0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Joe he was a young cordwangler
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# Monging greebals did he go
0:00:12 > 0:00:16# And he loved a bogler's daughter
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# By the name of Chiswick Flo
0:00:19 > 0:00:23# Vain she was and like a grusset
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# And her gander parts were fine
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# But she sneered at his cordwangle
0:00:31 > 0:00:35# As it hung upon the line
0:00:35 > 0:00:38# So he stole a woggler's moulie
0:00:38 > 0:00:40# For to make a wedding ring
0:00:40 > 0:00:43# But the Bow Street runners caught him
0:00:44 > 0:00:48# And the judge said you will swing
0:00:48 > 0:00:51# Oh, they hung him by the postern
0:00:51 > 0:00:55# Nailed his moulie to the fence
0:00:55 > 0:00:58# For to warn all young cordwanglers
0:00:58 > 0:01:00# That it was a grave offence
0:01:00 > 0:01:04# There's a moral to this story
0:01:04 > 0:01:08# Though your cordwangler be poor
0:01:08 > 0:01:12# Keep your hands off others' moulies
0:01:12 > 0:01:17# For it is against the law. #
0:01:23 > 0:01:25HE FARTS
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Two whiffs of that and you're greedy.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13DOORBELL RINGS
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Who is it?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24- Who do you think it is? - I don't know. It could be anyone.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Well, it ain't, it's me.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Don't play a silly bugger, open up.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32What do you want, Louie?
0:02:32 > 0:02:36- How are you? - I'm the same as I was this morning.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38- Where've you been?- Nowhere.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- Nowhere?- Hospital. I'll tell you later. My kettle's on the boil.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Are you eating tonight?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- What've you got me?- What d'you want?
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Omelette. Spanish.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53- I'm all out of small veg. - What d'you ask me for then?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I could open a tin of some sort.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56A tin?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58What do you do all day?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I don't remember. This and that.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Well, you want to do less of this and more of that. No veg.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10- It's a disgrace.- Well, I'll make you a cheese omelette, then?
0:03:10 > 0:03:12If I can digest it.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17- What time are you coming round then? - The usual.- Good. We'll watch the telly together. You choose.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19There'll be nothing on. Never is.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND
0:03:57 > 0:04:00ROADWORKS COMING FROM OUTSIDE
0:04:16 > 0:04:23Here, shut your awful noise. There's a respectable person trying to get his rest up here.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Hello, Kenny, me old poofter.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28- Ooh, ye-e-es! - BRAYING LAUGHTER
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- How you doing?- Same as usual.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Doing it alone. By myself.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36Tragic an' all. How's that hole of yours coming along?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- Nearly done with it, have you? - We're nearly done.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- Should be off tonight.- Really? Well, you could have fooled me.
0:04:41 > 0:04:47Positively massive it is. Well, If you need any help fillin' it, your hole that is, give me a bell.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Ta ra.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Ta ra, mate!
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Plebeians.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Expecting me to behave like that.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01It's positively a disgrace.
0:05:05 > 0:05:10Diaries are written so that one has a record of events
0:05:10 > 0:05:13and because there are certain events one wants to remember.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17There is perhaps also the element of the confessional.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21That's what is so-o-o delightful.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24It's what the self wants to say.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Me hair looks nice.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Like spun gold.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Hairdresser done a lovely job.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54You've got to have a trade, boy. You take it from me.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56There's no point in dreamin' your way through life.
0:05:56 > 0:06:01'It's ironic that in so many ways I resembled my father.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04'We're alike in so many things.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08Both of us shared a sense of inferiority.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Mark my words, son.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14Hair. It always needs doing.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17You got to have a trade.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- Hair. It always needs doing.- Shhh.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- The old man will hear you.- You've got to have a trade, boy. A trade.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Take no notice of him. He's a man. Not like us.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Look, Kenny, it's finished.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- What the soddin' hell is that? - It's a dress.- Who for?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- Who do you think?- Me.
0:06:46 > 0:06:52"Kenneth Williams, with his mincing step and comical demeanour as Angelica,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55"was a firm favourite with the school audience,
0:06:55 > 0:07:01"to whom his snobbishness and pert vivacity made great appeal."
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Now, what have you got to say?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05He looks like a girl.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08He looks nothing like a girl.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10I do not look like a girl.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11What do you look like, then?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13A princess.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Oh, vanish.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Would not have missed military service for the world.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Marvellous.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Learnt about torpedoes. Very interesting.
0:07:34 > 0:07:41Joining the entertainment corps opened my eyes to many possibilities, that's for sure.
0:07:47 > 0:07:54Wrote to The Stage newspaper today, asking them to insert the following advertisement.
0:07:54 > 0:07:59"Rep work required by experienced male actor. Age 22.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00"Height 5 foot 9 inches.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02"Retentive memory.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05"Many different voices.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07"A natural performer."
0:08:46 > 0:08:50MUSIC ECHOES # Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs Worthington
0:08:50 > 0:08:53# Don't put your daughter on the stage
0:08:53 > 0:08:56# Her profession is overcrowded And the struggle is pretty tough
0:08:56 > 0:08:58# And admitting the fact She's burning to act
0:08:58 > 0:09:00# That isn't quite enough
0:09:00 > 0:09:03# She has nice hands To give the wretched girl her dues
0:09:03 > 0:09:06# But don't you think her bust is too developed for her age...? #
0:09:06 > 0:09:10Ever since I left you, Sybil, my life has been intolerable.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12I am wretched. Utterly wretched...
0:09:12 > 0:09:16I feel as if...as if...
0:09:18 > 0:09:20What is the matter, Kenneth?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Oh, I forgot it, didn't I?
0:09:22 > 0:09:24I'm awfully sorry.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28If you fluff a line, dear boy, make it up until you find your place.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32Never let the audience know where you went wrong.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Never remove your mask. Understand?
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- APPLAUSE - Yes, well yes, that's correct.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Never, I tell you. Never.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Ever since I left you, Sybil, my life has been intolerable.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Utterly intolerable. I am wretched.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Oh, wretched...
0:09:53 > 0:09:56LAUGHTER FROM AUDIENCE Bloody hell. Tell me I'm dreaming.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00'Well, if you're not, dear, I certainly am.'
0:10:00 > 0:10:03I am. I am wretched!
0:10:04 > 0:10:10The City And The Pillar is a book I should not care to have missed for the world.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15There is a strange, wholesome quality to the character of Jim.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27For the first time, I read about that thing called...queerness
0:10:27 > 0:10:31in what seems to be a thoroughly truthful light.
0:11:07 > 0:11:12More and more trouble in my mind about myself.
0:11:12 > 0:11:17This queerness seems to become more and more frightening.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Oh, get on with it.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47'I am to attend audition in West End on Friday...'
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- Good luck, Kenneth. - '..for Stratford-on-Avon.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52'Shakespeare.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56'Perhaps he is the answer to my dreams.'
0:11:57 > 0:12:03But break my heart for I must hold my tongue...
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Next.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28The crapola that's talked about something being just around the corner
0:12:28 > 0:12:31really eats into one's heart.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34And I marvel at my ability to put up with it.
0:12:34 > 0:12:40I am now so utterly superior to those around me,
0:12:40 > 0:12:45yet will anybody care to notice?
0:12:45 > 0:12:49Poking your nose into posh books won't help you find a decent job.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53And where would you have me poke my nose, pray?
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Don't use that plummy voice on me.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- You want to give it up. - Give what up?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Whatever he gets up to with pansies and whores.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05I thank you for the advice, Father, both spiritual and theatrical.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Nonce.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19My Kenny's unique.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21And don't you ever forget it!
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Your majesty is anointed king at last.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41FANFARE
0:13:53 > 0:13:56"Arts Theatre, London. Bernard Shaw's Saint Joan.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59"Mr Kenneth Williams is a brilliantly fussy dauphin.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01"A skinny and abandoned lap dog. He will go far."
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I'm impressed.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05A classical actor.
0:14:05 > 0:14:11Good. Because that's exactly what I need - a legit thespian with no funny voices.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15'Ladies and gentleman. we present Hancock's Half Hour!'
0:14:15 > 0:14:17AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Good morning.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Good morning, cheeky.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Wanna come to the pictures with me?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25LAUGHTER
0:14:28 > 0:14:30No. Hop it. Hop it. Go on, get out of it. Go on. Go on.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Don't be like that.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34I saw you wink at me.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36LAUGHTER
0:14:36 > 0:14:40'I didn't wink at you, me false eyelash popped out.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44'Ooooo, stop messing about.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- 'Buzz off. Buzz off. Hop it. - I think you're smashin'.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51'I'll smash you in a minute.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55'Ooh, I like girls with a bit of spirit...'
0:14:55 > 0:14:58LOUD, BRAYING LAUGHTER
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Where's my bleedin' supper?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11'A disaster feels imminent.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15'It seems as if their whole marriage is cracking up like some jerry-built house.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19'But then I can't remember it any other way. Why does she stick with him?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22'He is so emotionally inadequate in every way.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25'He still insists on this heavy-handed cock-of-the-walk stuff
0:15:25 > 0:15:29'which is hot air and sickening, because underneath he's just like me -
0:15:29 > 0:15:32'always vying for her affections.
0:15:32 > 0:15:38'When will the scales fall from his eyes? The day I was born, Charlie wasn't needed any more.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42'He'd served his purpose.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43'Louie has ME now.'
0:15:43 > 0:15:45HE SLURPS
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Manners.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49- HE BELCHES - Pig!
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- LAUGHTER - 'Oh no, it's him again!'
0:15:56 > 0:16:02'Only at this juncture of my professional life can I state my worth as a human being.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06'Because I see that in art is man's striving for the truth, for order,
0:16:06 > 0:16:10'for the sense which has evaded him in the stupidity of existence.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15'Only in recognition of this truth in art can my respect be commanded.'
0:16:15 > 0:16:20- He had me in stitches! - LOUD LAUGHTER
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Ohh! Look at that!
0:16:22 > 0:16:25It's our new 17-inch console, madam.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I'd have thought 17 inches would be enough to console anyone!
0:16:29 > 0:16:35- What's going on?- Installing a television set.- What television set?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37I didn't purchase any television.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- You didn't, but Kenny did. - It's a present.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42A gift from me to Mother.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43It's a waste of money.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45My Kenny can afford it.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- 'If I'm not sharing with her, who am I sharing with? - KNOCKING
0:16:55 > 0:16:57'Good evening.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04- 'What do you want?- I'm your room-mate.- Oh, no you're not!
0:17:04 > 0:17:06'Oh no, stop messing about.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10'Mm. Nice room, isn't it?'
0:17:18 > 0:17:21The show went very well tonight, Tony, don't you think?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- For some of us it did. - The audience were wonderful.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Not bad.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Why the funny voices?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- I beg pardon?- All this.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35You have four voices. Your snide "stop messing about",
0:17:35 > 0:17:37your plummy voice, your upper-class twit and your cockney.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39That's about it, ain't it?
0:17:39 > 0:17:42A great range for a classical actor, don't you think?
0:17:42 > 0:17:47Yes, well, the audience look forward to my voices, don't they? Very popular.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Of course. Playing to the gallery.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Any clown can do that. Any cheap comic.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Audiences need to be nourished on something purer, Kenny.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58And we have to teach them, take them to a higher plain of laughter.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03The comic potential of a man is infinite, Kenny.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04Infinite.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12And so's my bum hole, Tony.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19I think what an audience wants is to be beguiled.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23As Shaw once said, and I have appeared in Shaw,
0:18:23 > 0:18:28"An actor must illuminate the dark corners of the mind."
0:18:28 > 0:18:35I think if you engage them, they will accept it totally, whatever the manner in which you are playing.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39After all, comedy and tragedy are only two sides of the same coin.
0:18:39 > 0:18:45However broad the performance might be, an audience will come with you if they believe you.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49They'll say is it any good and do I believe? If not, you're dead.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53It's a terrible risk you take being a performer, a tightrope walk.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57And you take that risk nightly.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Don't you agree, Tony?
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Quite.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06The tosser.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14I'll have your melon balls, followed by the creamed chicken.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Thank you very much.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Oh, isn't he nice, Peter?
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Really nice manner. Oh, thank you.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Lovely boy he is.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Say hello to the agent, duckie.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28Do you have to, Kenneth?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Have to what, Peter?
0:19:30 > 0:19:35- Talk so loud. The whole restaurant can hear you.- Can they?!
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Oh, well, they shouldn't be listening.
0:19:39 > 0:19:44I expect they probably recognise me from appearing on the television.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Not for much longer I'm afraid.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Oh? How do you mean?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I've had a word from the BBC.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56They want to cut back your characters.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58He says you're a grotesque.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02A grotesque. Who did? The slur.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07Hancock did. They want to make the show more realistic. Less of a cartoon.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10He doesn't think you're natural enough for his show.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19I see.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20I'm sorry.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Well, of course I'm not natural.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30I'm supernatural, I am!
0:20:30 > 0:20:31I am!
0:20:31 > 0:20:36I'm surre-e-e-eal, Peter! I am!
0:20:36 > 0:20:38I'm surre-e-e-eal.
0:20:49 > 0:20:56The leaf that blossoms, dies and falls from the tree is, in the falling, tragic.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01But I am the leaf that has not yet blossomed.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06I am that blighted leaf.
0:21:06 > 0:21:11My tragedy lies in the knowledge of my failure to bloom.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15I come always near,
0:21:15 > 0:21:18but never into, truth.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21TELEPHONE RINGS
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Kenny!
0:21:26 > 0:21:27Telephone call.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30It's your agent.
0:21:46 > 0:21:51Funny how things can change in the wink of an eye.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Oh, I say.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Fantabulosa!
0:23:00 > 0:23:02'You seem to collect voices like others collect stamps.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06'Do you borrow them from people or do you just pluck them from the air?
0:23:06 > 0:23:10Oh, yes. They are taken from people I have known. Pinched, I suppose.
0:23:10 > 0:23:17The snide voice - the stop messing about one - was taken from a boy I met, a boy working at the mint.
0:23:17 > 0:23:24He was describing how you were searched to make sure you hadn't taken anything that you shouldn't,
0:23:24 > 0:23:29and he was describing with a perpetual smile on his face.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33"You have to be very careful because...
0:23:33 > 0:23:36"otherwise they make you take your clothes off."
0:23:36 > 0:23:39So I thought that was a very good idea. The voice, I mean.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Not him taking off his clothes.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- Of course.- Indeed.
0:23:47 > 0:23:53For all my talk on television, I still haven't matured in any real way.
0:23:53 > 0:23:58Sexually I'm as juvenile as ever and unresolved.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02Given a sign, I would act on it...
0:24:02 > 0:24:05but no sign ever comes.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29- Thank you for the drink. - Don't mention it.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31My pleasure.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- Would you like another one?- No.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Peanut?
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Perhaps later.
0:24:46 > 0:24:47Afterwards.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Yes.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Might I use your lavatory?
0:24:54 > 0:24:59- Nobody is ever allowed to use my lavatory. My lavatory and its paper are my own.- Oh?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Hygiene.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31When did you last scrub those nails?
0:25:31 > 0:25:34- Sorry?- Your nails. Such dirt.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39- I don't remember.- No? Well, you should. Positively filthy.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Shall we go somewhere else?
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Yes, I think you should leave.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49I think that people who manifest their love for you physically
0:25:49 > 0:25:53when they know your lack of reciprocation are abominably selfish.
0:25:53 > 0:26:00All this touching and kissing which seems so popular among others passes me by.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03My friends know I'm a virgin and say I make up for it by flirting.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06To them, everyone must do something or die.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Perhaps I am dead, already.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Celibacy is an essential quality in my own character.
0:26:25 > 0:26:30I must never allow myself to be vulnerable in the sexual sense.
0:26:30 > 0:26:35That kind of humiliation would be detrimental in every way.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Oh, the dirt.
0:26:44 > 0:26:49Obviously, the sex life of consenting adults of the same sex has nothing to do with anyone else.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52And the present law is so primitively barbaric
0:26:52 > 0:26:56that it gives rise to more trouble than it's worth.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39I am the leaf that has not blossomed.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47People used to say that matches were made in heaven.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51Nowadays they're more likely to be made by computer, and a firm has recently opened
0:27:51 > 0:27:56called, Bona Soul Mates, who have offered to do it electronically.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59And I decided to pay them a visit.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Hello, anybody there?
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Oh, hello, I'm Julian and this is my friend Sandy.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Oooh, hello, yes! Hello, Mr Horne!
0:28:06 > 0:28:09We're your Bona Soul Mates, we are.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13- Yes, our motto is for every omi, there's a pol...- Polone.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16We guarantee to match you with the perfect partner.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18A sort of marriage bureau are you?
0:28:18 > 0:28:22To find you the perfect partner, we fill in your particulars.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Yes, we fill 'em in, you see.
0:28:24 > 0:28:29- Would you mind answering a few questions, Mr Horne?- I don't mind.
0:28:29 > 0:28:34These questions are worked out by a psychiatrist to determine your personality.
0:28:34 > 0:28:38- First of all, what sort of car do you drive, Mr Horne?- Why?
0:28:38 > 0:28:40A car is your sort of virility symbol.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43The sort of car you drive indicates the sort of person you are.
0:28:43 > 0:28:48- Sean Connery, he drives a great big powerful sports car.- Very butch. Very potent.- What sort do you drive?
0:28:48 > 0:28:50A Mini.
0:28:53 > 0:28:57- I think that tells us all we need to know, Mr Horne.- All we need to know!
0:29:02 > 0:29:05I got the 73 up to the Angel today
0:29:05 > 0:29:09and called on Joe Orton, playwright, and his friend.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12It was frugal, to say the least.
0:29:14 > 0:29:18- Would you care for a ham sandwich, Mr Williams?- Thank you.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21Ken made them especially.
0:29:23 > 0:29:26I make all the food around here.
0:29:26 > 0:29:28While I write plays.
0:29:28 > 0:29:30Who does your decor?
0:29:30 > 0:29:32Ken does.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35They're collages. Art.
0:29:35 > 0:29:39Mm. Two artists under the same small roof. Must cramp your style?
0:29:39 > 0:29:41We like it this way.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43Ever so cosy.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45Has been for years.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55- This ham is rather good, don't you think?- Isn't it?
0:29:55 > 0:30:01- I do love your new play, Joe, Funeral Games.- Loot.
0:30:01 > 0:30:04- Sorry?- I've changed the title.
0:30:04 > 0:30:08I think up all Joe's titles.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12It's very good, Joe.
0:30:12 > 0:30:16- Outrageous, mind.- I'm flattered.
0:30:16 > 0:30:21He is, often nowadays. By all sorts.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30Who's your favourite, Mr Williams?
0:30:34 > 0:30:36I prefer Miss July.
0:31:45 > 0:31:49I would like very much to have been born handsome.
0:31:49 > 0:31:53Not for its own sake, but for the sake of being attractive to others.
0:31:53 > 0:31:59I've no doubt that this is one superficial excuse for more profound complaints within.
0:31:59 > 0:32:04So much is because I think my face and body unprepossessing.
0:32:04 > 0:32:08This is, of course, the paradox of my own nature.
0:32:08 > 0:32:13The thing that I am, being the thing which I despise.
0:32:13 > 0:32:17But I think my despite is justified.
0:32:26 > 0:32:31This Roman tunic I'm wearing in the film
0:32:31 > 0:32:35is really quite sexual, don't you think, Joan?
0:32:35 > 0:32:36Very you, Kenny.
0:32:38 > 0:32:43- Hail Caesar!- Oh, Kenny, not again. Put it away!
0:32:43 > 0:32:45- BRAYING LAUGHTER - Freak.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53I didn't see a cock the whole time I was in Leicester.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55- Really?- No. Except my own.
0:32:55 > 0:32:57And that glimpsed only briefly in a cracked mirror.
0:32:57 > 0:33:01- I've made a habit of my mirror. - Masturbation?- The Barclay's, yes.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03- Barclay's?- Barclay's Bank.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05Wank. Cockney rhyme.
0:33:05 > 0:33:07I see.
0:33:07 > 0:33:09Mental cock, I leave it alone.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11Nothing can touch my fantasies.
0:33:11 > 0:33:14Positively le-e-ewd at times, in my mind's eye.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17We're going to Morocco for it.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19Bum.
0:33:19 > 0:33:24Tangier is certainly the place for relaxation during a mild winter.
0:33:24 > 0:33:28- You should come.- I don't think your Kenneth would approve, do you?
0:33:28 > 0:33:31The more the merrier I say.
0:33:31 > 0:33:33- Yes, but does he? - I'm over 21 you know.
0:33:33 > 0:33:37Only in a bad light. Today, you could play a boy of sweet 16.
0:33:37 > 0:33:38Good.
0:33:44 > 0:33:46Oh, you want locking up, you do.
0:33:46 > 0:33:48- I already have been, Kenny. - How shocking.
0:33:48 > 0:33:54She will be with her pants down and her tie wrapped around her ankles.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57- I can't say I approve. - Not many people do.
0:33:57 > 0:34:00That's what makes the prospect of having him all the more entertaining.
0:34:00 > 0:34:02It's irreligious and immoral.
0:34:02 > 0:34:04- Like my play, heh?- Yes.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07Certainly audiences will be mortally offended should I appear.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09You're going to do it, then?
0:34:17 > 0:34:20Loot went down as I feared it would.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24Shocked the audience to buggery.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35Joe's not here. He's gone out.
0:34:36 > 0:34:39Hiding from me, is he?
0:34:42 > 0:34:44When do you expect him back?
0:34:44 > 0:34:48- Depends on what he finds. - Might I come in?
0:34:48 > 0:34:50- I'm doing haddock.- For tea? Lovely.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52- There isn't enough for three. - Rubbish.
0:34:52 > 0:34:56After what I've been through in that play of his, I deserve fresh salmon.
0:35:05 > 0:35:09There's something different about you today, Kenneth.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12Joe bought it for me. He said it suited me.
0:35:12 > 0:35:14More virile.
0:35:14 > 0:35:18Very distinguished.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21- Do you like it? - It doesn't matter what I think.
0:35:21 > 0:35:24- Hollandaise sauce?- Just a smidgin.
0:35:24 > 0:35:29The stomach's playing up. I could blow off like the wind.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32- Thanks for sharing that with me. - Pleasure.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45Joe's having trouble with his dick.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49He wants a good doctor.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53His heart's in the right place.
0:35:53 > 0:35:55Shame his dick isn't.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04I'm sure he...would never leave you.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07Joe told me.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09You've been through too much together, he said.
0:36:09 > 0:36:11How very magnanimous of him.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15I'd be grateful for that.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17- Grateful?- Some kind of love.
0:36:19 > 0:36:21He has an inability to love.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25A horror of involvement.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28He needs to be utterly free to write...
0:36:28 > 0:36:30he says.
0:36:30 > 0:36:34But you can't live without love.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Love is involvement.
0:36:42 > 0:36:47When I'm not indulged, loved by an audience,
0:36:47 > 0:36:49I always feel the need to run.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51Where do you run to?
0:36:51 > 0:36:53I've no idea.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56To a friend's habitat, I suppose.
0:36:56 > 0:37:00Share a bit of haddock, eh? Bit of haddock, eh!
0:37:00 > 0:37:03- Quite.- Quite.
0:37:09 > 0:37:14What you need out of life, Kenny, is a good fuck up the arse.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17- Really?- I should say so.- Why?
0:37:17 > 0:37:21- Would that have helped me to perform any better in your play?- It might.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24Farce is very close to tragedy.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26Is that how you see me?
0:37:28 > 0:37:31- A tragedy?- No.
0:37:31 > 0:37:32Do you?
0:37:34 > 0:37:36That fella's got his eye on you.
0:37:36 > 0:37:38- Where?- Over there.
0:37:45 > 0:37:49No, I won't indulge, Joe.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52- Why not?- Promiscuous sex,
0:37:52 > 0:37:54I've always equated it with...
0:37:54 > 0:37:57- What?- Sin.
0:37:57 > 0:37:58Bollocks!
0:37:58 > 0:38:03I think the natural goodness and dignity of man is bound up with regard to certain qualities...
0:38:03 > 0:38:05You sound like the Oxford Dictionary.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07..and, if you use someone else physically with no other motive
0:38:07 > 0:38:10but sexual stimulus, then you degrade them.
0:38:10 > 0:38:14You take away their natural goodness and dignity and, of course, your own.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16Filth fires the soul.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21Bend over, Kenny. Stretch your toes a little before it's too late.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24You play at your games, Joe, and I'll play at mine.
0:38:24 > 0:38:28"What do we any of us have but our illusions?
0:38:28 > 0:38:31"And what do we ask of others but that we be allowed to keep them?"
0:38:31 > 0:38:33Somerset Maugham.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36- Is that right?- Yes, it's one of the secrets of celibacy -
0:38:36 > 0:38:40the preservation of the illusion,
0:38:40 > 0:38:42don't you think?
0:38:42 > 0:38:44I'll tell you what I think.
0:38:46 > 0:38:51"Nice arse. Pert and juicy."
0:38:52 > 0:38:54Joe Orton.
0:39:29 > 0:39:30Nippy, innit?
0:39:36 > 0:39:41I hoovered the carpet in the lounge dressed only in bathing trunks.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44It was very daring...
0:39:44 > 0:39:49and the atmosphere was charged with sex.
0:39:51 > 0:39:57If anyone had walked in, they would have been irresistibly attracted.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09DOORBELL RINGS, HE SWITCHES HOOVER OFF
0:40:11 > 0:40:14KNOCK AT DOOR
0:40:15 > 0:40:16Hello?
0:40:16 > 0:40:18Who is it?
0:40:18 > 0:40:21Your father.
0:40:23 > 0:40:25What do you want?
0:40:25 > 0:40:29I was just passing and I thought I'd call to see you.
0:40:29 > 0:40:32Why? You've never called before.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35Just being friendly.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Go away.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43Don't be like that.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45I don't want to see you.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49Kenny?
0:40:49 > 0:40:52It's too late...to call.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00I won't forget this.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06Me neither.
0:41:08 > 0:41:12When I got home from the theatre,
0:41:12 > 0:41:15I discovered a small thing,
0:41:15 > 0:41:19crawling on my sheets.
0:41:19 > 0:41:21It was panic stations.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29I put it into DDT.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31Watched it die. Then sprayed the entire room.
0:41:31 > 0:41:35The bed, the mattress, the frame, the linen, everything with DDT.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38God knows what the thing was.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Or where it came from!
0:41:46 > 0:41:50The horror, nonetheless.
0:42:02 > 0:42:07- LAUGHTER - Good night, Mr Williams.
0:42:07 > 0:42:11- She likes you.- No. I've relegated my desires. Locked them up for good.
0:42:11 > 0:42:13I don't want to mar my public image.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16- I want the public's plaudits, not its opprobriums.- Arseholes.
0:42:16 > 0:42:20I just put it all into the theatre, that's enough for me.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22- It's where I belong.- Yes, Auntie.
0:42:22 > 0:42:24Goodnight, Syd, did you manage a wank?
0:42:26 > 0:42:28And the fame and fortune isn't bad either.
0:42:28 > 0:42:34- Oh yes, the best thing I did for anyone all year was to buy Louie that fur coat.- A Siberian squirrel.
0:42:34 > 0:42:38She does looks lovely in it though, doesn't she?
0:42:39 > 0:42:41Oh, Kenny.
0:42:41 > 0:42:47- What's the matter with you? - Nothing's the matter with me. It's your father.
0:42:47 > 0:42:53He swallowed some poison. Cleaning fluid.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56What's he done that for?
0:42:56 > 0:43:00I keep it in the bathroom cabinet.
0:43:00 > 0:43:04A Gees Linctus bottle in case of emergencies.
0:43:04 > 0:43:08He had a dry, tickly cough and he reached out for some quick relief.
0:43:08 > 0:43:10Silly sod.
0:43:13 > 0:43:15Will he live?
0:43:17 > 0:43:20Well, he seems a peaky colour, don't he?
0:43:37 > 0:43:40Deathly.
0:43:50 > 0:43:55I'm ever so sorry, Louie, about Charlie.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58Yeah. Thanks, Joan.
0:43:58 > 0:44:00Terrible, isn't it?
0:44:00 > 0:44:03He kept saying, "Take these knives out of my stomach."
0:44:03 > 0:44:05- Oh, dear.- Still...
0:44:05 > 0:44:08it was a rat trap of a marriage.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11The doctor told Louie his brain was damaged,
0:44:11 > 0:44:15the heart was impaired and his kidneys in very bad condition.
0:44:15 > 0:44:20In reality, it was a good thing, his death. Pass the butter.
0:44:20 > 0:44:24- He'd never have recovered, would he, Louie?- No.
0:44:24 > 0:44:27Not after swallowing poison.
0:44:27 > 0:44:29Almost a vegetable.
0:44:40 > 0:44:46- The show went very well tonight, don't you think? Audience very appreciative of me.- They loved you!
0:44:46 > 0:44:49I thought the second half was fantastic.
0:44:51 > 0:44:56Louie is to move into the flat next door. It's the obvious answer.
0:44:56 > 0:44:58Keep an eye on each other.
0:44:58 > 0:45:00As always.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14HE FARTS
0:45:20 > 0:45:22DOORBELL RINGS
0:45:39 > 0:45:40Who is it?
0:45:41 > 0:45:44Who do you think it is?
0:45:45 > 0:45:47I said five o'clock.
0:45:47 > 0:45:49It's three minutes to.
0:45:49 > 0:45:51Your omelette's on the table.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54Come back when I'm ready to eat it. On time.
0:45:56 > 0:46:00- I've left home now. - Then you'll have to wait your rush.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18Good evening. How lovely to see you, Louie.
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Evening.
0:46:27 > 0:46:30Hurry up. Omelette! It'll be congealed.
0:46:48 > 0:46:52The news ain't good, is it?
0:46:52 > 0:46:54The usual murder and mayhem.
0:46:54 > 0:46:56It's no good, I can't eat it.
0:46:56 > 0:46:59- Can't eat what? - The omelette.- Omelette?
0:46:59 > 0:47:01Cheese bloody omelette.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03The stomach.
0:47:03 > 0:47:04The swelling.
0:47:04 > 0:47:07My lingering pain.
0:47:07 > 0:47:09- HE FARTS - Oh, dear.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12This atrocious farting is truly foul.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15Manners.
0:47:15 > 0:47:17Oh, I'm in purgatory.
0:47:17 > 0:47:19Oh my poor boy.
0:47:19 > 0:47:22The pain never stops.
0:47:22 > 0:47:25It's worse than anything I can remember. The doctor...
0:47:25 > 0:47:27he mentioned some kind of operation.
0:47:27 > 0:47:30- Operation?- He mentioned some time after the 25th of April.
0:47:30 > 0:47:32What sort of operation?
0:47:32 > 0:47:34A knife in the belly. Open up my gut.
0:47:34 > 0:47:41- Will it work?- Even if it don't work, I can't be any worse than I am at the moment, can I?- I expect not.
0:47:43 > 0:47:47Eat your omelette, darlin', before it gets cold.
0:48:31 > 0:48:35BBC wanted me to go on TV and talk about it.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37I said no.
0:48:37 > 0:48:40I couldn't talk about Joe in public,
0:48:40 > 0:48:42not at the moment.
0:48:58 > 0:49:00Lots of people on about Joe's death.
0:49:00 > 0:49:04Everyone phoning and asking the same thing, "Why?"
0:49:14 > 0:49:18I think the motive was Halliwell loved Joe.
0:49:18 > 0:49:22Halliwell felt that something very big and important threatened that love.
0:49:22 > 0:49:26He couldn't kill that, so he killed Joe Orton.
0:49:26 > 0:49:30This is the only thing that makes any sense,
0:49:30 > 0:49:33if there is any sense in murder.
0:49:36 > 0:49:44The whole mess that is existence and mundane things is shot through and transformed by redemption.
0:49:44 > 0:49:47This is what Jesus meant about redemption.
0:49:47 > 0:49:53It's the only way, one real act of love.
0:49:53 > 0:49:56Please let me be capable of it.
0:49:56 > 0:49:59Just give me one chance.
0:49:59 > 0:50:02Don't let me be a moral coward...
0:50:08 > 0:50:09Amen.
0:50:24 > 0:50:28Who is that dish in jeans, Joan?
0:50:28 > 0:50:30New sparks boy - Alfie.
0:50:30 > 0:50:33He certainly know how to tweak a light bulb, doesn't he?
0:50:33 > 0:50:36I think you're going to be a fan of mine, aren't you?
0:50:37 > 0:50:39Such outspokenness. Well...
0:50:41 > 0:50:43really.
0:50:43 > 0:50:46I'm like that, me - forward.
0:50:46 > 0:50:50You've got quite a few fans on this unit already, Charlie Hawtrey for one.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53He buys you chocolates, I believe.
0:50:53 > 0:50:56Not my type.
0:50:57 > 0:50:59Suchards.
0:50:59 > 0:51:02I think you're in there, Kenny.
0:51:02 > 0:51:04You think so?
0:51:08 > 0:51:11LAUGHTER AND MOANING >
0:51:34 > 0:51:38He's 27, unmarried and lives in Catford.
0:51:38 > 0:51:40What a honey.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50You've either got it, dear,
0:51:50 > 0:51:52or you haven't.
0:51:54 > 0:51:58- Thank goodness my Kenny's not like that.- Like what?
0:51:58 > 0:52:00Well...you know.
0:52:00 > 0:52:03It's sad, isn't it?
0:52:03 > 0:52:05Is it?
0:52:05 > 0:52:07My Kenny...
0:52:07 > 0:52:09he's not a homosexual.
0:52:09 > 0:52:11No. He's...
0:52:11 > 0:52:13Now what does he call it?
0:52:13 > 0:52:15He's a asexual, that's it.
0:52:15 > 0:52:17He don't do anything mucky.
0:52:17 > 0:52:19A very clean-living boy.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27I've certainly gone off him.
0:52:27 > 0:52:31It seems extraordinary now that I was even bothered.
0:52:31 > 0:52:36He's an ignorant lout and that's all there is to it.
0:52:37 > 0:52:39Such lewd behaviour.
0:52:47 > 0:52:51To think I used to think you were a great dish and got an erection
0:52:51 > 0:52:56when I was near you, but now it has all died completely! So there!
0:53:03 > 0:53:07- Good job it was only a mental affair.- Yes.
0:53:07 > 0:53:09Still, the heartache.
0:53:12 > 0:53:14Bottoms up.
0:53:23 > 0:53:27Well, the bum was a joke yesterday, I can tell you.
0:53:27 > 0:53:30And after the bowel motion I thought I should go demented or something.
0:53:30 > 0:53:34And we all know why, don't we? Fiddling about.
0:53:34 > 0:53:39But thank goodness, after the ointment and the suppository I shoved up,
0:53:39 > 0:53:42things have finally quietened down.
0:53:42 > 0:53:45I was able to venture into the street looking like most pedestrians.
0:53:45 > 0:53:49Nobody actually screamed out, "Got a touch of the farmer's, have you?
0:53:49 > 0:53:53"Farmer Giles! Got a touch of the farmers?"
0:53:53 > 0:53:57Then I said to the chemist, "Be careful, there's enough talcum powder up there
0:53:57 > 0:54:00"that if I blow off, everyone will be covered in dust.
0:54:00 > 0:54:07- And she said, quite curtly I thought, "Rather you than me," and rang up the till.- Oh, Kenneth!
0:54:07 > 0:54:09Have you tried Milk of Magnesia for it, dear?
0:54:09 > 0:54:11Do you mind, Joan, I'm talking here.
0:54:11 > 0:54:15Listen to her. Can't get a word in edgeways.
0:54:15 > 0:54:22Anyway, to cut a long story short, I tried something new this morning.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24Put some foot powder up there.
0:54:24 > 0:54:26Can't do any more harm, can it?
0:54:26 > 0:54:30Let's see how that affects it, eh, Joan?
0:54:40 > 0:54:42Penny for your thoughts.
0:54:42 > 0:54:48- The reason for most of the smut in this world is boredom, isn't it, Joan?- Is it?
0:54:48 > 0:54:52Yes. People like to attribute it to reasons more profound,
0:54:52 > 0:54:58but in my opinion it's people's conceit that seeks profundity in reasons for behaviour, isn't it?
0:54:58 > 0:55:01I wouldn't know, I'm not that bright.
0:55:01 > 0:55:03Bad day was it?
0:55:03 > 0:55:07I always have a bad day, performing in such crapola!
0:55:08 > 0:55:13When I think of the shameless way I behave in these studios,
0:55:13 > 0:55:17the dirty mimes, the dirty songs, the obscene dialogue and...
0:55:17 > 0:55:20The crowds that gather around you like a family.
0:55:24 > 0:55:26Marry me, Joan.
0:55:26 > 0:55:28- What?- There'll be nothing messy.
0:55:28 > 0:55:31Just friendship, companionship.
0:55:31 > 0:55:33You've got your mother for that, Kenny.
0:55:33 > 0:55:35Yes, and you both get on, don't you?
0:55:38 > 0:55:41I need a little bit more than that, lovey.
0:55:41 > 0:55:44What else is there?
0:55:44 > 0:55:47I haven't given up hope yet, you know. I'm only 43.
0:55:47 > 0:55:50- 45!- Where there's life, there's hope.
0:55:50 > 0:55:52Besides, it wouldn't work out.
0:55:52 > 0:55:56You'd never be able to accept my tights drip-drying in your sink, would you?
0:55:58 > 0:56:01- I might.- You wouldn't.
0:56:01 > 0:56:04You'd grow to hate me with all my female paraphernalia on show.
0:56:06 > 0:56:08Perhaps you're right.
0:56:08 > 0:56:10I know I'm right.
0:56:10 > 0:56:12I can read you like a book, Kenny.
0:56:12 > 0:56:14A love story, am I?
0:56:14 > 0:56:16A love story.
0:56:19 > 0:56:21You've got a spastic colon.
0:56:21 > 0:56:24You make it sound like I've won the lottery!
0:56:24 > 0:56:27'He told me he'd keep his eye on it.
0:56:27 > 0:56:30'I told him everything about my predicaments.
0:56:30 > 0:56:35'He said I should find a suitable companion to share my life with, not to worry.'
0:56:35 > 0:56:40You don't have to go too far, Mr Williams. A little shared mutual masturbation won't hurt you.
0:56:40 > 0:56:44- I thank you for your professional advice, Doctor.- Good.
0:56:44 > 0:56:50Mind you, better to find someone older than yourself, not someone who's after your money.
0:56:50 > 0:56:52Quite.
0:56:52 > 0:56:54'Charming.'
0:57:01 > 0:57:06I sat alone in the park thinking of likely lovers.
0:57:10 > 0:57:13But not a type entered my head.
0:57:23 > 0:57:25Lovely day for it, don't you think?
0:57:26 > 0:57:28A walk in the park.
0:57:29 > 0:57:31Oh, lovely.
0:57:33 > 0:57:36Tres romantic.
0:57:50 > 0:57:52All this excrement.
0:57:52 > 0:57:53It's a disgrace.
0:58:00 > 0:58:03MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY
0:58:03 > 0:58:06Oh, what can you say at the end of the day?
0:58:06 > 0:58:09Was the plot so sound or the lines profound?
0:58:09 > 0:58:12Was there rather less grain than chaff?
0:58:12 > 0:58:16Oh, what can you say at the end of the day?
0:58:17 > 0:58:22You can say you made them laugh.
0:58:24 > 0:58:30The essence of being funny is confidence. A buoyancy.
0:58:36 > 0:58:40My role in life is played out totally without credibility
0:58:40 > 0:58:45and so, of course, one falls back on personality playing
0:58:45 > 0:58:49and all the same old...
0:58:49 > 0:58:51tired tricks.
0:58:59 > 0:59:04'The press call seems to be going very well. We seem to have got away with it again.'
0:59:04 > 0:59:07I play the part of Thomas Cromwell,
0:59:07 > 0:59:12privy seal to King Henry VIII and protector of the crown jewels!
0:59:12 > 0:59:16- Mr Williams, could I have another word?- You may.
0:59:16 > 0:59:20What are you doing, continually appearing in these sort of films?
0:59:20 > 0:59:22Having a bloody good time, dear.
0:59:24 > 0:59:26I...beg pardon?
0:59:26 > 0:59:31Why are you continually associated with this chamber pot kind of comedy?
0:59:33 > 0:59:40Well, in our society, there was and always should be room for all kinds of entertainment,
0:59:40 > 0:59:47if it works on its own level, and that the only charge that would be taken seriously by us
0:59:47 > 0:59:54would be that the comedy, the burlesque in this case, didn't work, it wasn't funny. ..Don't you think?
0:59:54 > 0:59:57- Indubitably, Kenny. - But that's my point.
0:59:57 > 1:00:00Is your kind of comedy still funny?
1:00:02 > 1:00:06'I sometimes feel I am so useless.
1:00:06 > 1:00:10'I'm slowly splintering as a personality.
1:00:10 > 1:00:14'Feel as though I'm stuck together with stamp paper.'
1:00:15 > 1:00:21Kenneth, it's your turn to begin. The subject - stiff upper lip.
1:00:21 > 1:00:24You have 60 seconds as usual, and your time starts now.
1:00:24 > 1:00:30I have actually tried this myself at home and one evidently comes to resemble a ventriloquist's dummy.
1:00:30 > 1:00:33# Underneath the lamplight
1:00:33 > 1:00:36# Beneath the barrack door... #
1:00:36 > 1:00:39- Kenneth, you've been challenged.- Who challenged me?!
1:00:39 > 1:00:43- Clement Freud.- But I haven't finished, you great nit.
1:00:43 > 1:00:48I'm supposed to discuss it, you great fool. Interrupting me before I've even started...
1:00:48 > 1:00:55'Oh, dear. I think my star is on the wane, while all around me the rubbish proliferates.'
1:00:55 > 1:00:58- Who let this tat in here?- Kenneth...
1:00:59 > 1:01:02The Carry Ons used to be my mainstay.
1:01:02 > 1:01:05As long as they were there I never had to worry.
1:01:05 > 1:01:07Hey ho.
1:01:22 > 1:01:26I fell to musing on my condition.
1:01:26 > 1:01:30I can't have sex cos I just can't cope on that level
1:01:30 > 1:01:34and so I'm only really left with work.
1:01:34 > 1:01:37PHONE RINGS
1:01:38 > 1:01:43- Who is it?- Peter. Do you want to go on the television and chat with Michael Parkinson?
1:01:43 > 1:01:46Certainly not. North country nit.
1:01:53 > 1:01:56VOCAL INTRO
1:02:02 > 1:02:08# Oh, honey, picture me
1:02:08 > 1:02:10# Upon your knee
1:02:10 > 1:02:12# With tea for two
1:02:12 > 1:02:15# And two for tea... #
1:02:15 > 1:02:21'There is the endless question - will I remain solvent?
1:02:21 > 1:02:24'Will I last out until I am able to retire?
1:02:24 > 1:02:27'My whole life is trying to make it up to her.
1:02:27 > 1:02:33'Trying to erase all the sadness and the loneliness and only succeeding in making more loneliness,
1:02:33 > 1:02:40'cos the nights I don't spend with her serve to emphasise the others, or vice versa.'
1:02:41 > 1:02:43There's nobody in the world like my Kenny.
1:02:46 > 1:02:51'Awful dreams of Louie saying goodbye forever.'
1:02:51 > 1:02:55# ..And start to bake a sugar cake... #
1:02:55 > 1:02:58What would I do without you?
1:02:58 > 1:03:03# ..For you to take For all the boys to see... #
1:03:03 > 1:03:06Peter Eade's secretary rang.
1:03:06 > 1:03:11Thames Television, Mavis Nicholson chat show will raise the fee to £100.
1:03:11 > 1:03:13I said...
1:03:13 > 1:03:16Oh, all right.
1:03:17 > 1:03:20But this is a pyrrhic victory.
1:03:27 > 1:03:32- It's a comfort to me, Kenneth Williams, to learn that you always keep a diary.- Oh, yes.
1:03:32 > 1:03:35What's the saddest thing, when you read them, that you find in your diary?
1:03:35 > 1:03:41- That continually occurs in mine is depression.- Like saying you'd want to kill yourself or something?
1:03:41 > 1:03:45Oh yes. I often put down stuff about suicide.
1:03:45 > 1:03:47How would one go about it
1:03:47 > 1:03:49and what would be the best method?
1:03:49 > 1:03:50All that kind of thing, you know.
1:03:50 > 1:03:53Looking back, it's often, you know...
1:03:53 > 1:03:57- quite amusing.- Why do you think you'd want to kill yourself?
1:03:57 > 1:04:03Well, one would think it at the time because of an extremely low state...
1:04:03 > 1:04:08of morale. And so one does actually write something down, about what's practical.
1:04:08 > 1:04:12In terms of how one should go about it.
1:04:12 > 1:04:17After all, one tries to remain... cheerful.
1:04:17 > 1:04:19Doesn't one?
1:04:41 > 1:04:49He's been described as everything from an angry dowager to a wasp with adenoids.
1:04:49 > 1:04:53Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Mr Kenneth Williams.
1:04:55 > 1:04:59I didn't want to do this stinking rotten play in the first place!
1:04:59 > 1:05:03I'm sick to death of your complaints, Kenneth.
1:05:03 > 1:05:07You complain about the production, you complain about the cast, you complain about the lines.
1:05:07 > 1:05:09You complain about every bloody thing.
1:05:15 > 1:05:20When you're in a long run, Peter,
1:05:20 > 1:05:23the play lives with you, day and night.
1:05:23 > 1:05:25And if the conditions under which you perform
1:05:25 > 1:05:30are continually frustrating, then it ends in driving you to dementia
1:05:30 > 1:05:32and a nervous breakdown.
1:05:32 > 1:05:34Have you seen the Larry Grayson show?
1:05:34 > 1:05:37- No.- A complete crib of your act.
1:05:37 > 1:05:40- Really?- And John Inman is doing the same thing on the BBC.
1:05:40 > 1:05:43They're finding other people to do what you do, Kenneth.
1:05:43 > 1:05:45And cheaper, in every sense.
1:05:45 > 1:05:50Nevertheless, you must realise you're not as unique as you once were.
1:05:50 > 1:05:54The problem is, Kenneth...
1:05:54 > 1:05:58it's got about how difficult it is to fit you into a company.
1:05:58 > 1:06:03People find you a bit of a problem, your peculiar ways...
1:06:03 > 1:06:06Oh, the penny has finally dropped for them, has it?
1:06:06 > 1:06:09I've never bloody fitted in, Peter, have I?
1:06:09 > 1:06:11I've always been bloody peculiar!
1:06:11 > 1:06:14Strung out on a limb!
1:06:14 > 1:06:17That's what makes me so grotesque!
1:06:23 > 1:06:27I feel quite peaceful and unworried.
1:06:27 > 1:06:35It is odd. One minute I'm thinking I'll never act again and then I don't bother about it at all.
1:06:52 > 1:06:55DOORBELL RINGS
1:06:55 > 1:06:59Tomorrow, a voiceover for Unigate Milk.
1:06:59 > 1:07:02DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN
1:07:23 > 1:07:25I've had a terrible shock.
1:07:25 > 1:07:31I just met Louie in the street and she said, "'Scuse me, I know your face, what's your name?"
1:07:31 > 1:07:33She didn't recognise me.
1:07:33 > 1:07:34Happens all the time.
1:07:34 > 1:07:37What are you doing, not recognising Joanie?
1:07:37 > 1:07:39- Joanie?- A life-long friend.
1:07:39 > 1:07:46- My skirt's too tight. - What's the matter with her? - I'm giving it to the maid.
1:07:46 > 1:07:49Don't worry. It'll pass. Thanks, Joan.
1:07:49 > 1:07:55'Peter Eade phoned with yet another big television commercial.'
1:07:55 > 1:07:57Breathe in.
1:07:57 > 1:08:03- 'He mentioned not only Brooke Bond, Rumbelows and Creda...'- And out.
1:08:03 > 1:08:08'..but also Timex watches, the Post Office and Cinzano.
1:08:08 > 1:08:12'Yesterday was PG Tips. David Frost-type voice.
1:08:12 > 1:08:14'Dubbing a chimpanzee.'
1:08:14 > 1:08:16Well, Doctor?
1:08:16 > 1:08:18What would you have me do?
1:08:21 > 1:08:25Eat bland, mushy foods and chew well.
1:08:26 > 1:08:29Thank you, Doctor.
1:08:29 > 1:08:33I remember thinking as I lay in bed...
1:08:35 > 1:08:37..I am falling...
1:08:37 > 1:08:40I am falling.
1:08:40 > 1:08:45All my life has been the process of falling.
1:08:46 > 1:08:48I know what Stevie Smith meant.
1:08:50 > 1:08:52They all think I'm waving...
1:08:54 > 1:08:55..but I'm drowning!
1:08:57 > 1:09:01My whole career has been the waving.
1:09:04 > 1:09:07'I'm a cult, I am. I'm a cult.'
1:09:08 > 1:09:14I've been eating at myself for years, just living off body fat.
1:09:14 > 1:09:19And people say, "All he does now is go on and tell those old stories we've all heard before
1:09:19 > 1:09:25"with his usual lavatory gags and camp blether - pathetic!"
1:09:30 > 1:09:32LOUIE SNORES >
1:09:32 > 1:09:38The feeling is of a clamp under the heart. And there is sweating.
1:09:38 > 1:09:42And they've opened another lesbian restaurant.
1:09:44 > 1:09:46Lebanese!
1:09:46 > 1:09:49Yes, they're all over the place now.
1:09:49 > 1:09:50Everybody's at it.
1:09:50 > 1:09:52Lebanese, you silly cow.
1:09:52 > 1:09:57You'll be sorry you spoke like that to me when I'm not here.
1:09:57 > 1:10:01- What do you mean, when you're not here?- When I'm gone. Dead.
1:10:04 > 1:10:07# Bloo is the colour Bloo is the name... #
1:10:11 > 1:10:14You know I care for you, don't you, Lou?
1:10:14 > 1:10:17As I care for no-one else in the world.
1:10:17 > 1:10:19Pass the butter.
1:10:21 > 1:10:24That's the reason I'm totally uninhibited when I'm talking to you.
1:10:24 > 1:10:26I can say what I like.
1:10:26 > 1:10:29I can be myself with you.
1:10:29 > 1:10:31Almost.
1:10:31 > 1:10:35# Bloo is the colour
1:10:35 > 1:10:37# Bloo is the name... #
1:10:39 > 1:10:42You've never given me a kiss.
1:10:42 > 1:10:45You've never come up to the guardroom where I sleep.
1:11:48 > 1:11:52I'm afraid the gastroscopy shows there is an ulcer.
1:11:52 > 1:11:56A huge ulcer in the same place.
1:11:56 > 1:12:01What you've got to decide is whether you can go on taking the pills or have the operation.
1:12:01 > 1:12:04Operation?
1:12:06 > 1:12:10Yes, you've got to remember, having the operation is important.
1:12:10 > 1:12:13The timing of the operation is crucial.
1:12:13 > 1:12:16After all, you're no spring chicken.
1:12:24 > 1:12:28Oh, matron!
1:12:35 > 1:12:38Oh, matron.
1:12:58 > 1:13:00What are you doing?
1:13:00 > 1:13:02Doing?
1:13:02 > 1:13:04What does it look like I'm doing?
1:13:04 > 1:13:05I'm brewing the tea.
1:13:09 > 1:13:10How did that get in there?
1:13:18 > 1:13:24If this situation of loneliness and despair persists,
1:13:24 > 1:13:28I will have to do either pantomime or summer season.
1:13:31 > 1:13:34Blackpool could be nice.
1:13:38 > 1:13:40What time are you stopping till?
1:13:41 > 1:13:46- I'm not stopping.- Oh. I'm going to be left on my own again tonight?
1:13:46 > 1:13:51- You'll be fine. I've marked up your Radio Times.- There'll be nowt on.
1:13:51 > 1:13:55- I'll switch your electric blanket on, shall I?- I'll never notice.- No?
1:13:55 > 1:14:02I'm always cold nowadays. My feet and bum don't register anything.
1:14:04 > 1:14:05Yes. That's true.
1:14:11 > 1:14:15- What time would you like your tea? - I've had my cup of tea.
1:14:15 > 1:14:20In the morning. When will I fetch you a tea?
1:14:20 > 1:14:23Let's play it by ear. Goodnight, Lou.
1:14:24 > 1:14:26- Goodnight.- I love you.
1:14:26 > 1:14:28I love you.
1:14:29 > 1:14:33Kenny, have I got any sugar left?
1:14:33 > 1:14:35You're sweet enough.
1:14:36 > 1:14:38Flatterer.
1:14:38 > 1:14:41- Goodnight.- Goodnight, son.
1:14:49 > 1:14:52I've very little time for illness.
1:14:52 > 1:14:55I don't mind about dying, not at all.
1:14:55 > 1:14:59But I'm frightened to death about pain.
1:14:59 > 1:15:04I have a secret contempt for all weakness, including my own.
1:15:31 > 1:15:33Well, the cheek of it.
1:15:36 > 1:15:38Didn't even bother to wave goodbye.
1:15:38 > 1:15:40Could have waited for me.
1:15:40 > 1:15:42Fickle.
1:16:01 > 1:16:04Had meal with Louie at 5.30.
1:16:04 > 1:16:09Saw the news. Watched dreary saga of murder and mayhem.
1:16:09 > 1:16:16By 6.30 the pain in the back was pulsating as never done before.
1:16:16 > 1:16:21So this, plus the stomach trouble combines to torture me.
1:16:23 > 1:16:27Oh, what's the bloody point?
1:16:30 > 1:16:33What's the bloody point?!
1:16:58 > 1:17:00Kenny?
1:17:00 > 1:17:02Kenny!
1:17:04 > 1:17:05It's me.
1:17:05 > 1:17:07I've got you a cup of tea.
1:17:07 > 1:17:10SHE RINGS DOORBELL
1:17:21 > 1:17:24It's me.
1:17:24 > 1:17:28It's how you like it - sweet.
1:17:36 > 1:17:38Kenny?
1:17:42 > 1:17:45Kenny!
1:17:47 > 1:17:48Are you there, son?
1:17:52 > 1:17:54Oh...
1:17:54 > 1:18:01Kenneth Williams was found dead from an overdose of barbiturates, Thursday 14th April 1988.
1:18:01 > 1:18:03The Coroner asked...
1:18:03 > 1:18:09"Could the pills have been taken accidentally?"
1:18:09 > 1:18:11The doctor replied...
1:18:11 > 1:18:15"It is possible, but not likely."
1:18:15 > 1:18:18The Coroner recorded an open verdict.
1:18:52 > 1:18:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd