0:00:16 > 0:00:20APPLAUSE
0:00:26 > 0:00:32Good evening, and welcome to Would I Lie To You?
0:00:32 > 0:00:36The show where for a full half hour, it's fine to fib.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38On Lee Mack's team tonight,
0:00:38 > 0:00:40a breakfast TV presenter who appeared on Strictly
0:00:40 > 0:00:43and suffered a serious ankle injury,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46although in my view, not serious enough,
0:00:46 > 0:00:47it's Bill Turnbull.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:50 > 0:00:54And I'm not saying he's camp, but if Glee did a Mamma Mia special
0:00:54 > 0:00:57starring poodles wearing spandex,
0:00:57 > 0:00:59I imagine he'd watch it in legwarmers.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02From Pineapple Dance Studios, Louie Spence.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:08 > 0:01:09And joining David Mitchell,
0:01:09 > 0:01:13an Irish comedian who came to England to find his fortune,
0:01:13 > 0:01:16or failing that, any loose change, it's David O'Doherty.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:20 > 0:01:24And in Doc Martin, she played a doctor's receptionist
0:01:24 > 0:01:27who was rude and stupid, or to put it another way,
0:01:27 > 0:01:30she played a doctor's receptionist.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Star of the Old Guys and the IT Crowd,
0:01:32 > 0:01:34it's Katherine Parkinson.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Right, we will begin with Round 1, Home Truths,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44where our panellists each read out a statement from the card.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47To make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
0:01:47 > 0:01:49so they've no idea what they'll be faced with.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53It's up to the opposing team to separate the truth from the lies.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Katherine, you are first, would you reveal all?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I was so sure that Wombles were real,
0:01:58 > 0:02:03I used one as an example of a mammal in a GCSE biology exam.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07LAUGHTER
0:02:07 > 0:02:10How could it be true? How could it be true? Lee.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Which one did you draw? What did he look like?
0:02:13 > 0:02:17I didn't draw anything. The question was give an example of a mammal.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Oh, you used it. Just wrote it down - a Womble.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22I gave... It was - give three examples of mammals
0:02:22 > 0:02:26and I said bear, cos that's an obvious one,
0:02:26 > 0:02:28whale - bit less obvious,
0:02:28 > 0:02:31clever, and Womble was my third example.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33How old were you, at the time?
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Er, 15.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38What are you looking at David for?
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Let's remind ourselves what the Wombles looked like.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44We've got Uncle Bulgaria, there he is.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49He was like the Don Corleone of the Womble family.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53- What grade did you get, then?- A. - You got As, even though you think Wombles are mammals?
0:02:53 > 0:02:59I should make it clear that I didn't think the children's programme was a documentary,
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I thought the children's programme,
0:03:01 > 0:03:04THAT Womble, was based on a real mammal.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07For example, a bear is a real mammal,
0:03:07 > 0:03:12but Yogi Bear isn't a fair representation of their life.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17You're telling me for a GCSE, at aged 15, the question was,
0:03:17 > 0:03:18"Give three examples of a mammal?"
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Lee, this isn't the end of a game show.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23It's not like, "And this one's for the GCSE".
0:03:23 > 0:03:25LAUGHTER
0:03:25 > 0:03:27There were lots of questions.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30But surely, the question in a GCSE at 15 wouldn't be,
0:03:30 > 0:03:32"Give us examples of three mammals".
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- It's a basic question. - Why do you think that's easy?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Well, it's quite... - You are such an intellectual snob.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:41 > 0:03:44That's my role on the show.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you could have said, cat,
0:03:46 > 0:03:49dog. Any number of things.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Are you stuck for the third one?
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Cat, dog...
0:03:55 > 0:03:57..Womble! I know what you're saying,
0:03:57 > 0:04:00you could say that you knew that they were fictional,
0:04:00 > 0:04:03but based on a real animal called the Womble.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06I thought that maybe it was based on the fact that in real life,
0:04:06 > 0:04:10they made their burrows from, like, condoms and coke cans.
0:04:10 > 0:04:15In reality, of course, most creatures perish because of litter,
0:04:15 > 0:04:18things that the everyday folk leave behind.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21So, in a way, the Wombles did a lot of bad.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Are you saying that the Wombles message encouraged people to litter?
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Yes.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29People said, "Maybe I was going to throw this away properly,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32"but maybe the Wombles can make an extension out of it".
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Yes, yes. That's exactly what I'm saying, yes.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38People do dress dogs up like that, these days and so,
0:04:38 > 0:04:43you can be sure whether they're possibly just trained Wombles.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46In the story the Wombles were...
0:04:46 > 0:04:49That wasn't just poor old bewildered Womble,
0:04:49 > 0:04:51but someone's put glasses on him.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55He's put his own glasses - he's gone to the Womble optician and said,
0:04:55 > 0:04:59"Can you fashion me some reading glasses out of stuff that everyday folk have left around?"
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- And they've done that. - That's actually not true, he found the glasses. He found...
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- He found glasses of exactly the right prescription. - No, no!
0:05:06 > 0:05:11There was no evidence it was the right prescription.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14There was an episode where an old man had died on Wimbledon Common.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Immediately the Wombles are on him!
0:05:17 > 0:05:20They're taking everything - his medals, his gold watch,
0:05:20 > 0:05:24his glasses, his shoes, and there he is, naked.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27No dignity! No dignity if the Wombles are around.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30It's a brilliant programme!
0:05:30 > 0:05:31LAUGHTER
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Well, what do we think, Bill?
0:05:34 > 0:05:39I think it would be an insult to Katherine's intelligence to believe that she wrote that down in an exam.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43- I don't believe it.- You don't? I think... Go on, what do you think? - No, I don't believe it.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47I don't, because I think that she seems better educated than that.
0:05:47 > 0:05:52- I mean, I got kicked out of school at 15.- Why?- I wasn't very educated and I didn't really know anything.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56I couldn't spell or read, I did high kicks and back flips. They got bored!
0:05:56 > 0:05:59What did you do - run out in the street singing and dancing
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- and going, "I don't need this"? - Yeah.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04# I don't need this, I don't want this, I can't spell, I can't do. #
0:06:04 > 0:06:08Head roll, head roll, head roll! Boom, boom!
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Can I just say...
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I would say that in the history of this programme
0:06:14 > 0:06:17we have never had two such opposing guests...
0:06:17 > 0:06:20as Bill and Louie.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Well, there we are.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25It's time, Lee, to make a decision.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- Which way are you going? - I'll go with my team and say it's not true.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33- Even though my gut is screaming it's true, I will go with my team and say it's a lie.- OK.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Katherine, is it a lie, or is it true?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38It is in fact, true.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Yes, it's true. Katherine did use a Womble
0:06:48 > 0:06:51as an example of a mammal in her GCSE biology exams.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Right, David O'Doherty, you're next.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00I am currently seeing a hypnotist
0:07:00 > 0:07:04to cure me of my compulsion to visit hypnotists.
0:07:09 > 0:07:15Wow! I don't think this is going to take too long.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18How long have you had a compulsion to see hypnotists?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Well, it started off I had a fear of heights
0:07:20 > 0:07:23and I visited a lot of different practitioners.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27It is a serious enough thing. I mean, it is, it's unusual to be this high.
0:07:30 > 0:07:36And...yeah, I tried hypnosis and then I seemed to be getting something temporary from it,
0:07:36 > 0:07:39so then I ended up visiting a lot more hypnotists.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43- What did you get temporary from it? - I got some relief for a while.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47- From your fear of heights?- Yeah. - You're now relieved of that at this point.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- Why would you go back? - Oh, because then...
0:07:50 > 0:07:53The relief is temporary, so I ended up going back
0:07:53 > 0:07:58and then I ended up getting really addicted to visiting different hypnotists.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02- What do they do?- Normally they just put me under for a minute. - Put you under what?
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- Water?! - They make me - it's serious -
0:08:05 > 0:08:07they make me lie...
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- lie on the ground. - So they make you lie on the ground?
0:08:11 > 0:08:16How does that cure your fear of heights? Surely they should make you lie on top of the cupboard?
0:08:16 > 0:08:21Well, I am knocked out during this, and when I wake up they put me on top of something high.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- Oh, right! So how many different hypnotists have you seen? - I don't know.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28- It's into the hundreds at this point.- Hundreds of hypnotists?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30It was costing... Most of my income was going on it.
0:08:30 > 0:08:35I mean, I would do... whatever money I could get was just going straight into hypnosis then.
0:08:35 > 0:08:42How long have you been seeing the one you've been seeing now for to get you off seeing a hypnotist?
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Well, this one, about two years now.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48So the man you've been seeing for the last two years
0:08:48 > 0:08:53has been specifically for the problem that you want to stop seeing hypnotists?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Not for the height thing any more, just,
0:08:55 > 0:08:59- "I'm addicted to hypnotists, I need to stop" - that's why you're seeing him?- Yeah.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02And you've been seeing him for two years?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05We are nearly... we're nearly out of the woods.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:11 > 0:09:15- Do they ever touch you in any way? - Generally, the severe vertigo hypnosis I get
0:09:15 > 0:09:19doesn't involve physical contact, but it involves being winched up.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- Winched up? - Well, winched up to get the height,
0:09:22 > 0:09:26so when you come around you're at a height and think, this is normal.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- So when he puts you under... - This is back when I had a serious problem.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Yeah. Let's go back to that problem, the bit that interests me, winching up.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36They put you out and then you're gone. Do you remember being...
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Do you wake up and go, "How did I get up here?"
0:09:39 > 0:09:43You put on a sort of Velcro suit at the start, and then...
0:09:46 > 0:09:52- Are you aware of what they're saying? - No. I'm gone and then it's, "Come down from on top of the...
0:09:52 > 0:09:57- "on top of the cupboard." - So they winch you up and winch you down onto the cupboard?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59No, I can get down because I've been hypnotised.
0:09:59 > 0:10:04- So you've been winched up to the top of the cupboard?- While I'm under. - So he winches you up,
0:10:04 > 0:10:09and slightly nudges... slightly nudges you over the cupboard and winches you down again.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15Why does he have to put you on the cupboard, why doesn't he just winch you up and keep you winched?
0:10:15 > 0:10:19What's the advantage of being on a cupboard over being winched up?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Have you got a fear of being up high on cupboards?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- What's the name of the hypnotist you're seeing?- Dr Spanks.
0:10:27 > 0:10:33LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- Never before, never before. - You were doing really well.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- I don't think I... - They were buying it!
0:10:46 > 0:10:51You know when you, you know when you start a sentence and you don't know how it's going to end,
0:10:51 > 0:10:55it's never happened before with just two words, Dr and Spanks.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58He's German.
0:10:58 > 0:10:59Oh, no!
0:10:59 > 0:11:02He's German, yeah?
0:11:06 > 0:11:07It's very emotional.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21- What do you think, Lee? It's a tricky one.- Well, it's a tough one.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24- We're going with you on this one. - What do you think?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Even if I believed everything else,
0:11:26 > 0:11:29I've never met anybody German called Spanks.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34It's S-P-E-umlaut...
0:11:34 > 0:11:37G-H-N-K-S.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39You've just ruined it.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Oh, is that what ruined it?!
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Because there is never an umlaut on an E.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49There's never a man being Velcro'd and winched up, that's the bit you want to be focusing on.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Not the spelling of his surname.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- Right, so, Lee. - I'd better say it's a lie then.
0:11:56 > 0:11:57You're saying it's a lie.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01David O'Doherty, was that fantastic tale the truth,
0:12:01 > 0:12:03or was it a lie?
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Incredible as it seems, that is a lie.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Good effort.
0:12:11 > 0:12:16Yes, unsurprisingly it's a lie, David isn't seeing
0:12:16 > 0:12:19a hypnotist to cure him of a compulsion to visit hypnotists.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22I went to see a hypnotist once, all the time he was saying
0:12:22 > 0:12:23"Look into my eyes, look in..."
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Sorry, sorry, not hypnotist, optician.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30And at the end of that round the scores are tied.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31APPLAUSE
0:12:31 > 0:12:35Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
0:12:35 > 0:12:37who has a close connection to one of our panellists
0:12:37 > 0:12:40and this week each of David's team will claim it's them
0:12:40 > 0:12:42that has the genuine connection to the guest
0:12:42 > 0:12:46and it's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth,
0:12:46 > 0:12:50- so please welcome this week's special guest, it's Mark. - APPLAUSE
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Right, we'll start with you, David O'Doherty. What is Mark to you?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Well, this is Mark
0:13:00 > 0:13:05and together we started a lost animals detective agency.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08So, there we have it, David's animal detective.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12- Katherine, what's your connection to Mark?- This is Mark.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16He's my recycling man and last year he put a note through my door
0:13:16 > 0:13:20saying he thought we were eating too many takeaways.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Right, Katherine's healthy-eating recycling man.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- David Mitchell, your relationship with Mark?- This is Mark.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32He saved me from choking in Argos after I...
0:13:35 > 0:13:38David, you haven't even heard of Argos!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43He saved me from choking in Argos
0:13:43 > 0:13:47after I swallowed one of their little pens.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56There we have it.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00I would like to know, precisely what is implausible about that?!
0:14:00 > 0:14:03So there we have it. David O'Doherty's private eye for pets.
0:14:03 > 0:14:08Katherine's judgemental bin man or David's high-street hero.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Lee's team - where to begin?
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Well...well let's start with Katherine.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16- How many takeaways were you eating? - Chinese, Thai and pizzas.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- Yeah, that's the first night, what about the second night?- Indian.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22I wasn't having takeaways every night and this is why I personally
0:14:22 > 0:14:25think it was a very rude thing to do and apart from the fact that it's
0:14:25 > 0:14:30none of this man's business, who I don't know, he's basically my staff.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34You know, I don't know him.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37How often does your staff turn up to take away the refuse?
0:14:37 > 0:14:41God, I don't know, my husband deals with all... all the rubbish and stuff.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45I don't know what that means. He doesn't deal with booking them? They just come every week or every...
0:14:45 > 0:14:49- He puts the rubbish out, Lee.- You'd still know how often they come.
0:14:49 > 0:14:54I accept that, but you said your husband deals with it, whatever that means. It means he's the one,
0:14:54 > 0:14:58and in my family, Mrs Brydon is happy for me to put the rubbish out.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- I do it every Thursday night. - Really, do you take a little step ladder out with you?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Yes, cos I...I can't reach the top of the wheelie bin,
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- so sometimes she says, "Oh, just take a run at it." - Little tumble.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Cascading down on your head.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18And then when you think it's all over the place,
0:15:18 > 0:15:21the little mammals turn up to clear all the rubbish.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Give us a rough average over two weeks at that time,
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- how many takeaways were you eating? - Every other night, I think.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33So that's what... That's, that's normal to me, isn't it?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- He writes a note and it says?- It said, I remember it beginning with,
0:15:36 > 0:15:40"I hope you don't think this is rude." And it is rude and it was rude.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42I know this is rude, but...
0:15:42 > 0:15:45"I wonder if you've considered that you're maybe eating
0:15:45 > 0:15:47"too many takeaways. Yours, Mark."
0:15:47 > 0:15:52- So just...- Stand up.- What?- Stand up. - I am standing up.- No.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- All them takeaways, let's have a look.- That's my mic pack.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- I'm gonna go and have a quick feel. - Oh, my god.- I'm allowed to, I'm gay.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03If it turns out this whole facade has been a lie, Louie...
0:16:04 > 0:16:06It's all right, I'm gay.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Can I just say, Katherine, I'm gay!
0:16:16 > 0:16:20Well, I can tell you she doesn't feel like she's eaten
0:16:20 > 0:16:22a lot of takeaways, she's firm and tiny.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27Thank god! Cos it was have been awful if he'd said she's telling the truth, she stinks of curry!
0:16:28 > 0:16:31No, she's tight and toned.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Lee, what about, what about your other suspects?
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- David O'Doherty.- Hello.- Hi.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41You were running a detective agency for lost animals, is that correct?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Well, we started off just as a detective agency generally.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50And then these lost animals started ringing you up,
0:16:50 > 0:16:54- saying can you find my owner for me? - No.- What?
0:16:55 > 0:17:00The...it's the mid-'80s in Dublin and there's a lot of crime
0:17:00 > 0:17:02and we were eight or nine
0:17:02 > 0:17:05and we decided we were going to do something about the crime.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10So you start this detective agency and it, and it doesn't go so well,
0:17:10 > 0:17:13so you have to think, you need to be a bit more niche.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17We weren't...we..we just weren't getting the case load.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21- We were getting nothing. - Did you recover any lost animals?
0:17:21 > 0:17:27Well, the... In the window of the local shop there seemed to be
0:17:27 > 0:17:31some people had lost cats and dogs,
0:17:31 > 0:17:34so...and some of them were offering cash rewards.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38It was decided that we would ring up one of these people
0:17:38 > 0:17:42and, as I had the most mature voice of the agency, er...
0:17:44 > 0:17:48- I had to speak to the lady. - And what would you say?
0:17:48 > 0:17:52"Hello, is that Mrs Whitaker?" And she would go, "yes",
0:17:52 > 0:17:57and I'd say, "And did you lose a cat called Whiskers recently?"
0:17:57 > 0:18:00And she'd go, "Oh, yes, oh, yes," and I'd go, "Well, you're in luck,
0:18:00 > 0:18:04"because my eight-year-old friend and I have set up a pet finding
0:18:04 > 0:18:08"detective agency and we're gonna take on your case."
0:18:12 > 0:18:15And did you have any results, any good results?
0:18:15 > 0:18:19- Did you ever find an animal, ever?- No.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22What...what about the... the other David, as he's now known?
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Oh, we're actually considering that, are we?
0:18:26 > 0:18:28- Yes.- Oh, sorry.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33- What were you buying in Argos?- A kettle.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Talk me through the process of how it works when you go to Argos?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44I walked through the door
0:18:44 > 0:18:48and I looked through the catalogue to find the kettle.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- What type of kettle did you go for in the end?- For boiling water.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56So you've seen the kettle and then what, what happens next?
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Well, I...I filled in...
0:18:59 > 0:19:02I checked on the little key pad that they had it in, in stock.
0:19:02 > 0:19:03Oooh.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06I tell you what, you are down with the kids.
0:19:08 > 0:19:13This pen which you swallowed, how long was it?
0:19:13 > 0:19:17- Sort of about that long, I think. - And you choked?
0:19:24 > 0:19:31Marvellous, absolutely marvellous. Never has such a clean sentence meant so much.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Why did you put it in your mouth?
0:19:34 > 0:19:37I was sort of chewing the end of it, sort of thinking.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- Trying to look working class. - Then I...I sneezed.- You sneezed!
0:19:41 > 0:19:45The way you do when you sneeze and suck in at the same time, yeah.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Achoo.
0:19:46 > 0:19:51You had a back-draught effect did you? And it went, huh! Straight in.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53So you sneezed.
0:19:53 > 0:19:54In order...in order...
0:19:54 > 0:19:58I involuntarily inhaled before the exhalation.
0:19:58 > 0:20:03Are you like Hoover man, did everything implode into your gob.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05That's my child, get his legs.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- So Mark's run up to you.- Yeah.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Has he given you the Heimlich manoeuvre?
0:20:15 > 0:20:20No, he just sort of patted me hard on the back a few times.
0:20:20 > 0:20:25- Right. We need an answer. - I can't see Mr Mitchell in Argos.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29I think it could be true, his story, because he looks quite Irish, quite fair, isn't he? And...
0:20:29 > 0:20:31- He looks Irish? - I think he looks Irish.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35- So what do you say, Lee?- I think we shall say David O'Doherty?- Yeah.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Don't blame me, that's all I'm saying.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- We're gonna go David O'Doherty. - David O'Doherty.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43OK, Mark, would you now please reveal your true identity.
0:20:43 > 0:20:48- David O'Doherty and I ran a pet detective agency.- I told you!
0:20:48 > 0:20:50I told you!
0:20:55 > 0:21:00Yes, it's absolutely true. You had a detective agency.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04I was at home rooting around and we made business cards
0:21:04 > 0:21:08and the caption at the bottom is "we handle everything."
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- You're the first detective.- Yeah. - And Mark is...- He's down as "notes".
0:21:14 > 0:21:18Down as "notes". What does that mean, "notes"?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20You've reduced him to an inanimate noun.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23What a man, thank you very much to Mark.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25APPLAUSE
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Which brings us to our final round Quickfire Lies.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33We will start with...
0:21:33 > 0:21:34It's Louie.
0:21:34 > 0:21:40Oh. Put my glasses on. This means I've gotta read.
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Right, hold on.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44I make myself cry before every big dance performance,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47to get rid of any excess water weight.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49What do you think, David?
0:21:49 > 0:21:53My...my first question, what do you think of to produce this
0:21:53 > 0:21:57torrent of tears that would get rid of all this excess water?
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Well, as a dancer,
0:21:58 > 0:22:01you're so criticised for the way you look and some of the things
0:22:01 > 0:22:05you have to wear on stage are very revealing and can be very tight
0:22:05 > 0:22:08and so I just think about how awful I would look and what kind
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- of criticism I would get so that's enough to reduce me to tears.- Right.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14The spiteful remarks that people would make
0:22:14 > 0:22:18if you don't burst into tears and lose a few pounds of water.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22- Yes.- Pounds, would you be losing pounds, just from a quick cry?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Oh, yes, you can, you absolutely can.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Louie, where did you...where did you discover this technique?
0:22:28 > 0:22:32Well, a lot of ballet dancers, a lot of commercial dancers do do it,
0:22:32 > 0:22:34it's a funny world we live in.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37What we do is extreme, what we do with our bodies is extreme.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41It's just one more thing to be extreme with.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43How do you make sure it doesn't go onto your skin
0:22:43 > 0:22:45and then still be weighing you down?
0:22:45 > 0:22:48You do it like this with the flat back over,
0:22:48 > 0:22:51so they just drop like that.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53It must be really difficult stand...
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- Have you had any experience of standing in that position. - Can you cry now?
0:22:56 > 0:23:01- This is the only time I do it. - Terrible. Amazing.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04I'm surprised you can be in that position
0:23:04 > 0:23:07and can do anything that will bring tears to your eyes.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Louie, would you like some music.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Oh, don't get me started, cos you know I'm not an exhibitionist.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:17 > 0:23:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:41 > 0:23:45- I feel better now. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:48 > 0:23:52- You didn't hear a thing, did you? - Right, David, it's time to guess.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I think we as a team don't think that that's true.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59We're all on edge as we wait to find out.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Louie, truth or lie?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10- Lie.- Oh, what a shocker.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Yes, it's a lie.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Louie doesn't make himself cry before every dance performance
0:24:18 > 0:24:21to get rid of any excess water weight. Er, Lee.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25I can tell the circumference of someone's head
0:24:25 > 0:24:26just by looking at them.
0:24:28 > 0:24:33- David, what d'you think? - No, you can't. Let's move on.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36I actually had my head measured yesterday for a wig.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39What a waste! You should have come here. I'd have told you.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44- So I know exactly what my head circumference is... - Hey, hey, Katherine, bring it on.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Go on, then, what's her head circumference.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Let the lady ask if she wants to know. Yes, Katherine,
0:24:50 > 0:24:54- can I help you?- Lee, what is the circumference of my head?
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Could you just have a little bit of a...
0:25:03 > 0:25:07I would say that from my expert opinion you are...
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I would say you are a large.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- David! - Lee, large isn't a circumference.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28Tell me, what did he say?
0:25:31 > 0:25:36- Cos he'll have got it wrong, I guarantee, what did he say? - He said that I was 24 inches.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40Well, there you go, classic layman, you're clearly a 23.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43What d'you reckon about my head? You know, in terms of circumference.
0:25:43 > 0:25:48- You're a 26, 26.- Right, 26 inches. - 28, 26, 23 and a half.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52You're not just thinking that the heads
0:25:52 > 0:25:54that are further away must be larger.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Bizarrely, David's head is actually bigger than Katherine's
0:25:58 > 0:26:01even with perspective of distance. Katherine's got quite a small head.
0:26:01 > 0:26:06- She's got quite a small head which you defined early on as large. - Large.
0:26:06 > 0:26:12David it's time to, er, encourage Lee to...to stop talking, and, what d'you think?
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- I don't think it's true. - D'you not?- No.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19- There is something about it that just has the ring of...- Fishy.
0:26:19 > 0:26:24- ..total crock to it.- Have you got a tape measure?- What, why?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26We could prove I'm right by measuring your heads.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30If we did have a tape measure you wouldn't want to prove you're right,
0:26:30 > 0:26:33because you don't get a point if this is true, you have to make it...
0:26:33 > 0:26:37If you had a tape measure, you'd prove that I'm right and then you'd say true.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41- Yeah, and it would be true.- I'd get a point.- And we'd get a point.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Can I just...do you mind if I... It's all right, I know what I'm doing I used to be a vet.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02My head shape is like a torpedo though, you have to get the full...
0:27:02 > 0:27:07- Remember not to measure it from the nose, Lee, that was a tip you did earlier.- Hang on, hang on.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11I mean, you can take it, the nature of a head is that it gets smaller.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15- You've got to get the height of the head.- David would you read out the result please?
0:27:15 > 0:27:17- No?- Bang on 23!
0:27:17 > 0:27:20LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:24 > 0:27:28- So, David, what, what does that lead you to...- I still don't believe it.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33- Really?- Do you believe him now? - No, I don't.- Do you believe him now?
0:27:33 > 0:27:37- A little bit.- A little bit. I think we're going to say this is a lie.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40- You're going to say it's a lie. - Yeah.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Lee Mack! Were you telling the truth or were you lying.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44I was in fact telling a lie.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54Yes, it's a lie, Lee can't tell the circumference of someone's head just by looking at them.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58- BUZZER - And that noise signals time is up
0:27:58 > 0:28:01and it's the end of the show and I can reveal that David's team
0:28:01 > 0:28:05romped to victory by six points to three.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:10 > 0:28:14But of course, it's not just a team game,
0:28:14 > 0:28:18and my individual liar of the week this week is David O'Doherty.
0:28:18 > 0:28:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:22 > 0:28:27Yes, David O'Doherty, obviously, I don't really think he's the best liar,
0:28:27 > 0:28:33but I'm just giving him the award to fulfil a regional quota. Good night.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:47 > 0:28:49Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk.