0:00:00 > 0:00:03This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:03 > 0:00:07The British allotment - an oasis of peace and tranquillity,
0:00:07 > 0:00:09a place to nurture nature,
0:00:09 > 0:00:13to relax and escape from the stresses of a busy life.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15It's a little bit like a haven for me
0:00:15 > 0:00:19cos I write in here, I chill in here.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Except when it isn't like that.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25It's just them against me
0:00:25 > 0:00:26and it looks like I'm losing at the minute.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Like, it's sickening.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Too many strangers, too little land,
0:00:31 > 0:00:35too much time and too many sharp tools.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37It doesn't always bring out the best in people.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41If I had my way, I'd tar and feather 'em.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44These precious plots can become a blight on your life,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47a veritable thorn in your side.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50They can be places where your prize-winning vegetables
0:00:50 > 0:00:51can be viciously attacked.
0:00:51 > 0:00:56Places where battles are fought and friendships lost.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00We're not happy. We will get to the bottom of it and we will find out who's done it.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05All is not harmony in British allotments because...
0:01:05 > 0:01:07This year it's war.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21There are about 350,000 people with allotments in the UK today.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26City folk and serious gardeners who want a piece of land to tend.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Somewhere to grow their own food.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36But these cherished plots are often easy targets for troublemakers.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45- Welcome to Monk's Farm.- Yeah.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49Michelle has a problem. Her allotment shed has been broken into.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Five times.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54And it looks like it's the same intruder every time.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57An intruder with very particular tastes.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Right. Let's open this shed of doom.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05That's it.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10This is my lovely allotment shed.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11It's a bit like a haven for me
0:02:11 > 0:02:14cos I write in here, I chill in here.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17And it feels like my haven's been violated!
0:02:19 > 0:02:25Right. He comes through this way. There was a gigantic footprint there
0:02:25 > 0:02:27so I'm pretty sure he's a male.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Then usually what he does is make himself really comfortable.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35He puts on the kettle, he makes himself a cup of tea
0:02:35 > 0:02:36and he seems to follow a pattern.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41What makes me laugh is he actually tidies up after himself as he goes.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43After he makes his cup of tea,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45he lights my candles.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49For some reason, this one in particular
0:02:49 > 0:02:52and it really smells quite disgusting, but he likes it.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56So what I think he does is he has a little lay like that
0:02:56 > 0:03:00while he drinks his cup of tea in the candle light!
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I think he's tall. For one thing, being able to get in the window like that.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09He'd have to have quite long legs.
0:03:09 > 0:03:15If I had to liken him to someone then I'd say probably on the Tom Cruise line.
0:03:15 > 0:03:21But - or maybe even you know like Tom Hanks in Castaway?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24He starts off all fresh and nice
0:03:24 > 0:03:26and ends up looking like a shadow of himself.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Michelle's Tom Hanks lookalike may be living rough in the woods nearby.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35But Michelle has an ally to help protect her.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39It's her sister Sharon, who's the allotment site representative in charge of security.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44I bet you do!
0:03:50 > 0:03:52It's only a few days after the last break-in,
0:03:52 > 0:03:54and on her daily security patrol,
0:03:54 > 0:03:58Sharon hears that someone's been seen acting suspiciously
0:03:58 > 0:04:00just outside the allotments.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03I think he might be in the trees.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- What, literally?- Yes!
0:04:06 > 0:04:10'There's a tramp that's been seen in the vicinity
0:04:10 > 0:04:14'and we're going to go on a mission to see if we can see any evidence
0:04:14 > 0:04:18'that he's sleeping rough in the surrounding area.'
0:04:19 > 0:04:23This is the lengths we go to to defend our allotments.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Ooh, does that look like a camp?
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Look, there's a camp.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32It smells like perfume.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36Do you know what, he could have stolen that off someone's line
0:04:36 > 0:04:38cos it smells clean. Smell that.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Doesn't smell of urination.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Ooh, that bit does!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Some bloke just really creepily came out the trees.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58But he's walking very fast. Quick, run!
0:04:58 > 0:05:00THEY GIGGLE
0:05:08 > 0:05:10He's gone in a house there.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13He's delivering leaflets!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19He's a pizza boy. Sorry about that!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23But I still feel that he's close by.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40What's worse than defending your plot from outsiders?
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Defending it from insiders.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47Civil war amongst the potting sheds.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52It's spring. Time to plant.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55But there is mud-slinging amongst the plot-holders.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Life here may be run by an elected committee,
0:05:58 > 0:06:01but there is opposition to the way the site is being managed
0:06:01 > 0:06:06and, of course, it's the committee chairman who's on the receiving end.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12I came up here to find that somebody had removed the saddle
0:06:12 > 0:06:15and thrown it onto the plot with the screws.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18So I looked inside the shed
0:06:18 > 0:06:23and at first I had a good look around and there was nothing missing.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Everything was in its same place the night before,
0:06:26 > 0:06:29which puzzled me, really.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34But I did notice that one thing that was missing...
0:06:36 > 0:06:38..was Bill and Ben,
0:06:38 > 0:06:40which is a great favourite of Janet's
0:06:40 > 0:06:43and she was rather upset to see that they were missing.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46But as we bolted up with a new lock, et cetera,
0:06:46 > 0:06:49we went to the communal shed
0:06:49 > 0:06:52and we found these tucked away behind a down pipe.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56And the wife, Janet, loves Bill and Ben.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59She was quite upset to see them over there.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04So somebody's got a weird sense of humour.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08It's more or less a message to say, "If we want to get into your sheds, we can get into them."
0:07:08 > 0:07:11I think it's being spiteful, to be honest.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14We've had things going on here now for the past four years.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Vegetables being attacked.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20Whoever that is must be on this site
0:07:20 > 0:07:22to know exactly what plots to attack,
0:07:22 > 0:07:25what sheds to attack, and everything else.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28It's got to be somebody on here, and I'd put money on it.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Six other plot-holders were attacked at the same time
0:07:34 > 0:07:39and there's a suspicion that they weren't chosen entirely at random.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44This window had been taken out and the glass thrown over there somewhere.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47And shelving removed and scattered all over the place.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Nothing taken.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56They hadn't broken into everyone and swept through.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59They'd selected certain ones. Mine was one of them.
0:07:59 > 0:08:04We seem to have been targeted as people who were committee members.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09An allotment is a reflection... It's a microcosm of society.
0:08:09 > 0:08:15You get a lot of doers, but there's always a few people who are going to cause a problem.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30One of my water tanks was poisoned.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Somebody put weed killer in it.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36I came in one morning and watered three tomato plants
0:08:36 > 0:08:39as they were dry in the ground.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41The next day I came and they were dead.
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Which I'm not happy about.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Since the new chairman took over, a lot of people have been anti the chairman
0:08:50 > 0:08:52and he's had some of his crops damaged.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56We have a show every year in August.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01And it's only been people that are committee members that have had their vegetables damaged.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07Chairman Tony is what you might call a competitive gardener.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11This year he's after the coveted Best Vegetable in Show
0:09:11 > 0:09:14at the Torquay allotment-holders' annual competition.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20This year again, it's time for growing the stuff, planting it
0:09:20 > 0:09:22and getting it ready for the show.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I've got a lot of ambitions this year.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Unless somebody decides that they don't want me to win the competition.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49It's planting time in Newcastle, too,
0:09:49 > 0:09:52and Frank needs to plant his show vegetables now
0:09:52 > 0:09:56if he's going to win back the title of Master City Gardener of the Year.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I'm a very competitive animal.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07The Master Gardener. Well, I like to win it.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10I've won it three, maybe four times.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16This is one of my passions. I've done this since I was about seven years of age.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18To be Master City Gardener again,
0:10:18 > 0:10:24Frank needs to put up the very best display at the City Show in autumn.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26But this year, he has a problem.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28I like a challenge.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30I do. I like a challenge.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35But this business with the greenhouse was a challenge too far.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42I came down one Thursday night to actually water the plants
0:10:42 > 0:10:44and I was devastated
0:10:44 > 0:10:47because quite clearly the place had been burnt down.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48I lost everything.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Everything. Which has, in effect, put me a month behind.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56If you're growing for shows, that's a lot of time to try and catch up.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02That was a Pendle leek. But never mind.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10Things have happened in here for the last five years at this time of year.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14This is the second burn-out. The second one.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Last year, I had all my carrots weed-killed.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22If someone is that vindictive to do something like that,
0:11:22 > 0:11:23that's their loss, really.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27I'm going to just keep on going, regardless of what they do.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31I'm so passionate about showing that I will have produce
0:11:31 > 0:11:35and those people doing the Master Gardener, beware.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Michelle and Sharon did not find their intruder in the woods.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55But as the break-ins continue, they remain constantly vigilant.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Do you reckon that he can see us like now?
0:12:01 > 0:12:06I think that now and then if it is someone sleeping rough,
0:12:06 > 0:12:09over the field, there,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11every now and then he watches to see if we turn up.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Cos he knows when we've been here, there's going to be food here.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19So he knows what we look like, but he don't know what he looks like.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- Yeah.- I don't like that.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23It don't bother me. I think that's quite...
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- ..quite sexy, actually!- No, I don't!
0:12:25 > 0:12:30I need to know who he is, why he's breaking in,
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- and what his story is. - That's cos you're nosey!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37He gets in there and puts his foot on the side bit.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Can you get in that gap?
0:12:39 > 0:12:42I want to see how long his legs actually are.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43How tall do you think he is?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- Six foot.- Right. He's six foot. Now look at me.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Come on, then! Put your leg in.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Up you go!
0:12:55 > 0:12:58See - I can get in the window!
0:12:58 > 0:13:01All right. Perhaps he's short and fat, then!
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- Is it gonna take my weight when I get in?- Yes. Go on.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09See? I can do it.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I can't believe you did that.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- That just bust the six-foot theory! - There you go.
0:13:15 > 0:13:21So this six-foot-tall chiselled man that you've got in your illusion
0:13:21 > 0:13:26could now be a five-foot-four, fat, bald-headed tramp!
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Yeah. It's lost its appeal, really!
0:13:31 > 0:13:34I should leave him a message on there.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37"If you are the tramp, tick yes or no.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38"Do you look like Brad Pitt?"
0:13:38 > 0:13:41No, Tom Cruise.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44I'll leave him a yes box and a no box.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46"Are you hairy?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49"Yes or no?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51"Do you live in the park?"
0:13:52 > 0:13:55If he fills this out, I'm gonna wet myself laughing.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57I think that's quite a good start.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01"Please complete questions.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03"Thanks. Michelle
0:14:03 > 0:14:04"And Sharon."
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- Shall I put it where he comes in? - Yes.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10He won't miss it there.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15You're hard with a hammer, aren't you?
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Get in that, Tom Cruise!
0:14:18 > 0:14:20All secure.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29The Torquay committee is still under attack.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33And now Janet, the chairman's wife, has had her show plants targeted.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36I was gardening on the plot
0:14:36 > 0:14:40and Janet came up to me and said, "Have you seen the pansies?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43"All the prize pansies I were growing have vanished!"
0:14:43 > 0:14:46She said, "Have you put them anywhere?" I said, "No."
0:14:46 > 0:14:50She said, "They were there! But they're to be seen nowhere."
0:14:50 > 0:14:53And they'd been stolen. A whole tray. I mean,
0:14:53 > 0:14:56why Janet? Why my wife?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59If they want to pick on somebody, pick on me.
0:14:59 > 0:15:04If it's a case that they've got a grudge against me, come and tell me.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06But these people are cowards.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08They haven't got the guts to come and tell you.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11They're quite happy to go behind your back,
0:15:11 > 0:15:15create problems, steal your plants, damage your plants,
0:15:15 > 0:15:17and they think they're winning all the time.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20The answer is, yes they are winning at the moment,
0:15:20 > 0:15:23but there will come a time when it'll change.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29As well as dealing with the sabotage,
0:15:29 > 0:15:32the committee have also had to evict a plot-holder
0:15:32 > 0:15:36for not maintaining his sheds or cultivating his allotment.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Chairman Tony and committee member Bob
0:15:40 > 0:15:45are clearing out the evicted tenant's plot to make way for a new arrival.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Dear, oh dear, Bob.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53That's 13, 15, 16 years of rubbish.
0:15:53 > 0:15:5530 years, I think.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59He's been on the site for 34 years.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03It's been in such a state, I think it was time the gentleman went.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05The stuff that's in here!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13His tools can go down to the free bench, for anybody that wants them.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- Yeah.- And the same with the sprayers.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18There's an old bucket you can have, Bob. That must be an antique!
0:16:18 > 0:16:22That'll go with my antique watering can that I've got in the shed.
0:16:24 > 0:16:29But as they clear the shed, there's a formal complaint to the local police.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33At approximately 4.30 today I had a visit from a police officer
0:16:33 > 0:16:35from Devon and Cornwall police
0:16:35 > 0:16:39referencing an alleged theft from an ex-member's shed.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I've never, ever been in trouble with the police.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46And Bob's completely upset about it.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48He's really annoyed.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50And I'm not very happy with it, either.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Um, I'm a bit stronger willed than my wife.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58But she is very upset at the situation.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02This one thing is just like another thorn in our side.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06It's one more bit of trouble after another.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08We're trying to be happy there.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17More and more people dream of having an allotment.
0:17:17 > 0:17:22So nearly 100,000 gardeners are on waiting lists for plots across the UK.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27Getting back to basics and growing your own food is getting more popular.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Nearly half of today's plot-holders are women.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34And many newer allotmenteers are young.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37New people bring new ideas
0:17:37 > 0:17:40but they are not always welcome
0:17:40 > 0:17:42when old traditions are questioned.
0:17:50 > 0:17:5528-year-old teaching assistant Ben and his family tried for two years to get their plot.
0:17:55 > 0:18:00But it was in 2011 that Ben's war really began.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04I thought, when I was going to go to the allotment,
0:18:04 > 0:18:07it would be harmonious.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11I thought that it was going to be idyllic.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14And I suppose it turned out far from idyllic.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19One of my friends, he said to me when I got there,
0:18:19 > 0:18:21"It's not like Alan Titchmarsh here!"
0:18:24 > 0:18:26This is what I get chased off with.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34This area you can see is all my plot.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Over there, where I've just started weeding and turning over,
0:18:38 > 0:18:41is where the pumpkins go.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44It turned out that my soil was perfect for pumpkins.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50It used to be the old tipping ground of the people from surrounding areas.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54The committee said, "We're glad we've got you cos you're young
0:18:54 > 0:18:57"and you can use your energy
0:18:57 > 0:19:02"and none of us old farts would be able to do this."
0:19:02 > 0:19:07So I turned over the land, a back-breaking two months to do that.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11After the two months, I kind of just got exhausted.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17I just had to have that three weeks off.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22And when I went back, everywhere was two feet high in weeds.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25This is where the problem started.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27This was the first time that anything was said.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33The neighbours here, all on this side, everybody seems to be cool and nice.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36I've got along with everyone really well.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39It's just over yonder
0:19:39 > 0:19:41that they dwell.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46The committee, over on the dark side there,
0:19:46 > 0:19:49seems to be where they all congregate.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54I believe that once I'd got it cleaned up and done the hard work,
0:19:54 > 0:19:59the committee saw how, even though it was weeds that was growing,
0:19:59 > 0:20:01that things was growing rapidly fast.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Once they realised how fertile the land was,
0:20:04 > 0:20:08this is when they started suggesting that maybe it was too much for me.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Maybe I couldn't cope. Maybe they should give it to somebody else.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15The committee chair went public and informed the press
0:20:15 > 0:20:20that "Ben has been given every opportunity to keep his plot fit for purpose,
0:20:20 > 0:20:22"but he hasn't."
0:20:23 > 0:20:30I received a letter that said, "You are being evicted from the allotments in 28 days.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33"Start packing your stuff up and you're out."
0:20:33 > 0:20:35The council intervened
0:20:35 > 0:20:38and I got to keep my plot,
0:20:38 > 0:20:40which was great.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44I'll tell you it feels almost now at the minute
0:20:44 > 0:20:48like two antagonistic forces coming together in battle.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51I feel like I've come out on top and I've won this battle,
0:20:51 > 0:20:53but, as we all know,
0:20:53 > 0:20:57I've won the battle, but it feels like the war's only just begun, really.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10It's the wettest summer in 100 years.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Frank is behind with his crops.
0:21:13 > 0:21:18He's trying to catch up in time for the Master City Gardener competition in two months' time,
0:21:18 > 0:21:20but the site is flooded.
0:21:22 > 0:21:28We've had rain every day in the last two months, bar one day, I think.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30I mean, look at that!
0:21:32 > 0:21:35The constant rain attracts other deadly adversaries.
0:21:38 > 0:21:44Of course the slugs and the snails have absolutely wallowed in this. They think it's brilliant.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47There's been no restriction on them whatsoever.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51And that's the consequence. You know if you look at that,
0:21:51 > 0:21:55I've been picking these things all year,
0:21:55 > 0:21:59trying to save the plants and just getting absolutely nowhere.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Look. There they are.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Waiting poised. But not tonight, gentlemen.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Disgusting.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Look at that one. Look at that!
0:22:11 > 0:22:14It's absolutely skeletised, you know?
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I've lost the battle with the slugs this year.
0:22:19 > 0:22:24I could be evil, I suppose, and find my competitors and put them in their garden!
0:22:24 > 0:22:27But I'd never do that!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29That would be a bit harsh!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32We started with fire.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Then I was flooded. Two foot of water.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40Then bloomin' pestilence. So what comes next?
0:22:40 > 0:22:41Locusts?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Pillage? What? What's next?
0:22:44 > 0:22:48Heavens, it's Biblical, that's all I can say. It's Biblical.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54If the Newcastle slug and snail plague
0:22:54 > 0:22:57doesn't destroy Frank's chance to win the title of Master City Gardener,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59then there's someone else who might.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Last year's winner.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Well, I've got Master Gardener
0:23:08 > 0:23:11for two years in a row.
0:23:11 > 0:23:16I was quite chuffed with what I had achieved.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19I mean, it's satisfying when you win.
0:23:20 > 0:23:27To get a phone call from my daughter to tell us that we'd won the big one.
0:23:27 > 0:23:32My reaction was, "What big one?" and she said, "Well, you beat Frankie."
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Frank and Harry's plots are next to each other.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40But they don't discuss the competition.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42In fact, they don't discuss anything!
0:23:44 > 0:23:46I haven't spoken to Harry for two to three years.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I just ignore him. It's as simple as that, you know?
0:23:55 > 0:23:58And that'll never change, now. Never.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59You know? So...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01What could change that?
0:24:02 > 0:24:04An apology.
0:24:04 > 0:24:10I'm not going to fall over myself to speak to him.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15And he certainly will NEVER get an apology off me.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Frank and Harry were both committee members
0:24:21 > 0:24:26but fell out after an annual general meeting of plot-holders.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28I know what aggravated him.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32Because I said to a couple of ladies
0:24:32 > 0:24:35if there was a vote for committee members,
0:24:35 > 0:24:38don't vote for Frankie Lightfoot.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43I thought I was saying this in a light-hearted conversation.
0:24:47 > 0:24:52I discovered he'd been trying to tell people not to vote for me
0:24:52 > 0:24:57in any votings that take place in the annual general meeting.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Which I thought was a disgrace.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05And the comment about him wanting to know why people shouldn't vote for me
0:25:05 > 0:25:10and of course, my comment to him then was,
0:25:10 > 0:25:15"Because in the past you've promised to do so much and you end up by doing so little."
0:25:19 > 0:25:21I think he was very foolish about the whole thing.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23I can't see where it was getting him.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31I feel I need an apology from him.
0:25:31 > 0:25:37Because of his outburst at the, um, the meeting.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40I mean, there's no love lost between me and Frankie.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46After the confrontation at the meeting,
0:25:46 > 0:25:48they both resigned from the committee
0:25:48 > 0:25:50and they haven't spoken since.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Ben was nearly evicted in 2011.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08He did eventually win that battle.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15But a year later, Ben's war with his fellow gardeners is not over.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19"Your rent is now more than 28 days in arrears.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23"If we don't hear from you within the next seven days,
0:26:23 > 0:26:24"you will be deemed to have quit.
0:26:24 > 0:26:29"Should we not hear from you, we will reallocate your plot
0:26:29 > 0:26:33"as we have a waiting list of over 20 people waiting for allotments.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36"Regards, the Committee."
0:26:43 > 0:26:47Ben says that he tried to pay his rent before the deadline passed,
0:26:47 > 0:26:49but he couldn't get through.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51So he's in danger of being evicted.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Again.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Nope.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I was late with the payment.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01I didn't realise.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Last year, I paid in June.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07It doesn't matter. It's always been relaxed.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09That's not the issue.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11It's not money.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I've come here today to keep this allotment.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Well, here's the cabin.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Here's my money.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27It turns out they tried to evict me
0:27:27 > 0:27:29cos I owe them about £12.
0:27:31 > 0:27:36There's a sign saying, "All plot holders, rent and water rates are now due."
0:27:41 > 0:27:42Excuse me.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Is any of you a member of the committee?
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- No idea.- Are you a member of the committee?
0:27:50 > 0:27:55- I'm making no comment.- Can I just pay, anyway? I've got the money.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57- No.- No?
0:27:57 > 0:27:58No?
0:28:00 > 0:28:04There's a sign over there saying the rents are due.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06So I've got the money.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09DOG BARKS
0:28:09 > 0:28:11I'm just trying to pay.
0:28:21 > 0:28:22'I think it's just gone too far.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26'Can't they just let me live my life and grow a fucking pumpkin?'
0:28:26 > 0:28:30Why do these people... What fucking drives these people?
0:28:30 > 0:28:35I don't understand it. This is the thing. I don't get it.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Why would you do this?
0:28:39 > 0:28:43This is my land. All I want to do is get the pumpkins in.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46This one's gonna be the best one.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50It's the pumpkin of defiance!
0:28:51 > 0:28:53- Hello.- Hiya.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57This is our plot.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59It's my plot.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01They've given you the plot
0:29:01 > 0:29:05and they shouldn't have, really. Um...
0:29:05 > 0:29:09As far as I know, they've given it to us cos they said this plot had become available.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12They're trying to evict me for no real reason.
0:29:12 > 0:29:16We've paid for it. We were given it. We know nothing about this.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19It looks like what's decided is they'll give you my plot.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21As far as I'm concerned, they have absolutely no right
0:29:21 > 0:29:23to give my plot away.
0:29:23 > 0:29:25I'm a bit embarrassed, really.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28- It's a strange scenario. - What transpires, transpires. - It's embarrassing.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31- That's what it is. - I'm embarrassed as well.- Yeah.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37'I'm gonna say I'm not accepting that they can take it away
0:29:37 > 0:29:39'because it's not theirs to take away.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42'I'll speak to a different member of the committee.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44'I'm gonna make another attempt to pay.'
0:29:50 > 0:29:54I'm coming to take a stand and show them that I still want my allotment.
0:29:54 > 0:29:59I'm gonna drive past the hut where they all maybe are.
0:30:05 > 0:30:09I think they're all committee. They've locked the gate.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12If a plot holder has been evicted
0:30:12 > 0:30:14and then returns to the site,
0:30:14 > 0:30:17this could be seen as trespassing.
0:30:18 > 0:30:20All I want to do is speak to them
0:30:20 > 0:30:23and ask why they've done it like this.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28I don't know what you're planning. I'm scared. I want to go.
0:30:28 > 0:30:32You're not letting me go. You're keeping me hostage.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34I've come in peace and I'll go in peace.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37- MAN:- Peace? You've caused nothing but aggravation, stress and upset.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39'I was hoping to speak to one of the committee members.'
0:30:39 > 0:30:44'They went to the gates, locked me in, changed the locks.'
0:30:46 > 0:30:49I said, "Look, I've got to go and pick my son up from school.
0:30:49 > 0:30:53"Please let me go and I'll give you the key back."
0:30:53 > 0:30:55- If you let me go, I'll give you the key.- No.
0:30:55 > 0:31:00I need to go and get my son. You're keeping me against my will.
0:31:03 > 0:31:04What you're doing is illegal.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08- Trespass is illegal. - I'm trying to leave.
0:31:08 > 0:31:12I came to offer the money that it said on the letter that I owed.
0:31:13 > 0:31:17They've rang the police, but at the same time they're keeping me against my will.
0:31:23 > 0:31:26When the police came, I just said, "I've offered to give them the key."
0:31:26 > 0:31:30So I just passed it to the policeman and he peacefully took me out.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32I'm all right.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36Wow!
0:31:38 > 0:31:40I feel like I've been pushed around.
0:31:40 > 0:31:44I want to keep the allotment, but I don't want to go anywhere near those people.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46I think they're vile.
0:31:46 > 0:31:50It would be hard for me to be on that allotment with them.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53So I suppose I'll have to move on.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57I'll probably go to an allotment where there's a lot nicer people.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04# The man from Laramie... #
0:32:04 > 0:32:10Chairman Tony is no longer in danger of getting a criminal record.
0:32:10 > 0:32:16So he can now concentrate on winning the Best Vegetable trophy at the allotment-holders' annual show.
0:32:16 > 0:32:22The police have dropped their investigation of the disputed shed clearance
0:32:22 > 0:32:26and everything can now be removed to make the plot ready for a new tenant.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29Since your last visit,
0:32:29 > 0:32:32the police have told us that there will be no further -
0:32:32 > 0:32:34they're not looking into it any further.
0:32:34 > 0:32:37There will be no charges brought forward.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40Janet's over the moon. Janet's relaxed now.
0:32:40 > 0:32:46They've told us to just carry on and enjoy our gardening which we intend to do.
0:32:46 > 0:32:50But there was little time to enjoy any gardening.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52With the annual show just days away,
0:32:52 > 0:32:55someone has been at the committee members' vegetables.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59Basically, I've come down here
0:32:59 > 0:33:05and found the bins have been emptied of carrots.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09I suppose in the rush they missed these two and pulled them out.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11They didn't have any tops on.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13Don't know if there's anything else in here.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17- Why?- Precisely.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19What's the advantage?
0:33:19 > 0:33:23Unless somebody's trying to stop somebody winning points in the show. I don't know.
0:33:23 > 0:33:25Could be. Could be.
0:33:26 > 0:33:31Dear, oh dear. All for £1.50 first prize. Good Lord!
0:33:31 > 0:33:35They're very clever. They leave it till the last minute before the show
0:33:35 > 0:33:37where they know it's going to hit you harder.
0:33:37 > 0:33:42Gary and I were talking. He said, "They've all gone. Every single one of them."
0:33:43 > 0:33:48I rang him about ten o'clock or something last night, it might have been,
0:33:48 > 0:33:51and he answered the phone and I said, "Are you all right?"
0:33:51 > 0:33:53He said, "No, I'm not." I said, "What's wrong?"
0:33:53 > 0:33:55"Somebody's had my bloody carrots!"
0:33:55 > 0:33:59You look at the size of this site.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02Who's gonna know, almost to two foot square,
0:34:02 > 0:34:05- of carrots in a container like that? - That's right.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07- That's right.- Nobody.- Nobody.
0:34:07 > 0:34:10- Unless you knew where they were. - That's right.
0:34:20 > 0:34:24It's just two days until the Newcastle Master City Gardener competition.
0:34:24 > 0:34:26Frank and Harry are both hard at work.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29Separately.
0:34:29 > 0:34:32But there's one thing that Frank and Harry do agree on.
0:34:32 > 0:34:35It's been a very bad year for carrots.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Skip.
0:34:38 > 0:34:41Worst year ever.
0:34:41 > 0:34:43Bin. Bin. Bin.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47You've got desperation carrots here.
0:34:49 > 0:34:53Maybe I should do the smallest carrot varieties.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58No, they're just little tiddlers.
0:35:00 > 0:35:02A disaster.
0:35:03 > 0:35:08I've no doubt that's all you'll hear. "It's been a bad, bad year."
0:35:09 > 0:35:13Although they agree about the meteorological conditions,
0:35:13 > 0:35:17there are rumblings about whether Harry deserved the title of Master City Gardener last year.
0:35:19 > 0:35:21Last year was just a fluke.
0:35:21 > 0:35:23Because I got disqualified.
0:35:23 > 0:35:28I was told quite categorically that I should have won that.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33Well, Frankie maintained that he had been disqualified.
0:35:33 > 0:35:38The general opinion was that Frankie was not disqualified.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40He doesn't like getting beat
0:35:40 > 0:35:43and he does not take defeat graciously.
0:35:46 > 0:35:51Without sounding arrogant, I did think it was better than Harry's.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53But he won, for whatever reason.
0:35:55 > 0:35:59In the opinion of the judges,
0:35:59 > 0:36:02I beat him twice, fair and square.
0:36:11 > 0:36:13Since 1902,
0:36:13 > 0:36:16Newcastle's best growers have competed against each other
0:36:16 > 0:36:18at regional shows.
0:36:19 > 0:36:21At the city show for allotment holders,
0:36:21 > 0:36:27all eyes are on the competitors for the prestigious Master City Gardener's trophy.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30It's awarded for the best mixed display.
0:36:32 > 0:36:36Frank and Harry prepare to set up their displays for the judges,
0:36:36 > 0:36:39but even here they are forced to be neighbours.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41They're put right next to each other.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56What have I done with the rhubarb?
0:37:02 > 0:37:06After setting up side-by-side for an hour-and-a-half in silence,
0:37:06 > 0:37:09it's Harry who finally grasps the nettle.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12You need twice the width.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14We'd never fill it.
0:37:18 > 0:37:22I didn't think I'd have enough stuff, but now I'm looking at that space, I know I'll fill it.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Very surprised Harry spoke to me today. First time in three years.
0:37:41 > 0:37:43I don't know what that's about.
0:37:43 > 0:37:47Maybe he's decided to be on speaking terms. I don't know.
0:37:47 > 0:37:51Or it could be maybe because he's being filmed. Who knows?
0:37:53 > 0:37:56Well, I felt the need to talk to him
0:37:56 > 0:37:58was because of the close proximity.
0:38:10 > 0:38:13Beautifully displayed. The quality is very high.
0:38:13 > 0:38:16- Not a bad one there, that I can see. - No, I can't see any.
0:38:16 > 0:38:20- I'm not sure I like these snail shells.- I'm a bit uncertain about the snails!
0:38:21 > 0:38:27- I mean, it's an idea, but we've all seen too many snails this year! - You're right.
0:38:41 > 0:38:48The Champion City Gardener for 2012 is Frank Lightfoot.
0:38:52 > 0:38:55- Thank you.- Congratulations.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59- I've got to watch this now. - Yes, take it off.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01I always end up throwing it across the floor.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03- This is absolutely fab. - Thank you very much.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05Thanks a lot. Thank you.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13There's one thing I do know - I smile more than he does.
0:39:14 > 0:39:15He always looks miserable.
0:39:16 > 0:39:20He had a face like my backside when he was going back to his seat.
0:39:27 > 0:39:30Very pleased. Right. Excellent.
0:39:30 > 0:39:31Right. Good.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34Newcastle Championship Gardener.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36Back to where I belong, at the top of the pile.
0:39:36 > 0:39:37I think.
0:39:37 > 0:39:43Next year, I don't think that for one moment that we'll enter the Master Gardener.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48I just don't want to enter it because it's too much hassle!
0:39:50 > 0:39:53It's not because Frankie's won this year.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Next year, we're not entering.
0:40:04 > 0:40:07The Bexley shed burglar has broken in again.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09But he hasn't filled out the questionnaire.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12Michelle and Sharon are still trying to catch him.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15They have joined Plot Watch,
0:40:15 > 0:40:17a scheme to encourage tenants and residents
0:40:17 > 0:40:20to keep an eye on sites that are being attacked.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22THEY GIGGLE
0:40:22 > 0:40:28The Plot Watchers set up camp so they can secretly spy on Michelle's shed from a safe distance.
0:40:28 > 0:40:32We should switch off all the lights now and just sit there.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34And wait.
0:40:35 > 0:40:37Without being mouthy and loud.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40- Why are you looking at me when you say that?- Shh.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43PACKET RUSTLES LOUDLY
0:40:43 > 0:40:45LAUGHTER
0:40:45 > 0:40:49I think I just dropped some popcorn down me top!
0:40:50 > 0:40:53'My better half would like to cave his head in.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56'He sees it as my sanctuary.
0:40:56 > 0:41:00'Quite a few of the other halves are up here.
0:41:00 > 0:41:04'Because a lot of us are female, they see us as damsels in distress.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06'We definitely aren't damsels in distress.
0:41:06 > 0:41:10'But the idea was to catch him unawares
0:41:10 > 0:41:11'and give him what for.'
0:41:12 > 0:41:14What's the time?
0:41:14 > 0:41:17- About ten.- Ten o'clock, isn't it.
0:41:17 > 0:41:22I don't reckon it's too early. I reckon we're too noisy!
0:41:23 > 0:41:27I think we might, even just for ten minutes, turn everything off.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29I think we're quite funny, actually.
0:41:29 > 0:41:33- If anyone could see us, they must be thinking...- Divs.- Yeah.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36I bet he's just walked straight past!
0:41:36 > 0:41:40- Have you checked your shed in the last half hour?- No.
0:41:40 > 0:41:42He's probably in there having a cup of tea!
0:41:43 > 0:41:45If somebody does come, what would you do?
0:41:45 > 0:41:47We'd wrestle him to the ground...
0:41:48 > 0:41:50..put him in a head-lock,
0:41:50 > 0:41:51and then unmask him!
0:41:51 > 0:41:53Unmask him?
0:41:55 > 0:41:57We're being silly, now.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00Sharon, stop it.
0:42:00 > 0:42:01Shh! Shh!
0:42:01 > 0:42:03Did anyone just hear that gate?
0:42:03 > 0:42:05No.
0:42:05 > 0:42:07Did no-one hear that gate? Seriously?
0:42:07 > 0:42:10You're winding me up.
0:42:10 > 0:42:11I'm not.
0:42:23 > 0:42:25The lock was like that.
0:42:25 > 0:42:26I'm sure we put it on the outside.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29- It was tucked inside like that. - Like that.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31I wouldn't have put it like that.
0:42:33 > 0:42:39I've just put the chain up like that and put it like that, but it was moved over.
0:42:39 > 0:42:40So someone's pulled it out.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43I've just seen a tiny little light just go across.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51See anything?
0:42:51 > 0:42:55SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE
0:42:58 > 0:43:01Fucking hell! You scared the shit out of me, then!
0:43:01 > 0:43:03- It's him, look.- Tit!
0:43:05 > 0:43:10It turns out to be a local plot holder alerted by the suspicious crunching of crisps.
0:43:10 > 0:43:13We didn't hear you coming in the gate.
0:43:13 > 0:43:18- No, I tried to come in quietly. - You're stealthy, aren't you? I know!
0:43:18 > 0:43:22- I seen lights down there, lights across...- We've been patrolling.
0:43:22 > 0:43:25- I thought it was kids.- We've been patrolling for hours.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28- What for?- Cos we're under Plot Watch, aren't we?
0:43:28 > 0:43:33- What does that mean? - It's a new Neighbourhood Watch, but for allotments.
0:43:33 > 0:43:35- You must be crackers.- I know.
0:43:36 > 0:43:40I think it's time to go home to bed now.
0:43:40 > 0:43:42It's a shame that we didn't catch him out.
0:43:42 > 0:43:47Before you go, go and make sure there's a drop of milk in there for him!
0:43:47 > 0:43:49Better off in my shed tonight.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51There's loads in yours.
0:43:51 > 0:43:54If you can hear us, go in Sharon's shed. There's more stuff in there!
0:43:56 > 0:43:58Night-night, allotment.
0:44:06 > 0:44:08It's the day before the annual show
0:44:08 > 0:44:12and the Torquay carrot snatcher has not been apprehended.
0:44:13 > 0:44:15Tony and Janet are harvesting what they can.
0:44:15 > 0:44:19But thinking ahead is second nature to keen gardeners
0:44:19 > 0:44:23and Tony has a cunning plan to defeat the vegetable vandals.
0:44:24 > 0:44:28He has another plot in a top-secret location.
0:44:28 > 0:44:32He's been growing his best vegetables there.
0:44:32 > 0:44:35He calls it Plot X.
0:44:37 > 0:44:41'What I done this year is I found a plot which is miles from anywhere.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43'We'll call it Plot X.
0:44:43 > 0:44:46'Nobody knows where it is. It takes me a while to get there
0:44:46 > 0:44:49'but I know that when I go there
0:44:49 > 0:44:53'the stuff I plant in there, the water I use is perfectly safe
0:44:53 > 0:44:55'and I've got no problems.
0:44:55 > 0:44:59'Hopefully, the produce I grow on there this year
0:44:59 > 0:45:01'will be good enough for our show.'
0:45:07 > 0:45:11This is all in the life of allotments.
0:45:13 > 0:45:17Right. Today is the grand opening of our tubes
0:45:17 > 0:45:19with this gorgeous weather.
0:45:19 > 0:45:23And once they're out, if one can get them out,
0:45:23 > 0:45:26one has to see what's inside.
0:45:31 > 0:45:34Well, that's what it's all about.
0:45:35 > 0:45:38Weeks and weeks of waiting.
0:45:39 > 0:45:41And they're still here.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52Look at that!
0:45:52 > 0:45:54JANET CHUCKLES
0:45:54 > 0:45:57Well, this is going better than I expected.
0:45:58 > 0:46:01And nobody's sabotaged any of 'em.
0:46:01 > 0:46:07Once we've finished, we can go home, strip off, have a shower or bath.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11GLEEFUL LAUGHTER
0:46:15 > 0:46:17That's about 42 inches long.
0:46:19 > 0:46:21No bragging!
0:46:22 > 0:46:25All right, Janet. Just to feel the weight of that.
0:46:28 > 0:46:29Gosh!
0:46:30 > 0:46:33The show's tomorrow, so to the show we must go.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58Obviously grown in pipes.
0:46:58 > 0:47:00But lovely.
0:47:00 > 0:47:04Some of the best I've seen this year, actually.
0:47:04 > 0:47:06Best Veg in Show.
0:47:08 > 0:47:11I've got first on the carrots.
0:47:12 > 0:47:14I've got first on the two marrow.
0:47:14 > 0:47:18And first and second for the longest runner beans.
0:47:18 > 0:47:21Plot X is coming out champion.
0:47:21 > 0:47:24It goes to show if you can grow your stuff
0:47:24 > 0:47:28away from people that think they can just help themselves like in a supermarket,
0:47:28 > 0:47:33it's come up trumps. I'm chuffed to pieces.
0:47:38 > 0:47:41Could I call up Tony Mason, please?
0:47:41 > 0:47:45Because Tony has won the Best in Show Shield, Vegetable Section.
0:47:45 > 0:47:47- Well done, Tony. - Thank you very much.
0:47:47 > 0:47:50Oh, dear, I didn't expect any of this.
0:47:55 > 0:47:57Well, yeah, all the troubles, that's been a set-back.
0:47:57 > 0:48:01We found it very upsetting. That set us back quite a bit.
0:48:01 > 0:48:04Because you just lost interest for a little while
0:48:04 > 0:48:06and you didn't want to carry on, really.
0:48:06 > 0:48:11You do. Then you just pick yourself up, after a day like today, pick yourself up and carry on.
0:48:14 > 0:48:18The one thing we're going to do is go and have a nice hard drink.
0:48:18 > 0:48:23We'll probably have a Bourbon and Coke or a scotch on the rocks.
0:48:23 > 0:48:25And then we'll consider going to bed.
0:48:25 > 0:48:27- And that'll be the lot.- Yep.
0:49:11 > 0:49:14Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd