:00:00. > :00:07.Now it's time for an Inside Out special, featuring teacher
:00:08. > :00:10.Meg Williamson, who comes face to face with the driver responsible
:00:11. > :00:39.My boyfriend was killed last June on the A34. One car was travelling
:00:40. > :00:46.northbound. It was the southbound car that hit, smashed through the
:00:47. > :00:57.central reservation and hit Gavin head-on on the other side of the
:00:58. > :01:04.road. I was on the phone to my girlfriend at the time. I was scared
:01:05. > :01:11.of losing her and they were emotional calls. Shouting calls,
:01:12. > :01:16.emotional calls, raging calls, but shouldn't have been made that night.
:01:17. > :01:25.I will live with that forever and ever. At 24, Lewis Stratford is
:01:26. > :01:33.lucky to be alive. He never imagined his frantic calls to save his
:01:34. > :01:42.relationship would end a life. Gavin was an Australian through and
:01:43. > :01:51.through. He used to make me feel safe. We talked about holidays, we
:01:52. > :01:57.talked about potentially going out to Australia together. The plan is
:01:58. > :02:03.that we had were exciting. Something we were both really looking forward
:02:04. > :02:07.to. Gavin and school teacher Meg met when he moved to Swindon. His work
:02:08. > :02:12.as an electrical engineer involved long shifts on the railways. He was
:02:13. > :02:18.working on the electric occasion of the railway and he would work nights
:02:19. > :02:23.mostly. And then just before the accident it was his last night shift
:02:24. > :02:28.and he was due to work days in the office, so he wouldn't be making any
:02:29. > :02:41.will late-night journeys. He was on his way to work. And then he was
:02:42. > :02:47.about six miles or so from work and just didn't make it.
:02:48. > :02:57.I don't remember the incident. My only memory of any of it, which I
:02:58. > :03:05.don't want to remember it, but I can't remember any of it. In
:03:06. > :03:09.Swindon, Meg was woken by a call from a friend, telling her that
:03:10. > :03:16.Gavin had been in an accident. I got the hospital just after 8am and he
:03:17. > :03:21.was just completely connected with tubes and monitors and I just
:03:22. > :03:29.remember sitting next to him, begging him, praying for him to wake
:03:30. > :03:38.up. I'd give anything to swap places with him. Lewis was rushed to the
:03:39. > :03:43.same hospital. Doctors told his family to prepare for the worst. I
:03:44. > :03:47.read letters that were sent from the hospital to my GP that night and it
:03:48. > :03:52.said that I would probably deteriorate through the night. The
:03:53. > :03:59.doctor told my family that I had a 70% chance of dying that night. But
:04:00. > :04:04.Gavin's family and Meg the news was even worse. The consultant came into
:04:05. > :04:10.the room and told them that there was nothing they could do and I just
:04:11. > :04:16.remember my legs completely giving in.
:04:17. > :04:28.I remember my mum grabbing hold of me... And walking me through the
:04:29. > :04:32.intensive care unit and it genuinely felt like a dream. It felt like I
:04:33. > :04:36.was watching it happen to somebody else.
:04:37. > :04:42.And as I stood up, I kissed him on his forehead and told him it was OK
:04:43. > :05:04.to go. I told him not to be scared. And
:05:05. > :05:07.that he could still look after me. Lewis wasn't told Gavin had died
:05:08. > :05:17.until after he was discharged from hospital. He sat me down and just
:05:18. > :05:24.talk me everything. I cried. We were all in tears. I didn't want to get
:05:25. > :05:32.better. I was like... I didn't want the physio, the treatments. I didn't
:05:33. > :05:37.care about my injuries. Lewis has already pleaded guilty to causing
:05:38. > :05:42.Gavin's death by dangerous driving. Now Meg has asked to meet him. I
:05:43. > :05:46.want to ask what possessed him to pick up his mobile phone behind the
:05:47. > :05:52.wheel. I want to know how he's feeling now, how it might affect him
:05:53. > :05:58.and to let him know how I'm feeling, Hal Gavin's family feeling, what
:05:59. > :06:06.we've had to go through. When I had the message that she wanted to meet
:06:07. > :06:12.me, I felt upset because I'm guilty and I feel like I'm a bad person,
:06:13. > :06:22.like I'm hated everywhere and I thought she would hate me and I was
:06:23. > :06:27.just... I felt, um, why would she want to stare at a murderer? Meeting
:06:28. > :06:32.will clearly be tough for both of them. Do you know what the first
:06:33. > :06:36.thing you will say to Lewis might be? We thought about that? And
:06:37. > :06:44.hoping he is going to start the conversation. -- I'm hoping.
:06:45. > :07:20.I'm really nervous. Scared. Shaky. I can't keep still at the minute.
:07:21. > :07:27.Playing with my kind of elastic band to try to focus my mind a little
:07:28. > :07:32.bit. Just how he's going to react when he first sees me. I suppose how
:07:33. > :07:37.I'm going to react as well. I going to freak out, or be able to just sit
:07:38. > :07:42.down and have a normal conversation with him. And also what questions
:07:43. > :07:58.I'm going to ask him, because I don't want to miss anything out.
:07:59. > :08:06.I think I'm thinking about how he's feeling. Not so much what he's done,
:08:07. > :08:15.but how is he feeling seeing me so close and knowing that I'm going to
:08:16. > :08:17.be asking him the questions? Yeah, I don't know, it is so difficult to
:08:18. > :09:13.describe. I know I've caused a lot of pain for
:09:14. > :09:32.a lot of people. It's something that will stay with
:09:33. > :09:37.me. I know what I've done. The lives of ruined, yeah. I've ruined a lot
:09:38. > :09:40.of people's lives, happiness. And I deserve everything I get from
:09:41. > :09:53.whatever comes now. Hate, anger... I am sorry, but I can't keep saying
:09:54. > :10:02.sorry, because I know you don't want to hear. So we won't -- sorry won't
:10:03. > :10:10.make anything better, ever. What were you arguing with the
:10:11. > :10:20.ex-girlfriend about? She was due to come up to me on the Friday night,
:10:21. > :10:28.but she said no and then we was arguing all day Saturday. We were
:10:29. > :10:38.going to leave it until the Sunday. I got in the Saturday night and I
:10:39. > :10:45.just drove down, angrily. She was on the phone as the crash happened. She
:10:46. > :10:51.said she heard scraping and brakes screeching. And obviously the impact
:10:52. > :10:57.was quite loud, she said. She said it was quite loud. He was just
:10:58. > :11:04.minding his own business that night. That's what I think about all the
:11:05. > :11:14.time, what he must have seen. I don't know. Just who was going to
:11:15. > :11:16.work. He was probably just going to work and it just makes me feel
:11:17. > :11:29.horrible. Before the crash, Lewis worked as a
:11:30. > :11:40.painter and decorator. Life revolved around family and friends. I'm just
:11:41. > :11:45.a normal 24-year-old guy who just works, lives at home with his
:11:46. > :11:54.parents, can't afford a place on his own yet. I'm nothing special.
:11:55. > :12:07.I've lived here for nearly 20 years with my family, grown up around this
:12:08. > :12:11.area. I used to play football on the fields over there with friends. This
:12:12. > :12:18.is the way I walked to the foot all match. -- football. This is the
:12:19. > :12:33.stadium, the way we walk in. It's usually obviously easier than it is
:12:34. > :12:38.now. -- busier. My grandad likes to keep quiet, so we sit with him in
:12:39. > :12:45.the South Stand and keep him happy. He brings the sweets. This is where
:12:46. > :12:53.we go into our seats. You can go in any of them, really, but we tend to
:12:54. > :13:03.use three and four. That leaves us out onto our seats, front row. It's
:13:04. > :13:10.a good thing. -- seat. If someone gets convicted of a crime, or an
:13:11. > :13:13.offence, you know you get to see what that person is like. -- you
:13:14. > :13:22.never get to see. What background that got. Everyone assumes that
:13:23. > :13:26.they're bad. I went to work five days with, came home, made dinner,
:13:27. > :13:32.played dark in the week came to foot or on the weekend. Love the family,
:13:33. > :13:41.love friends, I've obviously lost by job, lost my car, I've ruined lives.
:13:42. > :13:49.You don't know what's around the corner. You don't know what's coming
:13:50. > :13:52.tomorrow. Knowing how much Gavin met the others is comforting for Meg.
:13:53. > :14:06.Today she is meeting his workmates. Gavin was definitely amazing. He was
:14:07. > :14:11.really, really good at his work. He was one of the ones that, you know,
:14:12. > :14:14.you can depend on. It is rare that you see a high level engineer with
:14:15. > :14:19.such a good sense of humour, you know. He was a funny guy. One of the
:14:20. > :14:23.best guys I have ever worked with. This is one of the engineering
:14:24. > :14:27.trains that was named after Gavin in his honour and it is so special
:14:28. > :14:33.because it is one of the only trains that have been named after somebody
:14:34. > :14:38.in the last 100 years. It is so important for me to be able to
:14:39. > :14:42.remember him by what he used to love and the job that he did and how much
:14:43. > :14:47.of a difference it was making. I can't stop on the A34, I can't pull
:14:48. > :14:50.over to one side and remember him and see where it all happened. I lay
:14:51. > :14:55.flowers shortly after the accident with a police escort, right just to
:14:56. > :15:01.be able to pass by this engineering train and smile is enough to meet a
:15:02. > :15:11.kind of feel something and be happy that he is close by.
:15:12. > :15:17.I just felt like I hadn't done it, I was like, and my capable of
:15:18. > :15:22.something like that? I didn't think I was going to be... I couldn't
:15:23. > :15:32.believe that I could have done it, but I had, and I have to accept it
:15:33. > :15:44.and... Face it. What injuries did they tell you that he had? I don't
:15:45. > :15:57.want to like Tomago on about it, 'cause... He had a stint fitted in
:15:58. > :16:02.the aorta and some internal injuries, they had to put me in a
:16:03. > :16:11.coma to keep me breathing because my levels were quite squashed. My
:16:12. > :16:16.auntie told me that I took my oxygen mask off and I said to her, it was
:16:17. > :16:21.my fault, it was my fault, and they didn't tell me what happened. But I
:16:22. > :16:29.knew I was in trouble. Because the police were bringing my stuff from
:16:30. > :16:44.my car and the bags and... Are you angry at me? A little bit. Yeah. But
:16:45. > :16:50.then so many people do it, so many people. It was a stupid mistake. I
:16:51. > :16:56.don't want to hate you for ever. I am not that type of person. And
:16:57. > :17:10.eventually I will probably be able to forgive you. But I just needed
:17:11. > :17:14.some questions answering first. To be honest, I expected to hate and
:17:15. > :17:20.abuse. I don't know what you like. I don't know. I expect it from anyone
:17:21. > :17:24.who sees me on the street -- you're. If they want to have a go, I will
:17:25. > :17:34.listen and accept anything that people want to say. Like, I was
:17:35. > :17:39.scared to meet you. So, you've got all your stuff together that you
:17:40. > :17:44.need? IM going to go over it again. As a first-time offender, prison is
:17:45. > :17:47.a daunting prospect for Lewis, so he and his stepmum have been looking at
:17:48. > :17:56.what he needs to take with him. Steps. Comfortable shoes, cash. I
:17:57. > :18:00.feel like I have been kept here to pay for this. Have you got all your
:18:01. > :18:04.toiletries and everything? I feel like I have been kept here to pay
:18:05. > :18:12.for the mistake I have made and punished, really. My dad, grandad in
:18:13. > :18:18.the middle, FA Cup, and me with the Premier League. While Fatal
:18:19. > :18:22.Distraction Paxman and toes of the family he will be leaving behind,
:18:23. > :18:31.Gavin is never are from his thoughts -- mementos. I feel like I know him.
:18:32. > :18:40.I feel like I met him. Tell me about those dreams. Just being in the car,
:18:41. > :18:47.raining, it was just darkness in the car. His face, his picture, is just
:18:48. > :19:02.there. Do you think that will ever leave you? No. What do you think the
:19:03. > :19:14.public's perception of you is? Um, murderer, stupid idiot. I accept a
:19:15. > :19:20.stupid idiot. I am not a murderer. That is what I am coming. I won't
:19:21. > :19:34.accept. Because I didn't mean it. And I didn't mean to end his life. I
:19:35. > :19:38.was so angry, so angry. And it was Gavin's mum, really, that showed the
:19:39. > :19:42.compassion and said that we have to remember there are other people
:19:43. > :19:49.involved. And at that point it was more of a realisation for me that
:19:50. > :19:56.somebody's stupid mistake has caused something so traumatic for so many
:19:57. > :20:03.people. After the accident, Meg took solace in writing down all other
:20:04. > :20:09.thoughts from the time with Gavin. This was not our future. We had
:20:10. > :20:14.plans, Paris, Brugge, northern lights, Australia, graduation. I
:20:15. > :20:21.wrote to him every day. I filled a book with letters and notes just so
:20:22. > :20:26.that he knew what I was up to, what I was doing, what I was thinking
:20:27. > :20:31.about. You say you wrote to him, was that while he was here, or after he
:20:32. > :20:37.had passed away? No, I wrote him once he had passed away. It was
:20:38. > :20:45.easier for me to talk to him like that. Why is it so important to you
:20:46. > :20:57.to have this box of memories? I guess because I'm scared I'm going
:20:58. > :21:02.to forget him. You start to have days where life
:21:03. > :21:12.feels normal and then you feel guilty because you're still here.
:21:13. > :21:21.And I've been suffering really badly with my anxiety. Getting onto that
:21:22. > :21:28.road is really difficult, but I have sisters that travel on it, friends
:21:29. > :21:36.that travel on it every single day. So, it probably adds to my worry. I
:21:37. > :21:42.think I am more conscious when I'm driving mostly of other drivers on
:21:43. > :21:48.the road now, and if they are on their own, you know, I just think
:21:49. > :21:51.that they don't realise. And a lot of people just don't care because
:21:52. > :21:58.they don't think it is going to happen to them. No one thinks it
:21:59. > :22:06.happens to them. And they shouldn't take something like this for them to
:22:07. > :22:12.think, like Tom O, let's not be on the phone, people should know
:22:13. > :22:15.before. -- like, let's not be on the phone. I learnt the hard way, but he
:22:16. > :22:32.shouldn't have to be this way. So, what now going forwards, what
:22:33. > :22:38.happens? Every time I look at my phone, I don't want to... I look at
:22:39. > :22:47.this phone and I'm thinking, I don't want to answer it every time... And
:22:48. > :22:58.if I could live without a phone, I would, I wouldn't use one again. I
:22:59. > :23:02.will never drive again, ever. What would you say to somebody who is
:23:03. > :23:07.going to pick up their phone behind the wheel today without even
:23:08. > :23:15.thinking about it? Don't do it, 'cause picking up a phone, no matter
:23:16. > :23:23.how nice or good you are, accidents like this can happen to anyone on
:23:24. > :23:28.the road by using a phone. Something I've got to learn for, something
:23:29. > :23:33.I've got to pay a price for, and I will learn from it. Thank you for
:23:34. > :23:41.agreeing to meet me and answering my questions. I know it has been hard.
:23:42. > :23:47.I just want you to know that I am sorry. Like, when people hear about
:23:48. > :23:52.this, they assume automatically that I am some person that hasn't got on
:23:53. > :23:59.with life and just people that has caused trouble day in and day out. I
:24:00. > :24:03.know what I am like. I have been brought up. I have no bad
:24:04. > :24:06.upbringing. I have no excuse for what has happened. I just want to
:24:07. > :24:15.say sorry for everything and thanks for making me, yeah. -- meeting me.
:24:16. > :24:23.At the end of a gruelling 50 minutes together, Meg get some fresh air,
:24:24. > :24:29.leaving Lewis to reflect on the meeting. It is hard to get across to
:24:30. > :24:36.her how sorry I am, because something so tragic has happened
:24:37. > :24:40.like this, sorry is not enough. And I said that it was a cheap way
:24:41. > :24:44.really just to keep saying sorry. There is no other way that I can
:24:45. > :24:50.think of that would make it up to people. I think he was a lot softer
:24:51. > :24:58.and a lot more open than I expected him to be. He was really forthcoming
:24:59. > :25:02.with his answers. And quite happy to talk. He was very apologetic. I am
:25:03. > :25:10.pleased I have done it. I am pleased I have had the opportunity to let
:25:11. > :25:14.Lewis know how I have been impacted. But also to hear him say that it was
:25:15. > :25:18.just a stupid mistake, you know, and that he is aware of what he has
:25:19. > :25:22.done, he is upset in how it has affected him at his family, has
:25:23. > :25:29.given me a little bit of closure, I think. I am happy that I have met
:25:30. > :25:36.Meg. IM happy that she wanted to meet me. And I hope it provides
:25:37. > :25:42.closure that will help them move on and help me get through this as
:25:43. > :25:46.well, the next chapter of serving punishment, but more importantly,
:25:47. > :26:48.hopefully she finds a way that it can help.
:26:49. > :26:51.For most of us, Friday was a miserable day
:26:52. > :26:56.but, for the favoured few, it was glorious.
:26:57. > :27:00.If you don't believe me, look at the Weather Watchers picture.