0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Hello?- Dave?- Yes.- It's Alan.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07- Hi, how are you, Alan?- I'm fine.
0:00:07 > 0:00:11- So, is Mel in? - Yes, he is, he's getting ready.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13What does that mean, he's getting ready?
0:00:13 > 0:00:16I think he was expecting you shortly.
0:00:16 > 0:00:21OK. What...? Is he expecting me at 2.00 or 2.30?
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Um...
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Probably two, but, um, maybe you're coming closer to two thirty?
0:00:29 > 0:00:36This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Shelby? - Yes?
0:01:02 > 0:01:03Where is he?
0:01:04 > 0:01:06I don't know.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Hello? Hello?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Hello!
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Peter! Where the hell is the thing on the screen?
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Right.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Thank you, Peter!
0:01:33 > 0:01:36That's 20th Century Fox, in case you can't read,
0:01:36 > 0:01:38that's what it says.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42That's the best part of the picture, right there. I'm crazy about that guy.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I love him! I can't get enough of him.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Phil, raise the gate, for Christ's sake! Will you raise it up?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Thank you, Phil. Agh!
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Julio, get me a half a dozen bagels!
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Julio! Pull up near the toilet, I have to pee.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Julio!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I'm going to take your licence away!
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Julio, hang on to that.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26- Mr Brooks?- What?- Do think we might get a chance to talk?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- Who are you? - The BBC.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33Oh, yes, that's right. The Bengal Broadcasting Company, right?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- You're the Indian that was supposed to interview me?- From London.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Oh, from London.- Yes. - Ah, what's your name?
0:02:39 > 0:02:41- Alan. - Alan what?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- Yentob.- Are you a Jewish Indian? Ah, the best. All right, listen,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- did you see Blazing Saddles? - Oh, yes, I liked it a lot.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49I didn't get your money. I didn't get your ticket.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- All right, look...- Mr Brooks, how long will you be?- I have to pee.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Keep talking. Just keep talking.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57I'm a very busy man. Ask me questions, it's all right.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01Er...
0:03:03 > 0:03:09- Oh!- Alan, Alan, Alan!- Ah. - Oh, Alan, I'm sorry.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12I may have some bad news for you. All right?
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Really, I mean it. I've been thinking.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20- I have been thinking.- Thinking... - I love you. I love what you do.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22I've always loved, you know...
0:03:22 > 0:03:27However, I've been thinking. I may not be able to do this.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Listen, everybody you're close to...
0:03:29 > 0:03:33I'll be very honest about this, very honest. You know, you were very,
0:03:33 > 0:03:37very close to Orson Welles.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Very close. And you saw him
0:03:38 > 0:03:41and you did a documentary on him, and then he died.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45And then Arthur Miller, the great... You know, Death Of A Salesman,
0:03:45 > 0:03:47the great View From The Bridge,
0:03:47 > 0:03:50one of the greatest playwrights of all time,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52and close to you, and then he died.
0:03:52 > 0:03:58Stanley Kubrick. Alan and Stanley. And then he died. So, I mean...
0:03:59 > 0:04:02You're just not good luck. I don't want to... I don't want
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- to take a chance on dying, you know? - So, why didn't you tell me
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- before, before I came? - It didn't occur to me!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11It occurred to me just as I walked in. I said, "This guy's
0:04:11 > 0:04:15"the kiss of death! Everybody, every time he gets close to somebody
0:04:15 > 0:04:19"and he...he does something with them, they die!"
0:04:19 > 0:04:21OK. I'm sorry, bye-bye.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Eight, seven, six, five, four...
0:04:31 > 0:04:38- Can I help you?- I got an appointment with the head of BBC Two. Yeah.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Sir, well, have you got any sort of identification on yourself?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- They're expecting me. They're expecting me inside.- Sir, I'm afraid
0:04:44 > 0:04:46if you haven't got any identification, I can't let you in.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48All right. Look, I'm going to go out this way
0:04:48 > 0:04:51and then I'm just going to go here for a second.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Fat guy!
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- Excuse me.- Sorry?- Excuse me. It's all right. Excuse me, excuse me.
0:05:03 > 0:05:08Innkeeper! I'm here. Mel Brooks, here to see the head of BBC Two.
0:05:08 > 0:05:13- Er, do you have an appointment? - Call whoever the guy is, BBC Two,
0:05:13 > 0:05:19tell him Mel Brooks, here, waiting. Waiting to see the chief of BBC Two!
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I don't need an appointment. He'll be very thrilled to know I'm here.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Hello, er, I have Mel Brooks in reception for you.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- He'll probably want me in immediately!- Er, yeah, hold on.- OK.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Er, would you like to take a seat, please?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- Take a seat?- Yeah, if you wouldn't mind waiting?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Jesus! OK, I'll take a seat.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48SHOES SLAM DOWN ONTO TABLE
0:05:48 > 0:05:54This British television. Lakes, ponds, ducks, pigeons...weather.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58The weather in Lisbon. I've got to know if it's raining in Lisbon
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- in Portugal.- Oh, Mr Yentob, there's a Mr Mel Brooks waiting for you.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Is that the guy? Is that the guy?
0:06:04 > 0:06:09Hey! Hey! Hey, no, it's all right, they know me, they know me!
0:06:09 > 0:06:11MEL WHISTLES Hey, excuse me!
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- Are you the head of BBC Two?- Yes. - I'm Mel Brooks, I'm supposed to...
0:06:13 > 0:06:16You're supposed to do a documentary for The Late Show on me,
0:06:16 > 0:06:20- on Life Stinks.- Yes, that's right. - Wait a minute, don't I know you?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- I don't think so.- I've seen you before.- No.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- I seen this guy before! - I just have to go in...
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Didn't you come to 20th Century Fox to do a documentary on me
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- about ten years ago? - No, I don't think so.- Yes!
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Mel Brooks.- No. Can I just go in here?- I mean, you were nothing then!
0:06:33 > 0:06:36And now you're the head of BBC Two?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38I'm having a deja vu.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41VOICE ECHOES, HARP PLAYS Am I having a deja vu?
0:06:45 > 0:06:48What is all this shit?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51What have you done to my hallway?
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- Who are you?- Electrician. - Electrician?
0:06:56 > 0:07:00- Nobody behind here. What's going on here? I have things to do.- You said
0:07:00 > 0:07:01to come back at three o'clock.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I know! But you're not supposed to put all this shit in the hallway.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I have big meetings with important Gentiles!
0:07:07 > 0:07:11I mean, this is a film studio! What is this crap doing here?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- It's supposed to be neat and clean! - This is supposed to be
0:07:13 > 0:07:15a special. I just thought we would just wait for you.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18A sp... All right. But how about a clean special?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21This is a filthy special. Is this the way you do things
0:07:21 > 0:07:24in England, just junk all over the halls? I'm surprised.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Now, look. Are you...? He's taking pictures... There's a mic?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30All right, do me a favour. Cut out all the...
0:07:30 > 0:07:33You know, all the times I've said "shit", take that out,
0:07:33 > 0:07:36right? And, look, let me make another entrance, all right?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Hello, hello!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Oh! What the fuck, I'll risk it.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46I'll risk it. But remember, I'm doing this, um,
0:07:46 > 0:07:49because I would, you know...
0:07:49 > 0:07:56You know the Latin phrase "quid pro quo"? I do this for you.
0:07:56 > 0:08:02I do this for you, maybe you do a little something for me?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04A little something?
0:08:04 > 0:08:10You mention that I've got a show at the Garrick Theatre in the West End?
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- No, I...- I know, I know! BBC.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17- Yeah, you can't really do that. - I know, I'm not allowed to...
0:08:17 > 0:08:21All right. I won't say... I won't mention Young Frankenstein
0:08:21 > 0:08:25at the Garrick Theatre in the West End in London.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- I won't mention it, I promise. - No, just if you don't repeat
0:08:27 > 0:08:32- the name all the time. - You can bleep it! You can bleep it.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35It'll be like... Look at me, it'll be like...
0:08:35 > 0:08:37HE MOUTHS
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- HARP PLAYS - No, Mel, no, no. Mel!
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- It's such a bargain.- Mel! - It's the best show in town.- Mel!
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- Please, I urge you, if there's a little old lady in your way...- Mel!
0:08:47 > 0:08:49..throw her aside. Kick her in the ass,
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- get those tickets, they're very tough to get.- Mel!- What?
0:08:52 > 0:08:56- Alan? Alan Yentob is here.- That's not right. That's not right!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Can you just...?- What?- It's not right.- What's not right?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02You can't... It's the BBC, you can't plug the show like that.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05It's not the BBC plugging the show, I'm plugging the show!
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- I happen to be on the BBC. - No, I know, I appreciate that.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13But you're not... We're not allowed to do commercials for...
0:09:13 > 0:09:17You're afraid it's going to become the Brooks Broadcasting Company,
0:09:17 > 0:09:20right? You're afraid that the BBC is going to segue into
0:09:20 > 0:09:25- the shit house because I'm taking over?- No, no... Not at all, not at all.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29We're very respectful. But the other thing is that we need
0:09:29 > 0:09:32to do a promotion for BBC.... This is on BBC Four.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34You're doing a promotion for BBC, right?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I'm doing a promotion for The Producers. Why do you think
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- I would do this junk?- You haven't put the cards up.- What?- The cards,
0:09:39 > 0:09:44- Mel.- There's something on the other side, right? Sorry about that.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- That's it.- Why do you give me these cheap cardboard...?- Could you place them...?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49You mean like this? You want me to do the whole show
0:09:49 > 0:09:52like this, so that I'm plugging you ad infinitum?
0:09:52 > 0:09:56No, I will put it on the table in front of me, and every once in
0:09:56 > 0:10:00a while, I'll do this. OK? OK?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03So, all right, quid pro quo, you do something for me,
0:10:03 > 0:10:04I do something for you. All right.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Kevin, I'm going to do this thing. I'm not pushing, I'm
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- not pushing anything. It's Kevin. He's busy.- What's he doing?
0:10:11 > 0:10:16Kevin Salter works with me. He's busy. He works around the office
0:10:16 > 0:10:20and I don't...I really don't understand exactly what he's doing.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23But I'm sure it's tidying up a bit.
0:10:23 > 0:10:28He's making sure the office... That everything is hung
0:10:28 > 0:10:32correctly and we're doing... Done?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- Thank you, Kevin!- My pleasure.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38- So...- So, questions and answers.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Yeah, well, I'd like to ask you about Young Frankenstein anyway,
0:10:41 > 0:10:46- the musical.- You mean...?- Yeah.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51I had done The Producers on Broadway and there was, uh,
0:10:51 > 0:10:55there was an army of Jews that wanted to invest in another
0:10:55 > 0:10:57hit musical comedy.
0:10:57 > 0:11:04So I was thinking, what is my next musical comedy on Broadway?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
0:11:10 > 0:11:15From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled
0:11:15 > 0:11:23from the sea and shouted to the cold stars, "I am man!"...
0:11:23 > 0:11:28..our greatest dread has always been the knowledge of our own mortality.
0:11:28 > 0:11:35Young Frankenstein had a lot of theatricality,
0:11:35 > 0:11:38a lot of footlights.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Life!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Life, do you hear me?
0:11:59 > 0:12:04Give my creation life!
0:12:07 > 0:12:12If a monster puts on a top hat and sings Puttin' On The Ritz,
0:12:12 > 0:12:15you're not going to do better than that.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17# Different types who wear a day coat
0:12:17 > 0:12:20# Pants with stripes or cutaway coat Perfect fits
0:12:21 > 0:12:23# PUTTIN' ON THE RITZ!
0:12:24 > 0:12:29# Dressed up like a million-dollar trouper
0:12:29 > 0:12:33# Tryin' mighty hard to look like Gary Cooper
0:12:33 > 0:12:35# SUPER-DUPER!
0:12:35 > 0:12:38# Come, let's mix where Rockefellers walk with sticks
0:12:38 > 0:12:41# Or umbrellas in their mitts
0:12:42 > 0:12:45# PUTTIN' ON THE RITZ!... #
0:12:45 > 0:12:49One night, I had a kind of epiphany.
0:12:50 > 0:12:56I, you know, I sprang up from my bed like Scrooge, you know,
0:12:56 > 0:12:57and said, "Oh, what have I done?"
0:12:57 > 0:13:02So, I decided to write a musical called Young Frankenstein,
0:13:02 > 0:13:06use the skeleton, the bones of Young Frankenstein
0:13:06 > 0:13:12and add songs that were funny, touching, appropriate
0:13:12 > 0:13:17and, you know, would knock them out, knock the audience out.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19THUNDER CRASHES, ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- You must be Igor? - Nope.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26It's pronounced "eye-gor".
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Welcome.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Sorry, I don't wish to embarrass you,
0:13:35 > 0:13:37but I am a rather brilliant surgeon.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Perhaps I could help you with that hump.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42What hump?
0:13:42 > 0:13:47Your track record with reviewers has been not good. Blazing Saddles got
0:13:47 > 0:13:49bad reviews, didn't it? The Producers got bad reviews.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- Yeah.- Are you a bit disappointed that this has got such good reviews?
0:13:53 > 0:13:54Yeah!
0:13:55 > 0:13:59Yeah, I mean, I wonder, have I done something wrong?
0:13:59 > 0:14:03I mean, the five-star reviews...
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I've never gotten good reviews before, you know?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13He's alive!
0:14:13 > 0:14:18When I did The Producers, they said, "Springtime For Hitler?
0:14:18 > 0:14:21"How dare you!" You know? "Shame on you!"
0:14:21 > 0:14:27# Springtime for Hitler and Germany
0:14:28 > 0:14:34# Deutschland is happy and gay... #
0:14:34 > 0:14:40You know, I watched this in North London with a lot of Jews.
0:14:40 > 0:14:46# Look out, here comes the master race... #
0:14:46 > 0:14:49And I don't think they could believe what they were seeing.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57# Come on, Germans, go into your dance
0:15:02 > 0:15:05# I was born in Dusseldorf Und that is why they call me Rolf... #
0:15:05 > 0:15:07How did you get this made?
0:15:07 > 0:15:11# Don't be stupid, be a smarty Come and join the Nazi Party... #
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I came to him, and he was wanting to make a major motion picture,
0:15:18 > 0:15:21and he said, "Tell me the story." I told him the story and I said,
0:15:21 > 0:15:23"'And then # Springtime for Hitler... #'
0:15:23 > 0:15:26And he was drinking coffee, and the coffee went up his nose,
0:15:26 > 0:15:29and he fell, he went and fell on the floor, gasping.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32I mean, the coffee went up his nose and out of his mouth.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Well! Talk about bad taste!
0:15:36 > 0:15:43# Springtime for Hitler and Germany
0:15:43 > 0:15:47# Means that soon we'll be going
0:15:47 > 0:15:49# We've got to be going
0:15:49 > 0:15:51# You know we'll
0:15:51 > 0:15:58# Be going to war! #
0:16:05 > 0:16:09James, could you come back, please? James, I want to talk to you.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to you without Alan Yentob around.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Listen, he's been a friend of mine for a long time and I'm...
0:16:18 > 0:16:24Honestly, just between us, I want you to know I'm getting fed up,
0:16:24 > 0:16:28because every time we go to lunch or we go to dinner, he never
0:16:28 > 0:16:31sticks his hand in his pocket.
0:16:31 > 0:16:36Oh! What a pleasant surprise! What are you people doing in the hallway?
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Oh, this is nice, this is wonderful. Isn't this? Watch your hands.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43This is terrific. Isn't this nice?
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Every... All of this beautiful stuff all around here.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51Oh, you're the fella from the BBC? And you're the cameraman filming it.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Hello. Hello, England. Hello, how's everything going?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Ever been to Harrods? I gave it back.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00What, are you going to come in and talk to me this afternoon?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03- Yeah, we want to do this story.- Oh, wonderful, wonderful. What are you
0:17:03 > 0:17:06- going to talk about?- About, you know, Melvyn Kaminsky,
0:17:06 > 0:17:10- your childhood, and.... - Melvyn Kaminsky? Are you crazy?
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Let's... I've been Mel Brooks for the past 22 years. I make a living
0:17:16 > 0:17:19as Mel Brooks. Nobody knows Melvyn Kaminsky!
0:17:22 > 0:17:24It's a picture of me as a baby, yes, yes.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28I don't like this picture. I don't want to use this photo.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Well, if you find... If you've got a better one,
0:17:32 > 0:17:33- you know, that's fine by me. - Wait a minute.
0:17:33 > 0:17:40I have something a little...I think that's a little better...in my desk.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Here. Use this.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- It's very nice, but this says Robert Redford on this.- Robert Redford?
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Cut out the Robert Redford on the bottom of it and, uh.... Look,
0:17:57 > 0:18:00a three- or four-year-old kid, what difference does it make
0:18:00 > 0:18:02if it's me or Robert Redford? Nobody will know.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- It's a nice blond-haired kid. - That's fine.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I mean, if that's what you want, you know, that's fine.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Can you tell me what kind of baby you were, what kind of child you were?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12I was, mmm...
0:18:12 > 0:18:17I was a baby, I was the fourth child born to my mother.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20I was a 10lb baby.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23I was the fourth son born to her.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27She tells me that she said to the doctor, "I don't want him.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31"Would you like him?" The doctor said no
0:18:31 > 0:18:36and asked around the building, and everyone came to look and said,
0:18:36 > 0:18:38nicely, you know, in a nice way, "No, no."
0:18:38 > 0:18:44So my mother kept me, and she's been happy ever since,
0:18:44 > 0:18:46because I'm the one - not Irving,
0:18:46 > 0:18:51not Lenny, not Bernie - but Melvyn is the one
0:18:51 > 0:18:55that sends her the 16 and 93 cents a month.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58They don't send her the cheque, I send her the cheque.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02In the interview later, say it's 116, all right?
0:19:02 > 0:19:06- Promise? Good boy. OK. - You were born in Brooklyn.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10I was born in Brooklyn, yes, which is a province of New York.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Was there something special about being Jewish in Brooklyn
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- at that time in New York? - No, everybody was.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19Every single human being in Brooklyn was a Jew at that point,
0:19:19 > 0:19:22so there was nothing special about it. It was quite ordinary.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26It was a pedestrian thing to be. I mean, I went to Manhattan
0:19:26 > 0:19:28and I met all these Gentiles and it was a little frightening.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30That was frightening. I said, "My God,
0:19:30 > 0:19:33"you mean there are other people besides Jews in the world?"
0:19:33 > 0:19:39So we never felt any anti-Semitism or any strangeness.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43Had we been transported to Nebraska or Kansas or Abilene, Texas,
0:19:43 > 0:19:46yes, we would have felt... They would have said...
0:19:46 > 0:19:48SOUTHERN DRAWL: .."What the hell is that thing there,
0:19:48 > 0:19:51"talking in that Jew talk? What the hell?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54"They're so little, itty-bitty people. They're so short. So funny.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56"And they can count.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58"I got myself a Jew.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02"I wanted an Airedale, but I got myself a Jew instead.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04"And it do everything.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07"Ostensibly, it's my accountant,
0:20:07 > 0:20:11"but it's cuter than an accountant. It can count.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14"It don't even need a pencil. It can count. You just... All you do...
0:20:14 > 0:20:17"Every night, you just take a little matzos. That's what they eat,
0:20:17 > 0:20:20"unleavened bread. You put that in their dish,
0:20:20 > 0:20:23"in a little water to soften up, because it cut their gums.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27"You don't want a little Jew bleeding all over your carpet.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31"You give them the matzos, the little Jews, and they love you for it.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33"They love you for it. They're wonderful people.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36"And I'm trying... I'm going to get another one.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38"I'm going to get a female, and I'm going to breed them.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41"I'm going to breed these little Jews, and I'm going to sell them
0:20:41 > 0:20:43"as little Jew accountants to everybody in Texas."
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Your career in comedy started in the mountains.
0:20:49 > 0:20:54Would you please bring...? Mrs Poldenfarm, other people would like
0:20:54 > 0:20:56to use that rowboat.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Please bring in rowboat 101.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02The real name of the rowboat is 11.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05That's a hole in the middle. You're sinking.
0:21:05 > 0:21:10The Jewish mountains, you went there, really... They went there,
0:21:10 > 0:21:12really, for the food. They went there to die.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Because the food was cholesterol. That's all it was.
0:21:15 > 0:21:21It was sour cream on potato pancakes. It was only things
0:21:21 > 0:21:22that would kill you.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27The most dangerous thing that a Jew could do in the Borscht Belt
0:21:27 > 0:21:31was to sing a song after lunch.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Lunch would fill them up to here.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36They would eat kneidlach, meidlach, teidlach,
0:21:36 > 0:21:38meidlach, reidlach, neidlach and teidlach.
0:21:38 > 0:21:39I don't know what...
0:21:39 > 0:21:42It's all Yiddish words for doughy substances
0:21:42 > 0:21:46filled with cheeses and kasha, covered with creams.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Sometimes they would have just a lot of raw vegetables covered with
0:21:51 > 0:21:54one gallon of sour cream. And they would eat that.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Then they would have sour cream on blintzes for lunch, for dessert,
0:21:57 > 0:22:01and that would be their lunch. And then ten gallons of hot tea.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04And then a glass of sour cream. You don't know what...
0:22:04 > 0:22:07And then, after that, they would sit and rock.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10They would be on the porch, they would rock, and this is the most
0:22:10 > 0:22:13dangerous thing a Jew can do. The most dangerous thing a Jew
0:22:13 > 0:22:16could do in the mountains was to sing Dancing In The Dark.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21Why Dancing in the Dark? Because they never understood the range
0:22:21 > 0:22:26of that song and would invariably start in the wrong key.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29If you're going to sing Dancing In The Dark, you've got to start very low,
0:22:29 > 0:22:33because the song goes very high. And many Jews would die of a stroke
0:22:33 > 0:22:36because they would start too high, thinking that was a normal place
0:22:36 > 0:22:39to start Dancing In The Dark. They would sing what would appear normal.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41# Dancing in the dark... #
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Now, that doesn't sound so bad. # Till the tune ends... #
0:22:43 > 0:22:44But you watch.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48# We're dancing in the dark And it soon ends
0:22:48 > 0:22:53# And we can face the music together
0:22:53 > 0:22:57EVER HIGHER: # Dancing in the dark! #
0:22:57 > 0:23:00And a stroke, and they would die. Because they don't know how
0:23:00 > 0:23:03high that song goes. You've got to start it like this.
0:23:03 > 0:23:08MUCH LOWER: # Dancing in the dark Till the tune ends
0:23:08 > 0:23:12# We're waltzing in the dark And it soon ends
0:23:12 > 0:23:15# And we can face the music Together
0:23:15 > 0:23:19# Dancing, as we're dancing in the dark. #
0:23:19 > 0:23:23That was perfect early Crosby. Crosby, '39.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Wow!
0:23:25 > 0:23:28It's difficult to believe, but you are a musical person.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30I'm very musical. You want to hear?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32HE CROONS
0:23:32 > 0:23:34# How brown... #
0:23:34 > 0:23:38- That was Crosby, '32, also. - What about this Sinatra
0:23:38 > 0:23:41version of High Anxiety? How did that come about?
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I thought it would be wonderful.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45When we were doing High Anxiety,
0:23:45 > 0:23:48I was a doctor, a psychiatrist, and she says, "Do you sing?"
0:23:48 > 0:23:51And I say, "No, no. In the shower."
0:23:51 > 0:23:55And then she says, "Well, try." We're sitting around a piano bar.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59And so I thought it would be sensational if a novice singer,
0:23:59 > 0:24:01you know, a psychiatrist, would suddenly sing
0:24:01 > 0:24:03exactly like Frank Sinatra.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Hey, it's song time here at the piano bar.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08That means I lay back and let you come forward
0:24:08 > 0:24:10and sing a few songs. How about you, sir?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13How about you, ma'am? No?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16How about you, Doc? How about giving us a tune?
0:24:16 > 0:24:18- Come on.- Me?- Yes.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20I don't sing, no.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22I really don't sing. Not professionally, anyway.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Yeah, come on, Doc, give us a song.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27- Please.- We'd love it. - Come on, Doc, you can do it.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Well, go ahead. Go ahead, it'll be fun.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34All right. Do you know High Anxiety?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36You got it. Is B flat OK?
0:24:36 > 0:24:38B flat?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- The key.- Oh. Oh, the key. Oh, that's fine, sure. I guess so.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- Sing into here?- Mm-hm. - OK. Any time.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47PIANO INTRO
0:24:47 > 0:24:50# High an...xiety
0:24:51 > 0:24:54# Whenever you're near
0:24:56 > 0:24:58# High an...xiety
0:24:59 > 0:25:03# It's you that I fear
0:25:03 > 0:25:08BAND JOINS IN # My heart's afraid to fly
0:25:08 > 0:25:11# It's crashed before
0:25:12 > 0:25:15# But then you take my hand
0:25:16 > 0:25:21# My heart starts to soar Once more
0:25:21 > 0:25:23# High anxiety
0:25:24 > 0:25:28# It's always the same
0:25:29 > 0:25:31# Ooh, xiety
0:25:32 > 0:25:36# It's you...that I blame
0:25:38 > 0:25:41# It's very clear to me
0:25:41 > 0:25:44# I've got to give in
0:25:46 > 0:25:49# High an...xiety
0:25:50 > 0:25:52# You win. #
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Comedy is always about what's happening in your life
0:25:56 > 0:26:00and the world, and there's nothing better than getting a laugh.
0:26:00 > 0:26:01It makes everybody happy.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04If Carl Reiner's got something
0:26:04 > 0:26:06to say, chances are it's funny.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Over a career that spanned more than seven decades,
0:26:09 > 0:26:12the 94-year-old has penned, directed and acted out
0:26:12 > 0:26:14some of comedy's greatest hits,
0:26:14 > 0:26:18from the semiautobiographical Dick Van Dyke Show
0:26:18 > 0:26:22to multiple collaborations with Steve Martin, like The Jerk...
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Stay away from the cans!
0:26:24 > 0:26:26..and The 2,000 Year Old Man.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28That hurts?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Yeah, you bet it hurts now.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34Reiner's ad-libbed routine with famously close buddy Mel Brooks.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Are you surprised at how much people love that sketch?
0:26:37 > 0:26:41Well, Mel, I think, is the funniest human being in the world.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43He's connected to the truth.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Here are the two funniest guys on the planet,
0:26:46 > 0:26:48and you're both now in your 90s.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53PHONE RINGING TONE
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- Hello?- Hello, Carl, can you hear me?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02- Barely. - MEL CHUCKLES
0:27:03 > 0:27:05I've got Alan.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I've got Alan Yentob with me.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10You're kidding!
0:27:10 > 0:27:14Really. He's here from England, and he's expressed
0:27:14 > 0:27:16a desire to see you.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Well, I'd love to see him. I'll even shave.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22- No, you don't have to. - No, don't shave.
0:27:22 > 0:27:27Now, listen, Carl. I'm going to check Whole Foods.
0:27:27 > 0:27:32- Stay with me, Carl.- Yeah, yeah. - I'm going to check Whole Foods,
0:27:32 > 0:27:37and I'm going to see whether or not they're open. And if they're open,
0:27:37 > 0:27:42I'm going to get... Er, I'm going to get chicken meatballs,
0:27:42 > 0:27:45and I'm going to get...cannell...
0:27:46 > 0:27:51- You know...- OK!- I'm going to get that thin spaghetti.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54And I'm going to bring it over with a lot of sauce
0:27:54 > 0:27:58- and we're all going to eat. Is that all right with you?- Yes, of course.
0:27:58 > 0:28:03- If you've got it, eat it.- OK! - If you've got it, eat it.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06If you got it, eat it. All right, I'm going to try and get it,
0:28:06 > 0:28:09and I'll get back to you in a half-hour with all the stuff.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13- OK, I'll be here.- OK, you'll be there. You wait.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36- Yes?- Yes.- Yes!
0:28:36 > 0:28:39- Yes.- Yay!- How are you?- I love you.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43You have made me laugh on very sad days.
0:28:43 > 0:28:47- Oh, I'm so happy I could do that. - You have put a smile on my face
0:28:47 > 0:28:49when things weren't great.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52If I knew that, I would probably have charged you.
0:28:52 > 0:28:54But I didn't know.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56- Thank you.- You got it.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01- You are truly one of a kind. - Bless you.
0:29:01 > 0:29:03- Thank you.- You have been an inspiration to so many.
0:29:03 > 0:29:08People like me, when we're down and you make us smile, it means a lot.
0:29:08 > 0:29:12- Who are you?- These are friends taking pictures of me.
0:29:13 > 0:29:18Do you have any chickpeas? The ones that are not spicy, these.
0:29:18 > 0:29:23- You want the teriyaki sauce? - Not the ones that are spicy.
0:29:23 > 0:29:26- This is not spicy. - OK, good.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36There's a little dog...
0:29:38 > 0:29:40There's a little dog going to make trouble.
0:29:40 > 0:29:44- OK.- It's Rosa's little dog. He's a little white dog who goes bananas
0:29:44 > 0:29:46when people come to the door.
0:29:48 > 0:29:50Caesar!
0:29:50 > 0:29:53We're lucky. Caesar?
0:29:54 > 0:29:56Friends. OK, he's not here.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02Carl? Where's Carl?
0:30:02 > 0:30:04Carl is upstairs.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07- TV:- The destination for the eerie.
0:30:07 > 0:30:11Weird, blood-chilling tales told by Old Nancy, the witch of Salem...
0:30:13 > 0:30:16Hello?
0:30:22 > 0:30:25- TV OFF - How are you?- Come to find you.
0:30:25 > 0:30:29- I'm here.- We've brought you your dinner.- OK.
0:30:29 > 0:30:34I was just putting together some things to show you what I'm doing.
0:30:34 > 0:30:38- Yeah.- Here's one of them. What does it say?
0:30:38 > 0:30:42It says, "The Rise & Fall & Rise & Fall & Rise & Fall & Rise
0:30:42 > 0:30:47"& Fall & Rise & Fall & Rise Of Radio
0:30:47 > 0:30:51- "by Carl Reiner." - Yes, but isn't this interesting?
0:30:51 > 0:30:54Because this is...
0:30:54 > 0:30:58..a crystal set. My father, when I was four, five years old,
0:30:58 > 0:31:02he built a crystal set very similar to this.
0:31:02 > 0:31:08But we heard scratchy music and Lowell Thomas doing the news.
0:31:08 > 0:31:11That was the only... Amos 'n' Andy came on.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15And then he went out and built the radio, a real radio.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19But we had gaslight. So he had to get a storage battery
0:31:19 > 0:31:23- to run the radio. - Was your radio like that?
0:31:23 > 0:31:26He had a different speaker, but it was very similar.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29- And there's my father. - HE CHUCKLES
0:31:29 > 0:31:31Oh, gosh!
0:31:31 > 0:31:36- I'm looking to see if...- And this is my favourite thing of all.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39When I was in the NYA radio make shop,
0:31:39 > 0:31:43we had a producer, a young girl producer, called Miriam Wolfe.
0:31:43 > 0:31:49And I said, "Are you the same Miriam Wolfe who did The Witch's Tale?
0:31:49 > 0:31:54"I heard it." She said yes. This is what she looked like.
0:31:54 > 0:31:58She scared the shit out of me. She had this voice.
0:31:58 > 0:32:02She says, "It's now the wi... She says, "Gaze into embers,
0:32:02 > 0:32:06"gaze into them deep, and soon you will see..."
0:32:06 > 0:32:10Scared the shit out of me. And then she was my producer.
0:32:10 > 0:32:15- This is her.- She was your first producer?- Yeah, in radio. I was 18.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20I'm going to do James Cagney.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22HE GASPS REPEATEDLY
0:32:28 > 0:32:30All right, now get out.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33You know, it was Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks who created
0:32:33 > 0:32:37the famous 2,000-year-old Man, a marvellously inventive comedy idea,
0:32:37 > 0:32:40especially since they conceived this idea way before
0:32:40 > 0:32:42Medicare was even thought of.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45So here's Carl Reiner to tell us more about this
0:32:45 > 0:32:48lovable ancient character. Carl Reiner, ladies and gentlemen.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50CHEERS, APPLAUSE, INTRO MUSIC
0:32:55 > 0:32:59Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of the year
0:32:59 > 0:33:02when the 2,000-year-old-man goes to the Mayo Clinic
0:33:02 > 0:33:05for his annual checkup. Ladies and gentlemen, the
0:33:05 > 0:33:082,000-year-old-man, Mr Mel Brooks.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10CHEERING, APPLAUSE, INTRO MUSIC
0:33:14 > 0:33:17Ah! I feel good, and I'm happy,
0:33:17 > 0:33:20- and I'm delighted.- Delighted to be here on the Hollywood Palace.
0:33:20 > 0:33:24- Delighted to be alive, never mind anything else.- That's good.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27When I wake up in the morning, I make myself a birthday cake.
0:33:27 > 0:33:32A cupcake with one candle. I am glad to go in and out.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36So, what has... What has...? I've asked you this many times.
0:33:36 > 0:33:40- You've asked me a lot of junk since...- Yes. But we are always
0:33:40 > 0:33:43fascinated to know, what has kept you alive?
0:33:43 > 0:33:44What do you think has kept you alive?
0:33:44 > 0:33:47The main thing that has kept me alive, rolling along and singing
0:33:47 > 0:33:50a song for over 2,000 years
0:33:50 > 0:33:54is women, hundreds and hundreds of beautiful women.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58We know that, many, many hundreds of years ago, most men
0:33:58 > 0:34:02- had more than one wife.- Yes.- Did you practise polygamy in those days?
0:34:02 > 0:34:03I never practised it.
0:34:03 > 0:34:04I was perfect at it.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10I don't even remember this. But it's funny.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14I had my original toupee then.
0:34:14 > 0:34:16Carl, that's amazing.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19- Carl Reiner! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:34:21 > 0:34:23Don't you miss that toupee, Carl?
0:34:23 > 0:34:25Where's the seat?
0:34:25 > 0:34:27There's a big seat. Where am I standing?
0:34:27 > 0:34:30That's a big seat. Thank you, thank you.
0:34:30 > 0:34:34Look, here you are on Jay Leno.
0:34:34 > 0:34:35And you're still at it.
0:34:35 > 0:34:38It must be...30 years on?
0:34:38 > 0:34:4030? Maybe 40.
0:34:44 > 0:34:46Sir, I understand...
0:34:46 > 0:34:49I understand that you've been given a clean bill of health.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51Yes, sir, a clean bill of health
0:34:51 > 0:34:54- and a big bill for payment.- Yes, well, that's the way it is today.
0:34:54 > 0:34:58What is it...? What is it that has kept you alive? What is the secret
0:34:58 > 0:35:02- of your longevity? - I have been kept alive,
0:35:02 > 0:35:05singing a song, rolling along for 2,000 years...
0:35:05 > 0:35:09- ..by the help of garlic. - Garlic? Just garlic?- Garlic, yes.
0:35:09 > 0:35:13- How could garlic do that?- Well, you know the scientific way how you die?
0:35:13 > 0:35:16- Yes.- The Angel of Death rings your bell,
0:35:16 > 0:35:18you let him in, like a schmuck,
0:35:18 > 0:35:20he comes up to your apartment,
0:35:20 > 0:35:22he leans over, he gives you the kiss of death...
0:35:22 > 0:35:27- The kiss of death!- ..and he takes you away.- Yes.- Before I retire,
0:35:27 > 0:35:31I eat a pound and a half of garlic, I chew it up, I leave a little bit
0:35:31 > 0:35:34- under my tongue...- I see! - ..then I go to sleep.
0:35:34 > 0:35:37He comes in, bends over to give me the kiss of death,
0:35:37 > 0:35:41- I say, "Whooooo is it?" - Oh, I see, I see.
0:35:41 > 0:35:43- He wouldn't want to kiss you. - Oh, yeah.
0:35:43 > 0:35:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:35:44 > 0:35:50In the early days... of our 2,000-year-old man,
0:35:50 > 0:35:52I'm going to say...
0:35:52 > 0:35:57I never knew what Carl... I never knew what he would ask me.
0:35:57 > 0:36:01And sometimes he asked me things that were pretty bizarre.
0:36:01 > 0:36:05And the more bizarre it was, the funnier. A trapped genius
0:36:05 > 0:36:09mind against the wall comes up with
0:36:09 > 0:36:15- absolutely the most brilliant things.- And I loved confounding him,
0:36:15 > 0:36:17coming back with something that would actually break him up
0:36:17 > 0:36:20and make him laugh. And then he'd come back
0:36:20 > 0:36:23with a question that would stun me.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25Nobody would dare ask that question.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28There's a very other thing that's very important.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31I don't think you can say "very other," but I'll let it go.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34No, no. I was working at Universal
0:36:34 > 0:36:38at the time, and I had a bungalow next to Cary Grant.
0:36:38 > 0:36:42He passed one day, and I said - and the album just came out -
0:36:42 > 0:36:43"Here's something you might enjoy."
0:36:43 > 0:36:47He came back the next day and said, "Can I have a dozen?"
0:36:47 > 0:36:50I said, "What are you going...?" He said, "I'm going to England."
0:36:50 > 0:36:52I said, "You're going to take these to England?"
0:36:52 > 0:36:56He said, "Yes, they speak English there." Those are his words.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59He came back, and he said, "She loved it." I says, "Who?"
0:36:59 > 0:37:03He said, "The Queen Mother. Took them to Buckingham Palace."
0:37:03 > 0:37:06And I said to Mel, "The biggest shiksa in the world loved this.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08"We're home free!"
0:37:08 > 0:37:12I said, "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Cary Grant. He's talking to me!
0:37:12 > 0:37:14"I heard my name!" He said, "Mel Brooks."
0:37:14 > 0:37:17I turned around, I said... "You're Cary Grant." He said, "Yes."
0:37:17 > 0:37:20I said, "You shouldn't talk to me, I'm nothing!
0:37:20 > 0:37:23"I'm a figment of your imagination. You're a great big star,
0:37:23 > 0:37:25"I'm a little Jew from Brooklyn. Don't even look at me."
0:37:25 > 0:37:30He said, "I've spent 1,000 yesterday buying your record.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33"I've given your records to all my friends. It's the funniest damn
0:37:33 > 0:37:35"record I've ever heard in my life."
0:37:35 > 0:37:38I said, "I don't believe this." He said, "Where are you going?"
0:37:38 > 0:37:40I said, "I'm going to the commissary." That's the lunchroom.
0:37:40 > 0:37:44"The commissary?" He said, "OK. Come on, I'll buy you lunch."
0:37:44 > 0:37:45I said, "All right, Cary Grant."
0:37:45 > 0:37:48So we go to the commissary together. I walk past a guy,
0:37:48 > 0:37:52my friend Murray. I said, "Murray! Me and Cary are going to lunch!"
0:37:53 > 0:37:58We go to lunch. Cary, he orders a boiled egg. Don't ask me why.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Dry toast and a boiled egg. I ordered a tuna fish sandwich.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03"What's your favourite colour?" "Yellow. What's yours?" "Blue."
0:38:03 > 0:38:06OK, fine, great. Finished lunch, we go back.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09He goes to Grand, I go to Schwartz.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13Go into the bungalow, everything is gone. Next day, ring!
0:38:13 > 0:38:14"Is Mel Brooks there?" "Yeah."
0:38:14 > 0:38:17"It's Cary Grant." "It's Cary Grant! For me."
0:38:17 > 0:38:20"Are you going to lunch? "Yes, Cary. I'll meet you just outside."
0:38:20 > 0:38:21"OK, buddy!"
0:38:23 > 0:38:27Cary Grant... I'm walking. "How you doing? What's your favourite car?"
0:38:27 > 0:38:29"Rolls-Royce." "I like a '38 Buick."
0:38:29 > 0:38:32"OK, fine, fine." "You like double-breasted?
0:38:32 > 0:38:33"I like single-breasted."
0:38:33 > 0:38:35"I like a red tie, you like a blue tie. Isn't that great?"
0:38:35 > 0:38:38"I love your hair." "You like my hair? Great." OK.
0:38:38 > 0:38:40We go in, he has a boiled egg, I have a tuna fish sandwich,
0:38:40 > 0:38:45we finish lunch. We go back, he goes to Grand, I go back
0:38:45 > 0:38:47to Marvin Schwartz's office. Fine.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50Next day, ring! "Mel? Cal!"
0:38:50 > 0:38:54Now, this time, we meet outside, we're skipping to the lunchroom.
0:38:56 > 0:38:57APPLAUSE
0:39:01 > 0:39:04And the conversation's getting sparse. I don't really know what to
0:39:04 > 0:39:07say any more at lunch. I'm getting a little worried.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11He's just voluble, he's carrying on, he's crazy about me. I don't know
0:39:11 > 0:39:13what to say. OK.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16The next day, Friday, the phone rings. "Hello, is Mel Brooks there?"
0:39:16 > 0:39:18I said, "If it's Cary Grant, I'm not in!"
0:39:20 > 0:39:21APPLAUSE
0:39:23 > 0:39:25It's a true story.
0:39:27 > 0:39:29- LIONEL RICHIE:- # Hello
0:39:31 > 0:39:34# I just got to let you know... #
0:39:34 > 0:39:3811-time American Music Award winner Mariah Carey has turned
0:39:38 > 0:39:43her 1994 holiday classic All I Want For Christmas Is You into...
0:39:43 > 0:39:47Shall we watch Sid Caesar? That was your writing debut.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55Sid Caesar invites you!
0:39:59 > 0:40:02Whoa! That was a good one. What was that, Pete?
0:40:02 > 0:40:07That was a corker. I think you left the cork in the bottle.
0:40:07 > 0:40:11What seems to be the discrepancy over here? Hm?
0:40:11 > 0:40:16Yeah... Oh... Is that your seat, Harry? Oh.
0:40:16 > 0:40:18That's your seat, right, Harry?
0:40:18 > 0:40:20Hey, you.
0:40:22 > 0:40:23Out.
0:40:25 > 0:40:29- Shepherd's pie?- Shepherd's Bush. - Shepherd's Bush.
0:40:29 > 0:40:31I was in Shepherd's Bush. There's all Jews there.
0:40:31 > 0:40:33I try to get away from the Jews. That's why I don't want
0:40:33 > 0:40:37to hang around there. I worked at Shepherd's Bush at the BBC.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40There was a studio at the BBC, that's still there, Shepherd's Bush.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42We did The Show Of Shows with Sid Caesar.
0:40:42 > 0:40:47We did it live. We did 12 or 13 shows over that summertime period.
0:40:47 > 0:40:52I lived in Pelham Place, in South Ken, SW3.
0:40:52 > 0:40:53APPLAUSE
0:40:54 > 0:40:57Well, there you are. There you are, everyone.
0:40:57 > 0:41:00Another half-hour has slipped by.
0:41:00 > 0:41:03But don't forget... Don't forget that Sid Caesar invites you
0:41:03 > 0:41:07to tune in to the BBC next Tuesday again at eight.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10I would have been a comic many years ago had I not had such a great
0:41:10 > 0:41:14vehicle for my passion. I told you that.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17Sid Caesar was a genius. So, when I met him, I said, "I knew you could
0:41:17 > 0:41:19"play the saxophone, but this is thrilling.
0:41:19 > 0:41:23"You are a thrilling interpreter of human behaviour."
0:41:23 > 0:41:26And so, I said, "I'm going to write for you."
0:41:26 > 0:41:28DRAMATIC PIANO CHORDS
0:42:01 > 0:42:06What I got out of it was a sense of timing and a sense of...
0:42:06 > 0:42:10..of height, that there were no limits to comedy,
0:42:10 > 0:42:13that you had to scale higher mountains, that Annapurna was not
0:42:13 > 0:42:18enough, it was Everest. It was the comedy Everest you had to scale.
0:42:18 > 0:42:22And Sid Caesar taught us all that, that there were no limits
0:42:22 > 0:42:24to our comic imaginations.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29As a writer, you found success with Show Of Shows. Great success.
0:42:29 > 0:42:33And yet then...that all went. I mean, how did that affect you?
0:42:36 > 0:42:37I cried.
0:42:39 > 0:42:41I cried. I mean, I cried for two years.
0:42:41 > 0:42:46Thanks, Lee. All I did was cry for two years. I did nothing but sob.
0:42:46 > 0:42:49I mean, I was broke. I mean, I didn't have a nickel.
0:42:49 > 0:42:52He used to come to my office, he used to stop off at
0:42:52 > 0:42:57Chock Full o'Nuts and buy a cream cheese and walnut sandwich
0:42:57 > 0:43:01and a cup of tea in a container, and he'd come up and sit
0:43:01 > 0:43:05there and talk about the future. He used to make a date to do that.
0:43:05 > 0:43:09And I was busy trying to go out to lunch and make a career
0:43:09 > 0:43:11for myself, and here was this guy who insisted on sitting there
0:43:11 > 0:43:13with this container.
0:43:13 > 0:43:18Included in the future was a very serious idea he had for the great
0:43:18 > 0:43:22comic stage play called Springtime For Hitler,
0:43:22 > 0:43:27which would show through comedy what the Nazis really were like, you see.
0:43:27 > 0:43:31And he had these very serious ideas.
0:43:31 > 0:43:33"Springtime For Hitler.
0:43:33 > 0:43:38"A Gay Romp With Adolf And Eva At Berchtesgaden."
0:43:38 > 0:43:40- Wow! - Wow!
0:43:40 > 0:43:44- It's practically a love letter to Hitler.- This won't run a week!
0:43:44 > 0:43:48A week? Are you kidding? This play has got to close on page four.
0:43:48 > 0:43:52Do people say to you, "Do you wish to make serious films?"...
0:43:52 > 0:43:56- ..if that is the phrase you can use? - Yes. Yeah. Well, I tell them...
0:43:56 > 0:44:00Sometimes I get up on my high horse. My horse is over 17 hands tall,
0:44:00 > 0:44:03and I get up on that horse and I say to them...
0:44:03 > 0:44:05..I say...
0:44:05 > 0:44:09.."Bullshit." And they say, "What? I beg your pardon?"
0:44:09 > 0:44:13"Excuse me." And I say, "All my films are serious.
0:44:13 > 0:44:16"You examine any one of them, they're serious because they are
0:44:16 > 0:44:19"passionate and they depict human behaviour at given points
0:44:19 > 0:44:21"in the history of humanity."
0:44:21 > 0:44:24I say, "They're not dramatic. That's the difference."
0:44:24 > 0:44:28I say, "You've got to be careful what you say there when you use
0:44:28 > 0:44:32"those words," because you can't make a successful comedy
0:44:32 > 0:44:35that doesn't have any passion. It will not be successful.
0:44:35 > 0:44:38You've got to say something about the system, about the social
0:44:38 > 0:44:40structure, about...
0:44:40 > 0:44:43prejudice, about people, about behaviour.
0:44:43 > 0:44:47Comedy is not successful unless it deals with...
0:44:47 > 0:44:50Even Laurel and Hardy, you'd say, "Well, they're cheap comedies,"
0:44:50 > 0:44:52but they always deal with the system.
0:44:52 > 0:44:56The Marx Brothers always dealt with the system.
0:44:56 > 0:45:02Every picture I've ever made has dealt with some aspect of the social
0:45:02 > 0:45:04system and human behaviour within it.
0:45:04 > 0:45:08I mean, I don't want to get clinical about it, but The Producers
0:45:08 > 0:45:11was about the dream of little Leo Bloom...
0:45:13 > 0:45:14..about success.
0:45:14 > 0:45:17Bialystock says many things. If you listen to this big...
0:45:17 > 0:45:21..Zero Mostel in The Producers, he says, "Bloom!
0:45:22 > 0:45:27"Bloom, I'm sinking. I'm part of a society that demands success
0:45:27 > 0:45:29"when all I can offer is failure."
0:45:29 > 0:45:32Blazing Saddles is all about racial prejudice.
0:45:32 > 0:45:35It's all about the hypocritical West shitting all over a black sheriff
0:45:35 > 0:45:37and wanting him dead.
0:45:37 > 0:45:40Did you think at the time you could get away with Blazing Saddles?
0:45:40 > 0:45:43No. I said, "Look, I'm out of show business anyway."
0:45:43 > 0:45:46The Producers made a penny. Twelve Chairs made a ha'penny.
0:45:46 > 0:45:49I mean, it made nothing. You know? And I figured, "Well, I'm out of
0:45:49 > 0:45:53"show business, I might as well say what I have and..."
0:45:53 > 0:45:56I just flung myself into the nether land.
0:45:56 > 0:45:59No, that's Holland. Into the nether world.
0:45:59 > 0:46:01How did the studios let you do it, Blazing Saddles?
0:46:01 > 0:46:04- What did they think of it when you'd done it?- They didn't know better.
0:46:04 > 0:46:07They thought we were just making a raucous Western.
0:46:07 > 0:46:10I just got a telegram from the Governor's office.
0:46:10 > 0:46:12The sheriff will be here at noon.
0:46:14 > 0:46:16I'd better rehearse my speech.
0:46:18 > 0:46:21As honorary chairman of the welcoming committee,
0:46:21 > 0:46:24it is my privilege to extend to you
0:46:24 > 0:46:27a laurel and hearty handshake.
0:46:28 > 0:46:32- Wonderful.- Lovely.- Excellent. - Hey, Gabby, can you see him yet?
0:46:37 > 0:46:38The sheriff's coming!
0:46:38 > 0:46:40Ring out the church bells!
0:46:40 > 0:46:43- Strike up the band! - CHURCH BELL RINGS
0:46:43 > 0:46:44BAND PLAYS A JAUNTY TUNE
0:46:57 > 0:47:00- Hey! The Sheriff is a ni... - BELL RINGS
0:47:00 > 0:47:04- What did he say? - "The sheriff is near."
0:47:04 > 0:47:06No, God blam rarrit!
0:47:06 > 0:47:09- The Sheriff is a ni... - BELL RINGS
0:47:11 > 0:47:15# He rode a blazing saddle
0:47:15 > 0:47:16# He wore a shining... #
0:47:16 > 0:47:19Hey, where are the white women at?
0:47:19 > 0:47:22These things are defective.
0:47:22 > 0:47:24Excuse me while I whip this out.
0:47:24 > 0:47:26SHOCKED SCREAMS
0:47:28 > 0:47:31The Western is one of the great genres of American film.
0:47:31 > 0:47:36Since the early days, Westerns have given us indelible images,
0:47:36 > 0:47:39the grandeur of endless landscapes,
0:47:39 > 0:47:42the intimacy of coffee at the campfire,
0:47:42 > 0:47:44men who do the right thing.
0:47:44 > 0:47:49I guess you could say that a Western embodies the spirit of America.
0:47:50 > 0:47:53And this is what Mel Brooks did to it.
0:47:53 > 0:47:57THEY ALL FART
0:48:09 > 0:48:11Movies bring history to life.
0:48:11 > 0:48:14They allow us to see, to experience
0:48:14 > 0:48:16great moments of the past,
0:48:16 > 0:48:18as if we were there living it,
0:48:18 > 0:48:21from the dawn of man
0:48:21 > 0:48:24to the eternal stories of the Bible...
0:48:24 > 0:48:25The writing of God.
0:48:25 > 0:48:28..to the epic tales of the Roman Empire.
0:48:28 > 0:48:31Films have the ability to help us understand where we came from.
0:48:31 > 0:48:34It is a proud and important tradition.
0:48:35 > 0:48:38And this is what Mel Brooks did to it.
0:48:38 > 0:48:44The Lord! The Lord Jehovah has given unto you these 15...
0:48:46 > 0:48:47Um...
0:48:47 > 0:48:52Ten! ..ten Commandments for all to obey.
0:48:52 > 0:48:54Early on in my career, I set off on a bold adventure
0:48:54 > 0:48:59to see if I could take mythological motifs
0:48:59 > 0:49:03and turn them into a contemporary movie,
0:49:03 > 0:49:05and I called this adventure Star Wars.
0:49:05 > 0:49:08And this is what Mel Brooks did to it.
0:49:13 > 0:49:18You have the ring. And I see your schwarz is as big as mine.
0:49:27 > 0:49:33You see, the one thing that I don't like -
0:49:33 > 0:49:36I don't like it in Hollywood and I don't like it at home -
0:49:36 > 0:49:38is any kind of glitter.
0:49:39 > 0:49:43I try to be as...as simple...
0:49:44 > 0:49:46..and as earnest and as honest as I can.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54I believe in the Oriental philosophy of life. I really do.
0:49:54 > 0:49:58I subscribe to the yin and the yang.
0:49:58 > 0:49:59And more recently the yen.
0:50:00 > 0:50:02That's it.
0:50:03 > 0:50:06- Can you do anything else musical? - Uh, musically, yeah.
0:50:06 > 0:50:08Do you guys know Just In Time? We'll do it in G.
0:50:08 > 0:50:10GUITAR STRUMS
0:50:10 > 0:50:13Dean Martin. Make believe this is gin.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15# Just in time
0:50:15 > 0:50:17# Found you just in time
0:50:17 > 0:50:22# Before you came, my time was runnin' low
0:50:25 > 0:50:29# I was born, losing dice were tossed
0:50:29 > 0:50:32# My bridges all were crossed
0:50:32 > 0:50:35# Nowhere to go
0:50:35 > 0:50:39# Ooh, now you're here
0:50:39 > 0:50:43# And now I know just where I'm going
0:50:43 > 0:50:46# No more doubt or fear
0:50:46 > 0:50:47# Found my way
0:50:49 > 0:50:51# And love a-came a-just in time
0:50:51 > 0:50:54# I found you just in time
0:50:54 > 0:50:58# You changed my lonely life that lucky day
0:51:02 > 0:51:07# My lonely, lonely life that lovely day. #
0:51:09 > 0:51:11APPLAUSE
0:51:23 > 0:51:26Mel sold his previous house to Frank Sinatra.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28Yeah.
0:51:29 > 0:51:32If I'd hung on to it, I'd be rich.
0:51:32 > 0:51:33ALAN LAUGHS
0:51:34 > 0:51:38MEL HUMS TO HIMSELF Just a touch...
0:51:41 > 0:51:43I'll play you just a little...
0:51:43 > 0:51:47..just a touch from my favourite composer.
0:51:47 > 0:51:48- George Gershwin. - George Gershwin.
0:51:48 > 0:51:52HE PLAYS INTRO TO RHAPSODY IN BLUE
0:52:20 > 0:52:26# Someday he'll come along The man I love
0:52:26 > 0:52:30# And he'll be big and strong The man I love
0:52:30 > 0:52:33# And when he comes my way
0:52:33 > 0:52:38# I'll do my best to make him stay
0:52:41 > 0:52:46# He'll look at me and smile I'll understand... #
0:52:46 > 0:52:50On our desert island this week is the American film director,
0:52:50 > 0:52:55- producer, writer, actor and comedian Mel Brooks.- He left out composer.
0:52:55 > 0:53:00I was a drummer. Only a few blocks away from where I lived, Buddy Rich,
0:53:00 > 0:53:03the famous swing drummer, one of the best that ever lived...
0:53:03 > 0:53:06You were a drummer? You were a drummer.
0:53:06 > 0:53:08How do you train to become a drummer?
0:53:13 > 0:53:16When I was a little boy on Bright and Sixth Street,
0:53:16 > 0:53:19walking with two Bobbys, one a friend Bobby,
0:53:19 > 0:53:21a tall friend and a short friend Bobby,
0:53:21 > 0:53:24we walked past Bright and Sixth Street, where I...
0:53:24 > 0:53:26HE DRUMS ON DESK
0:53:26 > 0:53:29We said, "Oh, that's good." We said, "Either Fred Astaire
0:53:29 > 0:53:32"lives in that apartment or somebody has a set of drums, right?"
0:53:32 > 0:53:36So, we peeked in and there was Buddy Rich at the drums, rehearsing.
0:53:57 > 0:54:01Buddy Rich was a great drummer, so we bothered him. We said,
0:54:01 > 0:54:02"How do you hold the drums? How do you...?"
0:54:02 > 0:54:06He was a sweet guy, always a sweet man. And he taught us just
0:54:06 > 0:54:09how to hold the drums, that the right foot was on the bass drum,
0:54:09 > 0:54:11the left foot was on the high-hat.
0:54:11 > 0:54:13And it was... HE IMITATES RHYTHM
0:54:13 > 0:54:15If you can get that rhythm...
0:54:17 > 0:54:20JAZZ PIANO PLAYS
0:54:24 > 0:54:27Always keep the beat. I'm always in the centre of the beat.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43Never wrong. Born to do it.
0:54:45 > 0:54:47What I'm doing now is really the most important thing
0:54:47 > 0:54:50a drummer can do - not show off, just drive.
0:55:02 > 0:55:05Nobody at my age could take a break like that.
0:55:07 > 0:55:12ON TAPE: I've always loved music. I would be seriously bereft and at
0:55:12 > 0:55:15a great loss if music were taken away from....
0:55:15 > 0:55:18- Doesn't sound like you at all. It sounds like someone else.- Right.
0:55:18 > 0:55:22- Let's break for your second record. - Yes.- Guess what this is.
0:55:22 > 0:55:26When I heard the Fifth Symphony, I said, "Oh, my God!"
0:55:26 > 0:55:29And if I had my way, conducted by Arturo Toscanini
0:55:29 > 0:55:32with the NBC Symphony Orchestra.
0:55:32 > 0:55:34MUSIC: Beethoven's Fifth Symphony
0:55:38 > 0:55:41MEL IMITATES THE MUSIC
0:55:55 > 0:55:57He was good. HE CHUCKLES
0:55:59 > 0:56:04Oh... He knew... What he could do! I mean, there are four notes,
0:56:04 > 0:56:09and the variations on four notes are incredible.
0:56:09 > 0:56:12I mean, they're just stupendous.
0:56:12 > 0:56:15How old were you when you first heard...?
0:56:15 > 0:56:17I was 12.
0:56:18 > 0:56:21That's still those four notes.
0:56:21 > 0:56:24And that's a counterpoint to the four notes. I mean...
0:56:24 > 0:56:27- For a little Jew in Brooklyn, that's quite upmarket.- Yeah.
0:56:27 > 0:56:30MUSIC CONTINUES
0:56:40 > 0:56:44When I was a little boy in Williamsburg, Brooklyn...
0:56:47 > 0:56:50..I don't think I ever saw a green leaf.
0:56:50 > 0:56:55Everything was cement. Everything was cobblestones and cement.
0:56:55 > 0:57:00Now here every day there's something green and beautiful.
0:57:00 > 0:57:04Now, if you back up and take a look at this guy...
0:57:04 > 0:57:06Turn around, James.
0:57:07 > 0:57:09I mean, this is...
0:57:09 > 0:57:14..probably the best tree that ever grew in the whole world.
0:57:14 > 0:57:18It has the most amazing roots, it has a network of branches.
0:57:20 > 0:57:22It's amazing.
0:57:23 > 0:57:28# Every time it rains, it rains Pennies from heaven
0:57:29 > 0:57:34# They know each cloud contains Pennies from heaven
0:57:34 > 0:57:40# If you want the things you love You must have showers
0:57:40 > 0:57:45# So when you see it raining Don't run under a tree
0:57:45 > 0:57:52# There'll be pennies from heaven For you and me! #
0:57:52 > 0:57:54- Bravo. - OK, follow me.
0:57:54 > 0:57:57Follow us, James. Just follow us.
0:57:57 > 0:58:00This is my lovely citrus grove.
0:58:00 > 0:58:03This is my tangerine tree. Here we go.
0:58:03 > 0:58:09This guy's almost ready. Alan, eat this for James.
0:58:09 > 0:58:12- You can tear it, peel it. - Here.
0:58:16 > 0:58:17And these are for me.
0:58:20 > 0:58:22All good.
0:58:23 > 0:58:25- Seriously.- All good.- Seriously good.
0:58:29 > 0:58:31Delicious. Really.
0:58:32 > 0:58:36# There'll be pennies from heaven
0:58:36 > 0:58:44# For you and me. #
0:58:49 > 0:58:50Record number five now. What's that?
0:58:50 > 0:58:53Record number five, Frank Sinatra.
0:58:53 > 0:58:57Ohhh! Perhaps the best living singer, one of the great crooners,
0:58:57 > 0:59:00you know, legendary crooners. A legend in his own life.
0:59:00 > 0:59:03And here he is at the peak of his career.
0:59:03 > 0:59:07PIANO INTRO Ah! In The Wee Small Hours.
0:59:07 > 0:59:10- That's good taste.- Are you surprised? That was you.
0:59:10 > 0:59:16He...never sang better than on this record. I mean, it is...
0:59:17 > 0:59:19..the most typical.
0:59:19 > 0:59:25# In the wee small hours of the morning
0:59:25 > 0:59:32# While the whole wide world is fast asleep
0:59:32 > 0:59:34MEL HUMS ALONG
0:59:34 > 0:59:39# You lie awake and think about... #
0:59:39 > 0:59:43Why did he have to die? I mean, the voice... He...
0:59:43 > 0:59:48You know... If somebody had to live forever, I'd vote for Sinatra.
0:59:51 > 0:59:58# When your lonely heart has learned its lesson
0:59:59 > 1:00:06# You'd be hers if only she would call
1:00:07 > 1:00:14# In the wee small hours of the morning
1:00:16 > 1:00:28# That's the time you miss her most of all. #
1:00:28 > 1:00:31Thanks to the power of his merciless tune,
1:00:31 > 1:00:35so that the whole world was made beautiful.
1:00:39 > 1:00:42Mel, aren't you dead?
1:00:42 > 1:00:45Didn't we bury you in 1982?
1:00:47 > 1:00:53My right name is Marion Michael Morrison, and the studio decided
1:00:53 > 1:00:57that it was not American enough for a boy who was going to
1:00:57 > 1:00:59play Breckinridge...
1:00:59 > 1:01:01Don't you remember? It's true.
1:01:03 > 1:01:04Mel, it's all true.
1:01:05 > 1:01:09MEL WHISTLES Folksies! Hello?
1:01:09 > 1:01:14Grave watchers! Hello, funeral parties! Hello.
1:01:14 > 1:01:17Hello, hello, flowers. Hello, people.
1:01:17 > 1:01:19HE WHISTLES Come over...
1:01:19 > 1:01:22Here, over here. Here. Over here, please.
1:01:22 > 1:01:25Hello! Ah, thank you.
1:01:25 > 1:01:30Hi, folks. Look familiar? I was Mel Brooks,
1:01:30 > 1:01:34one of the funniest little Jews that ever walked the face of this earth.
1:01:34 > 1:01:36I think so. Well, what can I tell you?
1:01:36 > 1:01:39I say Mel Brooks. Actually, my name was Kaminsky.
1:01:39 > 1:01:43Melvyn Kaminsky. Now, I'd like you to think of me as Mel Brooks,
1:01:43 > 1:01:45because that's where the big bucks came in.
1:01:45 > 1:01:49Now, I can't really continue talking to you. I'd love to, but I can't,
1:01:49 > 1:01:51because...
1:01:51 > 1:01:52..you have to put in a coin.
1:01:52 > 1:01:55If you don't pay for this, you don't get it. I'm sorry.
1:01:55 > 1:01:58Even... Even after death, a little bit of commerce.
1:01:58 > 1:02:02Yeah, would you please put in a coin? If you don't, I go black.
1:02:02 > 1:02:06In about 30 seconds, you're going to lose me completely.
1:02:06 > 1:02:07Forever.
1:02:10 > 1:02:13Thank you! And...go.
1:02:13 > 1:02:14Now, what was I saying?
1:02:14 > 1:02:19Oh, yes. I'm here now, fresh, adorable, alive.
1:02:21 > 1:02:26Actually, right below, here, right under this little mound,
1:02:26 > 1:02:30the decay that's happening underneath this earth is disgusting.
1:02:30 > 1:02:31But let's not go into that.
1:02:31 > 1:02:34What lives, what goes on, after the body ceases?
1:02:36 > 1:02:40Is it the soul, is it the spirit? That's what the religiosos
1:02:40 > 1:02:43would have you believe. Actually, I'll tell you what lives on.
1:02:43 > 1:02:45Video tape.
1:02:45 > 1:02:51It's the only substance that is immortal. The soul vaporises.
1:02:51 > 1:02:55I'm sorry. After you die, you got about 36 hours, and then...
1:02:55 > 1:02:58..no more soul. But video tape is...
1:02:58 > 1:03:02You're good, you're almost immortal, because after 15 or 17 years,
1:03:02 > 1:03:07you recopy yourself on new vinyl, video, and you never die.
1:03:07 > 1:03:09You're always on tape.
1:03:09 > 1:03:13Melvyn Kaminsky is no more. But long live...
1:03:13 > 1:03:15..video tape.
1:03:17 > 1:03:21- Hello! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1:03:21 > 1:03:22Welcome, Mel!
1:03:24 > 1:03:28Excuse me, this is the... this is the red carpet.
1:03:28 > 1:03:29It's for celebrities.
1:03:29 > 1:03:33Sorry, old boy. See you later.
1:03:36 > 1:03:38BAND PLAYS Springtime For Hitler
1:03:42 > 1:03:44Mel Brooks.
1:03:44 > 1:03:46INTRO MUSIC
1:03:49 > 1:03:52You know, with your kind of introspection, it's very
1:03:52 > 1:03:56difficult to, you know, get to the heart of what
1:03:56 > 1:03:59- really is Mel Brooks. - What am I really?
1:03:59 > 1:04:04I'm a coalescence of vapour. Sometimes... Sometimes I think of
1:04:04 > 1:04:08myself as a wraith. A wraith?
1:04:08 > 1:04:10Make that a wreath.
1:04:16 > 1:04:19This doesn't seem like a big production to me, really.
1:04:19 > 1:04:23I mean, what the hell are you people spending on it? 28?
1:04:23 > 1:04:27- I mean, you don't even have a good ending.- No, I know.- Do you want me
1:04:27 > 1:04:30just to say, "Th-th-th-th-th-that's all, folks"?
1:04:30 > 1:04:32You'd consider that the ending of a big Mel Brooks special?
1:04:32 > 1:04:35"Th-th-th-th-th-that's all, folks"?
1:04:35 > 1:04:37I'm Mel Brooks, not Mel Blanc.
1:04:37 > 1:04:40How about the Mercedes, the BMW and the Porsche?
1:04:40 > 1:04:45In our German Gestalt is the best in cars in the world.
1:04:45 > 1:04:47The other cars, Americaners, are shit.
1:04:47 > 1:04:50HE SHOUTS IN FAKE GERMAN
1:04:52 > 1:04:55America is bullshit.
1:04:55 > 1:04:58Und Deutschland ist alles Mercedes
1:04:58 > 1:05:03and the besten Wagen in the Volkswagen in the Welt!
1:05:03 > 1:05:06HE QUACKS LIKE DONALD DUCK
1:05:12 > 1:05:13Yes, but, Mel!
1:05:13 > 1:05:17- What? What do you want?- Yeah, but... is it an ending, really?
1:05:19 > 1:05:22It's a terrific ending. Hitler, and then I go.
1:05:23 > 1:05:26All right, so it isn't the greatest ending in the world, I admit it.
1:05:26 > 1:05:29But it's an ending. It's some kind of an ending.
1:05:29 > 1:05:32I mean, it's better than no ending.
1:05:32 > 1:05:33Come up with a better ending.
1:05:33 > 1:05:36I got to go to the toilet. I'll talk to you later.
1:05:40 > 1:05:42HE SIGHS
1:05:42 > 1:05:45You know... You know, there are no real endings,
1:05:45 > 1:05:48if you want to be true to life, you know?
1:05:48 > 1:05:51In the movies, people are shot, right? And they die.
1:05:51 > 1:05:54"Aaaagh!" They die, and they say...
1:05:54 > 1:05:55.."So this is the end."
1:05:55 > 1:05:57KNOCK ON DOOR
1:05:58 > 1:06:00Will you please stop knocking on the door?
1:06:00 > 1:06:04- We're doing a... - Mr Brooks, Miss Lansing is here.
1:06:04 > 1:06:10Who? Oh, uh... Can you explain that I'm...we're shooting a thing
1:06:10 > 1:06:13and I need the... I need the office for...?
1:06:13 > 1:06:16- Oh!- Look, I'm sorry to bother you, but I...
1:06:16 > 1:06:19- ..I really need my office back. - Why don't you give me a break?
1:06:19 > 1:06:21- Just five more minutes.- Honey... I've really got to get to this.
1:06:21 > 1:06:23- Must you?- Yes. I really do.
1:06:23 > 1:06:25Please. I'm sorry.
1:06:25 > 1:06:27- I wouldn't do it unless it was important.- Look, I know it's
1:06:27 > 1:06:29your office, but...
1:06:29 > 1:06:31It is my office, and I need my chair and I need my desk
1:06:31 > 1:06:34- and I need my papers. - All right, all right, all right.
1:06:34 > 1:06:37And it took longer than I thought.
1:06:37 > 1:06:39MOVIE MUSIC SWELLS
1:06:40 > 1:06:44What should I do? What's to become of me? Where will I go?
1:06:44 > 1:06:47Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
1:07:02 > 1:07:04MUSIC: Hava Nagila
1:07:04 > 1:07:07It's not what we take up front. That's not important.
1:07:07 > 1:07:10CASH REGISTER RINGS The movie can be made.
1:07:10 > 1:07:13We've got to raise money to make the movie.
1:07:13 > 1:07:15The fees are not important.
1:07:15 > 1:07:17I'm interested in the adjusted gross.
1:07:17 > 1:07:20I want the gross after they're even dollar for dollar.
1:07:20 > 1:07:22What? Who is it?
1:07:22 > 1:07:24- It's Alan. - Oh, all right.
1:07:24 > 1:07:26Come in, come in, come in. Come in.
1:07:26 > 1:07:29What is it? What is it?
1:07:29 > 1:07:32- What is it? I'm on the phone. - OK. I just wondered whether...
1:07:32 > 1:07:35We still haven't got this ending sorted out.
1:07:35 > 1:07:36MEL SIGHS
1:07:36 > 1:07:40They haven't... No, no. It's this guy Yentob from the BBC.
1:07:40 > 1:07:44No. They can't get an ending for this idiot documentary
1:07:44 > 1:07:45they're doing with me.
1:07:45 > 1:07:49What the hell do you want from me? No, tell me the deal again.
1:07:49 > 1:07:53They want to give us 16,000 upfront for everything?
1:07:53 > 1:07:55And then what do we get if the picture's a hit?
1:07:56 > 1:07:581,100? Are you crazy?!
1:07:58 > 1:08:01- We're running out of film. - What? Oh. OK.
1:08:01 > 1:08:06Look, I have to do this documentary. I'll call you back.
1:08:06 > 1:08:08MUSIC: Arena theme by Brian Eno
1:08:08 > 1:08:11Oh, you in there? Oh, there you are.
1:08:11 > 1:08:14OK, hey, listen. This is Alan Yentob. He's head of BBC Two.
1:08:14 > 1:08:17He flew all the way over from England to ask a few questions
1:08:17 > 1:08:19about Life Stinks. OK. Talk to him.
1:08:19 > 1:08:21He's in there somewhere. Go ahead. Go.
1:08:22 > 1:08:23Hello.
1:08:23 > 1:08:26Hello. Come in.
1:08:27 > 1:08:31- Thank you.- So, you're from the BBC? - BBC.- Nice.
1:08:31 > 1:08:37- It must be a bit cramped in here. - No, no, it's... It's very...
1:08:37 > 1:08:39It's very comfortable, very, very, very comfortable.
1:08:39 > 1:08:42As a matter of fact, we have...
1:08:42 > 1:08:45Friday nights, we have a little party in here.
1:08:45 > 1:08:46Excuse me?
1:08:46 > 1:08:51"Gipper! It's Gipper! Frankie!
1:08:51 > 1:08:55"Frankie, your mother forgives me! Frankie!"
1:08:55 > 1:08:58Oh, that was a great motion picture. You know, I...
1:08:58 > 1:09:00- I must go now, I think. - No, no, don't go, don't go.
1:09:00 > 1:09:02I have many stories. I have things to tell you.
1:09:02 > 1:09:04I love that shirt. I love that T-shirt.
1:09:04 > 1:09:07It's a beautiful shirt. Don't, no, don't go. Please don't go. No.
1:09:07 > 1:09:09I don't want to be alone here. I don't want to be...
1:09:09 > 1:09:11You're the first human being that's come in in years!
1:09:11 > 1:09:14You know, I had a very big office. It was great.
1:09:14 > 1:09:18# This nearly was mine... #
1:09:18 > 1:09:19Stay!
1:09:19 > 1:09:22# This nearly was paradise
1:09:22 > 1:09:28# I was living in paradise
1:09:28 > 1:09:32# This nearly was mine. #
1:09:32 > 1:09:35- Oh, please, don't go. Don't leave me.- Cut!- Don't leave me!
1:09:35 > 1:09:40James, do me a favour. Say goodbye, thank you, and...
1:09:40 > 1:09:45- ..and get out. No... No offence. OK, take care. Bye-bye.- Bye.
1:09:47 > 1:09:49MUSIC: Arena theme
1:10:01 > 1:10:06- So that's it?- All right, now, please, no offence,
1:10:06 > 1:10:09but get out. Enough.
1:10:09 > 1:10:13It's enough interviewing, it's enough talking, enough camera.
1:10:13 > 1:10:16I have a life. I have to...
1:10:16 > 1:10:20You know. I want to eat some spaghetti and meatballs tonight,
1:10:20 > 1:10:25with maybe some Parmesan cheese on top. And maybe a beer with it.
1:10:25 > 1:10:27I can't do that if you just
1:10:27 > 1:10:29keep talking to me and asking me questions.
1:10:34 > 1:10:37Why aren't I on this show?
1:10:38 > 1:10:41Well, Mel, why aren't I on this show?