0:00:20 > 0:00:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Good evening and welcome to Would I Lie To You,
0:00:29 > 0:00:34the show all about amazing truths and big fat lies.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38On David Mitchell's team tonight, a man who has broadcasting in his blood,
0:00:38 > 0:00:40along with Sanatogen, cod liver oil and Viagra.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42It's Sir Terry Wogan.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:45 > 0:00:50And David Mitchell's writing partner, acting partner and friend,
0:00:50 > 0:00:53his confidant, his soul mate, his lover.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55It's Robert Webb.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:57 > 0:01:00And joining Lee Mack this week, we have a 24-year-old
0:01:00 > 0:01:03who's one of the youngest comedians in England
0:01:03 > 0:01:06and one of the oldest men in Scotland. It's Kevin Bridges.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:09 > 0:01:13And an actress whose credits include Torchwood, where she had to confront
0:01:13 > 0:01:19all manner of hideous creatures and Not Going Out, where she had to confront Lee.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21- It's Katy Wix. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:23 > 0:01:26So we start with Round One - Home Truths, where our panellists
0:01:26 > 0:01:29each read out a statement from the card in front of them.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32To make things harder, they've never seen the card,
0:01:32 > 0:01:34so they've no idea what they'll be faced with.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38It's up to the opposing team to sort the truth from the tosh.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Terry is first up. Terry, would you reveal all, please?
0:01:44 > 0:01:51I deliberately set fire to my colleagues' script whilst they were live on air.
0:01:51 > 0:01:57- Lee.- Was... Was this... Did you say colleagues as in,
0:01:57 > 0:02:01this happened a lot or the script belonging to one colleague?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04I used to do it on a regular basis.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Enough of your sex life, Terry.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09You flatter me.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Is there footage of this, if it was live?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- His sex life? I hope not.- Oh. No.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19No, there's no footage - it was in Ireland, on Irish radio
0:02:19 > 0:02:25and it was just a little prank of mine to...
0:02:25 > 0:02:29While my colleagues were reading the news or announcements,
0:02:29 > 0:02:35I would sneak in behind them and set fire to the script
0:02:35 > 0:02:36from the bottom.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42So they would be holding these scripts in their hand...
0:02:42 > 0:02:44As it disappeared in front of them.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49- And this was the news? - Often the news and sometimes a Beethoven concert.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52I was indiscriminate.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Did you use matches? Cos you'd hear the sound, wouldn't you?
0:02:55 > 0:03:00Yeah, of course, but I struck the matches before I came into the studio.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01I'm a swift mover.
0:03:01 > 0:03:06- I used safety matches. - You can't move too swiftly with a match because it goes out.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10That's what your jacket is for. You keep it in there,
0:03:10 > 0:03:12sneak in, they don't see you, you smile...
0:03:17 > 0:03:18..go round the back...
0:03:21 > 0:03:23How did your victims react, Terry?
0:03:23 > 0:03:27I was the senior man and I took no nonsense.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30If they didn't like it...
0:03:30 > 0:03:31too bad.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Hang on, Terry, sorry, what year was this?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Just after the Napoleonic Wars.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41No, I was about 21.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Would the listeners ever get wind of the blaze?
0:03:45 > 0:03:49No, because there's no chance of any scent on the radio.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53All right, OK, all right.
0:03:57 > 0:04:02- What are we thinking? - I think it would be common knowledge. - Kevin thinks it's a lie.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06- I agree, I think we'd already know, so I think it's a lie. - OK. We'll go for a lie.
0:04:06 > 0:04:11You're saying it's a lie. Terry, were you telling the truth or were you telling a lie?
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- Oh.- Sorry.- Well, I never!
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Yes, it's true, Terry did deliberately set fire to his colleagues' script
0:04:22 > 0:04:26whilst they were live on air. At least they can laugh about it now.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28They can't move their hands, but they can laugh.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31It was a prank.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Kevin, you're next.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39I once found a suitcase and took it to the police station.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43When they opened it, it contained 34 bunches of bananas.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49- David. - Where did you find the suitcase?
0:04:49 > 0:04:54- At a train station. - There are lots of... - Do you want a specific train station?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I'm just thinking, you're in a train station,
0:04:57 > 0:04:59you see a suitcase, you think, "I must take that to the police".
0:04:59 > 0:05:01That's potentially a bad approach.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05No, it was just lying and I'd said to people, "Is that your suitcase?"
0:05:05 > 0:05:11and it was in the climate of fear and I thought, "Maybe I should be a good citizen", so I took the suitcase
0:05:11 > 0:05:16and I headed straight to the British Transport Police guy and told him what had happened.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19So you moved the suitcase you thought might be a bomb.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Did you also give it a good rattle to check whether it was a bomb?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29I didn't think it was a bomb, I thought somebody had left their case.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33That'd have been the response to a climate of forgetfulness, not fear.
0:05:33 > 0:05:39- I panicked.- Who opened the suitcase to divulge all those bananas?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I came in and the British Transport Police guy took it in his office
0:05:42 > 0:05:45and then they scanned it with whatever they scan it with...
0:05:45 > 0:05:50- Those things.- Yeah, Waitrose. How much are bananas?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52How much are bananas?
0:05:53 > 0:05:59At the heart of this is, why would anybody put
0:05:59 > 0:06:0434 bunches of bananas into a suitcase?
0:06:04 > 0:06:09That's exactly what the chief terror inspector said. He was baffled, that's why.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Did they ever find this guy?
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- I never kept up to date, I don't have a clue, I just left it. - You haven't kept in touch?- No.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Well, he's here tonight.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21# I'm the king of the swingers. #
0:06:22 > 0:06:25What I doubt here is that, if you've taken a piece
0:06:25 > 0:06:30of unattended luggage to the police, I don't think they're going to then immediately open it or...
0:06:30 > 0:06:36- Well, it was no longer unattended when I got to the police cos I... - No, but...
0:06:36 > 0:06:41That won't reassure them because you're saying, "I've no idea whether or not this has a bomb in it."
0:06:41 > 0:06:47- You don't use the word "bomb" in this situation. I just... - Did you do a mime?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49I'm worried this might be a...
0:06:49 > 0:06:51HE MOUTHS
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- Then he opened it and went... - HE MOUTHS
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Right, we need a decision, truth or lie?
0:07:05 > 0:07:09- Do you think it's a lie? - I do, really. I think it's a lie. - Well, we'll say it's a lie.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14You'll say it's a lie. Kevin, were you telling the truth?
0:07:14 > 0:07:15It's a lie.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17APPLAUSE
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Yes, it was a very big lie.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Kevin didn't take a suitcase containing 34 bunches of bananas
0:07:26 > 0:07:30to a police station. Next up, Robert Webb.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37As a child, I had so many imaginary friends, we formed an imaginary gang.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- Lee.- Did the gang have a name?
0:07:44 > 0:07:52- Yes, the gang were called the Gy-bies.- The what?
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- The Gy-bies?- They were called the Gy-bies.- How are you spelling that?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58I never had cause to spell it. you're talking about...
0:07:58 > 0:08:01If you had to spell it now, how would you spell it?
0:08:01 > 0:08:05G... G-Y...hyphen...
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Bi... B-I-E-S.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15How many were in the gang?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- Quite a few, 12. - Same number as apostles.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Well, it does...
0:08:21 > 0:08:26- It does occur to me that this was a harmless little messiah complex.- Right.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29So, did you appoint yourself head of the imaginary gang?
0:08:29 > 0:08:33Yeah, I was basically Jesus.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Do you still keep in touch with the rest of the gang?
0:08:36 > 0:08:42No. They were imaginary friends so they sort of disappeared as soon as I stopped thinking about them.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Did you have names for the Gy-bies?
0:08:46 > 0:08:50I borrowed names from people I knew at school and my brother.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55They were like Mark and Andrew and...all the apostles! No.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57They were, yeah, and Chris.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58And Judas. >
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Chris isn't a disciple. - Chris and obviously Judas Iscariot.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Yes.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07Did you have a favourite Gy-bi?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Chris was good.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Did they have a rival gang? Was there a feud or anything like that?
0:09:14 > 0:09:18Well, there was always... Our main enemy was the Joker,
0:09:18 > 0:09:22which I think - I THINK - I borrowed from Batman.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27- What would he do, the Joker? - Oh, just, you know, rob banks and stuff and we would,
0:09:27 > 0:09:31you know, chase him on our bike.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36- All 12 or 13 of you?- Well, I mean, they were very good at getting on the back of the bike.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39You were like a Red Cross display team, weren't you?
0:09:39 > 0:09:43Well, imagine them sort of diagonally...stacked.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Did you all sleep in one bed?
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- Oh, I don't... They weren't really... - Into it.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51LAUGHTER
0:09:51 > 0:09:56As much as I encouraged the gay boys - the Gy-bies...
0:09:56 > 0:09:59They were very much a pre-sexual phenomenon.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Have we established why they were called the Gy-bies?
0:10:02 > 0:10:07No, it's just a sort of sound that children make. Well, that this child made.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Well, you see, the thing is,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14"Gy-bies" sounds like baby talk. It might be like just some words
0:10:14 > 0:10:19that you formulated... But you also were aware of Marvel Comic enemies at that age too.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- Batman wasn't a Marvel character. - Batman wasn't Marvel?- No.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26Marvel's Spider-Man, Captain America, the Hulk.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Superman was Action Comics.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31LEE SNORES
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I hate him when he does that Stephen Fry thing, don't you?
0:10:36 > 0:10:41- All that knowledge. - AS WOGAN: All that knowledge.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45An answer is what we need, so, go now.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Just a minute, are you doing me again?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51I'm flirting round the edges of you, Terry.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55If you're not careful, I'll set fire to you.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Right, what are you saying? Truth or lie?
0:10:58 > 0:11:03Sounds plausible, young guy, read a few comics, read the Bible,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05merged the two in his head and formed the Gy-bies.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09Wow, it's like having Inspector Frost in the studio with us.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Katy, which way are you leaning?
0:11:13 > 0:11:17I think he clearly has a wonderful imagination, that's clear.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- So I think it's true. - OK, we'll say it's true.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24You'll say true, OK. Robert Webb, truth or lie?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26It is a true thing.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Well done, team.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Yes, it was all true.
0:11:33 > 0:11:39When Robert was a child he did form an imaginary gang from his many imaginary friends.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43You know, it may seem odd but loads of people have tons of imaginary friends.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46It's called, "Being on Facebook."
0:11:46 > 0:11:52At the end of that round, David's team have three points and Lee's team have two.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54APPLAUSE
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on
0:11:59 > 0:12:02a mystery guest who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Each of Lee's team will claim they have the genuine connection
0:12:06 > 0:12:09to the guest and David's team have to spot who's telling the truth.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12So please welcome this week's special guest, Tony.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13APPLAUSE
0:12:20 > 0:12:24Kevin, we'll start with you, what is your relationship with Tony?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27This is my mate Tony. we were once questioned by the police
0:12:27 > 0:12:31for stealing a life-sized cardboard cut out of Hugh Grant.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Katy, how do you know Tony?
0:12:36 > 0:12:44This is Tony and he freed me from a vending machine when I got my foot stuck in the push compartment.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Lee, how do you know Tony?
0:12:48 > 0:12:53This is Tony and, until today, I had never met this man before
0:12:53 > 0:12:56but the person that was supposed to be doing this tonight
0:12:56 > 0:13:02didn't turn up, so I grabbed the first person I saw outside the studio.
0:13:05 > 0:13:12So there we have it, Kevin's partner in crime, Katy's snack-machine saviour, or Lee's stand-in man.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Right, David, off you go.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18Well, Lee's one is quite difficult to cross-examine isn't it?
0:13:18 > 0:13:23Essentially, what Lee's saying is "Here's Tony, he's a random bloke".
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Who was supposed to come, Lee?
0:13:26 > 0:13:30Well, had it gone to plan today, I would have said,
0:13:30 > 0:13:36"This is Graham and he's my self-defence instructor", because I'm learning self defence.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40Right, what happened to Graham? Did he get beaten up?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43The story I am told is that he hurt his arm this morning,
0:13:43 > 0:13:47during the self-defence class and then, very late in the day, he got in the car
0:13:47 > 0:13:52to come here and had some turn because of his pain-killers
0:13:52 > 0:13:56and cancelled and said, "I can't come".
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Well, it's a sad old story there.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02So what was Tony doing here before you found him?
0:14:02 > 0:14:07- He's a joiner, which is somebody that puts wood together.- Thank you.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11I didn't want you thinking he was somebody that just randomly joined clubs.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15- He's just a very sociable guy. - "I'm a joiner." "Where you're going?" "To join a club."
0:14:15 > 0:14:18"What are you doing?" "The Gy-bies." "Yeah, OK."
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Where were you in the complex?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I'm not sure how good this is for national television,
0:14:27 > 0:14:32but I was outside that door where some people go out for a cigarette.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- I think you're aware of that door, David.- I am.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38I'm sorry, if David's parents are watching, to break the news like this,
0:14:38 > 0:14:42David, occasionally, pff, does that and I'm not talking cigarettes, either.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46No. For me it will always be the heroin door.
0:14:49 > 0:14:56What sort of incentive did you offer this good man to come here and make a complete numpty of himself?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Well... Well, answer the man, Rob.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Oh, that's... That's... Oh.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11The rejected Chuckle Brother has got the better of me again.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18OK, well, I must say, Lee's story is incredibly plausible.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21TERRY: And incredibly tedious.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25I mean, that's why it rings so true.
0:15:26 > 0:15:31Kevin, your partner in crime. What did this man do with you?
0:15:31 > 0:15:36I think crime's a strong word, Terry, from a man who has got arson in his past.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40We were questioned by the police - not charged -
0:15:40 > 0:15:44for stealing a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Hugh Grant.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46What were you going to do with Hugh Grant?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49We'd went to a Blockbuster Video and nothing really caught our eye,
0:15:49 > 0:15:53except the life-size cardboard cut-out of Hugh Grant.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56What, sorry, I didn't understand a word of that.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59POSH ENGLISH ACCENT: We went to Blockbuster Video, OK?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I knew it was that!
0:16:07 > 0:16:10POSH ENGLISH ACCENT: And nothing caught our eye, Terry.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Finally, he's talking normal.
0:16:12 > 0:16:18- Which shows to every Scottish person, if you'd just made a bit of effort...- Yeah.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:20 > 0:16:24NORMAL ACCENT: And so we'd seen the life-sized cut-out of Hugh Grant on the way out.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28It was threatening to be a dull evening until we seen this and we thought,
0:16:28 > 0:16:30"We'll steal this and have a laugh on the way home."
0:16:30 > 0:16:35We were walking home, a police car pulled up and said, "Where are you going with Hugh Grant, lads?"
0:16:38 > 0:16:42The police guy could not see the funny side at all and decided
0:16:42 > 0:16:47to put him in the passenger seat, put us two in the back and drive...
0:16:47 > 0:16:49And drive us to the police station to be questioned.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53- We haven't touched on Katy yet. - No, we haven't. - You've been told, Terry!
0:16:53 > 0:16:57We told you quite clearly before we started.
0:16:57 > 0:17:02- Where was the vending machine?- It was at Cardiff Central train station.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05What did the vending machine vend?
0:17:05 > 0:17:09What is this thing you call "love", human?
0:17:11 > 0:17:16It vended the normal stuff - drinks, chocolate bars.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19What were you doing with your foot in it?
0:17:19 > 0:17:24I'd put the money in and I was trying to get a drink and I could see that it'd come out a bit
0:17:24 > 0:17:30but not properly and after trying to get it out with my hands I tried my foot.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32And it got stuck.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36- Yes.- But was it a little hole or a big slot?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38It was like a tray thing.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41And how did this fine man help you?
0:17:41 > 0:17:45He was working at the train station.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48And he clocked it and came along and said, "D'you want a hand?"
0:17:48 > 0:17:51And you said, "We must keep in touch"?
0:17:51 > 0:17:55"Can I have your e-mail address?"
0:17:55 > 0:18:01- We didn't stay in touch but I knew how to find him. - How did you find him?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Because he's still working at Cardiff Central.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06What I don't understand, the thing's fallen down
0:18:06 > 0:18:10and you're having difficulty getting it out with your hand.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- Correct.- Now hands are basically better than feet.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Yes, I thought you'd say that.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21If the hand can't do it, why is the foot going to develop the knack?
0:18:21 > 0:18:28No, my logic was, I'd tried with the hands and I thought sort of a kick - brute force...
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- Ah.- ..might work instead. That was the logic.
0:18:30 > 0:18:35Was it the sort of door? Often the slot at the bottom has got a sort of door, hasn't it?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39- Yes, it had a door.- I offered slot and she called it a tray.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- It's not a tray, is it?- It's not a tray.- A tray would be removable.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48This is like good cop, Gy-Bi cop.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56How did he release the foot? What exactly did he do?
0:18:56 > 0:19:02- He had a key to open the front bit. - So you just went back - "Whoa!" - Yes, yes.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07What do you think is the most plausible story, Terry?
0:19:07 > 0:19:14I think... Once again I may be putting my faith, as indeed I have throughout my life, in a woman.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16So you believe Katy.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19He looks Welsh.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Lee or Kevin, I'm having some difficulty.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Guys, I need some consensus.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Having trouble picturing the foot lodged in the tray.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33If you're saying you're going towards Lee, you have to then accept
0:19:33 > 0:19:37- that he is having self-defence lessons.- Um... - Oh, that's a good point, yes.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Because if, you know, you know.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Why are you getting self-defence lessons?
0:19:41 > 0:19:46Well, because my wife decided to take self-defence lessons
0:19:46 > 0:19:49and asked me to come with her. We have private lessons - he comes round to the house.
0:19:49 > 0:19:54- I wasn't expecting it was on the NHS. - I'm sure money is a problem.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57What are you going to say, chaps?
0:19:57 > 0:20:02Is Tony Kevin's Hugh Grant thief...
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- MIMICS HUGH GRANT: - Gosh crikey, crikey gosh.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09..Katy's vending-machine hero or Lee's last resort?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11- I don't know.- I don't know.
0:20:11 > 0:20:16- Oh, dear.- I think maybe Kevin... Kevin, I think I'd go for Kevin.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18And you think it's Katy.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22I don't know so I'm going to say, we think it's Katy.
0:20:22 > 0:20:27OK. Tony, would you please reveal your true identity?
0:20:27 > 0:20:33I'm Tony and me and Kevin did steal a life-sized Hugh Grant cut-out.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Were there any charges?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44No, it was a caution.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48And you're proud of it, aren't you? I see the... There's real pride in your face.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51You feel you should have a Duke of Edinburgh award, don't you?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Thank you very much, Tony.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Well, he looked Welsh!
0:20:59 > 0:21:05Which brings us to our final round, Quickfire Lies. We'll start with...
0:21:05 > 0:21:07It's David Mitchell.
0:21:07 > 0:21:14When I was 12, I saved up all my pocket money and bought a rowing boat that I never used.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Lee.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Right, how much was the boat?
0:21:19 > 0:21:23I think it was about £120.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26How much did you make, pocket money a week?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Oh, two grand, something like that.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34No, I can't remember but I think it would be something like one pound.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38Whoa, whoa, whoa. You earned a pound a week pocket money, the boat was £120.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- I had the occasional windfall. - Birthdays.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45- What's the windfall? Oh, I see. - Christmas and birthdays. - What, like the lottery?
0:21:45 > 0:21:50Christmas and birthdays and the other festival only our family did.
0:21:50 > 0:21:56- Where were you planning to go in this boat?- I planned to sort of row around in it when on holiday.
0:21:56 > 0:22:02And how did you propose to get it on holiday? You had your eye on a nice Ford Fiesta with a tow bar?
0:22:02 > 0:22:06No, at that age I would often holiday with my parents.
0:22:06 > 0:22:12- "Who shall I holiday with this year? Parents!"- It seemed to go tremendously well before.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14"Parents, I've got a proposal for you."
0:22:16 > 0:22:18And what stopped the plan?
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Basically, the boat was a bit too big.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26A bit too big for what, the sea?
0:22:26 > 0:22:30"Every time I pushed it into the water, it kept hitting France."
0:22:30 > 0:22:32"I can't get it into the..."
0:22:32 > 0:22:34"Try it sideways, David."
0:22:34 > 0:22:40- Where did you keep it?- It was, I think, in our front garden.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- You think.- Yeah.
0:22:42 > 0:22:48Did you ever sit in the boat in the front garden, rowing, pretending, with a knotted hankie?
0:22:48 > 0:22:51So, which way are you going to go with it? Truth or lie.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55- What do we think, Katy?- I sort of, yeah, I think it's true.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58I'll go for... I'll go for a lie.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02I would say that it's a lie.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06You're saying it's a lie. OK, David, truth or lie?
0:23:06 > 0:23:08It is true.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Yes, it's true.
0:23:14 > 0:23:19When David was 12, he did spend all his pocket money on a rowing boat that he never used.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Interestingly, David is one of the few people to own a boat they can never use,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25who hasn't been a contestant on Bullseye.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27LAUGHTER
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Next.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31It's Lee.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34After an incident with a permanent marker,
0:23:34 > 0:23:37I had to go to my son's parents' evening
0:23:37 > 0:23:40with a moustache and glasses drawn on my face.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46David's team, do you believe that?
0:23:46 > 0:23:49OK, who drew this on your face or did you do it to yourself?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Yes. I did it to myself(!)
0:23:52 > 0:23:56I was on the way to my son's parents' evening and thinking, "I haven't got a tie.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59"Oh, I know, I'll pretend I'm somebody else instead."
0:23:59 > 0:24:01What happened?
0:24:01 > 0:24:06I was asleep one afternoon, my wife thought it'd be funny if my son drew
0:24:06 > 0:24:09the thing on the face, so she said, "Go and get one of your felts"
0:24:09 > 0:24:13cos the felts are the washable ones. He started drawing on my face.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17I woke up, I laughed a bit, I let him carry on.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Then we looked at the pen, realised it was permanent marker
0:24:21 > 0:24:26When I went to wash it off, it came off a bit but not enough and we were late so we just had to go.
0:24:26 > 0:24:32Can't you try, I don't know, white spirit or something?
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- Doesn't that work?- I could have tried a blow torch as well.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40- No, no, no, I mean...- Cillit Bang.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45What sort of moustache was it? Was it a twirly one or just a more Hitler-type thing, or...?
0:24:45 > 0:24:50Couldn't go into your son's school with a Hitler one, could you?
0:24:50 > 0:24:55Well, you definitely couldn't, David. That would be wrong.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02So, David, which way?
0:25:02 > 0:25:07You think it's a lie? And you think it's a lie. We're going to say it's a lie.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- You're going to say that it's a lie. OK, Lee, truth or lie?- It is...
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- a lie.- Ah, yes, you.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19It's a lie. Lee didn't go to his son's parents' evening
0:25:19 > 0:25:23with a moustache and glasses drawn on his face. Next.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Terry.
0:25:29 > 0:25:37Every year I signal the start of Christmas dinner by taking my seat opposite Mrs Wogan
0:25:37 > 0:25:43and firing a pistol loaded with a blank or blanks.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Marvellous.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Lee, what do you think?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55I've always wanted to say this, it's like a dream come true.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- AS WOGAN: - Is it the current Mrs Wogan?
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Yes, the poor soul.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03have you ever set fire to her?
0:26:05 > 0:26:08In ways that I will not divulge.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Classy.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19- Where did you get this pistol from? - I have a gun licence.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21I didn't ask you that.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24You can answer whatever questions you like, Sir Terry.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27And I wouldn't be afraid to use it.
0:26:27 > 0:26:33These are blanks, it's a simple... it's a simple tradition.
0:26:33 > 0:26:38- How did it start?- Years ago, my father did it before me. - Why did he do it?
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Until the accident!
0:26:40 > 0:26:46No, things, you know, develop in families - little traditions.
0:26:46 > 0:26:52The fun starts in the Wogan household with a pistol shot.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59It's a bit frightening at first for the grandchildren, but...
0:26:59 > 0:27:01but they get over it.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05And they know that it's the beginning of the great festival
0:27:05 > 0:27:07that, that Grandad...
0:27:07 > 0:27:09has fired his pistol.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15And time to get the bird out.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21- Right, Lee.- Kevin, what do we think? - I think it's a lie.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Kevin's saying a lie. Katy, what are you saying.- Katy?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27It seems a very dangerous thing to do with your family around.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29- I think it's a lie.- You say lie.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31- I say it's a lie. - You say it's a lie.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Terry, is it true or is it a lie?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Ha-ha-ha!
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Thank God. >
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Yes, it's a lie.
0:27:42 > 0:27:48Terry does not signal the start of Christmas dinner by firing a pistol loaded with a blank or blanks.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51Although Terry does have a strict Christmas-dinner routine.
0:27:51 > 0:27:56He asks Mrs Wogan if she wants stuffing and then, two hours later, they enjoy a cold lunch.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58BUZZER
0:27:58 > 0:28:02That noise signals time's up, and it's the end of the show
0:28:02 > 0:28:08and I can reveal that, in an exciting finish, David's team have won by six points to three.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:12 > 0:28:15But, of course, it's not just a team game,
0:28:15 > 0:28:19and my individual liar of the week this week is...
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Sir Terry Wogan.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Thank you, I don't deserve that.
0:28:24 > 0:28:28Yes, Sir Terry Wogan, who's such an unscrupulous liar
0:28:28 > 0:28:31he makes Eurovision voting look above board.
0:28:31 > 0:28:32Good night.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:40 > 0:28:43E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk