0:00:21 > 0:00:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:23 > 0:00:24Good evening
0:00:24 > 0:00:27and welcome to Would I Lie To You, the show where dishonesty is
0:00:27 > 0:00:29sometimes the best policy.
0:00:29 > 0:00:34On Lee Mack's team tonight, a woman who 30 years ago gave up nursing
0:00:34 > 0:00:37to become a comedian, so if you're in a waiting room
0:00:37 > 0:00:40hoping she'll be out to see you soon, she won't.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41It's Jo Brand.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:43 > 0:00:47And a former Labour MP who when he appeared on Strictly was
0:00:47 > 0:00:51described by the other contestants as a good hugger in times
0:00:51 > 0:00:55of need. Let's be clear, there'll be no times of need tonight.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Please welcome Ed Balls.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:00 > 0:01:05And on David Mitchell's team, a former Pussycat Doll,
0:01:05 > 0:01:09dancer and TV personality who's also released a fragrance.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13I did that once, I blamed it on the dog. Kimberly Wyatt.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:16 > 0:01:22And a comedian who once snogged two Spice Girls, providing the
0:01:22 > 0:01:27inspiration for their big hit, Stop Right Now, Thank You Very Much.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28David Baddiel.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:32 > 0:01:35And we begin with Round 1, Home Truths, where our panellists
0:01:35 > 0:01:38each read out a statement from the card in front of them.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41To make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
0:01:41 > 0:01:43they have no idea what they'll be faced with.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50And we're starting tonight with Ed.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Now don't let me down, you've had years of training.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:01 > 0:02:05I once negotiated the Home Office budget whilst crawling
0:02:05 > 0:02:08through a children's ball pit.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Right. David.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13What was your job at that point?
0:02:13 > 0:02:16I was the Economic Adviser to the Chancellor to the Treasury
0:02:16 > 0:02:20and, um...so...my job to sort out public spending.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25When you say negotiated it, who else was in the ball pit?
0:02:26 > 0:02:30I was the only person employed by the Government in the ball pit,
0:02:30 > 0:02:31but I was on the phone to
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Number 10 Downing Street to...arguing about money.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Do you have children?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Yeah. Yeah.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41LAUGHTER
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Why had you gone into the ball pit - was it for...?
0:02:47 > 0:02:51- To...- For a private sort of ball area to discuss the Home Office
0:02:51 > 0:02:53budget or were the children you were responsible for
0:02:53 > 0:02:55getting in trouble with the balls?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57There was the younger one which was in quite a lot of trouble.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58So you'd followed,
0:02:58 > 0:03:02gone into the ball pit to extricate some ball-based crisis...
0:03:02 > 0:03:04On the... On the phone.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Ah. Oh, so the call started before you went into the ball pit?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- I'm just sitting there having a coffee.- Yeah.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12So what was the crisis?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Phone rings. David Blunkett wanted more police officers.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17No, no, what was the crisis in the ball pit?
0:03:17 > 0:03:18LAUGHTER
0:03:22 > 0:03:24What was the political crisis,
0:03:24 > 0:03:28- what was the problem in the ball pit that made you go in?- Yeah.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31There was screaming and cries for help. It was a blockage.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33And there are tunnels and things, are there?
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- Tunnels and slides, and... - Ah, right.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37The way it works is you have ball pit, ball pit, ball pit,
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- tunnels, kind of ladders, all sorts of stuff and... - It's his Tommy Cooper impression.
0:03:40 > 0:03:46- AS TOMMY COOPER:- Ball pit, ball pit, ball pit, tunnels, tunnels, tunnels, ball pit, ball pit, tunnels.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Can I... Can I just ask, was the blockage balls or was it a child?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Um... Oh, I think it-it was...
0:03:56 > 0:03:59And if you went in there, wouldn't you have caused a bigger blockage?
0:03:59 > 0:04:02It was... But sometimes you've just got to go in.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Who has rung you up?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Jeremy Heywood, he was the Principal Private Secretary
0:04:06 > 0:04:09to the Prime Minister and he's now the Cabinet Secretary.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11The problem was David Blunkett wanted the police officers,
0:04:11 > 0:04:15we didn't have enough money, and Jeremy was ringing me to try and sort out the problem.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- That's a lot of people wanting stuff.- And I'm on the phone and suddenly the cry comes
0:04:18 > 0:04:21and do I admit to Downing Street that I'm in a children's
0:04:21 > 0:04:23ball play area or do I try and bluff it out?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26I didn't want to admit that I was more focused on children's
0:04:26 > 0:04:28ball areas than sorting out...
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Oh, no.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37No. You're right about that, Ed, that wouldn't have helped.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40So let's go through... Let's go through the phone call.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I will be the person - who was the person that called you, Jeremy?
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- Jeremy Heywood.- Jeremy Heywood. - He's the Cabinet Secretary of the country.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49OK, and what sort of person is he? Give me something to work with.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Nice guy, so he rings up and says, "We've got a problem."
0:04:51 > 0:04:53No, no, Ed, you don't understand, I want the voice.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Is he northern, southern, old, young?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57He's exact... Sounds exactly like Tom Jones.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Excellent!
0:04:58 > 0:04:59LAUGHING
0:04:59 > 0:05:01AS TOM JONES: So listen, huh.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05What is he - old, young, north, south?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- My age.- Your age, quite old, he's north, south?
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- At the time, we were young. - You were young.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12He-he's sort of southern, I would say.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14OK. Ed, Ed, Ed, we've got a real problem.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- Oh, look, he's working... - So I'm like this,
0:05:16 > 0:05:18and I'm talking to you, I'm saying you know, it wasn't...
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I'll play a ball blockage.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23And then, well, I'm-I'm, sort of, I'm saying... I'm saying...
0:05:23 > 0:05:25I'll be a child, then. Help!
0:05:25 > 0:05:26It's not clear, it's not clear.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- Help!- It's not clear.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30He-lp, help!
0:05:30 > 0:05:32It's not clear it's value for money.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Help, help! Dad, Dad, help!
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Well, I'll tell you what, there's your publicity shot.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41So, Ed, how did this all resolve itself? Did-did-did you solve..?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44We got the police officers in the end, but not the...
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Not-not that!
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Ed, we're not so concerned about...
0:05:48 > 0:05:51We're worried about the children. The children.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54I mean, I'm wondering, do you still have access to them?
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Basically, I grabbed the legs and I pulled.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- Yeah?- I pulled him out.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Out he came.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03And was it your child?
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- I don't...- What do you think?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Well, this is entirely possible.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- It is.- Yeah.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12I think it's true.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15The only thing that makes me doubt it, really, is the coincidence
0:06:15 > 0:06:20of the balls at the location and the balls in Ed's surname.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- Right.- That's why you doubt it?
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- That's why I doubt it.- Really?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Yeah, because that's what makes it something that someone would have
0:06:27 > 0:06:31invented and written on a card to be read out for a television programme.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35What do you think, Kimberly? Does it sound truthful to you?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- There's a big part of me that does think it's true.- Hm.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Yes, cos I think that Ed Balls, every time
0:06:42 > 0:06:45he talks about things, the job comes first.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49- Oh, always.- So I could see him kind of going through the ball pit
0:06:49 > 0:06:51making sure that this sort of came first but still making sure -
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- cos he's a lovely guy - making sure the kids are OK.- Oh, he's a great guy. He's a great guy.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59You're the captain, but if your only quibble is the pun of Balls
0:06:59 > 0:07:02and balls, then I think we should ignore that and move forward.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04I think it may be too late to ignore it.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07You both think it's true, we'll say true.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10You're going to say it's true. OK.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Ed, truth or lie?
0:07:13 > 0:07:14It is in fact...
0:07:14 > 0:07:16..true.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19That was very well done. Well done.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Yes, it's true.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Ed did negotiate a Home Office budget whilst crawling
0:07:24 > 0:07:25through a ball pit.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Kimberly, you're next.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29OK.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34My ability to do the splits proved invaluable when my car broke down.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35- Right.- Wow!
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- Lee's team.- To establish the facts, can you do the splits?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- Yes, I can.- Well, there's an interesting thing
0:07:40 > 0:07:42cos may I be the first to say, Kimberly, that you...
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I mean, I'm taking a risk saying it, but are pregnant.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- I am pregnant.- Thank God!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51We wouldn't ask you to do the splits now, obviously.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53If you want to see the splits...
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- Not whilst you're pregnant. - ..I can do them.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57You can do the splits now even though you're pregnant?
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Yeah.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01What are you, some kind of freak?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- Well, let's hold that for a minute, let's hold that.- I'm a dancer.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05For now, let's assume she can.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Hang on, hang on, hang on, the whole nation now wants to see the splits.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12You-you-you're turning down the chance to see a pregnant Pussycat Doll do the splits?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14I can't believe it!
0:08:14 > 0:08:17It's not the whole nation, it's-it's roughly half.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21That is... That is... That is so untrue!
0:08:25 > 0:08:26OK, ready?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- Whoa!- Oh! Whoa!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Oh!
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Whoo!
0:08:33 > 0:08:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Kimberly, I'm very happy to tell you it's a boy.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42LAUGHTER
0:08:51 > 0:08:53OK, let's assume that she can do the splits.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54She can do the splits!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56She can do the splits. Well, the card...
0:08:56 > 0:08:59The card doesn't say, "I can do the splits," does it?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02The card says... What was it the card said again?
0:09:02 > 0:09:07My ability to do the splits proved invaluable when my car broke down.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- OK.- So what happened?
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Yes.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12So I was driving to LA
0:09:12 > 0:09:17to look for a job as a dancer, and my car started smoking
0:09:17 > 0:09:22and, like, leaking, so I pulled to the nearest truck stop, or...
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Petrol station, a services, a services.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Petrol station, thank you. Yes, and wanted to fix the car myself,
0:09:28 > 0:09:31so I intended to lift the bonnet...
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Good start.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37- ..and assess the situation and fix it.- Right.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40But the bonnet of the car was really heavy.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Can I not just check, don't you lot call it the hood?
0:09:42 > 0:09:46I do, but I'm... I've been here, living here for five years
0:09:46 > 0:09:48so my language is starting to shift.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Or get better, as we call it.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Yeah! My husband... My husband says he's fixing me, yes.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58So, the bonnet is really heavy,
0:09:58 > 0:10:01and the thing that holds the bonnet up is nowhere to be seen.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- Oh, dear.- Oh! - I'm in a pickle, so I look...
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- Is your leg about to..?- No, no, you're not going to tell us...
0:10:07 > 0:10:11- So I look for a stick.- No way! Is that where this is leading?
0:10:11 > 0:10:15Look, I know I want to put oil in my car and I need two hands to do it.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16- No.- No way!
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- So the shop helped me make, like, a-a funnel.- No!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20And I had the other hand with the oil,
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- but I needed to get the bonnet up, so I used my leg...- No.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- Why couldn't you get a truck driver? - ..so I could fill the oil.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Whoa, whoa, whoa.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Or, even better, there was someone helping you with the thing,
0:10:29 > 0:10:34why didn't you say, "Actually, is there any chance you could hold it?"
0:10:34 > 0:10:37and that's when the little Welsh helper said, "No, I think
0:10:37 > 0:10:39"it's better that you do it."
0:10:42 > 0:10:45"I think it'll be better if you did this."
0:10:45 > 0:10:50So you... So the hood is up, you've got your leg up, what happened then?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Then I was putting oil in my car,
0:10:53 > 0:10:56in the engine, I heard a couple of guys chuckling...
0:10:56 > 0:10:58While doing the splits?
0:10:58 > 0:10:59While doing the splits.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Why didn't you ask the guys to help you?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Well, you know what, Lee? That's exactly what happened,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I turned around and I said, "Do you want to help me?" and they both...
0:11:05 > 0:11:07And these two chuckling guys,
0:11:07 > 0:11:09they weren't the Chuckle Brothers, were they?
0:11:09 > 0:11:10They may have been.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14They crossed their arms and said, "Mm-mm," and continued to laugh.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15No.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18So is there not a world in which you can put everything on the floor,
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- lift the hood up with one hand... - Oh, yes, yes.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23..take the lid off, get the funnel, put the funnel in...
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Hang on, where are you putting the chicken and the fox?
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Hm, I suppose, you're reaching down a bit,
0:11:29 > 0:11:32but I suppose it's tricky, but it would definitely be, it would
0:11:32 > 0:11:36be tricky, but it would be higher up the list than, "I'll use my foot."
0:11:36 > 0:11:38So, what do you think? Is it the truth?
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- I...- Well, I'm torn here because I-I wouldn't...
0:11:41 > 0:11:44I wouldn't give it a moment's thought, this is definitely
0:11:44 > 0:11:47a lie, but she can do it, she can stick her leg in the air quite high.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50It's a lie, she can do it, but she didn't need to do it,
0:11:50 > 0:11:51she wouldn't have done it.
0:11:51 > 0:11:57What I can't believe is that if two old gits won't come and help you,
0:11:57 > 0:12:02of all people, to do your car, then...then America is finished,
0:12:02 > 0:12:05so I kind of don't believe it, really,
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I can't believe that two people wouldn't help.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11- Well, because this has turned the British public.- If it was me...
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Up until now we were quite positive about your country.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- The special relationship ends here. - It ends now.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19So, Lee, what's it going to be?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21So you're both saying a lie, I'll go with my team
0:12:21 > 0:12:23and say it's got to be a lie.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24It's a lie. Kimberly, truth or lie?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26It is...
0:12:26 > 0:12:28..true.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30No way! Wow!
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Yes, it's true.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Kimberly did hold her car bonnet open by doing the splits.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
0:12:42 > 0:12:45who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Now, this week, each of Lee's team will claim it's them
0:12:48 > 0:12:50that has the genuine connection to the guest,
0:12:50 > 0:12:53and it's up to David's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56So please welcome this week's special guest, Billy.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59APPLAUSE
0:13:03 > 0:13:06So, Ed, what is Billy to you?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09This is Billy, my karaoke partner.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14When I let rip as Lionel Ritchie, he was my Diana Ross.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19All right. Jo, how do you know Billy?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21This is my neighbour Billy.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24I once stole his wheelie bin
0:13:24 > 0:13:30then texted him instead of my husband to tell him what I'd done.
0:13:30 > 0:13:35Right. Finally, Lee, what is your relationship with Billy?
0:13:35 > 0:13:40This is Billy, he drives a barge and once whilst I was enjoying
0:13:40 > 0:13:44a view from a bridge, I accidentally dropped my ice cream on his head.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47There we have it.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50So, is Billy Ed's karaoke companion,
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Jo's dustbin donor or Lee's sticky skipper?
0:13:53 > 0:13:56David's team, where do you want to begin?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59We'll start with Ed. What was the karaoke occasion?
0:13:59 > 0:14:04It was an event at the Labour Party Conference in Manchester.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07What is Billy, politically?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09He's involved in the trade union movement.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10- Oh.- Oh, right.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11- Oh.- And did you know him before?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Of course, yeah.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15And-and you were singing what song?
0:14:15 > 0:14:16Endless Love.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Endless Love? OK. Can you do it now?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Er...
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Do you know the bit in the middle?
0:14:26 > 0:14:27Yeah.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28# Uh, uh
0:14:28 > 0:14:31# Uh uh uh uh
0:14:31 > 0:14:32# Oh huh-uh
0:14:32 > 0:14:35# Uh uh uh uh uh uh. #
0:14:35 > 0:14:38It's not the version of Endless Love I know, I've got to be honest.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40What, have you not heard the Morse code version before?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42And, # Ah ah. #
0:14:42 > 0:14:44You know it's a ballad, don't you, Endless Love?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46It's a slow ballad.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49You see, I don't know anything about music, as you know,
0:14:49 > 0:14:51I disapprove of it...
0:14:53 > 0:14:57..but, Endless Love I've heard of as a song and I reckon
0:14:57 > 0:15:00if I heard it I would recognise it.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04That hasn't happened yet, Ed, and you said
0:15:04 > 0:15:08that you were Lionel Ritchie and-and that Billy was Diana Ross.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13It's-it's-it's a difficult leap to make to picture Billy...
0:15:13 > 0:15:15I mean, he's not a natural Diana Ross, is he?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- No.- No.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22We don't know what Billy sounds like, that's the great handicap.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Or indeed what Diana Ross looks like off stage.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27LAUGHTER
0:15:27 > 0:15:29But when-when you... When you were doing this,
0:15:29 > 0:15:30how many people were there?
0:15:30 > 0:15:32About 250.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35And you sang in front of 250 people?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- Yeah.- Goodness me. All right.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39- And they called for more.- More what?
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Drink?- More drink.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45So this is like an evening event at a Labour Party conference?
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Yeah, in 2010.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47So who's there? Is it a..?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50It was at the end of a Labour leadership election campaign,
0:15:50 > 0:15:54and I didn't win the election,
0:15:54 > 0:15:58but we had the best end-of-campaign party by far.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Well, that's the main thing, isn't it?
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Perhaps you... Perhaps you'd expended...
0:16:04 > 0:16:07The thing is, you shouldn't start planning the end-of-campaign party
0:16:07 > 0:16:11too early. Maybe the more slap-dash end-of-campaign parties are
0:16:11 > 0:16:14ironically at the end of the more focused campaigns.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20All right, so who would you like to quiz next?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Jo, he's your neighbour?
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Yeah.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- I've been to your house.- Yeah.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26I never saw him.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31He was out with his mates Stan
0:16:31 > 0:16:33and Fred - they were doing The Supremes that night.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Why did you target Billy's bin?
0:16:36 > 0:16:41Because, actually, in the past, Billy had taken our bin.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42- Oh!- Oh!- Oh!
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Had you been binless since Billy stole your bin?
0:16:46 > 0:16:50No, he swapped them over cos our bin's nicer than his,
0:16:50 > 0:16:54and on a couple of occasions... Because when-when the bin men
0:16:54 > 0:16:58come down the road they don't always distribute them back outside
0:16:58 > 0:17:01the houses that...so you have to go down the road looking for...
0:17:01 > 0:17:07and on a couple of occasions I noticed he'd slid our bin into his drive.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09He'd swapped your bins,
0:17:09 > 0:17:10and you swapped them back?
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Yes. Yeah.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13It was a chain reaction.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14And had you then...
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Brilliant, brilliant.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24I know what David's going to ask - why did I steal Billy's manky bin?
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- Yes!- Yes, yeah.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Just for-for the hell of it, for a joke.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30I just took it, right, and I hid it.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Explain the text message thing - I didn't quite grasp that.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Well, I meant to send a text to my husband saying,
0:17:38 > 0:17:40"Guess what, I've just stolen Billy's bin,
0:17:40 > 0:17:44"so knickers to him" - sorry, Billy -
0:17:44 > 0:17:47and unfortunately I sent it to him.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Jo's husband is called Bernie and he is called Billy,
0:17:51 > 0:17:54so it is possible that they are close on her phone.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- Ah.- Yes, that's...
0:17:56 > 0:17:58- Ah.- Very good.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00- That is...- Are you friends with Billy?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03I thought you were going to say, "Are you friends with Bernie?"
0:18:03 > 0:18:05No, not really.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Not any more.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11I'm not too close to Bernie but I'm a bit too close to Billy.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13And how did he react?
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Once you'd sent the text to him, did he respond to you, how did it go?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Yeah, he texted back, "I don't think this is meant for me."
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Ah, right.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24I think here's the problem.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27I think Jo has definitely done this with someone in her
0:18:27 > 0:18:29neighbourhood, but is it Billy?
0:18:29 > 0:18:31- Whereas... Yeah. - But I don't know if it's him.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Whereas Lee definitely hasn't dropped
0:18:34 > 0:18:36an ice cream on a barge man's head. We know that, we know that.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Well, let's... Let's... That's an assumption.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42No, no, and I'm very happy to spend up to 40 minutes of my life
0:18:42 > 0:18:44pointlessly discussing that.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49So, Lee, tell me what... Tell me what happened with you and the ice cream.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51I was on a bridge, I was admiring the view.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Where, where... What bridge?
0:18:53 > 0:18:54What is a bridge? It spans water.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- Yes, what... Which bridge? - Where is the bridge?
0:18:57 > 0:18:58The bridge was just over the water.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Which water?
0:19:00 > 0:19:01The water under the bridge.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Name the waterway.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06I was on Richmond Bridge which was in... Oh, now, where is it?
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Well, anyway, I was on Richmond Bridge
0:19:08 > 0:19:11and the water in question was in fact the River Severn.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I'm not an idiot, you won't be able to get me, mate.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16River Thames.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Yeah.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19A barge went past.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Yeah, and you had an ice cream, so it was summer, was it?
0:19:21 > 0:19:25- Might have been, you can get ice-creams in the winter nowadays, you know.- And...
0:19:25 > 0:19:27What sort of ice cream was it?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Like that one but with something in my hand.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31This is... Yes.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34So, yes, I was holding... I was holding an ice cream.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36- A cornet.- Pardon?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38A cone, or cornet, as they're called.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Yes, yeah, I was holding my ice cream.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- And what flavour of ice cream? - Going tedeledede telededede.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43What-what flavour of ice cream?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Your standard vanilla.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46- OK.- Standard vanilla?
0:19:46 > 0:19:47- Standard vanilla, yeah.- OK.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50That was a lovely Adam Ant song, wasn't it?
0:19:50 > 0:19:51LAUGHTER
0:19:51 > 0:19:53You topped Chain Reaction!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55You've done it!
0:19:58 > 0:20:01What event took place for the ice cream to fall out of your hand?
0:20:01 > 0:20:04I was leaning over the bridge, I was slightly... I'd done all
0:20:04 > 0:20:06the things you're supposed to do when an ice cream is melting.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09I'd told the little 'un to lick the edges, right?
0:20:09 > 0:20:10The little 'un?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11The little 'un - Rob!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17So I've got my cone.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19I'm looking over the edge of the bridge like that and I'm looking
0:20:19 > 0:20:22at the water and I'm looking at the view and I'm looking round, it's all
0:20:22 > 0:20:28very lovely and I heard it, I heard that noise you hear, that, pff, pff,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30pff, pffpfpfpfpfpf pff,
0:20:30 > 0:20:33and of course it was Rob speaking Welsh, and...
0:20:33 > 0:20:35LAUGHTER
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Which apparently is Welsh for, "Lick your own edges,"
0:20:39 > 0:20:44and that's when pff, beneath my legs, beneath the bridge,
0:20:44 > 0:20:48beneath my legs, slid a large barge and I looked over like that
0:20:48 > 0:20:51and I thought, "Oh, that's a nice barge," I thought, and I thought...
0:20:51 > 0:20:54You really craned over to get a good view of the barge.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55I did, I like...
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Taking your ice cream with you across the thick stone
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- balustrade of the bridge. - I wa... I leaned...
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Right over, "Come with me, ice cream, maybe...
0:21:03 > 0:21:06"maybe you'd like to see, as well.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08"Come on, vanilla, let's have a look."
0:21:08 > 0:21:14I didn't go the full, 103... 90 degrees. I sort of did a 45.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17I sort of leaned over that, but as any man will tell you, or woman...
0:21:17 > 0:21:19You only have to lean, what?
0:21:19 > 0:21:21That much and your ice cream can go.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24OK, so, so, Billy, can I... Can I move onto Billy?
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- Please move onto Billy. - Was he standing like that?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Standing exactly like that, and then in front of him, a massive boat.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32So he's not actually... Cos he's standing a little
0:21:32 > 0:21:34bit like those women on the end of big boats used to.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36I'll ask you a question, David, right,
0:21:36 > 0:21:39is he standing more like a man on a barge or more like Diana Ross?
0:21:39 > 0:21:43LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:45 > 0:21:47All right, we need an answer.
0:21:47 > 0:21:52So, David's team, is Billy Ed's karaoke companion,
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Jo's dustbin donor,
0:21:55 > 0:21:58or Lee's sticky skipper?
0:21:58 > 0:22:03Only in the Beano would an ice cream land on a bald man's head in that way.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05- Yeah.- Although, what do you think, Kimberly?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07- I think it's between Jo and Ed. - Right.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09- Am I not getting a look-in at all? - No.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Good, cos even I was doubting it.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16I could see Ed and Billy arm-in-arm singing karaoke.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20I sort of think it's Jo cos I-I could believe that Jo would,
0:22:20 > 0:22:25you know, unnecessarily reignite some unpleasantness in her street.
0:22:25 > 0:22:26All right, so what are you going to say?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29It's a terrible, terrible story, but I'm afraid I think it's true.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31You're going for Jo.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32- We going for..?- Jo.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Jo. I think we are going with Jo.
0:22:34 > 0:22:40All right. OK. Billy, would you please reveal your true identity?
0:22:40 > 0:22:41I am Billy,
0:22:41 > 0:22:45and I was the Diana Ross to my Lionel Ritchie.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48APPLAUSE
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Yes.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Billy really was Ed's karaoke companion,
0:22:54 > 0:22:55and...it gets better.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Oh, my gosh!
0:23:01 > 0:23:04It's an interesting new definition of the word "better."
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Ladies and gentleman, this is a treat.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12The lyrics are on the autocue, just there, OK?
0:23:12 > 0:23:13I can't see the words.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Now, listen, listen. Listen.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20That's it, that's it, that's it. That's what we want.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Right, I'm going to hold it for you.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23Well done, Rob.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24- OK?- Yeah.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Music maestro, please.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28MUSIC STARTS
0:23:28 > 0:23:30# My love
0:23:31 > 0:23:36# There's only you in my life
0:23:36 > 0:23:40# The only thing that's right. #
0:23:40 > 0:23:41This is your bit, Billy, this is your bit.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42# My! #
0:23:42 > 0:23:44- Not yet!- Oh.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45# My first love
0:23:45 > 0:23:50# You're every plan that I take
0:23:50 > 0:23:54# You're every step I make. #
0:23:54 > 0:24:02- Get ready, Ed.- # And now
0:24:02 > 0:24:11# I want to share all my love with you
0:24:11 > 0:24:19- # You know I can do - Oh, you know I can do
0:24:19 > 0:24:28# My, and you tell me how much you care
0:24:28 > 0:24:34# Cos all my love inside
0:24:34 > 0:24:38# I'll give it all to you
0:24:38 > 0:24:43# My-My endless loves My endless love. #
0:24:44 > 0:24:47APPLAUSE
0:24:47 > 0:24:50What are we doing?!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Billy!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Which brings us to our final round,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Quick-fire Lies, and we start with...
0:25:03 > 0:25:04It's David Baddiel.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09In a quest to improve my jawline,
0:25:09 > 0:25:12I once bought myself a chin gym.
0:25:14 > 0:25:15Lee's team.
0:25:15 > 0:25:16Right.
0:25:16 > 0:25:17I-I think that's true.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21LAUGHTER
0:25:23 > 0:25:25What's a chin gym, first of all?
0:25:25 > 0:25:31A chin gym is a device to help you if you have a double or
0:25:31 > 0:25:35triple chin, and it's like a sort of L-shaped bit of plastic
0:25:35 > 0:25:38and you-you bite it really hard and then you have tiny little
0:25:38 > 0:25:42weights that you put on the other end of it and you're like, "Ahhh,"
0:25:42 > 0:25:46and then you take weights off, put them back on again, that's a chin gym.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48What was the thing you were trying to solve -
0:25:48 > 0:25:53was your chin particularly weak or was it just fat?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56What were you... What was the diagnosis?
0:25:57 > 0:26:01I have a beard, and I only really have a beard
0:26:01 > 0:26:06because I have a double chin, and I think, wrongly, obviously,
0:26:06 > 0:26:10that this gives me the illusion of a jawline,
0:26:10 > 0:26:14and the reason that I have that is that the chin gym didn't work.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17How many times a day did you have to do it, then?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Well, one of the things about the chin gym is you can do it
0:26:20 > 0:26:22whilst you're doing something else.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24While you're writing, for example,
0:26:24 > 0:26:28while you're watching telly, you can do it, while you're reading.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- But-but you were... But you were really trying to tone up your chin, were you?- Yes.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Trying to tone it?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35You're-you're saying this as if you can't
0:26:35 > 0:26:37think of the idea of toning up your chin.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- I can't.- That surprises me.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43All you can do is build muscle up, can't you, to-to...
0:26:43 > 0:26:45- There's no muscle in your chin. - There's no muscle there.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48- Yeah, there is muscle in your chin. - Yes, there is.- There is. - There's muscles everywhere.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52- I know there's muscles everywhere... - Muscles are in your jaw.- I'm feeling this, and I'm feeling a lot of...
0:26:52 > 0:26:54- Let me feel.- Don't touch me, Balls!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56I'm feeling...
0:26:56 > 0:26:57Don't touch me balls?!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00LAUGHTER
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Can I ask you, because when people exercise in the gym,
0:27:05 > 0:27:09they'll often put on music, so would you put on The Eye Of The Tiger, or..?
0:27:09 > 0:27:12There aren't-there aren't that many chin based...
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Chin chimmery, chim chimmery chim chim cheeroo.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Good point, although you called it chim chimmery.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19- Well...- ..which I think is wrong.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Chim chim-e-ney.
0:27:21 > 0:27:22Chim chim-e-ney.
0:27:22 > 0:27:23It's certainly not chin.
0:27:23 > 0:27:28Chin chinnery, what would a chinnery be, a place chins were stored?
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Like a serial killer would store the chins of his victims.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33See the chinnery.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37What kind of serial killer is that?
0:27:37 > 0:27:41A very eccentric serial killer. I only... I only keep the chins.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47How long did you stick with it as a method, how long did you go with it?
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Well, it was in my house for about seven years,
0:27:50 > 0:27:51but I used it perhaps twice.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Twice?
0:27:53 > 0:27:55So, what do you think - is he telling the truth?
0:27:55 > 0:27:57- Well, I think it's true.- You do?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Yeah, I can imagine people being a bit desperate
0:27:59 > 0:28:03to get rid of their-their double chin and thinking...
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- But it's the way he... - .."I'll have a go at this."
0:28:05 > 0:28:08But the way he's described the contraption I'm just thinking it's
0:28:08 > 0:28:11nothing that a ruler and a small can of beans wouldn't sort out.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13You're saying?
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Well, I think it could be true.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Well, then let's say it's true, shall we, then? We'll go for true.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20- All right.- Preposterous but true.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23True. David the chin gym, truth or lie?
0:28:23 > 0:28:25It is...
0:28:25 > 0:28:26..true.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29Yes! That was good, we got one.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31BUZZER
0:28:31 > 0:28:33That noise signals time is up, it's the end of the show,
0:28:33 > 0:28:36and I can reveal that the scores are tied - it's a draw.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Thank you for watching. We'll see you next time. Goodnight.