0:00:20 > 0:00:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:22 > 0:00:25Good evening. Welcome to Would I Lie To You?
0:00:25 > 0:00:28the show in which it pays to be economical with the truth.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32On Lee Mack's team tonight a man who recently received a prestigious
0:00:32 > 0:00:34award for slapstick comedy.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35It was a real pat on the back,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38followed by a kick up the bum and a pie in the face.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39It's Bob Mortimer.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43And a comedy actress,
0:00:43 > 0:00:47a comedy actress who collects vintage clothes for a hobby.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Have a look in David's wardrobe, you'll be in for a treat.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51It's Katherine Parkinson.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59And on David Mitchell's team tonight a sports fanatic
0:00:59 > 0:01:01and one of those finest BBC presenters.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Football, cricket, boxing -
0:01:03 > 0:01:05just three of the things she could beat me at.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07It's Gabby Logan.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11And wildlife expert,
0:01:11 > 0:01:15who is always on the lookout for strange and unusual species.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19So, if halfway through the show he throws a net over Lee, we'll know why.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20It's Steve Backshall.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26And we begin of course with Round 1 - Home Truths -
0:01:26 > 0:01:28where our panellists each read out
0:01:28 > 0:01:30a statement from the card in front of them.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Now, to make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
0:01:33 > 0:01:35they've no idea what they'll be faced with.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Gabby is first up tonight. Gabby, please reveal all.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46I once had to give Alan Hansen a piggyback across a muddy car park
0:01:46 > 0:01:49because he didn't want to ruin his new suede shoes.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Lee's team.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Who is Alan Hansen?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55LAUGHTER
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- He is, he WAS one of the... - Are you serious, by the way?
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- No.- Oh, OK.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06No, I, I think he's the handsome Thunderbird-y one.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Yes, that's right, yes.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- Where was this?- Old Trafford.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- That was the muddy field?- No, the car park outside of Old Trafford.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Oh, it was the car park of Old Trafford.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Yeah, it was a very wet typical kind of north west day...
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Let's not be northernist.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24The car park was actually flooded in some areas and quite wet
0:02:24 > 0:02:28and we'd had an evening match, it was an FA cup replay
0:02:28 > 0:02:31and he was joking about his shoes and I for a laugh said,
0:02:31 > 0:02:32"Just jump on."
0:02:32 > 0:02:34And how far?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36LAUGHTER
0:02:41 > 0:02:44How do you, how do you think I got to host Match of the Day?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47How far did you take it, him?
0:02:47 > 0:02:50It wasn't far, we'd just come out where the studio is
0:02:50 > 0:02:53and it was probably from here to that camera over there.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Mark Lawrenson said, "Oh, don't worry, Gabby'll give you a lift."
0:02:56 > 0:02:58and I said, "I will. I'm strong."
0:02:58 > 0:03:02So, Mark Lawrenson suggested it to Alan Hansen to jump on her back?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04- No, because... - Who is Mark Lawrenson?
0:03:04 > 0:03:09- Al said,- IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: - "Shall..." Oh, hang on a second. Al said, "Um..."
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Please don't start impressions because he will start.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13It's all I ask of you tonight.
0:03:13 > 0:03:18- Tell me Ronnie Corbett wasn't there. - AS ALAN HANSEN:- "Is it all right if I jump on your back, Gabby?"
0:03:18 > 0:03:22- Is that Mark Lawrenson or Alan Hansen?- That's Alan Hansen. - Right, OK.- Alan Hansen.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- And Mark Lawrenson went, - IN SCOUSE ACCENT:- "Eh, go on. Jump on her back!" and...
0:03:26 > 0:03:30You, you feel like you were there, don't you? You feel like you were with us.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- AS ALAN HANSEN:- If you're going to come here doing Alan Hansen,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36you've go to be absolutely sure you do Alan Hansen voice.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38HE SLURS HIS WORDS
0:03:38 > 0:03:41..can't understand what he's saying anyway.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Sorry. Rob, Rob - two words for you -
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Duncan Bannatyne, that's what you're doing.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- Alan Hansen is,- AS ALAN HANSEN: - "That is awful defending." - What?- "Awful defending."
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Who are you doing now? That's Harry Secombe.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- So, I still want to focus on the details.- OK.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Has Hansen in any way given you any warning or has he just lunged at your...
0:04:01 > 0:04:06To be fair, he did. He went, "Oh, she wouldn't be able to carry me." and that was a red rag to a bull.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- I just went, "Yes, I will." - It all just sounds awful.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12I know. Maybe, I don't know, I get used to that kind,
0:04:12 > 0:04:14those kinds of requests at work, you know.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21So, what do you think? Could she have done this?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Well, I mean I'm still not entirely sure who Alan Hansen is.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27I've got very confused with all these different impressions
0:04:27 > 0:04:29because they're all quite different.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32It's just the, Duncan Bannatyne, who always goes like that...
0:04:32 > 0:04:37- SLURRED SCOTTISH ACCENT: - "I do, I don't do this, doing it anyway after the, I'm out."
0:04:38 > 0:04:43- So, what are you going to say? - I wish Alan Hansen had a catchphrase that would have helped me.
0:04:43 > 0:04:48- He did.- AS ALAN HANSEN:- You'll never win anything with kids. - You'll never wear anything with kids?
0:04:48 > 0:04:50You'll never WIN anything with kids.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53That's a phrase you don't want to be taken out of context.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01- He was referring to Manchester United...- Oh, right.- ..who had very young...
0:05:01 > 0:05:02Who had children playing for them.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04All right, what's it going to be?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- I'm, I'm sure it's true. - You think it's true?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I don't think it's true. I, sorry.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13I just have this feeling deep inside that Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson
0:05:13 > 0:05:15don't speak to Gabby.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18LAUGHTER
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I just...
0:05:20 > 0:05:22I, er... That's...
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I know what you mean.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28I've been swayed now.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Since I don't know who any of these people are, maybe you should go with Bob.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- OK, Bob will take leadership... - OK.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38..and responsibility, as we say it is a lie.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42- So, Gabby, truth or lie? - It is tr...
0:05:42 > 0:05:43a lie.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- Oh.- Clever.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Yes, it's a lie.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Gabby didn't give Alan Hansen a piggyback across a muddy car park.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Bob, you're up next.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58As a teenager I used to terrorise my neighbourhood with a game
0:05:58 > 0:06:01I invented called Theft and Shrubbery.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05What were the rules of Theft and Shrubbery?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Can I first of all say my memories of this are a bit sketchy.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- Always handy for this game.- Yeah.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18No, but I mean, I'm an older gentleman, they're more like, you know,
0:06:18 > 0:06:21just fingerprints on an abandoned handrail.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24So, just barely existent.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Even while you poetically describe the aging process,
0:06:27 > 0:06:30another part of your brain is inventing the rules
0:06:30 > 0:06:32of a fictional game.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33- It's theft and shrubbery.- Yeah.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37It's a game that I played in my youth, in my teens,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40on the Lakes estate in Middlesbrough.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I would probably be 14 or 15.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46I hope that's all the information you need.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52So, the question is - is it true, or is it a lie?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- Do you have any recollection... - Don't push it, that will do.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- ..as to what this game involved? - Yes, of course.- Of course.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02In which case, I'm satisfied and there's no need to tell.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06What, what were the rules?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09There would have to be a gang of you,
0:07:09 > 0:07:13I would usually be with, Staver and Bagger.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18I didn't realise you knew Hobbits as a child.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Neil Overall, Gerry Dungaree's son, because he was...
0:07:24 > 0:07:27He didn't take his father's name?
0:07:27 > 0:07:31Hated him, hated him. So, and Gary Cheeseman would be there.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35The reason he was called Cheesy is because his mum used to give him a cheese...
0:07:35 > 0:07:39- Do you know the cheese slice?- Yeah. - ..to take out with him when we're hanging round the shops and that.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Cos she thought it was good for his spots.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44And she'd want him to put a cheese slice on.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Surely, it's because of his surname Cheeseman?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49No, no. That's, the thing!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52I mean, that was part of it?
0:07:52 > 0:07:57No, Gary Cheeseman was a big lad, yeah, had a very big head.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59A sniper's dream they used to call him.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Well, he's such a nice... The thing is, he's such a nice lad
0:08:07 > 0:08:09and he was a, he was a...
0:08:09 > 0:08:11I love these points in the show where we say,
0:08:11 > 0:08:15"Bob, let's all gather round the fireside,
0:08:15 > 0:08:18"you can tell us tales of your youth!"
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- So, the rules of the game. - Theft and shrubbery.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26- The rules of the game, Theft and... - Shrubbery.- ..Shrubbery...
0:08:26 > 0:08:27..were relatively simple.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31You had to creep into the back of someone's house and observe
0:08:31 > 0:08:34the family watching the telly or whatever they're doing, yeah.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- It's getting a bit sinister now, Bob.- Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, it's what we...
0:08:37 > 0:08:41- Is this, is this at night?- This is on the evening time, yeah. We...
0:08:41 > 0:08:44So, so the family is, as it were, back lit by the domestic lighting.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- Yes, it's beautiful.- Yeah.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50..and then you'd find one where the curtains were open... Yeah?
0:08:50 > 0:08:54..go to the rear of the garden and then you'd slowly walk towards
0:08:54 > 0:08:56the window... Right.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00..try not to disturb 'em and you'd chant increasingly,
0:09:00 > 0:09:03increasing the volume as you went,
0:09:03 > 0:09:06"We do beg your pardon...
0:09:07 > 0:09:10"..but we are in your garden."
0:09:10 > 0:09:11LAUGHTER
0:09:14 > 0:09:17And then you gradually get closer and closer to the window
0:09:17 > 0:09:22and as soon as you were seen, that's when shrubbery comes in.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Which was what?
0:09:24 > 0:09:28You were not allowed to escape via the front of the property,
0:09:28 > 0:09:30you had to go across all the fences.
0:09:30 > 0:09:35Cos you're a teenager, what you're really waiting for is someone to make a noise or give yourself away,
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- so that you all have to go run, run through all the gardens to... - That's the shrubbery part?
0:09:39 > 0:09:44- That's the shrubbery part. - What's the theft part?- The theft is, is, we just always felt that we were
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- stealing something from them. I don't know.- Their privacy.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Their privacy, their dignity.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52So, you're going up the garden, saying louder and louder,
0:09:52 > 0:09:55"We do beg your pardon, we are in your garden.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01- "We do beg your pardon, we are in your garden." till you're shouting it.- How, loud did you get?
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Elderly people who are hard of hearing, you probably go, SHOUTING "We do beg your pardon,
0:10:05 > 0:10:09"we are in your garden." before they notice it.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10Yeah.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15This game can't have lasted I'm imagining very long before people kind or rumbled you and...
0:10:15 > 0:10:17No, it was just one of the games, you know, that we did.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21It could be, Theft and Shrubbery night. There was another night
0:10:21 > 0:10:24where we used to take fruit from a fruit vendor's wagon
0:10:24 > 0:10:27and throw that up in the air and just let it drop on our heads.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29LAUGHTER
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Something tells me you played that quite a lot, Bob.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Next time, don't use melons.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Cheeseman was very good at it.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- So, what do you think, David? - Steve, what do you think? - My concern is the details
0:10:44 > 0:10:49are so utterly believable and sound like they're real, but if it wasn't actually a game
0:10:49 > 0:10:53he spent an awful lot of time looking through people's windows.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55I'm, I'm coming down on the side of true.
0:10:55 > 0:11:00Yeah, I know it sounds odd, but I just believe it.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01- You're going to say true.- Yep.
0:11:01 > 0:11:06OK. So, Theft and Shrubbery, Bob, truth or lie.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08I was telling...
0:11:08 > 0:11:10the truth.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12APPLAUSE
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
0:11:18 > 0:11:20who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23This week, each of David's team will claim it's them that has the genuine
0:11:23 > 0:11:27connection to the guest and it's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30So, please welcome this week's special guest, Miller.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40So, Steve, what is Miller to you?
0:11:40 > 0:11:44This is Miller, he presented me with a trophy after I rowed two miles
0:11:44 > 0:11:47down a river on an inflatable rhino.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Gabby, how do you know Miller?
0:11:51 > 0:11:55This is Miller and I know Miller because we often take
0:11:55 > 0:11:57one of my dogs flying.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02And finally, David, what's your relationship with Miller?
0:12:02 > 0:12:06This is Miller, I accidentally outbid him for a cuckoo clock
0:12:06 > 0:12:08when I sneezed at an auction.
0:12:10 > 0:12:15- Lee's team where do you want to start?- Shall we start with, who do you want to start with, Steve?- Yeah.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18So, just remind us again, because I'm confused with the words...
0:12:18 > 0:12:22So, he gave me a trophy after I rowed two miles down a river
0:12:22 > 0:12:24on an inflatable rhinoceros.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26What a man. Ah.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28LAUGHTER
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Katherine, did I ever tell you about the time I rowed down the river
0:12:31 > 0:12:33on a real rhinoceros?
0:12:34 > 0:12:37On its horn. Just saying.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Why have you kept in touch, Steve?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Ah, well we haven't.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Did you not like him?
0:12:43 > 0:12:48It takes place in Fort William in Scotland and I very rarely go there.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50And is this an annual event?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Yes, it's the river that runs down the side of Ben Nevis,
0:12:53 > 0:12:57which is a white water river and it's run on lilos usually.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02I've been on that river. Amazingly, I honeymooned very near there.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06- You weren't there at the time that this event was taking place? - No, but I know that that is true.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09That Fort William is near Ben Nevis, so that bit...
0:13:09 > 0:13:13This is the bit I'm worried about now because I need your help
0:13:13 > 0:13:16and so far you've gone, "Oh, this is true, there is a mountain."
0:13:18 > 0:13:23What's the such a big deal about Miller that he got to present the trophy?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26God, that's very aggressively put.
0:13:26 > 0:13:31- Yeah, what does Miller do?- The race the race is run to raise money for the Lochaber mountain rescue.
0:13:31 > 0:13:36- Not run, it's sailed. - It's PADDLED to raise money for the mountain rescue and...
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Ah, what a man.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Was everyone else on an inflatable animal?
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Everyone else was on lilos.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45As in the traditional - what I'm thinking of as a lilo is -
0:13:45 > 0:13:49- just like a bed that's inflatable. - Traditional what you sleep on when you go camping, yeah.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52So, it's a fun event where it's like the water equivalent of a fun run.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56You've got to try and stay on in a hostile environment
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- on a lilo that's not designed for it.- Exactly.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01So, why have you, why did you choose to do it a rhino?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I was going off script.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I went down to Toys R Us to try and get what I thought would be a -
0:14:06 > 0:14:10I wanted to get an inflatable T Rex but they didn't have one they just had a rhino.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14So, you're saying there's a great big Toys R Us next to Ben Nevis?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18That's not true. That's not true.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21All right, who are you going to move onto?
0:14:21 > 0:14:25OK, Gabby. Tell me again, something about dogs flying.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29So... Miller has his pilot's licence
0:14:29 > 0:14:33- and we take my dog flying occasionally.- We?
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- Me and Miller. - You two take the dog?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- Yes, Miller flies the plane. - And what do you do?
0:14:39 > 0:14:44- You're a passenger or are you learning to fly?- No, I... Not yet, I'm not learning to fly yet.
0:14:44 > 0:14:50- But, um...- That's instantly much more credible because I thought you meant that your dog flew on it's own.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54I'd already excluded you from this, but now I understand.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57It's not you who wants to go, it's the dog that wants to go, Gabby?
0:14:57 > 0:15:01No, initially I wanted to go. It was an accident the first time.
0:15:01 > 0:15:06We... he kept his light aircraft at an airfield and I had taken...
0:15:06 > 0:15:09I was taking the dog for a walk in a park nearby
0:15:09 > 0:15:13and basically I was supposed to meet my husband to hand the dog over.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15He'd got delayed and I turned up and I was about to say,
0:15:15 > 0:15:20I'm really sorry, it's not going to happen today, I've got the dog, and Miller's up for it and he said,
0:15:20 > 0:15:25- Just bring the dog with you.- Right, and...- And that was the first time. - So, what happened the second time?
0:15:25 > 0:15:29- Well, the dog just loved it. The dog, like, you know... - Did it tell you?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33When this man approached you with a plane nearby you just, you...
0:15:36 > 0:15:41..you were happy to assume he was a pilot that would take your dog up, did you?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43No, we, we pre-arranged the whole thing.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45I don't think you've told us the breed.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- Boxer.- Boxer.- Boxer. - Boxer's a big dog.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- Milo's a boxer. Yeah.- Big dog, a boxer. Does he wear a seatbelt?
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- Yes, but he doesn't, honestly he's so laid back...- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:15:53 > 0:15:58- He just kind of like sinks into the seat and...- He wears a seat belt? - Well, you strap him in...
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- I know how to put a seat belt on. - Are you are you sure he's not terrified?
0:16:01 > 0:16:04He's never peed himself on these little hops.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Yeah, but what about the boxer?
0:16:07 > 0:16:11OK. So, this is the bit now, it's the detail. It's the seat belt.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16- A dog in a seat belt.- A seat belt on, because the first time, because I didn't know if he'd react OK,
0:16:16 > 0:16:18so I being his, you know, his mummy. His...
0:16:18 > 0:16:23- No, you're not his mummy, Gabby. Either that or your husband is very ugly.- No, but in his...
0:16:24 > 0:16:29Final question. If there's a bit of turbulence, do you ever turn round to him and say,
0:16:29 > 0:16:30"Is it windy, Miller?"
0:16:30 > 0:16:33LAUGHTER
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Now, what about, what about David and the cuckoo clock?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Oh, wow. There you go.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45Well, I'd be interested to know what your accidental out bid was, for what amount?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48I think it was about £250.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52- And had you been bidding up to that point then stopped?- I had not, no.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- You'd not bid at all?- No.- What were you there for?
0:16:55 > 0:16:58I was there because my wife wanted to buy a dining room table.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01MFI was shut, was it?
0:17:01 > 0:17:05No, because, as you've had occasion to mention, Lee,
0:17:05 > 0:17:07I'm terribly, terribly posh.
0:17:08 > 0:17:13Right. And so you could feel it coming on as the bit, were you worried that this was going to...
0:17:13 > 0:17:17No, I wasn't. I didn't think this would happen. I think this is a ridiculous thing.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21If you'd told me beforehand would this happen, I'd say, no. I would never believe anything
0:17:21 > 0:17:23like that could happen.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25You'll have to convince us, we're struggling.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29I get hay fever at some times of the year and this was one of those times.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33You're not going end this story with, weirdly every time I sneeze, I hold up a number?
0:17:33 > 0:17:37I didn't hold up the number, I sort of had the number there,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- but I didn't hold it up. - What did you do then?
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- I, I sneezed.- Surely, if the system is you hold up a number,
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- at some point your hand must have come up, as well.- You're echoing my very words.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50That's what I said. Of course, it's a ridiculous situation.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54Someone sneezed, they just happen to have the number slightly visible
0:17:54 > 0:17:58and the auctioneer takes that as a bid. What sort of a system's that?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Let's have a quick re-enactment of the moment.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05I mean, you were at 230, 240, £240
0:18:05 > 0:18:08going to the gentleman in the nice soft crushed velvet...
0:18:08 > 0:18:10HE SNEEZES
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- £250...- What? No! What kind of system is this?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17How lovely that David Mitchell has bid for this
0:18:17 > 0:18:20and the money will go to a good home. Thank you, David.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Oh, no. Please, auctioneer... Oh, all right, I'll be quiet. This is so embarrassing.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27So, how did you make the connection with the Miller?
0:18:27 > 0:18:32Because I was aware that he'd made the penultimate bid, but I tiptoed
0:18:32 > 0:18:37- up to him afterwards and asked if he wanted to buy it for the... - For his last bid.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40..for his last bid. So, I would only have been...
0:18:40 > 0:18:43I think it'd been about a tenner less than I bid.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46But if you exploded like that, I don't believe you would have tiptoed.
0:18:46 > 0:18:51And I probably didn't actually tiptoe. I wasn't actually... I was probably resting on the heels
0:18:51 > 0:18:54of my feet. But I, I walked, what I thought was quite discreetly.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Although, I accidentally bought a couple of vases on the way.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02All right, we need an answer. So...
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Is Miller Steve's prize presenter,
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Gabby's pet pilot or David's clock collector?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Well, I believe that he gets hay fever, David,
0:19:12 > 0:19:14but none of the rest of it.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16- So, you believe the cool thing?- Yeah.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- So, Katherine you're saying it's not David?- I don't think it's David.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26I believe Steve's won trophies but none of the rest of it.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29So, I believe Gabby. I think that all sounds very true.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33- You believe she likes to take her boxer dog flying?- Yep.- With Miller.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- Yep.- I don't think you can take a dog on a plane, you know.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- You can take dogs on planes if you go through the correct channels. - Really?- You can.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43They sent a dog into space.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44They never got it back!
0:19:44 > 0:19:46They sent a dog into space!
0:19:46 > 0:19:50I don't believe Gabby's story, but I do think he looks like a pilot.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Now, you see, if we were to add looks, I would say,
0:19:53 > 0:19:55it's the only time I am going towards David.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59He looks like a man who's desperate for a cuckoo clock.
0:19:59 > 0:20:04- He looks like a man whose budgie recently died...- Mm. Aw.- ..and he's looking for some company.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Once an hour, but just for a split second.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- I'm with Gabby.- You think it's Gabby, you're saying...
0:20:13 > 0:20:17- I say Steve.- All three of us are agreed it's not David.- Yes.- Yep.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19We're going with Gabby and the flying.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22You're saying it's Gabby, it's the dog in the plane.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- Miller, would you please reveal your true identity.- OK, I'm Miller,
0:20:26 > 0:20:29I presented Steve with a trophy for riding down
0:20:29 > 0:20:32a river on an inflatable rhino!
0:20:32 > 0:20:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Yes, Miller gave Steve a trophy. Thank you, Miller.
0:20:38 > 0:20:43Which brings us to our final round Quick Fire Lies and we start with...
0:20:44 > 0:20:46It's Lee.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Last month, I was honoured to be made captain of my netball team.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54David.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56- How many players are there in a netball team?- What?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59How many players are there in a netball team?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01You didn't let me finish the sentence.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Last month, I was honoured to be made captain of my netball team.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Shortly afterwards I was sacked after I picked
0:21:07 > 0:21:08the wrong amount of players.
0:21:11 > 0:21:16- That was my problem, as captain I never knew. - I'm fairly sure it's a lie.- FIVE!
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- Five.- Five. Five, is that correct?- Five.- No, no.
0:21:19 > 0:21:24Go through the positions for me then, will you? Remind me again what they are.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35This is afterwards. Afterwards having a drink now.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37So, you play with two less than most other teams.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39That's why we were so good.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43I'll tell you what it was, there was quite a lot of players. I was, as captain,
0:21:43 > 0:21:47- I was getting people on and off all the time, and, er...- So, you lost track of how many were on.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49You had rolling subs, did you?
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Rolling subs, yeah. That was her name, that was her nickname anyway.
0:21:53 > 0:21:58She waddled on like that. Come on, let her have a go, old rolling subs.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02She got the nickname cos she'd eaten too many subways, sandwiches.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06- What's the name of the team?- Er... Well, I go by their, their initials.
0:22:06 > 0:22:11- One was called GK, one was, er... - What's the name of the overall team?
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Yeah, that's, that's what was on their overalls.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20No, it was, um, er... the...
0:22:20 > 0:22:24So, the team they were all women apart from myself because I'm a man.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28- A man's man.- So, it wasn't a men's netball team? It was a women's netball team with one man?
0:22:28 > 0:22:34- No, a women's netball team, but I was asked to be...- What position do you play?- I played the goal keeper.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- Ah.- Not the net keeper, that's the mistake I made.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- Is it not goal defence?- No, you have a goal keeper and a goal defence.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- Do you?- Hm, yes.- Thank God for that!
0:22:44 > 0:22:48I don't think we established the name of the team. They must have had a name.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52OK. So, basically I will, I will now come up with six names of girls.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- If you make me...- No, no, we don't want...- The team name.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- Team name.- I thought you meant names of the members of team.- No!
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Otherwise, we would have said what were the girls called. What is the team name?
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Like, there's the Surrey Storm. So, were these the Lee's ladies?
0:23:05 > 0:23:08I got it, it was the Surrey Storm.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14- The Surrey.- It wasn't, it was the... - It wasn't, that would be too much of a coincidence.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- It was Esher Ladies.- Esher Ladies?
0:23:17 > 0:23:20I was very strict about having to change the name to Esher.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23This is a curious turn of events, how did it come about?
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- My wife is in the team and... - So are you, remember.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30Well, I was only in it for a short period of time, I think you'll find.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Because this was only last month, so I've only just joined it, this is...
0:23:33 > 0:23:36You've been immediately made captain.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Listen, the first day I turned up here I was made captain what's the difference?
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Some of us just have a presence. I genuinely am not allowed on boats anymore
0:23:47 > 0:23:50because people keep pushing me at the front and say steer.
0:23:50 > 0:23:55You're allowed to have one, two, three... could you have seven men playing in the ladies league?
0:23:55 > 0:23:57No, you're thinking of the men's league.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02In this ladies league, how many men are permissible per team.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- Usually, under normal circumstances, zero.- Right.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- But they made an exception. - Did they not notice you were a man?
0:24:10 > 0:24:12The team loses every single week
0:24:12 > 0:24:15and they've become a bit of a joke in the Surrey's ladies league,
0:24:15 > 0:24:17so I turned up, they were a player short, and they said,
0:24:17 > 0:24:21look you know you're going to lose, you always lose, is there any chance
0:24:21 > 0:24:24at all we can just have my husband playing, as well? I went on and -
0:24:24 > 0:24:27I wouldn't have got on but rolling subs was feeling a bit sick.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30She'd had five that day, she was shovelling them in.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32"Oh, you go on, Lee. I'm having another one."
0:24:34 > 0:24:38And so I went on and they said - I think it was a little bit of a token thing -
0:24:38 > 0:24:43they said, let's make him captain cos of his large hands. Captain Large Hands they called me.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45So, what are you thinking, David? Is this true?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- What do you think? - It sounds remarkably untrue.
0:24:48 > 0:24:53- Do you think it happened?- No I, I don't think it happened at all. - I don't think it happened.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55You're going to say it's a lie, all right.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Goal keeper, truth or lie?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59It is in fact a lie.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05Yes, it's a lie. Lee is not the captain of a netball team.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Next.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09It's Katherine.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13No matter how hard I try, I can never properly pronounce the name
0:25:13 > 0:25:14Mick Huckernall.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20David's team.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24Well, um, you seemed to pronounce it perfectly there.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28I mean, it's similar to Mick Hucknall, but I'm...
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- With an E and an R in it.- Yeah.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34Well, I would I would pronounce Mick Huckernall as Mick Hucknall
0:25:34 > 0:25:36and Mick Hucknall I pronounce as Mick Huckernall.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38And that's the problem.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42The Simply Red singer. So, who's the singer with Simply Red?
0:25:42 > 0:25:43Mick Huckernall.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46You can say Mick Hucknall but not when you mean Mick Hucknall.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48That's right, yeah. When I say...
0:25:48 > 0:25:51What do you have to mean in order to say Mick Hucknall?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53- Mick Huckernall.- Right. OK.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57So, who is Mick Huckernall?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59I've never met...
0:25:59 > 0:26:03It's not a name one needs to say, unlike Mick Hucknall.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Well, to... When I say Mick Huckernall I mean Mick Hucknall.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10- But, I've never met a Mick Huckernall...- There you said, when you say Mick Huckernall
0:26:10 > 0:26:15- you mean Mick Hucknall.- That's right, it's a bit...- When you say Mick Hucknall, you mean Mick Huckernall.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19What you were saying is, when you say Mick Huckernall you mean Mick Huckernall, which means
0:26:19 > 0:26:24you can say Mick Huckernall to mean Mick Huckernall. So, you're fine. It's a lie.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32- But when I say Mick Hucknall to you...- Yeah.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33..pronouncing it correctly,
0:26:33 > 0:26:36I'm imagining it as spelt like Mick Huckernall.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38SHE GIGGLES
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Don't look at me, you're on your own!
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Are there other words you get completely wrong.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47There's things like, spontan-AYOUS.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52- I know I'm not pronouncing that in the correct way.- What are you actually trying to pronounce there?
0:26:52 > 0:26:57If something's a spontan-AYOUS event. Or, or... spontan-AYOUS combustion.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Why don't you try and say spontan-AYOUS and then you can explain to Gabby
0:27:00 > 0:27:02what you mean by spontan-AYOUS.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05No, I'm Spontan-AYOUS.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Spartacus.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13Were you relieved when Simply Red disbanded and stopped releasing albums?
0:27:13 > 0:27:18I was relieved and, you know, but it's a problem as an actress when you have to sort of read scripts
0:27:18 > 0:27:22- and, and, you can't, so I have to have them re-written. - Regularly have Mick Huckernall.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26You could concentrate on working in sort of classic theatre before...
0:27:26 > 0:27:32- because I don't think Shakespeare mentions Mick Hucknall...- No, no. - ..more than a couple of times.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35A script without his name in it though is SIMPLY read.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- So, what do you think, David? - What do you think?
0:27:43 > 0:27:48I think it has a ring of truth. I just can't imagine you having to say Mick Hucknall that often.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52- What do you think, Gabby?- She says Mick Hucknall so beautifully.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54I think you're through it -
0:27:54 > 0:27:57and it's great that you could share it tonight -
0:27:57 > 0:28:01but I think, if only in honour of Katherine's full recovery
0:28:01 > 0:28:04we have to say that it's a lie.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Oh, OK. Katherine, truth or lie?
0:28:07 > 0:28:09That was in fact, er...
0:28:09 > 0:28:11a lie.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15BUZZER
0:28:15 > 0:28:18Oh, that noise signals time is up, it's the end of the show.
0:28:18 > 0:28:22And I can reveal that David's team have won by four points to one.
0:28:22 > 0:28:23APPLAUSE
0:28:25 > 0:28:30But of course it's not just a team game and my individual Liar of the Week this week
0:28:30 > 0:28:32is Gabby Logan.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37Yes, Gabby Logan, a woman who could lie for England.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40Which is quite an achievement considering she's Welsh.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Good night.