0:00:17 > 0:00:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:27 > 0:00:31Oh, good evening and welcome along to Would I Lie To You,
0:00:31 > 0:00:34the show all about terrible lies and amazing truths.
0:00:34 > 0:00:39On Lee Mack's team tonight, the chef and food campaigner responsible for Escape to River Cottage,
0:00:39 > 0:00:44Return to River Cottage, The River Cottage Treatment, The River Cottage Year, River Cottage Forever,
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Beyond River Cottage and Could You Please Shut Up About The River Cottage?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50It's Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:53 > 0:00:58And one of the funniest comedians on the circuit, if only to look at, it's Rufus Hound.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:07And on David Mitchell's team, a comedian who does adverts for the Welsh Tourist Board.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11I can't help thinking they should have got someone a little higher-profile,
0:01:11 > 0:01:14maybe someone who hosts his own hit panel show.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Just throwing it out there. It's Rhod Gilbert.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:18 > 0:01:21And one of the very best comedians in Britain.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24She's talented, she's charming, witty, erudite and beautiful.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28She also gets to write all her own introductions. It's Miranda Hart!
0:01:28 > 0:01:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:30 > 0:01:32So, we begin as always with round one.
0:01:32 > 0:01:37It's Home Truths, where our panellists each read out a statement from the card in front of them.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40To make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
0:01:40 > 0:01:46so they've no idea what they'll be faced with. It's up to the opposing team to sort truth from tosh.
0:01:46 > 0:01:51Hugh is first up tonight. Hugh, would you reveal all, please?
0:01:51 > 0:01:58Occasionally, as a treat, I put Marmite on my face and let my dog lick it off.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02- Nice.- Face.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04- Face.- Face.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06And this is a treat for you or the dog?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- I see it as a treat for the dog. - How does he see it?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Like many people, I don't...
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- Apparently, also very much as a treat.- What kind of dog, please?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20She's a springer spaniel.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24You say this is predominantly for the dog, you must enjoy it on some level,
0:02:24 > 0:02:28cos that's quite an extreme activity to do just for a dog.
0:02:28 > 0:02:33I've always liked having my face late by the family dog. Always.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Just the dog? Anyone else?
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Well, cats have a raspy, sandpapery tongue and it's not nearly so nice.
0:02:40 > 0:02:46Have you ever been caught in that awkward moment where you've Marmited up and someone's rung the door bell?
0:02:47 > 0:02:51By members of the household, but not by strangers at the door.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Do dogs like Marmite?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Dolly does.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- I'm not sure that's a helpful line of inquiry, is it?- Do dogs like...
0:02:59 > 0:03:03- Course it's helpful!- Is it a helpful line of inquiry?- If all dogs hate Marmite, it can't be true.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07I don't think there's anybody on the planet that could answer that properly.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09You don't think there's anyone on the planet?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Who could answer the question "Do all dogs like Marmite?" No.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14I don't want this to sound like a rebuke,
0:03:14 > 0:03:20but what I was saying was whether anyone knew whether or not all dogs might HATE Marmite.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22You'd know if all dogs hate it.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24That's very much just the other side of the coin, in my book.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Why? No, no, no! This isn't a coin.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33There's "dogs all hate Marmite," there's "dogs all like Marmite,"
0:03:33 > 0:03:36or there's "dogs have a similar view to Marmite as humans do!"
0:03:36 > 0:03:37What, love it or hate it?
0:03:37 > 0:03:42Rhod, Rhod, as someone who's now in series four, you never get into conversations like this with David.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47He always wins or wears you down, just don't do it.
0:03:47 > 0:03:54- Surely, surely it is almost certainly true that some dogs will like Marmite and some won't?- No.
0:03:54 > 0:04:00- For example, I would say that no cats like baked beans.- Would you?
0:04:01 > 0:04:07No, no, no! I think you're wrong. You're definitely wrong about that.
0:04:07 > 0:04:12For two hours, my cat got stuck in a fridge and genuinely ate a bowl of baked beans.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Genuine, I swear on my life.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16How did the cat gets stuck in the fridge?
0:04:18 > 0:04:22I don't know, it just leapt in when my mum opened it once.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25And she didn't see a cat in the fridge?
0:04:25 > 0:04:30No, she probably got some milk, the cat jumped in, shut.
0:04:30 > 0:04:35She got the milk for the cat and then went "Where's the cat?
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- "Have you seen the cat?"- Maybe I'm wrong about cats and baked beans.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42What I'm saying is there are some foods liked by many humans
0:04:42 > 0:04:44that certain other species will never eat.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48- All I'm saying is different species like different things...- No.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51You said that things that humans eat that all other animals wouldn't like...
0:04:51 > 0:04:53We've got to learn to work together!
0:04:53 > 0:04:57Well, in that case, you need to change your opinions.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01This programme has taken on a tone of civil unrest.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04I sense anarchy at the gates.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06David, I'll caution you once.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Control your team.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13I'm going to have to call in the UN.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15I can no longer vouch for my team.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Excuse me, what have I done?
0:05:18 > 0:05:23I feel like a supply teacher who's been parachuted into a problem school
0:05:23 > 0:05:25and is finding it very difficult to cope.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Hugh, your original statement
0:05:29 > 0:05:34was to do with the dog licking off your face.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Now, how often does this occur?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40It's something I started doing as a kid
0:05:40 > 0:05:44because it was a good way... That was several dogs...
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Good way to what?
0:05:45 > 0:05:50To get the family dog to lick my face.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53So, David Mitchell, what are you saying? Truth or lie?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- Rhod, what do you think?- Oh, no.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00I think whatever my captain thinks, I will back him to the hilt.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Oh, my word!
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Can I just say that he just touched David's leg in a slightly effeminate manner?
0:06:06 > 0:06:11If that's what it takes to have them working as a team, Miranda, I'm happy.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13That aura of sexual tension, is that what you're doing?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- Is THAT sexual tension?- Oh, yeah.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Well, I don't like it.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Miranda, what do you think?
0:06:22 > 0:06:27I think it is a lie, because he doesn't look that desperate for affection in his life.
0:06:27 > 0:06:33It has to be a lie, David, otherwise there's something wrong with him.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- So you both think it's a lie? - Yes.- Yes.
0:06:35 > 0:06:41- OK, we'll say lie. - There's a lot riding on this one! - So, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43It was a lie.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Thank God for that!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Yes, it was a lie.
0:06:50 > 0:06:56Hugh does not put Marmite on his face and let his dog lick it off as a treat.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59I once let a German shepherd lick Marmite off my face.
0:06:59 > 0:07:05If you're watching, Jurgen, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to end like that.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- Miranda, you're up next.- Right.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14I always test the temperature of my bath with my ear.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17There we are. Lee?
0:07:17 > 0:07:20What's wrong with the conventional elbow?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Well, two things, Hugh.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27Firstly, it amuses me to test it with my ear.
0:07:27 > 0:07:32And secondly, I'm a big fan of the bath and I like to get it right, and I think it's more sensitive.
0:07:32 > 0:07:39I sometimes test food, the heat of food, by my ear as well.
0:07:39 > 0:07:44Could you mime the process of how you put your ear in the bath?
0:07:44 > 0:07:49- No, it's simply a question of kneeling at the bath, and I have quite high baths.- Show us.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- How high from the top would you say the water goes? - Well, probably about that much.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Right, so you're kneeling down?
0:07:56 > 0:08:00And you can bend all the way over to get your ear in the bath without...
0:08:00 > 0:08:03I'm quite tall! And I just get there relatively...
0:08:03 > 0:08:08- You're quite bendy as well. - I'm bendy. Hi, I'm tall and bendy.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11This is when you put my mobile number at the bottom of the screen.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15So I'm guessing like most normal people, you like a little bit of bubble bath and stuff.
0:08:15 > 0:08:20So you're basically leaning over, you're going in head first through the bubble bath,
0:08:20 > 0:08:23you're going through it, you're going through it, wait, wait,
0:08:23 > 0:08:25and then suddenly you've hit it -
0:08:25 > 0:08:29"Ooh, it's a bit hot" - you've come up, your face is full of suds,
0:08:29 > 0:08:31and you go "I'll add a bit more cold to that."
0:08:31 > 0:08:34And then you sit there and wait with your frothy face.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Is that what we're expected to believe?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Lee, do you usually have a bubble bath?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I didn't have you down as a bubble bath type?
0:08:42 > 0:08:47To be fair, David, you probably didn't have me down as a bath type, did you?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- I can tell you that he's got an open fire in his bathroom.- Yes.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Really?
0:08:52 > 0:08:57And sometimes Miranda will come round and I'll say, "I'm not sure if that fire's too hot."
0:08:57 > 0:08:59And she will turn...
0:09:01 > 0:09:06Do you have one ear that's more sensitive than the other? Is it always the left, always the right?
0:09:06 > 0:09:09It always has to be the left because of where the bath is.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11- Are you right-handed?- Yes. - That makes sense, you see.
0:09:11 > 0:09:17- What?- I'm left-handed and I would go in with the right ear, you see.
0:09:17 > 0:09:23I'm right-handed, but I would go with my right ear because the way my bathroom is, to go with my left ear,
0:09:23 > 0:09:26I'd have to be turning my back to the taps when I did it,
0:09:26 > 0:09:29and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Because ultimately, the taps are responsible for the temperature,
0:09:33 > 0:09:38so I want to be able to look them in the eye while I judge what they've done.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43- You know those taps haven't actually got eyes, that's your reflection, don't you.- Yeah, no, I know.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48What are you going to say on this one, Lee? Is she telling the truth?
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Honestly, Lee, the physics of this are all wrong.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54If you're kneeling, it's your hips that you bend from,
0:09:54 > 0:09:58otherwise your whole spine would have to be able to go over at 90 degrees.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02- No, no, because it's genuinely really easy to do.- Kneel down and show us roughly how it works.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- It's literally, so say the bath is...- Can I be the bath?
0:10:08 > 0:10:09The more the merrier!
0:10:11 > 0:10:15So he's the bath. Say this is the water, that's quite low down.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17That's convenient, isn't it, that perfect height?!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I can adjust it.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26I'll be the bath. There's the water. Oh, a bit of ear. Got me.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- That was very well done. - Thank you very much.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31OK, Lee.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Hugh, what's your answer?
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- Do you know what, until she did that I didn't believe it and now I do. - I do as well.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41- Now what do you think, Rufus? - I still think it's a lie.- Do you?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Ooh. I'll go with Hugh and say that's true.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48True. OK. Miranda, were you telling the truth or were you telling a lie?
0:10:48 > 0:10:50It was a
0:10:50 > 0:10:52lie.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54APPLAUSE
0:10:56 > 0:11:03It's a lie. Miranda does not test the temperature of her bath with her ear. Rhod, you're next.
0:11:06 > 0:11:12I once had a job where I had to answer the phone and say, "Hello, beef."
0:11:12 > 0:11:15There we are. Lee's team, what do you think?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18What was the job?
0:11:18 > 0:11:21It was a job - it was an office job, where...
0:11:21 > 0:11:24- An office job?- Yeah, an office job. In an office. An office job.
0:11:24 > 0:11:29I know what an office job is. The word "office" I'm not confused with, it's the beef that's getting me.
0:11:29 > 0:11:36It was a Government department, where we dealt with beef and lamb and suckling cows.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40So what was the Government department exactly, what were they doing?
0:11:40 > 0:11:45It was the agricultural department of Welsh government.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48So the kind of questions they would ask would be?
0:11:48 > 0:11:49They'd say...
0:11:49 > 0:11:56Well, it was all about... About identifying animals.
0:11:56 > 0:11:57- Identifying them?- Yeah.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59So you go "Hello, beef," and they go,
0:11:59 > 0:12:04"I'm looking at a big black and white animal, it's saying "moo," can you help me?"
0:12:04 > 0:12:06"Ah, it's cow. I'm beef. Goodbye."
0:12:06 > 0:12:11Either that or you might want to put them through to suckler cow, depends if it's male or female.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- What is a suckler cow? - I don't know. I only worked in beef.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Which... Was this in Cardiff or something?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24No, it was in west Wales.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- Was it in Carmarthen? - Carmarthen.- Kidwelly?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- Carmarthen.- Haverfordwest?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31- Carmarthen.- Carmarthen?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33You should work on the trains!
0:12:37 > 0:12:43The Welsh office is in Cardiff, but the Welsh office agricultural department, WOAD, is in Carmarthen.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46So farmers would ring you up and ask you questions...
0:12:46 > 0:12:51Farmers would say, "Got an animal here and it needs identification", and we would give them...
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- Identification?- We would give them cattle identification documents.
0:12:54 > 0:12:59- It was the CID department. CID. Cattle identification.- Stop it!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01I feel sick with confusion.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- I worked in CID.- Oh, you worked in CID!- Cattle identification.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- That makes sense, he worked for CID. - There's been a moo-der.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Nice.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14CID was cattle identification document,
0:13:14 > 0:13:17so it's like a cow passport, and they'd ask us questions about that.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19A cow passport?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22They'd ring up and say "We've got a new cow in...town."
0:13:25 > 0:13:28So you'd send out the official documentation.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32They would tell me the animal's details and we would print up a CID.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- Because each one needed this. Everyone had to have this. - Not everyone. Every cow.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- Oh, every cow. Yes. - So, Lee, is he telling the truth?
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Well, you know a lot about cows.
0:13:42 > 0:13:49A little. I've rung up departments of DEFRA, and said "Hello", and they've said "Hello, beef".
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- Yeah.- And the whole WOAD thing, you wouldn't just come up with that.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Unless you were very quick and very clever.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- OK, we'll go with true. - You're saying true.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Rhod, were you telling the truth?
0:14:02 > 0:14:03It was
0:14:03 > 0:14:05true.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07APPLAUSE
0:14:09 > 0:14:15Yes, it's true, Rhod did once have a job where he had to ensure every cow had a passport.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19It's hard enough getting them into the milking shed, let alone a photo booth.
0:14:19 > 0:14:25So at the end of that round, David's team have three points and Lee's team have one.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28APPLAUSE
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Our next round is called This is Mine,
0:14:31 > 0:14:36where we bring on a mystery guest who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41This week, each of Lee's team will claim it's them that has the genuine connection to the guest,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44and it's up to David's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47So please welcome this week's special guest, Steve.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49APPLAUSE
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Welcome Steve. So, Hugh first of all, what is Steve to you?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01This is my friend Steve,
0:15:01 > 0:15:07who rescued me when I got stuck in a cave looking for bats.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Rufus?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12This is my friend Steve,
0:15:12 > 0:15:18and together we have visited every pub inside the M25 called the Red Lion,
0:15:18 > 0:15:20apart from four of them.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Right. And Lee, how do you know Steve?
0:15:25 > 0:15:31This is Steve, and we once went camping together when we were in the Scouts,
0:15:31 > 0:15:36and we woke up to find that someone had stolen our tent.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39David's team, where to begin?
0:15:39 > 0:15:42So when was this camping trip, Lee?
0:15:42 > 0:15:50This camping trip was, oh, I would have been about 13, 12, I think.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52How old was Steve?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Steve was about, I don't know...
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Ssssss...
0:16:01 > 0:16:0513. He wasn't born, actually.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10That's what made the whole thing awkward.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13He was about seven. Seven or eight.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15So you were 12 or 13?
0:16:15 > 0:16:20He wasn't in the Scouts. He was just a seven-year-old you'd brought along.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23This doesn't look good!
0:16:23 > 0:16:25He was... The Cubs and the Scouts went together.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30- He was in the Cubs, I was in the Scouts...- And they issued every Scout with a Cub?
0:16:30 > 0:16:31They did actually!
0:16:31 > 0:16:33No way!
0:16:33 > 0:16:37They put each young boy in with an older boy in each tent.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39So where were you camping?
0:16:39 > 0:16:46We were camping somewhere in the Lake District, I think it was called the Lake District.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- You woke up with no tent, is that what you said?- Correct.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Went to sleep with a tent, woke up without a tent.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Do you know what happened to said tent?
0:16:54 > 0:16:59Well, that's a good question. We don't know to this day what happened to said tent.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01You never saw the tent again?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- You said it was stolen. - Yes, I know it was stolen. We don't know what happened to it.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07You don't think it might have blown away?
0:17:07 > 0:17:10So you woke up, no tent, and you assumed foul play.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14We weren't that deep asleep that there was a gale force wind going...
0:17:14 > 0:17:19- Whooooo!- You were deep enough that someone had stolen the tent!
0:17:19 > 0:17:21There's something about wind that's different to burglars.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23DAVID LAUGHS
0:17:23 > 0:17:26"There's something about wind that's different to burglars."
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Now there I agree with you.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Now if that was what you were asserting, that and that alone, I would say you were telling the truth.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35However, there's more to this story.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Wind does not sneak up on you.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- Can I ask a question?- Well...
0:17:40 > 0:17:44Did this tent not have a built-in groundsheet?
0:17:44 > 0:17:49No, it did not. Because otherwise it would have been "This is Steve and we were once kidnapped."
0:17:54 > 0:18:00All right. I'm going to jump in here. David, please move on to somebody else.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01All right.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Oh yeah, I forgot about that!
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- Hugh's Batman. The Batcave. - Where were you trapped in a cave?
0:18:08 > 0:18:13- In Sri Lanka.- Really?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15What were you doing inside a cave?
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Looking for bats.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22- And what went wrong?- It got dark.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Don't bats live in the dark?
0:18:24 > 0:18:29Yes, but when I went into the cave there was quite a bit of sunlight coming into the entrance,
0:18:29 > 0:18:31and actually going quite far into the cave.
0:18:31 > 0:18:38I just sort of went as far as I thought was safe, but then the sun went over a ridge,
0:18:38 > 0:18:44outside the cave, and it suddenly got very dark and I'd gone further into the cave than I thought.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46But then Steve wandered past?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48No...
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Going, "Has anybody seen a tent?"
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Steve actually heard me shouting for help.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Why were you looking for bats in a cave in Sri Lanka? To eat them?
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Funny you should say that.
0:19:05 > 0:19:10They'd had bat on the menu in the hotel and I was told they got them from this cave,
0:19:10 > 0:19:13and out of curiosity I thought, "Well, I'll go and look."
0:19:13 > 0:19:17I'd also heard they had a rather grim way of catching them,
0:19:17 > 0:19:21which is to hang fish hooks down from the top of the cave.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23- Did you go on your own?- Yes.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27And then, so you called for help and Steve was walking past the entrance?
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Steve, lovely guy, was staying at the hotel and he heard my cries for help.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35Why do they catch bats with a line? Why don't they just spray them with something?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Or just go in with a machine gun?
0:19:37 > 0:19:41I think it rather ruins the integrity of the individual bat,
0:19:41 > 0:19:46as a starter or main course, to have a couple of machine gun bullets through it.
0:19:46 > 0:19:51You can machine-gun a zebra, it doesn't really spoil it. But bat...
0:19:51 > 0:19:55So David, what about Rufus's claim, the whole pub thing?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Which are the four Red Lions that you've not been to, where are they?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01I don't remember.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05- He can't find them. - You know there are four exactly?
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Yes, we got a list of all the pubs called the Red Lion,
0:20:08 > 0:20:14and then we went to visit all of them, and I know that there were four we did not go and visit.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Did you go to one on South Ealing Road?
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Opposite Ealing Studios?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Yes.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- When did you do this?- Fair enough!
0:20:25 > 0:20:30- No further questions!- Was this like a mission, a bet, or...?
0:20:30 > 0:20:35Yeah, we just, we came up with it as an idea cos we knew there were a lot of them,
0:20:35 > 0:20:40and we thought it would be good to visit all of them.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41In a period of time?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Yeah, over a week.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45A week?!
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- How many are there?- Wow.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49There's about 46.
0:20:49 > 0:20:54You went to 42. You visited 42 Red Lions with Steve in one week.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56- Yeah.- How do you know Steve?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Through AA.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08- We went to school together.- Right.
0:21:08 > 0:21:15So, David's team, is Steve Hugh's cave man, Rufus's pub crawler or Lee's camping friend?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Lee is definitely the least believable.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- The rest of you were quite believable.- Yeah.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23No, I don't believe Rufus at all. Rufus has got a bit of edge to him.
0:21:23 > 0:21:28Steve looks so sweet and presentable, I don't think he'd be in this weird Rufus world.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32He does look sweet, just like a little cub.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- Well, for me, I'm believing Hugh. - I am too. I believe Hugh.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Am I even getting a look in here?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42No, and obviously if it turns out you're true, then super.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- You're saying it's Hugh. - His bat saviour.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51OK. So, Steve.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Would you please reveal your true identity?
0:21:54 > 0:21:55Well, I'm Steve.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57I'm Rufus's best friend,
0:21:57 > 0:22:04and together we visited all of the pubs call the Red Lion inside the M25, apart from four.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07APPLAUSE
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Steve, everybody.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16At the end of that round, David's team have four points, Lee's team have two.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18APPLAUSE
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Which brings us to our final round, Quick-fire Lies,
0:22:21 > 0:22:24in which our panellists lie through their teeth against the clock,
0:22:24 > 0:22:25and we start with...
0:22:27 > 0:22:28It's David.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31- Possession.- OK.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- Out with the box. - If this is my bloody tent...
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- This is the... - I'll hold it for you.- Thank you.
0:22:41 > 0:22:48This is the cricket ball with which I bowled out Jeremy Clarkson at a charity cricket match.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50- There we are.- What sort of ball was it?- Can we see the ball?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- Was it a leg spin? - Don't give him multiple choices!
0:22:53 > 0:22:56No, it was just sort of medium pace.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Ready?
0:22:57 > 0:23:00What are you expecting to see?
0:23:01 > 0:23:05A couple of things. Firstly, how long ago was this charity match?
0:23:05 > 0:23:08It was two years ago, I think.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- Cos that... - Are you checking the serial number?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14No, I was looking to see how bashed around it was,
0:23:14 > 0:23:17where the splits were, if it looked like it had been hit.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Don't eat it!
0:23:22 > 0:23:26- Can you show us your bowling action, David?- Yes, all right.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- Start with a good catch. - Watch out, Miranda!
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Whoa!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33APPLAUSE
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Blimey!
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Can I just point out the inadvertent sexism that just happened?
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Basically, a girl caught something,
0:23:40 > 0:23:45and before any of you had a chance to think whether that might be patronising you went...
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Let's see the action then.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- All right. My bowling action. - Don't throw the ball.
0:23:49 > 0:23:55No, no, I would bowl it, wouldn't I, but no, I won't let go. It's like that.
0:23:55 > 0:23:56Seems to have the action.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59What score was he on when you bowled him?
0:23:59 > 0:24:02I think about 12.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05And did he run between them or just jump in his Jag?
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Which other popular celebrities were there?
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Nicholas Parsons was there.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18You've got a whole team.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20You've got quite a lot to go still!
0:24:20 > 0:24:25And I think that... Everyone wasn't a celebrity.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30- So people were buying tickets to watch this game and it was going towards charity?- Yeah.
0:24:30 > 0:24:35And the draw was, Jeremy Clarkson, David Mitchell and Nicholas Parsons, £20 a ticket, yeah?
0:24:35 > 0:24:40That must have been a pretty golden ticket to get hold of, is that right?
0:24:40 > 0:24:44So what are you going to say, Lee, is he telling the truth or not?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47- Well...- I really don't think he is. - You DON'T think he is?
0:24:47 > 0:24:51No, because it doesn't appear to be a ball that was used for that purpose.
0:24:51 > 0:24:56- What do you think, Hugh? - I think it might be true, actually.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58You think it's a lie, you think it's true.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I think it's a lie.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03You say it's a lie.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06David, were you telling the truth or was it a lie?
0:25:06 > 0:25:08It is a lie.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11APPLAUSE
0:25:11 > 0:25:16Yes, David did not bowl out Jeremy Clarkson at a charity cricket match.
0:25:16 > 0:25:21Of course it's a lie. I mean, given the chance to hurl a cricket ball towards Jeremy Clarkson,
0:25:21 > 0:25:23who among us could honestly say they'd aim at the stumps?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Next it's Lee.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Looking forward to this.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36I trained for last year's Paris marathon
0:25:36 > 0:25:43but pulled out when a doctor advised me that one of my legs is shorter than the other.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47- David's team, what do you think?- Why did you train for the PARIS marathon?
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Because I couldn't get into the London Marathon.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56- Why?- One leg shorter than the other?
0:25:56 > 0:25:57Because it was full.
0:25:57 > 0:26:03- What time of year is the Paris marathon?- Er, about April.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05About the same time as the London Marathon, then.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Are they on the same day? Do they clash? How embarrassing!
0:26:08 > 0:26:12What do you mean, the London Marathon was full? There was a man dressed as a pig.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16That doesn't mean he's a man who's dressed as a pig that hasn't applied early.
0:26:16 > 0:26:23- They weren't going "We can't get enough people, go and rope some pigs into it."- "Hello, pig?"
0:26:23 > 0:26:28"Yeah, we'll send one down. We'll send one down, no problem."
0:26:31 > 0:26:35What made you go to the doctor? Did you have an injury, did you feel pain?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37I did, I felt pain during the training and I said...
0:26:37 > 0:26:40- Where was the pain?- In my leg.
0:26:40 > 0:26:46Is it not possible for people who have uneven legs to get shoes that compensate for that?
0:26:46 > 0:26:50- That's right. He said that, he gave me that. - Why wasn't that fine then?
0:26:50 > 0:26:54When your leg's different, your whole body adjusts to make up for it, and it was so different...
0:26:54 > 0:26:58It would have to be like a stiletto and a trainer.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00He said "I'll give you the thing to put in your shoe,
0:27:00 > 0:27:05"which will help you do some regular exercise, but your marathon days are over."
0:27:05 > 0:27:07David, do you think he's telling the truth?
0:27:07 > 0:27:10- Lie.- Why?- Oh, I believe it.
0:27:10 > 0:27:11Thank you, Miranda.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14So, truth from Miranda. Lie from David.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18I think it could be true, but I think if he'd really wanted to do it you could have done it.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20All right, I'll rephrase it, OK?
0:27:20 > 0:27:24"I trained for the Paris marathon but pulled out when a doctor said one leg's longer than the other.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28- "He said "if you tried hard you'd probably do it", but I'm a lazy bastard."- True.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30True.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33So we're saying lie.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Your team says lie. OK. Lee, are you telling the truth or is it a lie?
0:27:36 > 0:27:40It is in fact true.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Told you!
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Yes, it's true. Lee did train for last year's Paris marathon
0:27:46 > 0:27:51but pulled out when a doctor advised him that one of his legs is shorter than the other.
0:27:51 > 0:27:56Actually I have completely the opposite problem, one of my legs is longer than the other.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59BUZZER
0:27:59 > 0:28:01That noise signals time is up and it's the end of the show,
0:28:01 > 0:28:04and I can tell you that in a very narrow victory
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- Lee's team have triumphed by five points to four.- Wow.
0:28:07 > 0:28:12APPLAUSE
0:28:12 > 0:28:18But it's not just a team game, and my individual liar of the week is...
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22Thank you.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Yes, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall,
0:28:25 > 0:28:30who hasn't served up such a variety of porky pies since his last TV show.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Goodbye.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:48 > 0:28:51E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk