0:00:16 > 0:00:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:24 > 0:00:25Good evening,
0:00:25 > 0:00:27and welcome to Would I Lie To You,
0:00:27 > 0:00:30the show which delights in dishonesty,
0:00:30 > 0:00:32and on Lee Mack's team tonight,
0:00:32 > 0:00:34a man whose sole purpose in life
0:00:34 > 0:00:36is to make ordinary women look beautiful.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40He's the fashion equivalent of eight pints of lager, it's Gok Wan!
0:00:40 > 0:00:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:43 > 0:00:47And a man who, frankly, needs no introduction,
0:00:47 > 0:00:52so instead, let's spend the time delighting in his famous face.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54From Game Of Thrones, Charles Dance!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:01And on David Mitchell's team tonight,
0:01:01 > 0:01:05a comic most famous for her role as Dobby on Peep Show,
0:01:05 > 0:01:08alongside the supremely talented Robert Webb,
0:01:08 > 0:01:11and some other bloke I can't remember the name of.
0:01:11 > 0:01:12It's Isy Suttie!
0:01:12 > 0:01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:15 > 0:01:18And an actor who recently started in Episodes
0:01:18 > 0:01:21and is soon to be the voice of Postman Pat.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24I don't know where he finds the time.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Presumably he gets up early in the morning just as day is dawning.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Stephen Mangan!
0:01:29 > 0:01:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:32 > 0:01:34And so to round one, Home Truths,
0:01:34 > 0:01:36where are panellists each read out a statement
0:01:36 > 0:01:38from the card in front of them.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41To make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
0:01:41 > 0:01:43so they have no idea what they'll be faced with,
0:01:43 > 0:01:46and it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Stephen is first up. Off you go.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Whenever I eat beans on toast,
0:01:52 > 0:01:56I always imagine I'm a rescue helicopter,
0:01:56 > 0:01:59and with every forkful,
0:01:59 > 0:02:04I'm airlifting tiny bald men on a raft to safety.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05LAUGHTER
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Lee. What do you think?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- How long have you done this for? - Since I was about eight.- Right.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Any reason you do this apart from just keeping yourself amused?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18My auntie Bridget, who used to live with us...
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Is this going to be a tragic story? "She's bald, she was on a raft...
0:02:22 > 0:02:26"She never survived and it's our way of remembering her."
0:02:26 > 0:02:28She was on a raft with 400 bald men...
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- who needed rescuing. - We all know your auntie!
0:02:31 > 0:02:32LAUGHTER
0:02:34 > 0:02:36- You say "raft", you mean "mattress".- Yeah.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38LAUGHTER
0:02:40 > 0:02:44- Oh. I hope she's not watching. - She's busy, don't worry.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46LAUGHTER
0:02:49 > 0:02:52My auntie Bridget used to live in our house
0:02:52 > 0:02:56and she would often have to look after us if our parents were out.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58You know, I wasn't a good eater. I was a very skinny kid,
0:02:58 > 0:03:01and she used to try all sorts of stuff,
0:03:01 > 0:03:03and this is one technique. She used to do other things as well.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Like what? What else would she do?
0:03:05 > 0:03:06LAUGHTER
0:03:06 > 0:03:11Spaghetti was, you were trying to, you know, you were throwing a line,
0:03:11 > 0:03:16a rope to rescue people at the bottom of a pit. Fishfingers were coaches.
0:03:16 > 0:03:21- Fishfingers were what?! - They were coaches on the motorway.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24"Here comes the coach, chop it in half."
0:03:24 > 0:03:27She's quite funny, my auntie Bridget. She's quite odd.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Do you think the bald men in question
0:03:29 > 0:03:31that were going to die on the raft
0:03:31 > 0:03:34felt glad that they'd ended in a more comfortable position
0:03:34 > 0:03:36of going down your throat into your stomach?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Did you feel that was a safer place for them?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40That was the helicopter they were coming into.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- Your mouth was the helicopter. - My mouth is the helicopter.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44That's a raft going down, that's the raft.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47The raft is, they're sitting on the fork, which is a raft.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- No, no, the raft is the toast, surely.- The toast is the raft.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- I don't know.- What's the toast? - The toast is the boat they were in.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56It's now covered in... Why would they be on a raft?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59If they're on a raft, they're already rescued. They're already OK.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02But helicopters don't lower down rafts.
0:04:02 > 0:04:07Oh, thanks, well, you just ruined an entire lifetime story for me.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Another man comes attached to the rope
0:04:10 > 0:04:13and he picks up each individual bald man on the raft. I've seen it.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Every time I've seen loads of bald men dying at sea,
0:04:15 > 0:04:18a man comes out of the helicopter and individually picks them up.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20If you'd have done your back story and were a proper actor,
0:04:20 > 0:04:23you would know that you're supposed to be taking one bean...
0:04:23 > 0:04:27That's what Charles Dance would've done. Cos he does his research!
0:04:27 > 0:04:30That's why he's not going to be the voice of Postman Pat!
0:04:30 > 0:04:31LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- So what do you think? - What do we think?
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Are we buying this story?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- Reluctantly, I think I am buying this story.- Really?
0:04:42 > 0:04:43You think it might be true?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45I do actually think it sounds quite realistic.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48I think, in a child's brain, you might make up all of these scenarios.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50I don't think he was eating the beans.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53I mean, look at his hair, he was only eating the crust of that toast.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54LAUGHTER
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- We think it's true. - You think it's true?- Yeah.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Charles says it's true.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- Oh, go on, then. We'll say it's true.- You're saying it's true.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Stephen Mangan, truth or lie?
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- It is in fact a lie.- Oh, no!
0:05:11 > 0:05:12APPLAUSE
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Yes, it's a lie.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19When eating beans on toast,
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Stephen doesn't imagine he's a rescue helicopter
0:05:22 > 0:05:25airlifting tiny bald men to safety.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Charles, you're next.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30CHARLES CLEARS THROAT
0:05:31 > 0:05:34A little chimpanzee once came to my house for tea.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35LAUGHTER
0:05:37 > 0:05:43- David's team, what do you think? - A little chimpanzee.- How little?
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Tiny chimp, about this height.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49And did it come alone?
0:05:49 > 0:05:53It preceded an expected guest.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- Was that a gorilla? - LAUGHTER
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- ISY:- What did it eat?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Well, we tried Marmite,
0:06:01 > 0:06:03because it was a Sunday afternoon
0:06:03 > 0:06:06and we were having tea and Marmite toast,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08that's what my kids liked.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10But it turned its nose up at that,
0:06:10 > 0:06:13so we gave it cheese and tomato sandwiches,
0:06:13 > 0:06:15and she opened them up
0:06:15 > 0:06:19and took the inside and seemed to be quite happy with that.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Probably on a no-carbs diet.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22LAUGHTER
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- What's a chimpanzee doing... - Good question.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28..coming round to your house for tea?
0:06:28 > 0:06:30She was with the friend who was expected,
0:06:30 > 0:06:33and the friend who was expected was running late
0:06:33 > 0:06:36and she sent the chimpanzee on ahead.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38LAUGHTER
0:06:38 > 0:06:42So, did the chimpanzee ring the doorbell or knock on the door?
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- Knocked on the door.- And you answer the door and there is...
0:06:46 > 0:06:50I went to the door and my wife said, "Who's that?",
0:06:50 > 0:06:52and I said, "It's a chimpanzee."
0:06:52 > 0:06:55LAUGHTER
0:06:58 > 0:07:00She said, "What does it want?"
0:07:00 > 0:07:02LAUGHTER
0:07:06 > 0:07:09And the chimpanzee was doing this.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13And I said, "I think it wants tea."
0:07:14 > 0:07:16She said, "Well, ask it in."
0:07:16 > 0:07:18LAUGHTER
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- How did the chimpanzee get to your house?- Ordered a taxi.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23LAUGHTER
0:07:25 > 0:07:27APPLAUSE
0:07:28 > 0:07:31I'm not a courageous man.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34If I was answering the door and I saw a chimpanzee,
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I wouldn't invite it in for tea.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38I'd be afraid.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41I'm not keen on wasps,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43and they're much, much smaller than chimpanzees.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Who was the friend? Was it Michael Jackson?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I mean, who... Who were you receiving?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52It was a lady that I had worked with
0:07:52 > 0:07:56quite some time before this afternoon.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Why did she have a monkey?
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Because she had very few friends.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03LAUGHTER
0:08:06 > 0:08:09All right, David, what are you thinking? This sounds peculiar.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13I think it's true. At the moment, I think it's true. What do you think?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17I don't know. I want to know why she would send it first.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19A sense of fun, surely, as a bit of a joke.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22"Go up there, knock on his door, it'll be amusing."
0:08:22 > 0:08:24- What do you think?- What do I think?
0:08:24 > 0:08:30I think Charles Dance, a chimp and a cheese sandwich, it's true.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32LAUGHTER
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- I think we're going to go true. - You're going to say true. OK.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Charles Dance, your chimp story,
0:08:37 > 0:08:40were you telling the truth or were you telling a lie?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I'm sorry to say that it's true.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47APPLAUSE
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Yes, it's true.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54A little chimpanzee once went to Charles's house for tea.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Gok, you're next.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Right. OK.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Every Sunday, I spend four hours
0:09:02 > 0:09:06planning the 20 outfits I'll wear the coming week.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- David's team.- Do you lay them out or do you just picture them?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I rack them.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16So in my bedroom, I've had some special bars put up...
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- Oh, yeah, I remember those.- Yeah.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20LAUGHTER
0:09:20 > 0:09:21He has, I can vouch for this.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23LAUGHTER
0:09:23 > 0:09:26So I have one which is about five foot eight,
0:09:26 > 0:09:29and then I have another one which is about four foot high,
0:09:29 > 0:09:32so when you put a pair of trousers on or a jacket or a top,
0:09:32 > 0:09:34it then looks like you.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Occasionally, if I'm very busy, I photograph them...
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- I remember that bit too.- Yeah.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40LAUGHTER
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Explain why you need 20 outfits, cos I'm thinking...
0:09:45 > 0:09:48I mean, I'm a tremendous slovenly slut.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50It feels like you're phoning Babestation
0:09:50 > 0:09:52and someone else has picked up.
0:09:52 > 0:09:53LAUGHTER
0:09:53 > 0:09:57"Sorry, can I speak to Sheila, the regular one?"
0:09:57 > 0:10:01I often wear the same outfit in the afternoon as in the morning.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03I could be filming a series,
0:10:03 > 0:10:06and then I might be filming three different shows in one day,
0:10:06 > 0:10:07so I'll need three different outfits
0:10:07 > 0:10:09to represent three different episodes.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I might be going out for lunch
0:10:11 > 0:10:13and then I'll be doing something in the afternoon,
0:10:13 > 0:10:15so I'll get changed from my lunch outfit,
0:10:15 > 0:10:17cos I don't want to be too dressed up to walk the dog,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19and it's also done by a weather report as well.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20- STEPHEN:- What?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23The Met Office are fools! They get things wrong.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Do you go through with your goulashes in bright sunshine
0:10:27 > 0:10:28on a Friday evening?
0:10:28 > 0:10:31You're presenting yourself as somebody who plans things
0:10:31 > 0:10:34very carefully, thinks things through carefully,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37but your very active planning is in itself badly thought through.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Because on a Monday, you only planned it the day before,
0:10:40 > 0:10:43you've got a good sense of what the weather's going to be like,
0:10:43 > 0:10:45your plans for the day are probably better formed.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47On Mondays, that's absolutely fine.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49"I know what I need in the morning, the afternoon
0:10:49 > 0:10:51"and outfits three and four".
0:10:51 > 0:10:55But come Friday, the weather's all to cock, the dog has died,
0:10:55 > 0:10:59you've dropped two scenes you're supposed to film on the Wednesday,
0:10:59 > 0:11:00you've got to fit them in on the Friday...
0:11:00 > 0:11:02But I've taken photographs,
0:11:02 > 0:11:04so even if I've planned a Thursday PM outfit
0:11:04 > 0:11:07and I decide I don't want to wear it, I flick through my phone
0:11:07 > 0:11:10and I might want to choose a Saturday PM outfit.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Lee, how long do you spend on a Sunday
0:11:12 > 0:11:15getting your outfits ready for the week?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18What I do is I look at the seven or eight,
0:11:18 > 0:11:22maybe sometimes nine dirty underpants in the bag,
0:11:22 > 0:11:25I work out exactly, I spread them out on the bed, I look at them
0:11:25 > 0:11:28and I think, "Which can take a fourth trip down?"
0:11:29 > 0:11:33David, I'm curious to put the same question to you.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Sunday night comes around, you've had a smashing day,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Countryfile has finished and now you're thinking...
0:11:38 > 0:11:41You're thinking, "I've got to plan ahead."
0:11:41 > 0:11:43How much time and thought goes into it for you?
0:11:43 > 0:11:48Well, I always wear basically the same thing every day, so none.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50- You're like Batman in that respect, aren't you?- Yes.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54I see myself as a superhero and I have basically one outfit.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- You know...- What's your superpower?
0:11:56 > 0:12:00The ability to decide what to wear very quickly.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02LAUGHTER
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- What are you thinking, David? - I think it sounds very plausible.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- It does sound plausible, but is it TOO plausible?- I think it's true.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11David's team thinks it's true.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Gok, were you telling the truth or were you telling a lie?
0:12:16 > 0:12:17I...
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Are you trying to work out what to wear?
0:12:20 > 0:12:21LAUGHTER
0:12:23 > 0:12:24I...
0:12:25 > 0:12:27..was telling the truth.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28APPLAUSE
0:12:29 > 0:12:30- DAVID:- Great!
0:12:33 > 0:12:34Isy, you're next.
0:12:35 > 0:12:40Because my mum deemed Scooby-Doo too scary to watch,
0:12:40 > 0:12:43I was only ever allowed to listen to it.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46LAUGHTER
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Lee's team, what do you make of that?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53How would you do that? Would you have to be in another room or...
0:12:53 > 0:12:55I was allowed to be in the room where the TV was.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58I had to wear a blindfold.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- Oh, come on! - LAUGHTER
0:13:02 > 0:13:05It was a tea towel, but, you know, I was small so I had a small head.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07It went round my head.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09So she tied the tea towel around your eyes,
0:13:09 > 0:13:12in what can only be described as a hostage situation,
0:13:12 > 0:13:14and then she left you in the room?
0:13:14 > 0:13:17She stayed in the room to make sure that I didn't take it off.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22- Why didn't she say, "Close your eyes and make sure you don't open them?". - I think she just wanted to be sure
0:13:22 > 0:13:24- that I wouldn't be able to...- Peep.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Yeah, because she would sit next to me,
0:13:27 > 0:13:31but she wanted to watch it, it was one of her favourite programmes.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's focus on that bit for a moment.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Your mum's favourite programme was Scooby-Doo?
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- Yeah, amongst other things. - What other things?- Amongst the news.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44She obviously wasn't quite sure what kind of person she was.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46"What kind of stuff do you like?"
0:13:46 > 0:13:49"Oh, you know, the news, Scooby-Doo, that sort of thing."
0:13:49 > 0:13:51LAUGHTER
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- Anything else?- Gladiators.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57LAUGHTER
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Would she do that thing they do for...
0:14:02 > 0:14:04You know, the audio description?
0:14:04 > 0:14:08Would she say, "And now Scooby-Doo is running away"?
0:14:08 > 0:14:09LAUGHTER
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Cos it's quite a hard show to follow audibly.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14HE GROWLS
0:14:14 > 0:14:16HE GROWLS
0:14:16 > 0:14:18You have to rely on seeing it, don't you?
0:14:18 > 0:14:22In the words of Rob Brydon, "I'm doing Scooby-Doo".
0:14:22 > 0:14:24"I'm doing Scooby-Doo."
0:14:25 > 0:14:26I think...
0:14:26 > 0:14:28I think what you were trying to do was...
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- HE CLEARS THROAT - Here we go.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33- HE IMPERSONATING SCOOBY-DOO: - Rooby roo!
0:14:33 > 0:14:36APPLAUSE
0:14:36 > 0:14:37Unbelievable.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Seven series in and he can't let me have one moment.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43LAUGHTER
0:14:43 > 0:14:47OK, so you're blindfold in the living room, and how old are you?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50It stopped when I was about 16 and just...
0:14:50 > 0:14:5116?!
0:14:51 > 0:14:54So at 16 your mum would tie a tea towel round your head
0:14:54 > 0:14:55when Scooby-Doo was on?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Yeah, but by then we just liked the ritual of it.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Oh, it's a ritual now?
0:15:00 > 0:15:01LAUGHTER
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Were you ever tempted to phone ChildLine?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Couldn't find the phone, could you?
0:15:06 > 0:15:07LAUGHTER
0:15:09 > 0:15:10What about Scrappy-Doo?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12If Scooby-Doo was a bit heavy
0:15:12 > 0:15:15and some of the issues were a little bit difficult to deal with,
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Scrappy-Doo was a lot more accessible, wasn't it?
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- How did she feel about that? - Is that a kind of spin off?
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Is that a kind of spin off?! It's Scrappy-Doo!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Look what you've done to my voice!
0:15:27 > 0:15:31It's Scrappy-Doo, it's the little version of...
0:15:31 > 0:15:34There's no point saying "little". She couldn't see it!
0:15:34 > 0:15:35It was a smaller dog.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37HE GIGGLES LIKE SCRAPPY-DOO
0:15:37 > 0:15:40If you can't see it, that could be a Great Dane on helium.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42She doesn't know the size.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45In fact, it was a Great Dane, wasn't it, Scooby-Doo?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47I don't know, I never saw Scooby-Doo.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Marmaduke is a Great Dane.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Are you my dad, Charles?
0:15:51 > 0:15:52LAUGHTER
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Did you ask me if I was your father?- Yeah.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56LAUGHTER
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Who's your mother?
0:16:00 > 0:16:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- So what are you thinking - truth or lie?- I think she's lying.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- You think she's lying?- I think she's lying.- I think she's lying.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Well then, I must go with my team and say she's lying.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19OK, Isy, truth or lie?
0:16:19 > 0:16:20It is...
0:16:20 > 0:16:22a lie.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24APPLAUSE
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Yes, it's a lie.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Isy wasn't only allowed to listen to Scooby Doo
0:16:28 > 0:16:31because her mum deemed it too scary to watch.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
0:16:35 > 0:16:38who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Now, this week each of David's team will claim it's them
0:16:40 > 0:16:42that has the genuine connection to the guest
0:16:42 > 0:16:45and it's up to Lee's team to spot who is telling the truth.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48So, please welcome this week's special guest, Hannah.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52APPLAUSE
0:16:55 > 0:16:58So, Stephen, first of all, please.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00What is Hannah to you?
0:17:00 > 0:17:01Yes, this is Hannah.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05We used to bamboozle our miserable neighbour
0:17:05 > 0:17:08by adding an item of clothing to his washing line
0:17:08 > 0:17:11after he'd pegged his laundry out.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12LAUGHTER
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Isy, how do you know Hannah?
0:17:15 > 0:17:16This is Hannah.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18In order to impress a boy,
0:17:18 > 0:17:22we once competed to see who could eat the most ants.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24LAUGHTER
0:17:24 > 0:17:28- Finally, David, your relationship with Hannah?- This is Hannah.
0:17:28 > 0:17:33Last year she bought a pub and named it The Mitchell And Glove
0:17:33 > 0:17:38and I gave her my blessing to use my face on the pub sign.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40LAUGHTER
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Lee's team, where to begin?
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Why is The Mitchell And... Where does the Glove come into this?
0:17:45 > 0:17:50I think it was originally called The Boxers.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52As in the dog or the fighters?
0:17:52 > 0:17:55As in the gloved fighters.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Well, it's an obvious progression, isn't it? Boxing - David Mitchell.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01LAUGHTER
0:18:01 > 0:18:04I think she was keen to change the image of the pub.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Do you know why Hannah chose you?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I think, if you can believe it, she's a fan of my work.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- Right, OK, so she's a fan. - It's a lie, move on.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16LAUGHTER
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- Have you been to The Mitchell And Glove?- No.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Where is this pub, David? Which part of the country?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- It's in Swansea.- Swansea?!
0:18:24 > 0:18:27LAUGHTER
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Cos I don't believe David.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33I can imagine his mind going, "I've to think of something quick."
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Even then, he's thinking of middle-class things.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37"Swan, Swansea."
0:18:37 > 0:18:39LAUGHTER
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- Is it themed inside?- I will be very hurt if I'm not on all the menus.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- It's a gastro pub, is it? - Not in Swansea, no.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49LAUGHTER
0:18:49 > 0:18:53I believe what it is is a flat-roofed pub.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58One of the reasons I think it's named after me is that I wrote in my book
0:18:58 > 0:19:03that I had a theory that flat-roofed pubs are always bad.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06You never get nice food in a flat-roof pub.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08You might get eaten by a dog.
0:19:11 > 0:19:16Hannah said, this will be a nice flat-roofed pub that does nice food.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19By which I don't mean a carvery.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21- You don't like carveries?- No.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24LAUGHTER
0:19:24 > 0:19:27What about Stephen Mangan's? What was yours again, Steve?
0:19:27 > 0:19:31We used to befuddle, well, annoy our miserable neighbour
0:19:31 > 0:19:34by putting items of clothing on his washing line
0:19:34 > 0:19:37after he'd pegged his laundry out.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38- Where was this?- Crouch End.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- When was it? - Oh, 15 years ago, probably.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45What is your relationship with Hannah?
0:19:45 > 0:19:49- Hannah is my mate James' younger sister.- Was she living with you?
0:19:49 > 0:19:50There were three of us in the house.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54What kind of thing did you used to put on there? Just shirts?
0:19:54 > 0:19:55It started one day.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59He came round and complained and we were sitting up in her bedroom
0:19:59 > 0:20:02looking out of the window and he put his washing out,
0:20:02 > 0:20:04and I said, "I'm going to put a sock on his washing line."
0:20:04 > 0:20:06He liked everything to be very precise
0:20:06 > 0:20:10and he'd come in and we'd watch him every day, fold it,
0:20:10 > 0:20:12he'd put all the socks together and put them in the washing,
0:20:12 > 0:20:14rather than just chucking it all in.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Sorry, the person next to you is thinking, "What's wrong with that?"
0:20:17 > 0:20:19LAUGHTER
0:20:19 > 0:20:22So we put a blue sock on and then he came out
0:20:22 > 0:20:25and put all his washing away hours later.
0:20:25 > 0:20:30He was like, and it was very funny. It doesn't sound funny now.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33In total, how much did you put on?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35It went on for about six months.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38We'd go to charity shops to buy stuff to put on his washing line.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I know Gok's going to ask it, so I'll ask it for him.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43On a Sunday, did you lay out clothes?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Isy, you're saying, with Hannah,
0:20:51 > 0:20:54you both went out together pulling
0:20:54 > 0:20:58and to attract some guys you ate ants?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00We weren't out. We were at school.
0:21:00 > 0:21:05- How old were you?- About 15 or 16.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Would you mind standing next to Hannah so I can work out the visual
0:21:08 > 0:21:11to see whether you look like you should be at school together?
0:21:11 > 0:21:13- Yep.- I think you're mixing up age and height.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15They're completely different things.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- Trust me, I'm a stylist. - Oh, here we go.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Before you know it, they'll be naked.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23LAUGHTER
0:21:24 > 0:21:27OK, similar age. It could work.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- So you were at school?- Yeah. - There's a boy there that you like?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- Yeah, and he was called Paul Brooks.- Paul Brooks.
0:21:34 > 0:21:39And you thought the best way to impress Paul is to eat some ants?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42It was during a school production.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46So we were in Grease.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48What?
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- Grease, the musical.- Right.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52I thought you were saying,
0:21:52 > 0:21:55"We were in Greece and you know what the economy's like there.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57"It's all we could eat!"
0:21:57 > 0:22:00How many did you eat in total?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02I ate about 24.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- No way! 24?- Yeah.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- How many did Hannah eat?- About 23.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Loser.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12And that's why you got Paul Brooks?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Did you get Paul Brooks?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16No, he just stood there the whole time...
0:22:16 > 0:22:19And thought, she's stupid and walked off.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22He just sat there chewing on his cockroach going,
0:22:22 > 0:22:26"This is so last year!" LAUGHTER
0:22:26 > 0:22:28What made you stop at 24 then?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Surely you could tell by his eyes, after two or three,
0:22:30 > 0:22:32that this wasn't working.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34We just carried on and then the interval was over
0:22:34 > 0:22:36and we had to go and do the second half of Grease.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38- This was during the show?- Yeah.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- During the show? - Tell me more, tell me more.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Well, we need an answer here.
0:22:50 > 0:22:56So, Lee's team, is Hannah Stephen's washing-line prankster,
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Isy's fellow ant-eater,
0:22:58 > 0:23:00or David's pub landlady?
0:23:00 > 0:23:01What do you think?
0:23:01 > 0:23:06- We can rule out the strange theme pub?- Oh, thanks!
0:23:06 > 0:23:10What is it about my face smiling politely next to a boxing glove
0:23:10 > 0:23:13that makes you think people won't want to get drunk?
0:23:13 > 0:23:14LAUGHTER
0:23:14 > 0:23:16I think Stephen is telling the truth?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19You think Stephen's telling the truth. Charles?
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- I think he is probably is, actually. - You think it's Stephen?- Yeah.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I think it's Isy, but I will go with the majority.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Then I've got someone to blame.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31OK, so, Hannah, would you please reveal your true identity.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34My name is Hannah, and in order to impress a boy,
0:23:34 > 0:23:39Isy and I once competed to see who could eat the most ants.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42APPLAUSE
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Thank you very much, Hannah.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Which brings us to our final round, Quick Fire Lies,
0:23:49 > 0:23:51in which our panellists lie not only through their teeth
0:23:51 > 0:23:53but also the clock.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55We will start with Lee.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01When I was seven, I had to be a bridesmaid at my auntie's wedding...
0:24:01 > 0:24:03LAUGHTER
0:24:06 > 0:24:09When I was seven, I had to be a bridesmaid at my auntie's wedding
0:24:09 > 0:24:11as one of the girls who was supposed to do it was ill
0:24:11 > 0:24:14and the dress was a perfect fit.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16LAUGHTER
0:24:16 > 0:24:18What did the dress look like?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21I'd describe the colour as traumatic.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24LAUGHTER
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Why did they have to have a bridesmaid?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Why couldn't they say, "She's not well, let's move on?"
0:24:29 > 0:24:31I think you are mixing me up with admin.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33LAUGHTER
0:24:33 > 0:24:36If someone says to me, "Put the dress on", I put it on.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39You know that, don't you?
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I do as I'm told.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45So you didn't display any reluctance to put the dress on?
0:24:45 > 0:24:47I may have said, you know,
0:24:47 > 0:24:50"Mother, father, I'm a seven-year-old boy,
0:24:50 > 0:24:53"despite the fact that I am two years younger-looking
0:24:53 > 0:24:55"and slightly androgynous, but please
0:24:55 > 0:24:57"give me some dignity."
0:24:57 > 0:25:01My father turned round to me and said, "Son, when I was your age..."
0:25:01 > 0:25:04He had a pipe. "When I was your age,
0:25:04 > 0:25:07"my father asked me to put a dress on
0:25:07 > 0:25:10"and I put it on, and his father before him,
0:25:10 > 0:25:12"and his father before him.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15"You'll put the dress on and you'll smile."
0:25:15 > 0:25:18LAUGHTER
0:25:18 > 0:25:22Was there a pageboy as well as bridesmaids at this wedding?
0:25:22 > 0:25:23I was a pageboy once.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26If another boy had dressed up as a girl
0:25:26 > 0:25:30- I would have felt it was fair game to persecute him?- True.
0:25:30 > 0:25:35But luckily, the pageboy came up to me, little Sharon, and he said,
0:25:35 > 0:25:39"Tell me about it, you think you've had a rough day.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42"You know what I mean? I'm a 24-year-old."
0:25:44 > 0:25:49- How much notice did you get? - Pardon?- How much notice did you get?
0:25:49 > 0:25:54- From memory, quite a few people went, "Ah."- No, no you idiot!
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- How many warning? How far in advance?- Oh!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01I genuinely thought you meant noticed.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03How much notice did you get?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05That was a genuine one.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Oh, everyone thought I was adorable!
0:26:10 > 0:26:12LAUGHTER
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Everyone was looking.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17I was nervous at first, but then I felt like a princess!
0:26:17 > 0:26:20LAUGHTER
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Oh, I see. How much in advance did they tell me?
0:26:27 > 0:26:29- How much notice? - How much notice did I get?
0:26:34 > 0:26:37That would be embarrassing if this was on television, wouldn't it?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40LAUGHTER
0:26:40 > 0:26:43I got... I think I got like, I don't know, five hours or something.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45She was ill at the last minute.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49I just think you would have absolutely refused at that age.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Listen, I said, "Dad, I don't want to do it."
0:26:51 > 0:26:54He went, "Listen, I'm not your dad, I'm your mother."
0:26:54 > 0:26:57LAUGHTER
0:27:00 > 0:27:03"And I'm sick of you constantly calling me Dad.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05"The other one, that's your dad."
0:27:09 > 0:27:11How long did you have to keep the dress on?
0:27:11 > 0:27:13At what point in the proceedings...
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I mean, did you have to wear it right through to the disco?
0:27:16 > 0:27:20My dad said, "You'll keep it on till the music starts."
0:27:20 > 0:27:23HE SINGS "THE STRIPPER"
0:27:26 > 0:27:31Because unfortunately the cabaret act had cancelled because of illness.
0:27:31 > 0:27:36What are you thinking, David? Does that sound at all plausible to you?
0:27:36 > 0:27:40- What do you think, Isy? - I really want it to be true.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Then say true.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44I actually think it could genuinely be
0:27:44 > 0:27:48the biggest load of drivel I've ever heard. It can't be true.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52- I don't think it's true. Lie?- Yeah.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Conclusively, it's a lie.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Lee, truth or lie?
0:27:56 > 0:27:59It's a lie.
0:27:59 > 0:28:00APPLAUSE
0:28:00 > 0:28:02They wanted it to be true, didn't they?
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Yes, it's a lie.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Lee wasn't a bridesmaid at his auntie's wedding.
0:28:07 > 0:28:08BUZZER
0:28:08 > 0:28:11That noise signals time is up and it's the end of the show.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15I can reveal David's team has romped home by five points to one.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18APPLAUSE
0:28:22 > 0:28:25But it's not just a team game.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29My individual liar of the week this week is Stephen Mangan.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Thank you.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33APPLAUSE
0:28:33 > 0:28:37Yes. Stephen Mangan.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Today is hardly a surprising victory
0:28:39 > 0:28:41as, when it comes to lying through his teeth,
0:28:41 > 0:28:46Stephen has more to work with than most. Good night.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49APPLAUSE