0:00:25 > 0:00:28Good evening and welcome to Would I Lie To You?,
0:00:28 > 0:00:29the show where it's fine to fib.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32On David Mitchell's team tonight,
0:00:32 > 0:00:34she says she'd rather be known for her journalism
0:00:34 > 0:00:36than her glamorous dress sense.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Well, I'd rather be known for my comedy
0:00:38 > 0:00:40than for being a world class lover,
0:00:40 > 0:00:43but we play the hand we're dealt. It's Emily Maitlis.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:46 > 0:00:49And I'm not saying he went to a posh school,
0:00:49 > 0:00:52but the kids who had a packed lunch brought it in a hamper.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55From Fresh Meat and Hit The Road Jack, Jack Whitehall.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:59 > 0:01:00And on Lee Mack's team tonight,
0:01:00 > 0:01:03he's Carson the butler in Downton Abbey,
0:01:03 > 0:01:07a show that's meticulous in its attention to historical accuracy,
0:01:07 > 0:01:09even down to the colour of Lord Grantham's iPad.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10It's Jim Carter.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:14 > 0:01:16And he's won so many BAFTAs,
0:01:16 > 0:01:19he's the first man in Britain ever to finish a tin of Brasso.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23It's the satirist and broadcaster Armando Iannucci.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:26 > 0:01:28And so we begin with Round 1,
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Home Truths, where our panellists each read out a statement
0:01:31 > 0:01:33from the card in front of them. Now, to make things harder,
0:01:33 > 0:01:36they've never seen the card before, so they've no idea
0:01:36 > 0:01:40what they'll be faced with, and it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Jim, you're first up,
0:01:42 > 0:01:44so would you please reveal all?
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Right.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49As a method actor, on the set of Downton Abbey
0:01:49 > 0:01:51I like to remain in character all day
0:01:51 > 0:01:55and even help serve lunch to the cast and the crew as Carson.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57LAUGHTER
0:01:57 > 0:01:59There we are, David. What do you think?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Right. My immediate question is,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04I think on a big set like Downton Abbey
0:02:04 > 0:02:07with a lot of high profile stars like Maggie Smith,
0:02:07 > 0:02:11there'd be an insurance issue with unqualified caterers serving lunch.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12LAUGHTER
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Nobody's ever told me there's an insurance issue.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I don't do Maggie, I have to say. Maggie...
0:02:17 > 0:02:20LAUGHTER
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Do you bring her her food, then?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24LAUGHTER
0:02:24 > 0:02:25I don't serve Maggie her food.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29What I do is, I bring the food to the people on the dining bus,
0:02:29 > 0:02:34rather than go round to individual caravans or changing rooms.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Why do you think that helps your performance?
0:02:36 > 0:02:40It just helps me stay in character somehow.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41I don't like to switch off.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I lose concentration if I switch off,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45so I just try to stay with it.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48It's tricky when you're serving things out of polystyrene,
0:02:48 > 0:02:50on polystyrene plates, but it just helps me.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54I was going to say, if you want to inhabit the mind of the Edwardian
0:02:54 > 0:02:56or First World War butler and you say,
0:02:56 > 0:02:57"I am that person, I am that person,"
0:02:57 > 0:02:59then suddenly there's a camera,
0:02:59 > 0:03:01an HD camera and a boom in front of you,
0:03:01 > 0:03:03aren't you going to scream, "Witchcraft, witchcraft"?
0:03:03 > 0:03:07"What is this madness? The aliens are here."
0:03:07 > 0:03:08LAUGHTER
0:03:08 > 0:03:11No, I wouldn't dream of doing that cos I'm in the bubble, you know,
0:03:11 > 0:03:13so I don't notice those things.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Do you do it with every role that you play?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17If you were doing a film about, say,
0:03:17 > 0:03:20a man that liked wearing women's underwear,
0:03:20 > 0:03:22you would be committed
0:03:22 > 0:03:25to wearing women's underwear for the whole shoot?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27You're the only person who's seen that film, Jack.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29LAUGHTER
0:03:29 > 0:03:31But you're a dresser, obviously, so you would,
0:03:31 > 0:03:35you would dress all the male members of the cast that you tend to.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I'm a butler, madam. A dresser?!
0:03:37 > 0:03:38I mean, there are scenes
0:03:38 > 0:03:41in which you help Lord Grantham on with his pants.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Yeah, that's when the other valets have disappeared or are in jail
0:03:44 > 0:03:46or being accused of murder and things like that.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Yeah, which is most weeks!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50It's only in extremis that I do the cufflinks.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53A butler will sometimes do that, I can vouch for that.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54LAUGHTER
0:03:54 > 0:03:58I think the problem with you, Jim, is you've got such a lovely voice,
0:03:58 > 0:04:01everybody's happy just sat there, just sat there like this.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Yeah, you flounder in such an authoritative way.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Viewers will be pleased to know that Jim's answer
0:04:09 > 0:04:11is now available as an audio book.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13LAUGHTER
0:04:13 > 0:04:17That method acting thing, though, is true. I met someone recently that was in Hollyoaks,
0:04:17 > 0:04:19and they were really stupid in real life as well.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21LAUGHTER
0:04:21 > 0:04:22They do, they do it all the time.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24I knew someone in Hollyoaks,
0:04:24 > 0:04:27and his granny used to watch every episode and he said,
0:04:27 > 0:04:29"Granny, you really... please don't."
0:04:29 > 0:04:30So what he did was,
0:04:30 > 0:04:33if it was his last scene of the episode, he'd go like that,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36and that was, Granny could switch off then,
0:04:36 > 0:04:38cos she knew he wasn't in it any more.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39So what do you think, David?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42I don't think it's true. I think it's the sort of thing
0:04:42 > 0:04:44people make up about actors, and I think in this instance
0:04:44 > 0:04:48it'd be very impractical on a long, busy filming day...
0:04:48 > 0:04:51You'd spill things, wouldn't you? You'd spill things on your suit.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54The last thing Jim would want to do is serve other people food.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Well, I think it's very feasible that an actor would do
0:04:57 > 0:05:00that method thing, but I think Jim, having heard him and met him,
0:05:00 > 0:05:01he's such a cool cat,
0:05:01 > 0:05:03I imagine he's the kind of guy, rocks up on set,
0:05:03 > 0:05:05gets handed the script, quick skim-read
0:05:05 > 0:05:09and then in the words of Snoop Dogg, just drops it like it's hot.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10LAUGHTER
0:05:12 > 0:05:13I think he means it's a lie.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14Do you know, thanks to you,
0:05:14 > 0:05:17we're reaching a whole different demographic.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19LAUGHTER
0:05:19 > 0:05:21So, they think it's a lie.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Jim, truth or lie?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26I do drop it like it's hot,
0:05:26 > 0:05:27because it is a lie.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31APPLAUSE
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Yes, it was a big, fat lie.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Jim doesn't remain in character all day at Downton Abbey.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Jack, you're next.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43I once hid a girl in my bed
0:05:43 > 0:05:45whilst my entire family came into the bedroom
0:05:45 > 0:05:47to have a conversation with me.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Right. Lee.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Now, how old were you?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I was...er, 18.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55And, bit of a nervy question - how old was she?
0:05:55 > 0:05:5915! No she was... she was of age.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- Of age?- Yeah.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02That could be...
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- 44!- ..65...
0:06:04 > 0:06:07No, she was just of a normal age.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10What do you mean, a normal age? That's a bit ageist, isn't it?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- For an 18-year-old boy. - Are you saying that Rob's abnormal?
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Well, yeah, if Rob was in my bed it would be a bit weird, but...
0:06:16 > 0:06:18I tell you what, a lot easier to hide him.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Just pop him in a pillow case, throw him over your shoulder, off you go.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24LAUGHTER
0:06:24 > 0:06:27So, you'd had a lovely tender time with this young lady,
0:06:27 > 0:06:30the next morning arrived, the start of a whole new dawn.
0:06:30 > 0:06:35And she was secreted, hidden, under the duvet.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36My dad comes in...
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Knock, knock, knock.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- ..and I say, get under there. - Under there.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42And what did your dad say? "No chance"?
0:06:42 > 0:06:45LAUGHTER
0:06:46 > 0:06:50I thought, I don't want to have to have an awkward moment with my dad
0:06:50 > 0:06:52introducing him to this girl, so I said,
0:06:52 > 0:06:54"Why don't you just hide under there?"
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Was she a very thin girl?
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Because I would have thought
0:06:58 > 0:07:01you would have seen a body under a duvet.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03You see, you don't understand the kind of toggage
0:07:03 > 0:07:04that I'm rocking back at home.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09It was a very thick duvet, like, yeah, plenty of...
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Was it winter? - Yeah, it was winter,
0:07:11 > 0:07:13but I get very cold at night.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16There's nothing worse than a heavy tog in the summer.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18I hate it. I have two duvets within the thing and I take them out.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20So do I, so do I, I take one away for the summer.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- Yeah.- Stick it back on for the winter.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- It's a lovely way of doing it, if any of you are unsure.- It's so good.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28God, is it always this boring, this show?
0:07:28 > 0:07:29LAUGHTER
0:07:29 > 0:07:31I'm just going to cut to the chase here.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35You two watch him very carefully while I ask this question.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36What was her name?
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Yeah, well, that's no...
0:07:39 > 0:07:41LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:41 > 0:07:44I can't, I can't say on TV.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- Oh, very good.- Why? - I want to protect her modesty.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48But did the whole family come into your bedroom often?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- As I did that morning. - Did they say, "Morning!"?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53My dad will always come into my room
0:07:53 > 0:07:55and he always brings in the Telegraph and reads to me
0:07:55 > 0:07:56little extracts that he's found.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59And your mum's behind him and your brother and sister, "Oh, can we listen?"
0:07:59 > 0:08:03What happened this one morning was that my dad had received
0:08:03 > 0:08:05a round robin, so he came in to read me this letter.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06I said, hide under the duvet,
0:08:06 > 0:08:08then my mum came in with a cup of tea,
0:08:08 > 0:08:10and my dad was reading this letter so he was like,
0:08:10 > 0:08:12"Oh, Molly, Barnaby, why don't you come in as well?"
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Sounds like a rough family.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16LAUGHTER
0:08:16 > 0:08:19So, they were all round the bed and she was sort of hidden under there.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21It was quite a long letter as well,
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- so I had to keep sort of giving her a bit of air.- And then...
0:08:23 > 0:08:25You were doing that, were you?
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Is it a single bed or a double bed?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29It's one of those ones that's like a small double bed.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- They're called single beds. - Single bed.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34It was, yeah. It wasn't...
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Is this the first time that had happened?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Had you never been in that situation before or...?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I'd brought a girl back before but I'd been very careful
0:08:42 > 0:08:44to sort of sneak her out in the morning,
0:08:44 > 0:08:47I'd like distracted my dad and then you just go, go, go.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48So that was the plan?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50You were going to sneak her out without anyone noticing.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Through the laundry chute?
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I don't know what a laundry chute is,
0:08:54 > 0:08:56the butler normally just takes it from the room.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58That's true.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Sorry. No, but I was planning on sort of sneaking out
0:09:02 > 0:09:05and not having to deal with this situation and at the end,
0:09:05 > 0:09:07she was under there for too long. I had to let her out.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Not let her out,
0:09:08 > 0:09:11that sounded like... She wanted to be there initially.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13The only way you can conceal someone lying under a duvet
0:09:13 > 0:09:15is to lie on top of them
0:09:15 > 0:09:17in exactly the same body shape that they are, really.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Yeah. Well, I was sort of... I'm like, it's sort of over her...
0:09:20 > 0:09:21What the hell are you doing?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24No, no, just so I could, you know, I had a bit of my body on her.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27I don't like humans touching me.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29- LAUGHTER - A bit of...
0:09:31 > 0:09:32OK, so what do you think, Lee?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- I think - well, sorry, Jim, what do you...?- True.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36You think it's true.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38I'm borderline true. Yeah, true.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Borderline true. Go on, then, we'll go with true.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41You're saying true.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45OK, Jack Whitehall, were you telling the truth or were you telling a lie?
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- It is a true.- Scandalous.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Wow.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52APPLAUSE
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Yes, it's true. Jack did once hide a girl in his bed
0:09:56 > 0:09:59whilst his family came into the bedroom
0:09:59 > 0:10:01to have a conversation with him.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Our next round is called This Is My,
0:10:03 > 0:10:04where we bring on a mystery guest
0:10:04 > 0:10:07who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09This week, each of David's team will claim it's them
0:10:09 > 0:10:12that has the genuine connection to the guest,
0:10:12 > 0:10:15and it's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19So, please welcome this week's special guest, Benjie.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23APPLAUSE
0:10:25 > 0:10:28So, Emily, what is Benjie to you?
0:10:29 > 0:10:34This is Benjie. He's helping me to fulfil my recurring dream,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37which is to do the splits.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38LAUGHTER
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Jack, how do you know Benjie?
0:10:40 > 0:10:46This is Benjie and last year he hypnotised me and a friend
0:10:46 > 0:10:49so that we could watch the Harry Potter films
0:10:49 > 0:10:51as though we'd never seen them before.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54LAUGHTER
0:10:54 > 0:10:56And finally, David. Your relationship with Benjie?
0:10:56 > 0:11:00This is my ice cream man, Benjie.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01LAUGHTER
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Oh, it's not, is it, David? It really isn't.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07This, as I say, this is my ice cream man,
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Benjie, and he calls me Two Flakes, because...
0:11:11 > 0:11:15LAUGHTER
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Go on.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21..because he always gives me two flakes in my 99.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23There we are. Lee, where do you want to start?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Well, I'm going to start with Emily,
0:11:25 > 0:11:27I want to establish exactly what we're talking about here.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Is it a reoccurring dream you have and want to get rid of the dream,
0:11:30 > 0:11:33so he's helping you somehow with that dream,
0:11:33 > 0:11:35or it's a lifelong dream to do the splits?
0:11:35 > 0:11:39It's a recurring dream and he's helping me
0:11:39 > 0:11:42to get flexible enough. You need to be, don't you, for the splits?
0:11:42 > 0:11:45- So it's not to do with your mind, it's to do with your body.- No, no.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48He's trying to help you achieve your goal of DOING the splits.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Yes, that's right.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51What angle have you got to so far?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53LAUGHTER
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Erm...um, what, right leg or left leg?
0:11:56 > 0:11:59LAUGHTER
0:11:59 > 0:12:03To produce an angle you need both legs.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Trust me, that's my chat-up line.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10LAUGHTER
0:12:11 > 0:12:12If it was the box splits...
0:12:12 > 0:12:13The box splits.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16..which is where you're - ta-da! Like, facing forwards.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18- Yeah.- Not at all.- No.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20If it's that way...
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- Yeah.- Not bad.- All right.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23That way...could do better.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26So your best one is your right leg forward and your left leg back?
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Yeah, left leg, I think.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Great. Well, let's make it easy for you. Do that one.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I'm not very... I can't, but no, the point is...
0:12:36 > 0:12:38What? What is the point?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41The point is, it's a recurring dream.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43It's really weird.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45I have a recurring dream with you doing the splits in it as well.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47LAUGHTER
0:12:47 > 0:12:50I have one that I'm a piece of cheese and a Womble's chasing me.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52I don't wake up and go to the nearest man and go,
0:12:52 > 0:12:53"Could you dress as a Womble?
0:12:53 > 0:12:56"I'll dress as a piece of cheese and you chase me."
0:12:56 > 0:12:58You don't then try and do it.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59Maybe you should.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02There are different sorts of dreams though, aren't there?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04There are dreams you want to come true...
0:13:04 > 0:13:07You're not going to break into song again, are you, David?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10LAUGHTER So what's he teaching you to do?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Is it Pilates...?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Yeah, it's Pilates.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Don't give her multiple choice!
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Have you had enough now of Emily? Do you want to move on?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- Never have enough of Emily. - All right.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23David, can I ask you a very mundane question?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26How much does Benjie charge you for a double flake 99?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29He charges me £1.50.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33How much to the regular customer is a double flake ice cream?
0:13:33 > 0:13:37A double flake ice cream is not available to the regular customer.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:40 > 0:13:42What went through your mind when...
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Presumably there was a time when he said,
0:13:44 > 0:13:47"I'm not going to give you just one, I'm going to give you two."
0:13:47 > 0:13:52Basically my thoughts were a mixture of pleasure and embarrassment.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Like in so many scenarios in my life.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58How often is Benjie in your area?
0:13:58 > 0:14:03I mean, how many times a week does he service your street?
0:14:03 > 0:14:08Benjie's ice cream van is often parked at a certain place
0:14:08 > 0:14:09- where I am often passing.- Where?
0:14:09 > 0:14:13By Queen's Park in north-west London.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Why are you regularly passing there?
0:14:15 > 0:14:20Because I often walk that way from my flat to the BBC.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Who effected the introduction, David?
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Who proffered the name Benjie, I mean...?
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Well, I... Benjie proffered his own name.
0:14:26 > 0:14:27Did he?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30In what circumstances?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Benjie recognised me...
0:14:32 > 0:14:33Oooh!
0:14:33 > 0:14:37..in my capacity as someone who has been on television.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Oooh!
0:14:38 > 0:14:40And...
0:14:40 > 0:14:42When were you on television?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44LAUGHTER
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Is it sad when summer's over?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Do you know when it's the last time you and Benjie will be...
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- No, I think... - ..together for another year?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I think, thankfully, it's never quite clear
0:14:52 > 0:14:54which time will be the last time.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57LAUGHTER
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I think in a weird way, we're both better off for not knowing.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Yeah.
0:15:01 > 0:15:06So, just to be clear, Benjie offered you two flakes once
0:15:06 > 0:15:09because he's a big fan of your estimable body of work, and...
0:15:09 > 0:15:13That sentence wouldn't work without "of work" at the end, would it?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16LAUGHTER
0:15:16 > 0:15:18And then gave you the name.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21You didn't say, "Oh, look at me, I'm David Two Flakes".
0:15:21 > 0:15:24You didn't do that.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26He gave you the name.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28No-one knows, Rob, better than you
0:15:28 > 0:15:31how desperately keen I am to develop some sort of catchphrase...
0:15:31 > 0:15:33LAUGHTER
0:15:33 > 0:15:36but in this scenario, I... It wasn't me, no.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38And I think, actually, it wasn't the first time.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41I wasn't given the name Two Flakes by Benjie the first time.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Well, of course not. That would be madness.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Probably the second or third.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Fourth or fifth, surely. You'd need a pattern to have developed.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Some sort of pattern had developed.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Has he ever offered to put anything else on your cone?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54LAUGHTER
0:15:54 > 0:15:56No, no.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00OK, let's move on to Jack.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Jack, remind us again of your connection.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Benjie hypnotised me and a friend so that we could watch
0:16:05 > 0:16:08the Harry Potter films like we'd never seen them before.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10So you've obviously seen... what, you've seen them all?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a massive Pothead.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16LAUGHTER
0:16:16 > 0:16:19And, and you were so desperate to watch them again that you got...
0:16:19 > 0:16:20what, I mean...
0:16:20 > 0:16:23he's obviously a professional hypnotist or a friend who can do it.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27Well, basically, last year when Deathly Hallows Part 2 came out
0:16:27 > 0:16:30and it was the end, it was really sad,
0:16:30 > 0:16:33and I was going through quite a bad time
0:16:33 > 0:16:35and I was also trying to give up smoking,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38and Benjie was actually helping me with doing that
0:16:38 > 0:16:42and we were talking about that and, and I said, what else have you done?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45You know, hypnotised other people to do other things?
0:16:45 > 0:16:46He said, yeah, well, he'd done it
0:16:46 > 0:16:49to someone that had watched Star Wars and enjoy that experience.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52I was like, "That sounds amazing. Could you do that for me
0:16:52 > 0:16:54"and some friends to watch Harry Potter?"
0:16:54 > 0:16:56I think, after this show, people will want to use his services.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00LAUGHTER
0:17:00 > 0:17:01When he's hypnotising you, what happens?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03He puts you into a transient state.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06- How?- Is he dressed as a wizard?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08LAUGHTER
0:17:08 > 0:17:11How does he get you into a transient state? What does he do?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- He talks to you, he relaxes you. - What does he say?
0:17:14 > 0:17:18- Well, I can't remember. I was in a transient state. - He's good, isn't he?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21What's it going to be, Lee? Who do you think it is?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23I don't know. It's either...
0:17:23 > 0:17:25It's either Two Flakes or two legs, definitely.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Not Harry Potter, then?
0:17:27 > 0:17:28I don't...
0:17:28 > 0:17:32"Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus."
0:17:32 > 0:17:33LAUGHTER
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Yeah... Oh!
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Couple of Potheads in.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39- That is, of course, the Hogwarts school motto.- Right.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42"Never tickle a sleeping dragon."
0:17:42 > 0:17:46LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:46 > 0:17:50I tell you what, that's a good memory, considering you've technically only seen it once.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52LAUGHTER
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Right, we need an answer.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Lee's team. Is Benjie Emily's splits teacher,
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Jack's mind-wiping hypnotist, or David's flaky friend?
0:18:02 > 0:18:03What are you going to say?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Oh, this is tough, because they're all so not true.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11We'll go for the most ridiculous answer. We'll go for Jack.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13You're going for Jack.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15You're saying it's Jack.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18It's the hypnotist, it's the Harry Pot... OK.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20- So, Benjie... - Emily, change it to Emily.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24- Changing to Emily.- It's Emily. - What are you saying?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27You're saying it's Emily, it's the splits.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Jack, we'll go for Jack. Will we go for Jack?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32LAUGHTER
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I tell you what, we'll just tell you!
0:18:34 > 0:18:36It doesn't matter!
0:18:36 > 0:18:39APPLAUSE
0:18:39 > 0:18:41What are you saying?
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- We'll go for Jack. - Jack. Saying Jack. OK.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48Right. Benjie, would you please reveal your true identity?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51I'm Benjie and I've been helping Emily achieve her dream
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- of doing the splits.- Ohhh!
0:18:54 > 0:18:59Wow, wow. And the obvious next question is,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02- would you be willing to give us a quick splits?- Of course.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Whoa!
0:19:07 > 0:19:09APPLAUSE
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- Thank you very much, Benjie. - Thank you.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Which brings us to our final round,
0:19:20 > 0:19:21Quickfire Lies.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22We start with...
0:19:24 > 0:19:26..David.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Last year I was forced to abandon
0:19:30 > 0:19:34the purchase of a new armchair mid-transaction,
0:19:34 > 0:19:37because the shop assistant used the terms
0:19:37 > 0:19:41"well jel" and "amazeballs".
0:19:41 > 0:19:45LAUGHTER
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Right. I...
0:19:50 > 0:19:54What does "well jel" and "amazeballs" actually mean?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- I don't know. - I wasn't asking you. Jack?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58LAUGHTER
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- Amazeballs.- I've never heard... Have you heard...?
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- Does "amazeballs" mean good?- Yeah.
0:20:03 > 0:20:08- "Amazeballs" means good and "well jel" is from TOWIE.- From what?
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- From what?- Oh, shut up! You must know what I'm talking about.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- You mean The Only Way Is Essex. What does "well jel" mean?- Jealous!
0:20:15 > 0:20:19So he's selling you an armchair. What shop are you in, first of all?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22It's a place on the Kilburn High Road.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I don't know the name of it.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26- That's fine, that's vague enough. - Good.- OK.
0:20:26 > 0:20:31It's like a sort of second-hand furniture, junk, kind of place.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Course. Things aren't going well, David, of course you're going
0:20:35 > 0:20:38down Kilburn High Street to buy a second-hand chair.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40So he's trying to sell you the chair...
0:20:40 > 0:20:41No, I'm trying to buy the chair.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- You're trying to buy it?- Yeah.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46In what context does he say you're "well jel"?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48He was talking on his mobile.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50- But how did...?- To who?
0:20:50 > 0:20:54- I don't know.- But are you saying that you abandoned the transaction
0:20:54 > 0:20:56because you were put off by his...?
0:20:56 > 0:21:00I was put off...I mean, by the poor customer service,
0:21:00 > 0:21:04by not really understanding a lot of what he was saying...
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Was "amazeballs" part of the transaction with you?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09It sounds so wrong coming out of your mouth!
0:21:09 > 0:21:13What sort of chair was it? A Chesterfield? A low-back chair?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Is there a Chesterfield chair? I thought that was a sofa.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18No! Well done. I was testing you.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22Oh, good. The armchair round I've been hoping for!
0:21:22 > 0:21:25LAUGHTER
0:21:25 > 0:21:28So what are you going to say, Lee? Is he telling the truth?
0:21:28 > 0:21:29What do we think?
0:21:29 > 0:21:33I think... I think this has got the ring of truth about it.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36He wouldn't be able to cope with a conversation with "OMG"
0:21:36 > 0:21:38and "amazeballs" and "well jel" in it.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42- I think it would physically upset him.- Physically upset him.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44But did you leave specifically cos he said "amazeballs"?
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Was that the problem and you just thought, "I've had enough"?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49It was the fact he was talking on the phone,
0:21:49 > 0:21:51saying things I didn't understand.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52The fact that I was just in general stressed
0:21:52 > 0:21:55at talking to someone I hadn't been formally introduced to.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58LAUGHTER
0:21:58 > 0:21:59So what's it going to be?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- You're saying a lie, you're saying true.- True.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03I'm going to say...
0:22:04 > 0:22:05LAUGHTER
0:22:05 > 0:22:07..lie.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10You're saying it's a lie. David, is it the truth or is it a lie?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12It is a lie.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16APPLAUSE
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Yes, it's a lie.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Last year, David didn't abandon the purchase of a new armchair
0:22:20 > 0:22:22because the shop assistant used the terms
0:22:22 > 0:22:25"well jel" and "amazeballs".
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Next.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- It's Armando.- Oh.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33I once had to abandon my car in a safari park
0:22:33 > 0:22:36after a baboon climbed through the sunroof,
0:22:36 > 0:22:38lay down on the back seat and fell asleep.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41LAUGHTER
0:22:41 > 0:22:44OK, so where in the safari park is the car?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46In the lion enclosure(!)
0:22:46 > 0:22:48LAUGHTER
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Where...where in the safari park is the car?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- It's...- Where do you think it is?!
0:22:58 > 0:22:59In the baboon area!
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Are you answering for that team? It could have been in the car park...
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Well, it's such a stupid question!
0:23:06 > 0:23:07In the car park?!
0:23:07 > 0:23:11What would the baboon be doing in the car park?
0:23:12 > 0:23:13- The baboon...- Yes?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15..may have escaped!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18But you can assume it wasn't the car park.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22I'm not saying the answer "the baboon enclosure" would have amazed me...
0:23:22 > 0:23:23But do you wonder, perhaps...
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I didn't expect to have to defend myself
0:23:25 > 0:23:29to this extent with that question!
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Well, it was a stupid question!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Where do you think he was, the gift shop?!
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Well if it... if it's a stupid question,
0:23:36 > 0:23:39cut it out in the edit!
0:23:39 > 0:23:40No, it'll be left in to show you...
0:23:40 > 0:23:41Where?!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43..what a charlatan you are!
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Where in the safari park was your car?
0:23:47 > 0:23:49The baboon area!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Thank you. As I suspected.
0:23:51 > 0:23:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:56 > 0:24:00All right, so anyway, back to where we were now. You...
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Where were we?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03In the baboon area!
0:24:03 > 0:24:04LAUGHTER
0:24:04 > 0:24:08So, why was the sunroof open?
0:24:08 > 0:24:09- It wasn't, it wasn't. - Let me mime it for you.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Why was the sunroof open?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Is that how you think sunroofs work nowadays?
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- <- EMILY:- When was the last time you had a car?
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Why don't we all open our sunroof?
0:24:20 > 0:24:24Let's get the audience opening their sunroof as well.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Come on, let's all open our sunroof together.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Emily, open your sunroof, girl.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Sorry. I'm sorry, it's still a bit hot in here.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Shall we open the windows?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36LAUGHTER
0:24:36 > 0:24:37I...
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Baboon!
0:24:39 > 0:24:43You know, quite genuinely, I can't drive a car.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47In my childhood we had a sunroof, you opened it like that.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Now you open them like this.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51LAUGHTER
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Rob puts his hand up and says to the chauffeur,
0:24:54 > 0:24:56"Can you open the sunroof?"
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Anyway, why was the sunroof open?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Well, we didn't realise it was open.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02- Right.- That's what we did in our car.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05You're as bad as each other, you two, aren't you?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Sunroof isn't there, is it?
0:25:07 > 0:25:11You've just opened the boot and let the baboon in.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15So you're in there, you didn't know that the sunroof was open.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17- No.- What happened next? - It was a hot day...
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Hot day, of course.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20..and the air conditioning wasn't very good,
0:25:20 > 0:25:24and we had young kids in the back, and...
0:25:24 > 0:25:25And an extra one suddenly!
0:25:25 > 0:25:26LAUGHTER
0:25:26 > 0:25:28We had had the sunroof open,
0:25:28 > 0:25:30we thought we'd shut it,
0:25:30 > 0:25:33and it turned out later it was still open by about that much.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36So the sunroof's open that amount.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38- You're driving slowly...- Slowly.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41- ..slowly through the baboon enclosure.- Yes.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42The kids are in the back.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Yes.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48And you didn't SEE the baboon? So this is a stealth baboon?
0:25:48 > 0:25:50LAUGHTER
0:25:50 > 0:25:53- What alerted you to its presence? - As we were leaving the baboon area...
0:25:53 > 0:25:54Where were you going?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56We were going to the giraffe area,
0:25:56 > 0:25:59and you can actually get out and feed the giraffes.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- Right.- But my wife,
0:26:01 > 0:26:03who was driving,
0:26:03 > 0:26:07just suddenly looked in the mirror and said, "Arm..."
0:26:07 > 0:26:08I'm known as Arm at home.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09- Arm?- Arm.- Oh, of course, yeah.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11I thought you meant cos she had no arms.
0:26:11 > 0:26:16Sorry, go on. She wouldn't have been driving, would she?
0:26:16 > 0:26:18"It's a baboon!
0:26:18 > 0:26:21"Can't you see I'm driving?"
0:26:21 > 0:26:23She wouldn't be able to open the sunroof either.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:30 > 0:26:33"You deal with it, Arm! Bloody Arm."
0:26:33 > 0:26:37"Arm, what's that!" And I turned round and saw a sleeping baboon.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40And your kids are in the back as well. How many children?
0:26:40 > 0:26:42How did they not notice?
0:26:42 > 0:26:44It was a six...seven-seater.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- They always want to go right at the back.- Ah, so there was
0:26:47 > 0:26:50- a whole middle tier for baboons. - For baboons.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Your kids didn't notice a baboon crawling in?
0:26:53 > 0:26:58- Of course they noticed! - But they didn't say anything. - They were loving it!
0:26:58 > 0:27:02They're saying, "Don't tell them! They'll hate the baboon.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06"For some reason, they're against wild animals in the car!"
0:27:06 > 0:27:09If you're four and two
0:27:09 > 0:27:13and an animal gets in your car and sits and sleeps in front of you...
0:27:13 > 0:27:16They're getting the big purple backside.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18This, for them...
0:27:18 > 0:27:21They're at the back. They're going, "This 3D film's brilliant!"
0:27:21 > 0:27:22LAUGHTER
0:27:22 > 0:27:24And, how did this all resolve itself?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Well, fortunately, the next enclosure was the giraffe enclosure
0:27:27 > 0:27:30and you can get out and there were people there.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- And the giraffe ate the baboon. - Giraffes and zebras.
0:27:32 > 0:27:33LAUGHTER
0:27:33 > 0:27:37- One of the warders...- Yes.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Jim's giving us a lovely giraffe.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41So one of the warders came and what, did they shoo it out?
0:27:41 > 0:27:44Both doors opened, they slid open,
0:27:44 > 0:27:46and it just scarpered out.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48What are you thinking? We need a decision,
0:27:48 > 0:27:49truth or lie. What do you say?
0:27:49 > 0:27:52- What do you think, Emily? - I think it's true.
0:27:52 > 0:27:53Do you have a clue, Jack?
0:27:53 > 0:27:57- I think it might be true. It's pretty detailed. - I think we're going to say true.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59- You're going to say true, yeah? - Yeah.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03You're going to say true. Armando, truth or lie?
0:28:03 > 0:28:05It was all a big lie.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09APPLAUSE
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Of course it's a lie.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Putting a baboon through a sunroof...
0:28:13 > 0:28:16is the brand new gameshow next on ITV2.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17BUZZER
0:28:17 > 0:28:21And that noise signals time is up. It's the end of the show,
0:28:21 > 0:28:25and I can reveal that Lee's team have won by 3 points to 2.
0:28:25 > 0:28:26Wow. >
0:28:27 > 0:28:30APPLAUSE
0:28:30 > 0:28:34And my individual liar of the week this week is Jim Carter.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Yes, Jim Carter.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40Honestly, he's so dishonest,
0:28:40 > 0:28:42he'd steal the shirt off your back.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Then iron it and lay it out on the bed
0:28:44 > 0:28:46with the rest of your morning suit. Good night.
0:28:46 > 0:28:50APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:29:05 > 0:29:08Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd