0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains very strong language.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13I'm gagging to get on. I'm like a greyhound in a trap.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22It actually is like being able to fly.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Stand-up is such an opportunity to tell the truth.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30You can say whatever you want.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35You're selling your ideas and your thoughts.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38They want a human connection with you.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43Stand-up comedy is such a powerful medium, because you feel,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46if it's done properly, you're laughing and you're evolving.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47As an art form, it is the only art form
0:00:47 > 0:00:50where you can immediately feel the responses of it.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54You just say what you feel, you connect and bring the audience in.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57A kind of wave comes,
0:00:57 > 0:01:02and when it gets to a certain point I step onto it like a surfer.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06As soon as you get one taste of it, I was ready to give up everything.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11That is a magic feeling. You can do whatever you want with all this.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Then you've got to come off.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Then what?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17You want to be back on stage again.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Someone referred to it as the joke coke.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24It's a good description, because it can be addictive.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Like sometimes when you come off stage after an amazing gig,
0:01:28 > 0:01:32you're just like, "Let's do that again, I want to go back on."
0:01:32 > 0:01:35ANTICIPATORY CLAPPING
0:01:39 > 0:01:42CLAPPING SPEEDS UP
0:01:42 > 0:01:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Don't take this personally. Born in Chelsea, Holland Park school...
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- I've never been so offended in my life.- ..Ulster University.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Aren't you a bit of a fraud, really? - Yes.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57(IN ACCENT) I talk like this for some reason because I thought it was funny.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59I thought the concept of an energetic
0:02:59 > 0:03:02but slightly unfocused Middle Eastern accent
0:03:02 > 0:03:05was something that would get me started off quite well.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- Most of the time, you've got that look on your face. - A lot of the time, yeah.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I feel I'm smiling.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13People don't say, "Cheer up, it might never happen,"
0:03:13 > 0:03:15but that happened all through my life.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18I was just given this face that doesn't smile very much.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21My school was Haberdashers' Aske's School in Elstree,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- a minor public school. - Such an underprivileged background.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26There we go. Although, of course,
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Haberdashers' is a strange locus of comedy, because I went there,
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Sacha Baron Cohen went there, Matt Lucas went there
0:03:32 > 0:03:35and that is to do, obviously, with young, slightly cocky, Jews.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39It's very rare to have a very good-looking stand-up,
0:03:39 > 0:03:42because they can already be in the centre.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44You just wonder what the need was,
0:03:44 > 0:03:49because you've already got that. We're already looking at you.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58It's a brilliant thing. It's just this bit before.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01It's the uncertainty of not knowing the audience
0:04:01 > 0:04:04but as soon as I'm on there tonight I'll be fine.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07It's my fault for running around like an idiot.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09If I was deadpan, this wouldn't happen.
0:04:09 > 0:04:14And this is where I start pacing, running through each bit of my set.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16I go on with the stopwatch with my bottle of water.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19As I go on, hit that, put it down with my water. No-one notices.
0:04:19 > 0:04:24Then every time I have to drink my water, which is loads because I sweat all the way through,
0:04:24 > 0:04:27I can have a sneaky check of the time and no-one knows.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32Did you have this need to perform from very early on in your life?
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Yeah, I did, yeah, and subsequently found out
0:04:35 > 0:04:37when I was in the drinks clinic
0:04:37 > 0:04:40trying to rid myself of certain things, they said
0:04:40 > 0:04:43"That's why you were a comedian. You were a born alcoholic.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45"You wanted to be centre of attention,
0:04:45 > 0:04:48"and your job is the easiest way of getting it."
0:04:48 > 0:04:52- My dad, I think, having been a pop singer...- Was he?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Aspired... I think he saw showbiz as it is -
0:04:55 > 0:04:59the great escape for the working classes.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01So, yeah, his advice to me was not
0:05:01 > 0:05:06"get a trade" and all the things that my other mates' dads were saying,
0:05:06 > 0:05:07it was "get on the bandwagon".
0:05:07 > 0:05:09How are we doing sound check-wise?
0:05:09 > 0:05:12The individual jokes are easy to remember.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14the problem with it is remembering the order,
0:05:14 > 0:05:17you know, 250 jokes in an hour and a half.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23Stand-up comedy is maybe a personality disorder that you can do for a living.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26I don't think that's a bad description of it.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29There is an element of self-analysis involved,
0:05:29 > 0:05:34of poring over your own life, which might not be too healthy.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37You can have really bad things happen in your life,
0:05:37 > 0:05:38and all you're thinking is,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41"Well, this could be the end of an Edinburgh show."
0:05:41 > 0:05:43It's time.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45OK, two minutes. Thanks.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Right, we're going to go on stage now.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Are we doing it? It's happening, it's happening, it's happening.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09See you in a little while.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:11 > 0:06:14How are we doing? Are we well?
0:06:24 > 0:06:28You know from the first joke roughly how it's going to go.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Hello, good to have you here. I know, it's mortifying, isn't it,
0:06:31 > 0:06:36cos everyone can see you. Sorry we had to start the show "on time".
0:06:36 > 0:06:37LAUGHTER
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Smiling is no good to a comedian.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43It's about volume. I must get my volume.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- What do you do for a living, if you don't mind me asking?- I'm a nurse.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48You're a nurse. Fantastic.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52In the old days, they used to get applause, but not any more.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Now everyone around here is thinking "Ooh, MRSA."
0:06:56 > 0:06:57LAUGHTER
0:06:57 > 0:07:02I'll go on and talk about where I've been, what I've been doing, what's going on, what I've noticed.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Ow!
0:07:04 > 0:07:07And then go on about how difficult I find life with women.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I went and got myself married a while ago again,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13because odd numbers are good for me.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19And she's a nice girl, with a flat head to put your pint.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20I think OK, we've got the joke,
0:07:20 > 0:07:23and then I do it literally in front of the mirror.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26And I will keep doing it until it will make me laugh
0:07:26 > 0:07:27and then I go, "Ha! That's it."
0:07:27 > 0:07:31"You're being racist!" "About who?" "Those white people over there!"
0:07:31 > 0:07:32"Which one in particular?"
0:07:32 > 0:07:35"I don't know, they all look the same to me."
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Why I always wear suits on stage is,
0:07:37 > 0:07:41I like the nothingness of it to be taken seriously.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Are you not sick and tired
0:07:43 > 0:07:47of hearing about Harry "fuckface" Potter?
0:07:47 > 0:07:53It's a huge feeling of kind of sharing with the audience
0:07:53 > 0:07:59your view of the world and the reward from that is they get you.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Whereas acting is all about character, I think for me,
0:08:02 > 0:08:06stand-up is about attitude, and that informs everything you do onstage.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13The weirdest thing about being a comedian is,
0:08:13 > 0:08:15when you walk out into that light,
0:08:15 > 0:08:19'you're saying that you're the funniest man in the room.'
0:08:20 > 0:08:21It's me.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25The first line or two are very, very important, you know.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Just to get it that little bit off the floor.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33I feel particularly splendy today. I do.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38No, today, ladies and gentlemen, I finished my first novel.
0:08:38 > 0:08:43It's taken me a long time to read a book, but there you go.
0:08:43 > 0:08:49'I've always tried very hard to be as funny as ordinary people are,'
0:08:49 > 0:08:52just ordinary guys, the way welders used to do it in the Clyde,
0:08:52 > 0:08:54just make you laugh round the fire
0:08:54 > 0:08:58when you were toasting your sandwiches.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02There were a lot of funny guys, you know, not telling jokes,
0:09:02 > 0:09:08just having a go at the foreman, the conditions, whatever it was.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11I always thought, "God, I want to be as funny as that,
0:09:11 > 0:09:12"how do you get as funny as that?"
0:09:14 > 0:09:17I was a phenomenally late starter for a comedian.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20I did my first gig when I was 30.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23When you lived in the West Midlands in the 1970s,
0:09:23 > 0:09:25showbiz seemed like a long way away
0:09:25 > 0:09:29and so it didn't really seem like an option
0:09:29 > 0:09:31to do anything of that nature.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34So I was happy being a sort of stand-up comedian at school
0:09:34 > 0:09:36or in the factory or in the pub.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41It was very much humour is a saving grace,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44that was the message I got, growing up.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48So, whenever I felt marginalised at school or even
0:09:48 > 0:09:52when I was an adolescent growing up and everyone was copping off
0:09:52 > 0:09:55at parties and they had girlfriends and no-one was interested in me,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58there was some culture week going on
0:09:58 > 0:10:00and I did a sketch and the teacher said,
0:10:00 > 0:10:04"Let's put it on in front of the school." And I just remember
0:10:04 > 0:10:08the laughs was like an avalanche of noise, I just remember thinking,
0:10:08 > 0:10:10"I quite like this!"
0:10:10 > 0:10:13And it wasn't so much the feeling of the laughter,
0:10:13 > 0:10:17it was afterwards, having sixth-formers patting me on the head,
0:10:17 > 0:10:21saying, "That was really funny, mate, I didn't see that one coming."
0:10:23 > 0:10:28We left around just before the revolution of '79.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30I would have been almost four,
0:10:30 > 0:10:33and I was six when the revolution happened.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42What my mum and my dad did then to shield us children
0:10:42 > 0:10:45was to make light of it and to laugh about it -
0:10:45 > 0:10:50my dad is a comedian and a writer, satirist.
0:10:50 > 0:10:55Everyone used to come up to me and go, "Oh, your dad's so funny, are you as funny as your dad?"
0:10:55 > 0:10:59So, for myself and my brother, the sort of measure of being,
0:10:59 > 0:11:05you know, an acceptable human being was on how funny you could be.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12There was no comedy clubs at all then,
0:11:12 > 0:11:16just working man's clubs, stag shows, that was where an agent would phone you up -
0:11:16 > 0:11:20"I want you to do three on Friday night, two on Thursday, four Wednesday,
0:11:20 > 0:11:24"write them all down." You'd do three a night and get fifteen quid a time.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27You were doing old jokes that people tell you in the pub.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31The trick that I used to be quite good at was painting a sort of picture,
0:11:31 > 0:11:35using different accents and painting a picture in people's minds
0:11:35 > 0:11:38and the fact I could do Irish accents and this cartoon West Indian accent,
0:11:38 > 0:11:42I stuck with what I knew and just picked the best jokes
0:11:42 > 0:11:44that I'd heard and strung them together.
0:11:44 > 0:11:49My Auntie Margaret took me to the theatre.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51I was only eight or nine.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55We would go and see Liberace and people like that,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58but they would always have a comedian to end the first half.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01They didn't call them stand-up comedians,
0:12:01 > 0:12:05they called them front-of-cloth comedians
0:12:05 > 0:12:10because you stood...they stood right on the edge of the stage with the curtain at the back -
0:12:10 > 0:12:15their job was to keep you interested while they changed the scenery back there.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I used to just wait and wait for these guys to come out.
0:12:22 > 0:12:28There was an English comedian called Bentley who did the Empire circuits,
0:12:28 > 0:12:32the Glasgow Empire, and I just couldn't wait,
0:12:32 > 0:12:36I saw Max Wall, I saw all these wonderful guys.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38That's when I thought I would like to be a comedian.
0:12:38 > 0:12:43We're going to play the final game, called Junos and Jeffers.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Have you ever played Junos and Jeffers?
0:12:45 > 0:12:50You know, where you stand and say, JUNO what happened to so-and-so?
0:12:50 > 0:12:52JEFFER see anything of so-and-so?
0:13:00 > 0:13:04As a kid, I loved, loved Groucho Marx.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07I love you, I love you anyhow.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09I don't think you'd love me if I were poor.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I might, but I'd keep my mouth shut.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17I loved the idea of just being able to do those completely crisp,
0:13:17 > 0:13:21all lean meat, one-liners. No storytelling or anything,
0:13:21 > 0:13:26I'm not interested in those...you know, there's always a great storyteller. No, that bang!
0:13:26 > 0:13:30I feel you are the most able statesman in all Fredonia.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36You better beat it. I hear they're gonna tear you down and put up an office building.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39You can leave a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45You haven't stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48For me it starts with Grouch Marx, really, which is...
0:13:48 > 0:13:52suddenly you've got someone who's... you know, he's dressed in this
0:13:52 > 0:13:55kind of slapstick way, but he's doing very, very modern comedy,
0:13:55 > 0:13:59a very modern persona, it's arch, it's knowing, it breaks the camera wall.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Promise me you'll follow in the footsteps of my husband.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07How do you like that? I haven't been in the job five minutes and already she's making advances to me.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Not that I care, but where is your husband?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Why, he's dead.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16- I was with him till the very end. - No wonder he passed away.
0:14:17 > 0:14:22Bob Hope, a brilliant comedian. Bob Hope, absolutely brilliant.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25A lot of people tell me that when a big star comes to New York
0:14:25 > 0:14:29they're besieged by autograph hounds, that's what they tell me.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34Well, we have a GI audience, with all servicemen -
0:14:34 > 0:14:38don't throw the camera on them, they may be AWOL - but I wanna tell you...
0:14:38 > 0:14:41You need to have a sense of what works in front of a crowd.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44It's not just shouting, it's not just "Look at me, look at me."
0:14:44 > 0:14:52but you get a good instinct for what a crowd is like, as an animal.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57No, please... Who cued that, who cued that?
0:14:57 > 0:15:01I've often said that comedy is about jokes
0:15:01 > 0:15:04rather than about character and plot and all that stuff.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Basically because I've written a couple of sit-coms
0:15:07 > 0:15:11and I'm rubbish at character and plot, so I'm keen to push the stuff
0:15:11 > 0:15:14I'm good at as being what comedy's all about!
0:15:14 > 0:15:17An Irishman on a building site, eating a big piece of Gorgonzola.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20You won't get 45 minutes each way and a band at half-time.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Come into a restaurant and he said, what's on the menu?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Don't mess about, they've been playing for money!
0:15:26 > 0:15:31There's a great divide in comedy when you stop being able to just tell jokes,
0:15:31 > 0:15:37just learn all these and I'm going to go out and go, "Murphy and Casey walked into a bar..."
0:15:39 > 0:15:44You look at old tapes of Dave Allen and they're jokes, they are JOKES jokes.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48And then, the basis became more and more personal as they came along.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54A lot of people ask me, why do I drink during the show?
0:15:54 > 0:15:58And is it because I need the drink to get through the show?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00I can tell you now, the reason I drink
0:16:00 > 0:16:03is it does, sitting here, get very hot.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05A tremendous amount of lights,
0:16:05 > 0:16:10and the only reason I have the drink is basically to keep cool.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13I want to make it quite clear that I am not reliant on alcohol
0:16:13 > 0:16:16to get me through... GET AWAY FROM THAT!
0:16:23 > 0:16:26How do you think I get through the show?
0:16:26 > 0:16:30Dave Allen could tell a story, and within that story he would use
0:16:30 > 0:16:34the framework of that story to then digress into various observations.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38It's really nice to watch that sort of relaxed,
0:16:38 > 0:16:44you know, drink there and fag on the go, here's what I think about shit.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48A very important part of the Irish way of life is death.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53If anyone else, anywhere in the world dies, that's kind of it.
0:16:53 > 0:16:59But in Ireland, when someone dies, we lay them out and watch them for a couple of days.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03There is a sense that Irish comics tend to be predominately storytellers,
0:17:03 > 0:17:05long-form storytellers.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08We tend to pick a topic and run with it for a while.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14And the terrible thing about dying over there is you miss your own wake.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16The best day of your life.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19You've paid for everything and you can't join in.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22You build up something that's long and feels organic,
0:17:22 > 0:17:25and feels like one train of thought.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28"Mary, are you there, darling, are you there?"
0:17:28 > 0:17:33And she goes, "I'm here, love, I'm here beside you."
0:17:33 > 0:17:37"I'm going, I'm going."
0:17:37 > 0:17:42She says, "I know... Don't hang about, now."
0:17:42 > 0:17:44It's like putting a stone in running water,
0:17:44 > 0:17:47and the water takes the edges off it and smooths it out.
0:17:51 > 0:17:58"Mary, before I go, I'm gonna ask you the question, tell me now,
0:17:58 > 0:18:04"that skinny little runt standing at the end of the bed, is he really my son?"
0:18:06 > 0:18:12She says, "He is. Honest to God, he is your son."
0:18:12 > 0:18:13And he goes...
0:18:15 > 0:18:19And she goes, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
0:18:22 > 0:18:26One of the things a stand-up wants to create is a coherent stance.
0:18:26 > 0:18:31When you're writing, you want it to appear that this is definitely you, it's your personality.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35The test is often, with the comic, when they're knocked off the script.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39The script, they're just the bullets and you're the gun.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41You know, you have to be the funny thing.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48A lot of the time, you have to be the fall guy.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52You know, you have to be the weak link in the story.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54If it's about being bad at sex,
0:18:54 > 0:18:57you're the one who's being bad at it,
0:18:57 > 0:19:01you're not the guy observing somebody being bad at it,
0:19:01 > 0:19:06and the story mustn't be, "Oh, I was great, but she was awful."
0:19:06 > 0:19:09The funniest stories are always about inadequacy.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12I think the insecurity's very important.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14I think, without it, there's no human being there.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18I'm not really interested in seeing comedians who just come out,
0:19:18 > 0:19:22confident and loud in a shiny suit.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25I don't know where the human being is in that person,
0:19:25 > 0:19:27I don't know where their fear is,
0:19:27 > 0:19:30I want to know about their... I want to know who they are.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39In stand-up there should be no restrictions between what you're feeling,
0:19:39 > 0:19:43what you're saying to your friends, to yourself, and what you say to the audience.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47So, by going in front of the audience with only a few bullet points,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49you end up just having to say these things -
0:19:49 > 0:19:52you're desperate for something to connect with someone.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55The truth is usually what connects them, usually what's funny.
0:19:55 > 0:20:00What you've come for tonight is not a honed, good, funny show.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Don't have that expectation.
0:20:02 > 0:20:08You're here for me to try out stuff for people in the future who have paid more.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Right, let's begin.
0:20:09 > 0:20:14I shouldn't be asking them to write the jokes for me, but...
0:20:14 > 0:20:16I've got an awkward relationship with my father.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20My dad says, "Let's have a chat." Can't just talk to me. "Let's have a chat."
0:20:20 > 0:20:23It has to be this formalised thing where I go over,
0:20:23 > 0:20:26sit down next to him... And here's how he begins our chat.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29"So...?" That's not a question, is it?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32"So..."
0:20:32 > 0:20:35I don't know what to do about that now.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39I'm going to give it... I'm going to say, "Tick, with better audience."
0:20:39 > 0:20:41LAUGHTER
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Look, what have you paid? Six or seven pounds?
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Yeah. Fuck you. Cos...
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I'm quite famous.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52My mum would say, "You should really give them what they want.
0:20:52 > 0:20:57"They'd love to hear your stories about show business, and they'd love to hear..."
0:20:57 > 0:21:00It's not interesting. They might, and they might laugh for an hour.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03"Oh, my God, he's so funny, we're laughing, we're laughing."
0:21:03 > 0:21:08And afterwards, they'd go home and go, "He just sort of spoke about pop music."
0:21:08 > 0:21:12Whereas, I think, what I do, they might not laugh as much...
0:21:12 > 0:21:15but they go home thinking, "Well, that was interesting!"
0:21:15 > 0:21:19So, I was in Amsterdam, which is sort of a sexualised place anyway.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23But I was thinking about sex just about the whole time I was there,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25just about the whole three days I was there,
0:21:25 > 0:21:29apart from maybe 25 minutes in the Anne Frank museum.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33And I was there for an hour.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41"That's a nice cupboard."
0:21:44 > 0:21:47I'm not so interested in saying, "Haven't we all got toasters?
0:21:47 > 0:21:51"Oh, yeah, we've all got toasters. Yeah, we like toast." It's not...
0:21:51 > 0:21:55So? I can't bear the celebrations of the mundane.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I'm more interested... I'm more interested in saying,
0:21:58 > 0:22:01you know, "The world seems mundane, the world seems rigid and stiff,
0:22:01 > 0:22:03"and here's what's really going on."
0:22:03 > 0:22:07I've realised, whatever problem I have with another person...
0:22:07 > 0:22:13I've been alive long enough now to realise that those people are recurring characters -
0:22:13 > 0:22:17different people, but just the same thing cropping up again and again.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21So I've made a list of the recurring characters in my life,
0:22:21 > 0:22:23because I'm odd.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27This one... This is the annoying... OK.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31"The beautiful humourless boy who I fancy a lot
0:22:31 > 0:22:34"but who I'm also very angry with for being so beautiful
0:22:34 > 0:22:36"and not laughing when I say clearly funny things."
0:22:40 > 0:22:43I get quite angry in this section.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46It can't all be funny for seven pounds!
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Do you just want laughs or do you want more than laughs?
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- Much, much more. - HE LAUGHS
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Sometimes I'm annoyed they're laughing. I think, "Why are you laughing?
0:22:57 > 0:22:59"You should be asking me if I'm all right."
0:22:59 > 0:23:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:24 > 0:23:27I'm quite lonely. Let's start with that.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Nothing can be done about it, people of Dublin.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Nothing can be done.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39I bought a new flat about two years ago. In this flat,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42in the bathroom, there are two sinks.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45I thought that would bring me some joy.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50It is a constant reminder.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56And so what I've had to do - this is what I'm doing now in my life,
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I'm actually doing this - I'm using both sinks.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03I now every day brush my teeth in the left sink
0:24:03 > 0:24:05and in the right one mainly cry.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11Do you ever worry that you're revealing too much of yourself when you do this?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13No, the opposite. I always think,
0:24:13 > 0:24:18"Have I really said the actual truth of this situation here?
0:24:18 > 0:24:22"Or did I just get a laugh with that?" And that's safe, to stay there.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26I always think there's somewhere deeper to go and somewhere more interesting.
0:24:26 > 0:24:31I really wanted to change myself a lot last year cos I felt I wasn't getting enough sex.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35And it's a fun thing to do, it's a shame not to have more of it.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39And the reason I wasn't achieving the getting of more sex
0:24:39 > 0:24:42was because I would see someone at a party that I really liked,
0:24:42 > 0:24:47and I'd think, "Gosh, he seems just about perfect. Who knows what could happen?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50"I could end up spending the rest of my life with him."
0:24:50 > 0:24:52And what I would do every time to woo him,
0:24:52 > 0:24:55to pursue him, to make him see that I was the one for him,
0:24:55 > 0:24:59is I would go home and hope that I saw him again.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Because for me to go up to someone and say,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06"Hello, what's your name?"... Perfectly lovely question.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09"Hello, what's your name?" Nothing wrong with that question.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13It's a delightful curious question, but, to me, it would definitely come out like,
0:25:13 > 0:25:16(NERDY) "Hello, what's your name?"
0:25:18 > 0:25:21When you go through your life
0:25:21 > 0:25:24and the ups and downs and the traumas,
0:25:24 > 0:25:28do you ever think when you've had a particularly bad day, or a bad experience, do you think,
0:25:28 > 0:25:31"Oh, well, there's some material there at least?"
0:25:31 > 0:25:35Almost too quickly. It's almost upsetting...
0:25:35 > 0:25:38how quick it can become material.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40I recently went through a break-up,
0:25:40 > 0:25:43and I'm already talking about it.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46And it's... I was talking about it three days after it happened.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Is that a consolation of any kind, do you think?
0:25:49 > 0:25:51It is eventually.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55But I'm kind of...
0:25:55 > 0:25:59I'm annoyed that it is sometimes, because it means I'm not feeling things fully.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01And that's part of what's wrong with me.
0:26:01 > 0:26:06So while people talk about stand-up being therapy, it can be the opposite sometimes,
0:26:06 > 0:26:10because it stops you from fully immersing yourself in the pain,
0:26:10 > 0:26:12because you can fix it quickly, it's almost magic.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16And because you're outside observing it, very rapidly...
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Yeah, I'm outside all the time. I'm outside of it.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23I'm not in there, feeling hurt, feeling angry,
0:26:23 > 0:26:27feeling upset. I'm looking at this idiot,
0:26:27 > 0:26:30who should be crying or is crying,
0:26:30 > 0:26:35and sort of making fun of him. And it's me! It's me.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37HE LAUGHS
0:26:37 > 0:26:39'One of the brightest comic talents'
0:26:39 > 0:26:41to come from America in years,
0:26:41 > 0:26:43an offbeat comedian, successful screenwriter et cetera,
0:26:43 > 0:26:49and a very powerful sex symbol, signed...signed Woody Allen.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53And here he is, Mr Woody Allen.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55APPLAUSE
0:26:55 > 0:27:00'I don't even know how I would exist as a performer at all
0:27:00 > 0:27:03'if Woody Allen hadn't invented it.'
0:27:03 > 0:27:08I don't know what the precedent is, other than him, for being an insecure, anxious person on a stage.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11I do not go to dentists.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13I don't like doctors.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Well, let me start this at the very beginning, I like doctors
0:27:16 > 0:27:21but I once had a pain in my chestal area
0:27:21 > 0:27:24and I was convinced that it was heartburn,
0:27:24 > 0:27:26because I was married at the time
0:27:26 > 0:27:31and my wife used to cook for me all the time with those Nazi recipes, you know.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Chicken Himmler for dinner every night.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37And I didn't want to spend 25 dollars to go to the doctor
0:27:37 > 0:27:39and have it reaffirmed that I had heartburn.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Cos it wasn't worth it.
0:27:42 > 0:27:47But a friend of mine at that time got a pain in the exact same spot
0:27:47 > 0:27:51and I figured if I could get him to go to the doctor
0:27:51 > 0:27:54I could figure out what's wrong with me.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58For me, a lot of stand-up is about creating a grotesque,
0:27:58 > 0:28:01if you like, of identifying what it is about you
0:28:01 > 0:28:05that will make people laugh and then exploiting that, if you like.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09Woody Allen's doing hysterically funny stand-up about..
0:28:09 > 0:28:14conniving stories out of nothing, out of surrealism,
0:28:14 > 0:28:18out of being the nerdy Jewish guy who everyone starts to recognise.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21If the audience are convinced what you're saying is true, they'll laugh.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24If they get a sense that it's not true, they won't laugh.
0:28:24 > 0:28:29So I talk him into it and he goes. Cost him 25 dollars.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31He's got heartburn.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35And I feel fabulous because I beat the doctor out of 25 dollars.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38And I call my friend two days later and he died.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45I check into the hospital immediately, I have tests run
0:28:45 > 0:28:49and X-rays. It costs me 150 dollars.
0:28:49 > 0:28:50I had heartburn.
0:28:50 > 0:28:55I'm furious now. I run to my friend's mother,
0:28:55 > 0:28:57and I say, "Did he suffer much?"
0:28:57 > 0:29:00She says, "No, it was quick. A car hit him and that was it."
0:29:02 > 0:29:06'The Jewish tradition wins, in stand-up comedy.'
0:29:06 > 0:29:11Make a list of great American stand-ups and it's Jewish, Jewish, Jewish, Jewish.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14Being Jewish tends to not really be about religion.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16One is more likely to worship Woody Allen than God.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19And so it's really a cultural voice
0:29:19 > 0:29:23that one is always either channelling or trying to find,
0:29:23 > 0:29:27and in America, through the way that those...from Groucho Marx through to Woody Allen -
0:29:27 > 0:29:29they have defined comedy.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31APPLAUSE
0:29:37 > 0:29:40This is a different type of show than you ever saw before.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43That's why everyone in the world is getting excited.
0:29:43 > 0:29:46This is a one-man show, which disturbs a lot of people.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49A lot of people say, "Who is one Jew to make such a comfortable living?"
0:29:51 > 0:29:56All great things throughout history were accomplished by one person working alone.
0:29:56 > 0:30:01Michelangelo. The greatest painter, in my opinion, who ever lived was Michelangelo.
0:30:01 > 0:30:02Why?
0:30:04 > 0:30:08Because he painted the whole Sistine Chapel all by himself.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10It took him 30 years, because the man was a schmuck.
0:30:18 > 0:30:20KLEZMER MUSIC
0:30:23 > 0:30:25It was overwhelmingly hot in New York
0:30:25 > 0:30:28and all the Jews went to the Catskills.
0:30:28 > 0:30:32That was like the French Riviera to the Jews on the Lower East Side.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34As soon as it became warm,
0:30:34 > 0:30:37the heat was unbearable in the summer.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40There was very few people had air conditioning.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43Everybody was sweating. It was unbearable.
0:30:43 > 0:30:47So everybody knew the Catskill Mountains were the only place to go.
0:30:47 > 0:30:50That was it. That's where all the Jews were.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52By the time I was 18, I said to myself,
0:30:52 > 0:30:55"I could probably become a social director in the mountains."
0:30:55 > 0:30:58I wasn't thinking of being a professional entertainer,
0:30:58 > 0:31:00but there was such a thing in the mountains -
0:31:00 > 0:31:04almost every hotel, regardless of how small they were, even if they had 12 people,
0:31:04 > 0:31:08they hired a social director to entertain the people day and night in the hotel.
0:31:08 > 0:31:13I worked at a place called the Butler Lodge.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16Any and every comic that I can think of that came out of New York
0:31:16 > 0:31:19probably did some gigs in the Borscht Belt.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23I remember I got up and I did my opening.
0:31:23 > 0:31:25What was your opening?
0:31:25 > 0:31:28Good evening, ladies and Jews. Er...
0:31:28 > 0:31:31I met a beautiful girl last night,
0:31:31 > 0:31:35but she was skinny. I mean, this was a very thin girl.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37I took her to a restaurant - she was so thin
0:31:37 > 0:31:41that the maitre d' said, "Check your umbrella, sir?"
0:31:41 > 0:31:43And I... You know, that was my opening.
0:31:43 > 0:31:46- And the minute I did it, I heard... - MIMICS MUTTERING
0:31:46 > 0:31:50So I just cupped my ear and listened very closely.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53"Oh, English, English. Oy, English."
0:31:53 > 0:31:56They were so unhappy and I had no idea.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59I had one or two Yiddish jokes - I forget what they were -
0:31:59 > 0:32:01and I did them and they cheered
0:32:01 > 0:32:05as if we had won World War Two or something, you know?
0:32:05 > 0:32:08Just... They understood it.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10When you started to perform or tell jokes,
0:32:10 > 0:32:14did Jewish humour come out of that, or the humour that they shared?
0:32:14 > 0:32:19There's certain things that might be peculiarly Jewish about certain kinds of humour.
0:32:19 > 0:32:24The self-effacing humour, the comedy about being persecuted,
0:32:24 > 0:32:28rejected, an outcast, plays on words or thoughts, ideas,
0:32:28 > 0:32:33and very seldom doing the physical crazy comedy that the Gentiles do.
0:32:33 > 0:32:36When a Gentile walks into a restaurant, they're very nervous,
0:32:36 > 0:32:38they walk in like, "How do you do? May I sit down?
0:32:38 > 0:32:41"How long should I wait? Nine years, why not?
0:32:42 > 0:32:45"Nine years is OK." You ever see how a Jew walks into a restaurant?
0:32:45 > 0:32:48Like a partner. "Hello!
0:32:55 > 0:32:57"Let me see my table!"
0:32:59 > 0:33:02All small groups - you know, the Irish, the Jews -
0:33:02 > 0:33:05all small groups evolve a particular kind of comedy
0:33:05 > 0:33:07out of their persecution.
0:33:07 > 0:33:09The Jews have done it particularly well,
0:33:09 > 0:33:14perhaps because they've been more universally persecuted than anybody else.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16And partly what you do is you get mastery over your...
0:33:16 > 0:33:20You get mastery over your fate by making fun of yourself.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22And when you make fun of yours....
0:33:22 > 0:33:25I've often described it as a form of masochism.
0:33:25 > 0:33:30When a masochist knows that there's trouble coming, he organises it.
0:33:30 > 0:33:31No matter which table you show 'em -
0:33:31 > 0:33:35"You call this a table for a man like me?
0:33:35 > 0:33:38"I don't sit so close to a wall, so far from a window.
0:33:38 > 0:33:43"My wife don't like to face this way, I don't like to face that way, we don't like to face this way."
0:33:43 > 0:33:47You anticipate what's coming, you make a joke out of what's coming, you've won.
0:33:47 > 0:33:50You're in charge and you've won, as it were, intellectually.
0:33:50 > 0:33:53I mean, Jews love that, particularly.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57It takes them three hours to pick out a table, then they start a whole new fight.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59"Why is it so draughty here?"
0:34:02 > 0:34:05'Because there were so many Jews, I guess, in entertainment,
0:34:05 > 0:34:08'I grew up with British Jewish jokes.'
0:34:08 > 0:34:11The Two Ronnies, the end of the world has happened,
0:34:11 > 0:34:13and the religions...
0:34:13 > 0:34:16There's only the Jews and the Mormons left
0:34:16 > 0:34:19and they're going to join together as a religion
0:34:19 > 0:34:22and their headquarters is going to be in Salt Beef City.
0:34:22 > 0:34:25You know, that's a proper hardcore Jewish joke.
0:34:25 > 0:34:30A joke when it's well told is not confined. It's not confined to the group.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33That's mainly what you want it to do. Can you make it leap out,
0:34:33 > 0:34:37can you make it leap over the wall of your community into everybody?
0:34:37 > 0:34:38And the great ones can.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49Good evening, my people!
0:34:49 > 0:34:52CHEERING
0:34:53 > 0:34:56And you know, Omid is a very powerful name in Iran.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59You know, Omid means "hope".
0:34:59 > 0:35:02It's just a shame that Djalili means "less".
0:35:04 > 0:35:08Does being an immigrant give you an advantage, do you think?
0:35:08 > 0:35:13I don't know if it gives me an advantage. If a lot of great comedy comes from pain,
0:35:13 > 0:35:16I think certainly I've had my fair share of pain as a child
0:35:16 > 0:35:21and as an adolescent and the confusion I've had. I'd gone from being quite proud to be Iranian
0:35:21 > 0:35:25to suddenly all the images coming out of Iran of people like slapping their heads
0:35:25 > 0:35:29and there was a very strong violent feeling from Iran,
0:35:29 > 0:35:32Islamic fundamentalism, and it was a negative image,
0:35:32 > 0:35:34so starting off doing comedy
0:35:34 > 0:35:38and talking about my Iranian culture seemed quite healing.
0:35:38 > 0:35:42Ayatollah Khomeini - he wrote a book about what you can do
0:35:42 > 0:35:44and what you can't do in the Islamic Republic of Iran.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47Iranians, back me up on this.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50Page one, page one says the sweat of a man -
0:35:50 > 0:35:52that's the sweat of a man -
0:35:52 > 0:35:56who has had sexual intercourse with a pig is impure.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01After sunset.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03That's the big one.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07A lot of Iranians would then say, "Why are you making fun of your culture?"
0:36:07 > 0:36:10And there were so-called Iranian "intellectuals" who would say,
0:36:10 > 0:36:14"You should talk about our great 3,000-year civilisation, the Persian empire.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16"Why you making fun of our culture?"
0:36:16 > 0:36:19And so I stopped using that particular cab firm.
0:36:19 > 0:36:23Someone said, "Oi, in the Middle East, have you got an institution like the Samaritans?"
0:36:23 > 0:36:27I said, "What do you mean?" "If you're depressed, want to kill yourself, who do you call?"
0:36:27 > 0:36:31I said, "Of course we've got the Samar... We don't call it the Samaritans.
0:36:31 > 0:36:35"In the Middle East, we call it a recruiting centre."
0:36:38 > 0:36:41People call up saying, "I want to kill myself!"
0:36:41 > 0:36:42"Very good.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47"Very good.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51"There's a bus leaving in ten minutes.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53"Could I have your waist size, please?"
0:36:56 > 0:36:58That's so wrong, but so funny.
0:36:58 > 0:37:02I think just by talking about Iran in a comedic context
0:37:02 > 0:37:07was quite a powerful thing. Because I think the British psyche is,
0:37:07 > 0:37:10if you make fun of yourself you must be all right,
0:37:10 > 0:37:14so if there's an Iranian representing Iranians and they can be ironic, they must be OK.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28'They all seem to operate en bloc.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30'They're either a good crowd or a bad crowd.'
0:37:30 > 0:37:33Even, "Oh, they were a bit slow. They were a bit sl...."
0:37:33 > 0:37:36These people have got varying educational abil...
0:37:36 > 0:37:38How can they all be a bit slow on the jokes?
0:37:38 > 0:37:42Often when you play in old theatres there's that hole in the curtain
0:37:42 > 0:37:46that actors have put in there to have a look at what the crowd's like.
0:37:46 > 0:37:50And if you look out and there's six fat blokes in football shirts,
0:37:50 > 0:37:54you're thinking, "Oh, well, maybe I won't do my Bernard Levin material."
0:37:54 > 0:37:56Is this taking you back, madam?
0:37:56 > 0:37:58'Do you ever get nervous?'
0:37:58 > 0:38:02Terrified. Still do. I mean, really terrified.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04I have to not drink the night before.
0:38:04 > 0:38:08You know, don't get drunk, for heaven's sake, don't have a hangover.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10"Why are you hitting your dog?"
0:38:10 > 0:38:14"You won't believe it, Officer, he fucking ate my tax disc."
0:38:14 > 0:38:17'Unless I've been doing the show ten or 12 times'
0:38:17 > 0:38:20I'll be really, really nervous, you know.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23Dry mouth, dry sicks, shaking.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26HE LAUGHS
0:38:26 > 0:38:27So, anyway,
0:38:27 > 0:38:29what am I fucking talking about?
0:38:29 > 0:38:32'I get very anxious. I've even sought help about it.'
0:38:32 > 0:38:35You know, I went to see some shrinks about it
0:38:35 > 0:38:40and got pills and things for it. And it was getting out of control,
0:38:40 > 0:38:44because the biggest symptom is you just forget everything.
0:38:44 > 0:38:48Before I left New York to come here, I was.... MAN SHOUTS
0:38:48 > 0:38:51CONNOLLY LAUGHS
0:38:53 > 0:38:58Fucking boom! He walked right into it.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01I know there was a time at the beginning, I was so...
0:39:01 > 0:39:04so shit scared of hecklers.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06MAN SHOUTS
0:39:06 > 0:39:08What's that?
0:39:08 > 0:39:10SHOUTS AGAIN
0:39:10 > 0:39:12LAUGHTER
0:39:12 > 0:39:17You've got a cock in your mouth, sir, I suggest you take it out.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20Then we can hear what you're saying.
0:39:20 > 0:39:25But now I think it's important to... not be open to it in the sense that you encourage it,
0:39:25 > 0:39:28but if people shout things they want to communicate,
0:39:28 > 0:39:32it's because they want to say something to you and it's very good to just listen.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34I think as a comedian it's not about just getting...
0:39:34 > 0:39:38You've got two channels in your head. One is to do your material
0:39:38 > 0:39:42and then the other one is to live in the moment, so if someone wants to say something, let them say it.
0:39:42 > 0:39:46What's the difference between heckling and a dialogue with your audience?
0:39:46 > 0:39:51- A dialogue? I don't want a dialogue. - You don't...?- I talk, they laugh.
0:39:51 > 0:39:52That's it.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54How do you deal with the hecklers?
0:39:54 > 0:39:57One of my chaps goes over and has a word in his ear.
0:39:57 > 0:40:02- Sounds scary to me! - Well, it is scary, yeah, but you've gotta stop it.
0:40:02 > 0:40:07It's no good shouting with 'em. If that guy's heckling me, no-one else can hear what he's saying.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10I'll be wasting my time trying to think of a smart-arse answer to him.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12All that people will see is the top of my head.
0:40:12 > 0:40:16I tell all the young comics who speak to me, "Don't do hecklers."
0:40:16 > 0:40:19I loathe hecklers. I haven't one good syllable to say about hecklers.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22When you've come out of the club circuit and all that
0:40:22 > 0:40:25and you're in the concert hall and you're good at what you do,
0:40:25 > 0:40:28you're a storyteller, they should be gone.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31There's an element of manners should take over.
0:40:31 > 0:40:33Right, the ticket's dear,
0:40:33 > 0:40:37it's a different venue,
0:40:37 > 0:40:40people have had a bath to come here.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42Sit down, shut up and listen.
0:40:53 > 0:40:55Hello! How are we doing?
0:40:55 > 0:40:57- CROWD: Yeah! - That's a good start
0:40:57 > 0:40:59if you can answer the basic questions.
0:40:59 > 0:41:01This is a wee try-out show for Stand Up For The Week,
0:41:01 > 0:41:06so if the jokes are funny on a boat, they're funny on the telly.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10I always like to have a look at the audience
0:41:10 > 0:41:15to see whether there's people that might fit certain routines.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18If it's a small room and there's only five people there
0:41:18 > 0:41:20and their faces are right in front of you,
0:41:20 > 0:41:22that's when it's the most terrifying,
0:41:22 > 0:41:24because as soon as something doesn't work,
0:41:24 > 0:41:26you know about it instantly
0:41:26 > 0:41:30cos you've got five people staring at you in silence and that is...
0:41:30 > 0:41:31I find that terrifying.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33Give it up for Jack Whitehall!
0:41:37 > 0:41:39Good evening, everyone! Are we well?
0:41:39 > 0:41:42Yeah, thanks very much for coming out to see the show.
0:41:42 > 0:41:45As Kevin said earlier, there's football on,
0:41:45 > 0:41:48which is good, as a comic, cos I instantly get a gauge
0:41:48 > 0:41:50of exactly who we've got in the audience.
0:41:50 > 0:41:52All the men who did art and drama at school
0:41:52 > 0:41:56and then women that are thoroughly in control of their relationships.
0:41:56 > 0:41:59"I might stay in, watch the Champions League with the lads."
0:41:59 > 0:42:02"No, you won't! You'll be coming with me to the boat
0:42:02 > 0:42:05"cos I've got your dick in my fucking handbag."
0:42:05 > 0:42:09You've just arrived, you know, out of your teens into this scenario.
0:42:09 > 0:42:10You've been sort of really...
0:42:10 > 0:42:17- You gave up university.- Yeah. - History of art. You gave it about three minutes and then moved on.
0:42:17 > 0:42:20I'd already started doing stand-up on stage and I'd got the bug.
0:42:20 > 0:42:25Every lecture that I sat in, everything that I thought was like, "Why would I want to do this?
0:42:25 > 0:42:29"I've been on the stage, I've done stand-up. That is the most amazing thing, this is boring.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31What I like about Britain's Got Talent
0:42:31 > 0:42:35is you see these little rural versions of it.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38The best one I've ever seen - Yeovil's Got Talent.
0:42:38 > 0:42:39Massive poster on a town hall.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42Last year's winner were a set of twins.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44I asked a woman in a pub what was their talent.
0:42:44 > 0:42:48"Spitting image of each other but they were a different person."
0:42:48 > 0:42:50That's not strictly a talent, is it?
0:42:50 > 0:42:54I'm completely out of my comfort zone when trying out new material.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57I'll be overtly aggressive in my delivery
0:42:57 > 0:43:00and sort of oversell them and often swear a lot as well
0:43:00 > 0:43:04without meaning to, and you sort of use all these things to veil
0:43:04 > 0:43:07the fact that you're not confident in the joke yet.
0:43:07 > 0:43:09Some of the shows I like are getting ruined.
0:43:09 > 0:43:14Midsomer Murders - I fucking love Midsomer Murders. I can't watch it now, cos if I do I'm a racist.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17They say they need to get more black people in the village in Midsomer.
0:43:17 > 0:43:21Well, that's a tough gig, isn't it? Being the first black person there.
0:43:21 > 0:43:24Every time there's a murder, getting hauled in for questioning.
0:43:24 > 0:43:26"Do you know why you're here?" "Because I'm black?"
0:43:26 > 0:43:30"Yes. Do you have an alibi? Where were you when the murder happened?"
0:43:30 > 0:43:36"I was being held in a cell for last episode's murder, which happened when I was on holiday."
0:43:38 > 0:43:41If they don't laugh at something, you cut it and never do it again,
0:43:41 > 0:43:43so, you know, it's completely in their hands.
0:43:43 > 0:43:45They edit it for you, really.
0:43:47 > 0:43:51There's a lot of crosses or a maybe.
0:43:51 > 0:43:55When you first start, the most frustrating thing as an act
0:43:55 > 0:43:57is when people say to you,
0:43:57 > 0:44:01"Oh, good. You had some very nice jokes but you haven't found your voice yet."
0:44:01 > 0:44:04And it's so frustrating because you know that they're right
0:44:04 > 0:44:08and you know that to find your voice is, you know,
0:44:08 > 0:44:12the most important thing as a comic, but also one of the hardest things.
0:44:26 > 0:44:32The task was to write something where you imagine the world as if it were different.
0:44:32 > 0:44:36You could redesign the world in any way you chose and it can be anything.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38It can be silly, political.
0:44:38 > 0:44:39Excellent.
0:44:39 > 0:44:41Let's hear it for Dave.
0:44:42 > 0:44:44I was watching the other day...
0:44:44 > 0:44:49Recently, the local elections have happened and the Eurovision Song Contest has happened.
0:44:49 > 0:44:53And I felt it'd be much better if they did the election coverage
0:44:53 > 0:44:56much more like the Eurovision Song Contest.
0:44:56 > 0:44:59"Hello, Sunderland South, can you hear me?"
0:45:02 > 0:45:05"Hello, Huw! Yes, you're doing a brilliant job.
0:45:05 > 0:45:07"It's been a great show this evening."
0:45:07 > 0:45:09Methods will vary from comedian to comedian
0:45:09 > 0:45:11and actually the best method
0:45:11 > 0:45:15is the one that...that grows organically out of your own personality, in a way.
0:45:15 > 0:45:19Liberal Democrats, eight points. Liberal Democrats, eight points.
0:45:19 > 0:45:22Les Democrats Liberales, huit points.
0:45:22 > 0:45:26I put the students on stage in front of an audience a lot.
0:45:26 > 0:45:29They perform for the first time ten days into the module.
0:45:29 > 0:45:33They start and ten days later they're in front of an audience of 200 people.
0:45:33 > 0:45:35I like the pause gag in the, you know...
0:45:35 > 0:45:40Cos they always do that and, you know, if you were building a longer piece
0:45:40 > 0:45:44you could certainly play on that and, in fact,
0:45:44 > 0:45:46it's the sort of thing where you could pause for a bit,
0:45:46 > 0:45:49then go, "They always pause like that, don't they?"
0:45:49 > 0:45:52There's three basic strands of comic theory, OK.
0:45:52 > 0:45:57There's theory that emphasises aggression and superiority.
0:45:57 > 0:45:59You know, you laugh AT somebody.
0:45:59 > 0:46:03I was filling in a form for a friend the other day and I said, "What's your postcode?"
0:46:03 > 0:46:07She said, "Charlie Tango Two, Seven November Hotel."
0:46:07 > 0:46:08I said, "What?!"
0:46:08 > 0:46:11She went, "Can you just repeat it back to me
0:46:11 > 0:46:13"so I know you've got it down right?"
0:46:13 > 0:46:17"Cock Twat Two, Seven Knob Head." Get out.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20There's a comedy which is about incongruity -
0:46:20 > 0:46:22that's another theoretical strand.
0:46:22 > 0:46:25It's about absurdity, the unexpected.
0:46:25 > 0:46:29I think the human body is a missed opportunity, I think.
0:46:29 > 0:46:32For example, two holes that do pretty much the same thing.
0:46:32 > 0:46:34I think one of them
0:46:34 > 0:46:37smells traditional things like breakfast in the morning,
0:46:37 > 0:46:39coffee, kippers, farts...
0:46:39 > 0:46:43That kinda thing, like noses usually smell.
0:46:43 > 0:46:46The other side could smell emotions.
0:46:46 > 0:46:49And then the third one is release of tension.
0:46:52 > 0:46:54The classic theorist would be Freud
0:46:54 > 0:46:56and Freud argued that there are two kinds of jokes.
0:46:56 > 0:46:59Innocent jokes which are just playful and fun
0:46:59 > 0:47:04and then tendentious jokes which have a deeper kind of psychological purpose.
0:47:04 > 0:47:08You don't have to buy that hook, line and sinker
0:47:08 > 0:47:11to realise that a difficult or edgy subject
0:47:11 > 0:47:15is going to create a certain tension in the audience.
0:47:15 > 0:47:20And having created that tension, if your punchline is funny,
0:47:20 > 0:47:22the laugh is bigger.
0:47:22 > 0:47:26I went to Blackpool. I was looking for rooms and an old lady came to the door,
0:47:26 > 0:47:30a nice lady, a little bit some more, not quite so much and then perhaps.
0:47:30 > 0:47:33And that's all I want - just a little encouragement.
0:47:33 > 0:47:37If you go back 60 or 70 years and listen to recordings
0:47:37 > 0:47:42of Max Miller, he has to find how explicit his innuendo can go
0:47:42 > 0:47:44before it's too explicit,
0:47:44 > 0:47:50and his skill was being able to walk that tightrope.
0:47:52 > 0:47:55Shall I start it off? Shall I start it off?
0:47:55 > 0:47:59- I'll start it off and you'll creep in, won't you?- I'll creep in.
0:47:59 > 0:48:03# I started courting a smashing fan dancer
0:48:03 > 0:48:06# To marry her, that was my plan
0:48:07 > 0:48:11# Now it's all off with the smashing fan dancer
0:48:11 > 0:48:13# She fell down and damaged her fan... #
0:48:13 > 0:48:14Here!
0:48:14 > 0:48:16LAUGHTER
0:48:21 > 0:48:25When he talked about the fan dancer who fell down and damaged her fan,
0:48:25 > 0:48:29there's 19 seconds of outraged laughter!
0:48:30 > 0:48:35You can tell there was some serious tension being released there.
0:48:35 > 0:48:39And normally the response to that is, "I think I've found your level."
0:48:41 > 0:48:42Thanks very much!
0:48:47 > 0:48:50Can I make you my sort of moral guide for tonight?
0:48:50 > 0:48:51You don't have to do anything.
0:48:51 > 0:48:54If there's a joke I'm worried about, I can... Is that OK?
0:48:54 > 0:48:56Thanks. That'll be good.
0:48:56 > 0:48:59Let me start with this one.
0:49:00 > 0:49:03I've often wondered, Jean, right,
0:49:03 > 0:49:06if when a new paedophile comes to town, right...
0:49:07 > 0:49:10Bear with me, right.
0:49:10 > 0:49:15Does he seek out one of the older, more experienced local paedophiles, you know?
0:49:15 > 0:49:19And say, "Where's the best places round here to pick up kids?"
0:49:19 > 0:49:23And does the old paedophile say, "Well...
0:49:24 > 0:49:26"..swings and roundabouts, really."
0:49:31 > 0:49:35Have I gone under the wire with that one, do you think?
0:49:35 > 0:49:37Jean's not sure.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40I think I've got away with it, just slightly.
0:49:40 > 0:49:43'I did a gig on the night of Princess Diana's funeral.'
0:49:43 > 0:49:46The manager said, "Do you want to start with a minute's silence?"
0:49:46 > 0:49:51I said, "No, I'll integrate my own silences through the act like I always do."
0:49:51 > 0:49:53But I went on and, you know, I said stuff like,
0:49:53 > 0:49:56"Elton John... I watched the funeral today.
0:49:56 > 0:50:00"Elton John, you know, he should have done I'm Still Standing.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03"I just sold the flower shop. I'm really upset about that.
0:50:03 > 0:50:05"I put all my money in landmines."
0:50:05 > 0:50:08It was all that kind of... You know? And they seemed...
0:50:08 > 0:50:12There seemed to be a great sense of release in the audience.
0:50:12 > 0:50:16"Maybe it's OK to laugh about... He's not joking about her death."
0:50:16 > 0:50:20The most common question after a show is, "What's the most offensive joke?"
0:50:20 > 0:50:23Now, I don't think I can tell you the most offensive joke.
0:50:23 > 0:50:28I think offence is taken, not given. That is how it tends to work. Different people take offence
0:50:28 > 0:50:32at different things. So I can't tell you what the most offensive joke is.
0:50:32 > 0:50:33But we could see.
0:50:34 > 0:50:37I would never do jokes about Jesus Christ
0:50:37 > 0:50:40but I think doing jokes about Christians is fine.
0:50:40 > 0:50:43You can do jokes about Jews
0:50:43 > 0:50:45but to have a go at maybe the Torah
0:50:45 > 0:50:48or things that Jews really feel they hold sacred,
0:50:48 > 0:50:50I think you're just causing offence.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53I've got a friend that recently had an abortion.
0:50:53 > 0:50:55But on the positive side...
0:50:55 > 0:50:57slimmer of the month!
0:50:57 > 0:50:59LAUGHTER
0:51:00 > 0:51:03Well, that got a few of you.
0:51:03 > 0:51:05You can do a very, very funny, humane...
0:51:05 > 0:51:09or taboo-breaking, in an interesting way, joke about cancer,
0:51:09 > 0:51:13or you can do a really kind of brutal, unfunny, mean one.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15It's not the subject - it's the joke.
0:51:15 > 0:51:18If men fall asleep directly after sex,
0:51:18 > 0:51:21why is it so difficult to catch a rapist?
0:51:21 > 0:51:22LAUGHTER
0:51:22 > 0:51:25There are very few subjects that you could say,
0:51:25 > 0:51:28"That is absolutely not a subject for comedy.
0:51:28 > 0:51:30"You absolutely cannot talk about that."
0:51:30 > 0:51:33Because if it's treated intelligently
0:51:33 > 0:51:36and met with intelligence in its audience, it can ve...
0:51:36 > 0:51:40You know, you can find ways of discussing almost anything.
0:51:40 > 0:51:46No-one offended. Right, let's bring out the big guns. Hitler and Pol Pot.
0:51:46 > 0:51:49Let's try and see the good in the bad. Both Hitler and Pol Pot
0:51:49 > 0:51:52managed to conduct an awful lot of medical research
0:51:52 > 0:51:54without hurting any animals.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56LAUGHTER AND GROANING
0:51:58 > 0:52:01I put it to you, if you're not even a little bit offended,
0:52:01 > 0:52:03you haven't really understood that.
0:52:05 > 0:52:08When people complain about comedians being rude or offensive,
0:52:08 > 0:52:12to me they missed the point entirely. That's the function.
0:52:12 > 0:52:16The function of a comedian is to reinvigorate us with rudery.
0:52:16 > 0:52:21I am the only person who could be called an intellectual who would go to Chubby Brown
0:52:21 > 0:52:23and find him funny. Of this I am not ashamed.
0:52:23 > 0:52:28COMPERE: The outrageous Roy "Chubby" Brown!
0:52:28 > 0:52:29WHISTLING AND APPLAUSE
0:52:29 > 0:52:34Hello! Are you all right in the shitty seats?
0:52:34 > 0:52:35Wankers!
0:52:37 > 0:52:38Is that the wife?
0:52:39 > 0:52:41Girlfriend?
0:52:41 > 0:52:43Have you fucked her?
0:52:44 > 0:52:45No?
0:52:45 > 0:52:46We have.
0:52:47 > 0:52:50There's some lovely women in this room tonight
0:52:50 > 0:52:53but I'm not a ladies' man - I only have a four-inch cock.
0:52:53 > 0:52:57And some girls don't like it that thick, do they?
0:52:57 > 0:53:02The foulest, filthiest stuff you'd ever heard, and people adored it.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04It was... It was disgusting about women,
0:53:04 > 0:53:07and who were the people who loved it most? Women.
0:53:07 > 0:53:10But it finished when she came out of the pier, it was over.
0:53:10 > 0:53:13We licensed it to happen there, and then stop.
0:53:13 > 0:53:15You should always marry an ugly woman, oh, yeah.
0:53:15 > 0:53:18Cos if you marry a bonny girl and she leaves you,
0:53:18 > 0:53:19you're heartbroken, right?
0:53:19 > 0:53:24You marry an ugly girl and she leaves you, who gives a fuck?
0:53:24 > 0:53:27Comedy is there to say, "This is the world, this is who we are.
0:53:27 > 0:53:31"We are beasts. Rejoice in the fact that we are beasts."
0:53:31 > 0:53:34What function...? What, in the end, what function do we have?
0:53:34 > 0:53:37We copulate, we propagate - that's it.
0:53:37 > 0:53:39COMPERE: Bernard Manning!
0:53:39 > 0:53:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:53:42 > 0:53:46I used to go and watch Bernard Manning in Manchester, in his club.
0:53:46 > 0:53:48You were a fool to have gone in there
0:53:48 > 0:53:49if you knew you would be offended.
0:53:49 > 0:53:51You went there in order to be offended.
0:53:51 > 0:53:54A fella said, "I feel under the weather, Doctor."
0:53:54 > 0:53:57He said, "I'll give you an examination." He said, "You've got VD."
0:53:57 > 0:54:02He said, "Must have come off a lavatory seat." He said, "You must have chewed it - it's in your gums."
0:54:02 > 0:54:05Bernard Manning was a pure joke teller,
0:54:05 > 0:54:09and he told jokes as well as anybody has ever told jokes,
0:54:09 > 0:54:12but he would get massive cheers from his audience
0:54:12 > 0:54:15every time he said anything hateful or racist,
0:54:15 > 0:54:18and it's uncomfortable, because you kind of go, "Why?
0:54:18 > 0:54:20"Why would you need to do that?"
0:54:20 > 0:54:24Bloke says to his mate, "I'm going bleedin' mad here with pains.
0:54:24 > 0:54:28"I've got them piles," he said. "Oh," he said, "it's fucking awful."
0:54:28 > 0:54:31- Went to the hospital Monday morning, there. - KNOCKING
0:54:31 > 0:54:33- ASIAN ACCENT:- "Come in. Come in, please."
0:54:33 > 0:54:34LAUGHTER
0:54:34 > 0:54:36"What can I do for you, please, sir?"
0:54:36 > 0:54:40He said, "You can shift these piles if you can. I'm going through bleedin' agony."
0:54:40 > 0:54:44"Oh," he said, "piles are very, very painful. Very painful indeed.
0:54:44 > 0:54:47"Will you come right in, sir? Come in, please.
0:54:47 > 0:54:50"Take your trousers off. Bend right over, please.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53"Oh, dear," he said, "would you pull your bollocks up?
0:54:53 > 0:54:56"There's no light getting through here."
0:54:57 > 0:54:59"Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear.
0:54:59 > 0:55:01"Well," he says,
0:55:01 > 0:55:03"I can't do nothing for your piles,
0:55:03 > 0:55:07- "but you're going on a long journey." - LAUGHTER
0:55:07 > 0:55:09You've only got to talk about political correctness,
0:55:09 > 0:55:12to my audience, and they think it's hysterical.
0:55:12 > 0:55:14Have you seen when the black people turn up
0:55:14 > 0:55:16and win all the fucking medals?
0:55:16 > 0:55:19The 100 yards, there's always nine black people
0:55:19 > 0:55:21and a fucking Russian.
0:55:21 > 0:55:23What is the point of that fucking Russian?
0:55:23 > 0:55:26There's no point, is there? "Take your marks...."
0:55:26 > 0:55:27Gone.
0:55:27 > 0:55:28The Russian -
0:55:28 > 0:55:31- RUSSIAN ACCENT: - "Check the meerkat.com..."
0:55:31 > 0:55:32LAUGHTER
0:55:32 > 0:55:34Yeah.
0:55:34 > 0:55:38- You haven't really changed, have you?- Of course I have.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41- I don't do jokes anymore and I have changed.- But...
0:55:41 > 0:55:43But you're saying that, Alan, but you haven't seen me.
0:55:43 > 0:55:47- It's true I haven't seen you, but when...- That's all my life, people say that -
0:55:47 > 0:55:51- "Oh, you're that bloke who does..." - No, but I don't say that. What I say is I'm just...
0:55:51 > 0:55:56I'm saying, are you true to who you are? Rather than trying to accommodate...
0:55:56 > 0:55:58Yeah, I am true to who I am now.
0:55:58 > 0:56:01People look at me as if I am that fossil that was from the '70s
0:56:01 > 0:56:04and should have stayed there.
0:56:04 > 0:56:08But I have a job to do and there's still millions and millions of people
0:56:08 > 0:56:11that want to see comedians of a certain age.
0:56:11 > 0:56:16So, Jim Davidson or Ben Elton? Where do you stand?
0:56:16 > 0:56:18Jim Davidson any time. Jim Davidson any time,
0:56:18 > 0:56:22and that doesn't mean I have to like Jim Davidson particularly.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24Ben Elton was like the end of comedy for a period.
0:56:24 > 0:56:27Ben Elton tried to make comedy out of what wasn't funny.
0:56:27 > 0:56:29He thought you could clean up comedy.
0:56:29 > 0:56:33There's no point in cleaning up comedy - that's not what it's for.
0:56:33 > 0:56:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:56:43 > 0:56:47Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:56:47 > 0:56:49And welcome to this, the first of our new series,
0:56:49 > 0:56:51which is now called FRIDAY Night Live.
0:56:51 > 0:56:54The title has changed but very little else has.
0:56:54 > 0:56:58Little else has changed in the world. We have the same Government, although we had an election,
0:56:58 > 0:57:01Mrs Thatcher stormed parliament for a third time. Careful -
0:57:01 > 0:57:04if she wins it again, they'll have to let her keep it.
0:57:04 > 0:57:09I was about 12 and Ben Elton came on the scene,
0:57:09 > 0:57:14and I can't even explain... I almost get teary thinking about it.
0:57:14 > 0:57:19I just felt like I had found my yellow brick road.
0:57:19 > 0:57:21You know, he was the Wizard of Oz.
0:57:21 > 0:57:23I have to be honest with you.
0:57:23 > 0:57:26I nearly didn't make it to the show tonight.
0:57:26 > 0:57:31I nearly did not get here. I almost got flummoxed at the very start of leaving my home, you see.
0:57:31 > 0:57:35I leave my house... Oh yeah, by the way, I've got a house. Yeah, I own a house.
0:57:35 > 0:57:39"Oh, my God! The hypocrisy of it," screams a certain newspaper.
0:57:39 > 0:57:42"Interested in a welfare state and he's got somewhere to sleep?
0:57:42 > 0:57:45"Hypocrite - he ought to sleep in a cardboard box.
0:57:45 > 0:57:50"If he supports the National Health Service, why doesn't he cut his head off and kill himself, then?"
0:57:50 > 0:57:55I was obsessive about Ben Elton, and he was political,
0:57:55 > 0:57:58and what he said made sense to me.
0:57:58 > 0:58:02All the stuff that people were saying about Thatcher, all the anger -
0:58:02 > 0:58:07suddenly it was in funny form, and I could relate to it and I got it.
0:58:07 > 0:58:12It was exciting and exhilarating at the beginning, because he was saying about Thatcher
0:58:12 > 0:58:14what other people were not.
0:58:14 > 0:58:17It died away when he would stand on the stage and you'd think,
0:58:17 > 0:58:19"Hang on - this is a speech to a trade union.
0:58:19 > 0:58:23"This is no longer funny." The unforgivable thing, I think,
0:58:23 > 0:58:27for a comedian, is that he steps out of comedy and enters,
0:58:27 > 0:58:30you know, the sphere of current affairs or politics.
0:58:30 > 0:58:32It's not just that it's not funny anymore -
0:58:32 > 0:58:36it's just that he's forgotten that he's involved in a...
0:58:36 > 0:58:37He has a dramatic function.
0:58:45 > 0:58:48I found myself in The Comedy Store in London,
0:58:48 > 0:58:50doing a topical comedy show called The Cutting Edge,
0:58:50 > 0:58:54and lo and behold, two rows from the front, bang in the middle,
0:58:54 > 0:58:57was none other than BBC comedy legend
0:58:57 > 0:58:58Jim Davidson.
0:58:59 > 0:59:02It's rather off-putting, to be honest with you,
0:59:02 > 0:59:05having his smiling, red, alcoholic face sat there.
0:59:05 > 0:59:07But he listened to the show and he laughed,
0:59:07 > 0:59:09and then he came to chat to me at the bar afterwards.
0:59:09 > 0:59:13And I really have nothing in common with Jim Davidson.
0:59:13 > 0:59:16I mean, I'm Asian, he's a supposed racist.
0:59:16 > 0:59:18I'm gay, he's a supposed homophobe.
0:59:18 > 0:59:21- But you liked him when you were there.- Not particularly. - He thought you did.
0:59:21 > 0:59:24Well, they were all right, but it's like watching kids
0:59:24 > 0:59:28playing at it, innit? "Hello, I'm Indian. I'm gay." You know?
0:59:28 > 0:59:31Real obvious, awful, homophobic jokes.
0:59:31 > 0:59:34I know, but then you were very, very rude about him, weren't you?
0:59:34 > 0:59:36What? I only repeated what he said.
0:59:36 > 0:59:40He called himself "the Indian poof" so that's what I referred to,
0:59:40 > 0:59:43in speech marks. I spoke to "the Indian poof".
0:59:43 > 0:59:45He called me an Indian poof.
0:59:45 > 0:59:47Indian poof?
0:59:47 > 0:59:49How politically incorrect is that?
0:59:49 > 0:59:53I'm a British-Asian poof, and it's not the same thing.
0:59:53 > 0:59:57And he also called me a jealous socialist cunt.
0:59:57 > 1:00:00When that guy walked on stage and said something about...
1:00:00 > 1:00:03This is the guy before the Indian "poof".
1:00:03 > 1:00:06Someone mentioned Jade Goody,
1:00:06 > 1:00:09and he said, "I'm glad she's dead - she's a fucking racist." OK?
1:00:09 > 1:00:12And then decided to take the piss out of a girl from Sweden,
1:00:12 > 1:00:16and did all anti-Swedish material about porn and sucking dicks
1:00:16 > 1:00:20and things like that that, you know, Swedish people in porn films do.
1:00:20 > 1:00:24Now, talk about hypocrisy of those three unfunny...stuck-up...
1:00:24 > 1:00:26Oh, they make me so angry.
1:00:26 > 1:00:29I've had moments in the past where people have come up to me
1:00:29 > 1:00:33and said, "I didn't like what you said with that."
1:00:33 > 1:00:37And I always think it's a bit weaselly to go,
1:00:37 > 1:00:39"Well, it's just a joke."
1:00:39 > 1:00:41Intent is everything.
1:00:41 > 1:00:44It's absolutely everything, and I'm sure you've had friends
1:00:44 > 1:00:48who are gay, Jewish, black,
1:00:48 > 1:00:53whatever separates them from everybody else.
1:00:53 > 1:00:59I have friends of all of those types and I'm merciless with them.
1:00:59 > 1:01:01And they are with me.
1:01:01 > 1:01:05But then someone else'll step in and say something,
1:01:05 > 1:01:08- and the room'll go cold. You go... - SUCKS IN BREATH
1:01:08 > 1:01:12"I don't like that." And sometimes it's extremely difficult
1:01:12 > 1:01:17to tell where they differed from what you said.
1:01:17 > 1:01:19But it's the intent,
1:01:19 > 1:01:24and you have a built-in ear for the ring of truth,
1:01:24 > 1:01:27and a comedian must have it,
1:01:27 > 1:01:32or he becomes just another fascist, or just another racist,
1:01:32 > 1:01:36just another sexist. You have to tread very lightly, you know?
1:01:36 > 1:01:38Well, I tend to crash through it
1:01:38 > 1:01:41like a man crashing through the long grass,
1:01:41 > 1:01:44because that's where all the fun lies.
1:01:44 > 1:01:46Marker.
1:01:59 > 1:02:01In our childhood we have all these dysfunctions
1:02:01 > 1:02:06and they kind of...meld together and they form a formula -
1:02:06 > 1:02:12an individual formula drives us to be whatever it is...we're driven to be.
1:02:12 > 1:02:16For comedians it's definitely, like, any kind of humiliation.
1:02:16 > 1:02:18You know? I know for me...
1:02:18 > 1:02:21I was raped by a doctor,
1:02:21 > 1:02:22which is, erm...
1:02:24 > 1:02:28..you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
1:02:28 > 1:02:31LAUGHTER AND SOME APPLAUSE
1:02:31 > 1:02:34I think audiences should be offended or pushed and pulled.
1:02:34 > 1:02:38I think that's a job of a comic - to make them rethink things.
1:02:38 > 1:02:43I mean, if you're not offended by the end of a comedy show, you didn't get your money's worth.
1:02:43 > 1:02:47I always think, like, I should get on and if I want to have kids I just...
1:02:47 > 1:02:51You know, once you hit 30, you know, you've got to decide fast,
1:02:51 > 1:02:55cos it can be difficult to conceive, it can be dangerous.
1:02:55 > 1:03:00I mean, the best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager. But...
1:03:02 > 1:03:05There's a lot of racism and sexism and homophobia
1:03:05 > 1:03:07that's wrapped up in irony,
1:03:07 > 1:03:10and it's sort of like, really, if you take the irony away,
1:03:10 > 1:03:13those jokes could be done by racists, sexists and homophobes,
1:03:13 > 1:03:17- and the irony... Irony's a very thin material. - HE LAUGHS
1:03:17 > 1:03:20And it rips and tears very easily, so I feel like
1:03:20 > 1:03:24the comics who are trading in irony have to have responsibility.
1:03:24 > 1:03:26Some responsibility around the fact that I don't know
1:03:26 > 1:03:29that everybody's receiving this ironically.
1:03:31 > 1:03:35Are there any black people here tonight? Smile - I can't see you. Anybody?
1:03:36 > 1:03:40Are there any radical Muslim fundamentalists in tonight?
1:03:40 > 1:03:44If there are, raise both hooks and then back to your cell.
1:03:44 > 1:03:47I like that they're not sure what's going to happen next.
1:03:47 > 1:03:49I never want an audience to be able to predict
1:03:49 > 1:03:52what they're going to feel watching me.
1:03:52 > 1:03:56I want them on the edge of their seat, no matter the subject matter. That way they listen.
1:03:56 > 1:04:00I'm part Jew and I love the Jews. I love that in this country you can say "Jew."
1:04:00 > 1:04:01What a relief. Nobody minds, right?
1:04:01 > 1:04:06In America, "That's racist - you're going to burn." You won't burn for saying "Jew."
1:04:06 > 1:04:09You only burn in hell if you ARE a Jew, right?
1:04:09 > 1:04:11Read the fucking Koran.
1:04:11 > 1:04:14Comedy is meant to be confrontational. That's the whole point.
1:04:14 > 1:04:17Why do paedophiles always have beards and glasses?
1:04:17 > 1:04:19What is it about that look
1:04:19 > 1:04:22that children find so sexy?
1:04:22 > 1:04:24LAUGHTER
1:04:31 > 1:04:34I liked that tour that Prince Charles took Camilla on in India,
1:04:34 > 1:04:37last year. Proper rural India as well.
1:04:37 > 1:04:39You know that half the people that turned up were going,
1:04:39 > 1:04:42"Diana's really let herself go."
1:04:44 > 1:04:47Does anyone else think that Camilla is almost exactly
1:04:47 > 1:04:52what Diana would have looked like if she'd survived the crash?
1:04:52 > 1:04:56LAUGHTER
1:04:56 > 1:04:58APPLAUSE
1:04:58 > 1:05:01I can find things very funny and offensive in equal measure.
1:05:01 > 1:05:04I don't think there's anything wrong with being, "Ha-ha-ha!
1:05:04 > 1:05:06"Don't say that ever again."
1:05:06 > 1:05:08I think... I feel like, as a comic,
1:05:08 > 1:05:11trading in jokes, there's a lot of times where I find comics
1:05:11 > 1:05:15who I think their jokes are really well written and crafted, but I don't think they're...
1:05:15 > 1:05:19I think their jokes are doing bad things, or not helping people, you know?
1:05:19 > 1:05:22But every comic is not in this for the same reason.
1:05:22 > 1:05:24See, if there's a riot in Delhi,
1:05:24 > 1:05:26how do you know?
1:05:27 > 1:05:31Millions of people in the streets, stuff burning, screaming...
1:05:31 > 1:05:34Could be a riot, could be a wedding.
1:05:34 > 1:05:37The result is the same -
1:05:37 > 1:05:38800 dead.
1:05:39 > 1:05:42I don't think that you realise that the joke you're making,
1:05:42 > 1:05:45even though it's covered in irony, can be received by people
1:05:45 > 1:05:47in ways that they don't perceive the irony -
1:05:47 > 1:05:49they just support the point.
1:05:49 > 1:05:53Like, I don't want to be labelled as straight, or labelled as gay.
1:05:53 > 1:05:58I just want people to look at me and see ME,
1:05:58 > 1:05:59you know, as white. And...
1:06:01 > 1:06:06I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
1:06:11 > 1:06:14American is the mother tongue of stand-up comedy.
1:06:14 > 1:06:16When they killed Bin Laden,
1:06:16 > 1:06:19he had three wives, 23 children.
1:06:19 > 1:06:22Do you know who called the SEALs?
1:06:22 > 1:06:24He did.
1:06:24 > 1:06:27I know comedians, they've got a 13-word joke
1:06:27 > 1:06:30and they will struggle to cut it down to eight words.
1:06:30 > 1:06:32I'm here!
1:06:32 > 1:06:34I feel I should come out and go,
1:06:34 > 1:06:39"There's an Englishman, there's an Irishman and there was a Scottish man..."
1:06:46 > 1:06:48Digital viewers can press the red button now
1:06:48 > 1:06:52for more from the Big Yin, the legendary Billy Connolly.
1:07:01 > 1:07:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
1:07:04 > 1:07:07E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk