0:00:18 > 0:00:22APPLAUSE
0:00:22 > 0:00:25Good evening and welcome to Would I Lie To You?,
0:00:25 > 0:00:28the show where deception is the dish of the day.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31On Lee Mack's team tonight, the woman who is to Sue Perkins
0:00:31 > 0:00:35what Sue Perkins is to Mel Giedroyc - it's Mel Giedroyc.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Hello. That's really sweet.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44And, a comedian who's been making people laugh for more than
0:00:44 > 0:00:48a quarter of a century. To put that in context, when he started,
0:00:48 > 0:00:51George Michael was straight, the Berlin Wall stood
0:00:51 > 0:00:55and David Mitchell's jacket was in fashion. It's Bob Mortimer.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Nothing wrong with it, nothing wrong with it.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03And on David Mitchell's team tonight, he's the star of sitcom
0:01:03 > 0:01:08Citizen Kahn, who came last when he appeared on Celebrity Mastermind.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12It's that disregard for humiliation that makes him perfect for our show.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14It's Adil Ray.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:16 > 0:01:21And he's a former member of Westlife who recently
0:01:21 > 0:01:23spent three weeks in the bush.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere but this is a family show,
0:01:26 > 0:01:29so work it out for yourselves. It's Kian Egan.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:31 > 0:01:35We begin, of course, with Round 1. It's Home Truths.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Our panellists each read out a statement from the card
0:01:38 > 0:01:39in front of them.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Now, to make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
0:01:42 > 0:01:45they've no idea what they'll be faced with
0:01:45 > 0:01:48and it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Mel, is first up tonight.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56I once licked David Bowie's cake...
0:01:56 > 0:01:59just to be close to him.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03- David?- I would have thought that was not a good way of being close to him,
0:02:03 > 0:02:07but that was a way of being forcibly removed from his presence.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11So, how did licking his cake bring you close to him?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Right. So, um, it was the 1980s.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I believe it was the year of the Glass Spider Tour.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21- Yeah.- I was working as a waitress...
0:02:21 > 0:02:23in a cocktail bar.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- No.- Not a Bowie song.- I was going to say, I'm no expert
0:02:27 > 0:02:29but that's not one of his.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- That much is true.- Right.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33APPLAUSE
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Thank you.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40- So, Mel if you were working as a waitress.- It wasn't a cocktail bar.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43It was a cappuccino bar, because it was the '80s.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45So I was working as a waitress in a cappuccino bar.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Hang on, was cappuccino popular in the '80s?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Yeah, they came in in the '80s, didn't they?
0:02:50 > 0:02:54They arrived in Port Talbot a week last Thursday.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59Anyway, I'm not quite good looking enough,
0:02:59 > 0:03:03slash slim enough to be serving at tables.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Oh, right.- Did they tell you this? Did they say,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10"I'm sorry, love, I can't have you serving the customers. I'm sorry."
0:03:10 > 0:03:13"We're going to have to hide you round the back making the froth."
0:03:13 > 0:03:14No, pretty...
0:03:14 > 0:03:20Pretty much I was a washer-upper in the aforementioned cappuccino bar.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Now, massive excitement one day. I'm in the back doing the washing up,
0:03:24 > 0:03:27the word is spreading like wildfire.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30"Bowie's in, Bowie's in, Bowie's in."
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- I saw him in profile, sitting... - How did you see him from the kitchen?
0:03:32 > 0:03:36..at the cappuccino bar. Because I could look through the door.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- You were allowed? - Occasionally.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40And all the customers went, "Ahhh!"
0:03:41 > 0:03:46And she was grabbed back in again and manacled. "Argh!"
0:03:47 > 0:03:51"Get back in the chocolate sprinkles bit!"
0:03:51 > 0:03:55So, Bowie had ordered, let's imagine, I think it was
0:03:55 > 0:03:57something like a sort of,
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- SINGSONG:- "A hot chocolate fudge slice, please."
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Or something like that.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- Can we get on to the licking? - Let's get on to the licking.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07It's like Friday night in my house.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11I thought, "I'm not going to get to say hello to him,
0:04:11 > 0:04:14"because I'm not allowed to go out front and serve the man,
0:04:14 > 0:04:18- "so what can I do just to feel that I have entered him..."- Oh, my God.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20.."in some way?"
0:04:20 > 0:04:25- I mean, just...- So, some of your DNA...- I'm part of him.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27..has been ingested by the great man.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Well, what sort of lick? Bearing in mind that this is very much
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- a family show, do the lick for us. - Plate.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37- Yeah.- Slice.- Yeah. - It would have been...
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I'll just try and get back in the zone.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41It would have just been a...
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- Like a little cat, like a little cat.- That's not what I imagined.
0:04:46 > 0:04:51- I thought you would go up and down it a couple of times.- No.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- Just a little, a polite lick. - Just a touch.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58It was full of homage and reverence for the great man.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01And then obviously it went out and I never saw him again.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05It wasn't long after that he was hospitalised, wasn't it?
0:05:05 > 0:05:09All right, David, what are you thinking, could this be true?
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Um. Well, it could be true, but...
0:05:12 > 0:05:15You know, she started off as a waitress then she became...
0:05:15 > 0:05:16A washer-upper.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19I think it sounds so absurd and she's been so random I think
0:05:19 > 0:05:21there's an element of truth to it, personally.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24So, what are you going to say, David? Is it truth or is it a lie?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Well, one or the other.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I think on balance it's a lie.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31You're going to say lie.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35So, Mel, licking David Bowie's cake, true or was it a lie?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37It is...
0:05:37 > 0:05:39a great fat true.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41APPLAUSE
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Sorry.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Yes, it's true, Mel did lick David Bowie's cake
0:05:46 > 0:05:50so she could feel closer to him. Bob, it's your turn.
0:05:50 > 0:05:56The police once ordered me to leave town - unspecified -
0:05:56 > 0:05:59because I was frightening the locals.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01David's team, what do you think?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Could you give us some context, Bob.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07Um, I'll give you the name of the town, it was Castle Douglas.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11- Ah.- Where is that? - South west Scotland.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16- And why were you in Castle Douglas? - Um...- Was it a tour or something?
0:06:16 > 0:06:19No, it was a long time ago. I was only um,
0:06:19 > 0:06:2317, 18, that kind of age. And er...
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- A numerical age, that kind.- Yeah.
0:06:26 > 0:06:33Rather than iron or bronze. That's a different kind of age.
0:06:33 > 0:06:38I was with two friends trying to get as close
0:06:38 > 0:06:40to the Gulf Stream as I possibly could.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44- What?- What do you mean you wanted to get close to the gulf stream?
0:06:44 > 0:06:48It seemed such an appealing, far off miraculous thing,
0:06:48 > 0:06:51this hot stream of water so near us,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54that it was hard to believe in it just from the text books.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59But it's not like a spa, it's a massive flow within the ocean.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- Yeah... - You can't see it.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Well, if you were at the Logan Botanical Gardens...
0:07:05 > 0:07:08There's a lovely view of the Gulf stream?
0:07:08 > 0:07:12No, no, but you can see the effects of the Gulf Stream, you know,
0:07:12 > 0:07:15it's like a tropical gardens and so in that way you sense
0:07:15 > 0:07:17the influence of the Gulf Stream.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19ROB LAUGHS
0:07:19 > 0:07:23I know all teenagers are absolutely mad on the Gulf Stream,
0:07:23 > 0:07:27they can't get enough of it and its effect.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31But that was one reason amongst many.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33But the police of Castle Douglas
0:07:33 > 0:07:36don't mind that teenagers all flock there
0:07:36 > 0:07:39to admire the effect of the Gulf stream.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43So, what was it that you did that, that put their noses out of joint?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45We scared the locals, apparently,
0:07:45 > 0:07:47because we were wearing very grotesque masks.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Why were you wearing masks?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52If you go to a gardens, why would you wear a mask?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Oh, well here's the thing.
0:07:55 > 0:07:56That's a perfect question.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Just before you answer it. Have a minute.
0:08:02 > 0:08:07We were travelling in a Morris Minor and we were sleeping in the car.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11There was three of us. There's me mate Harry Harryman, and Steve...
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Steve Steveyman.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17No. Steve, Bytheway.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20He was called Steve Bytheway.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22He was!
0:08:22 > 0:08:26- Steve by the way? As in "incidentally"?- Yes.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Anyway, we had these...
0:08:29 > 0:08:32You're wearing these masks. Why were you wearing these masks?
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Cos we didn't have anywhere to sleep and we were sleeping in the car.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- Right.- They'd been given us by Harry Harryman's mum.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Yeah? To keep us warm at night.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Because of the heat generated.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48- What, grotesque latex masks? - Yes.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51They were just old men masks but they were to keep us warm.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55Harry Harryman's mum sold this stuff from home
0:08:55 > 0:08:59and she sold another thing which was called a jobbletop, yeah?
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Which was a bobble hat that made it into a jumper and the bobble
0:09:03 > 0:09:06was at the back and it buttoned down the front and that was.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09I'm telling you now, if this is a lie, and they end up saying lie,
0:09:09 > 0:09:12I will say to you, "Why did you make it more difficult for yourself
0:09:12 > 0:09:15"by mentioning the joggletop?"
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Because I'm imagining my sleeping arrangements and thinking.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Yes, we had the latex masks on, and these giant, like,
0:09:21 > 0:09:25- they were called jobbletops. - Right.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28So, if you were in a sleeping mask and you're scaring the locals,
0:09:28 > 0:09:32like, normally the locals will be in bed when you're going to sleep,
0:09:32 > 0:09:34and it's dark and you're in your car
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- and you've got a scary mask on, you know?- No, we were just...
0:09:36 > 0:09:40- On our daytime drive from Dundee to Castle Douglas...- With masks on.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- ..as we went past people... - To keep your faces warm.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45..we were staring at 'em, with our scary masks on.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Why did you not remove, because I would say,
0:09:47 > 0:09:50from my experience of sleeping all night in a classic car
0:09:50 > 0:09:52in a Latex mask and a jobbletop
0:09:52 > 0:09:54that you'd get quite clammy.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59And so in many ways it's quite a relief to take the latex mask off
0:09:59 > 0:10:01for the next day's drive.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Not to mention how it helps being able to see where you're going.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08No, of course we take the masks off in the morning
0:10:08 > 0:10:13but then round about midday, you wanted to put it back on.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15At what point did the police get involved?
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Didn't the police get involved?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19We parked up in Castle Douglas, right next to a shop
0:10:19 > 0:10:22because we wanted to get one of their famous Scotch pies.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25As we came out of the shop I was grabbed by a policeman -
0:10:25 > 0:10:28and it was a sergeant, by the way.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Sergeant Bytheway?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33APPLAUSE
0:10:33 > 0:10:36So that's how you got away with it, you said,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- "Don't worry that's me dad." - Maybe it was.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42"I'm the sergeant by the way." "Daddy! Daddy!"
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- So, the sergeant...- By the way. - By the way.
0:10:47 > 0:10:52- He took me to the police station and...- He arrested you?
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Yes, taken and put in a room,
0:10:54 > 0:10:57and then the sergeant and a plain clothes detective came in.
0:10:57 > 0:11:02- Plain clothes detective? - The CID have now got involved.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05And then they said "You're going to have to wait here, we've sent for
0:11:05 > 0:11:08"a specialist from Edinburgh."
0:11:08 > 0:11:12And then, as we sat there, he came in and said,
0:11:12 > 0:11:15"Right, what's with the funny faces?"
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- They said,- SCOTTISH ACCENT: - "What's with the funny faces?"
0:11:17 > 0:11:21- So what did you say?- We explained what had happened, that we had
0:11:21 > 0:11:23these funny faces, that we slept in them
0:11:23 > 0:11:25and that we're terribly sorry to have caused any offence.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28So, presumably then they released you?
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Sergeant Bytheway followed us
0:11:32 > 0:11:34until we were out of the city limits.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37That's my story. It was quite a holiday.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- What do you think? - I know what I think.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43I think it's true.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- You think it's true?- Yeah. - That's not what I think.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50Kian, what do you think?
0:11:50 > 0:11:51I'm going to go untrue.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55OK, Kian's going untrue, Adil's going true. David?
0:11:55 > 0:11:57My initial reaction is it's a lie let's say it's a lie.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59You're saying it's a lie.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- Bob Mortimer.- Yes?
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Was that story true or was it a lie?
0:12:06 > 0:12:07It was...
0:12:07 > 0:12:09true.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11APPLAUSE
0:12:11 > 0:12:14No! No faith in me. That's twice now!
0:12:14 > 0:12:18Yes, it was true, the police did order Bob to leave town
0:12:18 > 0:12:22because he was frightening the locals.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Right, Kian is up next.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28The first time Westlife sang on Top Of The Pops, Louis Walsh
0:12:28 > 0:12:30made sure we stood up from our stools at the right time
0:12:30 > 0:12:33by hiding in the crowd and waving a banana above his head.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- Lee's team. - What song were you singing?
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- It was our first number one. - Which was?- Swear It Again.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- I know it, I'm just... I'm just.... - I'm sure you do.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47So, I'm imagining you're on a stool,
0:12:47 > 0:12:51- so you're doing a ballad.- Yes. All Westlife's songs are ballads, Lee.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Why did he not say to you,
0:12:52 > 0:12:56"When you get to a key word in the song, all stand up."
0:12:56 > 0:12:57Why could he not trust you to do it?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Don't you know that songs are extremely repetitive?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Oh, I know yours are. No, I'm sorry, sorry.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- That's what makes them work! - I'm joking, I'm joking.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08They were moving.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11I know! I'm a massive Westlife fan. I'm not in any way saying I wasn't.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14I'm saying why couldn't you stand up at the key word to the song?
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Oh, I see what you mean, cos you're saying the same words over and over.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Yeah. There's a certain point that he wanted us to do it, but like,
0:13:20 > 0:13:23I think the problem for us is, you know, you're so nervous
0:13:23 > 0:13:26you're on Top Of The Pops for the first time and we were number one.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29In Top Of The Pops world, I remember they always had
0:13:29 > 0:13:33really trendy people dancing to make the whole thing look sort of cool.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- Yeah.- Was Louis dressed trendily, did he fit in with the audience?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38- Was he dancing?- He would. He was, like, behind the cameras.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42He wouldn't be in front of the camera waving a banana, would he?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I thought he was in front of the camera waving a banana.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- No, no.- He wasn't doing that. - Because if everyone can see the cue
0:13:48 > 0:13:51you might as well shout, "Get off your stool!"
0:13:51 > 0:13:53That would do the same thing.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55But how did he cover it in case you were looking in the camera
0:13:55 > 0:13:58rather than looking behind the cameras?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00No, you can see a banana in your peripheral vision.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Look out to the back of the crowd, Bob.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05If someone was to hold up a banana, do you think you'd see it?
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Somebody is! - Somebody's doing it.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Stand up, stand up!
0:14:17 > 0:14:19- That's brilliant. - That is bizarre.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23Why don't we try and recreate the moment?
0:14:23 > 0:14:27Here's what would happen, the three of you would go out front...
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Out front?- ..and you'd lean.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I'm not wearing any trousers!
0:14:33 > 0:14:37And you'd lean on the desk, and when I wave my banana in the air
0:14:37 > 0:14:42you three will stand up together.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46One for you. One for you.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Enjoy it, David. Round to the front.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Come on, lads. I think I should be in the middle.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56No, by all means. Please, I will cede the captaincy.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58I did spend 14 years on the side, you know?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00At least I should be in the middle now.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03APPLAUSE
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Are you going to wave the banana?
0:15:05 > 0:15:09I'll tell you what, the girl who's got the banana can wave the banana.
0:15:09 > 0:15:14OK, here they are, a newly formed Westlife, with You Raise Me Up.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16SONG: You Raise Me Up
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- Watch out for the banana. - Yeah, I am doing.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23ALL: # You raise me up
0:15:23 > 0:15:26# So I could stand on mountains
0:15:28 > 0:15:30# You raise me up
0:15:30 > 0:15:36# To walk on stormy seas... #
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Well done, well done.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Beautiful.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Lee. What are you thinking? Was it true? Did Louis do that?
0:15:47 > 0:15:52- You know when you think "I'm not sure, we need to see it again."- Yes.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Afraid we don't have the time, what's it going to be? Truth or lie.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- Bob, what do you think? - Well, when I recorded my first shows
0:15:59 > 0:16:03I did on telly, my camera had a banana on it, so I knew what camera
0:16:03 > 0:16:06to look at, so I'm thinking maybe it's true.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- You think it might be true. Mel? - I think it's a lie.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- OK, it's going to be a lie. - You're going to say lie.- Lie.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- I'm worried now. Pressure. - OK, Kian. Truth or lie?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16It was, in fact...
0:16:16 > 0:16:17a lie.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20APPLAUSE
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Yes, it was a lie. Louis Walsh didn't tell Westlife
0:16:24 > 0:16:27when to stand up by waving his banana at them.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
0:16:30 > 0:16:32who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35This week, each of David's team will claim it's them
0:16:35 > 0:16:37that has the genuine connection to the guest
0:16:37 > 0:16:41and it's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43So, please welcome this week's special guest, Richard.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46APPLAUSE
0:16:50 > 0:16:54So, Adil what is Richard to you?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57This is Richard and we had spent an entire holiday hiding
0:16:57 > 0:17:02from an angry Greek man because we got lost at sea in his boat.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05OK. Kian, how do you know Richard?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08I know Richard because basically Richard out bid me
0:17:08 > 0:17:11at an auction for a waxwork of myself.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17And finally David, your relationship with Richard.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21This is Richard. He recently let me take control of his crusher,
0:17:21 > 0:17:24and destroy a car.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28So, there we are, Adil's boating buddy,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Kian's waxwork winner or David's car crusher.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- Lee, where do you want to start? - Kian.- Shoot.
0:17:34 > 0:17:40What were you doing bidding for your own waxwork?
0:17:40 > 0:17:47Well, put it this way, in my house back in Ireland I have a nice room
0:17:47 > 0:17:51full of trophies and awards and stuff and my waxwork
0:17:51 > 0:17:53was pretty decent. I thought, you know, why not?
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- Was it was it Madame Tussauds? - No.- What was the waxwork?
0:17:56 > 0:18:00It was a place called World Of Wax in Cork.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03As opposed to World of Cork in Wax.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Had you ever seen this waxwork before?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10We'd seen pictures of them online and stuff like that, you know.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12But aren't I right in saying that when you do a waxwork,
0:18:12 > 0:18:16- you model for them, actually. - Well, if you go to Madame Tussauds,
0:18:16 > 0:18:19that's what they do. But in the waxworks in...
0:18:19 > 0:18:22In Cork they just get a candle and a hammer and go...
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- IRISH ACCENT:- "Oh, jeez, that'll do, right.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28"Get me another big candle and a hammer."
0:18:28 > 0:18:31You haven't said why Richard was bidding against you.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33He was trying to get it for his mother.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- His mother. - Why his mother?
0:18:35 > 0:18:40- Cos his mother was a huge fan. - Right. And what price did it go for?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42I think about 3,500 in the end.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45£3,500?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47I'm not being rude but how much would you charge per day
0:18:47 > 0:18:51to go round to his mum's and just stand there?
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Because I reckon for two and a half grand
0:18:53 > 0:18:56he could have got the real thing for the day.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- Lee, who else do you want to question?- Adil.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02You're in Greece you're on holiday, whereabouts in Greece?
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- Um, Kavos.- In Kavos.- Yep.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- OK, and you rent a boat, do you? - Yeah, from the Greek man.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09- Right.- Yeah.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11- You go off, just the two of you. - No, there was two other guys.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Four of you in total.- Yeah. - MEL: What sort of boat was it?
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Um, a speed boat thing,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19that, you know, you go on holiday, you hire these speed boats.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20What went wrong?
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Well, um, the Greek man he told us not to go too far
0:19:24 > 0:19:27but, you know, being lads you're on holiday, you have a bit of a laugh,
0:19:27 > 0:19:30don't you? So, we were on the boat and we went as far as we can.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34- Out to sea?- Out to sea, past the buoys and all that.- What boys?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Not boys, buoys.
0:19:36 > 0:19:43So, we went out too far and um, we ran out of petrol, so, yeah.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46So, it's me and Richard and these two other guys,
0:19:46 > 0:19:50- we're on the...- Can we have names for the other guys?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Can't remember. They were Scousers. You know, Scousers.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- SCOUSE ACCENT: Terry and Barry. - Yeah, probably.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57So what happened? You eventually got back.
0:19:57 > 0:20:03Well, eventually. Pitch black. And then we got rescued by a fisherman.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07We got towed to the er, shore bit.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10And then we got there and the Greek man - the angry Greek man -
0:20:10 > 0:20:12was angry with us.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15We couldn't understand him, he just kept on doing this to us.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18That means your time's up, surely.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Lee, what about David's story? - Oh, yes, David.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23David, just remind us of your connection.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26I said that Richard let me take control of his crusher.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30- Oh, yeah.- And destroy a car. - Right. Where was this?
0:20:30 > 0:20:31It was in London.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34How did it come about that you were taking control of the crusher?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37I was walking along one of London's streets.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41And a football bounced out in front of me.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- Can you imagine that? - Yes.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45You do know you're not reading
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- the Bedtime Story on CBeebies, don't you?- Yeah, I know.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51You had a magical tone to your voice then, it was lovely to see.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53So, the ball has bounced out...
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Yeah, and I sort of looked at where this ball's come from
0:20:56 > 0:20:59and it's come from a sort of place where they crush cars,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02- you know, a breakers yard. - So did you have the pressure of,
0:21:02 > 0:21:05"Oh, no, I'm supposed to kick this back but I'll never be able
0:21:05 > 0:21:08"to do it. I'll pick it up and hand it to them on a cushion."
0:21:08 > 0:21:10No, no, I was keen to kick it back(!)
0:21:10 > 0:21:12No, of course not! Yes, I picked it up
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- because I thought I would present it back to them like a vase.- Well done.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Anything not to have to interact with it in a sporty way.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23And, at this point, Richard was wandering out of the breakers yard
0:21:23 > 0:21:26and I, you know, sort of, awkwardly hand him the ball.
0:21:26 > 0:21:32- And he recognises me from television. - Oh, big head.- Yeah.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36And him and his friends ask if they could have a photo with me,
0:21:36 > 0:21:40because of my fame. And, I think, beauty.
0:21:40 > 0:21:47And so they take a photo and, you know, all fine and then he says,
0:21:47 > 0:21:49"Would you like a go on the crusher?"
0:21:49 > 0:21:53And the reason he says this, he said,
0:21:53 > 0:21:58"It would be a good thing to say you'd done on Would I Lie To You?",
0:21:58 > 0:22:02and it occurred to me that he was right.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04And it's very easy.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08The car got plonked in and you press the crusher button.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- And what actually happens? - And it is just remarkable.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Is it just like Jaws?
0:22:12 > 0:22:16I don't mean the film. I mean, is it like that, is that how it works?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18- Yes, exactly.- That's an epic moment in your life. I agree that would be
0:22:18 > 0:22:21a big thing to be able to say. I'd remember it really clearly if it
0:22:21 > 0:22:24happened to me, I wouldn't even hesitate if I was asked
0:22:24 > 0:22:28the next question, I'd be able to say it straightaway, what kind of car was it?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30It was...it was a Citroen Picasso.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Right, and what colour was it?
0:22:33 > 0:22:34Green.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38There was something about the way he said that where your lips
0:22:38 > 0:22:41committed to it before your brain had.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43"Green."
0:22:43 > 0:22:47We need an answer here. Lee's team, is Richard
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Adil's boating buddy, Kian's waxwork winner,
0:22:51 > 0:22:53or David's car crusher?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- Look at Richard's face.- Yes. - He says many things, doesn't he?
0:22:56 > 0:23:00But what he doesn't say to me is car crusher.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Absolutely. I think he's Adil's friend.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06- You think he's Adil's friend based on?- They're neat, they're both neat.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09- They're neat.- Mel is going for Adil. Bob's going for?- Adil.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12We're going to have to go for Adil. I'm not going to argue with team.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Richard, would you please reveal your true identity.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19Hi, I'm Richard. Adil and I upset a Greek man
0:23:19 > 0:23:21when we got lost at sea in his boat.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24APPLAUSE
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Thank you very much, Richard.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Which brings us to our final round, Quick Fire Lies,
0:23:31 > 0:23:33and we start with...
0:23:35 > 0:23:37It is Lee.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40When my kids were younger, I designed a special system
0:23:40 > 0:23:43for remembering which Teletubby was which.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47David's team.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- OK.- Name the Teletubbies.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- Name the Teletubbies? - Yeah.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54All right. Right. You had...Kian -
0:23:54 > 0:23:55no, that's Westlife, hang on.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59Po, Laa-Laa,
0:23:59 > 0:24:03Tinky Winky, and Dipsy.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06And, Stuart Sutcliffe but he left before Ringo.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- Do you know what colours each of them are?- Oh, you...
0:24:11 > 0:24:13bet.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16You've got Po who is red.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Po is red, OK.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Yes. Er...Dipsy isn't.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24- Neither's Tinky Winky. - Tinky Winky.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26And I'll say the same about Laa-Laa.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29So this system for your kids was just to find out which one was red?
0:24:29 > 0:24:33No, Po was the red one, the green one is Dipsy, Laa-Laa is yellow.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35- And who have I missed? - Tinky Winky.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- Tinky Winky is like a purple. - But how would you know?
0:24:38 > 0:24:42How do you know that they're those colours? You said you had a system.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- I have got a system, do you want to know the system?- Yes.
0:24:44 > 0:24:49Right, Po, I remember as being like a postbox, so that's red.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Laa-Laa sounds like yellow - well, it doesn't
0:24:52 > 0:24:55but it sounds more like yellow than Po, Tinky Winky or Dipsy.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02Tinky Winky, I sort of have a visual picture of him.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06- A visual picture?- Yeah. Yeah, visual picture of him with his willy out,
0:25:06 > 0:25:10which I picture of him as his little Tinky Winky.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- Purple.- Urgent and purple.
0:25:13 > 0:25:18Dipsy sounds a bit like the deep sea, which is green.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21It isn't, it's usually blue, but the deep sea is definitely more green
0:25:21 > 0:25:24than it is purple, red or yellow.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27APPLAUSE
0:25:27 > 0:25:29I'm not sure about this willy thing
0:25:29 > 0:25:31cos you were teaching your kids, weren't you?
0:25:31 > 0:25:33No, I didn't say I was teaching my kids.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35There's one thing that my family never do,
0:25:35 > 0:25:38is we don't teach our kids anything.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41My father before me, his father before him.
0:25:41 > 0:25:46We haven't got where we are today by teaching each other things.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49No, this was to just help me remember because I would often
0:25:49 > 0:25:51say to the kids, "Pick Po up."
0:25:51 > 0:25:54And the kid would go, "Ha, loser, it's Laa-Laa."
0:25:54 > 0:25:57The tragedy of this moment is that as a result of this
0:25:57 > 0:26:00I will now remember the colours of the Teletubbies.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04- Thus proving the system works.- Yeah. You've certainly got a system now.
0:26:04 > 0:26:05I've got a system.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09I will remember Po is red, because of a postbox, Dipsy is green
0:26:09 > 0:26:12because it's like deep sea, which isn't green but might be,
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Tinky Winky's got an urgent purple member, Laa-Laa is yellow
0:26:15 > 0:26:19because it sounds more like yellow than the others even though
0:26:19 > 0:26:21none of them sound like yellow.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23I will never be able to forget that.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26I'm not saying he's a purple member.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29David, is the telling the truth?
0:26:29 > 0:26:31What do you think?
0:26:31 > 0:26:34You know, the thing that gets me is, like, of course
0:26:34 > 0:26:37the system's completely and utterly daft, but he's pretty daft,
0:26:37 > 0:26:43and, on top of that, he didn't get any of it wrong any time he said it.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47He may just know the colour of the Teletubbies.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Because I think the system, effective though it's proved to be,
0:26:51 > 0:26:57is just something he's invented. I think we've SEEN him invent it.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- Do you think it's true?- No, I don't think it is, I agree with you,
0:26:59 > 0:27:02I think he knows the colours of the Teletubbies because he probably has
0:27:02 > 0:27:06watched it with his kids but I don't think he actually has a system.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10- You think it's true.- Oh, no, let's not go down this road again.
0:27:10 > 0:27:15Well, basically I'm going with you, whatever.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17I'm just not good at this game.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21And I think if I go with you and it turns out you're wrong this time,
0:27:21 > 0:27:26the only time I go with you, then I'm just going to find that funny.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29I'm just going find it, you know, for like the very end,
0:27:29 > 0:27:34like it's gone beyond tragedy and you just laugh at death.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36So you're going to say lie.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Regardless of Kian. OK, you're saying a lie.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41They're saying it's a lie.
0:27:41 > 0:27:46- Lee, was it the truth or was it a lie?- It was, in fact...
0:27:46 > 0:27:47true.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50DAVID LAUGHS MANICALLY
0:27:55 > 0:27:59HE CONTINUES LAUGHING MANICALLY
0:28:06 > 0:28:09- Calm yourself. - I am so merry!
0:28:09 > 0:28:11KLAXON BLARES
0:28:11 > 0:28:14And that noise signals time is up, it's the end of the show,
0:28:14 > 0:28:18and I can reveal that Lee's team have won by five points to nil.
0:28:18 > 0:28:19APPLAUSE
0:28:19 > 0:28:22But it's not just a team game.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24My individual liar of the week this week is Bob Mortimer.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27APPLAUSE
0:28:27 > 0:28:30Yes, Bob Mortimer, who is what we call an excellent liar,
0:28:30 > 0:28:34or what estate agents call a beginner. Good night.