0:00:22 > 0:00:24Tonight on Would I Lie To You? -
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Stand-up, Jimmy Carr.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Word up, Terry Christian.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33And their team captain, Lee Mack.
0:00:33 > 0:00:39And facing them tonight - Birmingham beauty, Jamelia.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42On comic duty, Marcus Brigstocke.
0:00:42 > 0:00:47And their team captain, David Mitchell.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51And here's your host, Rob Brydon.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Good evening and welcome to Would I Lie To You?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02the show that prides itself on being a liar's paradise.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07According to scientists, certain people are able to tell at a glance whether somebody is lying on not.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09They call these individuals women.
0:01:11 > 0:01:17The very first lie was told by Adam and Eve when they denied eating the apple in the Garden of Eden.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21The cost of eating the apple, an existence of pain and mortality.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25Still, slightly less than a Waitrose pack of four organic Pippins.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28And so to Round One, Home Truths, where our panellists
0:01:28 > 0:01:31each read out a statement from the card in front of them.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36To make things harder, they haven't seen the card, and so have no idea what they'll be faced with.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39It's up to the opposing team to sift the fact from the fiction.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Jimmy, you're first up.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Please reveal all.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48"Prince Philip told me I was a funny-looking fellow when I was a ball boy at Wimbledon."
0:01:48 > 0:01:51David's team.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53What year was this?
0:01:53 > 0:01:57I was about 12 or 13... '84, maybe. Something like that. Ages ago.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- How did you get into being a ball boy?- How did I get into it?
0:02:00 > 0:02:06I just psyched myself up. "I'm going to throw some balls today, yeah!"
0:02:06 > 0:02:07"I love it, man!"
0:02:07 > 0:02:10How does the system of selecting ball boys work?
0:02:10 > 0:02:14I was in the tennis club in my local village, and I used to play tennis,
0:02:14 > 0:02:18and there was a lottery and you could go along and two people from every club went along.
0:02:18 > 0:02:23I thought they were from schools around the Wimbledon area. That's what I thought.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- Where were you at school, Jimmy? - The Wimbledon area.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28LAUGHTER
0:02:28 > 0:02:30He's really foxed us there.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31APPLAUSE
0:02:33 > 0:02:36You were lined up, all the ball boys and ball girls.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Yeah, it was after the Women's Final. Everybody's lined up, like, hundreds of us.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Which final? Who had played?
0:02:42 > 0:02:44It was years ago. Ivan Lendl kind of era.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47He's unlikely to make the Women's Final.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50JAMELIA: Who was Prince Philip there with?
0:02:50 > 0:02:55The Duke and Duchess of Kent or something. I don't really know the Royals that well.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Usually the Duke and Duchess of Kent do all the Wimbledon stuff
0:02:58 > 0:03:03rather than Prince Philip, who's got more important sporting events to go and be racist at.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06I can believe you were a ball boy at Wimbledon,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09but I just don't think Prince Philip often turns up to Wimbledon.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13He does. He told me I was a funny-looking fellow when I was there.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- That's how I know that. - That's the clincher, then.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19MARCUS: Do you have any concept of what particular aspect
0:03:19 > 0:03:22of your demeanour that he found funny-looking?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24LEE: I can answer this.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29In fact, we'll all have a go. We'll start with me and then go around like that.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30What's funny about my massive head?
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Do you think you frightened the Prince with your appearance?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38He was actually really freaked out?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46You know, that joke works if you don't do that.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49AUDIENCE: Ahh!
0:03:49 > 0:03:53I thought you could never look more like a ventriloquist's dummy.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Do that again!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03You cheeky monkey! You'll go back in the box!
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Right, David. What do you reckon? Is he telling the truth?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08What do you think?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11It could be true because of... his face. But...
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I don't think you're ugly, I just think...
0:04:24 > 0:04:27No, sorry! I just think that you have a very unique face.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Nobody will ever forget...
0:04:29 > 0:04:33How am I getting bullied by Jamelia?
0:04:33 > 0:04:34How did that happen?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38So, David, what's your team deciding here?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I think it could be true.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I don't know. I don't trust you.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45You're a funny-looking fellow.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48MARCUS: See, that's the crucial detail.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52I'm edging towards a lie.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54You're saying it's a lie? OK.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- Jimmy Carr.- I can tell you, it is...
0:04:57 > 0:04:59A lie.
0:05:01 > 0:05:02It's a lie.
0:05:02 > 0:05:07Prince Philip didn't tell Jimmy he was a funny-looking fellow at Wimbledon. What a moment.
0:05:07 > 0:05:13Perhaps the funniest man in Britain, known for his off-colour material, finally getting to meet Jimmy Carr.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Jamelia, you're next.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22"I once stole some toilet paper from George Michael's house."
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Lee?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Was it new or used?
0:05:28 > 0:05:34Was it beside the bed on the floor crumpled up, or was it...from a roll?
0:05:34 > 0:05:38I'm amazed he has toilet paper in his house, cos he's normally at the gents' in the park.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46Yeah, it was in his house. In the toilet. Not IN the toilet, like, on the roll.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49What were you doing at George's house?
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- It was a party. I think it was his birthday.- You think?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54How blase are you? You think. What was the occasion?
0:05:54 > 0:05:59- It was a party. What do you have parties for?- I have parties for all sorts of reasons.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- Well, it was one of those reasons. - All right, then.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Why did you steal the paper?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06A memento.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10How much did you steal, Jamelia? What sort of quantities are we talking about here?
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- Just like a square.- One square?
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Then you did this. That's not a square.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18That's an oblong.
0:06:18 > 0:06:24The toilet paper squares are oblong. They're referred to as squares, but they're not perfect squares.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27They're oblong. They're definitely longer than they are wide.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31You're the only person in the world that's noticed that.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Everybody else just goes like that, like that. But not you.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38"I say... Excuse me, darling, pass me the ruler.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42"I think this is actually an oblong, not technically a square."
0:06:43 > 0:06:45How long ago was it?
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- A few years.- Three, four years? Give us some figures.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49About three or four years.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Oh, right. That's handy.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55No further questions, your Honour. False.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57If you're going to steal from George Michael's house,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00you'd steal something a bit better than that.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03DAVID: What do you want, to take a flat screen TV?
0:07:03 > 0:07:09There's taking a memento and then there's just being a thief.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11You're edging towards saying it's a lie, I suspect.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Me and Jimmy think it's a lie, but Terry, if you're gonna overrule us...
0:07:15 > 0:07:18I'm going to disagree and that way I'll look great if you're wrong.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19You won't look great.
0:07:19 > 0:07:24Fair enough. Give them your brutal quipping, not me!
0:07:24 > 0:07:25I'm on your team.
0:07:25 > 0:07:30Right, Jamelia. You're going to have a bit of brutal quipping.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32We'll say that's a lie, Jamelia.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36So, Jamelia, they're saying it's a lie. Are you telling the truth?
0:07:36 > 0:07:39It is...true.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44It's true.
0:07:44 > 0:07:49Jamelia did once steal some toilet paper from George Michael's house.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51I bumped into George Michael in a toilet once.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53We'd never met before, but he was very friendly.
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Marcus, you're next.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Right.
0:07:59 > 0:08:04"I worked as a podium dancer at the Ministry of Sound."
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- You were a podium dancer at where, sorry?- At the Ministry of Sound.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11What does that involve?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Don't just say dancing. What did you have to wear, for example?
0:08:14 > 0:08:19Usually we'd get a phone call and they'd let us know if there was any colour theme.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Then at certain points in the evening,
0:08:22 > 0:08:26they would gather up those of us who were employed to do it
0:08:26 > 0:08:29and put us on a podium to get the crowd going.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31What sort of tunes were you dancing to?
0:08:31 > 0:08:36This was early '90s, so, you know, early '90s house music.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Like what? Name one.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Hello.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44- Erm...- I can't help you here.- No!
0:08:47 > 0:08:50I think the nature of that kind of music was that they were
0:08:50 > 0:08:55relatively indistinct tunes designed to create an atmosphere across the entire evening.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57That's a stroke of luck, innit?
0:08:57 > 0:09:03There is an easy way to tell if he's telling the truth, which is, would you like to show us?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- Not particularly.- Come on!
0:09:06 > 0:09:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:16 > 0:09:18That's it. That's all I'm doing.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- There you go.- Rubbish!
0:09:23 > 0:09:29- I'm now a sort of moderately plump man in my mid-30s. It doesn't have quite the same impact.- Oh, come on.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32What do you mean, "moderately"?
0:09:32 > 0:09:37- Where did they find you? - Their own people just kind of talent spotted me.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39They talent scouted you?
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Marcus, it was a part-time job.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44What other jobs were you doing at the time?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47I was working on an oil rig.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Oh, get off!
0:09:49 > 0:09:56I worked for nine months on an oil rig doing four weeks on, and in the two weeks off I'd go and do...
0:09:56 > 0:09:58This is like your own private Flashdance.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02It's in that area, yeah.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05You were welding and then you were dancing!
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Flashdance is based on your life!
0:10:08 > 0:10:12What did the oil rig people, did you tell them what you were doing part-time?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- I used to practise on the rig. - You did not!
0:10:14 > 0:10:19In a way, an oil rig is just a massive podium.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Lee, what do you think? Is he telling the truth?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27It's got a lot of YMCA qualities to it, to be honest.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29# Duh, duh-duh... # Come on, boys!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Not only do I think this is true, I think this is
0:10:32 > 0:10:36the most dignified and wonderful way for Marcus to come out on television.
0:10:36 > 0:10:43It's so stupid, in a way, and unbelievable, that it could be true
0:10:43 > 0:10:46as a double bluff, but a lie is a double bluff
0:10:46 > 0:10:52and he's made it mad and he's thrown the oil rig thing in which might be true, to go with the lie.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- It's a lie.- After three series we've done so far,
0:10:55 > 0:11:00I've never asked someone and at the end of it had less information than when I started.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03That's why you're the team captain and I'm on the end.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Now I'm being quipped again by you both.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11You're like Radio Four panel show bullies. So I would say...
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Radio Four? I've never been so happy in all my life!
0:11:15 > 0:11:20- Do you really think that, Terence? - Yes. I'm telling you, he's lying.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Did you not see the dance move? Did you not see his crazy...
0:11:23 > 0:11:27I didn't believe any of this, but that was a move, wasn't it?
0:11:27 > 0:11:31- What are you going to go for, Lee? - We'll say it's true.- OK, Marcus.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Is it truth or a lie?
0:11:33 > 0:11:37It is in fact...true.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46It's true. Marcus did work as a podium dancer at the Ministry of Sound.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49The DJs got a lot of requests from clubbers at the Ministry,
0:11:49 > 0:11:52mainly, "Can you get that big, posh bloke off the podium?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54"He's putting me off my ecstasy."
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Our next round is called The Ring of Truth,
0:11:59 > 0:12:01in which I read out some amazing celebrity facts
0:12:01 > 0:12:05and all our team have to do is decide whether they're true or not.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Lee's team, take a look at this.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10This is my kinda town.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Riding the express elevator to
0:12:18 > 0:12:21the top of one of the city's highest buildings,
0:12:21 > 0:12:24this is the view that nearly took my breath away.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29You know, it's an adventure to shop in this city.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33150 market stalls display their goods,
0:12:33 > 0:12:39whilst over them tense traffic pounds across the elevated inner ring road.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Yes, it's my kinda town.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49So, so long, Birmingham. Here's lookin' at ya.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57So here's the related fact, then, for Lee's team.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- A related fact? It's not that related, is it?- It's Birmingham.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11There are two Telly Savalases on her chest.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17It looks like those stuck on ones, you know, that you can buy in the joke shop?
0:13:17 > 0:13:21What's famous about Jodie Marsh is that hers were actually real.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23She's had an ongoing spat with Jordan
0:13:23 > 0:13:27over the fact that Jordan has had surgery and she hasn't.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29I've met both of them.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Both tits?
0:13:32 > 0:13:39I kinda had a quick, you know... You can't help looking, can you?
0:13:39 > 0:13:44To be honest, Jodie Marsh strikes me as somebody who wouldn't particularly mind people looking.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47It'd be a bit rich if she gets massively offended.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51Turns up like that, somebody looks at her tits and she goes, "How dare you?
0:13:51 > 0:13:55"Actually, I'm very skilled in golf course management.
0:13:55 > 0:14:00"What do you have to do to get taken seriously as a woman these days?!"
0:14:00 > 0:14:04Why would she do a course on golf course management?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Well, she plays golf.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11Her love of the game comes from her grandfather, Jasper Marsh, who was actually a professional golfer.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13The University of Birmingham.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Did it used to be a polytechnic, or did it used to be a 24-hour garage?
0:14:20 > 0:14:25To be fair, I think the University of Birmingham is a proper one.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26It's a proper university.
0:14:26 > 0:14:31Jodie wrote her dissertation on the placement of bunkers on links courses.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35- No she didn't!- Come on, Rob, you're pushing your luck now!
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- What are you going to say on this one?- What do you think?
0:14:38 > 0:14:43I can't imagine she's got a golf course management from the University of Birmingham.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47I'm going to say it's a lie. But I think it might be true.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Terry's off again.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Either way, I'll end up being ridiculed by my own team.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57What are you writing down there?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00It's a letter to Points of View to complain about this show.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03So you're saying it's a lie?
0:15:03 > 0:15:05You say it's a lie. OK, well.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07It's actually...a lie.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12When we all agree, you see. When we all agree.
0:15:12 > 0:15:18Jodie Marsh doesn't have a degree in Golf Course Management from the University of Birmingham.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Golf course management is a taxing degree.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25You learn all about golf course design, upkeep, groundsmanship,
0:15:25 > 0:15:27and then after lunch you get a certificate.
0:15:29 > 0:15:34Which means at the end of that round, it's David's team in the lead with three points.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36APPLAUSE
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Our next round is called This Is Mine.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46We bring on a mystery guest who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50This week, each of Lee's team will claim it's them that has the genuine
0:15:50 > 0:15:51connection to the guest.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54It's up to David's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Please welcome this week's special guest, Steve.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10So, Terry. What's Steve to you?
0:16:10 > 0:16:12This is my mate Steve.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14We were actually questioned by police,
0:16:14 > 0:16:18who mistook us both for jewel thieves.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20That sounds incredibly plausible.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Lee, perhaps you'd like to explain how you know Steve?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26This is Steve.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29We own a greyhound together that has come last in every race.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33And finally, Jimmy, what's your connection with Steve?
0:16:33 > 0:16:35This is Steve, we were at primary school together,
0:16:35 > 0:16:40didn't see each other for 20 years and then met up in a hotel when he brought me room service.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45You call it room service!
0:16:46 > 0:16:49David's team, where do you want to start?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52You're all claiming to be friends with him. I want to see a real connection,
0:16:52 > 0:16:57so if you can all give him a hug, I want to see if there is, you know...
0:16:57 > 0:17:00You want to see if I hug this man like I own a greyhound with him?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03No, no. If he's your friend, if you own something with him...
0:17:03 > 0:17:06This is how we hug. We go like this, usually.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07"Hey, how are you, little fella?
0:17:09 > 0:17:13"Get off! I'm trying to get off with him here."
0:17:13 > 0:17:14That's how we hug.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18Leave my mate alone. Aye up, mate, how you doing?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Can you just turn around?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Which hotel was this, Jimmy?
0:17:34 > 0:17:38- It was the Lowry in Manchester. - That is a hotel in Manchester.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41He's the night duty manager there.
0:17:41 > 0:17:47He knew you were staying in the hotel and brought your room service up in order to renew your acquaintance?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Yes, and I recognised him immediately.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Did you go, "Oh, my God, Steve, how are you?"
0:17:52 > 0:17:55He really hasn't changed that much.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Have you remained friends with him since?
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Yeah, I stay in the same hotel quite a lot.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02So you only see him when you go to the hotel?
0:18:02 > 0:18:06But that's fine. He lives in Manchester, I live in London, so...
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- He's not your friend, then. - What do you want me to do, take him to the zoo?
0:18:14 > 0:18:18- So, Lee, what's the name of the greyhound?- It's called Ballyregan.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20And how many times has Ballyregan raced?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- Six times.- And has always come last?
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Always come absolutely last. We've put him in at too high a grade.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Where has Ballyregan raced?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- Wimbledon.- So where does he live?
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Wimbledon! Most of the dogs that run at Wimbledon are trained in Wimbledon.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37So he lives at, what, a kennels?
0:18:37 > 0:18:40No, he lives at the Trust House 40. Where do you think he lives?
0:18:42 > 0:18:48Dog tracks have adjacent kennels? And Ballyregan lives in the adjacent kennels.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- The trainers live around dog tracks. - You're in trouble now.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53David and dog racing. He knows everything about it.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58Listen, if there's one thing I'm always gonna beat David at, it's dog racing.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01I'm often down at Walthamstow with my Woodbine.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04IMITATES DAVID: Run, you little bastard, or I'll shoot you!
0:19:05 > 0:19:09IMITATES DAVID: Where are the pheasants? There's no bloody pheasants.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13I don't understand. We'll never catch the fox at this rate.
0:19:13 > 0:19:18What are you talking about? Pheasants? Dogs? Fox?
0:19:18 > 0:19:23What sort of a menagerie do you imagine I'd be imagining?!
0:19:23 > 0:19:28I'm in my castle with ten different sorts of vaguely posh animal,
0:19:28 > 0:19:32all fighting each other, then I kill a servant and have sex with the wall!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Yes, that's who you are!
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Right, how much does it cost to kennel Ballyregan?
0:19:42 > 0:19:47- It costs £35 a week.- So why do you share him? Is it the credit crunch?
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- Because it was Steve's idea.- So, Terry, how did you get to know Steve?
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Just being out and about, drinking and what have you.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00So you met him in a pub? He was a stranger in a pub, you got talking.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02You're right. Out and about.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Out and about? And you meet people?
0:20:04 > 0:20:07You're out and about on a friend-finding mission.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09"Will you be my friend? Yes."
0:20:09 > 0:20:14Can you tell us the actual situation. Why did the police think you were jewel thieves?
0:20:14 > 0:20:19They just thought we were sort of dressed like the description...
0:20:19 > 0:20:24Stripy top, hat, bag?
0:20:26 > 0:20:30It was in the city centre and we were walking down the road.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Next thing you know, these four police cars pull up.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Hang on. City centre, Manchester. Pedestrianised, mate.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40IN MANCUNIAN ACCENT: You should know that.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Did they pull up in police trams?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48We were walking down this road in the city centre,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51right, and four police cars pulled up...
0:20:51 > 0:20:56- Got out, walked...- They got out... - ..about three miles.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01They just said that we fitted the description
0:21:01 > 0:21:05of these guys who had just carried out a robbery on a jeweller's.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Right, we need an answer.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09So, David's team.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Is Steve Terry's partner in crime, Lee's partner in a dog,
0:21:13 > 0:21:17or Jimmy's primary school pal?
0:21:17 > 0:21:22OK, can I rule Terry out at this stage?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25I'm happy to rule Terry out.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29And I do think Steve looks too well-groomed to be from Manchester.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Jamelia, everyone! Come on.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Another thing, Lee,
0:21:38 > 0:21:41you're way too successful to have bought half a dog.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- You'd just buy your own greyhound. I think it's Jimmy. - You think it's Jimmy?
0:21:44 > 0:21:49- I think it's greyhound. - I think I'm edging towards Jimmy.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52I think Jimmy looked a little bit put upon when you were
0:21:52 > 0:21:57sort of having a go at essentially what a bad friend he is.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02"It's all very well, for a quick sandwich in a hotel bar,
0:22:02 > 0:22:06"But, you know, I've got gigs and stuff. Steve, isn't it?
0:22:06 > 0:22:09"Yeah, catch you next time I'm passing through town."
0:22:10 > 0:22:12So, David, time to decide.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16I think we'll go with the majority decision. We think it's Jimmy.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18OK. Well, Steve,
0:22:18 > 0:22:21would you like to reveal your true identity?
0:22:21 > 0:22:25Yeah, the truth is me and Terry were mistaken as jewel thieves.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33Yes. Steve is Terry's mate.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37They were questioned by the police, who mistook them for jewel thieves.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Was it a pedestrianised area?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43No, it was in Derby, actually, not Manchester.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44You liar!
0:22:44 > 0:22:47No, I just said a city centre. He said Manchester.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Thank you very much, Steve.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Which brings us to our final round, Quick Fire Lies, in which
0:22:57 > 0:23:00panellists lie not only through their teeth, but against the clock.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03The scores are tied, so there's everything to play for,
0:23:03 > 0:23:04and we start with...
0:23:04 > 0:23:06BUZZER
0:23:06 > 0:23:08..David.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13"I read 1984 from cover to cover in WHSmith,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16"so I didn't have to buy a copy."
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Lee, do you believe that?
0:23:19 > 0:23:26- When was this? - It was, I'd say, 1992.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29So, eight years after it came out.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33Did you knock on the door at 8.30 as they opened,
0:23:33 > 0:23:36and you were in there till five, "Oh, this is good"?
0:23:36 > 0:23:42- Or did you pop in and read a bit at a time?- I read it in a series of lunchtimes.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Did you find that later in the afternoon you were really, really hungry?
0:23:46 > 0:23:51- I grabbed a sandwich, as well. - Oh, you were eating and turning at the same time?
0:23:51 > 0:23:58No, no, no. You can't eat sandwiches in WHSmith's, you barbarian!
0:23:58 > 0:24:03What was the name of Winston's girlfriend in 1984?
0:24:03 > 0:24:08It's Julia, as in, "Do it to Julia," isn't it? Yes. I think.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10What were you doing for a living in 1992?
0:24:10 > 0:24:14I was working in a publisher's.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- Was it really badly paid?- It was quite badly paid, but I dare say
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- I could have stretched to a copy, actually.- Why didn't you?
0:24:20 > 0:24:24- Because I quite liked... - You liked the danger!
0:24:25 > 0:24:30"I'm living on the edge, sweetheart! I'm nipping into WHSmith's and I ain't paying for it!"
0:24:30 > 0:24:35It technically is a type of shoplifting, but with intellectual property.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36You're stealing thoughts.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38It's very 1984 in and of itself.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- I like it.- Thank you.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I don't know. What do we think?
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Well, in 1992, I was having it large, he was podium dancing...
0:24:47 > 0:24:51and he was reading bleedin' books in his lunchtime. He's weird enough to have done it.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Let me ask you a question. What were you having that was so large?
0:24:54 > 0:24:58- Everything. - Chips, milkshake, the lot.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00- So, Lee. Time for a guess.- True.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- You're saying true. You're saying it's a lie.- Lie.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Who do I trust the most?
0:25:07 > 0:25:12Well, it's not going to be a jewel thief from Manchester who happened to get off.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I wasn't a jewel thief, was I?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Yeah, definitely stick to that story.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- I'll go with Terry and say that's a lie.- You're going to say it's a lie?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22David, is it a lie or were you telling the truth?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25It is a lie.
0:25:28 > 0:25:29It was a lie.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Of course, the novel 1984 is where the term "Big Brother" comes from.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37The protagonist, Winston Smith, tries to overthrow a fascist regime
0:25:37 > 0:25:41by sitting in a room with Ulrika and the little one from Austin Powers.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42Next.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44BUZZER
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Ooh! Terry Christian.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47"Possession."
0:25:47 > 0:25:49OK, there's a box under the desk.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53If you'd like to bring it up and read out the card therein.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57"This is some of my hair collection...
0:26:00 > 0:26:04"..that I've gathered from guests who appeared on The Word."
0:26:05 > 0:26:09Rod Hull and Emu.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12MC Hammer.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15And Kurt Cobain's hair.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17All right. There we are.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Where did you manage to get this hair from?
0:26:21 > 0:26:25I'd ask the make-up women to take it off the brush.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27So they were brushing Emu?
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Emu, he just, he kinda sheds.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Would you mind if I had a look?
0:26:38 > 0:26:44I'd quite like to see some of MC Hammer's little curlies in a Regal packet.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47That phrase has never been said in the history of mankind!
0:26:47 > 0:26:51- Be careful, cos there's only... - What are you smelling it for? - It smells like heroin!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57That's, that's never Rod Hull's hair.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Look at that. That's not even real hair.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Look at MC Hammer's in a little baggy.
0:27:05 > 0:27:06Oi! Don't open it!
0:27:06 > 0:27:10That's never MC Hammer's hair. I'm telling you.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Have a look at that. That's not MC Hammer's hair.
0:27:12 > 0:27:17- I know MC Hammer's hair.- This is like a really low budget CSI.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22DAVID: It's little pot...
0:27:22 > 0:27:23Now it's turned into Antiques Roadshow.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Which I could see you on, actually, David.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30I'd have that insured for two, maybe three pence.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34What are you going to plump for?
0:27:34 > 0:27:39You know the thing that's most convincing is that this is definitely an old cigarette packet.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43- It's a big, hairy lie. - But now he's doing that smile.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46I hate this game!
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- I think we're going to say a lie, aren't we?- I'll agree.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53You're saying it's a lie. OK. Terry, is it truth or is it a lie?
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Get yer hair, baby. Lie!
0:27:59 > 0:28:01BUZZER
0:28:01 > 0:28:02That's it.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06That noise signals time is up and it's the end of the show,
0:28:06 > 0:28:08and I can reveal that David's team have four points,
0:28:08 > 0:28:13but Lee's team have romped to victory with six points.
0:28:13 > 0:28:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:17 > 0:28:21But it's not just a team game.
0:28:21 > 0:28:26My individual liar of the week this week is Terry Christian.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34Terry, you can put the award on your award shelf,
0:28:34 > 0:28:38or as it's currently known, your shelf. Good night.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:59 > 0:29:01E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk