0:00:29 > 0:00:32Tonight, on Would I Lie To You...
0:00:32 > 0:00:36made to measure, Trinny Woodall,
0:00:36 > 0:00:40comedy treasure, Reece Shearsmith
0:00:40 > 0:00:45and their team captain, David Mitchell!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47And facing them tonight,
0:00:47 > 0:00:51fresh from the West End, Michael Ball,
0:00:51 > 0:00:55TV's best friend, Charlie Brooker
0:00:55 > 0:00:59and their team captain, Lee Mack!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03And your host, Rob Brydon!
0:01:03 > 0:01:06APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:09 > 0:01:15Good evening and welcome along to Would I Lie To You? the show all about lies and lying.
0:01:15 > 0:01:20Now, according to research, the most common lies are about affairs and money.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23So men, if you do spend the night with another woman,
0:01:23 > 0:01:26don't make things worse by lying to your wife about how much it cost!
0:01:29 > 0:01:30When you give someone a fake smile,
0:01:30 > 0:01:34you don't use the same set of muscles as when you smile at them genuinely.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36It's easy to tell the difference.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39A genuine smile is the one you get from your dear old mum
0:01:39 > 0:01:43as you walk up the path to the care home on a Sunday afternoon.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47A fake smile is the one you give her back!
0:01:49 > 0:01:53So, to round one, Home Truths, where our panellists take it in turns
0:01:53 > 0:01:56to read out a statement from the card in front of them
0:01:56 > 0:01:59and to make it difficult, they haven't seen the card yet,
0:01:59 > 0:02:02so they don't know if it contains a truth
0:02:02 > 0:02:04or a terrible lie that we've made up for them.
0:02:04 > 0:02:09- Michael Ball is first up. - Oh, great!- Michael, what would you like to tell us?- Thank you.
0:02:09 > 0:02:14I have a three-part ritual I have to adhere to before I go on stage.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- David's team, how true is this? - OK, what are the three parts?
0:02:18 > 0:02:25Firstly, there's a sweet that I have to have before I feel comfortable.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29- A sweet?- A sweet. - Part two?- Part two is...
0:02:29 > 0:02:30We may have to hurry you!
0:02:30 > 0:02:34- Is putting on a spray, spraying me, so I smell nice.- Insecticide?
0:02:34 > 0:02:39- I smell nice for the ladies and gentlemen.- What spray?
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Madame Rochas, because I play... I'm in Hairspray
0:02:42 > 0:02:44and she's a woman, and so I bought that.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48- So it's a recent thing since you were in Hairspray? - It depends.- It's themed?
0:02:48 > 0:02:52- A different smell for everything I do.- What did you do when you were in Cats?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54LAUGHTER
0:02:55 > 0:03:00- I didn't do Cats.- What's the third part?- And the third part, tapping.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- Tapping.- What do you tap?
0:03:02 > 0:03:07- Tapping, parts of my body.- I don't think we need to go any further!
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- Can you demonstrate? - Yes. You go...there...
0:03:11 > 0:03:16- and then you go there... and, your hands, right. - Right, tapping your hands, yeah?
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Well, there we are.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21There are lots of people around like Michael who need your help.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Please send what you can. David's team, what do you think?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28This thing about tapping, I know about it
0:03:28 > 0:03:31and you started doing it correctly and then you stopped.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35I thought, "Are you giving too much away if you continue tapping correctly?"
0:03:35 > 0:03:38But you need to do this. This is where doctors do it.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40If you have a lung disease!
0:03:40 > 0:03:44To be fair, Reecy, he's never claimed to be a doctor, I think.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Well, there is the once, but...
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Just to get you to the next stage.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53There can't be a perfume for every character.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55I wouldn't have thought so.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- But...- You said that!
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- For this character.- Madame Rochas, whatever you called yourself.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06- Is it real?- Yeah, but not Hairspray. I would associate Charlie or something with Hairspray.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08He does that, as well!
0:04:10 > 0:04:11That was in the old days!
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- My feeling is that it's a lie, at the moment.- I think he's telling the truth.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Drifting to a lie? - When pushed, he was too vague.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Well, it's 2-1. We reckon it's a lie.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24A lie? Michael, what is the answer?
0:04:24 > 0:04:25It is, in fact...
0:04:25 > 0:04:27the truth.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29APPLAUSE
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Yes, it's true.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Michael has a three-part ritual he carries out before going on stage.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Trinny, you're next.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Marks & Spencer's mannequins are based on my body.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Just the female ones?
0:04:50 > 0:04:53How did this work? Did they have a mould of your body?
0:04:53 > 0:04:59What you do is, you do a, um, like, a plaster of Paris on your body.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Hang on. Say this really slowly.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- A man takes this gunk... - Phwoar!- ..and he...
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- Why did they want you? - I used to model.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Is it the head, as well, or just the body?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16No, the body but, yeah...
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- They didn't do your head? - No, they did, but it was...
0:05:18 > 0:05:21They decided you'd be the right body to advertise,
0:05:21 > 0:05:23but, "We don't want the face!"
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Did you look different...? Were they're going,
0:05:27 > 0:05:31"We'll go with the body." "What's wrong with the face?"
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I had acne, actually, I had very bad acne.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Could have sanded it down.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Not you - the model! I mean, the model.
0:05:39 > 0:05:44They cast the face and then they get a bit of, like, grade 2 and just shave off the acne!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47- What? - Does it hurt when they peel it off?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Is it like when you pull a plaster off quickly? Is it...?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Before they put on the plaster, you're wrapped in Saran Wrap.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56You'd get all...the lumps, wouldn't you?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59No, you don't. I've had it done a few times.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03You do, well, you think about it. I had it for a show called The Woman In White.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08It would all buckle and if you pour something in on that, you'd get all the lines on it.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11You could just sand it off, like the acne.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- So, Lee, what do you think? - Why I don't think it's true
0:06:15 > 0:06:20is that surely mannequins come in different sizes, cos otherwise...
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- No.- No?- No. Clothes come in different sizes.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29They put the right size on the mannequin to make them look as attractive as they can.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I love boys discussing fashion!
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- Wait, you...- Oh, Charlie's off! - You got cast before, didn't you?
0:06:35 > 0:06:39You were cast for a big set of fake breasts
0:06:39 > 0:06:42for a show, weren't you?
0:06:42 > 0:06:47- No! That wasn't me! - He was talking to David!
0:06:49 > 0:06:53I'm sure you got prosthetic breasts for a show.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- In your fantasy, darling. - Maybe I did dream that.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- We think that that's a lie. - OK. Is it fact or fiction?
0:07:11 > 0:07:12It is a lie.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17Marks & Spencer mannequins are not based on Trinny's body, but it's true, isn't it,
0:07:17 > 0:07:21that Susannah did provide the inspiration for their large sacks of potatoes?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Reece, your turn to confess.
0:07:29 > 0:07:36For a summer, I worked at a funeral director's that offered themed funerals.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39What's a "themed" funeral? Give us an example of a theme.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Well, you can have a medieval one.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45How does a medieval funeral work?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47You have it when you're 26.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Well, there was a king and queen.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57- Right.- Obviously.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Who were the king and queen?
0:08:00 > 0:08:01The departed person?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04- The nearest to the deceased. - They dress up?
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- Yes, yes, they dress up.- Oh, I see.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09So it's not just the dead person - everyone's into medieval stuff?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12The alive are dressed up and the dead person's dead.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18- Because you're too upset?- Medieval. Can you give me three others?
0:08:19 > 0:08:23- There was a Valentine's Day Massacre one.- Oh, come on!
0:08:23 > 0:08:25- It's true!- What did that tell us?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Was it called Valentine's Day Massacre?
0:08:27 > 0:08:29It was called the Blue Parrot.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31- What?- Well, the Blue Parrot
0:08:31 > 0:08:37is the name of the supposed club that all the people...
0:08:37 > 0:08:40They all believe in it now. Look at that!
0:08:40 > 0:08:45The St Valentine's Day Massacre was an atrocity.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47A funeral is depressing enough.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Why would you want to make it more depressing?
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Not me. It was on the list.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54What was beyond the pale?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57If I came and said I want a cannibal-themed funeral?
0:08:57 > 0:09:02There was one who came and wanted all the people to be serial killers.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05I dread to think...
0:09:05 > 0:09:08I've just realised... I genuinely thought you said Cannon and Ball!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11What are you talking about?
0:09:11 > 0:09:12He's dead!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14He is dead!
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Ever get a point where there was a regular funeral
0:09:18 > 0:09:21going on at the same time and they were slightly upset
0:09:21 > 0:09:26to look over and see people in zany It's A Knockout costumes,
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- burning a corpse into the ground? - It was only ever a crematorium.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33It wasn't ever burials, so it was quite private.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36What if they said before it, "He was a big fan of Bonfire Night.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41"Can you stuff it with fireworks, Catherine wheels, the lot?" When it goes behind the curtain,
0:09:41 > 0:09:47pow-pow-pow, pin the coffin to the wall and watch it spin round as the flames spew out.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51So, Lee, what are you saying?
0:09:51 > 0:09:55I'm getting genuinely annoyed by this because I know we've got to say it's a lie,
0:09:55 > 0:10:00cos if we say true and it's a lie, everyone is gonna be going, "How can that possibly be true?"
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- There's a massive voice going, "It's true".- I know what you're saying.- Really?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Yeah, there is.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09I've just been to a Valentine's Day Massacre?!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- I know it sounds ludicrous. - Lee Mack, make a decision.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- Common sense?- Yeah, it's a lie. Let's not look stupid.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17All right, it's a lie.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20You're saying it's a lie? OK, Reece, fact or fiction?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23It is...
0:10:23 > 0:10:24a lie.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28APPLAUSE
0:10:30 > 0:10:36It is, indeed, a lie. Reece didn't used to work at a funeral director's that offered themed funerals.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I plan to put my ashes, while still hot,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41in a council wheelie bin. That'll show 'em!
0:10:41 > 0:10:42LAUGHTER
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Charlie Brooker, you're up next.
0:10:46 > 0:10:52For six years, I pretended to a girlfriend that I was partially deaf.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Seems reasonable enough. David's team, what do you think?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01After how many years of going out did this start?
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Um... Shamefully quickly.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Was it by pretending that you clinched the deal early on?
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Are you saying I have to use pity to attract people?
0:11:12 > 0:11:14I'm saying you MIGHT have used pity!
0:11:15 > 0:11:16I'm not above it!
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Did she have a very irritating habit that precipitated your going deaf?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Yes, talking.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30She was talking about something that was very important, some emotional thing.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32And she said, "You weren't listening to me"
0:11:32 > 0:11:38and got very upset, started crying and so I thought, "I'll lie and tell her I'm deaf in one ear".
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Which I did.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43And at that point, what you're saying to her is,
0:11:43 > 0:11:45"I didn't hear anything because I'm deaf.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47"I thought we were sitting in silence."
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Is that what I thought was happening?
0:11:50 > 0:11:56No, I had my attention taken up with something else and I said it apologetically.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58After stroking his guide dog!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01That's what he called it, anyway!
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- Did you elaborate on why you were deaf in the ear after...?- Yeah.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08What was your reason?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12I said that when I was a child I had nearly drowned when I was four
0:12:12 > 0:12:16in the swimming pool and this had left me deaf in one ear.
0:12:16 > 0:12:21I tried shaking my head and I felt quite bad, because I told the lie early on then I had to maintain it.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24So did you tell her ever, after the six years,
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- or did the relationship just break up and you never told her? - I never told her.- Right.
0:12:29 > 0:12:34I didn't tell her, I told... I wrote about it in a newspaper column!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- That's nice! - She's a Geordie, they're robust!
0:12:39 > 0:12:43To be fair, that adds credence to the fact that he didn't want to hear her.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47I'm just trying to put myself in the position of that woman!
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Six years, you've lied, you've lied to me!
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- It's not a big lie! - It's quite a big lie.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56You'd be surprised how often it doesn't come up!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01The advantage is, after telling that lie,
0:13:01 > 0:13:04half the times it comes up, you pretend you haven't heard!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06LAUGHTER
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- So, what do you think? - So, you think it's...?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- A lie.- Do you think it's a lie?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- Horrifically, I think it's true! - True.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16You think it's true? Charlie, is it truth or lie?
0:13:17 > 0:13:18It's, er, it's true.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23APPLAUSE
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Everything that you just told us is true?
0:13:28 > 0:13:34Yes, I'm afraid it is. And it was, such a burden!
0:13:34 > 0:13:36ALL: Oh, poor you!
0:13:37 > 0:13:41The first time I introduced her to my parents,
0:13:41 > 0:13:43we're going to meet them and I suddenly thought,
0:13:43 > 0:13:46"God, she's gonna mention the..." and so I had to say,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49"Don't bring it up. My mother blames herself."
0:13:49 > 0:13:51LAUGHTER
0:13:51 > 0:13:52I didn't wanna lose her.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56I was desperate, having told this terrible lie, I was locked into it.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57I daren't tell her...
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Can't you see, the fact that you found that moving?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03You cold-hearted monsters!
0:14:03 > 0:14:04I'm not having this!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07You can't call us "cold-hearted".
0:14:07 > 0:14:08You've lived...
0:14:08 > 0:14:11People make mistakes, David!
0:14:11 > 0:14:15Yes, and for which they must be punished!
0:14:15 > 0:14:17LAUGHTER
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Yes, it's amazingly true.
0:14:20 > 0:14:27Charlie did pretend to a girlfriend for six cruel years that he was partially deaf.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31Ironically, like all his other girlfriends, she was partially sighted.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Our next round is called The Ring Of Truth.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42I'll be offering the teams some bizarre celebrity facts,
0:14:42 > 0:14:43but are they true
0:14:43 > 0:14:46or did we get them from Wikipedia(?)
0:14:46 > 0:14:47LAUGHTER
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Lee's team, take a look at this clip.
0:14:49 > 0:14:54We do a bigger one for the trucker, for the actual really hungry person,
0:14:54 > 0:14:57which consists of a steak and kidney pie,
0:14:57 > 0:15:02beans, tomatoes, chips, mushrooms, fried potatoes,
0:15:02 > 0:15:06two thick bread and butter and it comes up heaped up on the plate,
0:15:06 > 0:15:11like egg and chips, bacon and chips, sausage and chips, corned beef and chips -
0:15:11 > 0:15:13everything what goes with chips.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I should say what they didn't show you there was the toilet
0:15:21 > 0:15:24where Gillian McKeith was spending one of her happiest days!
0:15:26 > 0:15:29So, here's the related fact for Lee's team...
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Lee's team, could that be true?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45That's not very specific, is it?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48There are more specifics. They had to be bold coloured.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Example meal, all right, raw red pepper, which would
0:15:51 > 0:15:56be red and cold, steamed broccoli, which would count for green and hot,
0:15:56 > 0:16:01scrambled eggs, yellow and hot, and raw carrot sticks, which as we all know, are orange and cold.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05- They're not cold, they're crunchy. - Two crunchy things.- Pepper's cold.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Unless you've heated them.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Yes, I know, but the system is, one crunchy, one soft, one hot, one cold
0:16:10 > 0:16:14so don't talk about something that may be cold and crunchy. Confusing!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16It's selling point WAS crunchiness.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20In this instance, the carrots are there playing the crunchy role
0:16:20 > 0:16:25and could say to the pepper, "Well, actually, I've done cold as well, but today I'm on crunchy".
0:16:25 > 0:16:28"All right? Been crunchy, today I'm cold."
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Any food can be served in all of those ways, you're quite right.
0:16:31 > 0:16:36- No, a grape cannot be crunchy, you idiot!- Have you ever eaten the pips?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Don't talk to Michael like that! He was in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- What have you ever done? - What if you froze a grape?
0:16:42 > 0:16:44I sat through Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46I know who worked harder!
0:16:49 > 0:16:51I've an Olivier Award!
0:16:53 > 0:16:57- Lee's team?- I think it's true, cos that's the sort of stupid thing
0:16:57 > 0:17:01that people like her do to give their life some purpose and loony,
0:17:01 > 0:17:05with a set of arbitrary rules, something for them to think about
0:17:05 > 0:17:08while they're sitting on their thin arses!
0:17:10 > 0:17:13APPLAUSE
0:17:14 > 0:17:19- I think it's true.- Oh, go on, I'll go with my team on this one and say that that's the truth.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21You're saying it's true? OK.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Um... It is true.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Christina will go to any length to maintain that
0:17:30 > 0:17:31slutty look we know and love.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33LAUGHTER
0:17:33 > 0:17:39Which means, at the end of that round, Lee's team is in the lead by four points to two.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41APPLAUSE
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Our next round is called This Is My...
0:17:44 > 0:17:49We're about to bring on a mystery guest that each of Lee's team will claim to have a special
0:17:49 > 0:17:53relationship with, but only one will be telling the truth and it's up to
0:17:53 > 0:17:57David's team to decide who. So, please welcome this week's special guest, Donna.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00APPLAUSE
0:18:05 > 0:18:08So, Charlie first, what is Donna to you?
0:18:08 > 0:18:13- This is Donna who is teaching me basic home maintenance.- All right.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Lee, what is Donna to you?
0:18:15 > 0:18:22This is Donna and she saved my life when she threw me a lifebelt after I fell off my boat.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25OK. Michael, what is Donna to you?
0:18:25 > 0:18:30This is Donna. She has been my number one super-fan since she was 17.
0:18:30 > 0:18:35She even has a toilet seat cover with my face on it.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Michael has a fan!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41LAUGHTER
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Who would you like to start with?
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Michael, when did you start your relationship with your fan?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50I have a relationship with most of my fans.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54How did you get to know Donna?
0:18:54 > 0:18:57I've seen her...at the, er...
0:18:57 > 0:19:00front of...out of audiences that have come and waited at stage doors
0:19:00 > 0:19:04and you sign autographs and you stop and you have a...
0:19:04 > 0:19:06- Only Donna turns up?! - Donna, as well!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11So what makes Donna your number one fan?
0:19:11 > 0:19:16A number of things. I released a charity single and so she went
0:19:16 > 0:19:20and bought them all in a shop and then sold them on at her school.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Isn't that illegal?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Open-air concerts, she'll always try and be the first down the front,
0:19:27 > 0:19:33so she'll go into training prior to the concert, so she can get there first.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Do you have number two and a number three fan?
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Well, it's... Um, no.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Everyone's number one!
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Charlie, what sort of home maintenance tips are you getting?
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Very, very basic ones.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52My home's a mess and I'm not very good at sort of maintaining,
0:19:52 > 0:19:57looking after anything in my house so an ex-girlfriend
0:19:57 > 0:20:01paid for me to have these lessons where I basically learn. It's basic stuff.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Do you mean like how to change a plug?
0:20:03 > 0:20:10Yes, that was one of the first things we did. To be honest, I've only gone three times and don't...
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- Where do you go? Go where?- It's the community centre down the road.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18- Are you doing it for a magazine? - No. I'm doing it because I'm a pathetic human being!
0:20:20 > 0:20:22What's the first rule of Home Maintenance Club?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26You don't talk about Home Maintenance Club.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:30 > 0:20:35Lee, tell us the story of your boating trip. Where was the boat?
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- The boat was on the River Thames. - Were you by yourself?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Well, I was actually with my dog and one other person.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Why does the dog come first?
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Why does the dog go first? That's what my wife says!
0:20:47 > 0:20:53"Why do you introduce me like that, all the time - "This is my dog, Pickles, and one other person"."
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Who was the other person?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57My wife!
0:20:57 > 0:20:58LAUGHTER
0:20:58 > 0:21:01So how fast a boat is this? I'm not a boat expert.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03It's a twin-engine, 28-foot Fairline Sunfury
0:21:03 > 0:21:06and as we all know, they can go up to 45 knots,
0:21:06 > 0:21:08but on the Thames, you can't break six.
0:21:08 > 0:21:14Just to give you an idea how fast six knots is, if someone is walking beside you
0:21:14 > 0:21:18and you wave to them, you're committed to it for about two hours!
0:21:20 > 0:21:23And how did you fall in?
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Well, I was actually trying to go round the side of the boat to
0:21:27 > 0:21:31undo the gas canister at the front, so we could make a cup of tea and
0:21:31 > 0:21:34I went down the side and slipped.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Why didn't your wife save you?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- She can't swim! - And what's Donna got to do with it?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41She hasn't appeared yet in this!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Well, Donna was on another boat, coming the other way,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47and I slipped in and then she just threw me the ring.
0:21:47 > 0:21:52So your wife, because she can't swim, also won't throw you a lifebelt?
0:21:52 > 0:21:57- So what are you saying? What is she?- Trinny?
0:21:57 > 0:22:01When Donna came in, the only person who didn't look at her was the guy in the middle.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04- His name is Lee Mack!- Trinny.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09- He's a popular comedian!- Trinny, stop treating me like staff!
0:22:09 > 0:22:11LAUGHTER
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I can't decide between Michael and Lee.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16But I don't believe Lee would go boating very much and...
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Why wouldn't I go boating very much?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- It just doesn't suit you.- Why?
0:22:22 > 0:22:27All right, then, she saved me when I was trying to chase after a whippet!
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Reece, do you have any suspicions which way this should go?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36I think that Lee is telling the truth.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40- You think Lee?- Yeah. - OK.- Is that your answer?
0:22:40 > 0:22:42OK, Donna, would you reveal your true identity.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45I'm Michael's number one fan.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48APPLAUSE
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- Yes, look at this!- You've got it!
0:23:06 > 0:23:11We say congratulations to Donna and thank you very much indeed for coming, Donna, thank you.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Which brings us to our final round, Quickfire Lies,
0:23:20 > 0:23:23in which panellists lie through their teeth against the clock.
0:23:23 > 0:23:29David's team are currently behind, so we're gonna give them one last chance to catch up, starting with...
0:23:30 > 0:23:31That's David.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39Three members of the Cabinet subscribe to my Twitter feed.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44Please explain for some of the less "with-it" crowd what a Twitter is?
0:23:44 > 0:23:48Well, Twitter is a website where you can essentially leave messages
0:23:48 > 0:23:53of up to 140 characters and no longer.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56- OK, Lee's team. - You made it sound so dynamic!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I can see why it's so popular!
0:24:00 > 0:24:01I can't!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Why did you sign up?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Because someone on it was impersonating me.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07What?
0:24:07 > 0:24:11Someone on Twitter was pretending to be me and putting messages on it like,
0:24:11 > 0:24:16"Going to Peep Show production meeting. Everyone there is an arsehole",
0:24:16 > 0:24:18which I did not wish to be published under my name.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21And who are the Cabinet ministers?
0:24:21 > 0:24:28They are Andy Burnham, the Culture Secretary, Alistair Darling, who is the Chancellor of the Exchequer...
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Can you say "Exchequer" like that again?!
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- MUTTERING:- The Chancellor of the Exchequer.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34And Alan Johnson.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Is it any wonder the financial crisis we're in?
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- How many followers do you have? - About 27,000.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45What sort of information would you be giving that's so interesting
0:24:45 > 0:24:49that they're gonna follow you, of all the people in the country?
0:24:49 > 0:24:52- I think you can follow... - I sounded really confrontational!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54- LEE MACK:- You really are full of nastiness!
0:24:54 > 0:24:58You're a very popular young man in the current entertainment "scene"
0:24:58 > 0:25:04and a lot of people enjoy his work and they want to get close to him and they follow him.
0:25:04 > 0:25:09- I've been on Question Time. - He's been on Question Time - I'm a political force, Charlie!
0:25:09 > 0:25:15- Lee, let's have a guess. - I think it could be true. - It's a lie.- It's a lie, it's a lie!
0:25:15 > 0:25:19If anyone is talking to Cabinet members, it's Dave Mitchell!
0:25:19 > 0:25:22He's not talking. He never...
0:25:22 > 0:25:25He doesn't really say much. Frankly, you're boring on there!
0:25:26 > 0:25:31- I think it might be true. - Are you saying true?- You can say that if you wanna lose the game!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33OK, it's a lie.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- A lie? Charlie? - I'm absolutely convinced it's a lie!
0:25:36 > 0:25:42I think it's true and I'm gonna go with you two, but particularly you if it goes wrong!
0:25:42 > 0:25:44So you're saying it's a lie? David, is it true?
0:25:44 > 0:25:45It is...a lie.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52It is a lie, a very big lie.
0:25:52 > 0:25:57There are not three members of the Cabinet who subscribe to David's Twitter feed.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59I myself don't get all the fuss about Twitter.
0:25:59 > 0:26:04People have forgotten the simple pleasure of sitting down and talking to friends on Skype!
0:26:07 > 0:26:08And next.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10It's Lee.
0:26:12 > 0:26:18- I kept my car running for two months by cracking an egg into it every day.- David's team, is that possible?
0:26:18 > 0:26:21You say "cracking eggs into it". Where's "in"?
0:26:21 > 0:26:22In the petrol tank or...?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25In the petrol tank! Are you a fool?
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Do you know nothing of cars?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Not egg-running cars!
0:26:28 > 0:26:31In a car, you have a radiator.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34If the radiator cracks, all the water comes out.
0:26:34 > 0:26:39- Yeah.- But, interestingly, if you put an egg in the radiator,
0:26:39 > 0:26:41it goes...
0:26:41 > 0:26:46it congeals and it seals the hole in the radiator because the egg...
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- So why didn't you go and get it fixed?- That's a good question.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53Trinny, I couldn't afford it, so I thought, it's about 150 quid
0:26:53 > 0:26:54to get the radiator replaced...
0:26:54 > 0:26:57The eggs must have cost you 100 quid!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59They weren't free-range, darling!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- I'm talking really cruel eggs. - Did you do an egg a day?
0:27:03 > 0:27:06- Cruel and cheap, they were called! - Did you do an egg a day?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08I can pump out 50 a day, was the advert!
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Who needs to move his head?
0:27:12 > 0:27:14That's where the advert came from.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16"Who needs to move his head? 50 a day, that's me!"
0:27:16 > 0:27:21- So what do you think? Is it true or is it a lie? - It can't be true!- What do you think?
0:27:21 > 0:27:26- I think it's a lie.- OK, lie. - You're saying it's a lie? Lee, tell us the truth?
0:27:26 > 0:27:28It is, in fact...
0:27:28 > 0:27:30true!
0:27:34 > 0:27:35It's very, very true indeed.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Lee Mack's motto is, "If there's a job worth doing,
0:27:38 > 0:27:40"it's worth doing haphazardly"!
0:27:42 > 0:27:43BUZZER
0:27:43 > 0:27:49That noise signals time's up and it's the end of the show and I can reveal that tonight's winners are
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Lee's team by a massive nine points to two.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55APPLAUSE
0:27:58 > 0:28:03But it's not just a team game any more.
0:28:03 > 0:28:07My individual liar of the week is...
0:28:07 > 0:28:10- Michael Ball! - Oh, that's very kind of you!
0:28:11 > 0:28:16Michael Ball, whose biggest lie prior to tonight was Love Changes Everything.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20I can tell you from experience, Michael, that what actually changes
0:28:20 > 0:28:24everything is having your girlfriend come home to find you prancing
0:28:24 > 0:28:26around the bedroom in her underwear! Good night!
0:28:33 > 0:28:37Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:37 > 0:28:40E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk