0:00:23 > 0:00:26Good evening and welcome to Would I Lie To You,
0:00:26 > 0:00:29the show with tall tales and tantalising truths.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31On Lee Mack's team tonight,
0:00:31 > 0:00:34an actress who recently played the part of Anne Boleyn.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Very exciting. Although, spoiler alert,
0:00:37 > 0:00:38she's not in the second series!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40It's Cariad Lloyd.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43APPLAUSE
0:00:43 > 0:00:46And a comedian, who when he was on Celebrity MasterChef,
0:00:46 > 0:00:49arranged his herbs in alphabetical order.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Where did he find the thyme?
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Probably next to the parsley! It's Ade Edmondson.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:00And over on David Mitchell's team tonight,
0:01:00 > 0:01:03a singer who is one half of Rizzle Kicks.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05So tonight's biggest lie
0:01:05 > 0:01:07will be when David pretends he's heard of them!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09It's Jordan Stephens.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11APPLAUSE
0:01:12 > 0:01:14And as part of The Apprentice,
0:01:14 > 0:01:17he's responsible for Lord Sugar's annual search
0:01:17 > 0:01:19to find Britain's most deluded narcissist!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Please welcome Claude Littner.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24APPLAUSE
0:01:26 > 0:01:30And so to round one, Home Truths, where our panellists
0:01:30 > 0:01:32each read a statement from the card in front of them.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Now, to make things harder they've never seen the card before,
0:01:35 > 0:01:38they have no idea what they'll be faced with
0:01:38 > 0:01:41and it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Ade, you're first up.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Right.
0:01:46 > 0:01:51"When I broke my neck at school all I was given was an aspirin."
0:01:53 > 0:01:56- David's team.- What happened? How did you break your neck?
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Erm...
0:01:59 > 0:02:01LAUGHTER
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Don't worry, we can lose that pause in the edit!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06LAUGHTER
0:02:06 > 0:02:08As a young man I was in the gym team.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10- Right.- At school.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13We were doing a display for... Whatever you do...
0:02:13 > 0:02:17Founder's Day, something like that you know.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20I had to do a somersault over a box.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22A box?
0:02:22 > 0:02:23A horse.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Yeah, yeah, a horse box.- The bit...
0:02:25 > 0:02:29- One of the...- It wasn't that big. - No, a vault.- Yes.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31So I jumped over one of those
0:02:31 > 0:02:36and was supposed to do a somersault, but I did one and a half.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40And landed on your head.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42He's very clever, isn't he, that one?
0:02:42 > 0:02:46So what happened then, Ade? You came crashing to the floor?
0:02:46 > 0:02:48There was a very loud noise.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Your neck breaking made a noise?
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Yes. Why wouldn't a neck breaking make a lot of noise?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- That's a good point. - Wouldn't you scream anyway?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59But the noise would precede the scream.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02But on the way down, on the way to hitting your neck,
0:03:02 > 0:03:05presumably you'd be shouting out something like, "Ahhh!"
0:03:05 > 0:03:08No because actually there's sometimes a delay before the pain actually arrives.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13Yeah, but there still might be alarm as you see the chances of you saving yourself from your neck breaking.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16It's like people in an aeroplane that's crashing,
0:03:16 > 0:03:18they're probably screaming and you don't go,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20"Well, you're fine at the moment."
0:03:20 > 0:03:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:26 > 0:03:30So you've hit the ground, you fall to the floor, what happens then?
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- I was in a great deal of pain. - Was there a gym teacher present?
0:03:33 > 0:03:38There was. He was Scottish. Jock Watt, his name was.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40LAUGHTER
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- No, no, no.- That was his... - Jock Watt.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47You had a teacher called Jock Watt? So what did Watt do?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49One of the first things he did...
0:03:51 > 0:03:54..was he put out his cigarette.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56LAUGHTER
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- Erm, no... - On the head of a nearby child.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02LAUGHTER
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- Watt was there...- Where?
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- In the display. - Watt was in the display?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10What? Part of it?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- We're quite small schoolboys. - Cheer leaders.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- So there's a kind of teacher to catch you.- Oh, yes.
0:04:15 > 0:04:20- Or half catch you, half catch... - What, somebody dropped you?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22You bounce over the thing and you sort of...
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Is that after he dropped you? Is that when he went...
0:04:25 > 0:04:27LAUGHTER
0:04:30 > 0:04:33I was carried off the field of display.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- By what?- By...
0:04:35 > 0:04:37LAUGHTER
0:04:40 > 0:04:43And taken to the sick bay...
0:04:44 > 0:04:47..where I was given an aspirin.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50So where was Watt now?
0:04:50 > 0:04:53LAUGHTER
0:04:53 > 0:04:55I wish his name wasn't Watt.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Why?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Oh, dear.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07So was it evident to you from the start that you'd
0:05:07 > 0:05:09broken your neck?
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Er, no.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14I suffered a great deal of pain for very many years...
0:05:15 > 0:05:17..and didn't really find out about the...
0:05:19 > 0:05:21..crushed vertebrae...
0:05:21 > 0:05:22..until...
0:05:22 > 0:05:23Yesterday.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Until a few years after.
0:05:28 > 0:05:33So what are you thinking? Are you thinking that it could be true?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Well, the thing is, I have been observing him, as I do,
0:05:35 > 0:05:37and he doesn't have full movement of his neck.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Look, look at that.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Wow!
0:05:42 > 0:05:45How long have you been observing him for, Claude?
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Yeah, you see.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- What do you think? - I reckon it's true now because
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- of the whole neck thing. - You think it's true because
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- of inhibited neck movement. - I do, indeed.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59We're going to say it's true.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Ade Edmondson, was it true or was it a lie?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04It's...
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- ..true.- Yeah!
0:06:09 > 0:06:15Yes, it's true, Ade was given an aspirin for a broken neck.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16- Cariad...- Yes.- ..you're next.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18OK.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21I was sacked from my job in a call centre for repeatedly using
0:06:21 > 0:06:22different accents on the phone.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25David's team.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Who were you in a call centre for? Who did you work for?
0:06:27 > 0:06:30I was working for Royal Mail.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31- Royal Mail?- Yeah.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35And what sort of call do you get, "Where's my post?"
0:06:37 > 0:06:43It was a while ago, and you used to not have Google
0:06:43 > 0:06:46and people used to ring for postcodes.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48What's your favourite accent to do?
0:06:48 > 0:06:49So, obviously Welsh is easy, so...
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Would you do the accent of the postcode?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Yeah, that would... Sometimes you could do that.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00- So, OK, I'll be the person who needs my postcode, OK?- OK.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04IMITATES A PHONE RINGING
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Yeah.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09That does sound like a pre-Google phone, I'll give you that.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Hello.- Oh, hello. - Bore da.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- I need a postcode, please. - That's nice.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Oh, are you Welsh as well?
0:07:16 > 0:07:19THEY SPEAK WELSH
0:07:20 > 0:07:23HE CONTINUES TO SPEAK WELSH: Sitting on panel, moron to your left.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Can you give me the full address, please?
0:07:31 > 0:07:35All right, 14 Mack Avenue.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Now where's that now?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39It's just round the corner from Success Street.
0:07:42 > 0:07:4614 Mack Avenue, Deadsville, Nowhere Town.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48- I'm afraid... - Oh, it is in Wales.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Oh, yes, that's very near Swansea.
0:07:52 > 0:07:58The postcode you require is S for sugar, W for Wilson, eight,
0:07:58 > 0:08:01R for Robert, B for Bertie.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03That's a lot nearer Wimbledon than I expected.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06SW.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Well, I wasn't always right.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- David, why don't you make an enquiry?- OK. Hello.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Well, hang on, you've got to ring her first.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15HE IMITATES PHONE RINGING
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- That's really good.- The sooner this is privatised the better!
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- SHE IMITATES AN AMERICAN ACCENT: - Hi, there, hello. Hi.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Oh, I wasn't expecting to speak to an American.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29No, I know, it's exciting, we just...
0:08:29 > 0:08:32I just came over here and I got myself a job.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- That's very good, that's very good. - Thanks.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Were you working nine to five, by any chance?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- How can I help y'all? - Well, I would like...
0:08:39 > 0:08:41How y'all doing there, you have a nice day?
0:08:41 > 0:08:45It's so hot here in London, I can't tell you, I'm sweating like a pig.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Well, hang on, it's not one of those lines, is it?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50HE IMITATES AMERICAN ACCENT: Well, it's real hot here.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I might just get out of these hot clothes.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I literally didn't say that!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I said sweating like a pig!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00In which case, at the other end you'd hear...
0:09:00 > 0:09:02HE IMITATES DAVID: "Ah, really?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05"Oh, gosh, well, I certainly wasn't expecting that."
0:09:07 > 0:09:10So, how did they discover that you were doing these voices?
0:09:10 > 0:09:14I didn't know, but they were listening in to check.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15For training purposes.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18And so they were listening in for a week on me.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Look, I have as much of a sense of fun as the next man, but...
0:09:23 > 0:09:24I hope it's not him.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29..that's very disrespectful to your employers.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33They were paying me like 4.60 an hour, I think.
0:09:33 > 0:09:34Well, work more hours.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Work more hours, save up, you could go on a cruise!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47So what did they say to you? What did they say to you?
0:09:47 > 0:09:51They took me aside and it was going to be like Christmas break
0:09:51 > 0:09:54and they just said, "We're asking everyone back after Christmas,
0:09:54 > 0:09:56"but we're not asking you."
0:09:56 > 0:09:59I should have said, "That's fine, sugar, I don't even care."
0:09:59 > 0:10:00But I didn't.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02So what do you think, Claude?
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Yeah, you have to say it out loud.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- I think it's a lie. - You think it's a lie?
0:10:12 > 0:10:16They wouldn't wait a week to fire her. I'd have fired her immediately.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18I think it's believable that you could be that bored
0:10:18 > 0:10:20in a phone centre.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I'm leaning towards true.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24OK, you're saying it's true?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Cariad, truth or lie?
0:10:27 > 0:10:29It's true.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Yes, it's true.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38Cariad was sacked from her job for using different accents.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
0:10:41 > 0:10:43who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Now this week, each of David's team will claim it's them
0:10:46 > 0:10:48that has the genuine connection to the guest,
0:10:48 > 0:10:51and it's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54So please welcome this week's special guest, Ian.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04So, Claude, what is Ian to you?
0:11:04 > 0:11:10Well, this is Ian and he's keeping my motorbike in his shed,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13and my wife doesn't know that I've actually got a motorbike.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Jordan, how do you know Ian?
0:11:17 > 0:11:21This is Ian, we used to regularly drive to a field together
0:11:21 > 0:11:22and howl at the moon.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27And, David, what is your relationship with Ian?
0:11:27 > 0:11:31This is Ian, he is the taxi driver who cooked me
0:11:31 > 0:11:34a fried egg sandwich on the engine of his car.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39So there we have it. Lee, where do you want to start?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Well, we could do with one more, cos none of them
0:11:41 > 0:11:43are sounding very convincing.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46So, Jordan, why would you bark at the moon?
0:11:46 > 0:11:51Because full moon, you know, like, it's what you do.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- Oh, so, you were doing it... - No, no, no, you don't.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57You would only do the full moon?
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- Yeah, it would be a full moon. - Where would you do this?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Um, a field.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05How old were you?
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Four.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10My mum was there and some of her friends.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- How old are you?- I'm 25.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15And do you know how old he is?
0:12:15 > 0:12:16- Uh...- Roughly?
0:12:20 > 0:12:23- I notice you had to glance there, Jordan, just to check.- 40?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26So he's 15 years older than you, so when you were four,
0:12:26 > 0:12:29he was 19, right?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32What's your relationship with this man?
0:12:32 > 0:12:33He's, like, my mum's mate.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37He's your mum's friend, and so your mum would howl at the moon?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- Yeah.- Why?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Yeah, my mum loves the moon, in fact.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42It sounds like you all love the moon.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Yeah. My mum's name's actually Emmaluna,
0:12:45 > 0:12:46because she likes the moon.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Right.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Hang on, what? She changed her name to that?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Yeah, I think she was called Emmelina.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56And what's his name?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- Um, well, Ian... - Do you want a minute to think?
0:13:00 > 0:13:04- It's Ian Howell.- Ian Howell? - Ian Howell?- Yeah.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05Ian Howell and Emmaluna.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08And did you have a moon associated name at that time?
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- I wanted one.- But you weren't old enough to get your moon name.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12- You hadn't earned your moon name. - Yeah.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14They just kept calling you son.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19"You're not ready yet, son."
0:13:21 > 0:13:24How many people were in the field howling at the moon?
0:13:24 > 0:13:25I don't know, it was dark.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31How long are you doing this?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33How long are you howling at the moon for? Were you there all night?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- How long for?- Yeah. - Just until we felt better.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Better? What was up with you?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41It's very... No, it's very therapeutic howling at the moon.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43But, yeah, therapy for what? What was up with you?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- Well, you know, the month gets a bit like, "Oh."- Yeah.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- You look at your hands, they've gone really hairy.- Yeah. Yes.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51We'd better howl at the moon.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53But I had a, you know, quite a hippie upbringing, you know.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I was just getting at one with nature.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57So it's getting at one with nature, it was a bit of a hippie...
0:13:57 > 0:13:58Feeling the energy.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01We just had a thunder moon, actually, very powerful.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- You've just had one?- Yeah, recently. - We have just had one.- Yeah, we did.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05I haven't personally had a thunder moon.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- What's a thunder moon? - It's not, like, a dish.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11"I had thunder moon last night, it was fantastic."
0:14:11 > 0:14:14I had curry last night, I had thunder moon this morning.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18All right, who else would you like to question?
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Claude, why don't you remind us of...
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Sorry, Claude, yes. - ..how you know Ian?
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- Well, I know Ian because I first met him about a year ago.- Yeah.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29And he came to fix a leak in my house.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33In the course of conversation, he said that he's got a motorbike,
0:14:33 > 0:14:35and actually I've always wanted a motorbike.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- Right, have you never owned one before?- No, I haven't.- OK.- No.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39So you've never ridden one?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- I probably have on holiday, but not really.- All right.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- What bike is it?- What bike have I actually bought?- Yeah.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Well, I'm glad you've asked me that.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50It's called... I don't know how familiar you are with bikes?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- Very familiar. - Well, let's assume he is.- OK.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- It's called a Fat Boy. - Oh, good.- Fat Boy?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57It's a Harley Davidson.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58And when did you take your test?
0:14:58 > 0:15:02No, I haven't taken the test. That's why the bike's in his shed.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05- Because you can't drive it? - Not yet, but I can start it up.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06So you bought...
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Why haven't you told your wife?
0:15:08 > 0:15:09I don't think she'd approve.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Well, do you think this is not going to give it away
0:15:11 > 0:15:14a bit on national television?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Look, sooner or later the truth must out
0:15:16 > 0:15:18and I've chosen tonight.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20You've got a Harley Davidson that you're just happy not to
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- ride around.- Well, I'm not happy, I'm not happy about it.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25It's more of a status symbol, do you know what I mean?
0:15:25 > 0:15:27- I've got a Harley.- It's only a status symbol if it's
0:15:27 > 0:15:29outside the shed and you're sat on it.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31It's not a status symbol if it's in someone's shed and no-one sees it.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33You might as well have bought a rake.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- And you go and visit the bike? - I do.- To have a look at it?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Well, what I do is I tell my wife I'm going on a business meeting
0:15:41 > 0:15:45and that gives me a few hours of leeway and I go to the shed.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- And what do you do? - Start up the bike.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Feel the throbbing.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54What do you think your wife's going to say
0:15:54 > 0:15:56when she's watching this programme, apart from,
0:15:56 > 0:15:59"Why did you go on that?"
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Well, the thing is that actually she's in the audience now,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- so it's even worse than... - She's here tonight?- She is.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Well, this'll be nice for her to find out.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- How much did you pay for it? - Well, the thing is I'm glad...
0:16:11 > 0:16:14The list price was around £17,500.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16I said that quickly, so it doesn't kind of get too much...
0:16:16 > 0:16:18And how much did you pay, darling?
0:16:18 > 0:16:20I paid a shade under 15 grand, which I think you'll find is
0:16:20 > 0:16:21a very good price.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Why did they give you 2,500 grand off? Cos you're clearly a rich...
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Cos that's the way I do deals.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28You're just good at doing deals?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Yeah. That's the way I roll.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36Now, when you do come to ride this bike, what will your attire be?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Will you be wearing leathers?- Yes, I've already bought my leathers.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- You wear the leathers when you go to look at it?- Yeah.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- You don't!- I do.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44But the thing is with me,
0:16:44 > 0:16:47it's just that I just wanted to have the wind in my hair.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55All right, what about David?
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Remind us again, please, David.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00This is Ian, he's the taxi driver who cooked me
0:17:00 > 0:17:03a fried egg sandwich on the engine of his car.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05And where were you going from and to?
0:17:05 > 0:17:10I was going from a holiday home in the west country in Cornwall.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Your holiday home?
0:17:11 > 0:17:15No, I temporarily had legal access to the holiday home.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17It's quite a common... I don't know what
0:17:17 > 0:17:19the name of it in contract law would be, but it's like
0:17:19 > 0:17:21when you go on holiday to a holiday home and it's not your
0:17:21 > 0:17:24holiday home, but you're allowed to be there for a bit
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- if you give them money. - It's called a rental.- Rental!
0:17:28 > 0:17:29You're at a rental home.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33And then I was leaving it to go to a railway station.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34What station was it?
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Bodmin Parkway.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39You definitely started the word Bodmin not knowing how that
0:17:39 > 0:17:41was going to end.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- Bodmin Parkway.- And he drove you to Bodmin Parkway?- Yes.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46And when did the fried egg, when did that come out in conversation?
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- Yeah.- When we'd arrived at Bodmin. - You'd already arrived?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Didn't you have a train to catch?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53- Yes, but the train...- Yes?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- ..had been cancelled.- Ah.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Why? Why was it cancelled?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59I can't remember, but it does sometimes.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Believe me, that can happen.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Could he not just drive you into Bodmin and find
0:18:05 > 0:18:07a cafe and go to a cafe?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I think he's proud of his egg on engine cooking skills.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11How did he do it?
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Do you have a frying pan on the engine?- No.- What happened?
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Aluminium foil.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17- So he has this with him... - Just cracked it in.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Oh, he didn't have any of this with him. No, no, he mimed it.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25And where did he find the egg?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- He had it in the car. - He had an egg in the car?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- Oh, that's weird.- I'll tell you what, he didn't just have one egg,
0:18:30 > 0:18:33he had, I think, I would estimate between three and six.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- Where did he keep these eggs in the car?- Yeah.- In an egg box.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39No, but where was the egg box? Was it in the boot?
0:18:39 > 0:18:41No, I think it was in a bag in the boot.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42A bag in the boot.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Boot, bag, egg box,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47eggshell, white, yolk.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49You forgot an egg for a minute.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59For a man like you, David, it seems socially awkward to be
0:18:59 > 0:19:03standing round the engine with a bit of tinfoil and...
0:19:03 > 0:19:05But isn't that more reason that it happened?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Any normal people like us would just go, "You're all right, mate,"
0:19:08 > 0:19:10- and walk off.- Yeah.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13David, he's stood there, "Well, I suppose I'd better forget
0:19:13 > 0:19:15"the train and just have an egg sandwich."
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Forget the train! I'm waiting.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19I've got to wait there an hour.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Yeah, I'm not trying to sort of forge a new life with
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Ian at Bodmin Parkway car park.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Oh, we've got four eggs, that'll see us through the next day or two.
0:19:29 > 0:19:35So, we need an answer. Lee's team, is Ian Claude's motorbike minder,
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Jordan's moonlight mate, or David's fried egg friend?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41What I don't like about David's story is
0:19:41 > 0:19:44the idea that there was another - I live in the south-west -
0:19:44 > 0:19:47that there was another train in an hour, they're not that frequent.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48Really? Are they like once a day?
0:19:48 > 0:19:52There's like three trains on that line from Bodmin.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53You've been done.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Wow.- OK, what about Claude and the motorbike?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01The idea that he wouldn't tell his wife
0:20:01 > 0:20:04that he's bought a motorbike, I actually do buy, I buy that bit.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08The bit I don't buy is that he chooses a light entertainment show
0:20:08 > 0:20:11that's been nominated for three BAFTAs - we've never won -
0:20:11 > 0:20:18to tell everybody, mainly his wife, that that is what he's done.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21All right, now what about Jordan and howling at the moon?
0:20:21 > 0:20:22I'm liking this story.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I still don't know why. He said it's to make him feel better, but...
0:20:25 > 0:20:28No, I had hippie parents and I had to do a lot of weird stuff.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29What did you have to do?
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Oh, we had to go and sit in circles and chant and shout,
0:20:31 > 0:20:34in like communes in Scotland. Yeah.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35So I had to weird stuff like that.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Am I the only one that we all had to go shop lifting at Threshers?
0:20:42 > 0:20:45- I'm thinking Jordan.- OK, we'll go... Shall we go for Jordan?
0:20:45 > 0:20:46You're going for Jordan?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Or it could be Claude, look at his little eyes.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52It was just as I said Jordan then, you were about to turn,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Claude literally, like the evil man with the white cat.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00He literally went, "Ha-ha-ha-ha."
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Just because of the menacing evil smile,
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- I think we should change to Claude. - You're going to go with Claude?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07- Claude, the smile of victory. - All right.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Ian, please reveal your true identity.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- I'm Ian, and Jordan and I used to howl at the moon.- Ah!
0:21:15 > 0:21:18HE HOWLS
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Is he called Ian Howell?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25And were you called Ian Howell before you were
0:21:25 > 0:21:27howling at the moon or did you change your name?
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Yes, I was always called Ian Howell.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31I knew it, weird hippie stuff.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Let's hear the howl.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35THEY HOWL
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Yes, Ian is Jordan's moonlight mate.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Thank you very much, Ian.
0:21:42 > 0:21:43Thank you.
0:21:46 > 0:21:50Which brings us to our final round, Quickfire Lies, and we start with...
0:21:51 > 0:21:53..it's Lee.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Having recently got into Eastern cuisine, this Christmas sees
0:21:58 > 0:22:00the launch of my new cookbook...
0:22:01 > 0:22:03LAUGHTER
0:22:04 > 0:22:06..Lee Mack's Wok Around The Clock.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- David.- Give us some of the recipes from Wok Around The Clock.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Shall I give you my favourite ones?
0:22:18 > 0:22:21- Just your favourite six or seven. - OK.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25Yeah, well, I like quite simplistic
0:22:25 > 0:22:27because believe it or not, believe it or not...
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- Simplistic! - ..I thought simplistic...
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Simplistic, so raw pork.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36So, sweet-and-sour pork balls is one of my specialities.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40How would you cook your sweet-and-sour pork balls?
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Well, I'll tell you exactly how I would cook
0:22:42 > 0:22:48my sweet-and-sour pork balls - for £9.99 you can find out.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Did you go to the publishers with this idea?
0:22:50 > 0:22:52I went to Penguin because they're the only book publishers
0:22:52 > 0:22:54I've heard of.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56How keen were they? Because I have to say, if I was a publisher
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- and you came to me...- Yeah.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00..I wouldn't be interested.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04- Well, ironically, Penguin didn't p-p-p-pick it up straight away.- Yes!
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Did you work in conjunction with a proper chef?
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- Of course I was helped a little bit. - Who? By whom?
0:23:11 > 0:23:13It's a friend of mine, works at the Chinese restaurant.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- What's the name of this person? - You wouldn't know him.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- Well, give it a try.- Steve.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Steve Jenkins.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I've been going into the Chinese restaurant a lot recently,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25and I've been really sort of learning about it
0:23:25 > 0:23:27and savouring the dishes, and I keep saying,
0:23:27 > 0:23:30"Steve, this is fantastic, what is this?"
0:23:30 > 0:23:32And then he says something in Chinese,
0:23:32 > 0:23:33which I don't understand, and then I said...
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Steve Jenkins is Chinese?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38He was adopted when he was a kid by a Chinese family
0:23:38 > 0:23:41and taken to China, but he was an English baby, yeah.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44This is a true story. They took... They took Steve Jenkins.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46They adopted him.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Even though he was a baby, he was known as Steve.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Obviously not. Then, he was called Baby Steve.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- So this Chinese couple adopt Baby Steve...- Stephen.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58His full name, he's called Steve Jenkins.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00And they don't change his name.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02But they couldn't change his name, could they, cos he was...
0:24:02 > 0:24:04They continue to call him Steve Jenkins.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06But he was clearly an English baby.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09They knew he was going to grow up looking western.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Was he the only Steve Jenkins in his school?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14He was actually, yes.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17I think we should concentrate more on my ability to cook
0:24:17 > 0:24:19and less on my ability to understand the basic systems
0:24:19 > 0:24:22of adopted children and taking them to China.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25What was the hardest recipe to perfect?
0:24:25 > 0:24:27The hardest one to perfect was definitely
0:24:27 > 0:24:30the beef in oyster sauce, with chilli.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33How would you go about cooking that?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Well, first of all, I will get my wok.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- Yes.- Very bold of you.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- Yeah, so I get my wok down from my wok shelf.- Yeah.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42- Put it down. - You've got a wok shelf?
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- Wok shelf, yes. - How many woks do you own?
0:24:45 > 0:24:47- About seven.- Seven woks!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49How many woks have you got?
0:24:49 > 0:24:50One.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53- Well, that's why you haven't got a book out at Christmas, mate.- Yeah.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57So I light the burner like that, "Whoosh." That's the noise.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59And I heat the oil, put the oil down,
0:24:59 > 0:25:01peanut oil actually, don't use olive oil, peanut oil.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03- So I put the peanut oil... - Sounds delicious.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05The trick with a wok is not to put the oil at the bottom
0:25:05 > 0:25:08of the pan, it's to dribble it round the edge. You know, the same way
0:25:08 > 0:25:10- as you do a Toilet Duck?- Yeah.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13All the way round the edge and watch it slightly go down.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16And the publisher said, "Probably don't use that analogy."
0:25:17 > 0:25:20So put it round the edge, let it all sink down to the bottom
0:25:20 > 0:25:23like that, yeah. Give it a good spinning round like that.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26And this is peanut oil, even though an increasing number of people
0:25:26 > 0:25:28in Britain are allergic to peanuts.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- Absolutely, but I do... - Doesn't bother you?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32No, I make it very clear to those people on the front of the book.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36I say, "If you have a peanut allergy, you are not welcome."
0:25:36 > 0:25:38And I do that like that, throw it in, you flash fry it...
0:25:38 > 0:25:41HE HISSES
0:25:41 > 0:25:42I'm there.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45HE CONTINUES TO HISS
0:25:45 > 0:25:47You're throwing in three or four different ingredients,
0:25:47 > 0:25:49there's different versions of it.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51I'm going to go with the one with lots of greens,
0:25:51 > 0:25:53lots of broccoli, lots of carrots, a few sesame seeds,
0:25:53 > 0:25:56you're throwing it in. The thing is to feel the pan, feel it!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Become the pan, become one with the pan!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00You flick it up like that, stir it round.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02That's when you add the sauce, that's when you've got to add
0:26:02 > 0:26:05the sauce, the oyster sauce, but it's home-made oyster sauce.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07"How do you make home-made oyster sauce?"
0:26:07 > 0:26:09I'll tell you exactly how you make home-made oyster - you get some
0:26:09 > 0:26:11water from the tap, you soak your oysters in it.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12Yes, you do use oysters.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17You soak them for four weeks in water until the water goes black.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20How does it go black? You get your squid ink, you squid ink it in,
0:26:20 > 0:26:23you mix it up. Mash, down, in, get it really liquidy.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26It's on the turn, but it's not gone off, you've got to get it
0:26:26 > 0:26:28just on the turn you put it in, you whisk it round.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30It's not hissing any more, cos that's stopped.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32It's simmering away like that, it all settles down
0:26:32 > 0:26:34and you pour it onto the pan like that.
0:26:34 > 0:26:359.99, the book's yours.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:40 > 0:26:41I want that.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43David, what are you thinking?
0:26:43 > 0:26:46It was very entertaining, but was it... Well, I say very.
0:26:48 > 0:26:49Was it true?
0:26:49 > 0:26:51No, no, it wasn't true.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Do you need a little time to discuss this with your team?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02No, no, no.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Well, firstly, it wasn't true off the card to start with
0:27:05 > 0:27:08because there's no way Lee would bring out that sort of book.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10- Why? - I've met him, it's evident.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13But why? You don't know everything about me, David.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15He then went on to make it less plausible by the fact that
0:27:15 > 0:27:20your collaborator in this book is a man called Steve Jenkins,
0:27:20 > 0:27:25who was adopted as a baby in this country, taken back to China...
0:27:25 > 0:27:27- Not for long. - No, for his whole childhood.- No, no.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30- He said they came back to Britain. - Yeah, but when he was an adult.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- Oh, when he's an adult.- Yeah. - Yeah, otherwise he'd have been able
0:27:33 > 0:27:36- to speak English now, wouldn't he? - How did you write a book with a man
0:27:36 > 0:27:37that only spoke Cantonese?
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Well, we had an interpreter.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Chinese fella called Brian Smith.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46I think you're incredible, man.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47Blown me away.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Incredible as in not credible?
0:27:50 > 0:27:52So we're saying it's a lie?
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Well, the audience are on tenterhooks.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59Lee, was it the truth?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02See there's a slight part of me now thinking...
0:28:02 > 0:28:04"I could actually bring this out."
0:28:05 > 0:28:06It's a lie.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12It's a lie, Lee hasn't written a cookbook called
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Lee Mack's Wok Around The Clock.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17BUZZER SOUNDS And that noise signals time is up,
0:28:17 > 0:28:18it's the end of the show.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21I can reveal that David's team have won by four points to nil.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Thanks for watching, we'll see you next time, good night.