0:00:06 > 0:00:09Glasgow is a most fabulous city.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12My great Glaswegian friend, Janey Godley says,
0:00:12 > 0:00:16- SCOTTISH ACCENT - Nicholas Parsons, born in England but made in Glasgow.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Glasgow is remembered by everybody in our business, pure and simply,
0:00:27 > 0:00:29from the Glasgow Empire
0:00:29 > 0:00:34which was reputed to be the comedian's graveyard.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36SHOUTS
0:00:36 > 0:00:39All I can say, and I hope everybody can forgive me,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43is only my laundryman and myself knew how terrified I was.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46I've fainted with fear at Glasgow Empire.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48JEERS FROM CROWD
0:00:48 > 0:00:50All right, Glasgow? Yeah!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Pantomime, I wanted to do in Scotland.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Any time I had the chance to go back and do it,
0:00:59 > 0:01:01it would be to Glasgow I would go.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06We felt it was our audience.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09We felt, yeah, we are Glasgow.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12In fact, someone said that to us when we were up there the last time.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15They said, "You two must be Mr and Mrs Glasgow now."
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Which is a lovely saying.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22It was magical, absolutely magical.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26The orchestra would play the overture and you would wait there.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29And then the curtain would rise and there were footlights,
0:01:29 > 0:01:31so the footlights would welcome you
0:01:31 > 0:01:34and you could feel the atmosphere of the audience coming towards you.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36It was wonderful.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37It's Glasgow!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52This is my city.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Big town, boom town.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Brawling town.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Ships are made here.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Slide down its slipways to the coffee-coloured Clyde
0:02:04 > 0:02:06and sail out, flanked by cranes
0:02:06 > 0:02:09that rear like rampant monsters to the sea.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14The shipyards were a great place. It was full of humour.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I think they had to be under their working conditions.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Everybody had different nicknames and everybody knew each other
0:02:20 > 0:02:22so the patter was going all the time.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Well, the patter went all day long. It really did.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29They would have nicknames for people, you know.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31There was one foreman, he kept...
0:02:31 > 0:02:34They called him the Sheriff. He kept rushing up saying,
0:02:34 > 0:02:37"What's the hold up? What's the hold up?" He was Sheriff.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I'd just come from an English public school
0:02:43 > 0:02:45and I was talking very much like that.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- And they were... - GLASGOW PATTER
0:02:54 > 0:02:58Not only that, the biggest shock of all,
0:02:58 > 0:03:02I discovered they were using words as adjectives
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I'd only seen on lavatory walls before.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09It was a living, breathing experience.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I mean, they may have been strange to me
0:03:11 > 0:03:14but I was an absolute oddball to them.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16How I survived, I don't know.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21It was really a platform.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Hard work, they probably hated it,
0:03:24 > 0:03:27so it was a platform for gags that were flying around all day.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30But then slowly they thought,
0:03:30 > 0:03:34maybe we'll get a job in a variety theatre by night
0:03:34 > 0:03:37and slowly you might be able to leave the shipyard
0:03:37 > 0:03:39and then become a professional comedian or entertainer.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Some of the comedians moved up from that
0:03:42 > 0:03:45and made a living from it, eventually.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Billy Connolly is your example of that, you know.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Billy's a wonderful example of Scots humour in comedy.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I wear finger picks. Do you see that? Do you know why that is?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58It's because I used to work in the shipyards.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- LAUGHTER - Really.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04And the reason I wear finger picks because of the shipyards
0:04:04 > 0:04:08was these wee time keepers, they used to have a wee hut and they sat in it.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Waiting for you, this wee...
0:04:13 > 0:04:17And it had a wee flap on the window, this wee hut.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20And if you were late, you were allowed 15 minutes
0:04:20 > 0:04:23and I used to come clattering along with sandwiches
0:04:23 > 0:04:26flying into the air, trying to get in in time.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Imagine running into the shipyard, you know.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Trying to get in. my God.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35He'd wait until you were three yards and go...
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Aargh!!
0:04:37 > 0:04:40There's lots of Billy Connollys around.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42You can walk into any pub
0:04:42 > 0:04:44and you'll meet a Billy Connolly.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Most pubs you go into in Glasgow,
0:04:47 > 0:04:51there's always a story teller at the bar and he'll be telling you a story.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Mind you, I wasn't always lucky in New York. No fear.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56I had an operation while I was there.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59You see, they had to take a piece of bone out of my left leg
0:04:59 > 0:05:03which they still have in a bottle with a label on it.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07And the bottle says "The only thing we ever got out of a Scotsman!"
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Of course, I was unconscious at the time or they'd never have got it.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Every Glaswegian's a comic really.
0:05:14 > 0:05:19I went to a fairly posh school but all the boys loved speaking
0:05:19 > 0:05:24gutter Glasgow to the horror of their parents.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27And they were all rushed to elocution classes.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31There was a famous director who used to say,
0:05:31 > 0:05:35"Glasgow's got two industries - shipbuilding and elocution."
0:05:35 > 0:05:39You can go into Glasgow, you can stand at a bus stop
0:05:39 > 0:05:41and talk to the woman beside you,
0:05:41 > 0:05:44and you will hear her whole life story before the bus comes.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46You will go and sit in a restaurant
0:05:46 > 0:05:49and if you sit at somebody's table and they're strangers,
0:05:49 > 0:05:54again, same story, you will not sit there po-faced as you would in Edinburgh and not talk.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58Edinburgh and Glasgow, same country, very different cities.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02In Edinburgh when a gun goes off, it's one o'clock.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Edinburgh loves Glasgow humour too.
0:06:10 > 0:06:15Glasgow humour is the lingua franca of Scottish humour, really.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18At first I didn't know that until I played Aberdeen.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22It's Glasgow they want to hear, Glaswegian.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Glasgow was probably one of the cities in the country
0:06:28 > 0:06:30that had the most theatres.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34These theatres, especially in Glasgow, they just opened up.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39Local neighbourhood theatres from the Gorbals to the Gallowgate.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Very much of the people for the people.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46It was a really, really scruffy, scruffy theatre called the Queen's Theatre.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I was once taken to the balcony
0:06:49 > 0:06:53because I insisted on seeing what it was like. I love theatre.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56I remember the audience down below were sitting on benches.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00One part was tip-up seats and another part was benches.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08If they didn't like the act they threw things on stage.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Somebody actually did stand in the wings and did pull them off
0:07:11 > 0:07:15with a long hook thing. That really did exist.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22I remember my mother being furious my father had taken me there. "How could you take her there?"
0:07:25 > 0:07:30Glasgow had a very, very distinctive style of variety theatre
0:07:30 > 0:07:33which was very much working class.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40It was always, basically, the same but that's why variety
0:07:40 > 0:07:42was so good, because you had so many different acts.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45You never knew. If you got a programme you knew who was on
0:07:45 > 0:07:49but sometimes it was better without a programme, as a surprise to what was coming on.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51You wanted to see the support acts.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54They were part and parcel of your evening. You'd get your dancers...
0:08:01 > 0:08:03You had a novelty act which could be a dog.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Then you'd have, perhaps, a magician or a juggler.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17You'd get your soubrette who would sing songs.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18They were called soubrettes.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22They would sometimes put the words of the song down
0:08:22 > 0:08:25so that you could actually sing it. They'd be mad songs.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27# An aeroplane, an aeroplane
0:08:27 > 0:08:29# Away we go up high... #
0:08:29 > 0:08:33That sort of thing. Mad. But the audience loved it and joined in.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39It was just amazing, amazing. I'm very glad to have been part of it.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47The only place that still does variety is the Pavilion.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58I think we're probably the only traditional variety theatre
0:08:58 > 0:08:59left in Glasgow.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03It's a great-shaped theatre for comedy.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06It's intimate and it's lovely and it's in the centre of town,
0:09:06 > 0:09:09and it was a brilliant place for comedy.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11- It is a typical...- Variety hall.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21The difference with the Pavilion is that you're very close to them.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24The balcony comes down and sits in a curve
0:09:24 > 0:09:26and you could almost shake hands with someone sitting...
0:09:26 > 0:09:29They had ashtrays at the side, you could shake hands with someone.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31They were so close to you.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34You'd speak to the man in the box and that's where that localised,
0:09:34 > 0:09:38close humour developed from and that made them feel much warmer.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41And then you can see the reaction, the people can see
0:09:41 > 0:09:45the reaction of the people's faces in the box as well. They've got two audiences.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49They're watching the stage and watching the people in the box if they're talking to them.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Out!
0:09:54 > 0:09:58- Who are you? - I am a Spanish bull fighter.- Oh?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- Are you a matador or a toreador? - No, I'm a shutta-door.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06It's got good memories for me, this theatre. Ian and I met here.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09We met in this theatre in the panto.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13Ian was the electrician and Janette was one of the dancers on stage
0:10:13 > 0:10:16and the romance blossomed, I think, and still going.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- He used to throw me sweets down. - That sounds terrible.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- Merry Maid caramels. - Do you want a sweetie, wee girl?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27I can't say what the tag is, it's too rude.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- Keep quiet, sonny, there's a show on.- Would you like a crisp?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34No, he doesn't want a crisp. Just keep quiet.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Sorry, as you can gather from my accent I'm from Scotland.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39I cannae find the wee blue bag.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50The man who was the big star at the Pavilion,
0:10:50 > 0:10:52round about 1949 I'm talking about,
0:10:52 > 0:10:56was Tommy Morgan. Tommy Morgan was a lovely man to work with.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58"Clarety, clarety" was his saying.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04# Oh, clarety, clarety, be full of the joys of spring
0:11:04 > 0:11:07# Don't you travel, travel, And good luck it will bring. #
0:11:07 > 0:11:11His catch phrase was "clarety, clarety",
0:11:11 > 0:11:15which was a derivation of "I declare, I declare".
0:11:15 > 0:11:17I don't know how it came in to "clarety, clarety",
0:11:17 > 0:11:19it kind of shortened in.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21He was a great, great man, a great comic
0:11:21 > 0:11:24and had great following at the Pavilion.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26He was there for years and years and years.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29He performed there at least 19 years.
0:11:29 > 0:11:3119 summer seasons.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35- I saw Tommy Morgan, you'll fall about with this...- Oh, really?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37..at my Auntie Jessie's wedding.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39In those days you used to have weddings,
0:11:39 > 0:11:43you either had the wedding do but sometimes you went to the theatre.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- We all went to the theatre and we were in the box.- After the church.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49After the church. We had fish and chips at the Berkley and then
0:11:49 > 0:11:54- we went to the theatre. There'd be about 40 of us.- Funny wedding.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Funny what they used to do. And Tommy Morgan was on.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Tommy Morgan's ashes were secretly buried in the attic in here
0:12:03 > 0:12:06so we just leave him alone and he looks down at us.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08I think that's the thing, he looks after us.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12There always seems to be something, a show that comes out of the blue
0:12:12 > 0:12:15for the Pavilion and not saves us, but keeps us going.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18I bought him that jacket. The wine jacket. I bought him that.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21I told him that night, son, you wear that jacket
0:12:21 > 0:12:23and you will meet the woman of your dreams.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26And he ended up with her.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31Two Irish people came into the theatre wanting to hire the theatre for a summer season.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35And I said, what's it for? A play, Mrs Brown. I said, no.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38They went away and came back every day into the foyer
0:12:38 > 0:12:41and stood there until I saw them.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43This went on for probably a week, I chased them and said,
0:12:43 > 0:12:45"That'll never work."
0:12:45 > 0:12:50I think what Brendan O'Carroll does will resonate with Glaswegians
0:12:50 > 0:12:55because it's so down to earth in the way that
0:12:55 > 0:12:58people love in Glasgow.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Mark told me he had the best mum in the world
0:13:00 > 0:13:02and it turned out to be you.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Ooh!
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- So, Mrs Brown... - I'm not finished my stare yet.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20At first I didn't know it was a man at all.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24He's so believable as that little Irish housewife.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Terrific, terrific.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Very, very funny.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30I was just glad they waited 12 years
0:13:30 > 0:13:32and I got 12 years out of it before it disappeared...
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Because it's now doing arenas, you know.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38I'm glad I got the 12 years' business out of it.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Surprised? Yeah.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44I'm surprised because it's not the usual kind of comedy
0:13:44 > 0:13:48that television would take on, you know. It's, how can you say it?
0:13:48 > 0:13:52It's old-fashioned variety, really, that's where it stems from.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03I think we're the only sliding roof in the UK.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07It used to be the advert, come and see the stars at the Pavilion.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11They opened the roof at the interval and you looked up
0:14:11 > 0:14:12and there were the stars.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15They weren't on the stage, they were up in the sky.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22I used to open that roof when I worked there,
0:14:22 > 0:14:26- when I was the electrician.- You used to clean that chandelier as well.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29There's no chandelier because it fell down when I was cleaning it.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32They used to have two beautiful big chandeliers.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33And they were doing them.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37I was supposed to unwind it, a huge big thing you had to do.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Anyway, I flipped the ratchet up and it wouldn't go back down
0:14:40 > 0:14:42and it just come smashing down.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45They were doing a dress rehearsal at the time.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48And the man who owned the theatre, Mr Ballantine, just said to me,
0:14:48 > 0:14:52"That's dreadful, dear boy, take the other one down, we can't risk that."
0:14:52 > 0:14:54I didn't tell him it was me that flipped it.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Obviously there was something wrong with it.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11If you were a little bit well off, you pay your one and sixpence
0:15:11 > 0:15:13or something or a shilling to get into the local.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Then you might, if you had a little bit more money,
0:15:16 > 0:15:18then go to the Empire on a Saturday night.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Maybe to see some top-notch entertainer.
0:15:32 > 0:15:37When you went out with your first boyfriends, you knew you had arrived
0:15:37 > 0:15:41if you were taken to the Empire Theatre and sat in the front row.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Then you discovered years later that the boyfriends that took you
0:15:44 > 0:15:47there had regular bookings, it didn't matter who
0:15:47 > 0:15:50they took on a Saturday night but you were special.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54Glasgow Empire opened in 1891 and that's when it started
0:15:54 > 0:15:59off with the big shows coming over, the big orchestras and that.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01And then through the years it slowly built up
0:16:01 > 0:16:04and people went to Empire to see the big stars.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Harry Houdini, while he was appearing in Glasgow, the great
0:16:22 > 0:16:25escapologist, at one point went to use the backstage toilet,
0:16:25 > 0:16:28got locked in the toilet, couldn't get out
0:16:28 > 0:16:32and one of the cleaners and the porter had to come and free him.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34It's a hard one to believe that Harry Houdini would get
0:16:34 > 0:16:37himself locked in to a toilet.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39I wouldn't think so but that's the story.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Probably the most famous act to play the Empire
0:16:48 > 0:16:50was Wilson, Keppel and Betty.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03They did a sand dance.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07To this day you would never think that these people could earn
0:17:07 > 0:17:11a living coming on like the Sphinx and doing a sand dance to
0:17:11 > 0:17:16that song, dur dur dur, dur-dur, dur dur dur...that one.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17But they did.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Da-da, deedl-deedl-deedl, dressed with a wee fez and a wee, short, white skirt.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23They played it probably more than anybody...ever!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41And that particular week, I did Wilson, Keppel and Beattie.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44And we did the same thing and I wrote a wee thing...
0:17:44 > 0:17:46# We are the Calton coolies
0:17:46 > 0:17:48# But we're no foolies
0:17:48 > 0:17:49# Not on your life
0:17:49 > 0:17:50# On your life, on your life
0:17:50 > 0:17:51# We've come to... #
0:17:51 > 0:17:54And I did the song and then we did the wee dance and that.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56The problem with the audience in the Empire,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59when they went to the Empire, they wanted to see the star.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03So, the supporting acts got a hard time sometimes.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Glasgow is remembered by everybody in our business, simply,
0:18:07 > 0:18:11pure and simply from the Glasgow Empire.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15Which was reputed to be the comedian's graveyard.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Comic's graveyard... it's where they died.
0:18:21 > 0:18:26This was the reputation that Glasgow Empire got.
0:18:26 > 0:18:31That's the one theatre people in our business talk about,
0:18:31 > 0:18:34the Glasgow Empire and if you say "The Glasgow Empire"
0:18:34 > 0:18:38to older performers, they would usually go "Oh, ho-ho-ho..."
0:18:38 > 0:18:39They remember it.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42I remember once going on there and we came off to our own footsteps.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46And the fireman was in the corner and he said to us, he says,
0:18:46 > 0:18:47"They're getting to like you."
0:18:47 > 0:18:49LAUGHTER
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- Really? They hadn't thrown anything. - They hadn't thrown anything, yes.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53They sat there.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56There's a comic, I won't mention his name but he fainted, Des O'Connor.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Yes.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59LAUGHTER
0:19:03 > 0:19:06He actually walked on and went...
0:19:06 > 0:19:08As a kid, I used to see some southern comics
0:19:08 > 0:19:10die on their backside in Glasgow.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Poor Des O'Connor was one of them, God bless him.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17There's a famous story of Des O'Connor fainting on stage.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Poor Des.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22I fainted with fear at Glasgow Empire.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26No-one told me that the national sport, at that time of Scotland, was
0:19:26 > 0:19:30go to the Empire on a Friday night and wait for the English comic.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32LAUGHTER
0:19:32 > 0:19:34And I'd been in showbiz about half an hour...
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Four weeks to be exact and my agent said, "Well, if you do well
0:19:37 > 0:19:41"up there, there's 35 weeks on that tour, that Moss Empires circuit."
0:19:41 > 0:19:44And I went up there and I didn't know what I was going in to.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48And they dragged me from my room, half made up, half hair done,
0:19:48 > 0:19:50threw me on and I walked out
0:19:50 > 0:19:53and I was about as funny as a road accident, you can imagine.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55And I was telling the jokes back to front.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57I said to myself, you just told that one.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58No, you didn't. Yes, you did.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Well, I won't now. I didn't get a laugh first time!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04But actually hearing a silence...
0:20:04 > 0:20:06You can hear a silence. Listen.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10When it's that quiet, it gets louder!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12When there's 3,000 people watching you.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14So I thought, "I don't need this.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- "I'm going to faint!" - LAUGHTER
0:20:17 > 0:20:20It took a lot of courage, now I realise, or stupidity.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22And I went down in a heap on the stage.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25And I remember the musical director's head...
0:20:25 > 0:20:27He pulled himself up over the footlights. He said,
0:20:27 > 0:20:29"This isn't the act, son. This isn't the act."
0:20:29 > 0:20:31- LAUGHTER - I said, "No, get me off.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32"I've had it."
0:20:32 > 0:20:36And they dragged me off through the curtains, upstairs.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Eric Morecambe, for years... He started some of the stuff.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41He said that I was the only comic selling advertising space
0:20:41 > 0:20:43on the soles of his shoes.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45LAUGHTER
0:20:45 > 0:20:48The story there was he was rushed up to the Royal Infirmary in Glasgow.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51His manager, I believe, followed him up and says,
0:20:51 > 0:20:53"Come on, get back. You're on again in the second half."
0:20:53 > 0:20:56And he appeared about another eight times after that in the Glasgow Empire.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59So it couldn't have been that bad.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02I think a lot of the comics come on...
0:21:02 > 0:21:04They looked nervous, you know?
0:21:04 > 0:21:05And that just made them worse.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13What a hard life they have when they walk out on that stage
0:21:13 > 0:21:16and there's all those people looking at them and they think,
0:21:16 > 0:21:20"God, I hope you're going to laugh. I hope you haven't had a bad day."
0:21:20 > 0:21:22And they put in the first gag
0:21:22 > 0:21:24and they wait for that reaction.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30If they didn't get a laugh, they got worse.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34Because comedians, they thrive on input
0:21:34 > 0:21:36and if it got quieter and quieter and quieter,
0:21:36 > 0:21:40you could actually see them cringe, dying to get off.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46All artists were nervous playing The Empire Glasgow.
0:21:46 > 0:21:47No doubt about it.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50They were a tough audience.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52# Bamba, bamba
0:21:52 > 0:21:53# Bamba, bamba
0:21:53 > 0:21:55# Bamba, bamba... #
0:21:55 > 0:21:57They say that Shirley Bassey, when she came,
0:21:57 > 0:21:59the first time she came,
0:21:59 > 0:22:01they were talking and sherricking her
0:22:01 > 0:22:03and she just stopped dead and went to the front of the stage
0:22:03 > 0:22:05and told them if they didn't shut up, she wasn't singing.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07And they just...that was it.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09She had them in the palm of her hand after that.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11# O-o-o-oh, yes! #
0:22:11 > 0:22:13APPLAUSE
0:22:13 > 0:22:16They are good audiences,
0:22:16 > 0:22:20cos they understand creativity and performance.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22And if they like you, they're wonderful.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25But if they don't like you, they let you know.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28They lose all interest in you whatsoever
0:22:28 > 0:22:31and you might as well just leave.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Because you're doing no-one any good, you or them.
0:22:33 > 0:22:34So just get off the stage.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38BOOING
0:22:38 > 0:22:42The verbal comedians, with their southern accent,
0:22:42 > 0:22:45weren't liked by a lot of the Scottish audiences
0:22:45 > 0:22:47because they couldn't understand them.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51I went on and I started my little preamble, praying...
0:22:51 > 0:22:55And I'm not a religious man but praying that I wouldn't be killed.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58And a bloke in the gods shouted out,
0:22:58 > 0:23:01"Och, away hame you Sassenach.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05"Who are you, coming up from London with all your la-di-da?"
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Well, I was trying to speak English!
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Somebody like Bruce Forsyth now would be out there
0:23:09 > 0:23:12and if somebody sherricked him from the audience,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15bang, you put in a line and cut it.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Good evening. How are you? All right?
0:23:18 > 0:23:19Did you wonder where you were?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21LAUGHTER
0:23:21 > 0:23:23That's it. Got the sandwiches?
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Bob Monkhouse would be the same.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29His only problem was he used to say that
0:23:29 > 0:23:32if he did get a sherrick from the audience
0:23:32 > 0:23:34he had to let it go past
0:23:34 > 0:23:37because he couldn't always understand the diction.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41"Get off, ya bass. Oh, you big jessie." HE MUMBLES
0:23:41 > 0:23:44But no, there is a swathe of Scots
0:23:44 > 0:23:48who are sort of anti-English.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51And the lower down you go in the classes,
0:23:51 > 0:23:52an awful thing to say,
0:23:52 > 0:23:54the more you get at that.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59And the more, kind of, sentimental they are about Scotland,
0:23:59 > 0:24:01in a quite ridiculous way.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04# I'm only a common old working lad
0:24:04 > 0:24:08# As anyone can see
0:24:08 > 0:24:12# But when I get a couple of drinks on a Saturday
0:24:12 > 0:24:15# Glasgow belongs to me. #
0:24:15 > 0:24:17All the trouble, really,
0:24:17 > 0:24:19and all this heckling thing you hear about,
0:24:19 > 0:24:23it started...it would be on a Friday night, later.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27The licensing laws in those days were extremely strict.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30No drink whatsoever after 9:30.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34So they'd sunk a few and if the bar was still open in the theatre,
0:24:34 > 0:24:36it was at the interval,
0:24:36 > 0:24:39it was the last chance they had to get a drink before it.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41So when they came back, they had quite a few.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Then in they go to the theatre, "Eh! Oh!"
0:24:45 > 0:24:48It was "Let's party" time. You know?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50INDISTINCT SHOUTING AND BOOING
0:24:52 > 0:24:54They used to throw things, as well.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56That was... I never had that, thank God.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00But I've seen people having tomatoes and things thrown at them.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04BOOING
0:25:04 > 0:25:08And the pennies would come from the gallery and land on the stage.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12And some comics would make a joke of it and pick up the money and say,
0:25:12 > 0:25:14"Good, that'll help my wages this week."
0:25:14 > 0:25:16And others would say, "Oh."
0:25:16 > 0:25:18It just put them off, kind of thing. You know?
0:25:18 > 0:25:21And then they realised, being Scotsmen,
0:25:21 > 0:25:23that they were mad throwing money away.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26So they used to take the screws from their work
0:25:26 > 0:25:30or small parts of rivets and things and throw them.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32And they were quite dangerous, as you can imagine.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37The classic story of all time, of course,
0:25:37 > 0:25:39is the Mike and Bernie Winters story.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42They came up here before they were known as Mike and Bernie Winters.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45They really were just starting off in their careers.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Everybody's talking about me.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49I've just made a very big novelty record.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50- A novelty record?- Mm!
0:25:50 > 0:25:53They say I'm going to be the next Shirley Bassey.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Shirley Bassey is a girl.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57I told you it was a novelty record!
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Mike was the straight man who went on first.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03And he'd come on and play the clarinet, right?
0:26:08 > 0:26:09It wasn't bad but...
0:26:12 > 0:26:14They didn't like it very much.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17And he was dying the death quietly.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Suddenly, from behind the curtains, appeared Bernie.
0:26:22 > 0:26:27Who puts his head through the curtains and goes, "Eeeeh!"
0:26:27 > 0:26:30INDISTINCT BABY TALK
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Eeeeeeh!
0:26:33 > 0:26:35And a voice from the gallery said,
0:26:35 > 0:26:37"Christ, there's two of them."
0:26:39 > 0:26:41And every time you died?
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Well, it was getting pretty regular, yes.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46LAUGHTER
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- So why did... Did you ever think of giving it up?- Well, I couldn't.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50It was my living, wasn't it?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:57 > 0:27:01The biggest problem was to get southern artists,
0:27:01 > 0:27:03especially comedians, to work Glasgow
0:27:03 > 0:27:05cos it was a tough theatre.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07You were in a trap.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10If you wanted to play the number-one dates,
0:27:10 > 0:27:12you had to play Glasgow.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14So yes, there was a problem.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Sometimes it could be covered by an extra fee.
0:27:17 > 0:27:18There's a little mouse,
0:27:18 > 0:27:21a little mouse walking along the pavement in Piccadilly, there.
0:27:21 > 0:27:22And a woman frightened it.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24It stepped off the kerb and got knocked down by a bus.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Picked himself up, went across the road and went into a music shop.
0:27:27 > 0:27:32- Said to the man behind the counter, "Do you sell mouse organs?" - LAUGHTER
0:27:32 > 0:27:33There was another story.
0:27:33 > 0:27:34Max Miller, years ago,
0:27:34 > 0:27:37he had appeared in the Empire and did his stint
0:27:37 > 0:27:40and his agent asked him a few weeks later
0:27:40 > 0:27:42to go back to the Empire and he said, "No."
0:27:42 > 0:27:45He said, "I'm not a missionary, I'm a comedian."
0:27:45 > 0:27:47So he didn't want to go back up to the Empire!
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Doon the line a train came puffin'.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Scotland - ten, England - nothing.
0:27:55 > 0:27:56Arr!
0:27:56 > 0:28:00It's not true to say that it was just a graveyard for everybody.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02I think Ken Dodd had a difficult time to begin with
0:28:02 > 0:28:05but then was beloved and came back many a time.
0:28:05 > 0:28:06I'll talk to you, sir.
0:28:06 > 0:28:07You look full of the spirit.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09LAUGHTER
0:28:09 > 0:28:11He's full of something. He keeps slipping out of his seat!
0:28:11 > 0:28:15My first line to a Glasgow audience was,
0:28:15 > 0:28:17- POSH ACCENT:- "I suppose you're all wondering
0:28:17 > 0:28:18"why I've sent for you."
0:28:18 > 0:28:21And a man uncoiled himself from about the third row,
0:28:21 > 0:28:22with half a bottle of whisky,
0:28:22 > 0:28:24and he looked at me and said,
0:28:24 > 0:28:26"Cripes! What a horrible sight."
0:28:28 > 0:28:30And the audience roared and that was it.
0:28:30 > 0:28:31I was in.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34Ken could play anywhere and do well.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36He just won't go until he does well.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39I go to the doctor's and the doctor tells me I need a holiday. He said,
0:28:39 > 0:28:41"Why not take a hiking holiday? Have a break, have a kitbag."
0:28:41 > 0:28:44- So, I... - LAUGHTER
0:28:44 > 0:28:46I said to him, "While I'm at it, could I have a wig with a hole in?
0:28:46 > 0:28:48"Cos I might be playing a bit of polo."
0:28:48 > 0:28:49He said, "No, certainly not.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52"There's too much of this abusing the National Health Service."
0:28:52 > 0:28:54He said, "We had a fellow in here this morning.
0:28:54 > 0:28:55"He wanted four wooden legs -
0:28:55 > 0:28:59- "He was making a coffee table." So anyhow, as I said... - LAUGHTER
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Yeah. Well, he still comes up every year
0:29:01 > 0:29:04and does two nights in the Pavilion to sold-out houses.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06You're there to one o'clock in the morning.
0:29:06 > 0:29:09Take your sandwiches and your flask. Yeah.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11So still going strong.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13# I've got more than my share
0:29:13 > 0:29:18# Of happiness. #
0:29:20 > 0:29:25In the 1950s, of course, a lot of the big American acts came over.
0:29:25 > 0:29:26It was a threat, I think, they said,
0:29:26 > 0:29:28"You want to play the London Palladium?"
0:29:28 > 0:29:30And every American did.
0:29:30 > 0:29:32"Certainly, you shall play the Palladium.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35"But you have to do a week at the Glasgow Empire."
0:29:35 > 0:29:38The Glasgow Empire was the start of the European tour
0:29:38 > 0:29:41and they said if you made it at the Glasgow Empire,
0:29:41 > 0:29:42you could make it anywhere.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49A lot of the American stars were very popular up there.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52Bob Hope was but he had to admit... his line was, he said,
0:29:52 > 0:29:58"if you like you, they let you live," he said!
0:29:58 > 0:29:59Now, we don't have titles in America.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01We have two classes -
0:30:01 > 0:30:02the people and the Kennedys.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05LAUGHTER
0:30:05 > 0:30:08APPLAUSE
0:30:10 > 0:30:13And there are more Kennedys than people.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17Jack Benny... and you couldn't get more American.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20And Bob Hope the same but Benny more.
0:30:20 > 0:30:23I think they liked the thing that he portrayed
0:30:23 > 0:30:24of being so mean!
0:30:24 > 0:30:28The Scots - sorry, Scotland - they like that.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30Of course, I know what you're laughing at.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33You know, you believe all that stuff about my being stingy
0:30:33 > 0:30:37and you call it mean over here, I believe.
0:30:37 > 0:30:38But believe me, ladies and gentlemen,
0:30:38 > 0:30:43that is a character that I assume on the television,
0:30:43 > 0:30:45just for your entertainment.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47Because I'm not stingy or anything.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49I throw my money away, you know.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51Not far. But...
0:30:51 > 0:30:53LAUGHTER
0:30:53 > 0:30:57I was doing one of those seasons at the Alhambra
0:30:57 > 0:31:01when Eartha Kitt was playing the Empire.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05And my wife went to see it.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09# I'm just an old-fashioned girl
0:31:09 > 0:31:12# With an old-fashioned mind
0:31:12 > 0:31:14# Not sophisticated
0:31:14 > 0:31:16# I'm the sweet and simple kind
0:31:16 > 0:31:18# I want an old-fashioned house
0:31:18 > 0:31:21# With an old-fashioned fence
0:31:21 > 0:31:25# And an old-fashioned millionaire... #
0:31:25 > 0:31:29Anyway, I got the news from my wife that she had dried.
0:31:29 > 0:31:32She kind of fluffed a couple of lines
0:31:32 > 0:31:35and was pretty mortified.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38How mortified, my wife discovered
0:31:38 > 0:31:42when the agent who had come up from London to support Eartha
0:31:42 > 0:31:44grabbed my wife and said,
0:31:44 > 0:31:46"She's very temperamental. Come backstage.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49"I'm going to need all the help I can get!"
0:31:49 > 0:31:53So my wife went backstage but unfortunately,
0:31:53 > 0:31:58the manager of the theatre had invited two Kelvinside ladies round.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01"We'd rather like to meet Eartha Kitt."
0:32:01 > 0:32:04"Oh, well, come backstage and I'll introduce you."
0:32:05 > 0:32:09So, those hapless ladies - not being in the business
0:32:09 > 0:32:13and not realising how vulnerable artists are after they've given
0:32:13 > 0:32:16a performance - especially ones in which you've just buggered
0:32:16 > 0:32:20something up - sailed into the dressing room and said,
0:32:20 > 0:32:22"Hello, we enjoyed your performance very much.
0:32:22 > 0:32:25"Did you forget your lines at one point?"
0:32:25 > 0:32:31And of course, Eartha was curled up like a cat glaring at them,
0:32:31 > 0:32:36and my wife rushed in and said, "Miss Kitt, it was wonderful."
0:32:40 > 0:32:43I saw a matinee with Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis,
0:32:43 > 0:32:47and Jerry Lewis was walking up and down the corridor.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50And I never realised he was so handsome.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52And the stage door keeper said to me,
0:32:52 > 0:32:56"Jerry Lewis is very upset Dean Martin is not here yet."
0:32:56 > 0:32:59This was for a matinee. And I said, "Oh."
0:32:59 > 0:33:03He said, "Yes, they think he's been out on the booze."
0:33:03 > 0:33:07- # Pour it as quickly as you can - Hey, brother, pour the wine... #
0:33:07 > 0:33:09Jerry Lewis was getting distraught
0:33:09 > 0:33:12because the show was due to go on very shortly,
0:33:12 > 0:33:15and I was standing at the stage door,
0:33:15 > 0:33:19and all of a sudden this car drew up and out came Dean Martin.
0:33:19 > 0:33:23# Pour the wine, pour the wine, pour the wine. #
0:33:23 > 0:33:26And I think they'd found him in a hotel in Loch Lomond, him
0:33:26 > 0:33:28and the musical director.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32So they were getting about Scotland while they were there.
0:33:32 > 0:33:36Jerry Lewis wasn't at all pleased.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39# Hey, brother, pour the wine! #
0:33:42 > 0:33:45Thank you very much, you're very kind.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47C note.
0:33:47 > 0:33:48PIANO PLAYS
0:33:48 > 0:33:51No, not now. Why do you want to do it now?
0:33:51 > 0:33:55- Do you know what's next on the agenda?- But I'm all set up and ready.
0:33:55 > 0:33:59I don't care if you're set up and ready, you can't do it now.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01You didn't stop me when I was just standing.
0:34:02 > 0:34:04You waited until I got the band set and everything.
0:34:04 > 0:34:08I just wanted to see if you were going to go through with this thing.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11- All right.- What, are you out of your nitwit?
0:34:11 > 0:34:13LAUGHTER
0:34:13 > 0:34:15- All right. - Do you know what comes now?- No.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17Well, you'd better, because I don't.
0:34:19 > 0:34:23Another wonderful story is Liberace.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26MUSIC: "I Could Have Danced All Night" from My Fair Lady
0:34:29 > 0:34:32Despite being American, he didn't leave any tips,
0:34:32 > 0:34:35and the stagehands were just on a pittance, and they really
0:34:35 > 0:34:38expected a few pounds in their pocket at the end of the night.
0:34:38 > 0:34:41But the problem with Liberace was not so much him
0:34:41 > 0:34:45and his lack of gratitude, it was his piano.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48This was an 18 inch rake on the Empire.
0:34:48 > 0:34:53Two stagehands had to hide under the piano the entire performance
0:34:53 > 0:34:59holding on to the legs, the wheels, to stop it rolling into the pit.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01And he still didn't give them a tip.
0:35:11 > 0:35:15People like Laurel and Hardy, great international stars,
0:35:15 > 0:35:18the only reason they got away - because they knew them
0:35:18 > 0:35:24from the films and they would suddenly start - very sensibly -
0:35:24 > 0:35:29they would start singing, # ..down to West Virginia! #
0:35:29 > 0:35:35- BOTH:- # I-i-in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia
0:35:35 > 0:35:39# On the trail of the lonesome pine... #
0:35:39 > 0:35:42Well, they liked that, and they'd seen them do it on screen,
0:35:42 > 0:35:46you see, so they got away with it. And they did the usual mucking about.
0:35:46 > 0:35:47They liked that.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49# Like the mountains, I'm blue
0:35:49 > 0:35:53# Like the pine I'm lonesome for you... #
0:35:56 > 0:36:01- HIGH-PITCHED FEMALE VOICE: - # In the Blue Ridge Mountains
0:36:01 > 0:36:10# of Virginia On the trail of the lonesome pine. #
0:36:10 > 0:36:12Can you imagine how exciting that was?
0:36:12 > 0:36:15You'd seen the movies perhaps as a kid and then Laurel
0:36:15 > 0:36:19and Hardy after the silent movie era, they went touring.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28I think the American influx really was the first time ever
0:36:28 > 0:36:32someone from outside Scotland had made an impression
0:36:32 > 0:36:35on the audiences, so suddenly they weren't English people,
0:36:35 > 0:36:39they were from somewhere else and they accepted this,
0:36:39 > 0:36:41they thought this was OK.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44And of course most of the American acts were bloomin' good anyway.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46I mean, they loved Danny Kaye.
0:36:46 > 0:36:51I think they thought he was a Scotsman! McKaye. Mackay. But...
0:36:51 > 0:36:54Because they'd seen him on the screen.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57Danny Kaye was enormous. Oh!
0:36:57 > 0:37:01He went on stage and sat down on the stage with his legs
0:37:01 > 0:37:05dangling into the orchestra pit and wowed them.
0:37:05 > 0:37:09- # Ah!- AUDIENCE: Ah!
0:37:12 > 0:37:16# Oh, here's a story about Minnie the Moocher
0:37:16 > 0:37:21# She was a low down hoochie-cootcher
0:37:21 > 0:37:24# She was the roughest and the toughest rail
0:37:24 > 0:37:27# Minnie had a heart as big as a whale
0:37:27 > 0:37:30# Oh, hidey-hidey hi
0:37:30 > 0:37:32AUDIENCE: # Oh, hidey-hidey hi
0:37:32 > 0:37:35# Hee-dee-hee-dee-hee-dee-hee
0:37:35 > 0:37:37# Hee-dee-hee-dee-hee-dee-hee. #
0:37:37 > 0:37:40And I was at the Pavilion appearing in the show when Danny Kaye
0:37:40 > 0:37:43came to the Empire, and I couldn't see him.
0:37:43 > 0:37:46But I came out of the theatre after the show this night
0:37:46 > 0:37:49and I'm walking down the road and I saw this car pass,
0:37:49 > 0:37:52and there was hundreds of people following it.
0:37:52 > 0:37:56The audience obviously had come out of the Empire, saw the car,
0:37:56 > 0:37:58knew that Danny Kaye was in it
0:37:58 > 0:38:02and ran behind the car all the way down to the Central Hotel.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04SCREAMING AND CHEERING
0:38:08 > 0:38:13So I followed on and ran down the road behind all the crowd
0:38:13 > 0:38:14and we got to the Central Hotel
0:38:14 > 0:38:18and everybody was shouting, "We want Danny, we want Danny!"
0:38:18 > 0:38:23All saying "We want Danny!" This is about midnight.
0:38:23 > 0:38:25And eventually the doors opened
0:38:25 > 0:38:28and out came Danny Kaye on to this little balcony.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31And he had to come out and sit on the balcony
0:38:31 > 0:38:32and sing Ballin' The Jack.
0:38:32 > 0:38:36# First you put your two knees close up tight
0:38:36 > 0:38:41# You swing them to the left and then you swing them to the right
0:38:41 > 0:38:46# Step around the floor kinda nice and light
0:38:46 > 0:38:48# And then... # You didn't make me laugh.
0:38:48 > 0:38:50LAUGHTER
0:38:50 > 0:38:54And everyone in the street did the movements.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57"First you put your two knees close uptight
0:38:57 > 0:39:01"You swing them to the left, then you swing 'em to the right
0:39:01 > 0:39:05"Step round the floor kind of nice and light
0:39:05 > 0:39:08"And then you shake around, shake around with all your might."
0:39:08 > 0:39:12Everybody in Glasgow that was out there in the street
0:39:12 > 0:39:14was doing Ballin' The Jack.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17# Spread your arms...
0:39:17 > 0:39:19# Way out in space
0:39:19 > 0:39:24# You do the eagle rock with such style and grace
0:39:24 > 0:39:28# You put your left foot out and then you bring it back
0:39:30 > 0:39:34# That's what I call ballin' the jack. #
0:39:37 > 0:39:40And I'll never forget it. It's one of the things I'll always remember.
0:39:40 > 0:39:44And I thought, can you imagine this huge star -
0:39:44 > 0:39:47and he was a big, big film star -
0:39:47 > 0:39:51out in the middle of Glasgow singing Ballin' The Jack?
0:39:51 > 0:39:55# First you put your two feet... # Hey! Altogether now!
0:39:57 > 0:40:00- Could only happen in Glasgow! - HE CHUCKLES
0:40:00 > 0:40:02# But when I get a couple of drinks on a Saturday
0:40:02 > 0:40:03# Glasgow belongs to me!
0:40:03 > 0:40:09# Glasgow belongs to me! Glasgow belongs to me! #
0:40:09 > 0:40:12TRUMPET FANFARE
0:40:20 > 0:40:22# In Mexico, where the breezes blow
0:40:22 > 0:40:26# There are mounds of gold, senorita. #
0:40:26 > 0:40:31Roy Rogers and Trigger were my first crushes as a child.
0:40:31 > 0:40:36I equally was in love with the horse as much as I was in love with him.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39I know he came to the Empire with his horse Trigger.
0:40:39 > 0:40:42We saw the horse box draw up, and Trigger come out,
0:40:42 > 0:40:46but I was never lucky enough to get close to see him.
0:40:46 > 0:40:51# Give me land, lots of land under starry skies above
0:40:51 > 0:40:53# Don't fence me in... #
0:40:53 > 0:40:55He was called the singing cowboy
0:40:55 > 0:41:01because he used to do a lot of songs, and Trigger used to dance with him.
0:41:01 > 0:41:05He used to pick things up off the stage. He would count - you know,
0:41:05 > 0:41:07"What's two and two?"
0:41:07 > 0:41:10He would paw the stage four times and things like this.
0:41:11 > 0:41:15# Please don't fence me in Just turn me loose... #
0:41:15 > 0:41:18Touring at the time they were staying in the Central Hotel,
0:41:18 > 0:41:20they brought Trigger along to Central
0:41:20 > 0:41:23and took him into Central and up the staircase.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29And I think there was a wee balcony to tie him,
0:41:29 > 0:41:32he came out on the balcony. All the people were standing outside - "Oh,
0:41:32 > 0:41:34"Trigger is staying there as well."
0:41:34 > 0:41:38# A four-legged friend A four-legged friend
0:41:38 > 0:41:41# He'll never let you down... #
0:41:41 > 0:41:45One of the stories... I met a guy who worked at the Empire
0:41:45 > 0:41:50at the time, and I believe they said Trigger wasn't a very nice
0:41:50 > 0:41:54horse, because, as they passed, he always tried to have a bite at them.
0:41:54 > 0:41:57Being stagehands, Glasgow stagehands in particular,
0:41:57 > 0:42:01they used to give it a kick when they were passing just to annoy it, so...
0:42:04 > 0:42:08- How old was Trigger when he died? - Trigger was 33.
0:42:08 > 0:42:13In comparison to man's age, that makes him about 115.
0:42:13 > 0:42:14Boy, he was a great horse.
0:42:14 > 0:42:18He was iron, and he carried me through 180 pictures.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21If there is a heaven for horses, that's where Trigger is.
0:42:21 > 0:42:28# That wonderful one, two, three, four-legged friend. Whoa, Trigger! #
0:42:28 > 0:42:30The '50s did very well.
0:42:31 > 0:42:36But then of course it slowly petered out, because the younger people,
0:42:36 > 0:42:41the variety theatre wasn't their world.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44And then of course rock 'n' roll came along.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46# Put your glad rags on Join me, hon,
0:42:46 > 0:42:49# We'll have some fun when the clock strikes one
0:42:49 > 0:42:52# We're gonna rock around the clock tonight... #
0:42:52 > 0:42:55It was a hybrid. The variety shows were a hybrid.
0:42:55 > 0:42:58They were old-fashioned turns and new-wave turns.
0:42:58 > 0:43:01It couldn't make up its mind.
0:43:01 > 0:43:04Certainly jugglers and people like that - the kids would come in to see
0:43:04 > 0:43:06Cliff or the Rolling Stones,
0:43:06 > 0:43:08and these other people would be on the bill -
0:43:08 > 0:43:12who are these old geezers?! It was a different sort of entertainment.
0:43:14 > 0:43:16# The young ones
0:43:17 > 0:43:19# Darling, we're the young ones
0:43:20 > 0:43:22# And young ones
0:43:24 > 0:43:26# Shouldn't be afraid... #
0:43:26 > 0:43:28I saw Cliff Richard
0:43:28 > 0:43:32and all the girls were at the stage door scratching a car
0:43:32 > 0:43:35they thought was his, and it turned out not to be his car!
0:43:37 > 0:43:41And it was all, "I love you, Cliff," scratched on the car.
0:43:41 > 0:43:45But that was my first time I ever met Cliff Richard -
0:43:45 > 0:43:48some poor soul's car was all, "I love you, Cliff!"
0:43:48 > 0:43:50SHE LAUGHS
0:43:50 > 0:43:53But he was a handsome young man and a great performer with The Shadows.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55Wonderful.
0:43:57 > 0:44:01Well, in those days, it wasn't the television.
0:44:01 > 0:44:03People knew them through records, mostly.
0:44:03 > 0:44:07Johnnie Ray and Frankie Laine and all these people, you know?
0:44:07 > 0:44:09SCREAMING AND APPLAUSE
0:44:11 > 0:44:13# It was a night
0:44:13 > 0:44:16# Mmm, what a night it was, such a night... #
0:44:16 > 0:44:19Johnnie Ray was there,
0:44:19 > 0:44:23and at that time he had hit number after hit number.
0:44:23 > 0:44:26Just Walking In The Rain, things like that.
0:44:26 > 0:44:29# Just walking in the rain
0:44:32 > 0:44:35# So alone and blue... #
0:44:35 > 0:44:40Johnnie Ray was a very big one here because at the time they had
0:44:40 > 0:44:43to have commissionaires right along the front of the circle,
0:44:43 > 0:44:47cos the girls were ready to throw themselves off for Johnnie Ray.
0:44:47 > 0:44:50People would try to get on the stage and things like that.
0:44:50 > 0:44:52It's a wonderful moment for an artist.
0:44:52 > 0:44:55As long as he's got people protecting him!
0:44:59 > 0:45:05They'd been saying it was the end of variety since about 1789.
0:45:05 > 0:45:07But it's always survived.
0:45:07 > 0:45:10Sadly, when television came along,
0:45:10 > 0:45:11that really was the
0:45:11 > 0:45:13final nail in the coffin.
0:45:13 > 0:45:17Cos you could sit at home, beer was cheaper than it was going to
0:45:17 > 0:45:23the pub, sit at home, you could see the people, hear them - almost free.
0:45:23 > 0:45:24That's what did variety.
0:45:26 > 0:45:28Television was coming in.
0:45:28 > 0:45:32Now, for a while that helped to support places like the Empire,
0:45:32 > 0:45:35where the big stars went, cos people would then go to see
0:45:35 > 0:45:37who they'd seen on television, see them in the Empire live.
0:45:37 > 0:45:41But as time went on, people stopped going, they could just
0:45:41 > 0:45:44watch them on television, and it just slowly declined and declined.
0:45:47 > 0:45:49Television, we've a lot to be thankful for,
0:45:49 > 0:45:52but it's killed a lot of acts.
0:45:52 > 0:45:55Cos once they were seen on television, who was going to pay to
0:45:55 > 0:45:56go and see them on stage?
0:45:58 > 0:46:03And also, the City of Glasgow got rid of a lot of the housing
0:46:03 > 0:46:06within the city centre, so all of the tenement buildings...
0:46:06 > 0:46:08Right round the Pavilion here was tenement buildings,
0:46:08 > 0:46:10with people staying in it.
0:46:10 > 0:46:14So I think that disappeared as well, people moved out the city
0:46:14 > 0:46:17and they didn't come back into the city for a night's entertainment.
0:46:21 > 0:46:23- NEWSREADER:- ..tremendous upheaval.
0:46:23 > 0:46:25Still, the plan's going ahead pretty fast,
0:46:25 > 0:46:30and with the families moved out, the old buildings come crashing down.
0:46:34 > 0:46:37The minute they pushed them out to those housing estates,
0:46:37 > 0:46:41that's when it started to go down I think, because you couldn't get out.
0:46:44 > 0:46:47Before they started redeveloping Glasgow, people stayed within
0:46:47 > 0:46:51walking distance of the theatres, or a short tram car or bus ride.
0:46:51 > 0:46:53But when they moved them all out to
0:46:53 > 0:46:56places like Drumchapel, Castlemilk, Pollok, it was a long bus ride in.
0:46:56 > 0:46:59There was no buses after eight o'clock at night,
0:46:59 > 0:47:02and then they wondered why they got riots out there!
0:47:02 > 0:47:03Nothing for them to do.
0:47:06 > 0:47:10I know that the Empire closed in 1963.
0:47:10 > 0:47:13And I co-produced the last night in the Glasgow Empire.
0:47:13 > 0:47:17And I walked in backstage, and...they're painting it all.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20And I knocked at the ladder and the guy looked.
0:47:20 > 0:47:23"Oh, Johnny, what you doing?" I said, "What you doing?"
0:47:23 > 0:47:26He said, "We're painting all backstage here."
0:47:26 > 0:47:29I said, "But they're pulling the place down 10 days fae noo."
0:47:29 > 0:47:32He said, "I know that, but it's the Red Army Ensemble for the
0:47:32 > 0:47:35"last week, and they just want the place nice for them."
0:47:35 > 0:47:40They did a wonderful show, the Red Army, the Russians, the soldiers.
0:47:40 > 0:47:43They painted the whole place!
0:47:45 > 0:47:47RUSSIAN-STYLE MUSIC
0:47:50 > 0:47:51APPLAUSE
0:47:53 > 0:47:56I think the last show I saw there before it closed down was
0:47:56 > 0:47:59the Russian Army, and that was amazing,
0:47:59 > 0:48:02and then, what they did, they brought the usherettes on stage,
0:48:02 > 0:48:04and all the front-of-house team were brought on,
0:48:04 > 0:48:07because the theatre, sadly, was closing down.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11And you'll never guess who was one of the people in it - Albert Finney.
0:48:11 > 0:48:14Albert Finney was in it, and Duncan Macrae,
0:48:14 > 0:48:17and at the very end they both came out with pickaxes and struck
0:48:17 > 0:48:20the first blows into the stage in the demolition of the Empire.
0:48:20 > 0:48:25And that was the last thing at the Empire, but a guy e-mailed me
0:48:25 > 0:48:29at one point regarding it, he was one of the demolishing team.
0:48:29 > 0:48:32He said, "Well, I'm actually the last guy to sing in the Empire.
0:48:32 > 0:48:35"Before we demolished the stage I went up
0:48:35 > 0:48:37"and sang Champion the Wonder Horse."
0:48:37 > 0:48:40MUSIC: "Champion the Wonder Horse" by Frankie Laine
0:48:47 > 0:48:50Thought it was sad, it was a great shame,
0:48:50 > 0:48:51because it was a great theatre.
0:48:54 > 0:48:58We sang Auld Lang Syne like it's never been sung before.
0:49:00 > 0:49:04Yeah. It was sad to see it go, it really was.
0:49:06 > 0:49:09MUSIC: "Auld Lang Syne" by Robert Burns performed on bagpipes
0:49:15 > 0:49:19It was the death of a theatre. You don't want to see a theatre die.
0:49:22 > 0:49:25Previous to the last night,
0:49:25 > 0:49:28they had taken all the lead weights out the bottom of the curtains.
0:49:28 > 0:49:32Sold them off to the scrap merchant, made a few bob for theirselves.
0:49:32 > 0:49:35And made arrangements to sell the velvet curtains once
0:49:35 > 0:49:37the theatre shut,
0:49:37 > 0:49:39which they did as soon as the shows shut down.
0:49:39 > 0:49:42The next morning they brought the curtains down, rolled them up.
0:49:42 > 0:49:45The guy they were selling them to came round in his van,
0:49:45 > 0:49:48put them in the van, and he just buggered off, he never paid them,
0:49:48 > 0:49:51went away with the curtains, they never got a ha'penny for them.
0:49:51 > 0:49:54But somebody somewhere's probably
0:49:54 > 0:49:57got a set of curtains made from the Empire.
0:49:57 > 0:49:59They turned it into a big office block
0:49:59 > 0:50:01and I think that lay half-empty for a long time.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04Dino's restaurant's there at the front of Sauchiehall Street,
0:50:04 > 0:50:07and an Ann Summers shop, right on the corner.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09HE LAUGHS
0:50:09 > 0:50:11There used to be a plaque there, just next to the Ann Summers shop,
0:50:11 > 0:50:14but somebody at some point has went round Glasgow
0:50:14 > 0:50:17and nicked all the plaques where the theatres used to be. Disappeared.
0:50:23 > 0:50:25NEWSREADER: The Alhambra Theatre.
0:50:25 > 0:50:27Until not so very long ago,
0:50:27 > 0:50:30the showplace of show business north of the border.
0:50:30 > 0:50:33To the public, it was the ultimate in theatre-going,
0:50:33 > 0:50:36the big night out of the live show circuit.
0:50:36 > 0:50:39Going to Alhambra meant your good suit, or for the ladies,
0:50:39 > 0:50:41a party dress and a special hairdo.
0:50:42 > 0:50:47Now, alas, the theatre has been stripped of all its finery.
0:50:47 > 0:50:50The place lies empty, gathering dust
0:50:50 > 0:50:52and awaiting the imminent arrival of the bulldozers which will
0:50:52 > 0:50:55render this once high temple of
0:50:55 > 0:50:56sophisticated variety
0:50:56 > 0:50:59into a shapeless mass of rubble and twisted girders.
0:50:59 > 0:51:04Before anybody had any chance to do something about stopping them...
0:51:05 > 0:51:07..they actually moved in the day after they'd said
0:51:07 > 0:51:11they were thinking about stopping it, and demolished one of the walls.
0:51:11 > 0:51:12They don't do that now, I think
0:51:12 > 0:51:15they've got to get permission to knock things down, haven't they?
0:51:15 > 0:51:17Not just a few bob, "Get it down."
0:51:17 > 0:51:20It was the most wonderful theatre I think I've ever
0:51:20 > 0:51:24been in in my life, and I've played some rather good ones in London.
0:51:24 > 0:51:27But the Alhambra was very, very special.
0:51:29 > 0:51:32This is all that remains of the Alhambra Theatre - at one time
0:51:32 > 0:51:38the biggest, the newest and the best-equipped theatre in Scotland.
0:51:38 > 0:51:40It was very sad. I remember an old actor
0:51:40 > 0:51:43saying to me, "This is the death of the dinosaurs",
0:51:43 > 0:51:48he said, and it was all very downbeat and sad really.
0:51:48 > 0:51:51But we still have live theatre, which is
0:51:51 > 0:51:52the thing that it's all about.
0:51:52 > 0:51:55Well, fortunately there is still pantomime,
0:51:55 > 0:51:59and fortunately it still maintains a tradition.
0:51:59 > 0:52:02- Hiya, pals!- AUDIENCE: Hiya!
0:52:02 > 0:52:05Because they do get to join in, and the children love it,
0:52:05 > 0:52:08and if the children love it, the adults love it.
0:52:08 > 0:52:10What do you call a Scottish Red Indian?
0:52:10 > 0:52:12I don't know, what do you call a Scottish Red Indian?
0:52:12 > 0:52:13Hawk-eye The Noo.
0:52:16 > 0:52:19A lot of pantos have moved on and become big shows
0:52:19 > 0:52:21rather than audience participation,
0:52:21 > 0:52:24we've kept a traditional in our panto
0:52:24 > 0:52:25of audience participation,
0:52:25 > 0:52:29but bring it into today's technology with lighting and lasers
0:52:29 > 0:52:33and special effects, and it's probably our main show in the year.
0:52:33 > 0:52:38< Oh! Oh, my goodness.
0:52:38 > 0:52:40- What's he doing?- Praying.- Praying?
0:52:40 > 0:52:44If we do a good panto, and we get good money for panto,
0:52:44 > 0:52:46that keeps us going, we don't need to be bothered running up
0:52:46 > 0:52:48and down the country doing other things.
0:52:48 > 0:52:51At our stage, and everybody says, "Oh, you're so lucky",
0:52:51 > 0:52:54and I say, "No, I've worked for it, I've been 50 years in the game."
0:52:54 > 0:52:57I used to get so angry when I read in the papers
0:52:57 > 0:53:00"He's now reduced to playing pantomime."
0:53:00 > 0:53:02I thought "REDUCED to playing pantomime"?
0:53:02 > 0:53:06My pantomimes were as glamorous as the television show.
0:53:07 > 0:53:09APPLAUSE
0:53:09 > 0:53:11LAUGHTER
0:53:19 > 0:53:21# I'm Neptune's daughter
0:53:21 > 0:53:24# Love sudsy water
0:53:24 > 0:53:28# Come and plunge your sponge into my beautiful foam... #
0:53:30 > 0:53:33This is a creation which must be as good as the television's,
0:53:33 > 0:53:36and therefore I want - if I'm doing dame -
0:53:36 > 0:53:39I want the dame things to look wonderful.
0:53:39 > 0:53:43I was a complete chandelier in one, then pressed a button
0:53:43 > 0:53:45and it all lit up, that kind of thing.
0:53:47 > 0:53:50I think my costumes probably cost more than any other
0:53:50 > 0:53:53costumes that anybody has had, but I could be wrong about that.
0:53:56 > 0:54:02But I also loved those pantomimes, because you could tell
0:54:02 > 0:54:05the whole story but then keep putting in dialect words.
0:54:05 > 0:54:08I remember when I was playing an ugly sister,
0:54:08 > 0:54:12Cinderella left an invitation to the ball on a mantelpiece,
0:54:12 > 0:54:17and I had a long glove to the elbow,
0:54:17 > 0:54:19and when you did that...
0:54:19 > 0:54:22it could look like a strange snake.
0:54:22 > 0:54:26And when the ugly sister spotted this ball ticket -
0:54:26 > 0:54:28which she shouldn't have -
0:54:28 > 0:54:29in her mind...
0:54:31 > 0:54:37..this snake-like thing went out, and as you did that and got nearer
0:54:37 > 0:54:40and nearer you could hear the whole audience going...
0:54:40 > 0:54:44breathing in, as I grabbed it and said...
0:54:44 > 0:54:47"Where did this ball ticket come fae?"
0:54:48 > 0:54:51Now the "come fae", of course, was a huge laugh.
0:54:53 > 0:54:56Because that's how they say, "Come from."
0:54:56 > 0:54:58The humour, you don't have to think about it
0:54:58 > 0:55:01because it is the humour of the people, it's your humour,
0:55:01 > 0:55:04it's what you were brought up with since birth.
0:55:04 > 0:55:08# For these are my mountains and this is my glen... #
0:55:08 > 0:55:10HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER
0:55:11 > 0:55:15LYRICS DROWNED OUT BY LAUGHTER
0:55:30 > 0:55:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:55:32 > 0:55:36When I played pantomime south of the border I didn't enjoy it nearly
0:55:36 > 0:55:40so much, because you'd to cut out all those dialect words,
0:55:40 > 0:55:44and all those dialect words is why I used to go back and do it!
0:55:45 > 0:55:48Note carefully the key word "helza".
0:55:48 > 0:55:51This is we are apt to use at social functions thus.
0:55:55 > 0:55:56Or...
0:55:59 > 0:56:00And most frequently we say...
0:56:02 > 0:56:03LAUGHTER
0:56:03 > 0:56:06I appeared with him in the Theatre Royal in Glasgow,
0:56:06 > 0:56:08my first pantomime, and that was Cinderella.
0:56:08 > 0:56:11And Stanley Baxter was Buttons.
0:56:11 > 0:56:14And he was the best Buttons I have ever seen,
0:56:14 > 0:56:17I used to stand in the wings every night and cry,
0:56:17 > 0:56:21the minute he proposed to Cinderella it used to break my heart,
0:56:21 > 0:56:23cos she turned him down obviously.
0:56:23 > 0:56:26But he did it so beautifully that the tears would be streaming down
0:56:26 > 0:56:30your number five, nine and three greasepaint make-up that you wore.
0:56:30 > 0:56:33Somebody said once, I think it might have been Sybil Thorndike,
0:56:33 > 0:56:37that the national theatre of Scotland is pantomime.
0:56:37 > 0:56:41There's some truth in it. We take it much more seriously.
0:56:41 > 0:56:45Pantomime is... It's like group therapy.
0:56:45 > 0:56:48I mean, you're sitting there in your dressing room
0:56:48 > 0:56:50half an hour before the curtain. The Tannoy's on.
0:56:50 > 0:56:53They're all coming in, and the noise and the patter.
0:56:53 > 0:56:55They're talking to their kids,
0:56:55 > 0:56:59"Oh, you've never seen, wait till you see this, bla bla bla."
0:56:59 > 0:57:02And it's crackling off the wall, the Tannoy.
0:57:13 > 0:57:15And then the overture, the curtain goes up,
0:57:15 > 0:57:18and everybody cheers, we haven't even said hello!
0:57:21 > 0:57:23CHEERING
0:57:27 > 0:57:313,000 people cheer, it's like...a drug.
0:57:31 > 0:57:34As I say, I would prescribe it on the National Health.
0:57:34 > 0:57:36Never mind the pills, give them tickets for the pantomime.
0:57:36 > 0:57:38Oops!
0:57:43 > 0:57:46MUSIC: "I Wish I Was In Glasgow" performed by Iain MacKintosh
0:57:46 > 0:57:49# I wish I was in Glasgow
0:57:49 > 0:57:52# With some good old friends of mine
0:57:53 > 0:57:56# Some good old rough companions
0:57:57 > 0:58:00# Some good old smooth red wine
0:58:01 > 0:58:04# We would talk about the old days
0:58:04 > 0:58:07# And the old town's sad decline
0:58:08 > 0:58:14# And drink to the boys on the road
0:58:15 > 0:58:21# Glasgow gave me more than it ever took away
0:58:21 > 0:58:26# And prepared me for life on the road. #