:- I don't think you gave me the right one.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Thank you very much, Bill! Thank you.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Which brings us to our final round,
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Quickfire Lies, and we start with...
0:24:34 > 0:24:36It's David.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39I once hired a jet ski...
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- LAUGHING:- Lie. Forget it.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44We need to hear no more, David.
0:24:45 > 0:24:50I once hired a jet ski, but couldn't work out how to stop it,
0:24:50 > 0:24:53so I had to buzz around the bay for 50 minutes
0:24:53 > 0:24:56until it ran out of petrol.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58I take it back, you did it.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I can so imagine you doing that. Absolutely.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05- Where was this? - It was in Antigua.- In Antigua?
0:25:05 > 0:25:09- Was this in your single lads' days? - He never had those days.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- It's your first time on the show, isn't it?- It is.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- Why were you in Antigua?- On holiday.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19Was the Winchester Steam Museum shut?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Yes, I arrived at the Winchester Steam Museum
0:25:22 > 0:25:26and it was shut and so I went straight to Antigua.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30- When was this?- Er... I think about two years ago.
0:25:30 > 0:25:35- And who were you with?- My, er, wife. - And what got into your head?
0:25:35 > 0:25:38I could imagine you renting a sun lounge
0:25:38 > 0:25:40and opening up a weighty tome.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44I could imagine that. But I can't see you saying...
0:25:44 > 0:25:47MIMICS DAVID: "Now, you relax here. I'm just going to go...
0:25:47 > 0:25:49LAUGHTER
0:25:49 > 0:25:52"..and bomb around the bay for a while."
0:25:52 > 0:25:56APPLAUSE
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Were you with your wife on the jet ski
0:26:01 > 0:26:03or did she stay on dry land?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Er, she stayed on dry land.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- So you were on your own, going around?- Yeah.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09- And it was your idea?- I just...
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Look, I thought I'd have a bit of a go.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15- What were you wearing, David? - Er...sort of, swimming...shorts.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17What length were the shorts?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Were they sort of Daniel Craig, or...?
0:26:19 > 0:26:22They weren't as long as Daniel Craig.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- What do you wear?- Shorts! I said, swimming shorts!
0:26:26 > 0:26:27They've got a pocket.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29- Wow!- They've got a pocket.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32They've got a pocket and they've got netting on the inside
0:26:32 > 0:26:34to keep everything in order.
0:26:34 > 0:26:35All right.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39You jump on, you're looking back at your wife, "Ha-ha" Look at me!"
0:26:39 > 0:26:42And then what happens?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Well, to be honest, I'm not like, "Ha-ha, look at me" at all,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48because I must say, as soon as I get going,
0:26:48 > 0:26:51it becomes immediately apparent to me that I don't like it.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52Oh, no!
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Hang on, hang on. Here's a big question, then.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- You did it until the petrol ran out, you say?- Yeah.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00So did you manage to time perfectly that the petrol would run out
0:27:00 > 0:27:03just as you got back to the jetty?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- No.- So you're stuck in the middle of the sea?- Yes.
0:27:05 > 0:27:10Well, what I didn't do is head straight out away from the...
0:27:10 > 0:27:13The point where my plan formed,
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I thought I'd just go up and down quite near the jetty,
0:27:16 > 0:27:19thinking I'd be able to swim to the jetty
0:27:19 > 0:27:20if worst comes to the worst.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22So what happened? You just kept going, kept going,
0:27:22 > 0:27:25and then eventually it coughed and spluttered...?
0:27:25 > 0:27:27- Yeah.- Talk us through.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Well, I kept going and kept going and then eventually,
0:27:30 > 0:27:31it coughed and spluttered...
0:27:33 > 0:27:34..to a halt.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42- All right. Lee, what are you going to say?- What do we think?- I...
0:27:42 > 0:27:44- You have a great physique. - LAUGHTER
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Yeah.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49You've got to warn me before you say things like this!
0:27:49 > 0:27:51A great physique for what?
0:27:51 > 0:27:53For maybe, I don't know,
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- a game of billiards...or Cluedo... - Yeah.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00And I don't quite think that's jet skiing is completely your thing.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02I agree.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05I don't think he's ever even been to Antigua.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09- So you're saying lie, you're saying lie...- Yes.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11- I'm going to say that's a lie. - You're saying it's a lie?
0:28:11 > 0:28:13- I'll go with the team. - David, truth or lie?
0:28:13 > 0:28:15It is...
0:28:15 > 0:28:16a lie.
0:28:19 > 0:28:20KLAXON
0:28:20 > 0:28:23Well, that's noise signals time is up, it's the end of the show.
0:28:23 > 0:28:27I can reveal that David's team have won by three points to two.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Thanks for watching, goodnight!