0:00:02 > 0:00:04- PHONE RINGS - Hello? Ernie Wise speaking.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06The BBC?
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Yes, I'll pay for the call.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10LAUGHTER
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise, comedy legends...
0:00:45 > 0:00:47ERIC CHUCKLES
0:00:50 > 0:00:52..international celebrities...
0:00:52 > 0:00:55I've heard it said many times that you are one of the greatest talents
0:00:55 > 0:00:57in the British theatre, both as an author and as an actor.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00- I've heard it said many times. - By whom?
0:01:00 > 0:01:01You.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05..friends to the stars...
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Hello, Mr Previn. Are you surprised to see me?
0:01:07 > 0:01:10"Horrified" would be a better word.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13..and sharers of Britain's most-famous bed.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19It's got me beat, I just can't make it out.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Just can't understand it at all, the market's down four points.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24It's got me beat as well.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Desperate Dan's just eaten four cow pies and he's still hungry.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Welcome to the world of Morecambe and Wise,
0:01:35 > 0:01:37and their unusual domestic arrangements.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41When we watched Eric and Ernie's television shows,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44we weren't just watching two comedians at work -
0:01:44 > 0:01:47we were watching them at home, too.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49It was all part of the package
0:01:49 > 0:01:52that gave Morecambe and Wise's comedy such resonance.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56We got a glimpse behind the curtain, where it seemed quite natural
0:01:56 > 0:01:59that they would bicker like an old married couple.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Hey, now, listen, I'll tell you. No, listen, I'll tell you what.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05If I promise to do that play properly, that one there,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07if I promise to do it properly, no messing about,
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- how does that grab you? - This play?!- Yeah.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21APPLAUSE
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Bet you couldn't do that again.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33While Ernie fancied himself as a bit of an intellectual,
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Eric was a bored child,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38making mischief with anything to hand.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- Good God, I'm burning alive! - There's a smell of burning!
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- There's a smell of burning!- Bur..?!
0:02:44 > 0:02:45- I thought so, it's you.- Who else?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Let me have a look at that control there. Let me have a look at it.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- What?- That. I thought so, you've turned it up to maximum.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52I've not, it were me elbow.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54ERIC SCREAMS
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I'll get it off! I'll get it off one day!
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Until inevitably he would find his flatmate's limit.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11We are going to have a confrontation.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13You said you didn't like dogs.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- If you think I'm going to stand for all of this, you're sadly mistaken! - Sadly mistaken.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- He will then get his coat and hat. - Yes.- He'll put his coat and hat on.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- Yes.- He will cross to the door and he would say...
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- I'm off.- .."I am off."
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Then he would leave, slamming the door.
0:03:30 > 0:03:36You have got to leave, and let me get on with my life.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39What will you do with your life?
0:03:39 > 0:03:43I have an aptitude for the written word. I have a natural bent.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Well, have a look, it could be your braces.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51That's it, that's it! That's the finish.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- One of us has got to leave!- Right.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58In all their years together,
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Morecambe and Wise never made a situation comedy.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04But they didn't really need to.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09This domestic setting made their shows into a sort of "sitcom plus".
0:04:09 > 0:04:13A product of both variety and the television age.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15But it wasn't always like this.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19In early shows, they had the luxury of their own bachelor pads.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21A couple of men behaving badly,
0:04:21 > 0:04:24with Eric living in the flat below Ernie.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27PHONE RINGS
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Hello, hello?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Hey, Ern, can you come down?
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- What for? - Well, I've got a couple of...
0:04:36 > 0:04:38I've got a couple here, Ern.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40A couple of whats?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43You know, I've got a couple down here. Come on down.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47I don't know what you're talking about!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I've got a couple of the old yahoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Well, I haven't got time to mess about, I'm in the middle of...
0:04:54 > 0:04:58- Look, look, tell me something, do you want to play cards or what?- Yes!
0:05:00 > 0:05:01- Cards?- No, what!
0:05:04 > 0:05:06It was the writers, Dick Hills and Sid Green,
0:05:06 > 0:05:09who put them in one bedroom.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11It was cosy, but not too intimate.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Because, at this point, they still had their own beds.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Sit them here, give us a song. That'll get me off.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19# La-di-da! #
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- Will you go to sleep if I...?- Yes.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25She used to sit like this on the bed?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Yeah. Cuddled up close to me, she did.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30You've got funny-shaped toes.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42ERNIE SINGS A LULLABY
0:05:42 > 0:05:44HE STOPS
0:05:46 > 0:05:51HE CARRIES ON
0:05:56 > 0:05:59HE TRAILS OFF
0:06:02 > 0:06:04HE STARTS AGAIN
0:06:04 > 0:06:08It wasn't until writer Eddie Braben took over in 1969
0:06:08 > 0:06:13that Eric and Ernie got their famous king-size mattress.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16They were reluctant at first, as was the BBC.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21This was the '60s and innocence wasn't as innocent as it used to be.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24But Eddie knew how to win them round.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26"If it's good enough for Laurel and Hardy,"
0:06:26 > 0:06:28he said, "it's good enough for you."
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Not even Auntie, at her most straight-laced,
0:06:31 > 0:06:32could argue with that.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37This, erm, anybody's place?
0:06:39 > 0:06:40- Do you mind if I...- No, no.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Eric Morecambe.- Ernie Wise. - How are you?
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- Stop messing about! - Thanks for inviting me into your bed.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50ERIC CHUCKLES
0:06:50 > 0:06:52It's been a grand day for it, hasn't it?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Grand day for what?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Well, it all depends what you've been doing?
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Do you fancy a rehearsal?
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Pardon?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Do you fancy a rehearsal? - No, no, I'm too tired, really.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12I've got next week's script, it's very funny.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Have they sent us the wrong one again?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18I don't want to say anything, but the bed's moving again!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28The finest props in the country, these.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34I'll tell you something else as well.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37That was a lovely mental picture you showed there.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Are we all right now?
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Eric, though, felt his masculinity needed a reassuring little prop.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Now, wait a minute, you're not going to smoke that thing in bed, are you?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55No, just set fire to this tobacco, that's all.
0:07:58 > 0:08:0240 years on, it's the smoking that raises eyebrows,
0:08:02 > 0:08:04not the sleeping arrangements.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07The audience, of course, weren't in the slightest bit bothered,
0:08:07 > 0:08:12they simply accepted that Eric and Ernie slept in the same bed.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Put down now...- Yeah?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16"Door opens."
0:08:16 > 0:08:18"Door...opens."
0:08:19 > 0:08:24"In walks beautiful young girl wearing a negligee."
0:08:24 > 0:08:28"In walks beautiful young girl wearing a negligee."
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- Turn it over now. - Right, I've got that.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33See, what we've got to do, you've got to give the character life.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- It's all in the mind, isn't it? - Oh, yes, yes, of course.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Now, I've put that down, now what happens next?
0:08:38 > 0:08:41This could be interesting, this, now let me think.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- I know!- Yes?- I've got it.- What?
0:08:44 > 0:08:48"She crosses to the window."
0:08:48 > 0:08:50"To the window".
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- No.- No? - Just a minute.- What's wrong?
0:08:53 > 0:08:57No, nothing wrong, but she doesn't cross to the window.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00"She climbs on the bed next to the two fellas!"
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Right. "She climbs on the bed, next to the two fellas."
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- Have you got that down? - I've just written it down.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- It's all in me mind at this stage.- I appreciate that! Now, what happens?
0:09:07 > 0:09:11- We'll have to think very carefully here. Let's sleep on it. Good night, Ern.- Good...
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- Wait a minute!- Yes? - What are you playing at?
0:09:15 > 0:09:19It's all shaping up very nicely there. I could go on all night.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Well, so could I, but have you got enough lead in your pencil?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Laurel and Hardy aside,
0:09:26 > 0:09:30sharing a bed had another meaning for Eric and Ernie.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Back in the 1940s, before two became one,
0:09:33 > 0:09:37the young Eric Bartholomew and Ernest Wiseman
0:09:37 > 0:09:41both toured the variety circuit as juveniles.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Eric's mum Sadie would always accompany him.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48But, even at the age of 15, Ernie was travelling solo.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Which worked fine, until he got to Oxford.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54He'd forgotten to book a bed,
0:09:54 > 0:09:58and found himself walking the streets looking for a room.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00He eventually arrived at the guesthouse
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Eric and Sadie were staying in.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06As he was being turned away, Sadie spotted him.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09That night, she slept on the couch,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12and Eric and Ernie shared a bed for the first time.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17History doesn't record whether Eric smoked a pipe.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21- Move over!- Look, why don't you sleep in a bed of your own?
0:10:21 > 0:10:24You get me a teddy that looks like you, and I will!
0:10:27 > 0:10:31The boys' on-screen home life was based on the simple conceit
0:10:31 > 0:10:35that they had worked, toured and lived together ever since.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39Eddie Braben was smart enough to know it needed a germ of truth,
0:10:39 > 0:10:40and he gave it one.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43It felt as though we were getting an insight
0:10:43 > 0:10:45into the real Morecambe and Wise.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Please, just do something, occupy your mind, but leave me alone.
0:10:48 > 0:10:49I'm trying to read the paper.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Bring our frying pan back!
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Don't upset them.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13HE SHOUTS EXCITEDLY
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Haven't done that for years.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19# Sit at my piano! #
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Occupy your mind intelligently!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30I know what it is, it's Annoy Ern Time, isn't it?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Good Lord, no.- Yes, it is.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- Do you want to hear this? - Yes, please.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- Wait..!- I'll get it! - What's going on here?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- Get the right fly on there and you've had it.- Oh, pack it in.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Right through the window, vroom!
0:12:07 > 0:12:08ERIC LAUGHS
0:12:08 > 0:12:10- He goes mad, honestly. What's the matter?- Woo-hoo-hoo!
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- Have you found what you're looking for?- No.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17Eric at home had the attention span of a six-year-old.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Soon, he had the props to match.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27# Bring me sunshine
0:12:27 > 0:12:31# In your smile
0:12:31 > 0:12:34# Bring me laughter
0:12:34 > 0:12:37# All the while
0:12:37 > 0:12:41# In this world where we live
0:12:41 > 0:12:43# There should be more happiness. #
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Sit, sit, sit. Over.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56Good lad! Good lad!
0:13:18 > 0:13:21HE MAKES AEROPLANE NOISES
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Oh, that's a difficult one!
0:13:29 > 0:13:32HE IMITATES A MACHINE GUN
0:13:35 > 0:13:36What's the matter with you?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38ERIC LAUGHS
0:13:42 > 0:13:45TOY CACKLES
0:14:01 > 0:14:03ERIC SIGHS
0:14:03 > 0:14:07As our casual intimacy with the household grew,
0:14:07 > 0:14:11we started to see other rooms, including the bathroom.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16# You get by without your rabbit pie. #
0:14:18 > 0:14:20KNOCKING ON DOOR
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Who is it?- Pardon?- Who is it?
0:14:23 > 0:14:26It's me, Sophia Loren.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Can I come in and stroke your back?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31There's somebody in here, go away.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35- Are you in the bath? - Yes, go away.- Oh, OK.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Thank you.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41By golly, it's steamed up in here, Ern, isn't it?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Open the window, get a bit of air in.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Close it!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Barging in here, every time I have a...
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- It's outrageous, that's what it is. - It is, isn't it?- Course it is.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- Course it is. - You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10- What you wearing that for? - To keep my hair dry.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I always thought you kept your hair in the airing cupboard.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19I always thought you kept it in the airing cupboard, your hair.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20I see you've done your left leg.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26It's a different colour to your right one now.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29By golly, aren't you hairy?
0:15:33 > 0:15:38That is hair, that is, isn't it? Thick hair all over your body.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40I wouldn't have had a bath, if I were you, I'd have got dry-cleaned.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Look, just get out of this room, will you?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- Because I'm going to get dressed. - All right.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55You been to the pensioners' boutique again?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- It's nothing to do with you. - What is this? What is it?- What?- That!
0:16:04 > 0:16:06It's got an emergency exit there.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Good Lord!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14And that!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16What's that?
0:16:16 > 0:16:20# Hear my song, the old letter. #
0:16:20 > 0:16:24- Will you leave my garments alone?! - You can keep chickens in that!
0:16:27 > 0:16:29You can keep a horse in that.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31LAUGHTER
0:16:33 > 0:16:34Don't touch that money belt.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37You'll get your fingers trapped in that.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Get out and leave me alone, I'm going to wash my hair.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Yeah, well, I'll tell you what, I'll give you a hand -
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I'll do it for you in the kitchen sink.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02- Hey!- What?- Smile!
0:17:02 > 0:17:05ERNIE SHOUTS INCOHERENTLY
0:17:05 > 0:17:08APPLAUSE
0:17:08 > 0:17:12And on the rare occasions when the British weather permitted it,
0:17:12 > 0:17:14we were treated to a glimpse of the garden.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- Looks beautiful, the garden. - You like it?- Oh, yes.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- Yes, it's been a gardener's dream, you know, this year.- Has it?
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- Wonderful, yes. Enjoyed every minute of it. Beautiful.- Looks fabulous.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30I might show me plums this year.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Well, from what I've heard, they're well worth looking at.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- Are they coming on, then? - Three to the pound.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50Must be whoppers.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- You'll be able to get those in the Guinness Book Of Records.- Victorias.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Lucky girl.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00LAUGHTER
0:18:00 > 0:18:01Can I take your photograph?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- Have you got a camera? - One of the best.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- Really?- Japanese.- Japanese?- Yeah.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- What sort?- Suzuki.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Suzuki? That's a motorbike.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Oh.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17No wonder the strap broke when I put it round me neck.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- What's that?- Medicine ball.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Well, don't take it now, I'll get a glass of water,
0:18:27 > 0:18:28it'll be easier to swallow.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I knew you were going to do that!
0:18:35 > 0:18:40- Hey.- What?- You know how in the east, in the Orient, people don't exercise.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43They don't do exercises with things like this, you know?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Look, I don't care what they do in France.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50I'm going to lift this now. That'll amaze you.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- What's it weigh?- 240 pounds.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54- Does it really?- Hmm.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56That's 11 Ronnie Corbetts.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Or one Mrs Mills.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Depends which way you look at it.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22What are you doing?
0:19:22 > 0:19:25I'm looking at it and thinking about it.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29I'm doing that a lot lately.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- I'll take your picture, I'll go get me camera. - I don't want my picture taken.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39It's no problem. Don't worry about it.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Look, I don't want my picture taken...
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Shall I have a sort of pose or something? I mean...
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- Great, like that. Marvellous, that.- What?!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- You have not taken it, have you? - Yeah, you take one of me.- All right.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51You do the pose. I'll take it from a low angle.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54We're having none of that. I'm not bothered with that.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- I'll tell you what.- What?- You sit down, I'll have one taken with you.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Well, how can you do that?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- Well, it's got one of those devices on, you know...- A time exposure?
0:20:01 > 0:20:05- Yeah, you press a little thing like that.- Have you set it?- Are you ready?
0:20:10 > 0:20:14APPLAUSE
0:20:17 > 0:20:19- I'm not taking that to the chemist. - No.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27I must say, the dandorhodians and doing well again this year.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30The what? The what?
0:20:30 > 0:20:33The dandorhodians, they're doing well again this year.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35The rhododendrons!
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Rhododendrons, that's what they are.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- I wouldn't know that, would I? - Of course you wouldn't know.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45- Cos I'm not a gardener, am I?- No. - I like little birds. That's my hobby.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46Garden birds.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49WHISTLING
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- What was that?- One more.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54WHISTLING
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Kettle's boiling.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00- That was a garden bird!- Of course it was a garden bird, you fool. - What was it?- It was a robin.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02That's the mating call of a robin, that.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04It's that red shirt.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08You better watch out, he could swoop down here
0:21:08 > 0:21:10and carry you off to its nest.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14The surreal nature of this shared flat
0:21:14 > 0:21:18was heightened even further when the guests arrived.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Come in, come in.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22APPLAUSE
0:21:35 > 0:21:38CHEERING
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Roy! Come in.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Hello, Miss Fielding.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07- Hello, Chunky.- Chunky!
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Come in.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Once they were through the door, they were fair game.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30CARS BEEP
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Look out!
0:22:32 > 0:22:34TYRES SCREECH
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- My goodness, what's happened? - By golly, that was close, that.
0:22:37 > 0:22:38- Look at him, he's all over the road.- Yeah.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- He doesn't know what day it is! - It's Thursday!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- I better go down and give him a hand.- That's a good idea, yes.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Put his head between his knees and apply a turncoat.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51That's what I like about Ern.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Always help anybody, anybody in an emergency.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56I bet he's down there now, massaging that fella's wallet.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02- Eric, come and give me a hand.- All right.- Come on, he's a big one.- OK.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Now, you just take it easy, sir, now, don't worry,
0:23:05 > 0:23:08everything's going to be all right, it must have been quite frightening.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11APPLAUSE
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- Oh, dear.- That must have been frightening.- Yes, yes.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- Terribly kind of you.- That's all right, that's all right.- I'm groggy.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Sit down, Mr Groggy.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- Very nice to see you. - Did you see that idiot of a driver?
0:23:29 > 0:23:33I most certainly did. My goodness, it was very nasty, wasn't it?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Would you like a glass of water?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38I never take water with brandy, thank you.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- I'll get you a brandy, shall I? - Most kind.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I'll take your hat, as well.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48I've seen this fella before. It's Robert Morley, the actor.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49The famous actor.
0:23:50 > 0:23:55- You know...- Get him to do your play, it's manna from heaven.- Of course.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- Go on.- Mr Morley... - You're sat on me hand.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Mr Morley, sir, my name is Wise.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11- Not Ernie Wise? - Yes, yes, yes, Ernie Wise.
0:24:11 > 0:24:12Now, I have just written a play.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- I must be on my way.- Wait!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19- You can't walk far with a broken leg, sit down.- Sit.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22I mean, let's face it, you've just had a frightening experience.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Yes, and I don't want another one.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Already an acting legend,
0:24:27 > 0:24:31Glenda Jackson's gift for comedy had gone unnoticed,
0:24:31 > 0:24:34until she set foot into the world of Eric and Ernie.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38The lead role in the film A Touch Of Class followed,
0:24:38 > 0:24:39and with it an Oscar.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Well, as you know, Glenda...
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Glenda...
0:24:45 > 0:24:46I have written a play.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Yes, well, I'm very glad you mentioned that, Ernie,
0:24:49 > 0:24:51because I have seen several of your plays...
0:24:51 > 0:24:55Yes, yes, but you must not judge Ern on the plays that you have seen.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56Because, I'll tell you for why,
0:24:56 > 0:25:01- some of the guests stars in them have been a bit ropey.- Yes.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02But you had Eric Porter.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Ah, a fine dancer, but he can't act.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Edward Woodward?
0:25:07 > 0:25:10A good singer, but he can't act.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12- Dame Flora Robson.- Ah, yes, now you have picked on one there,
0:25:12 > 0:25:14he is a good all-rounder, but...
0:25:14 > 0:25:16LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:25:16 > 0:25:17And Peter Cushing's very good, as well,
0:25:17 > 0:25:19except, when you forget the words,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- he is liable to bite you on the back of the neck.- Yes.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23He goes like this.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27I feel assured, Glenda, that when you read my play,
0:25:27 > 0:25:29you'll feel that it's absolutely brilliant
0:25:29 > 0:25:31and a masterpiece of the highest order possible.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33I'm sure I will, Ernie.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36I've heard it said many times that yours is one of the greatest talents
0:25:36 > 0:25:39in the British theatre, both as author and actor.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41I've heard it said many times.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43- By whom?- You.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Of course, I've just finished it, would you like to have a...
0:25:45 > 0:25:47- Thank you, yes.- ..quick scan.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52It's the shortened version.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55There you are. Those are the stage directions. You know about stage directions?
0:25:55 > 0:25:59That's when you move about and people nod and say, "Walk that way" and...
0:25:59 > 0:26:00Oh, I see.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03"Cleopatra smiles a self-assured smile and says to her..."
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Could we have the self-assured smile, if you don't mind? I mean...
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Right, yes.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12- Are you doing it?- Yes.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16We're going to have trouble here.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20"All men are fools,
0:26:20 > 0:26:24"and what makes them so is having beauty like what I have got."
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- Beautiful. Beautiful. And quite well read, that.- Yes, beautiful.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Is the rest of the play like this?
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Well, to be honest, some of it's not quite as good.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Another visitor to the flat had previous with the boys.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46At a follow-up to his legendary appearance on their Christmas show,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49conductor Andre Previn again has his pride
0:26:49 > 0:26:52and scepticism brilliantly exploited.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56- Who was the fella we had in mind, Eric?- Kenny Ball.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00- No, no, no, more distinguished than him.- Acker Bilk.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05- No, he looks like Acker Bilk. - Benjamin Britten.- That's the one. - He's the one.- Is he any good?
0:27:05 > 0:27:06- Benjamin Britten?- Yes.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10- Well, he's not bad. - We're on the right track.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Benjamin Britten happens be a very good friend of mine and
0:27:14 > 0:27:19I would hate to think that he would suffer the same indignity as I did.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Well, you can tell your friend that he will be dealing
0:27:22 > 0:27:27with two people who have received a very sound musical education.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Where?
0:27:33 > 0:27:37LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:27:37 > 0:27:38I'll tell you where, Sunbeam.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Milverton Street School.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Milverton Street School?
0:27:45 > 0:27:46Oh, you've heard of it!
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Yeah, yeah, every Friday morning, after scripture,
0:27:49 > 0:27:53- Miss Turnbull used to play all the classics to us.- All the classics?
0:27:53 > 0:27:56All the classics, yeah. The Dream of Olwen.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00- There's black notes in that one, you know.- Black notes?!
0:28:02 > 0:28:03I'll tell you something else,
0:28:03 > 0:28:06it was Miss Turnbull that got him to take up piano lessons.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09- Oh, you took piano lessons, did you?- Of course.- How many?
0:28:11 > 0:28:12Two.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17- Two?- Two. Yes.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20It was the left hand on Monday, and the right hand on Thursday.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23The trouble was, I could never make it on the Thursday,
0:28:23 > 0:28:25that's why I can only play with the left hand.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27It was a pound a lesson.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Five bob if you took your own piano.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32- Want to see the marks on my back from..?- Now, look.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Mr Morecambe, you seem to forget,
0:28:35 > 0:28:39you seem to forget that I have heard you play the piano and I...
0:28:39 > 0:28:42I wasn't very impressed.
0:28:42 > 0:28:43(Don't!)
0:28:43 > 0:28:45(Control yourself, we need him.)
0:28:45 > 0:28:48- Well, the point was, of course, you've only heard me play one piece.- Yes, true.
0:28:48 > 0:28:52I mean, if you could just walk over here, I'll show you. This way.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55- After you.- No, please. - That's very kind.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57- Smaller than I thought.- Yes.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00Now. What would you like?
0:29:01 > 0:29:05- Erm, how about a little Debussy? - Good idea.
0:29:05 > 0:29:09Help yourself, it's in the drinks cabinet.
0:29:09 > 0:29:13- What would you say to Honeysuckle Rose?- Not a lot.
0:29:19 > 0:29:23HE PLAYS AVERAGELY
0:29:34 > 0:29:36Be honest.
0:29:40 > 0:29:41Goodbye.
0:29:42 > 0:29:46Eric, phone the Palace and tell them after the show it will be
0:29:46 > 0:29:49- Benjamin Britten who will be presented to her.- Good idea.
0:29:49 > 0:29:50Yes.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54ERIC WHISTLES
0:29:58 > 0:30:01LAUGHTER
0:30:02 > 0:30:06Did you...? Did you say, presented to...her?
0:30:08 > 0:30:10Well, it's all very hush-hush, you see.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13We've got to keep it quiet, We can't talk about it.
0:30:13 > 0:30:18You honestly mean to say that SHE is going to attend this performance?
0:30:27 > 0:30:29Not only that.
0:30:29 > 0:30:34But there is a 50-50 chance that she will be bringing the sword with her.
0:30:36 > 0:30:37ERIC WHISTLES
0:30:40 > 0:30:44So if we could just have Benjamin Britten's telephone number, please.
0:30:44 > 0:30:48- Yes, well, now... Boys, I've been thinking.- Please, sit down.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50Take the weight off your arpeggios.
0:30:52 > 0:30:58You did say that whoever conducts this important new musical work
0:30:58 > 0:31:01for you will get to meet...her?
0:31:01 > 0:31:04ERIC AND ERNIE WHISTLE
0:31:04 > 0:31:08See, Benjamin Britten, he's...
0:31:08 > 0:31:10Benjamin Britten's good.
0:31:10 > 0:31:15Yes, he's good. He's very good, but he's not... He's not that good.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19How can I put this to you accurately? He's very...
0:31:19 > 0:31:22He's very expensive.
0:31:22 > 0:31:23Now, I...
0:31:23 > 0:31:26I would be willing to take a cut,
0:31:26 > 0:31:30do it quite cheap, you know, because of the...
0:31:30 > 0:31:32ANDRE WHISTLES
0:31:33 > 0:31:36See, Eric, I mean...
0:31:36 > 0:31:38LAUGHTER
0:31:39 > 0:31:44- That Grieg Concerto... That Grieg Concerto, that wasn't really all your fault.- No.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47Boys, I've been thinking
0:31:47 > 0:31:52and I'd like to be the one to conduct this important new work for you.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55- What do you think?- Impossible.- No. - Please.- I'll talk him into it.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57Don't worry. Excuse me.
0:32:00 > 0:32:03- We've...- We've got him hooked.- Yes. - He's like a salmon in shallow waters.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05He can't move.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07- Did you say cheap?- Yes.
0:32:07 > 0:32:09How cheap?
0:32:09 > 0:32:10ANDRE WHISTLES
0:32:10 > 0:32:12ERIC WHISTLES
0:32:12 > 0:32:14For nothing?
0:32:14 > 0:32:16- That's your lowest offer?- Well, yes.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18LAUGHTER
0:32:18 > 0:32:22Without exception, everyone who walked over the threshold would be
0:32:22 > 0:32:28insulted and disparaged, even if they'd once been Prime Minister.
0:32:28 > 0:32:29PLAYS TUNELESSLY
0:32:29 > 0:32:31BELL RINGS
0:32:31 > 0:32:33- How do you keep doing that with just a comb?- It's not me.
0:32:33 > 0:32:36- That will be him now.- Let him in. I'll give him a fanfare.- OK.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38- Ready?- Yes.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40PLAYS TUNELESSLY
0:32:44 > 0:32:47APPLAUSE
0:32:57 > 0:33:00APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:33:00 > 0:33:03Good afternoon, Mr Wise. I hope I'm not too late.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06- Not at all, Your Grace. - It's Mike Yarwood.
0:33:07 > 0:33:11Absolutely fabulous actor. Do that one for me,
0:33:11 > 0:33:15the one I like, when you go, "Not like that, just like that." Do that.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17- Just like that.- Very good.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Excellent, but you sound a bit like Wilson when you're doing it.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22You see, you sound too much like Harold Wilson.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25Not only do you sound like him, you're starting to look a bit like him.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27- Sit here.- Would you care to sit down?
0:33:27 > 0:33:30Just relax and take it easy.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32- I won't be a sec. - See you in a minute, Mike.- Yes.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34LAUGHTER
0:33:37 > 0:33:39ERIC AND ERNIE WHISPER
0:33:49 > 0:33:52I... I'm sorry about that, Your Highness.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57I really must apologise for my partner. He is a practising idiot.
0:33:57 > 0:34:00He won't need much practice.
0:34:02 > 0:34:04I do apologise, Harry.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Or may I call you Sir Harold? I've got one or two things to do.
0:34:09 > 0:34:10It won't take a moment.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13- I'll... Would you like a drink? - Yes, I'd love one. Thank you.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15I'll go and get you a drink. Won't be a second.
0:34:15 > 0:34:18LAUGHTER
0:34:20 > 0:34:25- Yes?- Baker.- A large slice and two small browns.
0:34:26 > 0:34:29What do you...? What do you think you're doing?
0:34:29 > 0:34:31That...
0:34:31 > 0:34:36I'm terribly sorry, Mr Baker. Really, do come in. Nice to see you.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40I must say we are both very excited at meeting you,
0:34:40 > 0:34:44- aren't we, Eric?- Thrilled. Thrilled. - Good night. We really are.
0:34:44 > 0:34:46LAUGHTER
0:34:46 > 0:34:48Talking about great actors,
0:34:48 > 0:34:50I saw your portrayal of Sir Winston Churchill.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52I was moved to tears.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55I didn't think it was that bad.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00I'll just tell you about my play. It's a romantic play.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03- Did you say romantic?- Yes. Romantic. - Could I get a word in, please?
0:35:03 > 0:35:05Will you take your hand off his muffin?
0:35:07 > 0:35:09Mr Robert Morley?
0:35:09 > 0:35:13- You've heard of me.- Good Lord, of course. Who hasn't?- Yes.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15Mecca dancing, Miss United Kingdom.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17LAUGHTER
0:35:19 > 0:35:23- Thank you, Miss Jackson, and thank you for agreeing to do the play. Bye-bye.- Bye-bye.
0:35:26 > 0:35:29I told you. Leave everything to me. I said it would be all right.
0:35:29 > 0:35:30KNOCK ON DOOR
0:35:30 > 0:35:34- Hello?- Pardon?- No.- It's not me. - Hello?- Hello. Whom are you?
0:35:34 > 0:35:36- Glenda Jackson. - Oh, they all say that.
0:35:36 > 0:35:40- For all I know you could be a 12-foot burglar with a cosh. - You could be.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43The humiliation of their guests took many forms.
0:35:43 > 0:35:47And as Frank Finlay learned, resistance was useless.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50OK. Very simple. Tell you what you do.
0:35:50 > 0:35:54See the camera? You hide it in the bookcase like that. Right.
0:35:54 > 0:35:58- Now it's an electric camera, as you know.- Yes.- It fits into there. Right?
0:35:58 > 0:36:01- Yeah.- When I turn that on, the camera is now running, isn't it?- Yes.
0:36:01 > 0:36:02See?
0:36:02 > 0:36:04DOORBELL
0:36:04 > 0:36:05Let him in.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09- Hello.- Frank.
0:36:09 > 0:36:10How are you?
0:36:10 > 0:36:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:12 > 0:36:17- How are you? Lovely to see you. - Fine. Are you all right?- Yes, fine.
0:36:17 > 0:36:18Great. Yes.
0:36:18 > 0:36:22- Well, I'm sorry I can't do your film.- Understandable.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25- I know.- You've moved. - Yes. Don't sit there!
0:36:25 > 0:36:26LAUGHTER
0:36:26 > 0:36:28Over here, over here.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31Let me look at you. Such a long time since I've seen you, Frank.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34- You're looking very well. - And you're looking very well. Great.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36LAUGHTER
0:36:36 > 0:36:38- Did you...?- No, no. Quite a while.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40The last time was the show we did.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42Wonderful. I'm Eric. Lovely to see you.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45- Come and sit down over here. - Come and sit down. Sit down.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47- The most comfortable chair in the house, that.- Lovely.
0:36:47 > 0:36:49Make yourself at home.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52THEY MOUTH
0:36:56 > 0:36:57ERNIE FORCES LAUGHTER
0:36:57 > 0:37:01- Right. Come here. Are you...? Are you well?- Yes, I am.- Good.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03- It's a little cold in here. - It is a bit chilly, yes.
0:37:03 > 0:37:05I'll just put something on you.
0:37:05 > 0:37:08That's fine. Lovely to see you.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11Frank, tell me, did you have much difficulty in finding the place?
0:37:11 > 0:37:14- No, not very much.- That's good.
0:37:14 > 0:37:19- Always been fans of yours, haven't we?- Oh, yes. I love your work.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21- That Hitler thing you did. - That was marvellous.- That was great.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24What is that mark on your lip just there? I'll just take it off.
0:37:24 > 0:37:28- That was great. When you used to do Hitler.- Absolutely fantastic.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30It really was.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34Wonderful. Let's have a look. Yes, I'd see about that if I were you.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37- You know the one I like the best, Frank?- No.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40- It was the Danish prince, when you played the Danish prince.- Hamlet?
0:37:40 > 0:37:44- Hamlet. That's the one. - Have a cigar.- Here's a light.
0:37:44 > 0:37:47- What did he used to say?- "I'll ask George, Eric, he was a mate of mine."
0:37:47 > 0:37:49No, it wasn't that. What was it?
0:37:49 > 0:37:52- INDISTINCT:- Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54- Great.- Lovely.
0:37:54 > 0:37:58- That wasn't from Richard III, was it?- No. That's Hamlet.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01- That was Hamlet. I see. Yes. What did Richard III say?- No idea,
0:38:01 > 0:38:02I haven't talked to him.
0:38:02 > 0:38:05"A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse."
0:38:05 > 0:38:09- I remember you doing that at the National.- Yes.- Almost closed it.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12I remember. Lovely.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15- We've just come back from our holidays, you know.- Have you?
0:38:15 > 0:38:17- Where did you go to? - My Son Aladdin.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21- Where is My Son Aladdin? - It's near Scarborough.
0:38:21 > 0:38:23Just outside Scarborough.
0:38:36 > 0:38:38He terrified you as Hitler.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43You've thrilled at his Hamlet.
0:38:43 > 0:38:47Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well.
0:38:47 > 0:38:49You trembled at his Richard III.
0:38:49 > 0:38:53A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56You screamed at his Widow Twankey.
0:38:56 > 0:38:57Where's my son Aladdin?
0:38:57 > 0:39:00APPLAUSE
0:39:02 > 0:39:05One thing Eric and Ernie have never been recognised for is
0:39:05 > 0:39:07their eye for interior design.
0:39:07 > 0:39:13From the '60s to the '80s, the flat was a future eBay dealer's dream.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15# To everything
0:39:15 > 0:39:18# Turn, turn, turn
0:39:18 > 0:39:21# There is a season
0:39:21 > 0:39:23# Turn, turn, turn
0:39:23 > 0:39:27# And a time to every purpose
0:39:27 > 0:39:29# Under heaven
0:39:31 > 0:39:34# A time to build up A time to break down
0:39:34 > 0:39:38# A time to dance A time to mourn
0:39:38 > 0:39:45# A time to cast away stones A time to gather... #
0:39:45 > 0:39:49In the '70s it was difficult to distinguish Eric
0:39:49 > 0:39:51and Ernie from the wallpaper.
0:39:51 > 0:39:55When the time finally came to move on from the BBC to
0:39:55 > 0:40:00ITV in 1978, they packed up and left the old place behind them.
0:40:00 > 0:40:02It was the end of an era.
0:40:02 > 0:40:06A time for poignant memories, bittersweet reflection
0:40:06 > 0:40:09and jokes about Ernie's wig.
0:40:09 > 0:40:10- Hey.- What?
0:40:10 > 0:40:13I remember the first time you ever stuck your head out this window.
0:40:13 > 0:40:18- When was that?- Do you?- I don't. - You do. It was blowing a gale.
0:40:18 > 0:40:19It blew your wig off.
0:40:21 > 0:40:24And it landed in that garden down there.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26A little old lady came out and gave it a saucer of milk.
0:40:26 > 0:40:30LAUGHTER
0:40:30 > 0:40:32With the move came a new flat.
0:40:32 > 0:40:35And after nine years at the old place, it took them
0:40:35 > 0:40:37a while to get used to it.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39- Hey.- What?- I'm going now.
0:40:39 > 0:40:45- Oh...- What?- I'm going to the kitchen. - Yes?- I'm going into the kitchen.
0:40:45 > 0:40:47LAUGHTER
0:40:50 > 0:40:53- I've forgotten - it's a new flat. - We've only just moved in.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56- I'm going in the kitchen or the bedroom.- Or the bedroom.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58And I'm going to count my legs.
0:40:58 > 0:41:03Underlying the relationship between Eric and Ernie on screen,
0:41:03 > 0:41:06as in life, was a deep affection.
0:41:06 > 0:41:11If Eric was a bored child, Ernie was a tolerant parent.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13Very tolerant.
0:41:13 > 0:41:17There you are. £5. See that the old folk have a great time.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20- That really is so very generous. - That's OK. It's a pleasure.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22- Don't worry about it.- Thank you.
0:41:22 > 0:41:27- Goodbye.- Goodbye. Just a moment. Just a moment. Don't go just yet.
0:41:27 > 0:41:30I haven't seen YOU giving any money.
0:41:30 > 0:41:32LAUGHTER
0:41:32 > 0:41:35Yes, you haven't given anything. I gave £5.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38- I'll match anything you gave. - Let's see you match the £5.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40All right, then.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44LAUGHTER
0:41:44 > 0:41:47£5. See that they get a good time.
0:41:47 > 0:41:51- That really is very generous of you. - It is, isn't it?- Thank you.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54- I'll tell you once and once only.- I see.
0:41:54 > 0:41:58- This is purely a business relationship.- Of course.- Understood?
0:41:58 > 0:42:00- Naturally, naturally.- Right.
0:42:01 > 0:42:06- I'm sorry about that, Miss Parsons. - Parsons, eh, Parsons?
0:42:06 > 0:42:09Are you by any chance one of the missing Parsons?
0:42:12 > 0:42:15You must forgive me. Every now and again I do tend towards the debonair.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21PHONE RINGS
0:42:21 > 0:42:22I'll get it.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27I'm sorry. There's no phone here.
0:42:30 > 0:42:31Who?
0:42:31 > 0:42:32Ernie Wise?
0:42:34 > 0:42:36Haven't you heard?
0:42:36 > 0:42:38Very sad.
0:42:40 > 0:42:41Passed on during the night.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45It's been a shock to us all.
0:42:45 > 0:42:49Yes, it has. The doctor said it was constriction of the wallet.
0:42:49 > 0:42:52LAUGHTER
0:42:52 > 0:42:56He was as right as nine pence one minute, and the next minute
0:42:56 > 0:42:59he was writhing in agony on the floor clutching his bonuses.
0:43:02 > 0:43:07Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm sure he can do better than that.
0:43:07 > 0:43:13Come on, let's see you really give. Give the woman £10.
0:43:13 > 0:43:15LAUGHTER
0:43:19 > 0:43:21- Do you think I should? - Sure, go right ahead.
0:43:21 > 0:43:24I don't mind.
0:43:24 > 0:43:26- There we are. Oops!- Hey!
0:43:29 > 0:43:31There we are. £10.
0:43:31 > 0:43:35That really is so very generous.
0:43:35 > 0:43:38While I'm in a generous mood, where are you taking them?
0:43:38 > 0:43:42- Southend.- Southend. Here's the lot. Take them to Las Vegas.
0:43:42 > 0:43:45There's enough there for a potato each.
0:43:48 > 0:43:51- We are trying to work.- Not another word from me, I promise you.- Right.
0:43:51 > 0:43:55- Tony...- Fancy a coffee?- Thank you.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58I know a little cafe about 200 miles up the motorway.
0:43:58 > 0:44:02- Eh? How would you fancy that? - I want to have a word.
0:44:02 > 0:44:03Eh? A little motel...
0:44:03 > 0:44:07Are you deliberately trying to make me look a fool in front of Pat?
0:44:07 > 0:44:10How dare you say a thing like that? You know very well I am.
0:44:10 > 0:44:12- Just you listen to me. If I...- Ssh.
0:44:12 > 0:44:15- Hello, Miss Tasker.- Hello, Miss Tasker.- The sing-along is tomorrow.
0:44:15 > 0:44:17It always is with Max.
0:44:20 > 0:44:23- Why is it you're so good at embarrassing me?- I practise a lot.
0:44:25 > 0:44:28- Hundreds of pounds. - ERIC AND ERNIE: Hundreds of pounds.
0:44:28 > 0:44:30- Excuse me.- Yes? What have you done?
0:44:30 > 0:44:34You really are the kindest most generous person I have ever met.
0:44:34 > 0:44:37- Thank you.- Goodbye. - Thank you very much indeed.- Goodbye.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39- Do you save wicked women?- Yes.
0:44:39 > 0:44:41Save one for me.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43LAUGHTER
0:44:47 > 0:44:52"You really are the most kindest, generous man I've ever met."
0:44:52 > 0:44:55- How much did you give her? - Pardon?- How much did you give her?
0:44:55 > 0:44:58- I didn't give her anything. - You didn't?- It was your wallet.
0:44:58 > 0:45:00I found it on the floor.
0:45:01 > 0:45:03- Ern?- What?- You're looking for trouble with her.
0:45:03 > 0:45:06- Looking for trouble?- Yes.- This is nothing to do with you.- Oh, well.
0:45:06 > 0:45:09- Why don't you do something constructive for a change?- Such as?
0:45:09 > 0:45:10Clear off.
0:45:12 > 0:45:13Sorry about that.
0:45:15 > 0:45:16Now, where was I?
0:45:17 > 0:45:19Oh, yes.
0:45:19 > 0:45:21Tony turned to Cynthia
0:45:21 > 0:45:23and with a worried look on his face said...
0:45:23 > 0:45:25Have you seen my flies?
0:45:25 > 0:45:27LAUGHTER
0:45:30 > 0:45:35As ever with Eric and Ernie, the joke was ultimately on them.
0:45:35 > 0:45:39Turning down an invitation to the flat was, with sweet irony,
0:45:39 > 0:45:41one of the best ways to appear on the show.
0:45:41 > 0:45:44Got to get some more guests on the show.
0:45:44 > 0:45:47- I know that, don't I, you fool? I know that.- Somebody important.
0:45:47 > 0:45:51Somebody with a bit of class. From the theatre or the world of music.
0:45:51 > 0:45:53Who have you got in mind?
0:45:53 > 0:45:54Him.
0:45:54 > 0:45:59- Not Andre Previn?- Yes. - He's rubbish. He's rubbish.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02He can't conduct, he can't sing, he can't dance, he can do nothing.
0:46:02 > 0:46:04He'll ruin my Grieg's Piano Concerto.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:46:06 > 0:46:10- None of these people will work with us again.- I'll soon fix that.
0:46:10 > 0:46:11Don't worry.
0:46:11 > 0:46:14Hello. Mr Preview.
0:46:16 > 0:46:21- ADOPTS POSH ACCENT:- The BBC here. We've got a very big show going out on Christmas night.
0:46:21 > 0:46:25We'd like you to take part. Can you do it?
0:46:25 > 0:46:28Yes, I'd like to do that. That sounds very interesting.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30What's the name of the programme?
0:46:31 > 0:46:34The Morecambe And Wise Show?
0:46:34 > 0:46:36Yes, well, I'll have to think that over.
0:46:38 > 0:46:41I've thought it over and the answer is no.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43- Use a bit of tact. - I'm always tactful.
0:46:43 > 0:46:47The fellow I'm ringing has never done the show before. Hello!
0:46:47 > 0:46:50Hello. Denis Healey here.
0:46:50 > 0:46:53Hello, Eric. How are you?
0:46:54 > 0:46:58Yes, I'd be very pleased to be a guest on your Christmas show.
0:46:58 > 0:47:04I really am very honoured. Tell me, why did you think of asking me?
0:47:05 > 0:47:07You couldn't get Mike Yarwood.
0:47:10 > 0:47:12Who are you trying now?
0:47:12 > 0:47:14- I think that we need a dancer on the show.- Yes.
0:47:14 > 0:47:16Somebody to give it a bit of tone.
0:47:16 > 0:47:18- Good idea.- I'm ringing that fellow, what's his name?
0:47:18 > 0:47:20Rudolf Nearenough.
0:47:20 > 0:47:22Nureyev.
0:47:22 > 0:47:23That's near enough.
0:47:25 > 0:47:27Hello. Mr Nearenough?
0:47:29 > 0:47:34ADOPTS POSH ACCENT: The BBC here. We've got a great big prestige show going out at Christmas
0:47:34 > 0:47:36and we thought you'd be ideal for the show
0:47:36 > 0:47:39and we want to know whether you'd like to do it.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42I think I might be able to do it.
0:47:42 > 0:47:43But tell me,
0:47:43 > 0:47:46this is rather unusual, isn't it?
0:47:46 > 0:47:49I mean, what made you think of asking me?
0:47:52 > 0:47:54You couldn't get Lionel Blair?
0:47:58 > 0:48:00Rather typical of BBC.
0:48:03 > 0:48:07Hello, Mr Menuhin. This is the BBC here.
0:48:07 > 0:48:12We've got a great big spectacular show going out at Christmas
0:48:12 > 0:48:15and we'd like you to take part. Are you interested?
0:48:15 > 0:48:19Yes, I am interested. What is the name of the show?
0:48:20 > 0:48:24The Morecambe And Wise Show.
0:48:24 > 0:48:29And you say you want me to bring my...banjo?
0:48:32 > 0:48:35But I don't play the banjo. Would a violin be any good?
0:48:37 > 0:48:40It wouldn't. Sorry, can't help you.
0:48:42 > 0:48:45- Who are you ringing now? - Dame Flora Robson.
0:48:45 > 0:48:47- He's good.- I like him.
0:48:47 > 0:48:50- It's a lady.- Oh. I thought it was a friend of yours from pantomime.
0:48:54 > 0:48:55PHONE RINGS
0:48:57 > 0:49:01Hello. Flora Robson speaking.
0:49:01 > 0:49:02Oh. Hello, Mr Wise.
0:49:04 > 0:49:06Well, that's very kind of you.
0:49:06 > 0:49:09Yes, I'd be delighted to be in a television play with you.
0:49:09 > 0:49:12It's very kind of you to ask me.
0:49:12 > 0:49:15There's just one thing I'd like to know.
0:49:15 > 0:49:19Will your partner Eric Morecambe be appearing with me in the play?
0:49:19 > 0:49:20Yes, he will.
0:49:20 > 0:49:27Well, in that case I'd rather not. Thank you. Goodbye.
0:49:32 > 0:49:35- Rubbish.- She's gone.- Rubbish! - She doesn't want to know.
0:49:35 > 0:49:36She knows nothing!
0:49:38 > 0:49:42- Dame Flora. - I'll never use her margarine again.
0:49:42 > 0:49:46It seems some guests took a while to get the joke.
0:49:46 > 0:49:50Word has it that when the theatrical legend Sir Ralph Richardson was
0:49:50 > 0:49:53first asked to appear, he initially suggested they get
0:49:53 > 0:49:58Harold Pinter to write it, a collaboration we can only dream of.
0:49:58 > 0:50:01Here he is with the great Robert Hardy, mastering some very
0:50:01 > 0:50:03un-Pinteresque dialogue.
0:50:04 > 0:50:08- So, Ralph, would you like to read my play?- Yes, I would very much.
0:50:08 > 0:50:10- Thank you.- There you are.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13While you're reading it, could I help you to another glass of wine?
0:50:13 > 0:50:18Wine, no, thanks. Have you got any tea, Ern?
0:50:18 > 0:50:21LAUGHTER
0:50:21 > 0:50:23He did it! He did it!
0:50:32 > 0:50:36- Doesn't matter how big they are, they enjoy doing that one.- I know.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39- Robert? Robert?- Yes, sir.
0:50:39 > 0:50:41Robert, have you...? Have you read this play?
0:50:41 > 0:50:43Not yet.
0:50:43 > 0:50:47- Trouble.- What do you mean trouble? - He's not going to do it. I can tell.
0:50:47 > 0:50:52- I'm supposed to be Disraeli. - Oh, yes?- Disraeli with a Z.
0:50:54 > 0:50:56Sir Ralph, what do you think of it so far?
0:50:56 > 0:50:58Don't answer that, Sir Ralph, please.
0:50:58 > 0:51:00- Sir Ralph, would you do me a great favour?- What?
0:51:00 > 0:51:02Would you read the speech from Disraeli
0:51:02 > 0:51:04when he's in the Houses of Parliament?
0:51:04 > 0:51:07- I think it's there somewhere. There it is.- Yes.
0:51:07 > 0:51:09Well, all right.
0:51:09 > 0:51:14I will. "The honourable member doubts my integrity.
0:51:14 > 0:51:19"I'll have him know that only yesterday I visited Wales
0:51:19 > 0:51:22"and spoke with Her Majesty at Balmoral."
0:51:22 > 0:51:25LAUGHTER
0:51:28 > 0:51:31"She honoured me by saying that nobody had served the country with
0:51:31 > 0:51:36"such patriotic fervour than what like I have.
0:51:42 > 0:51:46"She has further honoured me by accepting my invitation to
0:51:46 > 0:51:50"spend the weekend at Chequers playing draughts."
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Mr Wise, this is really very funny.
0:51:57 > 0:52:01- Funny?- I think it's very witty. - It's supposed to be a drama.
0:52:01 > 0:52:03It's very witty indeed.
0:52:03 > 0:52:07But you know, looking through this play, I can't find anything,
0:52:07 > 0:52:11- any part for your associate. - You mean Eric?- Yes.- He's not in it.
0:52:11 > 0:52:15- He's definitely not in it. - Oh, dash it, what a pity.
0:52:15 > 0:52:16I think that's a pity too.
0:52:16 > 0:52:20He's not that bad. Don't you like those little monologues he does?
0:52:20 > 0:52:23His monologues. They are quite wonderful.
0:52:23 > 0:52:24Especially this one.
0:52:24 > 0:52:29"'Oh, Doctor Johnny,' said Flora McMurray, 'Old Angus is starting
0:52:29 > 0:52:33"'to wilt. He sat down on the crag for a pipe full of shag
0:52:33 > 0:52:35"'and a hedgehog shot straight up his kilt.'"
0:52:35 > 0:52:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:52:40 > 0:52:44So the flat was really an extension of Morecambe and Wise,
0:52:44 > 0:52:48their characters, their friendship, their shared history.
0:52:48 > 0:52:52It's appropriate, then, that it's the double bed where they started
0:52:52 > 0:52:56and where they always ended up together but alone,
0:52:56 > 0:52:59that gave us some of the flat's most memorable laughs.
0:53:06 > 0:53:10LAUGHTER
0:53:10 > 0:53:11That's very untidy.
0:53:11 > 0:53:13I'm not bothered. They're yours.
0:53:15 > 0:53:17- Ern?- Yes?
0:53:17 > 0:53:21Just testing. I don't like getting into bed with strangers.
0:53:23 > 0:53:26- Ern?- Yes.- Do you think you could do me a favour?
0:53:26 > 0:53:30- Do you think I could ask a favour? - There's no harm in asking.
0:53:30 > 0:53:34- Can I sleep on your side of the bed tonight?- Certainly not.
0:53:34 > 0:53:37- There's a hell of a draught comes in through that window.- No.
0:53:47 > 0:53:49- You'll have sciatica in the morning.- I won't.
0:53:49 > 0:53:52I'll have Shredded Wheat like everybody else.
0:53:52 > 0:53:55LAUGHTER
0:53:58 > 0:54:01You always do that - get into bed with your dressing gown on.
0:54:01 > 0:54:03It's a nasty habit.
0:54:03 > 0:54:04But there are worse.
0:54:08 > 0:54:11Why don't you read your newspaper?
0:54:13 > 0:54:17- How is the spectacular coming along, then?- Well, I don't know, really.
0:54:17 > 0:54:20I don't know whether to make it into an historical drama
0:54:20 > 0:54:22or one of those science fiction ones.
0:54:22 > 0:54:23Jules Verne.
0:54:23 > 0:54:27- Who?- Jules Verne.- No.
0:54:27 > 0:54:30I'm not having any of those French singers in my play.
0:54:33 > 0:54:38- I think I'll make it science fiction.- I like science fiction. - Do you?- Yes.
0:54:38 > 0:54:40Flash Gordon, he was one of my favourites.
0:54:40 > 0:54:41- Do you remember Flash Gordon?- Yes.
0:54:41 > 0:54:43- I used to call my cousin Flash Gordon.- Hmm?
0:54:43 > 0:54:45He got six months.
0:54:48 > 0:54:50Are you going to read your newspaper or annoy me?
0:54:50 > 0:54:51I can do both.
0:54:53 > 0:54:58- Oh-ho.- What?- It says here, "International film star Sophia Loren
0:54:58 > 0:55:01- "has turned down an offer from Sir Lew Grade."- Oh, yeah.
0:55:01 > 0:55:03"She said the grass was too damp."
0:55:05 > 0:55:07The Chinese, they don't have their Christmas Day
0:55:07 > 0:55:10till the middle of July, which is ridiculous, really.
0:55:10 > 0:55:13The mince pies will be stone cold.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18I liked Christmas when I was little.
0:55:18 > 0:55:21Did you like Christmas when you were a puppy?
0:55:23 > 0:55:27I remember going round to your house on Christmas Day.
0:55:27 > 0:55:31You'd just finished your Christmas dinner. I couldn't believe my eyes.
0:55:33 > 0:55:35We like kippers.
0:55:37 > 0:55:39Kippers for Christmas dinner.
0:55:40 > 0:55:43At least my father always used to get a bird.
0:55:45 > 0:55:48Till your mother caught him with her.
0:55:48 > 0:55:50In the doorway of the Co-op.
0:55:52 > 0:55:53He got his divvy that night.
0:55:56 > 0:56:01- I always used to get better Christmas presents than you. - We're onto that, are we?
0:56:01 > 0:56:03- All the best toys.- All the best toys.
0:56:03 > 0:56:07- A bagatelle, a fort. It's all coming up, I know that.- A bagatelle. A fort.
0:56:07 > 0:56:10I had a little Dinky.
0:56:12 > 0:56:14You still have.
0:56:16 > 0:56:20If you're sitting in a draught, why don't you close the curtains?
0:56:20 > 0:56:21That's a good idea. I will.
0:56:25 > 0:56:29SIREN
0:56:29 > 0:56:32He's not going to sell much ice cream going at that speed, is he?
0:56:32 > 0:56:35LAUGHTER
0:56:38 > 0:56:41- Lovely night, isn't it? - Lovely full moon out there.
0:56:41 > 0:56:43There's a red tint in the sky.
0:56:43 > 0:56:46- It's going to be a lovely day tomorrow.- Yes. For some. Not you.
0:56:46 > 0:56:48Why not for me?
0:56:48 > 0:56:50- That red tint in the sky?- Yeah.
0:56:50 > 0:56:52- The bank is on fire.- The bank?
0:56:52 > 0:56:54Which one is it?
0:56:57 > 0:57:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:57:00 > 0:57:05And that, sadly, is where we must leave our anarchic housemates.
0:57:05 > 0:57:09Eric and Ernie's flat was a place where we all felt strangely at home.
0:57:09 > 0:57:13After all, most of us spent every Christmas there.
0:57:13 > 0:57:16They were the grown-ups we all wanted to be.
0:57:16 > 0:57:21Silly, yet sophisticated, and with a limitless supply of famous friends.
0:57:21 > 0:57:24And from morning to night, from the kitchen to the bedroom
0:57:24 > 0:57:29and back again, via the airing cupboard, life was the one thing
0:57:29 > 0:57:32we all want it to be - a laugh.
0:57:32 > 0:57:34Good night.
0:57:37 > 0:57:42# May you never lay your head down
0:57:42 > 0:57:45# Without a hand to hold
0:57:45 > 0:57:52# May you never make your bed out in the cold
0:57:54 > 0:57:57# Well, you're just like a great and strong brother of mine
0:57:57 > 0:58:00# And you know that I love you true
0:58:00 > 0:58:05# You never talk dirty behind my back
0:58:05 > 0:58:07# And I know there are those that do
0:58:11 > 0:58:13# Bear it in mind
0:58:13 > 0:58:17# Love is a lesson to learn in our time
0:58:17 > 0:58:19# Please won't you, please won't you
0:58:19 > 0:58:23# Bear it in mind for me
0:58:23 > 0:58:28# May you never lay your head down
0:58:28 > 0:58:31# Without a hand to hold
0:58:31 > 0:58:37# May you never lose your woman overnight. #