7:10:44 > 7:10:46LAUGHTER
7:10:46 > 7:10:50I'm a performer. The turn. An entertainer.
7:10:50 > 7:10:53You're not supposed to dawdle, you've gotta get along! Ya-hoo!
7:11:02 > 7:11:03LAUGHTER
7:11:03 > 7:11:06She said, "Do you know what an erogenous zone is?"
7:11:06 > 7:11:10I said, "I know you can't park there after six o'clock."
7:11:10 > 7:11:12"Have you ever tried an aphrodisiac?"
7:11:12 > 7:11:15I said, "I went out with a Norwegian girl once."
7:11:15 > 7:11:17She said, "Do you believe in safe sex?"
7:11:17 > 7:11:20I said, "I've got a handrail round the bed.
7:11:20 > 7:11:23"And I always try to keep one foot on the ground."
7:11:23 > 7:11:25She said, "What about your libido?"
7:11:25 > 7:11:27I said, "I'm gonna swap it for a Sierra."
7:11:28 > 7:11:32'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ken Dodd!'
7:11:32 > 7:11:35APPLAUSE
7:11:36 > 7:11:38How tickled I am to be here with you tonight.
7:11:38 > 7:11:41- Has anybody seen my show before? - AUDIENCE: Yes!
7:11:41 > 7:11:44Would you mind telling me what I do next, please?
7:11:44 > 7:11:46Yuletide, ladies and gentlemen, is nearly upon us.
7:11:46 > 7:11:49Only 12 more shoplifting days to Christmas.
7:11:49 > 7:11:52Another wonderful day in what's been a wonderful week.
7:11:52 > 7:11:56I'd be out here all night, cos I'm stage-struck. Can you tell?
7:11:56 > 7:11:57I'm stage-struck.
7:11:57 > 7:11:58If you don't laugh at the jokes,
7:11:58 > 7:12:01I'll follow you home and shout 'em through the letterbox.
7:12:03 > 7:12:05I will smile!
7:12:14 > 7:12:17Ken Dodd is a national institution.
7:12:17 > 7:12:20He's been a professional comedian for 53 years.
7:12:20 > 7:12:23He's had 20 hit records, including Tears,
7:12:23 > 7:12:26which sold more than two million copies.
7:12:26 > 7:12:28This year, he celebrated his 80th birthday,
7:12:28 > 7:12:30still travelling the country,
7:12:30 > 7:12:33performing his Happiness show three times a week.
7:12:35 > 7:12:39Did you always prefer doing live performances?
7:12:39 > 7:12:42Always. Still do, yeah.
7:12:42 > 7:12:45You play an audience like you play an instrument.
7:12:45 > 7:12:49An audience is... I've never actually done a solo act on my own.
7:12:49 > 7:12:53It's always been a double act - it's me and the audience.
7:12:53 > 7:12:55Is it different when you do telly?
7:12:55 > 7:12:59Oh, yes, on television, you're just performing to a set of wires,
7:12:59 > 7:13:01or a camera, or...
7:13:01 > 7:13:04They say, "Don't look over there, look over there."
7:13:04 > 7:13:07"Why am I doing that?" "It's a better camera shot."
7:13:07 > 7:13:10"Oh, really? All I can see there is 'Exit'.
7:13:10 > 7:13:12"That could be a hint."
7:13:15 > 7:13:18# Happiness, happiness
7:13:18 > 7:13:21# The greatest gift that we possess
7:13:21 > 7:13:24# I thank the Lord that we've been blessed
7:13:24 > 7:13:26# With more than our share of... #
7:13:26 > 7:13:27Everybody!
7:13:27 > 7:13:30# Happiness, happiness
7:13:30 > 7:13:33# The greatest gift that we possess
7:13:33 > 7:13:36# I thank the Lord that I've been blessed
7:13:36 > 7:13:39# With more than my share of happiness
7:13:39 > 7:13:46# I've got more than our share of ha-ppi-ness! #
7:13:47 > 7:13:50'Happiness!'
7:13:50 > 7:13:53"They made us laugh."
7:13:55 > 7:13:57You can't MAKE anybody laugh.
7:13:57 > 7:14:00- Did you know that?- No.
7:14:00 > 7:14:03The song, "Make 'em laugh," but you can't.
7:14:03 > 7:14:05- Really?- No.
7:14:05 > 7:14:07You can winkle it out.
7:14:08 > 7:14:10It's already there.
7:14:10 > 7:14:13If it isn't there, you can't pull it out.
7:14:13 > 7:14:15It's in everybody.
7:14:16 > 7:14:19- And how do you winkle it out? - Happiness, happiness.
7:14:19 > 7:14:22That's the comedian's job, innit?
7:14:22 > 7:14:24With one of these.
7:14:26 > 7:14:28HE LAUGHS
7:14:28 > 7:14:30Right.
7:14:44 > 7:14:48I am a commercial comedian.
7:14:48 > 7:14:51I travel the length and breadth of the British Isles,
7:14:51 > 7:14:53I travel right up to the Shetlands,
7:14:53 > 7:14:57a few shows there, right down to the Channel Islands,
7:14:57 > 7:15:01across through Great Yarmouth, Norfolk, Hunstanton.
7:15:01 > 7:15:04My ambition was to play every theatre in Britain.
7:15:07 > 7:15:11Ahoy there! Ahoy there!
7:15:11 > 7:15:13This is it, folks.
7:15:16 > 7:15:18Have you read this?
7:15:18 > 7:15:21- Um, I've been through that one. - Does it make you laugh?
7:15:21 > 7:15:23I've been through them all.
7:15:23 > 7:15:25That one's got one very good joke in it.
7:15:25 > 7:15:27One?!
7:15:27 > 7:15:30One in the whole book of Jewish jokes?!
7:15:30 > 7:15:32No, there'd be more than that.
7:15:33 > 7:15:36You've got that, haven't you?
7:15:36 > 7:15:38You've got this one, haven't you?
7:15:38 > 7:15:41I think I'll take me coat off to this.
7:15:41 > 7:15:43Oh, good gracious me!
7:15:43 > 7:15:45You haven't got that?
7:15:49 > 7:15:51Have you bought many books in here?
7:15:51 > 7:15:56- Over the years, I think I've... Thousands.- Really?
7:15:56 > 7:15:59Thousands of books.
7:15:59 > 7:16:03In fact, I've been barred from buying any more,
7:16:03 > 7:16:07but I still come down just the same.
7:16:07 > 7:16:09How about this one?
7:16:09 > 7:16:12- Sorry?- What kind of things do you buy in here?
7:16:12 > 7:16:14Oh, books...
7:16:14 > 7:16:19Books on humour, books about comedians, entertainers,
7:16:19 > 7:16:20film...
7:16:23 > 7:16:24..Dickens.
7:16:24 > 7:16:27- I'm a Dickens maniac.- Are you?- Yeah.
7:16:27 > 7:16:30- Do you read him a lot?- Yes.
7:16:30 > 7:16:34- Has anyone ever written a good book about you?- No.
7:16:34 > 7:16:36Yes, one.
7:16:36 > 7:16:39I had, a long, long, long time ago,
7:16:39 > 7:16:43Michael Billington of the Guardian wrote quite a good one
7:16:43 > 7:16:49called How Tickled I Am, but since then, one or two...pirates...
7:16:50 > 7:16:54..brigands have said they'd do a biography.
7:16:54 > 7:16:56I said, "No, no.
7:16:56 > 7:16:58"If anybody's gonna do a biography, it'll be me.
7:16:58 > 7:17:01"I will write the biography."
7:17:01 > 7:17:02He said, "No, no, no.
7:17:02 > 7:17:07"If you won't co-operate, we'll do it without you."
7:17:07 > 7:17:08"Carry on, then."
7:17:08 > 7:17:10Do you think you ever will write your...?
7:17:10 > 7:17:12Of course I will, one of these days.
7:17:12 > 7:17:15One of these days, I will write the...
7:17:15 > 7:17:19I've been around for quite a while
7:17:19 > 7:17:22and I've been in show business for over 50 years,
7:17:22 > 7:17:26so I reckon... I've been an entertainer for over 50 years,
7:17:26 > 7:17:29so I think I should write an entertaining book.
7:17:37 > 7:17:40I'd like to say how tickled I am,
7:17:40 > 7:17:42how tickled I am, can you see that?
7:17:42 > 7:17:45I'll do it again, this lady seemed to like it.
7:17:45 > 7:17:47Put the binoculars away now, dear.
7:17:50 > 7:17:53I was born in Liverpool, on the outskirts,
7:17:53 > 7:17:57Knotty Ash. Knotty Ash.
7:17:57 > 7:18:01My father, Dad, Pop, Arthur,
7:18:01 > 7:18:04was a very, very funny man, a brilliant comedian.
7:18:04 > 7:18:07He used to tell jokes all the time.
7:18:07 > 7:18:10I think that's how I learnt to tell jokes.
7:18:10 > 7:18:13Most little boys want to be like their fathers
7:18:13 > 7:18:17and I learned how to tell jokes by my dad telling me jokes.
7:18:29 > 7:18:31My father's jokes, I still do,
7:18:31 > 7:18:33and he got them from his father.
7:18:33 > 7:18:35So I'm still telling jokes...
7:18:35 > 7:18:37And they always get big laughs.
7:18:37 > 7:18:40What's the joke I do...?
7:18:40 > 7:18:42"How many children have you got?
7:18:42 > 7:18:46"Eight? Have you really? Stand up and take a bow.
7:18:46 > 7:18:48"No, sit down and take a rest.
7:18:48 > 7:18:50"Eight children...
7:18:53 > 7:18:57"Do you live in a shoe? You must know what to do.
7:18:57 > 7:18:58"Eight children...
7:18:58 > 7:19:02"What a good job you stitched that hole up in his pyjamas.
7:19:05 > 7:19:08"You know what they say - a stitch in time saves..."
7:19:08 > 7:19:13LAUGHTER
7:19:13 > 7:19:15I've been telling that joke for 50 years.
7:19:15 > 7:19:19More than 50 years, it still gets a good laugh.
7:19:20 > 7:19:25Tell us about your childhood, Ken, and about your family background.
7:19:25 > 7:19:30A comic has two biographies, two life stories.
7:19:30 > 7:19:31You have the real one
7:19:31 > 7:19:34and then you have the one that you get laughs with,
7:19:34 > 7:19:37the one you tell the audience. I'd better tell you the real one first.
7:19:37 > 7:19:40I'm the middle one of three.
7:19:40 > 7:19:43There's Billy, my older brother, two years older than me
7:19:43 > 7:19:45and June, two years younger than me.
7:19:45 > 7:19:48My mother and father, Arthur and Sarah Dodd.
7:19:48 > 7:19:52My dad was a coal merchant, a coal man, Knotty Ash.
7:19:52 > 7:19:55And I had a wonderful childhood.
7:19:55 > 7:19:57Oh, fantastic.
7:19:58 > 7:20:01Round Knotty Ash, there's fields, fields, fields.
7:20:01 > 7:20:03So when I was a little boy,
7:20:03 > 7:20:06we just went mad, it was wonderful.
7:20:11 > 7:20:14'Like the moth, the Diddy firefly
7:20:14 > 7:20:17'makes its home in some article of clothing
7:20:17 > 7:20:21'where it will pass the winter months smouldering gently
7:20:21 > 7:20:24'and laying its fried eggs.
7:20:24 > 7:20:27'Sometimes, the owner of the clothes
7:20:27 > 7:20:31'is unaware of the firefly's presence until it is too late.'
7:20:31 > 7:20:33Oh, help!
7:20:33 > 7:20:35By the blathering bagpipes of Killiekrankie,
7:20:35 > 7:20:38I've got fireflies in my kilt! Och!
7:20:38 > 7:20:41Quick! Put 'em out! Somebody put 'em out!
7:20:41 > 7:20:44I'll put yous out, Hamish, me bucko.
7:20:44 > 7:20:47Quick, stand over this soda siphon. That's it, me boy.
7:20:47 > 7:20:52Oh, Mum, that's a gr-r-r-and feeling!
7:20:52 > 7:20:57Och, I'm not a bit put out about being put out!
7:21:06 > 7:21:08If you think about it,
7:21:08 > 7:21:11there is a belief in small people all over the world,
7:21:11 > 7:21:14this belief in magical small people -
7:21:14 > 7:21:17leprechauns, pixies, boggarts.
7:21:17 > 7:21:21Fairies, if you like. Talking animals, whimsy.
7:21:21 > 7:21:24It's the humour of Wind In The Willows,
7:21:24 > 7:21:26the Muppets, Walt Disney.
7:21:26 > 7:21:29It's the humour of small people.
7:21:30 > 7:21:34"The mole had been working very hard all morning,
7:21:34 > 7:21:35"spring cleaning his little home.
7:21:35 > 7:21:38"First with brooms, then with dusters,
7:21:38 > 7:21:40"on ladders, steps and chairs,
7:21:40 > 7:21:43"with a brush and a pail of whitewash
7:21:43 > 7:21:46"till he had dust in his throat and eyes and splashes of whitewash
7:21:46 > 7:21:48"all over his black fur.
7:21:48 > 7:21:52"It was small wonder that he suddenly flung down his brush
7:21:52 > 7:21:55"on the floor and said, 'Bother!'
7:21:55 > 7:21:58" 'Bother! Oh, blow!'
7:21:58 > 7:22:01"And also, 'Hang spring cleaning.' "
7:22:02 > 7:22:04# We are the Diddymen
7:22:04 > 7:22:06# Itty-bitty Diddymen
7:22:06 > 7:22:10# We are the Diddymen who always have a bash... #
7:22:10 > 7:22:14So I discovered the Diddymen, these little whimsical characters,
7:22:14 > 7:22:17the Diddymen, who live in Knotty Ash,
7:22:17 > 7:22:21and have the jam butty mines and the broken biscuit repair works,
7:22:21 > 7:22:23snuff quarries, and the gravy wells.
7:22:26 > 7:22:28I'm beginning to get fed up with you.
7:22:28 > 7:22:31- I don't care.- Why?
7:22:31 > 7:22:34- I'm going.- You're going?- Going.
7:22:34 > 7:22:36I'm jacking it in.
7:22:36 > 7:22:38LAUGHTER
7:22:38 > 7:22:41"Jacking it in"?!
7:22:41 > 7:22:42I'm jacking it in.
7:22:42 > 7:22:46But if you leave me, I'll be in a hole, I'll be in a mess.
7:22:46 > 7:22:47Don't care.
7:22:47 > 7:22:49Remember, Dicky, ambition -
7:22:49 > 7:22:52the grass is always greener the other side of the street.
7:22:52 > 7:22:53You know who said that?
7:22:53 > 7:22:55Tom Jones.
7:22:55 > 7:22:58LAUGHTER
7:23:13 > 7:23:16You must have enough now.
7:23:16 > 7:23:18Thank you.
7:23:18 > 7:23:20- What's your name?- Eileen.
7:23:20 > 7:23:22- Eileen!- Eileen from Skem.
7:23:22 > 7:23:24- To the left or the right? - To the left.
7:23:24 > 7:23:26Eileen from Skem.
7:23:28 > 7:23:30That'll give me some happiness.
7:23:30 > 7:23:32Yeah, well, that's what you need.
7:23:32 > 7:23:34- Thank you.- Thank you, Eileen.
7:23:34 > 7:23:36Thank you, Judy Jones.
7:23:36 > 7:23:40Call again any time. Tatty bye.
7:23:40 > 7:23:41All right, young man?
7:23:41 > 7:23:44Thank you, sir. I bet you say that to all the boys!
7:23:48 > 7:23:51# I don't believe that anybody... #
7:23:51 > 7:23:53It's your money.
7:23:57 > 7:23:59What did I do with it?
7:23:59 > 7:24:03# And all the roads we have to walk are winding... #
7:24:05 > 7:24:07You're good at walking backwards, missus.
7:24:07 > 7:24:10You could get a job as an ice cream girl.
7:24:15 > 7:24:17You can do that afterwards if you want to.
7:24:17 > 7:24:20I'm not saying now.
7:24:20 > 7:24:24- See there. International library. - Ah, yeah.
7:24:26 > 7:24:29'I started thinking about, what is a joke?
7:24:29 > 7:24:31'I want to know why.
7:24:32 > 7:24:34'Why does the human being laugh?
7:24:37 > 7:24:40'Why do we make this funny noise? Ha-ha-ha.
7:24:40 > 7:24:44'Your breath comes in short pants. Why don't your ears light up?
7:24:44 > 7:24:46'Why doesn't your nose wiggle from side to side?
7:24:46 > 7:24:48'Why this...? What is a laugh?
7:24:48 > 7:24:51'Why? What goes on in here?
7:24:51 > 7:24:52'Why do human beings laugh
7:24:52 > 7:24:56'when they're confronted with a funny situation,
7:24:56 > 7:24:59'a funny picture, or somebody tells them a funny joke?
7:25:00 > 7:25:03'What is humour, what is a joke?
7:25:04 > 7:25:07'How does one be a comedian?'
7:25:08 > 7:25:13LAUGHTER
7:25:13 > 7:25:16I used to come here every day of the week - months unending,
7:25:16 > 7:25:20just sit here and read - looking at the index
7:25:20 > 7:25:23and look up the word laughter and the word humour,
7:25:23 > 7:25:29look up the word comedy, comedians, clowns, circus,
7:25:29 > 7:25:33music hall, variety, theatre.
7:25:33 > 7:25:36I used to sit down there and read and read and read
7:25:36 > 7:25:39and, er...make notes, of course.
7:25:56 > 7:26:00LAUGHTER
7:26:00 > 7:26:03Little old lady went to the doctor's, she said,
7:26:03 > 7:26:05"Doctor, can I have some more sleeping pills for my husband?"
7:26:05 > 7:26:06He said, "Why?"
7:26:06 > 7:26:08She said, "He's woke up!"
7:26:10 > 7:26:12Another little old lady goes to the doctor's and says,
7:26:12 > 7:26:14"Can I have some of them sleeping tablets?
7:26:14 > 7:26:17He says, "Certainly not. I don't believe in those tranquilisers."
7:26:17 > 7:26:20"If you can't sleep at night, do it nature's way - organically,"
7:26:20 > 7:26:22"I can't play with..." He said, "No, no...
7:26:23 > 7:26:26"Before you go to bed at night, have a tot of something."
7:26:26 > 7:26:29"I do that already, doctor!" "You do?"
7:26:29 > 7:26:32"Before I go to bed at night, I always have eight whiskies,
7:26:32 > 7:26:34"four gins, two vodkas, a large brandy,
7:26:34 > 7:26:36"a Martini and an egg flip."
7:26:36 > 7:26:38"And you can't sleep?"
7:26:38 > 7:26:39"No, I'm up all night singing."
7:26:46 > 7:26:50LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
7:26:50 > 7:26:52Thank you. Thank you.
7:26:52 > 7:26:55Thank you for being a tottifilarious and a plumptious audience.
7:26:55 > 7:26:57We wish you good health.
7:26:57 > 7:27:01- There's just an endless font of jokes in your head.- Yes.
7:27:01 > 7:27:03- Can you ever turn them off?- No.
7:27:03 > 7:27:06Does it ever torment you?
7:27:06 > 7:27:09Yes. Yes, sometimes.
7:27:09 > 7:27:13Sometimes you, you'd like to think very seriously about something
7:27:13 > 7:27:17and jokes keep popping into your head,
7:27:17 > 7:27:20- so you have to learn to control it.- Yeah.
7:27:20 > 7:27:22- It must be quite hard then?- No, no.
7:27:22 > 7:27:26"That's enough for now, thank you. That's quite enough, thank you.
7:27:26 > 7:27:30"Right, go on... Kenny, go to your room."
7:27:30 > 7:27:32- So...- Is that what you have to do?
7:27:32 > 7:27:34"Kenny, go to your room," and he goes there.
7:27:34 > 7:27:36"And, Kenneth, you can come out now."
7:27:36 > 7:27:39And I start thinking about something seriously.
7:27:39 > 7:27:41There's two or three people in here, I think.
7:27:41 > 7:27:44Two or three personalities, two or three characters,
7:27:44 > 7:27:46two or three, erm...
7:27:46 > 7:27:53..strong...personalities who would like to be heard.
7:27:53 > 7:27:54Yeah, I think so.
7:27:54 > 7:27:57There's a show business Ken Dodd,
7:27:57 > 7:28:04and I think there's erm, there's a thinking Ken Dodd and, er...
7:28:04 > 7:28:08hopefully there's an amusing Ken Dodd, I hope so, anyway -
7:28:08 > 7:28:11one that can see the funny side.
7:28:45 > 7:28:49This is the mouth of the River Mersey and there is my home -
7:28:49 > 7:28:53the city of Liverpool, the city of laughter, city of tears.
7:28:53 > 7:28:57This is the city that enabled me to be a performer
7:28:57 > 7:29:00and here we are at the mouth of the Mersey,
7:29:00 > 7:29:03just behind me are the Anthony Gormley men.
7:29:03 > 7:29:05This one here is called Sid.
7:29:05 > 7:29:07This is Sid.
7:29:07 > 7:29:09We like that.
7:29:09 > 7:29:11We could go now but I'm going to do one more
7:29:11 > 7:29:13because I like your movement.
7:29:13 > 7:29:17Over there you can see Wales, somewhere up there is Scotland
7:29:17 > 7:29:21and straight on there going west thousands of people have left
7:29:21 > 7:29:27this wonderful city to find adventure and success.
7:29:34 > 7:29:38When I was a little boy, I could remember when we had
7:29:38 > 7:29:42the dock road, what they call the docker's umbrella,
7:29:42 > 7:29:44which was the overhead railway,
7:29:44 > 7:29:48and lots of things were moved by huge great carthorses
7:29:48 > 7:29:51pulling great loads of goods into the docks.
7:30:25 > 7:30:27In Paris, all the chairs and tables are out on the streets.
7:30:27 > 7:30:29In Liverpool, we call that eviction.
7:30:30 > 7:30:35..From Liverpool. He's had four wooden legs, making a coffee table.
7:30:46 > 7:30:49Every week, we used to have a Dodd family journey to a theatre
7:30:49 > 7:30:51just up the road in Fraser Street
7:30:51 > 7:30:54called the Shakespeare Theatre of Varieties.
7:31:02 > 7:31:05I dare say I was very fortunate because
7:31:05 > 7:31:09I was taken to the Variety Theatres by my mother and father
7:31:09 > 7:31:11and I saw some of the greats
7:31:11 > 7:31:14just at probably the back end of their careers.
7:31:16 > 7:31:19And that's why I fell in love with music hall, with theatre.
7:31:22 > 7:31:27The word variety really means a variety of skills.
7:31:28 > 7:31:33All variety artists, entertainers, jugglers, acrobats, comedians,
7:31:33 > 7:31:37ventriloquists, they are all like little one-man businesses,
7:31:37 > 7:31:39or one-woman businesses.
7:31:39 > 7:31:43'Of course no show of this kind is complete without a juggler.
7:31:43 > 7:31:45'This next artist is considered by many
7:31:45 > 7:31:47'the greatest in the world - Rudy Cardenas.'
7:31:58 > 7:32:02I worked with Rudy Cardenas from Mexico and Rudy Horn from Germany
7:32:02 > 7:32:05in Blackpool when I was in season with them there.
7:32:05 > 7:32:09Every day, they'd rehearse from nine in the morning till five at night,
7:32:09 > 7:32:12go home, have their tea, come back and do two shows.
7:32:14 > 7:32:18The big specialities - the acrobats, the jugglers,
7:32:18 > 7:32:22people who do deeds of immense daring,
7:32:22 > 7:32:24you have to go to the circus.
7:32:24 > 7:32:28SLOW DRUMBEATS
7:32:33 > 7:32:36APPLAUSE
7:32:38 > 7:32:41Can you ever imagine ever doing anything different?
7:32:41 > 7:32:46I think I, er, I like to be in charge.
7:32:46 > 7:32:48You may have noticed that.
7:32:48 > 7:32:52- You are a total control freak, Ken, I have to say.- No, never.
7:32:52 > 7:32:54- You so are!- How dare you(!)
7:32:54 > 7:32:57- I mean, I'm bad but you are worse than me.- Come on.
7:32:57 > 7:33:00Women won't do what they're told, that's all.
7:33:00 > 7:33:02It couldn't be any other way as a comedian,
7:33:02 > 7:33:05with the career that you've had, you couldn't do that.
7:33:05 > 7:33:07I could but it wouldn't be as fun.
7:33:07 > 7:33:12BANJO MUSIC
7:33:15 > 7:33:18I served my apprenticeship round the clubs
7:33:18 > 7:33:22and the after-dinner entertainments, smoker's concerts,
7:33:22 > 7:33:24boiler makers, hotpots,
7:33:24 > 7:33:28docker's soirees - anywhere where there was an audience, I'd go along
7:33:28 > 7:33:32and I would do either my ventriloquist act
7:33:32 > 7:33:34or my comedian's act.
7:33:34 > 7:33:36- IN GERMAN ACCENT:- What is this, chips?- And wurst.
7:33:36 > 7:33:39The wurst chips? Where is the meat pie?
7:33:39 > 7:33:40The cat's ate it.
7:33:40 > 7:33:43Tom cat! I'll have it exterminated.
7:33:43 > 7:33:45I will rid the world of tom cats.
7:33:45 > 7:33:49Under the new regime, the master race will not have tom cats.
7:33:49 > 7:33:51Where is the Reich pudding?
7:33:51 > 7:33:53The Reich pudding - the cat ate that too.
7:33:53 > 7:33:56No Reich pudding? No Reich pudding on Wednesday,
7:33:56 > 7:33:58no Reich pudding on Thursday,
7:33:58 > 7:34:02this is the third Reich pudding what is verboten this week.
7:34:02 > 7:34:04I'll treat it in my book, Mein Bumpf.
7:34:04 > 7:34:07- You have read Mein Bumpf? - Yes, from cover to cover.
7:34:07 > 7:34:09Under the new regime...
7:34:09 > 7:34:12Young lady, young man, hello dear.
7:34:12 > 7:34:16- Oh, same dentist. - LAUGHTER
7:34:16 > 7:34:18Hello.
7:34:18 > 7:34:21- Now he looks a comedian to begin with.- Thank you.
7:34:21 > 7:34:24You don't look anywhere near funny enough.
7:34:24 > 7:34:28- You don't look funny, are you funny? - No.- Do you feel funny?
7:34:28 > 7:34:30- A bit.- Oh, good.
7:34:30 > 7:34:32A bit!
7:34:32 > 7:34:36I feel funny all the bloody time. Funny - weird!
7:34:36 > 7:34:38It's very kind of you to come along.
7:34:38 > 7:34:41- You're not all from the same place? - ALL: No. No.
7:34:41 > 7:34:45But you all, er, want to be comedians?
7:34:45 > 7:34:46ALL: Yes.
7:34:46 > 7:34:49- That would be all right.- Why? Why do you want to be a comedian?
7:34:49 > 7:34:51To be like you.
7:34:51 > 7:34:55Ooh, he's a bloody smoothy, isn't he?
7:34:55 > 7:34:58Do you mean you want to be famous and make a lot of money?
7:34:58 > 7:35:00Yeah. That'd be all right.
7:35:00 > 7:35:03Yeah, well, it's a good motivator, believe me.
7:35:03 > 7:35:06What do you want to be a comedian for?
7:35:06 > 7:35:08I just think doing a gig ages ago
7:35:08 > 7:35:11and seeing someone really, really belly laugh,
7:35:11 > 7:35:14I just think the feeling that you get from that,
7:35:14 > 7:35:16you don't get that very often, do you?
7:35:16 > 7:35:20- So I think...that's my motivation. - Good for you.
7:35:20 > 7:35:23When I go on stage, I get a massive rush of adrenaline
7:35:23 > 7:35:25but when I come off,
7:35:25 > 7:35:27I always feel dead low and disappointed that it's over.
7:35:27 > 7:35:30I just wondered if you feel the same and if you do, how do you handle it?
7:35:32 > 7:35:35It's something that you'll never lose
7:35:35 > 7:35:38cos you always think you can do better.
7:35:38 > 7:35:41You always think you could've done better.
7:35:41 > 7:35:44Remember you used to get your school report
7:35:44 > 7:35:47and it'd say, you know, "Good at gymnastics...
7:35:49 > 7:35:53"..firm at English, mathematics - could do better."
7:35:53 > 7:35:57Well, it's the same with being an entertainer,
7:35:57 > 7:36:00you always think you can do better.
7:36:00 > 7:36:01And sometimes you can,
7:36:01 > 7:36:04but you've just got to remember it for next time
7:36:04 > 7:36:07and next time, do better.
7:36:07 > 7:36:11But you'll never... If you're, um...
7:36:11 > 7:36:14If you really want to be an entertainer, a good entertainer,
7:36:14 > 7:36:17you'll never actually be satisfied.
7:36:23 > 7:36:25I learned the trade.
7:36:25 > 7:36:28I practised on audiences.
7:36:32 > 7:36:36I learned to read an audience's facial expressions.
7:36:36 > 7:36:40I learned how to play a theatre.
7:36:41 > 7:36:44I used to think I was wonderful and marvellous in bed.
7:36:44 > 7:36:47Then I found out all my girlfriends had asthma.
7:36:50 > 7:36:53I have thought of going into politics. As a matter of fact...
7:36:53 > 7:36:56To be honest, the job I fancy is Chancellor of the Exchequer.
7:36:56 > 7:36:58At least I'd be reunited with my money.
7:37:01 > 7:37:04- LAUGHTER - But I...
7:37:10 > 7:37:13'So, er, do you still get nervous before you go on?
7:37:13 > 7:37:16'The thing that goes through your mind before you go on is,
7:37:16 > 7:37:21'you say, "Will I be OK tonight? Will I be able to do a good show?'
7:37:21 > 7:37:24"Will I remember the gags, will I remember the jokes,
7:37:24 > 7:37:29"will, erm, will I remember what I'm supposed to be doing?"
7:37:29 > 7:37:31The thing to remember if you are an entertainer
7:37:31 > 7:37:34and you are worried about going on is,
7:37:34 > 7:37:36they really want you... They want you to be good.
7:37:36 > 7:37:38They want to laugh.
7:37:38 > 7:37:41So really you shouldn't be nervous, but you are.
7:37:41 > 7:37:44There's only one cure for stage fright - keep doing it.
7:37:44 > 7:37:50Keep doing it, listen to what the muse inside you told you.
7:37:50 > 7:37:54It told you one day, "You can do it, you can do it."
7:37:54 > 7:37:56So go on and do it.
7:37:56 > 7:37:59So, yeah, yeah, of course you get nervous, you do the rituals,
7:37:59 > 7:38:05but you think to yourself, "Yeah, go on. Have a go."
7:38:08 > 7:38:11APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
7:38:11 > 7:38:14Oh, beautiful crowd, what can I say?
7:38:19 > 7:38:20Thank you!
7:38:20 > 7:38:22Thank you very much. Thank you.
7:38:22 > 7:38:25No, I mean, how tickled I am on me vacation.
7:38:25 > 7:38:27Tonight, ladies and gentlemen,
7:38:27 > 7:38:30I feel absolutely tottifilarious and full of plumptiousness.
7:38:30 > 7:38:33It makes me absolutely discomknickerated to see that
7:38:33 > 7:38:37so many of you have turned up for the free soup and...
7:38:37 > 7:38:40- Are you all enjoying yourselves? - ALL: Yes!
7:38:40 > 7:38:42Why, what are you doing?
7:38:42 > 7:38:45Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have a fabulous show for you,
7:38:45 > 7:38:49we've got artists from all the four corners of the labour exchange.
7:38:51 > 7:38:59# Love is like a violin
7:38:59 > 7:39:06# With its strings around your heart
7:39:06 > 7:39:13# Soft and sweet as dreams begin
7:39:15 > 7:39:22# Sadly crying when you part
7:39:22 > 7:39:28# Make my heart your violin... #
7:39:31 > 7:39:35Show business, you have to be many, many things.
7:39:35 > 7:39:39You have to be the business side of show business, it's very important.
7:39:39 > 7:39:41There's the business side, the power side,
7:39:41 > 7:39:43trying to get to where you want to be
7:39:43 > 7:39:45and when you get to where you want to be
7:39:45 > 7:39:48then you have to start thinking about how to stay there.
7:39:48 > 7:39:51Then, ultimately, there comes the question,
7:39:51 > 7:39:52"Do you want to stay there?"
7:39:56 > 7:40:00The whole pattern of show business has changed. At one time,
7:40:00 > 7:40:05you set your stall out, put your bill up and did a season.
7:40:05 > 7:40:09That is you do anything from 6 weeks to 26 weeks.
7:40:09 > 7:40:12Er, when we were in Blackpool we used to go opening Whit
7:40:12 > 7:40:16and go right through till Christmas,
7:40:16 > 7:40:19twice nightly, three times on a Saturday.
7:40:19 > 7:40:22The Palladium, I did the longest run ever there,
7:40:22 > 7:40:26from Easter till Christmas, but now it's all one-nighters.
7:40:26 > 7:40:29So, whereas at one time you could leave your props
7:40:29 > 7:40:32at the theatre and just go there in the car,
7:40:32 > 7:40:35now you have to take everything with you -
7:40:35 > 7:40:39amplifiers, musical instruments, costumes, you take it all with you.
7:40:39 > 7:40:42So the whole pattern of show business, at one time...
7:40:42 > 7:40:44INTERCOM CHIMES
7:40:44 > 7:40:46That'll be for me(!)
7:40:46 > 7:40:47HE CHUCKLES
7:40:47 > 7:40:49At one time...
7:40:49 > 7:40:51'Ladies and gentlemen, we are now approaching Nuneaton.
7:40:51 > 7:40:55'Change here for services to Cambridge, Stansted Airport
7:40:55 > 7:40:58'and services to Coventry.
7:40:58 > 7:41:01'Nuneaton is your next station. If you are leaving this train here,
7:41:01 > 7:41:04'please remember to take all your belongings.'
7:41:04 > 7:41:07Well, we're not going to any of those places. I'm going to London.
7:41:42 > 7:41:47"Depicted backstage, with his trademark pink tickling stick,
7:41:47 > 7:41:51"the painting reveals the vulnerability of the comic."
7:41:56 > 7:41:58I think what he's thinking,
7:41:58 > 7:42:02he's saying, it is sort of, "To be, or not to be,"
7:42:02 > 7:42:08"To do, or not to do". I think he's thinking, "Did I get it right?
7:42:08 > 7:42:10"This time, did I get it right?
7:42:10 > 7:42:17"This time, did I remember to...put the punch line in the right place?
7:42:18 > 7:42:19"How did I do?"
7:42:20 > 7:42:24I think my mother and father would be very pleased with me.
7:42:32 > 7:42:34"But the streets of London,
7:42:34 > 7:42:37"to be beheld at the very height of their glory,
7:42:37 > 7:42:42"should be seen on a dark, dull, murky winter's night
7:42:42 > 7:42:47"when there is just enough damp gently stealing down,
7:42:47 > 7:42:49"to make the pavement greasy,
7:42:49 > 7:42:53"without cleansing it of any of its impurities,
7:42:53 > 7:42:57"and when the heavy, lazy mist, which hangs over every object,
7:42:57 > 7:42:59"makes the gas-lamps look brighter,
7:42:59 > 7:43:01"and the brilliantly lighted shops more splendid
7:43:01 > 7:43:06"from the contrast that they present to the darkness around.
7:43:06 > 7:43:09"All the people who are at home on such a night as this,
7:43:09 > 7:43:15"seem disposed to make themselves as snug and comfortable as possible,
7:43:15 > 7:43:19"and the passengers in the streets have excellent reason to envy
7:43:19 > 7:43:23"the fortunate individuals who are seated by their own fireside."
7:43:27 > 7:43:29I've lived in London throughout the years.
7:43:29 > 7:43:32Couldn't commute back to Knotty Ash, even if I wanted to.
7:43:32 > 7:43:34I lived in a hotel in German Street,
7:43:34 > 7:43:37and then in an apartment in Kensington,
7:43:37 > 7:43:39and don't forget, this was in '65,
7:43:39 > 7:43:41'the Swinging Sixties,
7:43:41 > 7:43:45'so Carnaby Street was at the height of its fame,
7:43:45 > 7:43:47'everywhere was wonderful, yeah.
7:43:47 > 7:43:50'London was the most exciting place in the world.
7:43:51 > 7:43:55'You met some very interesting people, some very eccentric people,
7:43:55 > 7:44:00'very strange people. I was quite normal compared to them.
7:44:00 > 7:44:03'I met a famous gangster, then the politicians started to come -
7:44:03 > 7:44:06'Harold Wilson, Bessie Braddock...
7:44:06 > 7:44:09'Lots of politicians came to the show.
7:44:09 > 7:44:12'I think they wanted the gags, the jokes.'
7:44:12 > 7:44:14RECORDING OF OLD SHOW PLAYS
7:44:14 > 7:44:16DRUM ROLL 'Ladies and gentlemen,
7:44:16 > 7:44:18'please welcome Ken Dodd!'
7:44:18 > 7:44:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE FROM OLD SHOW
7:44:26 > 7:44:30By Jove, how tickled I am!
7:44:30 > 7:44:33By Jove, how tickled we were.
7:44:33 > 7:44:34How tickled we are.
7:44:34 > 7:44:38By Jove, Missus! Hoo-hoo-hoo-ho-ho!
7:44:38 > 7:44:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE FADES
7:44:49 > 7:44:52This is where I used to get told off every night.
7:44:52 > 7:44:55Every night, "Mr Dodd, you're 30 seconds over.
7:44:55 > 7:44:57"Mr Dodd, you're a minute over."
7:44:57 > 7:45:00If you did it too many times, you got a letter from the head office.
7:45:00 > 7:45:03I think this is how I became a stickler for time,
7:45:03 > 7:45:08for punctuality. I owe it all to this stage manager's desk.
7:45:08 > 7:45:12But now that you can go on for as long as you want to,
7:45:12 > 7:45:14is that why you do it, because you can?
7:45:14 > 7:45:16Today's a different world entirely.
7:45:16 > 7:45:19- Today there's one... - HE CHUCKLES
7:45:19 > 7:45:21..there's one huge difference.
7:45:21 > 7:45:25Today, I work for myself. So I'm the boss,
7:45:25 > 7:45:30and I say to myself, "Mr Dodd, you're 30 seconds over."
7:45:30 > 7:45:32- So... - HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
7:45:33 > 7:45:37Every performer, his dream is to play here at the Palladium.
7:45:37 > 7:45:40I had that honour several times,
7:45:40 > 7:45:43but the '65 one,
7:45:43 > 7:45:48of course, was the big one, because I'd never played in London before.
7:45:48 > 7:45:51So this was a big challenge for me.
7:45:51 > 7:45:53John Osborne brought the entire cast
7:45:53 > 7:45:56of a farce called Meals On Wheels,
7:45:56 > 7:45:59he wanted to show them what it was like for a comic,
7:45:59 > 7:46:01how a comic timed his laughs,
7:46:01 > 7:46:06the rhythm that a comic used for gags.
7:46:06 > 7:46:09He was very nice, he came round afterwards and invited me to tea,
7:46:09 > 7:46:12so I went to his house, had tea with John Osborne. Very nice.
7:46:12 > 7:46:15I was quite well-known, you know.
7:46:15 > 7:46:18- Did you miss Knotty Ash? - Not really,
7:46:18 > 7:46:22it was too exciting here. I was having a whale of a time here.
7:46:22 > 7:46:26And besides, they all came from Knotty Ash to see the show.
7:46:26 > 7:46:29I remember being here... We opened at Easter, on Good Friday,
7:46:29 > 7:46:32and we were here in May, and they had the Cup final
7:46:32 > 7:46:35and it went into extra time,
7:46:35 > 7:46:39and the show had just come down, on a Saturday afternoon,
7:46:39 > 7:46:42so we were all looking at the television set
7:46:42 > 7:46:43and it went into extra time,
7:46:43 > 7:46:48and Liverpool won the Cup final for the very first time.
7:46:48 > 7:46:50First time Liverpool had ever won the Cup final,
7:46:50 > 7:46:52that was the year they won it, in '65.
7:46:52 > 7:46:57In the evening, all the fans were all round the Palladium,
7:46:57 > 7:46:59all shouting, "We want Doddy!"
7:46:59 > 7:47:02I don't know what they were gonna do to me if they got me,
7:47:02 > 7:47:05but they were all round, all cheering...
7:47:05 > 7:47:07Yeah, that was very exciting.
7:47:07 > 7:47:10- It was a good time to be a Liverpudlian.- It was indeed, yeah.
7:47:10 > 7:47:12'65 was great, yeah.
7:47:12 > 7:47:15I was probably one of the most...
7:47:15 > 7:47:19..well, well-known of all the...whackers.
7:47:19 > 7:47:21That's what we are, we're whackers.
7:47:21 > 7:47:26'The show business personality of 1965, king of the diddy people,
7:47:26 > 7:47:27'Ken Dodd.'
7:47:27 > 7:47:30# Can't buy me love
7:47:30 > 7:47:35# Lo-o-ve Can't buy me love... #
7:47:35 > 7:47:38"Ken Dodd, the people's comic in the truest sense,
7:47:38 > 7:47:41"returned in triumph to the Palladium last night.
7:47:41 > 7:47:42"The applause for him was huge,
7:47:42 > 7:47:46"heartfelt, instantaneous and deserved."
7:47:46 > 7:47:49"His skill is in the construction of the delivery
7:47:49 > 7:47:50"and his judgment of our mood."
7:47:50 > 7:47:53"Mr Dodd is one of the most accomplished performers
7:47:53 > 7:47:55"to have hit the London stage."
7:47:55 > 7:47:57"Doddy has become the darling of the London scene
7:47:57 > 7:48:00"and is in danger of being captured by the intellectual set."
7:48:03 > 7:48:06We've always, always thought it might be a good question
7:48:06 > 7:48:09to put to Mr Kenneth Dodd and the members of The Beatles,
7:48:09 > 7:48:13"To what extent to they attribute their success to their hairstyles?"
7:48:13 > 7:48:16And we'll start by asking that question now of Mr Ken Dodd.
7:48:16 > 7:48:20The hairstyle? Well, I think it has a great deal to do with my...
7:48:20 > 7:48:22- with my what? Success? - Your hairstyle.
7:48:22 > 7:48:25Oh, yes! Well, I think so, yes. I like to keep it in trim.
7:48:25 > 7:48:27I eat a lot of Shredded Wheat cos it's good for the hair,
7:48:27 > 7:48:30and I have it cut twice a year, short, back and sides
7:48:30 > 7:48:32and a bit off the shoulders...
7:48:32 > 7:48:34What do you feel about the boys?
7:48:34 > 7:48:36I think it's a wonderful style,
7:48:36 > 7:48:41of course, they're different from me. With them being Martians...
7:48:43 > 7:48:46..a professor of archaeology at Knotty Ash University
7:48:46 > 7:48:49has discovered some tablets which say,
7:48:49 > 7:48:51"The Beatles are definitely Martians,
7:48:51 > 7:48:52"Grundy's their leader."
7:48:54 > 7:48:56- How long have you known this, Kenneth?- Bill Grundy?
7:48:56 > 7:48:59I've known he was out of this world for a long time!
7:48:59 > 7:49:03As Martians, I think it's a very good hairstyle.
7:49:03 > 7:49:05I'd like one of those myself.
7:49:10 > 7:49:17# Tears for souvenirs Are all you've left me... #
7:49:17 > 7:49:19'65 was THE season,
7:49:19 > 7:49:25my West End debut and...everything. Have you ever driven into town,
7:49:25 > 7:49:29and all the lights have been green for you? You know?
7:49:30 > 7:49:32It was one of those times.
7:49:32 > 7:49:37Everything went just right in that season.
7:49:37 > 7:49:441965, I recorded Tears For Souvenirs and it went to Number One,
7:49:44 > 7:49:47and it stayed in the charts for 18 weeks.
7:49:47 > 7:49:4918 weeks - wonderful.
7:49:49 > 7:49:54All the pop groups, they couldn't find things bad enough to say!
7:49:54 > 7:49:59This was a middle of the road song, sung by...you know...
7:50:01 > 7:50:04None of the rock'n'rollers could get in.
7:50:04 > 7:50:08I kept them out for 18 weeks and I got a golden disc.
7:50:08 > 7:50:11It's done two million now.
7:50:11 > 7:50:16- # Once more to tears of happiness...- #
7:50:16 > 7:50:18'What do you think of Mr Ken Dodd?'
7:50:18 > 7:50:21- He's great.- He's marvellous, he's a good lad.
7:50:21 > 7:50:25- Lovely hair!- Lovely hair. - Hair is lovely!
7:50:25 > 7:50:29We call it "her" in Liverpool, you see, Judy with the "fer her".
7:50:29 > 7:50:31THEY LAUGH
7:50:31 > 7:50:34A fella went into one of those shops once in Liverpool
7:50:34 > 7:50:36where they sell those minks and things,
7:50:36 > 7:50:39and he says, "Give us one of those there hery coats."
7:50:39 > 7:50:41"I beg your pardon, sir, what fur?"
7:50:41 > 7:50:43He said, "Fur the Judy - who do you think?"
7:50:45 > 7:50:47You do comedy as well, don't you?
7:50:47 > 7:50:50- I've seen John, you do some... - I just say lines.
7:50:50 > 7:50:52- You say some very good lines! - Oh, thank you.
7:50:52 > 7:50:55That one about rattling the jewels, very good.
7:50:55 > 7:50:57Have you worked gags into your act?
7:50:57 > 7:51:02I don't know...most of our gags are made up,
7:51:02 > 7:51:05so they either die or we keep 'em if they go down well.
7:51:05 > 7:51:09That jewel thing, we thought of the night before...
7:51:09 > 7:51:11So you'd like to do a bit more comedy?
7:51:11 > 7:51:13Yeah, but it's so hard, isn't it?!
7:51:15 > 7:51:18I imagine it's easier for four fellas than one.
7:51:18 > 7:51:21It'll be easier when we get him in the group!
7:51:21 > 7:51:22We'll leave it all up to him then.
7:51:26 > 7:51:29INAUDIBLE
7:51:38 > 7:51:43'I don't think I was a natural. A reasonably funny face,
7:51:43 > 7:51:48'but no, I wasn't the schoolboy... I wasn't the class comedian.
7:51:48 > 7:51:49'No, no, no.
7:51:55 > 7:51:58'What I was was completely stage-struck.
7:52:03 > 7:52:06'Oh, yes. I was stage-struck.
7:52:06 > 7:52:09'Once I'd seen the shows, I wanted to be on that stage.
7:52:13 > 7:52:16'It really didn't matter what it was,
7:52:16 > 7:52:19'whether I was a comedian, ventriloquist, juggler...
7:52:20 > 7:52:23'So, yes, I think I was stage-struck.'
7:52:29 > 7:52:35"But be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great,
7:52:35 > 7:52:37"some achieve greatness...
7:52:38 > 7:52:43"..and some have greatness thrust upon them.
7:52:43 > 7:52:48"Thy fates open their hands, let thy blood and spirit embrace them,
7:52:48 > 7:52:52"and to inure thyself to what thou art like to be,
7:52:52 > 7:52:57"cast thy humble slough, and appear fresh..."
7:52:57 > 7:53:00People said, "You'll never do it, Doddy." "Course I will," I said.
7:53:00 > 7:53:02"You'll never stick to the script."
7:53:02 > 7:53:05I said, "What do you think I am? Do you think I'm stupid?"
7:53:09 > 7:53:12When you're a comic, yes, OK,
7:53:12 > 7:53:16you start off by telling jokes, but throughout your career,
7:53:16 > 7:53:18you have to be many other things as well.
7:53:18 > 7:53:20To be a successful entertainer,
7:53:20 > 7:53:22you have to be a comedian, an orator,
7:53:22 > 7:53:25you have to be an actor, a poet,
7:53:25 > 7:53:27you have to be a creative writer,
7:53:27 > 7:53:32you have to be an impressionist, be able to do dialects,
7:53:32 > 7:53:38so you have to do about a dozen things to make the one entertainer.
7:53:38 > 7:53:40'Have you got a word of advice
7:53:40 > 7:53:42'for somebody who's starting out in show business?'
7:53:42 > 7:53:44I'll come to you later, the boys first.
7:53:44 > 7:53:49- Help!- Get a job, help... What do you say, Ringo?
7:53:49 > 7:53:52Do your best, you know.
7:53:52 > 7:53:54- That's grand, that. - LAUGHTER
7:53:54 > 7:53:57OK, a word of advice from Mr Kenneth Dodd.
7:53:57 > 7:54:00Well, I think anybody starting out in show business...
7:54:00 > 7:54:01- Is that a serious question?- Yes.
7:54:01 > 7:54:03Anyone starting out in show business
7:54:03 > 7:54:06should be like The Beatles and be original.
7:54:06 > 7:54:09Originality is the secret of success.
7:54:18 > 7:54:23Where do you go after you've done a season like you did at the Palladium?
7:54:23 > 7:54:24In terms of, you know...
7:54:24 > 7:54:28Oh, you go up after that. You go to Blackpool.
7:54:28 > 7:54:32You play the Blackpool Opera House, which is even bigger than this.
7:54:32 > 7:54:35This is big. This is very, very big.
7:54:35 > 7:54:40I think the Liverpool Empire is just as big, or even a little bit bigger.
7:54:40 > 7:54:44- I think this is 2,300, 2,500... - 2,500.- 2,500.
7:54:44 > 7:54:49Well, the Liverpool Empire is, or was, 2,750,
7:54:49 > 7:54:54and the Blackpool Opera House is 3,000...either 3,500 or 3,250,
7:54:54 > 7:54:58so they're very big theatres, but beautifully built,
7:54:58 > 7:55:04so that the acoustics and sightlines are absolutely brilliant.
7:55:04 > 7:55:06# Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside
7:55:06 > 7:55:08# Oh, I do like to be beside the sea... #
7:55:08 > 7:55:10PUPPET LAUGHS
7:55:35 > 7:55:37I...I started in 1954
7:55:37 > 7:55:40and I played all the theatres in Britain
7:55:40 > 7:55:44and I gradually built up my own...clientele
7:55:44 > 7:55:47and even now I go to the same places year after year.
7:55:47 > 7:55:50I've got like a window-cleaning round
7:55:50 > 7:55:55and I just go along to wherever it is - north, south, east, west -
7:55:55 > 7:55:59and the people who I've... entertained before
7:55:59 > 7:56:02come back to see me, so I'm very, very fortunate
7:56:02 > 7:56:07in that I don't have to rely on television or radio.
7:56:09 > 7:56:13I think, in the early days, for the first 20 or 30 years,
7:56:13 > 7:56:18I used to notch up about... oh, anything. 300, 350 shows a year.
7:56:18 > 7:56:22Every day, in fact. Every day, and sometimes twice daily.
7:56:22 > 7:56:24Sometimes three times.
7:56:24 > 7:56:28But now I try to do about three or four a week.
7:56:28 > 7:56:29At one time trains used to go,
7:56:29 > 7:56:34"Tiddly-dee, tiddly-da, tiddly-dee, tiddly-doo, suck it yourself."
7:56:34 > 7:56:38- But now it's...- You don't know they're moving, do you?- It glides.
7:56:38 > 7:56:41- Well, sometimes they're not moving. - MAN LAUGHS
7:56:45 > 7:56:46And you're Mr Virgin, are you?
7:56:46 > 7:56:49- I am. I am indeed. - Well, can I ask...?
7:56:49 > 7:56:52It's not a complaint, it's just a suggestion.
7:56:52 > 7:56:55Why can't we have some decent food?
7:56:55 > 7:56:58- Why can't you have bacon butties? - Bacon butties?
7:56:58 > 7:57:02Why can't we have some roast beef sandwiches?
7:57:02 > 7:57:05Stuff like that, stuff that we know and recognise.
7:57:05 > 7:57:09- Instead of some...things...- Right...
7:57:09 > 7:57:12Things in wraps... that smell quite, er...
7:57:13 > 7:57:16Well, get a morning train and you'll get your bacon butties.
7:57:16 > 7:57:18- Will you? Oh.- Yeah.
7:57:18 > 7:57:21So if you want a bacon butty you have to get the morning train?
7:57:21 > 7:57:25- It's breakfast, really, yeah. - Ohhh. Well, now, that's it.
7:57:25 > 7:57:29- But we do have them! - That's it. Because...you know...
7:57:29 > 7:57:33Two o'clock in the afternoon... I mean...curry and crisps...
7:57:33 > 7:57:35Not really your thing?
7:57:35 > 7:57:37- Not very sustaining.- No, no.
7:57:37 > 7:57:40And you pay for it later on when you're doing your show.
7:57:40 > 7:57:43- # Tears... # - HE BELCHES
7:57:43 > 7:57:44# ..for souvenirs...
7:57:44 > 7:57:47# Happiness... # Ohhh...
7:57:47 > 7:57:49How's business?
7:57:57 > 7:58:00Because what's a holiday coast for the many
7:58:00 > 7:58:02is a hard-working coast for the few
7:58:02 > 7:58:04who play to packed houses in the theatres
7:58:04 > 7:58:08or who work on the golden mile of sideshows and booths,
7:58:08 > 7:58:11alleys and oyster bars between the north pier and central pier,
7:58:11 > 7:58:14where there's adventure every yard.
7:58:16 > 7:58:20And where Blackpool seems to offer everything that Paris can
7:58:20 > 7:58:22and a breezy kind of humour all its own.
7:58:24 > 7:58:28Everyone's enjoying themselves here at Blackpool down on the beach.
7:58:28 > 7:58:31It's so crowded here in Blackpool, ladies and gentlemen,
7:58:31 > 7:58:36the Corporation have had to send to Morecambe for more sea-goers!
7:58:36 > 7:58:40My aunty Nelly, me big aunty Nelly, she was down on the beach.
7:58:40 > 7:58:42Me big aunty Nelly. And the man from Blackpool Corporation said,
7:58:42 > 7:58:44"Missus, would you mind getting off the beach?
7:58:44 > 7:58:46"The tide's waiting to come in." Big!
7:58:48 > 7:58:50Yesterday, she dived into the sea
7:58:50 > 7:58:53and six trawlers were beached at the Isle of Man.
7:58:53 > 7:58:55LAUGHTER
7:58:55 > 7:58:57Everyone's here at Blackpool...
7:58:57 > 7:58:59Some of the sideshows were marvellous.
7:58:59 > 7:59:03There used to be a big sign - "It was her father's fault."
7:59:03 > 7:59:06I never found out what it was, but it was her father's fault.
7:59:06 > 7:59:11Then the other one, er... "Half woman, half fish."
7:59:11 > 7:59:14Mermaid. Er...
7:59:14 > 7:59:17There was another one that said, "Come and see a horse
7:59:17 > 7:59:19"with a tail where its head should be."
7:59:21 > 7:59:24And when you went inside - it was sixpence -
7:59:24 > 7:59:27it was the horse the wrong way round in the cart.
7:59:35 > 7:59:37I've been coming here now for years.
7:59:37 > 7:59:43Every year. Every year since 1954 or 1955. Mm.
7:59:43 > 7:59:47Every year, at one of the theatres in Blackpool, I've played here
7:59:47 > 7:59:50and I've played with some really big stars.
7:59:52 > 7:59:54# Oh, what a glorious thing to be
7:59:54 > 7:59:57# A healthy grown-up busy, busy bee
7:59:57 > 7:59:59# Making hay while time is ripe
7:59:59 > 8:00:01# Building up the honeycomb just like tripe
8:00:01 > 8:00:04# I'd like to be a busy, busy bee
8:00:04 > 8:00:06# Being just as busy as a bee can be
8:00:06 > 8:00:09# Flying all around the wild hedgerows... #
8:00:13 > 8:00:17I cover it like that, you see, and what happens...
8:00:17 > 8:00:19LAUGHTER
8:00:19 > 8:00:22Too many bottles. Now...
8:00:22 > 8:00:26# Sally, Sally
8:00:26 > 8:00:28# Don't ever wander... #
8:00:28 > 8:00:31I played the Opera House one year
8:00:31 > 8:00:35and, on the Sunday concert, Gracie Fields was on.
8:00:36 > 8:00:40She left all the flowers, all the bouquets. "You have them, Doddy."
8:00:40 > 8:00:43You know, "I can't get them back to Capri."
8:00:43 > 8:00:46So she left me all the flowers, that was nice.
8:00:46 > 8:00:51It is the, er... It is the privilege of the...
8:00:51 > 8:00:54Whoever occupies the number-one dressing room,
8:00:54 > 8:00:57whoever is the star and number one, it is your privilege
8:00:57 > 8:01:02to play host to another star who's coming in on the Sunday.
8:01:02 > 8:01:06So it is good manners - and they do, they're very, very kind, very kind -
8:01:06 > 8:01:09they move their stuff to one side,
8:01:09 > 8:01:13usually put clean linen over them, so you don't touch them,
8:01:13 > 8:01:16and then they'll leave you a nice note,
8:01:16 > 8:01:18perhaps a bottle of champagne,
8:01:18 > 8:01:22or a tin of lager, according to how big a star they are,
8:01:22 > 8:01:24and...in most...you still...
8:01:24 > 8:01:27even today though you have to bring your own soap.
8:01:29 > 8:01:33# Sleigh bells ring Are you listenin'?
8:01:33 > 8:01:36# Down the lane Snow is glistenin'
8:01:36 > 8:01:40# A beautiful sight We're happy tonight... #
8:01:40 > 8:01:42I've got better ones, but not so clean.
8:01:42 > 8:01:46The other one I like is about the two little insects...
8:01:46 > 8:01:50# Ta-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta Hyde Park Corner... #
8:01:50 > 8:01:54One of old pros, as we used to call them, one of the old troopers,
8:01:54 > 8:01:56showed me how to make up
8:01:56 > 8:02:00and he told me to always put a blob of red in the corner of your eye.
8:02:00 > 8:02:03That makes your eyes sparkle, makes your eyes...
8:02:03 > 8:02:07And you give people the idea that here on the stage is a jester.
8:02:07 > 8:02:11A jester. Um...a Merry Andrew.
8:02:11 > 8:02:13A... "By Jove, missus, ha-ha!"
8:02:13 > 8:02:15And that's what they want to see.
8:02:15 > 8:02:18They want to see life, they want to see energy.
8:02:19 > 8:02:21When you went to see a live show...
8:02:21 > 8:02:24A live show is the best show you can possibly go to.
8:02:24 > 8:02:28Cos when you go to a live show you don't just watch it, you're in it.
8:02:28 > 8:02:31You take part in it, you are part of the show.
8:02:31 > 8:02:33How are you part of it? What does that mean?
8:02:33 > 8:02:37Because you...you interact with the entertainers on the stage.
8:02:37 > 8:02:41There are two ways... two ways of telling a joke,
8:02:41 > 8:02:44or two ways of entertaining an audience.
8:02:44 > 8:02:46You can either do a show at them...
8:02:47 > 8:02:49..or with them.
8:02:49 > 8:02:52And with them is the best way.
8:02:52 > 8:02:55I try to do a show with the audience.
8:02:55 > 8:02:58Not sort of...not a lot of audience participation,
8:02:58 > 8:03:00I don't mean community singin',
8:03:00 > 8:03:02although we do a bit of that as well,
8:03:02 > 8:03:06but...you know, make 'em feel that...
8:03:06 > 8:03:09this show is just...for you.
8:03:13 > 8:03:16And so I've got to try and plan
8:03:16 > 8:03:20what sort of a show I'm going to do tonight, which, um...
8:03:20 > 8:03:24People say, "How do you remember it?" You remember by key words.
8:03:24 > 8:03:28In these, er, routines there's a key word which tells me,
8:03:28 > 8:03:32you know, "That's... I'll do the motorcar routine.
8:03:32 > 8:03:37"I'll do the, er...I'll do the honeymoon couple routine.
8:03:37 > 8:03:40"I'll do the... the illuminations routine."
8:03:43 > 8:03:46You've got to have good jokes, new jokes.
8:03:46 > 8:03:48Not necessarily brand-new jokes,
8:03:48 > 8:03:51because there's no such thing as an old joke,
8:03:51 > 8:03:53only jokes that people have heard before.
8:03:53 > 8:03:55The oldest joke in the world...
8:03:55 > 8:03:58I'll probably be telling it tonight, in different ways.
8:03:58 > 8:04:02The oldest joke in the world is the joke where the people in one village
8:04:02 > 8:04:07think that the people in the next village are barmy. Mm.
8:04:10 > 8:04:13You'll hear it come over the loudspeaker in a moment.
8:04:13 > 8:04:15He'll say, "Half an hour, please."
8:04:15 > 8:04:19That means you've got 35 minutes. Don't ask him why, it's 35.
8:04:19 > 8:04:23Then he'll say, "Quarter of an hour, please," which is 20 minutes.
8:04:23 > 8:04:27Then he'll say, "Overture and beginners,"
8:04:27 > 8:04:28which is five minutes.
8:04:39 > 8:04:43'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr Ken Dodd!'
8:04:43 > 8:04:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
8:04:48 > 8:04:51# ..more than my share of happiness
8:04:52 > 8:04:55# To me this world is a wonderful place
8:04:55 > 8:04:59# I'm the luckiest human in the human race
8:04:59 > 8:05:02# I've got no silver and I've got no gold
8:05:02 > 8:05:05# But I've got happiness in my soul
8:05:05 > 8:05:09# Happiness to me is an ocean tide
8:05:09 > 8:05:12# A sunset fading on a mountainside
8:05:12 > 8:05:15# A big old heaven full of stars above
8:05:15 > 8:05:18# When I'm in the arms of the one I love
8:05:18 > 8:05:22# Oh, happiness, happiness
8:05:22 > 8:05:24# The greatest gift that I possess
8:05:24 > 8:05:28# I thank the Lord that I've been blessed
8:05:28 > 8:05:31# With more than my share of happiness
8:05:31 > 8:05:38# I've got more than my share of happiness! #
8:05:54 > 8:05:56How was the show tonight?
8:05:56 > 8:06:00Well, it was...it was a good show tonight, yeah.
8:06:00 > 8:06:03I thought we were all... I thought we worked well together.
8:06:03 > 8:06:06The audience and me, they were very responsive,
8:06:06 > 8:06:08and, er...
8:06:08 > 8:06:11it's now...let's see... What time is it?
8:06:11 > 8:06:14It's one o'clock in the morning,
8:06:14 > 8:06:16so, er...
8:06:16 > 8:06:20I feel...I feel pleasantly shattered, you know.
8:06:22 > 8:06:26Tired but...yeah. It was a good show. Um...
8:06:27 > 8:06:31Tried a few new gags out. They went quite well.
8:06:31 > 8:06:35Tried about half a dozen and four of them went quite well.
8:06:35 > 8:06:36Two of them hit the deck,
8:06:36 > 8:06:39but that's all right, they won't be in next week.
8:06:39 > 8:06:42So...yeah, it was a good show, yeah.
8:07:10 > 8:07:13- Happiness for you! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
8:07:13 > 8:07:17Happiness! Happiness...for you!
8:07:30 > 8:07:32Happiness.
8:07:32 > 8:07:35Well, that's the comedian's job, isn't it?
8:07:35 > 8:07:37With one of these.
8:07:37 > 8:07:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE