0:00:20 > 0:00:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Good evening and welcome to a very special edition
0:00:30 > 0:00:34of previously unseen clips from this series of Would I Lie To You?
0:00:34 > 0:00:39Joining Lee Mack tonight, Alex Jones, Jim Carter, Bob Mortimer,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43Miranda Hart, Alexander Armstrong, Kate Humble, Miles Jupp,
0:00:43 > 0:00:49Diane Parish, Dr Christian Jessen, Armando Iannucci and Clare Balding.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53And joining David Mitchell tonight, Jack Whitehall, Richard Madeley,
0:00:53 > 0:00:57Gabby Logan, Greg Davis, Richard Osman, Mel Giedroyc,
0:00:57 > 0:01:02Andy Hamilton, Chris Tarrant, Richard Bacon and Dale Winton.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06And so we begin with Round One, it's Home Truths,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09where our panellists each read out a statement
0:01:09 > 0:01:10from the card in front of them.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13To make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
0:01:13 > 0:01:15so they've got no idea what they'll be faced with.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction,
0:01:18 > 0:01:20and, Richard, you are first up.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24My family don't have a swear jar,
0:01:24 > 0:01:27we have a bore jar.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Whenever a Madeley says something dull,
0:01:30 > 0:01:32they have to stick a quid in it.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Blimey, have you got a change machine at home?
0:01:34 > 0:01:35LAUGHTER
0:01:35 > 0:01:40What do you think, Lee, the Madeley bore jar, could it be true?
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Well, um...
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Yeah, we'll go with true.
0:01:45 > 0:01:46LAUGHTER
0:01:46 > 0:01:49APPLAUSE
0:01:53 > 0:01:56OK, are all the family members included in this?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58- It's a compulsory family scheme, yeah.- OK.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01And who would you say... We know the answer, but we'll ask it anyway...
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- LAUGHTER - Who would you say
0:02:03 > 0:02:05has given the most to the jar?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07- Well, me, obviously. - You've given the most.- Yeah.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11- And what do you do with the money? - Well, I keep it.- YOU keep it?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- It's my system and it's my jar. - It's your money!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16And it's mostly my money, so I tend to keep it.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20So basically, there's a jar full of money that you've put in, that you take all the money out and keep.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21That is so boring, get a quid in it.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- LAUGHTER - Is it only family?
0:02:23 > 0:02:27If I came to your house and was just my usual self, would I have to start overloading it?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Well, for example, if you came in and started talking about Not Going Out,
0:02:30 > 0:02:32- obviously, you'd have to put a quid in.- Ooh.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- AUDIENCE: Ooh! - Trust me, if I was in your house,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38- I wouldn't be talking about NOT going out. - LAUGHTER
0:02:38 > 0:02:43Do you remember the last time you put a - you, not poor Jack or Chloe or long-suffering Judy,
0:02:43 > 0:02:49the last time that you put a pound in that jar, what was it for?
0:02:49 > 0:02:54I was reading something about fiscal policy out of the Financial Times,
0:02:54 > 0:02:58and Judy said, after about three seconds, "jar".
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Maybe she was agreeing with you in German.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02LAUGHTER
0:03:04 > 0:03:05What do you think, Lee Mack?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Miles.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- I think this is true.- Do you?
0:03:10 > 0:03:16Yeah, but I do find... I find Richard intrinsically believable.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17LAUGHTER
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- So you think Richard's telling the truth. Kate?- I think it's complete rubbish.- You think it's a lie?- Yeah.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- I'm going to say not true. - Going to say it's a lie.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29- Richard, were you telling the truth, or were you telling a lie?- Well, I'm afraid the answer is deeply boring.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30I lied.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32APPLAUSE
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Bob, you're next.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40I have a didgeridoo suspended from a tree in my back garden
0:03:40 > 0:03:43so that when the wind blows in a particular direction,
0:03:43 > 0:03:49it parps soothing sounds of the outback into my bedroom window.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51LAUGHTER
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- David's team, what do you think? - Parps soothing sounds of the outback?
0:03:54 > 0:03:55Yes.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58What a poetic way of putting it.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Thank you.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- Um...- Do you genuinely believe that
0:04:01 > 0:04:03that particular instrument makes a parp?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07How would you describe it, Greg?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Er-ar er-ar, er-ar...
0:04:09 > 0:04:11LAUGHTER
0:04:12 > 0:04:14- LEE:- All do it, audience!
0:04:14 > 0:04:16And how soothed do you feel?
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Right, everyone stop parping.
0:04:17 > 0:04:22I get this every night in my house, please!
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Where is it, Bob, it's in a tree?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- Yeah.- And you've made a conscious decision to put it in the tree?- Yeah.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28I thought you said it was hanging from a tree?
0:04:28 > 0:04:32What it is is, it's trapped in a V, I think. Is there a name for that area of a tree,
0:04:32 > 0:04:34- is it called the Clooney or something?- A Clooney?
0:04:34 > 0:04:35LAUGHTER
0:04:35 > 0:04:38What's the... George Clooney's holding a didgeridoo
0:04:38 > 0:04:41up a tree in his garden, why don't you believe this?
0:04:41 > 0:04:45This part of your finger there is called the Clooney.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46- Is it?- So I'm assuming...
0:04:46 > 0:04:47I never knew that.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50That's why I said Clooney. Where it... And it's wedged there.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- It's wedged in the tree's V.- Yes.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56It's wedged horizontally in the tree's V facing south east,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- which is the prevailing wind where- I- live.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Where do you live, not Britain?
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Britain.- No, the prevailing wind in Britain is south westerly.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07It doesn't happen every night.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- Right. - LAUGHTER
0:05:09 > 0:05:12So tell us what this sound does for you, then.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15You're lying in bed at night and you've had a lovely day,
0:05:15 > 0:05:17you're just settling down, and you hear...
0:05:17 > 0:05:21MAKES DIDGERIDOO NOISE
0:05:21 > 0:05:24..and then what, what sort of, what happens to you?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26I'm soothed.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30And the mind is soothed. Do you know you get things that will do the same thing to, say, your throat?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Yes.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33It does it to the mind.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37What if your brain's fine? You don't want to hear that every time it's windy.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- You're always soothing your brain, that's what sleep is.- Hence the success of the pillow.- Yeah.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43LAUGHTER
0:05:43 > 0:05:44- GREG:- Can I just say though, Bob,
0:05:44 > 0:05:47I've been led to believe by out-of-work hippies over the years
0:05:47 > 0:05:51- that the didgeridoo is an incredibly difficult instrument to play.- Yeah.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54And yet it would appear that all one has to do is to pass air through it.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55LAUGHTER
0:05:55 > 0:05:57No, well, you have to position it correctly,
0:05:57 > 0:05:59just as you would have to over your mouth.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03I've done that by utilising the Clooney in the tree.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06You're using the Clooney of a tree as human lips?
0:06:06 > 0:06:07LAUGHTER
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Even to get any kind of noise out of a didgeridoo,
0:06:10 > 0:06:13the Clooney - which doesn't exist - on Bob's tree...
0:06:13 > 0:06:14PATSY LAUGHS
0:06:14 > 0:06:16..would have to be flesh-like,
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- cos an Aboriginal doesn't just go... - EXHALES HARD
0:06:19 > 0:06:22..through it. Cos it's not just wind, they use their lips.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Very good point, very good point.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26LAUGHTER
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Just coming up this time of year, I'll admit it's a lot better.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34In fact, I have a wisteria that grows through the didgeridoo.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36DAVID LAUGHS
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Of course!
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- And when the wisteria comes into leaf...- Yeah.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47..not only does it pipe the wind towards the didgeridoo,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49but it acts as the lips.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50LAUGHTER
0:06:50 > 0:06:54It's long been said that if the wind blows in the right direction through wisteria,
0:06:54 > 0:06:57it can play any instrument in the world.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58LAUGHTER
0:06:58 > 0:06:59It's time to decide, David.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- OK, we need to make a guess. - What are you going to say?
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Um...
0:07:03 > 0:07:04I think it's a lie.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Of course it's a lie.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- We think it's a lie. - You think it's a lie.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Well, Bob, were you telling the truth or were you telling a lie?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12I was lying.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15APPLAUSE
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Christian, you're next.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20For a prank,
0:07:20 > 0:07:26I once set a friend's legs in plaster casts while he slept.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28LAUGHTER
0:07:28 > 0:07:29David Mitchell's team.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34Do you get to take those materials home with you, then, when you're at medical school, or when you're...?
0:07:34 > 0:07:39- We're not supposed to...- Right, were you at medical school at the time? - ..but we do. This would have been...
0:07:39 > 0:07:41- Did you say was he at medical school?- At the time.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- Oh, right, yeah.- No, I am not... - I thought you were accusing him!
0:07:44 > 0:07:48- ANDY:- Christian, why did you play this prank on your friend?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Because he'd got blind drunk, as only medical students can do.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55And he was drunk as you were putting the plaster cast on him, or...?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- He'd actually passed out by that stage.- Right.
0:07:58 > 0:07:59- He was sleeping.- Was it...
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Can you get struck off for this?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- No.- Oh, right.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03LAUGHTER
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Anyone?- Presumably, you had to have a plan, didn't you?
0:08:08 > 0:08:12You didn't just happen to chance upon the plaster casting equipment.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Um...
0:08:13 > 0:08:17We decided we were going to plaster him from his ankles
0:08:17 > 0:08:19all the way up to his hips, with his legs apart like that.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21LAUGHTER
0:08:21 > 0:08:23He never woke up the whole time you're touching him?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26And presumably, right the way up to the top of his groin.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Have you ever drunk 19 pints of cider?
0:08:29 > 0:08:30- Yes.- All right.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32LAUGHTER
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Did you first take his trousers down?
0:08:36 > 0:08:37We did, yeah.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Oh, the humiliation.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- Did you take his underpants off as well?- No, we left the undies on.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45And you said, "we". Who were the accomplices here?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47I had mates that were involved.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Name them.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Matthew, Mark...- Luke and John?
0:08:52 > 0:08:53LAUGHTER
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Is that the gospel now, or are you...
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- Gospel.- Gospel.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02- Andy, did you miss that? I said, is that the gospel?- Yeah, yeah.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04I didn't miss it, Rob.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05LAUGHTER
0:09:05 > 0:09:10And when he woke up, what was his reaction?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12He thought he'd had a stroke.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Because he couldn't even... - Move his legs.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- DAVID: That's very bad self-diagnosis.- Aah. Poor fella!
0:09:17 > 0:09:19LAUGHTER
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- David, what are you thinking? - Um... Andy?
0:09:21 > 0:09:26I think the medical student thing, knowing how their minds work,
0:09:26 > 0:09:28I think it might be true.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30And you're edging towards...?
0:09:30 > 0:09:34I did think it was a lie, and now I think it might be true.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37OK, we'll say it's true.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Say it's true. All right, Dr Christian, were you telling the truth,
0:09:40 > 0:09:42or were you telling a lie?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- It is true.- Well done.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Xander, you're next.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Last year, I was amused to discover that in one weekend,
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I'd had a curry with Andy Murray,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58been bowling with JK Rowling...
0:09:58 > 0:10:00LAUGHTER
0:10:02 > 0:10:06..and attended an odd party with Todd Carty.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08LAUGHTER
0:10:08 > 0:10:10APPLAUSE
0:10:13 > 0:10:15So, David, what do you think?
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Well, what a weekend that was!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20What was odd about the party?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Where do I begin?
0:10:23 > 0:10:24LAUGHTER
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Er, the first indication that it was an odd party...
0:10:28 > 0:10:32There were chicken wings that were brought around, for example,
0:10:32 > 0:10:34that everybody dived on,
0:10:34 > 0:10:38and it was only when we'd eaten most of the plate when somebody went,
0:10:38 > 0:10:42"Mmm, mmm..." and then, "This is still quite red,"
0:10:42 > 0:10:43and we all noticed
0:10:43 > 0:10:46that actually, nothing had really been cooked at all.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49So we were all, er... We were all dicing with salmonella.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Erm...
0:10:51 > 0:10:55There was a husband and wife there who had the most enormous row...
0:10:55 > 0:11:00- I mean, it's just, it was a very odd...- So a row and disappointing food.- Yes, disappointing.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01This is a normal party.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03LAUGHTER
0:11:03 > 0:11:06I'm fascinated with the bowling with Rowling.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10Was it the sort of bowling which ladies of a certain age in white do in parks?
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- No, sir.- Or was it ten pin, three fingers in the old, and...?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- Ten pin, three fingers, yes. - Ten pin and three fingers.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18LAUGHTER
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- Did you have to change from your normal shoes...- You bet.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- ..into the red, white and blue... - Yes.- ..sort of comedy bowling shoes?
0:11:25 > 0:11:28No, we had purple shoes. This was the livery of this rather chic...
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- It was posh.- ..bowling place.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- It was a posh place. - Where was the chic bowling place?
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- Yeah!- The chic bowling place was in London's Bayswater. - Oh, I've been there.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- LEE:- I've been there. - MEL:- Are the shoes purple?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- LEE:- That's where JK Rowling goes. That one.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45- The Rowling alley, as they... MEL:- What's Jo... - LAUGHTER
0:11:45 > 0:11:49- Let's cut back...- Yeah. - ..to Murray and curry.- The curry.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53We were in this rather large curry house in Milton Keynes.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54- CHRIS:- Milton Keynes!
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Why were you in Milton Keynes in a large curry house?
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- MEL:- Yes. Exactly. - CHRIS:- With Andy Murray.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01- Yeah. - MEL:- Exactly.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02It was a charity event,
0:12:02 > 0:12:04after which we went, we repaired,
0:12:04 > 0:12:09to a sort of mini Taj Mahal building in Milton Keynes.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12At another table, though, three people,
0:12:12 > 0:12:15who'd been sitting there for quite a long time, we hadn't noticed,
0:12:15 > 0:12:18eventually we spotted were Andy Murray, Mrs Murray,
0:12:18 > 0:12:22and someone who I can only imagine was his agent.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- And...- Right.- ..we, er, after a little while, obviously,
0:12:25 > 0:12:28felt we'd better go and tell him he was Andy Murray.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31- So you went and talked to him? - Well, only to tell him he was Andy Murray.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32LAUGHTER
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- So what are you going to say, David?- Well, I'm...
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- Is this true?- ..stuck, you see. What do you think, Chris?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Well, he's just got a little shifty little face, hasn't he?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41LAUGHTER
0:12:42 > 0:12:44So you think basically it's a lie?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46I think basically it's a lie.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- MEL:- You know, Xander's a man about town,
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- he's quite, "Hello..." You know, I can imagine when the... - LAUGHTER
0:12:51 > 0:12:56I can imagine him in the purple bowling shoes and the, you know, the...
0:12:56 > 0:13:02Andy Murray, I can imagine that. At a party with uncooked chicken wings and Todd Carty...
0:13:02 > 0:13:04I can't, I don't know.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- I think it's probably a lie. - You're saying it's a lie.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Xander. Were you telling the truth, or were you telling a lie?
0:13:09 > 0:13:10It is, in fact...
0:13:10 > 0:13:11a lie.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Oh!
0:13:13 > 0:13:14APPLAUSE
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- BUZZER - It's David.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Once a week, I love to eat a full English breakfast,
0:13:21 > 0:13:25but can only do so if I am entirely stripped to the waist.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27LAUGHTER
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- Lee's team, what do you think? - Hmm, once a week, you say?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- Yeah.- Any particular day of the week?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37At the weekend, usually a Saturday or a Sunday.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- I know what the weekend is, David. - Mmm-hmm. - DIANE:- Do you cook it?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Do you cook it in that state of undress, or do you get undressed once it's cooked?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I... I get undressed once it's cooked.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47LAUGHTER
0:13:47 > 0:13:52Only... I mean, there's a limit to the amount of undressing required,
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I mean, I take my top off.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Boxers, or...?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- No, it's...- I think it's waist up, I think he said.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59- Oh!- Yes.- Waist up.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02It would be odd if he had a breakfast...
0:14:02 > 0:14:03and from the waist down, he stripped naked.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07That would be odd if you went round to his house, said, "Thank you, David, for the sausage and beans."
0:14:07 > 0:14:08"We're not done yet."
0:14:08 > 0:14:10- Yeah. - LAUGHTER
0:14:10 > 0:14:11No, that's...
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Get them off.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Are none of you going to ask why?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- CHRISTIAN:- I'm about to ask. - GABBY:- Oh, good.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22What on God's earth function does taking your top off
0:14:22 > 0:14:24play in this breakfast?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- In many ways, I've lost a lot of self respect...- You have.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31..over the years, and sometimes, I like to wallow in that.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34LAUGHTER In that case, we think it's true.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35LAUGHTER
0:14:35 > 0:14:39I do find there's a certain amount of splatter
0:14:39 > 0:14:42involved in the eating of a full English breakfast.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Is this getting sexual?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Not from my point of view.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47LAUGHTER
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Is this on your own, or would someone join you?
0:14:51 > 0:14:55I... More usually, on my own, but I wouldn't...
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- ROB LAUGHS - Would you like someone to join you?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- I don't think so, really. - I'm not offering.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02LAUGHTER
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Can I ask a question? Gabby, do you like a fried breakfast?
0:15:05 > 0:15:06LAUGHTER
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- David is this...- Hang on.- Sorry.
0:15:12 > 0:15:13LAUGHTER
0:15:13 > 0:15:18Is this for practical reasons, as you say, just to stop the splashing,
0:15:18 > 0:15:21or is it a lovely sense of liberation?
0:15:22 > 0:15:25I think it's partly practical.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29Partly, yes, of course, you feel closer to nature.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31LAUGHTER
0:15:31 > 0:15:35So what are you thinking, Lee, what are you going to say, is he telling the truth here?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- Christian, what do you think, do you eat with your clothes on? - I do, I do.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41You don't strip off for any reason to do with eating?
0:15:41 > 0:15:42No, not really.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Do you think he does?
0:15:45 > 0:15:46LAUGHTER
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Having got to know David during the course of this evening,
0:15:50 > 0:15:52I rather suspect he does.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54LAUGHTER
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Diane, do you?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Do I? No, I do not, no.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- No, I mean...- Oh! Sorry. - I was going to say do you believe... LAUGHTER
0:16:02 > 0:16:06I was going to say do you believe it? I wasn't taking the opportunity to go, do you have fry-ups,
0:16:06 > 0:16:08do you want to come round my house, will you take your top off?
0:16:08 > 0:16:12- I wasn't going to say that. - Of course not.- I was thinking it. I was absolutely thinking it.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16I'd never've said it out loud, but now you've brought it up... Do you want to come round on Sunday?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18I've got Birds Eye Potato Waffles.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20LAUGHTER
0:16:21 > 0:16:25- Do you think David is telling the truth, or do you...? - I think he's telling the truth.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- I think David's a well brought up, educated chap.- Yes.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30He'd never do anything quite so stupid.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32- Never. He'd have breakfast in a bow tie.- So it's not true.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36- I'm on lie now, yeah.- OK. We have to go with lie, then. - You're going to say lie.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- David, truth or lie? - Please don't be true.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40It is a lie.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44- Thank God for that. - APPLAUSE
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Next, it's Jim.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50After being knocked unconscious by a Frisbee for three days,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I could only speak in a thick Scottish accent.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56LAUGHTER
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- David's team.- Oh...
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Bit harsh, though, just cos you're Scottish, doesn't mean you're thick, does it?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04LAUGHTER
0:17:04 > 0:17:07So what was the occasion of being hit by the Frisbee?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09I was playing with my daughter and her friends,
0:17:09 > 0:17:11and we were playing Frisbee, you know,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14with a bunch of people, and this young lad just let it go,
0:17:14 > 0:17:17and it just caught me right on the side of the head.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21- Er...- Did you pass out first? - Well, I... No, I... Well, I don't know, really.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25I went sort of strange and I had to sit down,
0:17:25 > 0:17:26but I don't think I physically...
0:17:26 > 0:17:28So you sat down, feeling a bit dizzy.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- Head between my knees.- You sat down and at some point, someone asked,
0:17:31 > 0:17:34how are you feeling? And you found yourself answering...
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I think I said, "I'll tak' the high road
0:17:36 > 0:17:40"and you tak' the low road and I'll..." And that was...
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Was it just the voice,
0:17:41 > 0:17:45or for the next three days, did you not eat lettuce and loathe the English as well?
0:17:45 > 0:17:46LAUGHTER
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- ARMANDO:- Some of us do eat lettuce. - Yeah.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54In fact, I went up to the, erm, the Accident and Emergency,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57and somebody there when they met me, and was convinced by my wife,
0:17:57 > 0:18:00who took me there, that I wasn't Scottish, said...
0:18:00 > 0:18:02tried to calm me down and said, "It will go away."
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Your wife needed to be there to persuade, just to say, "I'm sorry, he's not really Scottish."
0:18:06 > 0:18:10Cos they get a lot of people who are just Scottish but want to be cured.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11LAUGHTER
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Frisbees are dangerous things.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17I took my son out, my oldest son, when he was about five or six,
0:18:17 > 0:18:20to a field area - a field - and I said...
0:18:20 > 0:18:21LAUGHTER
0:18:21 > 0:18:25..I said, "Stand there, we are going to enjoy the Frisbee."
0:18:25 > 0:18:26So he stood over there...
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- I wish you were my dad!- And I...
0:18:29 > 0:18:30LAUGHTER
0:18:30 > 0:18:34What I hadn't told him was that he was meant to catch the Frisbee.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38So he stood there full of the trust of a trusting son, like that,
0:18:38 > 0:18:42and I did a great throw...
0:18:42 > 0:18:44You know when you straighten the arm, so it goes...?
0:18:44 > 0:18:50And it went, "Tssh," and he looked at it with a lovely innocent face...
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- LAUGHTER - ..and it went, "Bang!"
0:18:53 > 0:18:56There. And blood went, "Psh!"
0:18:56 > 0:19:00And the shock on his face that his father had done this to him.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02LAUGHTER
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- IN SCOTTISH ACCENT:- "What the hell have you done, you idiot?!"
0:19:06 > 0:19:07LAUGHTER
0:19:07 > 0:19:11- So what are you thinking, David? - Well, I...
0:19:11 > 0:19:12- EMILY:- Oh, totally true.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Well, I... Well, this is my concern.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Jim has very reasonably been reticent
0:19:17 > 0:19:20about doing a Scottish accent in this bit of the game.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24I suspect, and maybe I'm wrong, and Jim can prove me wrong, or otherwise.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28But I don't think that he necessarily
0:19:28 > 0:19:30does a very convincing Scottish accent.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34- Ooh...- Jim Carter can't do a Scottish accent?
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Well, because lots of people can't do various accents,
0:19:37 > 0:19:39lots of very good actors can't do certain accents.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43And I think it would be unlikely that the accent you'd get if concussed
0:19:43 > 0:19:45would be one that you couldn't previously do.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- I disagree with that entirely. - Do you?- Yeah.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Well, get your own team.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52LAUGHTER
0:19:53 > 0:19:57Just give us a little taste of this voice, if you can use the great...
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- Use your tool, your great actor's tool...- My tool, yes.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02..to give us a little bit of this voice.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: I don't... I don't feel very well,
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I think I'm a bit, a bit woozy.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08LAUGHTER
0:20:08 > 0:20:09That's lovely, isn't it?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11It's Radio 4, it's Saturday afternoon, it's a play.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14All right, so, David, truth or lie, what are you going to say?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Um, what do you think?
0:20:16 > 0:20:20- I think it's true.- You think it's true?- I'll take the hit.- I think it might be true.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21I... Well...
0:20:21 > 0:20:25OK, I think we're going to say it's true, then.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Jim Carter, were you telling the truth or were you lying?
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Er...
0:20:29 > 0:20:30I was telling a lie.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32- Oh... - APPLAUSE
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Who'd have thought that?
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Erm... Next.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38- BUZZER - It's Lee.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43I got stuck for half an hour in a men's toilet
0:20:43 > 0:20:45because I couldn't find the door.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46LAUGHTER
0:20:47 > 0:20:50So where was this men's toilet?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- Next to the ladies'. - LAUGHTER
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Were you on your own?
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Yes.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57LAUGHTER
0:20:57 > 0:20:58And where was the...?
0:20:58 > 0:21:02- Apart from somebody singing some Wham! song, I don't know who he was. - LAUGHTER
0:21:03 > 0:21:07And where was this ladies' toilet that it was next to?
0:21:07 > 0:21:10It was in the place I worked at, which was a bingo hall.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13RICHARD: And so presumably, you'd managed to find the door on the way in?
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- No. - LAUGHTER
0:21:16 > 0:21:17Without being facetious.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Oh, I didn't do THAT.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20You found the door.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21I stood up...
0:21:21 > 0:21:23LAUGHTER
0:21:25 > 0:21:27You found the door on the way in.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29I did find the door on the way in.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31You took a number one, number two?
0:21:31 > 0:21:32No, I walked, I didn't get a bus.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34LAUGHTER
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- You've popped into the toilet.- Yes.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41It doesn't really matter what you've gone to do.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Well, I think what does matter is whether or not he'd gone into a cubicle,
0:21:44 > 0:21:48- or was just approaching a urinal. - Yes, that's a good question. - And how long it took you.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Given you'd just walked through the door that then you couldn't find.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53- Walked in the door, I went to the urinal...- Yeah.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55The door closed,
0:21:55 > 0:21:58and then I'm now stuck in that toilet for half an hour.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02Why was it that you couldn't find the door once it had closed?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Because I went in, and it was late at night,
0:22:04 > 0:22:07and the building had started to shut down,
0:22:07 > 0:22:08and so I went in,
0:22:08 > 0:22:12and just as I got to the urinal, the last bit of the door closes,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15and it's now as pitch black as you can possibly imagine.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17The other bit to the story I've not mentioned
0:22:17 > 0:22:19is that I was absolutely hammered.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20LAUGHTER
0:22:20 > 0:22:24And so... So I started getting a bit confused.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I went back to what I thought was the middle of the room,
0:22:26 > 0:22:29I'm drunk, but now I've lost all bearings...
0:22:29 > 0:22:31- DAVID LAUGHS - And so I felt my...- I wish...
0:22:31 > 0:22:34I really wish this was on infra-red somewhere.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35LAUGHTER
0:22:35 > 0:22:39I was... There was a guy with a video camera, the Wham! guy, funnily enough.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40LAUGHTER
0:22:40 > 0:22:43And eventually, a door opened, cos someone came looking for me,
0:22:43 > 0:22:46and as the door opened, I realised I'd lost my bearings so much
0:22:46 > 0:22:49that I just... Every time I'd gone round, I'd missed the door.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52I think that this is true.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- You think it's true?- Yeah.- I'm not sure, I think it's where he worked,
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- and I think there's going to be some light bleeding around a door, isn't there?- Do you...
0:22:59 > 0:23:02- You don't think it's true? - No, but if you both do...
0:23:02 > 0:23:05It's definitely unlikely, but all the things are unlikely.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07You think it's unlike Lee?
0:23:07 > 0:23:08- LAUGHTER - Unlike...
0:23:09 > 0:23:12I just... I don't know, I just think it's true,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15and I think it's well told if it isn't.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- All right, so it's true.- Yeah.- OK.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Lee, truth or lie?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20It is in fact true.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22APPLAUSE
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Clare Balding.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29To win a bet, I presented a three-minute piece to camera,
0:23:29 > 0:23:32live from Royal Ascot, in a full-length evening gown,
0:23:32 > 0:23:35with Willie Carson concealed beneath my skirts.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37LAUGHTER
0:23:37 > 0:23:39For people that aren't sure, here's a picture.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41LAUGHTER
0:23:41 > 0:23:42There we are.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44- Whose idea was the bet? - The director.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48We've come off air, I put on the long ballgown, Willie waits...
0:23:48 > 0:23:51He stands on a box when he's presenting with me normally.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Obviously, to fit under my skirts, he didn't.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57In fact, he knelt, and he was quiet as a mouse, he was very good.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58LAUGHTER
0:23:58 > 0:24:00No-one's said it yet, I wanted to say it.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03What, sorry, Miranda, what was that?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05I wanted to say there was a Willie under her skirt.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07LAUGHTER
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Now it's out there, now it's out there.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13- I'd like to request someone more mature on my team. - LAUGHTER
0:24:13 > 0:24:16- DAVID:- I mean, I know Willie Carson is not a burly man...
0:24:16 > 0:24:21- No, he's...- But I still think, that must be quite a substantial dress.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24It was a very, you know, like...
0:24:24 > 0:24:28As you sometimes get in costume dramas. It didn't have the hoops, but it had a very full skirt.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- But how did he get in, though? Were you stood there?- I stood...
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- Did you go, "Come on, Willie"? - LAUGHTER
0:24:34 > 0:24:38Well, he crawled along on the ground and then knelt under there,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41and it's a three-minute piece, so the first two minutes was absolutely fine,
0:24:41 > 0:24:43and on I went, and rattled on about normal racing stuff,
0:24:43 > 0:24:46and then he started to giggle, and that's what gave it away,
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- but because we got two of the three minutes, the bet was won. - Recreate the piece to camera.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53OK, so I stand there and I say, "Hello and welcome to Royal Ascot,
0:24:53 > 0:24:55"we've had a stunning first day here with a win for Frankie Dettori.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57"We saw his flying dismount..."
0:24:57 > 0:24:58And then this first squeak then,
0:24:58 > 0:25:00from Willie... He goes... SHE SQUEAKS
0:25:00 > 0:25:01Cos he's got a very high laugh.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04And I, like, smacked him and said, stop.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05LAUGHTER
0:25:06 > 0:25:09- Is this why Channel Four have got the horse racing?- Probably.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- Right, David, what do you think? - What do you think, Dale?
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Do you know, I'm really beginning to believe
0:25:15 > 0:25:16that she'd have done it for a prank.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20I think it was an excellent acting performance,
0:25:20 > 0:25:21but I believe it to be a lie.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Oh, you see, now I have to make the decision.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26- LAUGHTER - But I think it's a lie.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- You think it's a lie? - I think that's... Yeah.- OK, Clare.
0:25:29 > 0:25:34- Were you telling the truth, or were you telling a lie? - I was telling the...
0:25:34 > 0:25:36It was a lie. THEY LAUGH
0:25:36 > 0:25:37APPLAUSE
0:25:38 > 0:25:41- BUZZER - Er... It's me.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46I recently had to be rescued by supermarket staff
0:25:46 > 0:25:48after I fell into the chest freezer,
0:25:48 > 0:25:53trying to reach the last packet of Yorkshire puddings.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54LAUGHTER
0:25:56 > 0:25:58So you've fallen in.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00- Yes.- Talk us through the next bit.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03Look, imagine, right, imagine that this...
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Imagine this... This is the freezer, OK?
0:26:06 > 0:26:07Right.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10So I am here, and I'm looking, and I'm looking round,
0:26:10 > 0:26:12there's nobody, so I just...
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Ah, yes.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15Oh, OK.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16I'm going like that.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20- I'm going like that, and I'm going, and I'm going...- He's in!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22LAUGHTER
0:26:22 > 0:26:23APPLAUSE
0:26:23 > 0:26:25And I'm in.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26And I'm like that.
0:26:26 > 0:26:32- And I hit my hand on the kind of sharp inner edge...- Right.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35And I went... And first of all, I went, "Aah!"
0:26:35 > 0:26:36And people... People kind of...
0:26:36 > 0:26:38So you just stay lying down?
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Well, I was shocked, Lee!
0:26:39 > 0:26:40LAUGHTER
0:26:40 > 0:26:44And as I... My little head peeked up...
0:26:44 > 0:26:45LAUGHTER
0:26:45 > 0:26:47..over the top,
0:26:47 > 0:26:50and some people, some Welsh people - cos it was Cardiff -
0:26:50 > 0:26:52came over and said, "Are you all right?"
0:26:52 > 0:26:54So... And they, they kind of...
0:26:54 > 0:26:56You know, I could have got out.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58But they sort of helped me up,
0:26:58 > 0:27:01and, you know, I think they were worried I was going to make a claim.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02LAUGHTER
0:27:02 > 0:27:07Were you tempted to stay in there until someone came to get something,
0:27:07 > 0:27:08and suddenly go, "Agh"?
0:27:08 > 0:27:10- LAUGHTER - So what do you think?
0:27:10 > 0:27:13The bit of the story I don't think is true
0:27:13 > 0:27:17is the bit when he started talking...
0:27:17 > 0:27:20- LAUGHTER - ..up until the point when he just stopped talking then.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23It's the fact that he sort of went,
0:27:23 > 0:27:25"Ooh..."
0:27:25 > 0:27:28- IN WELSH ACCENT:- "I've cut my hand, I can't get up, I'm Rob Brydon."
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Well, that's not strictly what I said.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32I said I looked at my hand with shock,
0:27:32 > 0:27:34and then somebody ran over straightaway.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38I don't think it would take that long for attention to be...
0:27:38 > 0:27:43There would have been a sort of thru-bump kind of noise, and people would have looked round
0:27:43 > 0:27:47and noticed that the small man who'd previously been there had somehow disappeared,
0:27:47 > 0:27:51and then naturally have wondered where he may have gone to.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- LAUGHTER I think it's true... - Yeah, I think it's true.
0:27:54 > 0:27:59..because it's quite a humiliating story, and I don't see why you'd tell it unless it was true.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Er... The format of the show?
0:28:01 > 0:28:02LAUGHTER
0:28:05 > 0:28:10- Yeah...- "I don't see why you'd tell it if it wasn't true"?
0:28:10 > 0:28:11LAUGHTER
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Andy, I really think you've been missing something this evening.
0:28:14 > 0:28:15LAUGHTER
0:28:15 > 0:28:19- So, David what are you saying? Given what...- I think we've... - ..Poirot has said here.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21- I think we think it's true. - You think it's true?- Yeah.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25You think it's a lie. Well, I can tell you, it is...
0:28:25 > 0:28:26a lie.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29ALL: Aah... APPLAUSE
0:28:29 > 0:28:30BUZZER
0:28:30 > 0:28:33Well, that's all we've got time for on this special edition of Would I Lie To You?
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Thank you for watching, goodnight.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37APPLAUSE
0:28:53 > 0:28:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd