0:00:17 > 0:00:21APPLAUSE
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Good evening, and welcome to Would I Lie To You,
0:00:28 > 0:00:31the show where it's a talent to tell tales.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32On David Mitchell's team tonight,
0:00:32 > 0:00:36next to the Arran sweater Mrs Brydon knitted me,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38he's my favourite ever jumper.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42It's Olympic long jump gold medallist Greg Rutherford.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45APPLAUSE
0:00:45 > 0:00:50And she is the Crimewatch host, who's one of the most popular
0:00:50 > 0:00:54presenters on television so I'm sure you'll be cheering her on tonight,
0:00:54 > 0:00:57unless you're watching this from G Wing.
0:00:57 > 0:00:58It's Kirsty Young.
0:00:58 > 0:01:03APPLAUSE
0:01:03 > 0:01:06And on Lee Mack's team tonight, a comedy actress and star of
0:01:06 > 0:01:10The Thick Of It, a political show all about spin, which is one of
0:01:10 > 0:01:14the few four-letter words from that show we can say at 8.30.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16It's Joanna Scanlan.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19APPLAUSE
0:01:19 > 0:01:22And a comedian who's come here all the way from Germany.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24I said to him, "Eurostar?",
0:01:24 > 0:01:26and he said, "Thanks very much, I am quite famous now."
0:01:26 > 0:01:28It's Henning Wehn.
0:01:28 > 0:01:33APPLAUSE
0:01:33 > 0:01:35So we begin tonight with round one, it's Home Truths,
0:01:35 > 0:01:37where our panellists read out a statement
0:01:37 > 0:01:38from the card in front of them.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Now, to make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
0:01:41 > 0:01:43they've no idea what they'll be faced with,
0:01:43 > 0:01:47and it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Kirsty is first up, Kirsty, off you go.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52OK.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56I have five chickens, all named after my favourite newsreaders.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Oh.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Well, there we are. Right, Lee's team, what do you think?
0:02:00 > 0:02:01What are their names?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Their names are Anna Ford
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Yeah.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Jan Leeming.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Another newsreader.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Selina Scott.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10- Newsreader.- Oh.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Two Scottish ones, Viv Lumsden and Mary Marquis,
0:02:12 > 0:02:15they were very well-known newsreaders in Scotland.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17What, specifically for Scottish news?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19There is Scottish news.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23You didn't mention Angela Rippon, did you?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Angela Rippon died. Not the newsreader, the chicken.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Actually, actually it was Moira Stewart that died.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32- Ah, not Moira.- Ah.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34This is chickeny Moira Stewart that's passed away,
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Chickeny Moira, yeah.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37In case any viewers are upset.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Newsy Moira Stewart is as fit as she's ever been.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Not in that way.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44LAUGHTER
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Can I just ask, is that a joke about Moira Stewart, or did you
0:02:46 > 0:02:48really have a chicken called Moira Stewart that died?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50I really had...
0:02:51 > 0:02:54It's just the way you're looking at me, it's putting me off.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55I really had a...
0:02:55 > 0:02:56LAUGHTER
0:02:56 > 0:02:57I have to say, Kirsty...
0:02:57 > 0:03:01This is not the first time a woman has said that to me.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03What breed of chicken are they?
0:03:03 > 0:03:07They are Burford browns and Cotswold legbars.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- Right, d'you know what... - Why didn't you eat them?
0:03:09 > 0:03:10Yeah, those are real chickens.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13How do you know so much about chickens? You seem to know a lot.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Well, I know that... Well, in Waitrose, they...
0:03:15 > 0:03:17LAUGHTER
0:03:17 > 0:03:19I thought for a minute then you were some sort of farming expert,
0:03:19 > 0:03:23- it turns out you're just very middle class.- Exactly.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26And they've got those Cotswold leggy ones, I've noticed the eggs.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Can I ask why you didn't have any male newsreaders?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Well, because we actually...
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Well, I'm going to have to say it now. We didn't want a cock.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36LAUGHTER
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Is it me or is it getting hot in here?
0:03:43 > 0:03:47When you say they're your favourite newsreaders...
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Can I just say of all the people we've had on the show,
0:03:49 > 0:03:52you're the most that sounds like you're actually interrogating.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58How do you rate newsreaders, that's the thing I want to understand.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Well, if you've been in the news reading game as I have, Henning,
0:04:01 > 0:04:03it's a bit like, you, I'm sure when you watch stand-ups
0:04:03 > 0:04:05you think, "Well, they're good, they're not so good..."
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Oh, I hate the lot of them.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11So why was that one Selina Scott, and not that one?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Well, funny you should ask that.
0:04:13 > 0:04:18Selina Scott, particularly beautiful with sort of blondish feathers.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21So Jan Leeming, then, what were her markings?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Well, her... They are...
0:04:23 > 0:04:25The chicken, not Jan Leeming.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Well, she's a rather dignified bird and she's a very good layer.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Again, are we...?
0:04:29 > 0:04:32LAUGHTER
0:04:32 > 0:04:33You asked for it.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36APPLAUSE
0:04:40 > 0:04:42What do you think, Lee? Is she telling the truth?
0:04:42 > 0:04:45I'm not buying that, I don't think that's true, I think it's a lie.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46You think it's a lie.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49I think it may be true, but I'm going to go with Henning,
0:04:49 > 0:04:52I think he's got a very good beak for it.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55We'll go with Henning's beak and we'll say that that is a lie.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56You're saying it's a lie.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Kirsty, were you telling us the truth, or were you telling a lie?
0:05:01 > 0:05:02It's true.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Yes, it was true all along,
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Kirsty does have five chickens named after newsreaders.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Henning, it's your turn.
0:05:16 > 0:05:22For three weeks I was listed as a missing person by Interpol.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Wow.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27When did this happen?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32In the mid '90s.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Where were you? Had you actually disappeared?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38I was in Morocco.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40What were you doing there?
0:05:40 > 0:05:44I was on a bike ride in Spain.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49You were on a bike ride in Spain in Morocco?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Can I have a moment to chat with my client?
0:05:58 > 0:06:05What happened was I met someone in Spain on a train, a Moroccan man.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09So, hang on. Was this bike ride in Spain happening on the train?
0:06:10 > 0:06:14Was it? Cos I know that you get those Spanish bike rides
0:06:14 > 0:06:18on trains in Morocco, it's probably one of those.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21No, there was bad weather, and that's why I took the train
0:06:21 > 0:06:24from the north of Spain to the south of Spain
0:06:24 > 0:06:27because apparently, according to the local newspaper,
0:06:27 > 0:06:31there was better, more agreeable bicycling weather.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35How did you then get into Morocco, though?
0:06:35 > 0:06:40That is because I met that Moroccan bloke on the train...
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Which Moroccan bloke?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Yeah, does he have a name?
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Uh, I can't quite remember, but it was Mohammed or something.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58Mohammed the Moroccan, you met on the train in Spain.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01He asked me if I wanted to join him to go to Morocco
0:07:01 > 0:07:05and then I thought, "Well, I've never been outside Europe."
0:07:05 > 0:07:08In for a penny, in for a pound, so...
0:07:08 > 0:07:12So you were picked up by a strange Moroccan on a train,
0:07:12 > 0:07:16and agreed to go back to Morocco with him?
0:07:16 > 0:07:17What's the worst that can happen?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23How did you find out that you were on the Interpol list?
0:07:23 > 0:07:28I realised only once I rang my parents once I was back in Spain,
0:07:28 > 0:07:32and I rang my parents, and for them it was like someone phoned them
0:07:32 > 0:07:33from beyond the grave.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38So why didn't you ring your parents from Morocco?
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Because that man, that Mohammed...
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- You remember Mohammed, don't you? - Yeah, yeah.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- He was the man on the train. - The Moroccan on the train.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- The Moroccan on the train who invited him back to his house.- Yeah.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53So by then I was staying there with Mustapha and his family...
0:07:53 > 0:07:56LAUGHTER
0:07:56 > 0:07:59From what port did you leave Spain
0:07:59 > 0:08:02and into which port did you enter Morocco?
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Good question.
0:08:03 > 0:08:09Well, we left Spain, if I remember correctly, from Algeciras,
0:08:09 > 0:08:11and went over to Ceuta,
0:08:11 > 0:08:15which is one of the two Spanish enclaves in the north of Morocco.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Good answer.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I think you've just clutched victory from the jaws of defeat.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25How was it then resolved? How did you end up getting off of the list?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Well, hang on a minute, we're jumping ahead here,
0:08:27 > 0:08:28what the hell did you do in Morocco?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Yeah, he's allowed to do that, isn't he?
0:08:34 > 0:08:35What were you doing?
0:08:35 > 0:08:40- I was travelling without... No, Mohammed.- Mohammed.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43My client is getting mixed up cos at passport control
0:08:43 > 0:08:45they said, "You Mustafa passport."
0:08:45 > 0:08:50He's getting a bit mixed up with the names.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55I'm curious as to the fact that Interpol has a missing persons list.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Yeah, no what happened is my parents got involved,
0:08:58 > 0:09:01and they got Interpol involved.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02Right.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06I sent a few postcards, one of them to my friend Mark
0:09:06 > 0:09:10and on that postcard I wrote, "I have joined the Foreign Legion."
0:09:12 > 0:09:14"Probably see you never again, have a good life,"
0:09:14 > 0:09:18or something, and then, Mark, being a quite clever boy,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21thought, "OK, with this postcard I can have a lot of fun,"
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I go round Henning's parents and say them
0:09:24 > 0:09:27something along the lines of,
0:09:27 > 0:09:30"Herr Wehn, Frau Wehn, you might be interested in this."
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- Sorry, so, your friend Mark... - Yes.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36..used this postcard to mentally torture your parents.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42"I'll make his parents think he's disappeared forever, for a laugh."
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Well, it's German sense of humour.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:52 > 0:09:55And what do we know about
0:09:55 > 0:09:57this Moroccan chap who we're calling Mohammed?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00He hadn't been home for many, many years,
0:10:00 > 0:10:04and so we couldn't take the boat straight to Morocco,
0:10:04 > 0:10:09we had to go to one of the Spanish enclaves, because he had to collect
0:10:09 > 0:10:14a suitcase full of books from a cafe in Ceuta.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Full of what? Why did he have a suitcase full of books?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Because someone left them there for him.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24But why books, in a suitcase?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Well, that is, it was back in the mid '90s, people were still reading.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36- So he went to a cafe in the Spanish enclave of Morocco...- Yes.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40..to collect a suitcase which he told you was full of books.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Well, I suppose a friend of his left them there.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Yes, but why?
0:10:46 > 0:10:50I mean, you know what it sometimes is like, isn't it? Like...
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Well, I can't quite think of an example...
0:10:57 > 0:11:00But if he could, it would be like that.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03This Interpol list that you were on,
0:11:03 > 0:11:07can you just elaborate on how your parents got you onto it?
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Well, they rang the consulate and they rang all sorts of...
0:11:10 > 0:11:11Which consulate?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13The German one.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Which German consulate?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Well, the one in Morocco.
0:11:16 > 0:11:17They didn't ring the police,
0:11:17 > 0:11:20they rang the German consulate in Morocco?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Well, that's how you would go about it, wouldn't you?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24It's no good ringing your local bobby.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28And what happens then with the list?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Do you just... They have to tell Interpol,
0:11:30 > 0:11:32"Stop looking for Henning, we've found him"?
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- Yes, I suppose so, yeah. - Well, did they?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38For all we know, they're still looking for you now.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42I'm safe.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47So what do you think, David?
0:11:47 > 0:11:51Does any of that have the ring of truth, or has he made all that up?
0:11:51 > 0:11:52What do you think, Kirsty?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I think it's so odd...
0:11:56 > 0:11:59..and inconsistent and unlikely that it must be true.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Yeah, that's what I'm leaning towards, as well.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Yeah, I think, I think that, as well.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06I think it's true.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Henning, was that the truth or were you telling a lie?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Well, this story is true.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Yes, it's true.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Henning was listed as a missing person by Interpol.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
0:12:26 > 0:12:28who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31This week, each of David's team will claim it's them
0:12:31 > 0:12:33that has the genuine connection to the guest,
0:12:33 > 0:12:35and it's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38So please welcome this week's special guest, Andy.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42APPLAUSE
0:12:47 > 0:12:52So, let's start with Kirsty. What is Andy to you?
0:12:52 > 0:12:56This is Andy, he played a handbag snatcher
0:12:56 > 0:13:00in a Crimewatch reconstruction and we only got nine calls,
0:13:00 > 0:13:02but every single one of those nine calls
0:13:02 > 0:13:05said that Andy was actually the bag snatcher.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Greg, what is Andy to you?
0:13:10 > 0:13:14This is Andy, I beat him in a speed eating competition
0:13:14 > 0:13:17where I ate more than a kilo of ribs.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Right, David, what's your relationship with Andy?
0:13:19 > 0:13:25This is Andy, last year he gave me a surfing lesson and he told me
0:13:25 > 0:13:28that he'd never seen a novice display
0:13:28 > 0:13:32such natural ability amongst the waves.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35So there we have it. Kirsty's Crimewatch culprit,
0:13:35 > 0:13:40Greg's rib eating rival or David's complimentary surf coach.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41Lee, where do you want to start?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Definitely with David.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Could you just show us the basic move, cos I had a surfing lesson once
0:13:46 > 0:13:49and the first thing you learn is to go from lying to standing, don't you?
0:13:49 > 0:13:50Could you show us that move?
0:13:53 > 0:13:54- The lying to standing move? - You heard it.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57I can't really remember it, it was only one lesson.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Where did you... where did you go for a surf?
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Near Newquay in Cornwall.
0:14:02 > 0:14:07So I'm not letting it go, would you demonstrate the movement from...
0:14:07 > 0:14:09APPLAUSE
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- This should be interesting. - Yeah, well, I'm...
0:14:14 > 0:14:17So you're lying on the board, I'm helping you as much as I can.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Lying on the board.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20And watch the movement, ladies and gentlemen,
0:14:20 > 0:14:21watch as he gets to the standing.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23- I'm sort of paddling along.- Nice.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Yeah, and then you get up to your knees first.
0:14:26 > 0:14:27Oh, do you?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30And then, so I'm on my knees now. I'm still a bit shaky, though.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31Yeah, yeah.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32I'm a beginner, basically.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- But you're a natural. - Already I'm showing promise.
0:14:35 > 0:14:36See? I haven't fallen in.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38You've not.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39And then...
0:14:39 > 0:14:43- You're the only person I know that was dressed like that.- Yeah.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45So you're on your knees.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47- Yeah, and then I stand up on it. - Do it.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50- Can I use that? - Oh, that was there.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56What I did that not everyone can do is I actually leant on a wave,
0:14:56 > 0:14:58cos you can.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01You know, if you hit water at enough speed it's like concrete,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04and, similarly, for me, it's just up, there you go.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07APPLAUSE
0:15:07 > 0:15:09I thought I'm surfing that way.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16But then, if you want to turn round, you just move the tiller, and...
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Why were you down there and why had you decided...
0:15:21 > 0:15:23You don't strike me as a man of the sea.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27It was a stag do. A friend of mine was getting married.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29I know what stag do's are.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32In the run up, it was decided it was a weekend in Cornwall.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Who was the friend?
0:15:34 > 0:15:35His name was Robbie.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38David, what size was the board?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- What size was the board? - Yeah.- Oh.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42That's him giving him time to think the reiteration of the question.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44What size, the board size?
0:15:44 > 0:15:45What size the board, the board of the size.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- You want me to tell you the board size?- Yes.
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Um, normal.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- Normal size.- Normal.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54What size is a normal-sized board?
0:15:54 > 0:15:58How long is a... Well, this surfboard was six feet long.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Six feet?- Six feet. - That's, that's...
0:16:01 > 0:16:03That's a very short surfboard.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Ten foot would have been believable. Six foot is not believable.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Six foot, yeah, but he is quite a maverick.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10To be honest, I didn't, I didn't...
0:16:10 > 0:16:11- Surf.- ..measure it.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17One final question, what else did you and the guys get up to
0:16:17 > 0:16:19on the stag weekend, David?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22We had a curry one night.
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Rock and roll.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Cornish curry.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26If you go to the seaside, you're not having a curry,
0:16:26 > 0:16:28you're having fish and chips, aren't you.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32And what sort of stag do goes all the way to Newquay
0:16:32 > 0:16:35and says "Well, I really fancy now some naan bread."
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I must say, if that's the part that you think
0:16:40 > 0:16:42is the chink in my armour...
0:16:44 > 0:16:48..that a stag do wouldn't have a curry at the seaside,
0:16:48 > 0:16:50then I reckon I'm doing all right.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Right, Lee, who's next?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55- OK, Kirsty.- Yes.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Just remind me again of your thing.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01This is Andy, and in a Crimewatch reconstruction he played
0:17:01 > 0:17:05a bag snatcher, and we only got nine calls
0:17:05 > 0:17:07on the particular reconstruction, and every single one of them
0:17:07 > 0:17:12actually named Andy as the real bag snatcher.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14He was representing the criminal, yeah, and...
0:17:14 > 0:17:15The bag snatcher.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18The bag snatcher. How much money was in the bag?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Um, well, actually, that was the reason, because we wouldn't normally
0:17:21 > 0:17:23have something like a bag snatcher on Crimewatch
0:17:23 > 0:17:26cos although it's serious to the person it's happened to, it's not...
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Is this where you pretend it was more serious?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30She wouldn't let go of the bag, so it ended up as kidnap.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32No, no, no.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34And we shouldn't make light of it, Lee. It's crime.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:43 > 0:17:46So Andy would be, then, an actor, would he?
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Yeah, Andy is an actor.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Well, why did the nine people bother to ring up and say,
0:17:50 > 0:17:54"My friend Andy the actor is playing..."
0:17:54 > 0:17:58No, no, no, they were people who had actually witnessed the crime
0:17:58 > 0:18:01who phoned us and said, that is the actual guy.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04He looked so like the person.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Ah-hah.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09So you're telling me that people rang up the BBC and said,
0:18:09 > 0:18:11"I think I know who did it, it's the person I've just seen doing it
0:18:11 > 0:18:13"in the reconstruction"?
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- Yeah.- What does that mean?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19What are you talking about?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Just to be clear, Crimewatch has been going...
0:18:22 > 0:18:26It'll be 25 years next year. This has never happened before.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27You don't say.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30I would go as far to say it's never happened at all.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Was Andy subsequently arrested?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38- Andy wasn't arrested... - He wasn't arrested.- No.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40He wasn't arrested, he's an actor! Of course he wasn't arrested!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43- Get him now! - Let's get him, quick!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Right, what about Greg, and his story?
0:18:49 > 0:18:50You think Greg did it?
0:18:52 > 0:18:53He would have got away.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54He would.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58So go on, Greg, remind us of your, um, thing.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01This is Andy, and I beat him in a speed eating contest
0:19:01 > 0:19:04where I ate over a kilo of ribs.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Where was this?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09At a training camp, Andy's an athlete.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10What's his event?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12110 metre hurdles so that's over 10 hurdles.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15He runs over 110 metre hurdles. Does he use a ladder?
0:19:18 > 0:19:23If you're wondering what a kilo of ribs looks like, I'm your man,
0:19:23 > 0:19:25because look at these here, you see.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Here we go.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Oooh. That's a kilo of ribs.
0:19:29 > 0:19:35That smells. So that is a kilo of ribs.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39How long did it take you to eat this much ribs?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42I think, if I remember correctly, about six minutes.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- Six minutes, to eat all that? - Six minutes?- Yeah.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47But how did you know whether you'd finished them or not?
0:19:47 > 0:19:48They weren't there any more.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Let's do it logically.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55So let's assume there is 60 bits on the rack.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56Yeah.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00And you've eaten them all in six minutes,
0:20:00 > 0:20:04which works out at six seconds a thingybob.
0:20:05 > 0:20:10One, two, three,
0:20:10 > 0:20:15four, five, six.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16That's doable.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18I think that is doable.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21APPLAUSE
0:20:21 > 0:20:25Right, we need an answer.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29So, Lee's team. Is Andy Kirsty's Crimewatch culprit,
0:20:29 > 0:20:35Greg's rib eating rival, or David's complimentary surf coach?
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Andy does look like an athlete.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- Yeah. - He does, he definitely.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Well, yeah, but he also looks a bit like a surfing dude,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43and, dare I say, a minor criminal.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48I think it's Greg.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50OK, you think it's Greg.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I don't think it's Kirsty. I think it's more likely Greg.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56I have two Gregs, so I will make that three Gregs. Three Gregs, please.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01OK. You're saying it's Greg. Andy, please reveal your true identity.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06My name is Andy, and Greg did once beat me eating a kilo of ribs.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11And it's not just any Andy.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13This is Andy Turner who is indeed
0:21:13 > 0:21:17European and Commonwealth hurdling champion.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19APPLAUSE
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Big thanks to Andy Turner, ladies and gentlemen.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Which brings us to our final round, Quick Fire Lies,
0:21:27 > 0:21:29and we start with...
0:21:29 > 0:21:30BUZZER
0:21:30 > 0:21:32It's Lee.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I have had to stop listening to a classic 1980s pop song,
0:21:35 > 0:21:39because every time I play it, it makes my baby daughter cry.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42David and team.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45What is the song?
0:21:45 > 0:21:46I can't talk about it.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52It's Ultravox, Vienna.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56And how many times have you played it and she cried before you decided,
0:21:56 > 0:21:59"Oh, hang on, no, this is, this is definitely a trend"?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02It happened three times randomly, and on the third time I thought,
0:22:02 > 0:22:04"This has got to be, no, it's not a coincidence now
0:22:04 > 0:22:07"because she seems to be doing it at the same point."
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Which bit?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Well, it starts off quite slow, it goes...
0:22:10 > 0:22:13LEE HUMS "Vienna" by Ultravox
0:22:13 > 0:22:16We'll be here all night if I do this.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18And then suddenly, he suddenly goes
0:22:18 > 0:22:19# The feeling is gone... #
0:22:19 > 0:22:21And then she started crying her eyes out and I thought
0:22:21 > 0:22:26that was coincidence, so I tried it once, finally, just to test it.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30So after the third time you decided, "OK, I'm spotting a trend,"
0:22:30 > 0:22:32and then you played it a fourth time.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Fourth time. I even filmed it, I thought I'll film the evidence.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37How loud was the track when you were playing it?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Piercingly loud that would make a baby cry, cos I really,
0:22:39 > 0:22:42I really wanted to prove my point on the fourth one.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44So what are you thinking, David?
0:22:44 > 0:22:45Greg, what do you think?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47I don't know. I haven't had any children
0:22:47 > 0:22:49so I don't know whether or not they just hate ones,
0:22:49 > 0:22:51like one track like that, but...
0:22:51 > 0:22:55You should get one cos then they'll get a sandpit and you'll be happy.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58I think it's true.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I think it's true, cos I think the pitch of the music,
0:23:00 > 0:23:03I think it is the kind of thing that could disturb a little baby.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Well, I'm going to go with Kirsty. I think it's true.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06- You think it's true?- Yeah.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09OK. Lee, were you telling the truth, or was it a lie?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11It is in fact true.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14It is true.
0:23:16 > 0:23:22And, rather excitingly, we can prove it.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23I did film it. I felt terrible.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26I did it once. It's never been played again. Play the VT.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27OK, so here it is.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30So I'm going to play this once and we'll never do this again.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33All right, Millie, promise you we'll never do this again.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36RADIO PLAYS "Vienna" by Ultravox
0:23:38 > 0:23:41# The feeling has gone only you and I
0:23:41 > 0:23:44# It means nothing to me. #
0:23:46 > 0:23:50APPLAUSE
0:23:51 > 0:23:56So sorry, Millie. The bizarrest thing.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I think you'll agree, ladies and gentlemen,
0:23:58 > 0:24:00now that's light entertainment.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04It's made me so angry cos they wouldn't show the clip of me
0:24:04 > 0:24:06attacking my mother with a taser.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09I thought it was really funny.
0:24:10 > 0:24:17Yes, it's true. There is nothing that Lee will not do for a laugh.
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Next.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22BUZZER
0:24:22 > 0:24:23It's... Oh, it's me. Right.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30I was recently bounced off a bouncy castle
0:24:30 > 0:24:33whilst trying to prevent a bouncident.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37What's a bouncident?
0:24:37 > 0:24:39It's an incident involving a bounce,
0:24:39 > 0:24:42and you put the two together to create bouncident.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Bouncident. Surely it's a derivative of accident, not incident.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Well, obviously an accident is an incident,
0:24:48 > 0:24:53and a bouncident is an incident. Was this bouncident an accident?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56It was an bouncident waiting to happen.
0:24:58 > 0:25:04How did you go about preventing the bouncident...
0:25:04 > 0:25:08that might or might not have happened.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11I'll tell you everything.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Let me set the scene for you.
0:25:16 > 0:25:22It's early summer. It was the birthday party of a small child.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Were you invited or just turned up?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28I... Let's be clear.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- There's a children's party in a church hall.- Yeah.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36- I'm attending because it's the party of my nephew.- Yeah.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37And there's a bouncy castle.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- Whoa, whoa, in the church hall? - I know, I've never seen that.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41- Indoors?- Yes, yes.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42- An indoor bouncy castle? - Indoors.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- How big was it?- Yes. - No, there wasn't.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47How did they get it in the door?
0:25:47 > 0:25:49That's a fire hazard.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53I'm not an idiot. How did they get it in the door? We've got him!
0:25:53 > 0:25:56No, I'm sorry. Church hall, is that where the service is being held?
0:25:56 > 0:25:57- No.- No, no.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59It's the adjacent bit.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Church hall was our Prime Minister during the war.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08APPLAUSE
0:26:09 > 0:26:13Now, I don't like bouncy castles, cos I think they're dangerous.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Right.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19And my little boy went on after I'd expressly told him not to.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22What, he disobeyed your orders?
0:26:26 > 0:26:27You're the worst father,
0:26:27 > 0:26:30or the most incompetent father I've ever heard of.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37Well, I don't like to say but I think the boy's better off in care.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42APPLAUSE
0:26:44 > 0:26:46This is very upsetting.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52He clambered on, unbeknownst to me and he's going back and forth.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56So I get on and I get my little boy, George, who is not even two,
0:26:56 > 0:26:58and I pick him up.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59- Right.- OK.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02And I'm trying now to hold my little boy,
0:27:02 > 0:27:07whilst being bounced by these evil children.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10My wife is stood on terra firma.
0:27:10 > 0:27:16And as I'm coming off the bouncy castle, a particularly hefty child
0:27:16 > 0:27:22bounces, sending me up, holding my son.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24I hurtle through the air.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Luckily, I come to my feet like Spiderman,
0:27:28 > 0:27:30but the impetus is too much.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33I surge forward and head butt my wife.
0:27:35 > 0:27:40Thus having the bouncident that I was trying to avoid.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44So what are you going to say, Lee?
0:27:44 > 0:27:45What do we think?
0:27:45 > 0:27:46- Yes, I think it's true. - You think it's true?
0:27:46 > 0:27:48If a two-year-old had clambered on,
0:27:48 > 0:27:51you might well go and get your two-year-old off.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53- I think that's true. - Well, then, I must say true.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55You say true. David's team.
0:27:55 > 0:27:56Well, we'll say it's a lie.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58- You're saying it's a lie.- Yep.
0:27:58 > 0:27:59You say it's true.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Well, it's actually...
0:28:01 > 0:28:02true.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06The tension mounts.
0:28:06 > 0:28:11Yes, it's true. I was recently bounced off a bouncy castle
0:28:11 > 0:28:12while trying to prevent a bouncident.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14BUZZER
0:28:14 > 0:28:16And that noise signals time is up, it's the end of the show,
0:28:16 > 0:28:20and I can reveal that David's team have won by three points to two.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22APPLAUSE
0:28:24 > 0:28:27But, of course, it's not just a team game.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30My individual liar of the week this week is Henning Wehn.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Yes, Henning Wehn.
0:28:36 > 0:28:40It was a close run thing, but he won on penalties. Good night.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd