0:00:22 > 0:00:28Tonight on Would I Lie To You, the queen of evictions, Davina McCall,
0:00:28 > 0:00:32the prince of non-fiction, Dave Gorman,
0:00:32 > 0:00:36and their team captain David Mitchell.
0:00:36 > 0:00:42And facing them tonight, she's no dummy, Janet Street-Porter,
0:00:42 > 0:00:45he's from The Mummy, Omid Djalili,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48and their team captain Lee Mack.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52And here's your host, Rob Brydon.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:57 > 0:01:02Good evening and welcome to Would I Lie To You, the show that rewards the very best liars.
0:01:02 > 0:01:09Research shows that 51% of Scottish women lie to get out of lovemaking.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11"Och, I'm allergic to bins."
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Lovely image, isn't it?
0:01:17 > 0:01:24And psychologists claim that laughing at a joke you don't find funny is a form of lying.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28I disagree, I think it's good manners.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30And I'll thank you all to remember that.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34And so to round one, Home Truths, where our panellists take it in turns
0:01:34 > 0:01:38to read out a statement about themselves from the card in front of them.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40They haven't seen what's on the card yet.
0:01:40 > 0:01:45It could be a truth, it could be a lie, but it's definitely a card.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- Janet is first up. Janet, reveal all.- Right.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52SHE EXHALES
0:01:52 > 0:01:53LAUGHTER
0:01:53 > 0:01:57I wrote my will
0:01:57 > 0:01:59on a bit of cardboard
0:01:59 > 0:02:05when I thought the plane I was in was about to crash.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Well, certainly, yes, she was, I would say, TRYING to make it look like
0:02:09 > 0:02:12she was amazed by the ridiculous thing on the card...
0:02:12 > 0:02:15But maybe she was amazed by the ridiculous thing on the card
0:02:15 > 0:02:18because I imagine, if a plane crashed,
0:02:18 > 0:02:21one of the things that would perish along with the humans...
0:02:21 > 0:02:24would be the cardboard.
0:02:24 > 0:02:29- So, um...- Are you asking me to comment on that?- Well, I-I-I...
0:02:29 > 0:02:34- I think he's just suggesting that you should have written your will on the black box.- Yes.
0:02:34 > 0:02:39That's logistically impossible. Aren't they locked in the cabins now? Sorry to argue with you.
0:02:39 > 0:02:44- No, I... You see, I don't think the black box solution was workable either.- OK!
0:02:44 > 0:02:49I think when they talk about when they find the black box, what they do is, it's a recording,
0:02:49 > 0:02:51they play rather than, say, read what's written on it.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55You mean I could have just got in the pilots' cabin and just screamed my will at them?
0:02:55 > 0:03:01You could have got on the radio and said, "Never mind 'Mayday, Mayday.' Take this down!"
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Was it cardboard and not paper?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09LAUGHTER
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- It was a packet.- Of what?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14LAUGHTER
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Do you always look this cheesed off when you're thinking?
0:03:19 > 0:03:24I've got so many cogs whirring in my brain I'm just trying to control them.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- So many what, sorry?- Cogs.- Oh.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32Unlike you Rob, my IQ makes double figures.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34ALL: Oooh!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36I think it's triple figures you're aiming at.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38LAUGHTER
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- It was a film packet. - Why did you think it would work?
0:03:43 > 0:03:49I was panicking. The bloody plane was crashing, you're not logical, are you?
0:03:49 > 0:03:50What were you writing?
0:03:50 > 0:03:54Were you writing bits and bobs for each person or was it like everything...?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I was leaving everything to the person I was with.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00But he was in the plane with you!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03LAUGHTER
0:04:03 > 0:04:07You're on my side. Don't mess it up!
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Think of me as a lawyer, everything has to come through me.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14Well, presumably it didn't crash because thankfully you're with us and you know...
0:04:14 > 0:04:21No, we thought it was going to crash and the plane had problems with the landing gear.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- Well, David, you've heard a fair old testimony here.- Well, I don't think,
0:04:25 > 0:04:30- Janet doesn't strike me as a moron...- She will do by the end of the night.- All right.
0:04:31 > 0:04:37And I think to write a will on something that will burn more quickly than you will
0:04:37 > 0:04:40is a moronic act.
0:04:40 > 0:04:46But the only thing that worries me was the beginning when she looked at it, I felt that she was acting.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50And you think, "She knows what she's reading because it's the truth!"
0:04:50 > 0:04:53I think it was double bluff at the beginning, it's probably true.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- You think it was true?- Yes. - And you think it was true? - I think it could be.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01- I don't think it is, but I'm happy to be out-voted. We think it's true. - You say it's true.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Janet, is it fact or fiction?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07True.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Yes, I was right(!)
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- How did you guess it? - Yes, it's all true.
0:05:16 > 0:05:22Janet wrote her will on a bit of cardboard when she thought the plane she was on was about to crash.
0:05:22 > 0:05:27Passengers heard a terrifying whining noise, an unearthly screeching.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29It was Janet asking for an extra blanket.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- Davina is next up. Davina, reveal all.- Yes.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35SHE CLEARS THROAT
0:05:35 > 0:05:43I have two chillies tattooed on my back but I'm having them covered up because they look like carrots.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47Lee's team, what do you think of that faltering delivery?
0:05:47 > 0:05:51- Whereabouts are they on your back? - They're on this side.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- I know where the back is! - They're down on my shoulder.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- When did you have them done? - Ah...15, 20 years ago.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Why did you choose the two red chillies?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Um...I was in Bali
0:06:03 > 0:06:09and, uh...we were, uh... on an island called Lombok...
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- "We"? I don't remember this. - And Lombok...
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Was this during my drinking phase?
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- I know you've got tattoos. - What are the other tattoos?
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Um, horns.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- Where's that?- On my hips.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- One on each side?- Yeah.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29What, so your belly button looks like a ram's nose?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31- Not my belly button...- What?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34She said, "Not my belly button..."
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Nice. A bit of sauce from McCall, I like it.
0:06:40 > 0:06:46Did you choose chillies so that if a bloke came across them he'd think, "She's hot stuff?"
0:06:46 > 0:06:51Yeah, well, I would think that if people didn't think they were carrots.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Either that or you're something I don't want in my mouth for too long.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59So you were in Bali. Who were you in Bali with?
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- My boyfriend at the time. - Changed now?- Yeah.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04- Right.- 15 years ago.- And...
0:07:04 > 0:07:06That's fair enough, Lee.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- You all right with that?- I'm fine with that, yeah.- 15 years ago.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13- Relationships change, you know.- Yeah I know, I'm starting to dislike you.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- What do you reckon? - What do you think, Janet?
0:07:17 > 0:07:22- It's a lie.- Fib. A big fib. - Omid?- Lie. Definitely.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Omid says it like he's passing sentence.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31I actually think it's true, but my team think it's not true and who am I to overrule...
0:07:31 > 0:07:33her?
0:07:35 > 0:07:39- So Lee, I really do need a... - OK, I'll go with my team and say that is in fact a lie.
0:07:39 > 0:07:45You're saying it's a lie. Davina McCall, is it true or is a lie?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Oh...true.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54I was just about to support you.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- LEE:- Let's have a look then!
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- I need somebody to help me... - I'll do it!
0:08:00 > 0:08:01LAUGHTER
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Get out!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Carrots, right?
0:08:05 > 0:08:07LAUGHTER
0:08:14 > 0:08:18- Carrots.- Oh, yeah. - Definitely carrots.- Very carroty. - I got done.- Yeah.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Give me a moment just to let the blood come back to my head.
0:08:23 > 0:08:29Um, yes, it's true, Davina is having her tattoos of chillies covered up because they look like carrots.
0:08:29 > 0:08:35Davina was inspired to have the chillies done after a wild holiday in Lombok, Indonesia.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Similarly, David has a very striking tattoo on his back
0:08:39 > 0:08:41of the wonderful Tiverton Steam Museum.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Omid, your turn to confess all.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52It says, "Read with accent."
0:08:52 > 0:08:53LAUGHTER
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- IRANIAN ACCENT:- "Do I have a bomb strapped under my shirt?"
0:08:59 > 0:09:03That's in very poor taste! That's in very poor taste.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04APPLAUSE
0:09:06 > 0:09:08No, that's obviously a lie.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Or is it?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11LAUGHTER
0:09:12 > 0:09:17I am launching my own range of condiments including Omid Djalili Piccalilli.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- So...- If you're not, you've got to!
0:09:23 > 0:09:27Who approached you about launching a range of condiments?
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Uh...Penguin Books.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36It's true. That's where their money comes from.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Barry Norman has a range of pickled onions out.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44- Through Penguin Books? - I don't know about Penguin Books,
0:09:44 > 0:09:47but Barry Norman has jars of pickled onions on the market.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- I don't believe that.- Well, like Paul Newman with his salad dressing.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53They were trying to make this Paul Newman thing happen
0:09:53 > 0:09:56but I said, "I've only done a few bit parts in a few films," and they said,
0:09:56 > 0:10:01"You're well-known in comedy and we're trying to get this thing Djalili piccalilli,
0:10:01 > 0:10:05"there'll be other products as well, Djalili chilli, all kinds of things with "lili" at the end."
0:10:05 > 0:10:12So why did Penguin Books, I mean, just... Is it to go with the book?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14They wanted me to write a book but I didn't feel I was
0:10:14 > 0:10:17old enough or experienced enough to write about my life...
0:10:17 > 0:10:20So you said, "How about I do some spices and sauces instead?"
0:10:20 > 0:10:26I didn't, they did. There was somebody in the meeting who has a sideline in condiments.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29So Penguin Books said, "We'd love you to do a book."
0:10:29 > 0:10:31You said, "No, no, I won't do a book."
0:10:31 > 0:10:34"OK, oh dear, he won't do a book, that was a good idea.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38"Any chance of some condiments? Cos in the office next door
0:10:38 > 0:10:41"there's a guy and, basically, what he's just been working on
0:10:41 > 0:10:45"is some pickled onions with Barry Norman and, you know, brilliantly,
0:10:45 > 0:10:48"your name rhymes with some condiments."
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- Yes.- "Particularly piccalilli, which we want to introduce to a new generation."
0:10:51 > 0:10:56- Re-introduce.- That's not his real name. His real name's Djobasco Sauce.
0:10:57 > 0:11:03- God, I'm really confused. - Absolutely.- I think it's gone so weird that it's true.
0:11:03 > 0:11:09I think, well, stranger things have happened, but I think only about six, ever.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14But the books thing can't be true, can it?
0:11:14 > 0:11:18It's such a strange thing to make up, if it's a lie, that makes me think it is true.
0:11:18 > 0:11:23You see, I think... What I'm worried that we're in danger of doing here
0:11:23 > 0:11:27is having heard something that is absurd and obviously not true
0:11:27 > 0:11:31and saying that, therefore, it must be true.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- So come on, what's it going to be? - I think we think it's a lie,
0:11:34 > 0:11:38but I'd like to say that if it's true, what a wonderful world!
0:11:39 > 0:11:43You're saying it's a lie. OK, Omid Djalili, is it fact or is it fiction?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46It's absolute crap.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51It's a lie.
0:11:51 > 0:11:57Omid is not launching his own range of condiments including Omid Djalili Piccalilli.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59That's quite clearly a lie.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Actually, Omid did once release his gentleman's relish in a supermarket.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12To this day he's banned from ASDA.
0:12:17 > 0:12:23Our next round is called The Ring Of Truth, where I'll be reading out some strange celebrity facts but
0:12:23 > 0:12:27will I be lying through my teeth or telling the truth through my teeth?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Lee's team, take a look at this.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34It seems to me that it's highly likely that pigeons,
0:12:34 > 0:12:38like any other sort of bird, are going to have regional accents.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42You've got a pigeon here in Scotland that was born ten years ago and has lived
0:12:42 > 0:12:48in Scotland ever since, so we're going to get quite a nice pronounced Scots accent, with a bit of luck.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51RECORDING OF PIGEON COOING
0:12:51 > 0:12:54If you keep going south and drop down maybe...
0:12:54 > 0:12:55maybe even as far south as Putney,
0:12:55 > 0:13:00you're going to get a nice cockney accent developing from your pigeons.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03RECORDING OF PIGEON COOING
0:13:03 > 0:13:06And there's a nice little wing flap.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09There we are.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13I love the fact, you know, how much they patronise me on this show.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18- We're four nil down...- Yes.- They're thinking, "Give Lee a chance, ask him a question about pigeons."
0:13:18 > 0:13:23- He'll understand that, he's from the north.- That's your dad filmed two weeks ago.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26My dad's dead.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Was he dead two weeks ago?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- He wasn't actually, no... - Good point, Dave(!)
0:13:37 > 0:13:43So here is the related fact for Lee's team.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Do you believe that, Lee's team?
0:13:51 > 0:13:56- It's been well documented that Mike Tyson breeds pigeons. - So they have their own suite?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- Yes.- What if the pigeon called down for room service?
0:13:58 > 0:14:01The woman on reception must be going, "It's just a dialling tone."
0:14:01 > 0:14:04"Rrrrrrrrr..."
0:14:04 > 0:14:10This is a world in which the pigeon has lifted the receiver and pressed the button for room service?
0:14:10 > 0:14:14He invited several journalists up to his hotel suite where the eight pigeons were perched
0:14:14 > 0:14:17on the wardrobe in the bedroom and he said to one of the journalists,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- WITH LISP:- "Be careful where you sit..."
0:14:20 > 0:14:24- That's... That's that British one. - That's Chris Eubank.
0:14:24 > 0:14:29Chrith Eubank. Yeth it'th a thame it'th not about Chrith, becauth I could do a really good Chrith.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Oh, that's really good!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- I know. It's such a shame it's about bloody Tyson isn't it?- Bummer.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- Do Terry Wogan! - AS WOGAN:- Oh, be careful where you sit.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- AS WOGAN:- Franz Ferdinand.
0:14:46 > 0:14:52Davina, I've heard that you do a very good pigeon impression, and if that's true I'd love to hear it.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56She's going to shit on the bonnet of a car, isn't she?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- Very impressed with how you're centring...- Brrrb!
0:15:07 > 0:15:08Oh, I'm sorry!
0:15:10 > 0:15:12- I spoke over it. Do it again. - Do it again!
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- Brrrb, brrrb.- That's great.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Oh, lovely, well done. There we are.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22So Lee, let's have your guess then. Is it true or is it a lie?
0:15:22 > 0:15:26You think he would actually book a hotel for his pigeons?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28He loves them that much he'd book a hotel room for them?
0:15:28 > 0:15:32You're paving the way for me to be in the doghouse again, aren't you?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Is that a chat-up line?
0:15:34 > 0:15:37No. We've got nought points.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42No, I'm just working out, you're already regretting having me on your team...
0:15:42 > 0:15:46- I didn't have a choice. - And if I get this wrong...
0:15:46 > 0:15:49I've been in a room with him and he's got such a scary atmosphere around him,
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I imagine something like that would be true.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54- You think it's true? - Yeah.- I think it's true!
0:15:54 > 0:15:57I don't think it's true but I'll go with my team again.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59And so far their track record has been brilliant.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01The team is saying true...
0:16:01 > 0:16:02It's true.
0:16:06 > 0:16:11Mike Tyson did once rent a hotel suite for his eight favourite pigeons.
0:16:11 > 0:16:17Which means, at the end of that round, it's David in the lead by four points to one.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25Our next round is called This Is My..., where we bring on a mystery guest who has
0:16:25 > 0:16:27a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:16:27 > 0:16:33This week each of Lee's team will claim it's them that has the genuine connection to the guest and it will
0:16:33 > 0:16:39be up to David's team to spot who is telling the truth, so please welcome this week's special guest, Sadie.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Hello.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50So Lee, what is Sadie to you?
0:16:50 > 0:16:53This is Sadie, she's my children's nanny,
0:16:53 > 0:16:58and the first time I met her I ran over her foot.
0:16:58 > 0:17:05- OK. Omid?- This is Sadie and I employ her to massage my dog.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08That's not a euphemism!
0:17:11 > 0:17:13And finally, Janet.
0:17:13 > 0:17:21Sadie came to my 60th birthday party, pretended to be a waitress so she could lick Daniel Craig's plate.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26So there we have it. David's team, where do you want to start?
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Can I just check, do you know Lee? Have you been to his house?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32I can just remember his name.
0:17:32 > 0:17:38- Wouldn't you know his nanny?- No. - OK.- Because if I knew Lee's nanny
0:17:38 > 0:17:41I would either have gone, "That's Lee's nanny,"
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- or, "That's not Lee's nanny." - Could I just point out...- So no.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Hang on, she's my children's nanny! I'm not a complete moron.
0:17:47 > 0:17:54- She's not MY nanny!- And now this running over the foot business?- Yeah?
0:17:54 > 0:17:55This was the first time you met her?
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- Correct.- And the circumstances were?
0:17:58 > 0:17:59I was in me car.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- And she was on the driveway?- Correct.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07And what happened immediately after the foot running over moment?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10"Ow."
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Can you...
0:18:12 > 0:18:14can you roll that forward?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17"Ow. That was my foot."
0:18:17 > 0:18:20You see, she's laughing quite a lot now as if, like,
0:18:21 > 0:18:22- "I have to laugh, it's my employer." - Yeah.
0:18:22 > 0:18:27But this wasn't how you met her. You didn't run over her foot and say, "You look like a good nanny."
0:18:27 > 0:18:30It was the first time she arrived at the house.
0:18:30 > 0:18:35- I'd never met her before, my wife... - So your wife had interviewed her and said...
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Yeah, I can finish my own sentences!
0:18:38 > 0:18:41My wife had interviewed her, actually you were correct, yes.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Omid, why do you have to get your dog massaged?
0:18:47 > 0:18:53First of all, it's my kids' dog, we've had the dog about seven years.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56They wanted to get a masseuse because of arthritis.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00It's a spaniel, so in dog years it's about 42, so it's quite early.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03I didn't want to pay for a masseuse, but it could kill the dog.
0:19:03 > 0:19:08- Couldn't somebody learn to massage? It's quite expensive.- It's a very highly skilled thing. It is.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10It's about £35 a session.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12And how long are you going to have to do it? Until the dog dies?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15We don't know. It may be indefinite.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17You know you can have a dog put down for 30?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Janet, can I just check...?
0:19:25 > 0:19:30Sadie came round to your house, pretended she was a waitress, she wanted to lick Daniel Craig's plate
0:19:30 > 0:19:35- and you didn't just chuck her out and go, "You are weird, you are leaving?"- No, I don't care.
0:19:35 > 0:19:41There were a lot of people at the party and Sadie was at the party, Daniel Craig was at the party...
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Sorry, so Sadie was invited to the party?
0:19:43 > 0:19:48- Yes.- The waitress act was in order to gain access to the plate?- Yes.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53- So what she did is, instead of approaching...- I didn't go through the ins and outs of it,
0:19:53 > 0:19:57- I was being...- Why not? - Because it was my bloody birthday! I was getting trashed,
0:19:57 > 0:20:01I was having a good time like anyone here tonight would do. You know.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05- Right.- Just because you're 60, love, doesn't mean you can't get off your trolley.
0:20:05 > 0:20:11The question is, why do you think that Sadie, instead of using her position as a party guest
0:20:11 > 0:20:16- to talk to Daniel Craig, which is legitimate at a party, I think you would agree...- Right...
0:20:16 > 0:20:19- Go on, have him!- You're really getting on my wick now.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Have you met anyone famous in your career?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Really famous?
0:20:28 > 0:20:31If you met Daniel Craig could you actually speak?
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- No.- There you go.- She's right.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Answer.
0:20:39 > 0:20:45So are you going to walk over and stand there in answer to every question from me?
0:20:47 > 0:20:48We're all a bit scared now.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Hey, I'm most scared, because I'm closest!
0:20:51 > 0:20:53All right, we need an answer.
0:20:53 > 0:21:01So David's team, is Sadie a nanny whose foot Lee ran over,
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Omid's dog masseuse,
0:21:03 > 0:21:06or a plate-licking pretend waitress at Janet's party?
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Janet couldn't look at Sadie when she walked in, and I thought maybe that's
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- because she really had licked it, embarrassingly.- It's just odd.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18I'm leaning... I think it's Omid or Janet and I'm leaning towards Janet on this one.
0:21:18 > 0:21:24- Right, I'm going Janet.- OK, well, let's go Janet.- You're saying Janet.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28OK, Sadie, would you like to reveal your true identity?
0:21:28 > 0:21:36- Yes, I posed a waitress, yes, I cleared Daniel Craig's plate away and yes, I licked it clean.- Wow.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Can I just say, Sadie, you sound very broad-minded...!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46LAUGHTER
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Sadie, ladies and gentlemen.
0:21:53 > 0:21:59So, at the end of that round, David's team have five, Lee's team are catching up with one.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Which brings us onto our final round we call Quick-Fire Lies.
0:22:07 > 0:22:12Lee's team are currently way behind so they need to make a comeback, starting with,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15oh, David Mitchell.
0:22:15 > 0:22:22The screensaver on my phone is a photo of my living room carpet.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- You've got a mobile phone.- Yeah.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30That's bloody London for you, eh?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Is he telling the truth?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Well, if anyone's capable of this...
0:22:36 > 0:22:39What colour is the carpet?
0:22:39 > 0:22:40Sort of, um
0:22:40 > 0:22:43very bright beige.
0:22:43 > 0:22:48I like the fact you thought, "Beige might be boring, I'll jazz it up a bit."
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Why would you take a photograph of your carpet?
0:22:53 > 0:22:59- Well, um, I've got a mobile phone which is the same model phone that many people have...- Yes.
0:22:59 > 0:23:05And I needed a way of distinguishing it from others that might get left at a table in a meeting
0:23:05 > 0:23:11- and then you and go, "I immediately recognise this, it's the one with the..."- Picture of the carpet.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- The beige carpet.- I might have done it once a long time ago.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16You know, he's done something on that carpet.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Oh, he hasn't, has he?- That's why he's got it on his phone...
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Oh, not again! I told you, I'll rub your nose in it.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24- So you think? - I think you've done something.
0:23:24 > 0:23:29You might photograph your carpet, you wouldn't photograph a beige carpet.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- So what do we say, true or false? - I think it's false.- False.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37You're saying it's a lie. OK, so, David, is it true or is it a lie?
0:23:37 > 0:23:38It is in fact true.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Well, ah, David,
0:23:45 > 0:23:52- the obvious question. Would you please whip it out and let us have a look?- Absolutely, there you go.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Oh, we have a close up, actually, and there it is. It's true.
0:23:56 > 0:24:02The screensaver on David's phone is a photo of his living room carpet.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05It's the first time an Ericsson's got a close up of a bit of carpet
0:24:05 > 0:24:08since Sven went out with Ulrika.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Originally David had a picture of his bed on his phone but got
0:24:13 > 0:24:16embarrassed about his Hannah Montana duvet cover.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Next up, Lee.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26- Oh, possession. - Oh, you've got to pick the box up then from under the desk.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Well, you say box.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Oh, sorry, the tube, the tube. - Oh, yes.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35This is my wall map of the UK.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39I have marked every service station that I have ever visited on it.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42I can so see him doing that.
0:24:42 > 0:24:48Yes. This from a man who was criticising somebody else for photographing a beige carpet.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Wow.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Sorry, are they little stickers?
0:24:55 > 0:24:57- Sorry? - There are two colours of stickers.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01- There are two colours of stickers. - What do they represent?
0:25:01 > 0:25:04- These are the orange ones, the orange ones.- Yeah.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06- And I've also done blue ones. - But why?- Why?
0:25:06 > 0:25:11- So I could differentiate between the two types of service stations. - But why? What...
0:25:11 > 0:25:13- I'm about to tell you.- OK, well, come on!- Give me a second.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20Sometimes Lee likes to finish his own sentences, sometimes not.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24They are basically two differentiating service stations.
0:25:24 > 0:25:29I use orange if I am heading north and blue if I am heading south.
0:25:29 > 0:25:35Or if I am heading west I also go for blue and east I go for orange.
0:25:35 > 0:25:42Well, you have headed north a lot more than you've headed west or east.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44How did you get back here?
0:25:44 > 0:25:48- Well, they're about equal if you count them.- Looks like there are loads more orange!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Now that one in Scotland there in the top...
0:25:51 > 0:25:53I can't believe you know where Scotland is, well done!
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- Near Inverness there's one.- That one there?- Reminisce about that.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Do you know, I will. I will reminisce about that.
0:26:03 > 0:26:08I went in, went through the main pasty area where I ordered my Ginsters pasty
0:26:08 > 0:26:13and may I say, Aberdeen service station, it was absolutely the perfect temperature.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15- This is hurting my arm. - OK, put it down.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19- One more question though... - Can we have a look at it? - Can we have a look?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21You'll spoil it with the details.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- If they want to have a look, they can.- Can they?- Yes.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26These are all motorway service... You're all coming, are you?
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Yes. There's an F and an asterisk, what do they denote?
0:26:30 > 0:26:37They denote "fantastic" and, ah, the asterisk is, er... there's not a word, blows my mind.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41- Blows my mind, the asterisk. - And how many years of touring does this represent?
0:26:41 > 0:26:46Oh, it's not just touring. I'll do it when I'm on holiday, I'll do it wherever I go.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50You know when you said there's about the same number of orange and blue?
0:26:50 > 0:26:54There's seven blues and 33 oranges.
0:26:54 > 0:27:00You're going to be laughing on the other side of your face when in the next round I say I am colour blind.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04- So David, it's time to take a guess. - Aberdeen service station doesn't ring true.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07With the Aberdeen one, that's right outside Aberdeen,
0:27:07 > 0:27:13so you stopped at a service station about six minutes after departing.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16If it's on empty, I stop and fill it up.
0:27:16 > 0:27:21- Certainly.- Which, 33 times out of 40, happens when heading north. - Yes, it's uphill.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30- Lie, lie.- You're saying lie, quite conclusively.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Lee, is it the truth or is it in fact a lie?
0:27:32 > 0:27:35It is in fact a lie.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42It's a lie. That's not...
0:27:42 > 0:27:46Could I just say, to the idiots that come up with these questions,
0:27:46 > 0:27:50as if it's not hard enough that I put little stickers on a map because I fill up...
0:27:50 > 0:27:52They'll think, "How can we make it harder?"
0:27:52 > 0:27:56We'll have four of them with blue on, one with an F and one with a bloody asterisk.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00How the hell am I supposed to do that?
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Why don't you just stick one in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean?
0:28:03 > 0:28:05BUZZER
0:28:05 > 0:28:09And there's the buzzer that signals the end of the show and I can reveal,
0:28:09 > 0:28:13in a very, very tight contest, I mean there's very little between them, um,
0:28:13 > 0:28:16David's team have won by seven points to three.
0:28:20 > 0:28:25But of course, it's not just a team game
0:28:25 > 0:28:31and my individual liar of the week this week is Davina McCall.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37I'm pleased to say you will have another chance to catch Davina's best bits
0:28:37 > 0:28:42on Would I Lie To You's Little Brother's Big Brother's Extra Factor It Takes Two
0:28:42 > 0:28:45Big Mouth Champion of Champions The Aftermath. Goodnight!
0:28:51 > 0:28:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:54 > 0:28:57E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk