0:00:02 > 0:00:05Behind every crime lies a hidden story -
0:00:05 > 0:00:09one that goes beyond the news headlines.
0:00:09 > 0:00:14Tomorrow, Anders Breivik will be sentenced for his attack in Norway.
0:00:14 > 0:00:1977 died, but what happened to the hundreds of survivors?
0:00:20 > 0:00:25Last month, 12 were killed at a Batman film screening in Colorado,
0:00:25 > 0:00:27but it's the ones who escaped with their lives
0:00:27 > 0:00:30who have to live with the memory.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Once the cameras have moved on and the lights are down,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36it's those who are left who have to pick up the pieces.
0:00:38 > 0:00:43Here on Crimewatch we see hundreds of people who've been caught in the crossfire,
0:00:43 > 0:00:45but what happens in the months and years after?
0:00:47 > 0:00:50In this programme, I'm going to meet with survivors
0:00:50 > 0:00:54as they share the moments when their lives were changed in an instant.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58From the Cumbrian shootings by taxi driver Derrick Bird...
0:01:00 > 0:01:04The sight of the explosion coming from the end of the barrels.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05I remember the heat.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10White. White hot, too.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13..to the real IRA shooting of unarmed soldiers...
0:01:13 > 0:01:15RAPID GUNFIRE
0:01:15 > 0:01:18..ambushed as they collected pizza outside their barracks.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22As I put my hand up, like this,
0:01:22 > 0:01:24they shot through my hand and skimmed my head.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26I'm dead. That's what I thought.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32They'll share their journeys of recovery,
0:01:32 > 0:01:35from the New Year drive-by shooting in Birmingham almost a decade ago...
0:01:35 > 0:01:38It changed my life.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40And it changed my life forever.
0:01:40 > 0:01:45I just don't talk to anyone about it, I just keep it all inside.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48..to the murder of toddler James Bulger.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51I'll be meeting his mother to see how nearly 20 years
0:01:51 > 0:01:54of fighting for justice has shaped her life.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56I am a mum. I've got three boys there who need me.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59I will not let Thompson and Venables
0:01:59 > 0:02:03ruin what I've got in my life now because I HAVE moved on.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06This is a story about human resilience,
0:02:06 > 0:02:09our ability to fight back
0:02:09 > 0:02:13and find new opportunity in the face of loss.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17Can survivors of violent crime ever truly recover?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Sh...
0:02:19 > 0:02:21What are you doing?
0:02:21 > 0:02:26This programme contains some strong language
0:02:26 > 0:02:30This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting
0:02:30 > 0:02:33'Good evening. The two soldiers killed in Northern Ireland
0:02:33 > 0:02:36'over the weekend have been named as Sapper Patrick Azimkar
0:02:36 > 0:02:39'and Sapper Mark Quinsey. Police investigating the murders
0:02:39 > 0:02:43'have revealed that dozens of shots were fired in the attack...'
0:02:46 > 0:02:49March 2009. Antrim, Northern Ireland.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54These soldiers were about to fly to Afghanistan.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56They'd stepped outside their barracks
0:02:56 > 0:02:59to collect a pizza delivery, a final home comfort.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05But moments after this CCTV image was recorded,
0:03:05 > 0:03:09they were attacked by the Real IRA.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Two of them died at the scene.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Mark is one of the survivors. He was seriously injured
0:03:18 > 0:03:21and discharged from the army on medical grounds,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24but when he returned to his hometown in South Wales
0:03:24 > 0:03:27it was the mental trauma that hit him the hardest.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29There it is.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31That blue door.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I lived up in that top left-hand flat...
0:03:36 > 0:03:38..for about four months.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Where I spent my darkest days.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Mark witnessed the execution of his best friend, Pat,
0:03:49 > 0:03:53and since that day he's been battling with survivor guilt.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57After I got shot, I've put on four stone.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03You know, I've had kidney problems, stomach problems.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07I've had beards down to here, I've had...you know.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11I just lost all control of myself
0:04:11 > 0:04:13and, you know, I was just...
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Just quite scruffy, really.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21Whoever I thought weren't a nice person, I'd...you know.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I'd take the law into my own hands, which I shouldn't have.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- Do you think you may be felt that you shouldn't be alive?- Yeah.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35I was walking around thinking I was like a ghost
0:04:35 > 0:04:37for the first year or two.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I just didn't think I was...alive.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42It was such a mad experience.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44It brings so much... The physical stuff...
0:04:44 > 0:04:47The mental side of it - why did I survive? Why me?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Why not one of the others, you know?
0:04:51 > 0:04:55After the attack, Mark started getting into fights.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00I was very afraid that night and, you know, I'm a man,
0:05:00 > 0:05:06I've never been that afraid before and it took a dent out of my manhood.
0:05:06 > 0:05:11I quite possibly wanted to prove to myself, you know,
0:05:11 > 0:05:15that I was, you know...a man, like.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22Five years I'd been in the army and I hadn't done anything,
0:05:22 > 0:05:25you know, as a soldier I just wanted to get out there
0:05:25 > 0:05:27and do what I was supposed to do.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Just in case, for instance, you don't come home,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38you've got to pack all your boxes
0:05:38 > 0:05:41into a military box and a civilian box,
0:05:41 > 0:05:44so, like, you prepare for that.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49We were doing, sort of, letters to your loved ones,
0:05:49 > 0:05:51which wasn't to be opened unless you died.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58Obviously it was dangerous, but you'd been training so long for it
0:05:58 > 0:06:01you just wanted to get out there and get going,
0:06:01 > 0:06:05but it ended before it began, really, for me,
0:06:05 > 0:06:07but I was looking forward to it. I was.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Mark was about to embark on his first tour of Afghanistan.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20His regiment, the 38th Royal Engineers,
0:06:20 > 0:06:24was packed down and their flight only a few hours away.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26We just thought we may as well get a final supper,
0:06:26 > 0:06:29so to speak, before we went to Afghan.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33But as Mark and his friends went to pick up the pizzas,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36they walked straight into an ambush.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Well, I didn't actually see it - I just heard everything.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48The minute you heard that sound, what did you think it was?
0:06:48 > 0:06:53A falling tree or something like that. Because of the echo.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56RAPID GUNFIRE
0:06:57 > 0:07:01The Real IRA unleashed a hail of automatic weapon fire.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05The soldiers were cornered and unarmed.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08As Mark fell to the ground, his best friend, Pat,
0:07:08 > 0:07:10landed on top of him, taking the initial gunfire.
0:07:13 > 0:07:18I thought, "What the hell am I in?" You know? I didn't know what to do.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21I seen they were executing people on the floor.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23RAPID GUNFIRE
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I knew if I'd run I'd get killed,
0:07:35 > 0:07:37so I jumped in the car for cover
0:07:37 > 0:07:40and the guy looked inside the car - he was literally by the bonnet.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- This is the killer?- Yeah.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45He was by the bonnet and he just looked at me
0:07:45 > 0:07:48and when I seen his eyes... Oof.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51He just slowly, as if not a care in the world,
0:07:51 > 0:07:54walked around to the driver's side of the window,
0:07:54 > 0:07:56finished my best mate off.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02I was trying to get out the other side of the door.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06I managed to grip the other guy by his belt, pull him over
0:08:06 > 0:08:10so just his, sort of, bum was showing
0:08:10 > 0:08:12and he just shot through all the car,
0:08:12 > 0:08:14shot me four times, shot him a couple of times.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20I've been shot in the lung, I've been shot in the shoulder.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22It was as if I got hit on the head with a shovel.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24It was just constantly ringing.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34As I put my hand up like this,
0:08:34 > 0:08:37he shot through my hand and skimmed my head.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40"I'm dead." That's what I thought.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44I accepted it. It was as if... sort of, a weight had been lifted.
0:08:44 > 0:08:49I just decided, you know, to relax and then I thought -
0:08:49 > 0:08:50something came over me -
0:08:50 > 0:08:54I just thought, "Not today," type of thing and I just got up.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57At least, I was thinking, I'll die trying, innit?
0:09:02 > 0:09:06As you ran away, was there time to think about your friend?
0:09:06 > 0:09:12I glanced towards Pat just to... Just to... I don't know.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16See if he was all right, but obviously I knew I weren't all right.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18I knew the circumstances.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21It's not as if I could have just stopped, you know?
0:09:21 > 0:09:28I kind of expected - I knew - I'd seen bullet holes in him.
0:09:30 > 0:09:37If I was stood in a different way to where the first gunshots happened,
0:09:37 > 0:09:41I would have died, and say Pat or Mark was standing where I was,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44it would have given them that chance to survive, do you know what I mean?
0:09:44 > 0:09:50You know, like, Pat was my shield, type of thing.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I know he wouldn't have wanted me to die.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00SIRENS WAIL
0:10:00 > 0:10:02PANICKED SHOUTING
0:10:27 > 0:10:31More than 60 bullets were fired that night in just over 30 seconds.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36Despite having a punctured lung and four serious gunshot wounds,
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Mark had escaped with his life.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43But it's the loss he experienced that would have the greatest effect.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Obviously I was expecting maybe to get shot in wars,
0:10:47 > 0:10:52something like that, but, you know, it was such a mad experience.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56It still hasn't sunk in, to be honest.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59It's made me not want to die alone.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- Yeah, it has made me... Sorry. - It's all right.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19BABY CRIES
0:11:19 > 0:11:22All right.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Do you want me to have him?
0:11:24 > 0:11:28One year after the shooting, Mark met Sophie
0:11:28 > 0:11:30and this year he became a dad.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Sh...
0:11:32 > 0:11:34What are you doing?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36CRYING STOPS
0:11:38 > 0:11:41I knew you'd hit Daddy. He likes hitting me in the face.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44BABY STARTS CRYING
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Since we've had the baby we haven't had no bad dreams
0:11:48 > 0:11:50or we haven't woken up crying,
0:11:50 > 0:11:53cos, you know, he's not thinking about it, I suppose.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55He's more thinking about the baby.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58When I cry, I don't bawl my eyes out, like.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- I just... You know, I'm upset. - Yeah, OK.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- OK.- A bit teary.- Bit teary, yeah.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10At first it was hard, because,
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- you know, because... - I was a bit unpredictable.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20I'd just go down the shop
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- and all of a sudden I would end up drinking all night and day.- Yeah.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28It was obviously frustrating for her.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36- You're engaged. You've got a new baby boy.- Yeah.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Just a few weeks old now, how's he doing?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40He's pukka.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43He's crying a bit, but that's what you expect.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45- You doing the feeds?- Yeah.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- I just do the day feeds. - OK. The easy shift.- Yeah.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- He's lush.- Perfect.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56When she was pregnant, I never...
0:12:56 > 0:13:00you can't get your head round having a kid, until he's actually there.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04And then you think, "Whoa!" It's a baby, I've got to look after.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08I think, when we going to give him back? But he's here for life!
0:13:08 > 0:13:11It's bad, like. This is it now.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Which I'm happy with.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16I was thinking about going to college in September, so,
0:13:16 > 0:13:19I'm not sure yet, I'd best get a move on.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22You know, get picking a course and that.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Pretty soon, I'll be, y'know...
0:13:25 > 0:13:28I think, it's only work that's separating me from being,
0:13:28 > 0:13:32not fully recovered, but back on...
0:13:32 > 0:13:34the right path.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37If you and I were to meet in ten years' time
0:13:37 > 0:13:40and we were to sit down, what would you like to tell me
0:13:40 > 0:13:43about your life, what would you like the next ten years to be?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I think, in the next ten years, y'know,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Blake would be a good kid,
0:13:48 > 0:13:51I'd be married,
0:13:51 > 0:13:54job, just like, a normal person.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03He's called Pat, middle name, after my best friend that died that night.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10It's like you lose one best friend and now I've got another.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Circle of life.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Family can be an inspiration.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29They can give us purpose.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33For Mark, they have helped him see a life beyond the tragedy.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37And although people respond to trauma in unique ways,
0:14:37 > 0:14:39the thing they have in common is their desire
0:14:39 > 0:14:41to get back to normal.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49'Tonight at 10.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50'12 people murdered in Cumbria'
0:14:50 > 0:14:54and 11 injured as a gunman goes...
0:14:54 > 0:14:56I remember being in the crash room
0:14:56 > 0:15:00and I remember being in some sort of neck brace, because I couldn't move
0:15:00 > 0:15:04and I remember them talking about my arm and I came round and I said,
0:15:04 > 0:15:08"I don't want to lose my hand and I don't want to lose my arm", and then I went back under again.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10They said I could keep my hand.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12It would be a living hand.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15I wouldn't be able to use it for anything.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18But it would just be there, y'know?
0:15:18 > 0:15:20And I said no,
0:15:20 > 0:15:23I'd rather it be taken off altogether.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Two years ago, Derrick Bird,
0:15:27 > 0:15:29a taxi driver from Whitehaven,
0:15:29 > 0:15:32went on a shooting rampage.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Without warning, he shot at random along a 52-mile corridor of West Cumbria,
0:15:36 > 0:15:40killing 12 and wounding 11.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Among the survivors were a pub landlord and a taxi driver,
0:15:47 > 0:15:50both of them left with serious injuries
0:15:50 > 0:15:52and psychological scars.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56But what separates them is how they've responded
0:15:56 > 0:15:58and their individual struggles
0:15:58 > 0:16:02to find a new kind of normal.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06These are Terry and Harry's stories of survival.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12My life has already, to a certain degree, been shortened.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15I want time. Can you do me a favour, darling?
0:16:15 > 0:16:19Can you get that sticker of that apple? I can't get it off.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Thank you.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25And, it's just ridding the body
0:16:25 > 0:16:27of all the nastiness.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31When Harry was shot, the blast destroyed his right hand
0:16:31 > 0:16:33and much of his arm.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35He's had microsurgery to get it working again,
0:16:35 > 0:16:39but, it's proving a slow and painful process.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43There we go. Apple peeled, cored, sliced.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Ready to go. I decided to keep the arm.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48I had probably about 700 stitches, in me, all over.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51That was a complete rebuild there.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54That all came from here,
0:16:54 > 0:16:56the back of my legs, you know, all over,
0:16:56 > 0:16:58I've got the scars all over the place.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02It's very strange cos I got used to not having pain,
0:17:02 > 0:17:05or I had the pain, then I got used to not having the pain for,
0:17:05 > 0:17:08oh, over a year. Then, as the senses would come back,
0:17:08 > 0:17:13total pain. But perseverance is the key.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Come on, dog.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Harry runs a pub with his wife, Paddington.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25It's a young business which they've built up from scratch
0:17:25 > 0:17:29but since the attack, she's had to take on most of the work.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32There's been some interesting drunk moments
0:17:32 > 0:17:35where he's become another person. Slightly lively at points.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40It's just sheer hard work bearing in mind the business we're in.
0:17:40 > 0:17:45It's a hotel, it's a pub and you've got to...
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Well, we do enjoy it but if you don't enjoy it,
0:17:47 > 0:17:50the whole thing's just going to disappear.
0:17:51 > 0:17:57With two small children as well, you can't hide in a corner and cry
0:17:57 > 0:18:00cos they're not really going to appreciate that.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02That's not going to be good for them.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06You just have to make it a really...
0:18:06 > 0:18:08You just have to look forward, that's it.
0:18:08 > 0:18:13With the knowledge that it's not going to be OK today.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20I get very angry. Very angry. I have an incredibly short fuse.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23I did before, but I don't think it was this short.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28What sort of things make you angry? Is it physical frustrations?
0:18:28 > 0:18:32I still suffer a very large amount of pain.
0:18:32 > 0:18:38I have to keep active to stop that.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41If I stop being active, I get pain, and if I get pain, I get angry.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Kids are always asking what happened to me, they're more interested.
0:18:50 > 0:18:56I told some of them that it was because I was naughty as a child.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59I didn't do what my mammy said so my arm fell off.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06I think they're behaving themselves, them kids, now.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Despite losing his arm,
0:19:12 > 0:19:16Terry went back to work just nine months after the attack.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I think he's brilliant.
0:19:18 > 0:19:24I actually think he's amazing because he's at work every day with one arm.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Just rolling around in his car.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30All my mates get in his taxi and they're like,
0:19:30 > 0:19:33"Oh, my God. Just seen your dad."
0:19:33 > 0:19:35"Have you?"
0:19:38 > 0:19:41It's still sore.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45You still get phantom pain in it,
0:19:45 > 0:19:50where you think you can feel your fingers and what have you.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Taking tablets for all that. I'm taking tablets...
0:19:55 > 0:19:58I don't know what they're for but they're certainly to stop me
0:19:58 > 0:20:02from thinking about it, some of them.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Terry worked with Derrick Bird on the taxi rank
0:20:05 > 0:20:07and since the shooting,
0:20:07 > 0:20:10he's struggled to make sense of what happened.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11I knew Derrick very well.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15We used to go on holiday together and go out for a drink together.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Always have a craic, you know what I mean.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19The not knowing, the not understanding
0:20:19 > 0:20:22why somebody who you thought you knew so well
0:20:22 > 0:20:26did something as awful as this, how do you cope with not knowing?
0:20:26 > 0:20:30I wasn't going to come today because I hadn't slept at all last night
0:20:30 > 0:20:33simply because of not knowing.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35It just keeps coming back to you.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Sometimes you just don't sleep at all.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42Other times, you'll go to sleep and you won't wake up.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46It can work both ways. It's as if your brain's saying,
0:20:46 > 0:20:49"Don't wake up, you don't have to think about it,"
0:20:49 > 0:20:52you know what I mean? It's crazy.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Tell me about the morning of that day.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01How did that day begin for you?
0:21:14 > 0:21:17It was a day that I needed to go to the bank,
0:21:17 > 0:21:20I needed to go to the Post Office.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Two minutes before, and actually with the engine started,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25the children closed the doors of the car and said,
0:21:25 > 0:21:29"We're not coming, Dad. "We're going to stay behind."
0:21:29 > 0:21:34With his children safely at home, Harry set off for Whitehaven.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Meanwhile, Terry had just picked up a passenger.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39It was my second call when I picked Emma up.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43She was going to the doctor's.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46The first thing I heard coming over the taxi radio was,
0:21:46 > 0:21:48"They've shot him."
0:21:48 > 0:21:50To which I thought something had happened on EastEnders
0:21:50 > 0:21:52the night before or something.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55I didn't realise it was happening in our town.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59People in Whitehaven and Egremont are being urged to stay indoors
0:21:59 > 0:22:01following reports of a shooting...
0:22:08 > 0:22:13By 10:30, Bird had already shot five people.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17Now Harry and Terry were in his path.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20There's a tunnel bridge in Seascale.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Could see a car coming down and I could see its taxi stripes
0:22:23 > 0:22:26and thought, can't be bothered to argue with a taxi.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39I could see a police car coming down with the lights on.
0:22:39 > 0:22:44I was going, "What the Hell's that?" I noticed Derrick's car in front.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48I said to Emma, "What's he been up to now?"
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Them buggers are after him for speeding or something, you know.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55He waved at me to stop.
0:23:00 > 0:23:05I do shoot, and I saw just a pair of barrels.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18As I turned round,
0:23:18 > 0:23:22there was a double-barrelled shotgun right up against my window.
0:23:34 > 0:23:40It was like a massive blowing sensation.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43It was somebody throwing a cup of salt or pellets
0:23:43 > 0:23:46or little pebbles in your face.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- Right.- It was the smell. Instantly, it was the smell.
0:23:49 > 0:23:54It was the smell of cordite. I remember the heat, white.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56White hot too.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00I was so badly covered in blood, of course,
0:24:00 > 0:24:02the police went under the car,
0:24:02 > 0:24:05went to the passenger side to get Emma out.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07She was shot in the arm,
0:24:07 > 0:24:10she got some in the side of her face as well.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14She was covered in me mostly, you know what I mean?
0:24:16 > 0:24:19I can't stop thinking about your children who were not sitting...
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Trust me.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26If anything had happened to them, that would have...
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I would never have forgiven myself, ever.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32In fact, I'm not sure if anything had happened to them,
0:24:32 > 0:24:35I'm not sure that necessarily I would have wanted to continue.
0:24:37 > 0:24:43I just looked down, I seen bits of my hand were missing,
0:24:43 > 0:24:45blood absolutely pissing out everywhere.
0:24:45 > 0:24:50Mick, he put his belt around my arm.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53- This was a policeman? - A tourniquet, yeah.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56He sat me down and he held my arm up above me.
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Slows the blood flow.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05I was taken into a nearby shop, put on the floor in there.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08I waited 90 minutes for the air ambulance to arrive.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Which seemed like how long? - Oh, weeks.
0:25:11 > 0:25:16Absolutely weeks, but also seconds, at the same time.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21There was a lot of blanking.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24There was a lot of thinking...
0:25:24 > 0:25:26of things.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31I never went unconscious. I did... I did want to.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35Sometimes I could feel myself going.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37There was people passing.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41I was trying... I had some duck eggs in the car.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44About four dozen duck eggs in the car I had brought down
0:25:44 > 0:25:47for someone who wanted to buy them off me.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50I knew I wasn't going to get to them so I was telling people
0:25:50 > 0:25:53who were passing to take the eggs out of the car.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Don't let them go to waste, you know what I mean?
0:25:58 > 0:26:02I do remember at one very drunken point turning around and saying,
0:26:02 > 0:26:05"Listen, guys, I can't thank anybody here enough for what they've done
0:26:05 > 0:26:09"but please will somebody just get me a fucking ambulance."
0:26:09 > 0:26:11It was...
0:26:14 > 0:26:19- That's hard, that bit. Just hold on a sec.- Sure thing.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- Sorry.- No, just let me know.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27It's hard purely and simply because you don't realise
0:26:27 > 0:26:33at the time what people are prepared to do to keep you alive.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52You know, I was lucky I'd got my hand up in front of my head to start with.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56End of. If I hadn't have got my hand up, I was gone. Simple as.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Good reflexes. Should have been a goalkeeper.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01HE LAUGHS
0:27:04 > 0:27:10We're only here for as long as we're allowed to stay. Then you go.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Everybody's number comes up.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Running a pub can be a physical job,
0:27:24 > 0:27:29so the injuries to Harry's arm are a constant reminder of the attack.
0:27:29 > 0:27:34Can't fry an egg, can't chop a log, can't pull a pint.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38It's as simple as that. I cannot do anything and it's...
0:27:43 > 0:27:46But I'm here. I'm alive and I'm not complaining about that,
0:27:46 > 0:27:49but it is terribly, terribly frustrating.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Derrick Bird committed suicide in the woods
0:27:57 > 0:28:00just a stone's throw from Harry's family home.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04His name is the Devil incarnate, as far as I'm concerned,
0:28:04 > 0:28:07and rather than swearing at the Devil, I swear at him.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10I mean, he's my Devil.
0:28:14 > 0:28:18But, you know what,
0:28:18 > 0:28:22he's not here, so it's not an issue.
0:28:28 > 0:28:32Terry and his friends used to go out on fishing trips with Derrick Bird,
0:28:32 > 0:28:36or Birdy as he was known amongst the taxi drivers.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Despite having only one arm, Terry continues
0:28:39 > 0:28:44to do the things he enjoyed, but it's not as straightforward.
0:28:44 > 0:28:48Everything is back to front, than used by this arm,
0:28:48 > 0:28:52whereas I'm now going to use it by my left hand.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Everything is upside down and back to front.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00His friend Brian helps on the boat and since the attack,
0:29:00 > 0:29:05insists that Terry goes out to unwind.
0:29:05 > 0:29:10- You've got to. If you don't, you end up like Birdy.- That's right.
0:29:10 > 0:29:15Your head would fill up with rubbish. You've got to let it out.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19I don't blame him for what he done.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22On a normal day, he wouldn't have done it.
0:29:22 > 0:29:27Just something triggered in his head and he just wasn't him again.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31But as I say, we've all got that demon somewhere.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34Just need something to fire it off, isn't it?
0:29:34 > 0:29:38What do you feel about the fact he took his own life at the end?
0:29:38 > 0:29:42Well, why didn't he do that at the start? You know?
0:29:42 > 0:29:45That's one thing that comes to mind.
0:29:47 > 0:29:52It's a pity he did do it at the end because now we'll never find out.
0:29:53 > 0:29:57Maybe if he'd left a letter or something before he had done it,
0:29:57 > 0:30:00it would have helped everybody, I think.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02But he didn't. He just took it with him.
0:30:07 > 0:30:13For Harry, the fact that Bird is dead has made all the difference.
0:30:13 > 0:30:16He ended his life 400 yards in that direction.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19I've walked down there, take the dog for a walk,
0:30:19 > 0:30:23go and walk the children, the children know where it was.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26But they don't have to think about him
0:30:26 > 0:30:29because I'm still here, that's number one to them.
0:30:29 > 0:30:32Secondly, he's dead. Therefore, it's cut out.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34Yeah, it's inside out.
0:30:34 > 0:30:38'I'll never have to face in a court of law. I never have to see him'
0:30:38 > 0:30:43being given a sentence that is reduced by half for good behaviour.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47I'll never see that he's let out.
0:30:48 > 0:30:53And my children will never have to know that person is still around.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57And they are my inspiration.
0:30:57 > 0:31:02And I don't want them to grow up with this sense of hatred,
0:31:02 > 0:31:05of destructiveness, in their life.
0:31:05 > 0:31:12And it's because of them that I will go to the length
0:31:12 > 0:31:17that I am going to become as normal a dad as possible.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19For them. Definitely.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24Terry and Harry have shown incredible resilience
0:31:24 > 0:31:28living through something most of us will never experience.
0:31:28 > 0:31:33But actually surviving a violent crime is only the beginning
0:31:33 > 0:31:35of the long road to recovery.
0:31:35 > 0:31:36'Good evening.'
0:31:36 > 0:31:40The police in Birmingham have got used to gun crime, but nothing like this.
0:31:40 > 0:31:44In the early hours of this morning, they were called to a shooting
0:31:44 > 0:31:49outside a party at a hairdressers' salon. They found two teenage...
0:31:49 > 0:31:53The morning after New Year's Day 2003,
0:31:53 > 0:31:56four girls were gunned down outside a party.
0:31:56 > 0:31:58Two of them, Charlene Ellis
0:31:58 > 0:32:01and Letisha Shakespeare, died at the scene.
0:32:01 > 0:32:05But Charlene had a twin sister, Sophie, who was also shot.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10And this is her story of survival.
0:32:10 > 0:32:16"I remember having a brief conversation with one of the paramedics from the ambulance team
0:32:16 > 0:32:18"who had brought me into hospital.
0:32:18 > 0:32:22"She quietly told me that my sister had been shot too.
0:32:22 > 0:32:27"And that she didn't make it. My whole body went numb.
0:32:27 > 0:32:32"I heard her loud and clearly, but she said it to me
0:32:32 > 0:32:34"and it did not register."
0:32:36 > 0:32:41- Where you close?- Very. We used to argue a lot but we were very close.
0:32:41 > 0:32:44We would argue one minute and then talk the next.
0:32:44 > 0:32:48I'm lucky. She's a part of me. I think about her every day.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51I still say I'm her twin.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53Because I am.
0:32:53 > 0:32:58It's hard to forget about someone that you was in the womb with.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01I can't just forget about it.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14Nearly ten years ago,
0:33:14 > 0:33:19a Birmingham gang plotted a drive-by shooting of their rivals.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21The Burger Bar Boys were seeking revenge
0:33:21 > 0:33:25for the murder of one of their members.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28The attack would have tragic consequences.
0:33:28 > 0:33:33I'd like to ask you just to take me through the evening.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36- What did you get up to? - We just were ready, excited to go,
0:33:36 > 0:33:40had everything planned out, our clothes planned out,
0:33:40 > 0:33:45we all had similar jackets and similar outfits.
0:33:45 > 0:33:49We got to this party. I saw a particular person in there. He was...
0:33:50 > 0:33:53To me, he was acting a bit weird,
0:33:53 > 0:33:58which made me think something is not right.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01Sophie had joined a private party at the back of a hairdressers'.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03She had no idea
0:34:03 > 0:34:06this was also the target location for the drive-by shooting.
0:34:09 > 0:34:13The Burger Bar Boys were waiting for their chance to strike.
0:34:20 > 0:34:24Rumours had spread that their rivals, the Johnson Crew,
0:34:24 > 0:34:25would be at the party.
0:34:27 > 0:34:31With a spotter in place, they waited for their cue.
0:34:33 > 0:34:38Unknowingly, Sophie, Charlene and the others were about to walk into the line of fire.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44TEXT ALERT
0:34:50 > 0:34:55I didn't hear anything coming towards me.
0:34:55 > 0:34:59I didn't hear like a gradual noise to say, this is happening,
0:34:59 > 0:35:02get down on the floor. To me, it was in a blink of an eye,
0:35:02 > 0:35:05and by the time I blinked, I was on the floor.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23GUNFIRE
0:35:30 > 0:35:32GUNFIRE
0:35:39 > 0:35:41DISTANT SIRENS
0:35:41 > 0:35:45I thought maybe everyone had a lucky escape.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48Just thought that it was just me.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51Bev - Sophie and Charlene's mother -
0:35:51 > 0:35:54was fast asleep at home when the news came through.
0:35:54 > 0:35:59I got a phone call at four o'clock in the morning.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01When I heard "shot",
0:36:01 > 0:36:05I thought - why would somebody want to shoot two girls?
0:36:07 > 0:36:11When I got to the hospital, people was coming in the room
0:36:11 > 0:36:15one by one to see me, like I was probably going to die.
0:36:15 > 0:36:19Did any of the doctors, any of the surgeons, talk to you at the time?
0:36:19 > 0:36:23- Did they explain to you what was happening?- A paramedic spoke to me.
0:36:23 > 0:36:27I must have asked her the question about Charlene.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30I must have asked where she was. She said...
0:36:32 > 0:36:35Something along the lines of, "It's not good news."
0:36:35 > 0:36:39She said she was injured too and she didn't make it.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41She told me that
0:36:41 > 0:36:44but it was like when she told me, I didn't believe what she was saying.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47I felt like... I didn't accept it.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50All I could see was blood. Just blood everywhere.
0:36:52 > 0:36:56And then I was told to go into the other room
0:36:56 > 0:36:58to identify Charlene's body.
0:36:58 > 0:37:00I didn't want to do that
0:37:00 > 0:37:04because that's something I didn't ever think I would have to do.
0:37:06 > 0:37:11Charlene and Letisha were dead, three others seriously injured.
0:37:11 > 0:37:14During the gunfight, over 30 rounds were fired.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17The gang had used a Mac 10 submachine gun,
0:37:17 > 0:37:20also known as a "Spray and Pray".
0:37:20 > 0:37:23Yet no-one from either gang was hurt.
0:37:25 > 0:37:29You were shot four times. You had very severe injuries.
0:37:29 > 0:37:32The surgery was successful. How was your recovery?
0:37:32 > 0:37:35- How long were you in hospital for? - Er...
0:37:38 > 0:37:43I think I was in there for about four weeks in total. About four weeks.
0:37:45 > 0:37:51And was there a point when you were in hospital that you did come to accept that your sister had died?
0:37:51 > 0:37:53No.
0:37:57 > 0:38:00Two years later, the case went to trial and four members
0:38:00 > 0:38:06of the Burger Bar Boys were given life sentences, totalling 132 years.
0:38:07 > 0:38:11But that wasn't the end for Sophie and her mother.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17I think it was the day after the court case, a group of boys
0:38:17 > 0:38:23came down and trashed Sophie's car and tried to put my windows in.
0:38:25 > 0:38:28I felt fearful and scared because I'm thinking,
0:38:28 > 0:38:31"What have I done wrong?"
0:38:31 > 0:38:35I didn't do anything, so why are people trying to put my windows in?
0:38:36 > 0:38:41There's been situations where I have been in church, for instance,
0:38:41 > 0:38:45and some of the guys in there, relatives of the perpetrators,
0:38:45 > 0:38:50saying things like, "There's the girl that got my cousin sent down."
0:38:50 > 0:38:55And I'm thinking, "Well, I didn't do nothing."
0:38:55 > 0:38:59For you, particularly, and what happened to your family, there were
0:38:59 > 0:39:02very unusual circumstances, in that a half-brother of yours
0:39:02 > 0:39:06was in the car belonging to the gang the shots were fired from.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11That must have added an extra layer of complication to everything,
0:39:11 > 0:39:16- I think. Would that be fair?- Yeah, I would agree with that. Yeah.
0:39:16 > 0:39:20Just the whole story and people saying, "The brother killed the sister."
0:39:20 > 0:39:23Things like that. It's quite disturbing, to be honest.
0:39:23 > 0:39:26To actually think about, OK, that happened.
0:39:26 > 0:39:30I don't like to think about it, to be honest.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33Have you spoken to her over these past ten years
0:39:33 > 0:39:36about her feelings about losing her twin sister?
0:39:36 > 0:39:39Is it something you're able to discuss with her?
0:39:39 > 0:39:42I haven't spoken to Sophie about it.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47How she's feeling, or... No, I just haven't.
0:39:47 > 0:39:50No. I think it's because...
0:39:51 > 0:39:54I think it's because...
0:39:57 > 0:39:59I haven't...
0:39:59 > 0:40:01I don't want to...
0:40:03 > 0:40:07I don't want Sophie to offload on me.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10I don't think I'd be able to take her offloading on me.
0:40:10 > 0:40:14I think it would be better if she offloaded on someone else,
0:40:14 > 0:40:16but offloading on me, I think it's going to have...
0:40:19 > 0:40:22..an impact on me.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25I just don't talk to anyone about it.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28I just...keep it all inside.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32Maybe one day I will.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36But I think it's a thing where I need to be ready to talk about it.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39I don't think I am ready.
0:40:42 > 0:40:45Losing her twin was devastating for Sophie.
0:40:45 > 0:40:49And to this day, she hardly ever talks about what happened.
0:40:49 > 0:40:52But over the past decade, she's continued to witness
0:40:52 > 0:40:57the destructive impact of gang culture on others.
0:40:57 > 0:41:00A lot of things have happened since the incident
0:41:00 > 0:41:05where young youths have lost their lives to gun crime as well.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08And you're thinking, look at that.
0:41:08 > 0:41:13That person... Was that Charlene? Do you know what I mean?
0:41:13 > 0:41:16And then... They've lost their lives.
0:41:16 > 0:41:20You just don't know when you're going to lose your life.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22I am wary and mindful.
0:41:24 > 0:41:27Seeing some of the social needs in her community,
0:41:27 > 0:41:32Sophie recently decided to start mentoring young women.
0:41:32 > 0:41:36Her experiences give her a unique perspective.
0:41:36 > 0:41:40I've started shadowing other mentors to try
0:41:40 > 0:41:43and support vulnerable young girls.
0:41:43 > 0:41:51- Right.- You know, a lot of them are young offenders.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54Out of school, out of education.
0:41:54 > 0:41:57And just, like, on the streets, really.
0:41:59 > 0:42:01- Hi, Kirk.- How are you?
0:42:03 > 0:42:06Retired police officer Kirk Dawes has also seen
0:42:06 > 0:42:08the effects of gun crime in the area.
0:42:08 > 0:42:12He is now training Sophie, giving her the skills to support others.
0:42:12 > 0:42:18I've watched Sophie since those awful days years ago.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20You can't buy that sort of experience
0:42:20 > 0:42:25and to want to give it back is unusual. It is rare.
0:42:25 > 0:42:29Sophie, I know, doesn't think in terms of retaliation and revenge,
0:42:29 > 0:42:32but how she moves her life forward and indeed the lives of others.
0:42:32 > 0:42:38For me, it makes me feel good to know that I'm actually getting
0:42:38 > 0:42:42this person to look at something on a different perspective and change
0:42:42 > 0:42:46their attitude and change their life, change the way they think.
0:42:46 > 0:42:48So, yeah.
0:42:48 > 0:42:51Hopefully, I will make a difference.
0:42:55 > 0:42:59Unlike the gang which killed her sister, Sophie didn't seek revenge.
0:42:59 > 0:43:02She decided to go after something positive
0:43:02 > 0:43:06and become part of the support network in her area.
0:43:06 > 0:43:10But for other people, it is the pursuit of justice
0:43:10 > 0:43:12which gives them a sense of purpose.
0:43:23 > 0:43:26'The One O'Clock News from the BBC.
0:43:26 > 0:43:29'Police say the Liverpool toddler James Bulger
0:43:29 > 0:43:33'was horrifically murdered before being hit by a train.'
0:43:35 > 0:43:38Almost 20 years ago, James Bulger, a two-year-old,
0:43:38 > 0:43:42was abducted from the Strand shopping centre near Liverpool.
0:43:42 > 0:43:47The toddler was tortured in ways unimaginable by 10-year-old boys,
0:43:47 > 0:43:49Robert Thompson and Jon Venables.
0:43:50 > 0:43:55Two days later, his disfigured body was discovered on a railway track.
0:43:57 > 0:44:00It was a crime that stunned the nation
0:44:00 > 0:44:03and thrust James's mother into the spotlight.
0:44:05 > 0:44:10I came here today because I felt my son James should be represented.
0:44:10 > 0:44:15The loss she experienced drove her to spend almost two decades campaigning for justice.
0:44:15 > 0:44:20It's about time I started getting answers. I am sick of them closing doors in me face.
0:44:20 > 0:44:25So how has she coped with the years of continued hope and disappointment?
0:44:25 > 0:44:28I would like to see them tried again in a court.
0:44:28 > 0:44:32I would like to be in the courtroom while this is being done.
0:44:32 > 0:44:34This is Denise and her story of survival.
0:44:45 > 0:44:48I've done the best I could to be a mum to him.
0:44:48 > 0:44:52Nothing was going to hurt him or happen to him.
0:44:52 > 0:44:54You don't think for one minute that,
0:44:54 > 0:44:59within a few hours, your whole life was going to be turned upside down.
0:45:00 > 0:45:03In the days that surrounded James's killing,
0:45:03 > 0:45:06you not only had to deal with an unimaginable
0:45:06 > 0:45:10amount of personal trauma, you also had to deal with
0:45:10 > 0:45:12an almost unprecedented amount of media interest.
0:45:12 > 0:45:16Can you try to describe to me what a typical day was like?
0:45:16 > 0:45:17In the beginning,
0:45:17 > 0:45:20I refused to go outside the door, I locked myself in a bedroom.
0:45:20 > 0:45:23The only time I came out was to use the bathroom.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27When I did venture out, I had cameras shoved in my face.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30You're wondering why people are not leaving you alone
0:45:30 > 0:45:35and you're wondering why you haven't got that little boy around your feet.
0:45:35 > 0:45:38It just feels like you're living in a total nightmare.
0:45:38 > 0:45:42You just want to grieve, you just want to be by yourself,
0:45:42 > 0:45:45you don't want the world seeing how you're looking.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48I felt like I was living under a black veil,
0:45:48 > 0:45:52underneath a massive black cloud that I couldn't shift.
0:45:52 > 0:45:55I thought, this is my life now. This is what I've got to live with,
0:45:55 > 0:45:57if I continue to live with it.
0:45:57 > 0:46:02Denise was by then heavily pregnant with her second son Michael
0:46:02 > 0:46:06and only attended court at the end of the Thompson and Venables trial.
0:46:06 > 0:46:08My memories of the last day
0:46:08 > 0:46:11was seeing Thompson and Venables stand in front of me.
0:46:11 > 0:46:13They weren't too far.
0:46:13 > 0:46:16I think if I stood up and reached out,
0:46:16 > 0:46:18I would have been able to touch them.
0:46:18 > 0:46:21I just remember their shoulders moving, they were sniggering.
0:46:21 > 0:46:23I just thought, you find it funny,
0:46:23 > 0:46:27you took a look young person's life and you think it's hilarious.
0:46:38 > 0:46:42Thompson and Venables were sentenced to eight years in custody
0:46:42 > 0:46:44until they reached adulthood, making them
0:46:44 > 0:46:49the youngest convicted murderers in modern English history.
0:46:49 > 0:46:51I thought it was an absolute joke.
0:46:51 > 0:46:54I thought, my son's life was only worth eight years?
0:46:54 > 0:46:57I thought, they've done an adult crime,
0:46:57 > 0:46:59they should have done a lot longer sentence.
0:46:59 > 0:47:01That's why I petitioned.
0:47:01 > 0:47:05After the trial, Denise started lobbying for a longer sentence
0:47:05 > 0:47:09and launched Justice For James.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12It's time everyone started thinking about what they done.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15They took a two-year-old's life.
0:47:15 > 0:47:18They're just evil, in my eyes.
0:47:18 > 0:47:22Determined, Denise launched a petition
0:47:22 > 0:47:25and took thousands of signatures to the Home Office.
0:47:25 > 0:47:29Their minimum jail term was raised to 15 years.
0:47:30 > 0:47:32She had succeeded. For now.
0:47:32 > 0:47:35On release, I would have said, they've done the time,
0:47:35 > 0:47:38they have done time in an adult prison, there's nothing else I can do
0:47:38 > 0:47:41and I would have been living a normal life now.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43But the sentencing battle continued
0:47:43 > 0:47:46until it was put back to the original eight-year term.
0:47:46 > 0:47:50Throughout this period, Denise kept fighting.
0:47:50 > 0:47:54Was there a point where you thought, "I've just got to leave this alone"?
0:47:54 > 0:47:58- This is the justice system and I've got to get on with my life?- No.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01No, because it was my son I was fighting for.
0:48:01 > 0:48:04No-one else was going to do it. He's not here to speak out.
0:48:04 > 0:48:07I'll do it for him. I've always said that and I'll always do it for him.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11The pressure of campaigning had affected her marriage
0:48:11 > 0:48:15and Denise split up with James's father, Ralph.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18Three years later, she married Stuart.
0:48:18 > 0:48:22Sometimes, things do get on top of me still.
0:48:22 > 0:48:25And I do take it out on Stuart. He is a good runner!
0:48:25 > 0:48:27And I run just as quick as him!
0:48:27 > 0:48:31He does have to put up with a lot and I always say to him,
0:48:31 > 0:48:34when I first met Stuart, once he realised I was James's mum,
0:48:34 > 0:48:37I said to him, "You don't have to stay.
0:48:37 > 0:48:42"I have got to go through a lot in life. It's up to you."
0:48:42 > 0:48:46But Stuart chose to stay and we've been happy ever since.
0:48:46 > 0:48:49It's a really big thing, to say to somebody,
0:48:49 > 0:48:53if you were falling for him and he was falling for you, to have that conversation, to say I understand
0:48:53 > 0:48:56if this is too much. It must have been a big moment.
0:48:56 > 0:49:01I thought, I don't want you to go through what I've been through, just thrown in the deep end.
0:49:01 > 0:49:05I did explain to him what type of a life he would be living
0:49:05 > 0:49:08if he married me. And he was fine by it.
0:49:08 > 0:49:12With her new husband, Denise continued to fight for justice.
0:49:12 > 0:49:17But in 2001, Thompson and Venables were released on licence,
0:49:17 > 0:49:22under a witness protection-style programme. They were also given new identities.
0:49:22 > 0:49:25The case was a hot potato. They didn't know how to handle it.
0:49:25 > 0:49:30But they've protected them the best way they can, whereas they basically told me to get on with it.
0:49:30 > 0:49:33I do remember just before they were released, one of the judges
0:49:33 > 0:49:38turned round and said, "She's moved on and gone on to have more kids now.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41"We need to protect these two," which really wound me up big-time.
0:49:41 > 0:49:46I felt like standing up and screaming out in the court that day.
0:49:46 > 0:49:51I just think, it's all wrong. That's why I really hate them so much.
0:49:51 > 0:49:55They took James's life - they took him away from me -
0:49:55 > 0:50:01- but they're still getting the best of everything.- In light of the terrible thing that happened to you,
0:50:01 > 0:50:05I wondered how easy it was to give your kids freedoms, to allow them
0:50:05 > 0:50:09- to have that independence every kid needs.- Michael has just turned 18.
0:50:09 > 0:50:12He is only just being allowed out now.
0:50:12 > 0:50:17Thomas and Leon aren't allowed out unless me, Stuart or both of us are with them.
0:50:17 > 0:50:21Michael's just left school now and he's going to be looking for a job soon.
0:50:21 > 0:50:28I'm thinking, there's no way you're slipping through my fingers just yet. I'm keeping hold of you.
0:50:28 > 0:50:31In 2010, Venables broke the terms of this licence
0:50:31 > 0:50:35and was jailed for possessing and distributing child pornography.
0:50:35 > 0:50:38He is due for parole later this year.
0:50:38 > 0:50:42After almost 20 years of battling with the legal system,
0:50:42 > 0:50:45Denise has finally reached a turning point.
0:50:45 > 0:50:50All the fighting and campaigning, I've never got anywhere with it.
0:50:50 > 0:50:54Once I realised I wasn't going to get that justice, I had to do something nice in his name.
0:50:54 > 0:50:59Last year, having moved on from Justice For James, she launched
0:50:59 > 0:51:04a charity, offering disadvantaged children a free holiday.
0:51:04 > 0:51:10- The badge has now changed and I've got a charity badge.- What does the badge say?- It just says "For James".
0:51:10 > 0:51:13Everything that I do in the future is just going to be for James.
0:51:13 > 0:51:20Just to see James's name, I know inside, it gives me a huge plus.
0:51:20 > 0:51:23I thought, at last, I've done something in his name.
0:51:23 > 0:51:26He's not just a memory any more. I can also see his name in gold.
0:51:28 > 0:51:33- I wonder when you had time to grieve because...- I never have.
0:51:33 > 0:51:35I've never had...
0:51:37 > 0:51:41I couldn't go out because the press were there
0:51:41 > 0:51:45and when I was inside, I had Michael to consider.
0:51:45 > 0:51:49I think what really got me through it was after the dark days,
0:51:49 > 0:51:51I found out I was pregnant with Michael.
0:51:51 > 0:51:56The dark days were still there but I had something inside me that I had to live for.
0:51:56 > 0:52:01I needed this baby and this baby needed me. I had to be there for him.
0:52:01 > 0:52:05I didn't want anything rubbed off onto him.
0:52:05 > 0:52:08So really, I don't think I have ever grieved.
0:52:08 > 0:52:11I've just had to push my way through it.
0:52:13 > 0:52:16A violent crime can be committed in seconds,
0:52:16 > 0:52:20but its impact can be felt for generations.
0:52:20 > 0:52:23Denise lost James in a single moment,
0:52:23 > 0:52:26but her sense of injustice may never go away.
0:52:31 > 0:52:35Last month in America, 12 people were killed at a Batman screening
0:52:35 > 0:52:40when a man dressed in riot gear opened fire on the audience.
0:52:40 > 0:52:44And in the state of Colorado, the survivors are being consulted
0:52:44 > 0:52:48about whether or not to seek the death penalty for the accused.
0:52:48 > 0:52:52In Norway, despite calls for a similar sentence,
0:52:52 > 0:52:59some of those who escaped last year's attacks have already faced Anders Breivik in court.
0:52:59 > 0:53:02And there, the death penalty is not an option.
0:53:02 > 0:53:07I have pain in my stomach. I was really...
0:53:08 > 0:53:11I was worrying because I hadn't seen the man
0:53:11 > 0:53:16who did this in live-action since Utoya.
0:53:16 > 0:53:21Stine was one of around 600 that gathered on Utoya island.
0:53:21 > 0:53:25When Breivik opened fire, she managed to swim away,
0:53:25 > 0:53:27but many did not.
0:53:27 > 0:53:31Like others, she's had concerns about attending the trial
0:53:31 > 0:53:35and sharing a courtroom with the man who executed her friends.
0:53:35 > 0:53:39So the first hour was really terrible,
0:53:39 > 0:53:45but then it just... All the anxiety and everything just left.
0:53:46 > 0:53:52And I found some kind of peace in seeing the man who did this
0:53:52 > 0:53:53with handcuffs.
0:53:53 > 0:53:58He was in the control of the court. He can't hurt me any more.
0:54:00 > 0:54:04Bjorn was also on the island when Breivik started firing.
0:54:04 > 0:54:07He managed to rescue two children as he fled to the mainland.
0:54:09 > 0:54:12A natural reaction to what happened will be
0:54:12 > 0:54:16to put the death penalty back in or torture the terrorist,
0:54:16 > 0:54:22but I don't really think that's the way we should deal with this
0:54:22 > 0:54:24in a democratic society.
0:54:24 > 0:54:27The best way to get back at him is to stay true to the values we had.
0:54:27 > 0:54:31Astrid hid behind some rocks when Breivik turned on her
0:54:31 > 0:54:34and was there for two hours before being rescued.
0:54:34 > 0:54:38I think it would be really good to be finished with it,
0:54:38 > 0:54:40because then we can stop focusing on him
0:54:40 > 0:54:44and start focusing even more on our future.
0:54:44 > 0:54:47But, one year on, she still can't talk
0:54:47 > 0:54:49about the things she saw that day.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53These survivors all escaped physical injury,
0:54:53 > 0:54:57but they continue to struggle with the horrors they witnessed
0:54:57 > 0:54:59and the loss of so many friends.
0:55:01 > 0:55:03My injuries are hidden, I mean, you can't see them on me.
0:55:03 > 0:55:06And in some ways I think it's possibly easier
0:55:06 > 0:55:10to deal with this emotionally if you have a physical scar,
0:55:10 > 0:55:15if you have some sort of concrete mark that you were actually there and were injured.
0:55:15 > 0:55:20A lot of people have gotten tattoos to get the physical mark
0:55:20 > 0:55:24on themselves, that they have some relation to the terror.
0:55:26 > 0:55:29Astrid was separated from her best friend during the shooting
0:55:29 > 0:55:32and wasn't told she'd died for over a week.
0:55:32 > 0:55:36You know, when you are 17 and you are speaking with your friends,
0:55:36 > 0:55:40one of your best friends, you always have these future plans,
0:55:40 > 0:55:44and I think it's really sad that she isn't able to be with us
0:55:44 > 0:55:46when we are going to do those plans.
0:55:46 > 0:55:51I really get a feeling that life isn't so sure,
0:55:51 > 0:55:55it's not so sure that we will live till we are 80.
0:55:56 > 0:56:00Despite the devastation, the people of Norway have shown
0:56:00 > 0:56:04incredible strength and, like many caught in the crossfire,
0:56:04 > 0:56:09it's friends and family that are helping them through the recovery process.
0:56:10 > 0:56:15For me, it has been crucial to allow myself to welcome
0:56:15 > 0:56:19the help that was offered, to realise that being strong
0:56:19 > 0:56:23in this kind of situation is also realising that
0:56:23 > 0:56:25you can't do it all by yourself.
0:56:26 > 0:56:29I guess it's true that when you share your grief,
0:56:29 > 0:56:33it doesn't become smaller, but it's easier to carry.
0:56:36 > 0:56:41Violent crime can kill, devastate and destroy,
0:56:41 > 0:56:46but the way survivors respond to trauma and grief varies.
0:56:46 > 0:56:50I've met with people at different stages of recovery
0:56:50 > 0:56:53and, although time has not always been a healer,
0:56:53 > 0:56:56it has allowed for a change of focus.
0:56:56 > 0:57:00What's clear is there's no defined path back to normality.
0:57:00 > 0:57:05We live in a world where nothing is certain.
0:57:05 > 0:57:09Everybody says, it can't happen to us, but it does happen to us, doesn't it, you know?
0:57:09 > 0:57:11It does, no doubt about it, it does.
0:57:12 > 0:57:14But, when faced with tragedy,
0:57:14 > 0:57:17it's how we respond that makes all the difference.
0:57:17 > 0:57:20This will always be with me,
0:57:20 > 0:57:25but it will not put any boundaries on what I'm capable of doing.
0:57:25 > 0:57:29I want to be able to use that hand, I want to be able to grip
0:57:29 > 0:57:31a motorbike and I want to be able to twist grip the throttle.
0:57:31 > 0:57:33That is my aim.
0:57:33 > 0:57:37It's the people we allow into our lives that shape our future...
0:57:37 > 0:57:42Sophie, my fiancee, she was the main reason, like,
0:57:42 > 0:57:46cos she's a nice girl and I didn't want to be a nasty person.
0:57:46 > 0:57:51I knew her niceness would rub off on me eventually.
0:57:51 > 0:57:54..and the opportunities we embrace that give us hope.
0:57:54 > 0:57:58To be able to help them want to be more positive about life
0:57:58 > 0:58:02and not stray down the wrong road, for me, it's a good feeling.
0:58:02 > 0:58:05Just to see James's name, you know, inside the caravan,
0:58:05 > 0:58:09it did give me a huge buzz, because I thought, you know, at last
0:58:09 > 0:58:12I've done something in his name, he's not just a memory any more.
0:58:12 > 0:58:14Crime changes lives,
0:58:14 > 0:58:20but over time we can learn to adapt and find a new kind of normal.
0:58:20 > 0:58:24Survival is part of being human.
0:58:24 > 0:58:28It feels like what happened is an eternity ago.
0:58:28 > 0:58:33It feels like I've gone through a lot and I'm happy, like.
0:58:33 > 0:58:36Happy with my life, at this moment in time.
0:58:47 > 0:58:51Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd