0:00:18 > 0:00:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:26 > 0:00:30Good evening and welcome to Would I Lie To You?
0:00:30 > 0:00:32The show where fabrication is the name of the game.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34On David Mitchell's team tonight,
0:00:34 > 0:00:38star of the award-winning sitcom, The Thick Of It, who says
0:00:38 > 0:00:40most MPs claim to love the show.
0:00:40 > 0:00:45My God, MPs will claim for anything! It's Rebecca Front!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47APPLAUSE
0:00:47 > 0:00:52And a splendid comedian who's so young that, last year,
0:00:52 > 0:00:57he won Funniest Embryo at the Edinburgh Festival. Jack Whitehall!
0:00:57 > 0:00:58APPLAUSE
0:01:01 > 0:01:05And joining Lee Mack tonight, as the hapless clumsy star of Miranda,
0:01:05 > 0:01:07she recently picked up three comedy awards,
0:01:07 > 0:01:10then dropped two, tripped over the red carpet
0:01:10 > 0:01:13and threw wine into the crotch of Colin Firth.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15It's Miranda Hart!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17APPLAUSE
0:01:17 > 0:01:23And a man whose "will they won't they" relationship with Margaret
0:01:23 > 0:01:28made The Apprentice a hotbed of sexual tension for five series,
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Nick Hewer!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33APPLAUSE
0:01:35 > 0:01:37And we start with Round One, it's Home Truths,
0:01:37 > 0:01:41where panellists read a statement from a card in front of them.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43They've never seen the card before.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46So they have no idea what they'll be faced with,
0:01:46 > 0:01:49It's up to the opposing team to separate the facts from the fibs.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Nick, you're going to be first.
0:01:52 > 0:01:57When filming is over for the day, Lord Sugar and I sometimes wind down
0:01:57 > 0:01:59by playing ping pong on the boardroom table.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00LAUGHTER
0:02:00 > 0:02:04- That's a hell of a story. - True.
0:02:04 > 0:02:09David, what do you think? Have a minute just to let it sink in.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12You don't play on a proper table tennis table...?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15No. You can buy...
0:02:15 > 0:02:17It's underneath actually in the boardroom,
0:02:17 > 0:02:18it's rolled up.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22And then you unroll it and you clamp it on the boardroom table,
0:02:22 > 0:02:25stretched across, and you're in business.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Is it just a net, or is there also?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29No, we don't have the lines.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Not a mat with lines, no.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34The table is slightly bigger than regulation size.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Right.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39- Is it not also curved? - Curved?!
0:02:39 > 0:02:40I thought it was curved.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44- You're thinking of Loose Women. - That's the one, yeah.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48It's difficult to tell watching on television.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51But how much room is there at the ends of the table?
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Oh, plenty.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- OK, I'll believe you. - Ample.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57You have to be able to back off quite a way
0:02:57 > 0:03:01playing table tennis properly, I happen to know.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Can we stamp on this immediately?
0:03:03 > 0:03:07Lord Sugar's boardroom is plenty big enough for almost everything.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13And yet, you play table tennis!
0:03:13 > 0:03:14LAUGHTER
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Where do you keep the bats, are they under the table?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- Under the table. - She's left now, hasn't she?
0:03:20 > 0:03:21LAUGHTER
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- Are you talking about Margaret? - Not Margaret, no, no, not her!
0:03:24 > 0:03:27I'll tell her. Margaret's no bat.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Tell us how this whole thing started.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37It was my idea.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39You crazy fool.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42It was my idea.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45But the point is that, it's a fairly long drawn out process.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48It is tense, it is nerve-wracking, particularly for...
0:03:48 > 0:03:49The game of table tennis?
0:03:49 > 0:03:50..For Karen and I.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Because we don't know what on Earth's going on.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Only Lord Sugar is master of all this.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58I murmured to him once that I find it very difficult,
0:03:58 > 0:04:01and he said, "Don't worry, next time I'll bring in a net and some balls
0:04:01 > 0:04:06"and some bats, and it'll help you relax."
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- And it grew out of that. - LAUGHTER
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Nothing strange about that.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14What does Karen do? If you're playing table...
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- She's umpire. - She's umpire?
0:04:17 > 0:04:21She's got a very keen eye.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- What do you think, David? - I think this is absolute nonsense,
0:04:24 > 0:04:26albeit it convincingly told.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28If Alan Sugar wanted to play ping-pong,
0:04:28 > 0:04:30he'd have a proper table tennis table to play on.
0:04:30 > 0:04:35- So, we think it's not true. No. - You think it's a lie?- Yes.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Nick, truth or lie?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41It's a damned lie.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Very, very convincingly told though. >
0:04:44 > 0:04:48It was a lie. Nick doesn't wind down by playing ping-pong
0:04:48 > 0:04:50on the boardroom table with Lord Sugar.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Jack, you're next.
0:04:52 > 0:04:58I was once commissioned to paint a portrait of Gyles Brandreth's cat.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59LAUGHTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Are you going to point out to the younger viewers
0:05:04 > 0:05:06who Gyles Brandreth is?
0:05:06 > 0:05:11Gyles Brandreth presents strands of The One Show, and he was an MP,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14and he wears jumpers.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18This is a picture of him, OK.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21How did he hear about you?
0:05:21 > 0:05:25I did a lot of art around the area, not like graffiti, but...
0:05:25 > 0:05:26What is this area?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- Um. Barnes.- OK.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- And I've always been an artist. - What was the cat called?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35That, I can't remember the name of the cat. It was a black cat.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39- Right.- Lucky.- Lucky.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40How much did you get paid?
0:05:40 > 0:05:43A hundred and, like, thirty pounds.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- A hundred and, like, thirty pounds? - And also, I'm allergic to cats, so...
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Danger money! >
0:05:48 > 0:05:52But it was like, no, it was 130 quid and I was 18 at the time.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55So, at that stage of my life, I would have worn the cat as a mask.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- How did you paint it? > - They didn't ask that.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Did the cat pose for you or did you?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03I had to do sittings with the cat.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- Shut up, come on now! - I did. I did.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09You do not paint a cat and go, "Cat, sit on that for three hours,
0:06:09 > 0:06:13"I'll just..." The cat moves about.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16It kept moving. The most annoying cat. "Please, sit down."
0:06:16 > 0:06:20A cat's not gonna sit on a stool while you're painting its picture!
0:06:20 > 0:06:24"I'll be fine for three hours, paint me." It's a cat!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27You can totally do a sitting with a cat, cats are very sedentary.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30They stay in one place all the time. You can't command the cat.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34But you tell if it is a good moment, the cat seems to be fine...
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- What position was the cat in, in the painting? - Like, sort of, that.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38No, come on.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42It was! No, it wasn't...
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- It was like this, sat like that. - What's that about? >
0:06:45 > 0:06:47That's how cats sit, like that.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- With their hands on their knees?- > It's a normal thing like that.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53You go, "Oh, Jack's doing a cat impression." That's a cat!
0:06:53 > 0:06:55- So the cat is sitting or standing, I'm trying... - < Sitting!
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Do you want me to do it like that? There.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Anyone with half a brain would have taken a picture of the thing,
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- gone home and painted it at home wouldn't they? - I love this man.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08I would have done that but I didn't have that choice.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12She insisted that I come so that I could sort of get to know the cat.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- I know Gyles Brandreth. - < Do you know his cat?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- I know his wife. What's his wife's name? - She's called Michele.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Is his wife Michele? Were you bluffing? - < It is!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- Do you know Gyles Brandreth's wife? - No.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:30 > 0:07:33You were quite a good artist, reasonably good, if he's paid £130.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- Yeah. - OK, no, that's fine, stay there.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Draw me a cat.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48I should at this point tell viewers at home that,
0:07:48 > 0:07:51whilst we do like to receive your paintings,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53we can't return any of them.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00The suspense is... David is captivated!
0:08:00 > 0:08:04- It's actually rather good. - David's face is going, this is pretty good.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08- It's hard to do it quite quickly, obviously. - That's fine... >
0:08:08 > 0:08:10For David, this is an extreme sport.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12If people have just turned over,
0:08:12 > 0:08:16they're gonna be thinking, what on Earth is David looking at?
0:08:16 > 0:08:17LAUGHTER
0:08:21 > 0:08:23OK, Jack, reveal the cat.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26LAUGHTER
0:08:29 > 0:08:32APPLAUSE
0:08:32 > 0:08:34That's very good.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35Lee, it's time to make up your mind.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38What do you think about Jack's story?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Is he telling the truth or is he in fact telling us a lie?
0:08:40 > 0:08:42I'm right down the middle.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Gyles, does he know you at this point? No.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49He knew me through the family, through mother. My mum.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51LAUGHTER
0:08:52 > 0:08:54He knew me through mother.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02Jack, you're succeeding in making David look positively working class.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06I barely need to be here this week.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14I can't give it to him, I think it's a dreadful lie.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16It's 100% true, honestly.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18You two fight it out, I'm not getting involved.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- It's definitely true. - I'll go with you because I like you.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Oh... Touch me.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29OK, they're both saying true, and I don't want to argue with the team,
0:09:29 > 0:09:31so I'd better say it's true.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Jack, true or lie?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35It is...
0:09:35 > 0:09:37..true.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- Art.- I knew it.- Art.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- Well done. - Well, done, team.
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Yes, it's true.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46And this is the most exciting part of all.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48We've got the painting here.
0:09:48 > 0:09:53Now this has been lent to us by the Brandreths,
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Gyles and Michele,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57and this is a bit special. Get ready.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I'm so sorry, I'm not... >
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Argh! >
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- Oh, my God! > - It's terrible. >
0:10:14 > 0:10:18I'm not being cruel, right, but that looks a bit like a dog to me.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19Well, here's the thing.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21That is the most canine cat I've ever seen.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Here's the other thing. We've also got a photo of the cat
0:10:24 > 0:10:27and we're going to do a very modern split screen effect.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Look at this, ready. Look at that!
0:10:31 > 0:10:32It's not bad.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34That is eerie.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36I was like 17 when I did it.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Yes, it's true, Jack was commissioned
0:10:39 > 0:10:41to paint a portrait of Gyles Brandreth's cat.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43APPLAUSE
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Our next round is called This Is My,
0:10:45 > 0:10:48where we bring on a mystery guest who has a close connection
0:10:48 > 0:10:49to one of our panellists.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52So, please welcome this week's special guest, Zazi.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55APPLAUSE
0:10:58 > 0:11:02- So, Miranda, we'll start with you. How do you know Zazi?- >
0:11:02 > 0:11:06This is Zazi, and we once had a trial together
0:11:06 > 0:11:09for a professional ladies' football team.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11But we didn't make the grade.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14There we are. Miranda's footballing friend.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Lee, how do you know Zazi?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18This is Zay-zi.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22I once cut off her pony tail on the school bus,
0:11:22 > 0:11:25thinking she was my mate, Paul.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Right, Lee's short-haired schoolmate.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Nick, what's your relationship with Zazi?
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Zazi, my neighbour's daughter.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37She offered to mend my computer
0:11:37 > 0:11:41and inadvertently emailed to everybody in my address book
0:11:41 > 0:11:43a picture of my big toe.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47So there we have it.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Miranda's failed footballer,
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Lee's cropped classmate or Nick's accidental e-mailer.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54David?
0:11:54 > 0:11:56So, Miranda,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59what was the professional football team you tried out for?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02It was for...
0:12:02 > 0:12:05QPR Rangers.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07No, QPR.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08QPR?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10So what age were you?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Er, about, sort of early twenties.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Early twenties?
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Isn't that, that quite old to be breaking into professional football?
0:12:19 > 0:12:23You haven't seen QPR play, have you?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25BOOING FOLLOWED BY LAUGHTER
0:12:25 > 0:12:29- What position did you play? - Well, we, we were just sort of
0:12:29 > 0:12:33tipping up and...
0:12:33 > 0:12:35..and seeing.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38< So, just seeing...
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Can you imagine if this is what she'd have done on the day?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48A lot of happy memories of your footballing past, obviously.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50- You'd be good at the team talk. - Yeah.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53We were just hoping that they'd see us,
0:12:53 > 0:12:57and say, "Oh, you're a defender."
0:12:58 > 0:13:01I don't know why I'm finding this so funny.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Had you, when you turned up to try out,
0:13:04 > 0:13:08had you ever played football before?
0:13:08 > 0:13:11No.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18No, you thought, football's probably a thing that involves practice,
0:13:18 > 0:13:20you've either got it or you haven't.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23I'll wait until I'm 23.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26I'll turn up at QPR
0:13:26 > 0:13:30and they'll probably let me in the team and there I am, sorted.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Yeah, we played a bit at university, I'm actually crying, now.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35- So you had played? - We played a bit at university,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38mucked about, and we thought, hey, you know, we're quite good.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Just you and Zazi playing or were there other people in this team?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46We had some male friends who were in to football and we lived with them.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49And we, one day, probably, you know, trying to impress, said,
0:13:49 > 0:13:52"Oh, we'll come and play football with you."
0:13:52 > 0:13:54And they were thrilled!
0:13:54 > 0:13:58And they said, "Hey you've got some skills," you know.
0:13:59 > 0:14:04OK. So, Nick, what went wrong with your computer?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Running slow, grindingly slow.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Why didn't you contact a proper computer person?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Maybe she is, who happens to be your neighbour's daughter.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Very simply, because we know them very well.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19I know she did a computer course at university.
0:14:19 > 0:14:24Why would I spend a fortune when Zazi can come in for a tenner?
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Why was there a picture of your big toe on this computer?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31One of the issues was, it obviously was clogged up with stuff
0:14:31 > 0:14:34and I needed it purged.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41And I told her that there were various folders that needed to go.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44My medical folder had to be deleted.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47A number of other folders.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50My doctor is in London. We live in the country.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I had had a very, nasty accident,
0:14:52 > 0:14:56stubbed my toe, heavy bruising.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58The threat of a lost nail.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I thought that I would e-mail it to the doctor
0:15:00 > 0:15:04and he would then e-mail back advice.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06That was some time ago and I wanted it now deleted.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09And, of course, she wasn't quite as good
0:15:09 > 0:15:13at her computing skills as I had hoped she was,
0:15:13 > 0:15:15or indeed that she had claimed.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18You are terrifying.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23No. I don't like to say this in front of her, but she had been drinking.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29And she pressed the e-mail thing and 700 people,
0:15:29 > 0:15:34including business contacts, serious people, were e-mailed a picture of this battered toe.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36And that's it.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- Including Sir Alan Sugar?- Yes. - He was the first to get it.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- He received a picture of your toe? - He sent one back of his!
0:15:46 > 0:15:50It was actually quite a bruising experience because people didn't find it at all funny.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Lee.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Yes.- You, you pronounce Zazi's name Zay-zee.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57That's the kind of guy I am, I'm a maverick.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59And you were at school with Zazi.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03Well, yes, and before it's pointed out, I was in a different year, yes.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05OK. How much older?
0:16:05 > 0:16:10Oh, I think there was about four years difference.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20But you cut off Zazi's pony tail.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Can I just point out we weren't actually at the same school,
0:16:23 > 0:16:25I should get that in really.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29We were on the, we call it the school bus, it wasn't a school bus that was only for schoolchildren.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31- It was the bus I got to school. - So you weren't going to school?
0:16:31 > 0:16:38It was a public bus and she was a child you didn't know on the bus.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41It's starting to sound like a court case, David, can you back off?
0:16:41 > 0:16:46- And you attacked her head with a sharp object.- I didn't attack her. I did not attack a child on the bus.
0:16:46 > 0:16:51Sorry, you mistook a child's head for the head of one of your friends.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Yeah, I was about fifteen, I don't know what she was...
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Three!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Why did you want to cut off Paul's pony tail?
0:17:01 > 0:17:06Well, Paul's pony tail I always found a little bit annoying.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I mean, let's face it, have you ever seen a pony tail on a man and not wanted to cut it off?
0:17:09 > 0:17:13But still, it's still a bit of a step to actually have a go, isn't it?
0:17:13 > 0:17:18Cos after all it's up to people how they have their hair. It's not up to you, is it, Lee?
0:17:18 > 0:17:23Trust me David, if it was up to me, you wouldn't be having your hair like that.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Likewise!
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Thank you.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Was Paul somewhere else on the bus?
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Yes, Paul was sat next to me and he went, hey go over there and cut my hair off.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38"Paul stay there, I'll do it now!" I was a gullible fool.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42This is an environment which you don't know Paul's on the bus at all,
0:17:42 > 0:17:48you just see the back of a little girl and go, there's Paul,
0:17:48 > 0:17:50where are my scissors?
0:17:50 > 0:17:54I thought you might know Paul was somewhere on the bus and then you
0:17:54 > 0:17:56see the pony tail oh, you've only got a moment, quick snip.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01You don't even know Paul's there, you're just seeing pony tails and snipping away
0:18:01 > 0:18:04despite the fact that Paul is apparently wearing a little dress.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11So David what are you thinking here?
0:18:11 > 0:18:14I'm slightly inclined to believe Lee.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19What do you think about Miranda's story about the football trial?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21That seemed...
0:18:21 > 0:18:24that very much came to life, didn't it?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27She certainly seemed to know a lot about football so I was impressed with that.
0:18:27 > 0:18:34- I think it might be Nick and his suppurating toe.- E-mailing of the toe and what about you, Jack?
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- I reckon it's Nick. - And what about you, David?
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Well, I don't know, I'm stuck, but my two team mates agree
0:18:41 > 0:18:44so I'm happy to go along with them.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Nick and it's the toe and it's the e-mail?
0:18:45 > 0:18:50- Yeah.- Zazi would you please reveal your true identity.
0:18:50 > 0:18:55I'm Zazi and Miranda and I once tried out for a professional football team.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58APPLAUSE
0:19:05 > 0:19:10Yes, Zazi did try out for a ladies professional football team with Miranda,
0:19:10 > 0:19:12thank you very much, Zazi.
0:19:22 > 0:19:28Time now for some high speed lying, in our final round Quickfire Lies and we'll start with
0:19:28 > 0:19:30David Mitchell.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I killed a rat with my BAFTA.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43I really hope that's true!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45- I want that to be true. - That's brilliant if it is true. - He got a BAFTA?
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Yes, I know.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Where was the rat?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56The rat was in some bin bags that were sort of outside,
0:19:56 > 0:20:00sort of round the corner from my kitchen.
0:20:00 > 0:20:07Can I ask a question, is this the BAFTA you won when one of the other nominees was me?
0:20:07 > 0:20:11I don't want to make you feel small Rob, but, it was the other one.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16How did you kill it?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18I didn't mean to kill it.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Whoa, whoa, whoa. you didn't mean to kill it.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Just meant to award it with the BAFTA.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28I run into the flat, I grabbed the BAFTA.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- Where is the BAFTA in the flat? - It's on a bookshelf.
0:20:30 > 0:20:35- Right, on display.- Oh, absolutely yeah, it's got lights round it.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39It's in what I call my "me" room.
0:20:39 > 0:20:45I then go outside with the BAFTA, I hold the BAFTA at arm's length,
0:20:45 > 0:20:49sort of over where the bin bags were and I drop it.
0:20:49 > 0:20:54- And then scuttle round the corner... - So you drop it with the idea of just shoo, that sort of?
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Sort of shoo, but maybe I'm entertaining the possibility
0:20:58 > 0:21:01of injuring it and I don't like that side of myself.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05- And by absolute coincidence, it's landed right down on the rat.- Bang.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07- Wow.- And then there's silence.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Look at you.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Now that's where you're wrong.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- Right. - Why?- You'd get a squeal.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Just a little, "I'd like to thank my family" and then it would die.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22I know about rats.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24- So have you killed a rat? - Yeah, my dogs kill rats.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- And did it squeal.- Squeal like hell.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Well, dogs are much crueller than BAFTAs.
0:21:32 > 0:21:37- Truth or lie?- Oh, I'm really torn on this one, what d'you think, Nick?
0:21:37 > 0:21:40No, you attack a rat from a distance,
0:21:40 > 0:21:45you do not go hunting into your "me" room looking for something heavy.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- You think it's a lie, you're not sure.- I'm utterly confused.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Well, then I'm going to go for lie but there's a bit of me that
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- just thinks it could be true, I'll say lie.- Saying lie.- Yeah.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- David, truth or lie?- It is a lie.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Yee-ha.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Well done, well done team.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Yes, it's a lie, David didn't kill a rat with his BAFTA.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08You mustn't get obsessed by meaningless awards as I was telling my children.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Oscar, Emmy and Brit only yesterday!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Next. Er, that's me.
0:22:13 > 0:22:18This is the sweatshirt that my wife and I put on together when we
0:22:18 > 0:22:23are cosying up on a chilly evening, we call it the cuddle jumper.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27True!
0:22:40 > 0:22:44Can I just ask for the full demonstration with Nick, would that be all right?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47- Can we see you model?- Nick, can you model with Rob the cuddle jumper?
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- Prefer not to.- Well, we all prefer not to that's why I got in quick.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Cos I know where it was heading.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56You can cuddle with him and you can...
0:22:56 > 0:23:00- I have to get in there. - Come on, Nick.
0:23:02 > 0:23:08I know you've not done it before, think of yourself as a bit of an apprentice with this, there we go,
0:23:08 > 0:23:11stick your left arm in there.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40It's quite nice actually.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42You can just sit on my lap there, Nick.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Right, ask...
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Who wants to ask first, both teams.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Nick, how does it feel?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Yeah oh... that's my phone, by the way!
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Hard to describe accurately.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Nick, will you help me and turn this way?
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Because our, our...
0:24:10 > 0:24:15I'm not doing anything, I am not doing anything...!
0:24:19 > 0:24:26Our television room is very draughty so...
0:24:26 > 0:24:28What are you doing? Whoa!
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Come back, it's very draughty
0:24:31 > 0:24:36and we saw this on a shopping channel
0:24:36 > 0:24:40and we ordered it for a laugh and it's actually...
0:24:40 > 0:24:43I mean you'd have to admit it's very cosy.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46He looks like a ventriloquist's dummy now.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51I'll tell you what, Orville's let himself go, hasn't he?
0:24:51 > 0:24:55So we ordered it, we don't wear it every night but we do wear it sometimes.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Is this the position you'll be in where the, your wife will be stuck on top?
0:24:58 > 0:25:04No, because we have more than one chair in our television room, so we sit on the sofa side by side.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06But we haven't got a sofa so we can't.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Have you got more than one jumper?
0:25:09 > 0:25:11It's a cuddle jumper.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Why don't you wear jumpers and cuddle up.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Why did you get it in orange?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19We wanted that Guantanamo feel, you know.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- Do they have pants too?- No.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25You could have pants couldn't you, three legs.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Are you suggesting that you lose the pants?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35- Does the design lend itself to intimacy?- Yes.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Not tonight, it doesn't!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45- Time for a guess, what are you going to say, Lee?- Er, Miranda?
0:25:45 > 0:25:48I just really hope...
0:25:48 > 0:25:50I want to get in your jumper now.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Thank you, that's quite nice, I like it.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Rebecca, Rebecca this does put some pressure on you.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13- Nobody's getting in mine.- It's either mine or David's trousers.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17- So what d'you think, Lee?- I don't want to rush it, I'm really cosy.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19So what are you saying truth or lie?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Um...
0:26:31 > 0:26:34BOTH: What's happening? Um...
0:26:36 > 0:26:39BOTH: We think
0:26:39 > 0:26:41it's a...
0:26:43 > 0:26:45- Lie.- Truth!
0:26:45 > 0:26:47It's a try.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Hang on, we have to consult our other team member, come over here.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02- Do we think it's true or a lie? - I don't know what the question is.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05The question is, does he cuddle...
0:27:05 > 0:27:08does he cuddle up to his wife with this jumper?
0:27:08 > 0:27:10- In this jumper.- No. - No.- It's a lie.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14- Nick.- Got strong thighs, this boy.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16And you've got a very bony bum.
0:27:16 > 0:27:22David, what about you and Rebecca and Jack, what do you think?
0:27:22 > 0:27:23- I think it might be true. - I think it's true.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26- In a bizarre, perverse other universe.- Quick as you like.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- We'll go for true then.- You're saying true and what are you saying?
0:27:29 > 0:27:35- Oh, I forgot.- Lie.- Let's go back and ask Nick. We said it's a lie.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38You're saying it's a lie. Well, I can tell you it's actually a lie.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Now what do we do?
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Hang on.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Come in here, it's great, it's great, there's room for three!
0:28:04 > 0:28:09Yes, thank goodness it's a lie, it isn't the sweatshirt that my wife
0:28:09 > 0:28:13and I put on together when we're cosying up on a chilly evening.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15BUZZER SOUNDS
0:28:15 > 0:28:18Oh, and that noise signals time is up and it's the end of the show
0:28:18 > 0:28:23and I can reveal that David's team have three points, but Lee has won with five!
0:28:29 > 0:28:34But it's not just a team game and my individual liar of the week is Nick Hewer.
0:28:37 > 0:28:43Yes, Nick Hewer who hasn't deceived the public so much since he had a picture taken with Lord Sugar
0:28:43 > 0:28:46and they both looked the same height, good night.
0:28:52 > 0:28:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media