0:00:21 > 0:00:23- DRAMATIC, SCOTTISH ACCENT: - Good evening...
0:00:23 > 0:00:25and welcome...
0:00:25 > 0:00:27to Tales Of Mystery.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31And tonight,
0:00:31 > 0:00:33we have...
0:00:33 > 0:00:35a mysterious tale.
0:01:12 > 0:01:17Hello and welcome to this salute to the comedy of Morecambe and Wise.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Tonight, it's the sketches,
0:01:19 > 0:01:22those three-minute bursts of controlled chaos
0:01:22 > 0:01:24that peppered their shows.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27ERIC WHISTLES
0:01:28 > 0:01:31I don't seem to be able to find where to put it!
0:01:35 > 0:01:37- It's upside down.- Oh.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42You've heard of sage and onions?
0:01:42 > 0:01:43No.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Well, you will.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49But onions make my eyes run, you know that!
0:01:49 > 0:01:50That's nothing.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Sometimes, they use hot chestnuts.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54ERIC SCREAMS
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Go and get another two buckets of cement.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- No.- What do you mean no?
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- You heard what I said!- And you heard what I said!- No, I said.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04I'm not getting any more buckets of cement!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07I've worked on this job for... for two years now,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10and the only thing I've carried is buckets of cement.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13I'm not carrying any more buckets of cement - you've had it.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14What brought this on?
0:02:14 > 0:02:15I'm off.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Aren't you going to feed your little chappie?
0:02:22 > 0:02:23He'll tell me when he's ready.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28He'll tell you when he's ready?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Oh, I forgot, yes. Four months old.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Could be a genius. Yeah.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Would you like some food, sunshine?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37I'll say I would, Dad. I'm famished.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43Morecambe and Wise started out in 1941,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45and by 1949,
0:02:45 > 0:02:48they had just 12 minutes of material.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52They toured those 12 minutes relentlessly on the variety circuit,
0:02:52 > 0:02:57slowly edging up the bill as they honed and refined the act.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59These boys had something
0:02:59 > 0:03:00and audiences loved them.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04By the '50s, they'd made the leap into radio,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07reaching a mass audience for the first time.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Ladies and gentlemen, Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise
0:03:10 > 0:03:14spend the next 30 minutes reminding you that You're Only Young Once.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22ERNIE: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Since radio was first invented,
0:03:24 > 0:03:26a great deal of water has flowed under the bridge
0:03:26 > 0:03:29and out of all that water, here is just one small drip -
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Mr Eric Morecambe.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Thank you, thank you very much.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37In 1954, they were offered the big one -
0:03:37 > 0:03:39their own television show.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42It was called Running Wild
0:03:42 > 0:03:45and it was an absolute disaster.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49One critic famously defined a television set as,
0:03:49 > 0:03:53"The box in which they buried Morecambe and Wise."
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Ooh...
0:03:55 > 0:03:57But in 1961,
0:03:57 > 0:03:58they gave it another go.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00And this time, it worked.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03And for my final question, Mr Morecambe,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06tell me - do you ever suffer from improper thoughts?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10No, no.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Ha! I rather enjoy them!
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Yes.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Morecambe and Wise had arrived
0:04:23 > 0:04:26and their format was the sketch show.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29We've noticed lately, the Five O'Clock Club
0:04:29 > 0:04:31is very popular with the children -
0:04:31 > 0:04:34particularly, the hand puppets. So I thought tonight,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37we would present the Morecambe and Wise puppet theatre.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I actually made these puppets myself
0:04:39 > 0:04:41and I found it terribly interesting.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44I think we're going to have quite a lot of fun with this.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- We're doing the hand puppets.- Eh?
0:04:48 > 0:04:50- We're doing the hand puppets.- What?
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- I don't know any hand puppets...- Oh, shut up! Don't give me any arguments.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57- What are you talking about?- Shut up! - What am I supposed to do?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Hello, everybody!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03My name is Otty Owl.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05And I'm Dimply Dog!
0:05:05 > 0:05:06And I'm Furry Fred!
0:05:06 > 0:05:10And I'm Clarry Clown! Hello, folks! Nice to meet you!
0:05:10 > 0:05:12And I'm Pick-a-lic!
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Hello, Otty Owl.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Hello.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Hello, Furry Fred.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Hello.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35Hello, Pic-a-lic.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Hello.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39My God...
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Good Lord!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Eh?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Marvellous that, wasn't it?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48But sketches need writers,
0:05:48 > 0:05:51so Eric and Ernie teamed up with Sid Hills and Dick Green,
0:05:51 > 0:05:54one of the top writing teams of the day.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57They'd written for the likes of Sid James,
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Bruce Forsyth and Charlie Drake.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03Eric and Ernie seemed to be in good hands.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08But the boys felt they wrote too many characters into their sketches.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10They were happier playing off each other.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14Sid and Dick didn't want anything to change.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Before things came to a head though,
0:06:16 > 0:06:18fate intervened.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21The actors' union, Equity, called a strike.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25As members of the Variety Artists Federation,
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Eric and Ernie could still appear
0:06:27 > 0:06:30and, better still, play all the parts themselves.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32And if there were any guest characters,
0:06:32 > 0:06:35well, Sid and Dick could always put on a bit of slap.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38ERNIE CHUCKLES
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Lay your first card down.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Have you got this one?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- Have you only got one card? - I've only got that one.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Look, take three and lay one.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58That's going to be difficult, isn't it?
0:06:58 > 0:06:59You know...
0:07:03 > 0:07:05THEY LAUGH Oh, dear, Oh, dear!
0:07:10 > 0:07:11THEY LAUGH Oh, no!
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- Carlotta.- Carlotta.- Carlotta.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19That's my ace against your two, three against the king...
0:07:19 > 0:07:21- That's £3 he owes me. - Four he owes me.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Yes, yes. Two more he owes me there.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27Just a minute...
0:07:27 > 0:07:30And there's a nine set against the double trombone...
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute, what's going on?
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I laid a card, all of a sudden, it's a square dance!
0:07:37 > 0:07:41There's Sid up the middle and Dick up the centre...
0:07:41 > 0:07:43and all promenade with my £12.10.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46You're lucky you didn't lose more.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47- Oh.- Well, Sid made a mistake there.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- You should have never laid that two, Sid, it's ridiculous.- Oh, yeah.- See?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- A big waste of time.- Told you you were a nit, you're a nit.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Why is he a nit? He's got all my money! Why is he a nit?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Well, it's obvious. Look at that - ace, king, ten.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- Or two tens.- And three five tens.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02And my £12.10.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- Gone!- Lay another card down.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Yeah, well... Can't somebody else lay a card?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- Then I can get in on the grabbing. - Why not? We gave you the bank, didn't we?
0:08:10 > 0:08:14- But I want to get in on the grubbing.- All right. Dick, would you lay a card down?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16All right, I don't know why I should, but...
0:08:16 > 0:08:18ERNIE AND SID: Good card, Dick!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- Oh, yes...- Good card.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21Good card.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Very nice, Sid.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Nice card, Sid.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- Didn't expect that queen.- Oh.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31- Oh!- Oh, crafty!- Crafty, crafty.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- I've not seen that before.- Yes.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- It's me now, isn't it?- Yes.
0:08:36 > 0:08:37Thought it might be.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40- Carlotta.- Carlotta.- Carlotta.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42There you are, that's the king, that's the three,
0:08:42 > 0:08:44he owes me £2...
0:08:44 > 0:08:47'That sketch shows the distinct characters
0:08:47 > 0:08:50'Sid and Dick had created for the boys.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52'Eric the fool and Ernie the smart one,
0:08:52 > 0:08:54'putting one over on him.'
0:08:55 > 0:08:59This put Ernie in the classic straight man role,
0:08:59 > 0:09:02meaning he often had very little to do.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05COWBOYS AND INDIANS SHOOT AND WHOOP
0:09:46 > 0:09:48It was a good film that, wasn't it?
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Are you coming, Ted?
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Yes, love.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59In 1968, the boys left ATV
0:09:59 > 0:10:01and went back to the BBC.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05At the time, BBC Two was the only channel broadcasting in colour
0:10:05 > 0:10:08and that clinched the deal.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10The new show had a new title -
0:10:10 > 0:10:12The Morecambe and Wise Show -
0:10:12 > 0:10:16but the same writers, Sid and Dick.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Sadly, the first series has been lost -
0:10:18 > 0:10:21apart from a single episode, which, ironically,
0:10:21 > 0:10:24has only survived in black-and-white.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27TV SET PLAYS TITLE THEME
0:10:27 > 0:10:31I'm ready. How about a game of shadow graphs, eh? Boys?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Shadow graphs?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37You know, where you make the things with your hands on the wall?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39And behind a sheet, and all that.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Boys?
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Shadow graphs?
0:10:46 > 0:10:48TV MUSIC STOPS
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Oh, what's happened to it?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Has it gone again?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54It's always going, that flaming thing.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Terrible thing, that. - What are we going to do now?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59What?
0:10:59 > 0:11:00- Home movies?- No.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02I'm not going to watch home movies -
0:11:02 > 0:11:04you're the only one who's ever in them. Drives you mad.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06- Well, it's my home.- Pfft.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08- No, I thought - shadow graphs. - Shadow graphs?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Yeah, you know? Where you make animals and things with your hands.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14It's educational and all that. You see, like an elephant?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- That's an elephant. - That's an elephant?- Oh, yes.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18And where's its tail?
0:11:20 > 0:11:23You... You don't do the back part.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24You only do the head.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- Well, where's its ears, then? - Well, I can't do it all, can I?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29I've only got eight or nine fingers, how can I do it all?
0:11:29 > 0:11:30Look, I'll show you.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33All you've got to do is, you get your little finger round there like that.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35You put that finger round there and then
0:11:35 > 0:11:38you've got to fetch this finger out like that to do the trunk...
0:11:38 > 0:11:39ERIC SCREAMS
0:11:39 > 0:11:42That was perfect, that was just like an elephant!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Recently, however, another copy came to light.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49It contained enough technical information
0:11:49 > 0:11:52to allow us to restore it to its original glory.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Here then, from 1968,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57are Eric and Ernie with Sid and Dick,
0:11:57 > 0:11:59in full colour -
0:11:59 > 0:12:01well, mainly brown.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Vulture sweeping down on a pack of wolves.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06How many wolves are you going to do?
0:12:06 > 0:12:08How many do you flaming want?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12305.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13It'll be close.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21I bet it barks.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Woof, woof!
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Woof!
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Woof!
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Fido the barking vulture.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Look at him, he's going... He's gone berserk.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35What do you think of that?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Well, where were the wolves?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39The vulture frightened them off!
0:12:42 > 0:12:43It's true!
0:12:44 > 0:12:49On 7th November, 1968, disaster struck.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Driving back to his hotel from a live show near Leeds,
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Eric Morecambe had a serious heart attack.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57He was only 42.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01It was a turning point in their career.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04No-one knew whether the act would be able to continue.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07So with an eye on future employment,
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Sid and Dick left the show
0:13:09 > 0:13:11and returned to ITV.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15There was no contract between Eric and Ernie -
0:13:15 > 0:13:16there never was.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18But they didn't need one.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Ernie stood by his partner.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23In the six months before Eric could return to work,
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Ernie - that legendary skinflint -
0:13:27 > 0:13:29put half of anything he earned
0:13:29 > 0:13:32straight into Eric's bank account.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34The BBC also stayed loyal
0:13:34 > 0:13:36and when Eric returned to work,
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Head of Variety, Bill Cotton,
0:13:38 > 0:13:40brought on a new writer -
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Eddie Braben.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44It was to prove an inspired move.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49This is Eric's first appearance, following his heart attack.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52The joke was an old one,
0:13:52 > 0:13:54but Eric really meant it.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57AUDIENCE APPLAUSE
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Thank you! Lovely.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Thank you, thank you very much.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Keep going, you fool. What?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. - Got no nerves, you know.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11Welcome to the show. First of all, let me say how happy we are to be appearing once again on television.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- That's true, it really is true. I was wondering if, in this particular series...- Yes?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17- ..I could get to kiss one of the girls?- Er, certainly not.- Oh?
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- If you remember, you kissed the girl in the last show, didn't you?- Yes.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- And look what happened to you. - That's true.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Morecambe and Wise were back,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27and things were different now.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30For one thing, Eddie Braben had no taste for the limelight,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32unlike Sid and Dick.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Here he is, making a rare appearance.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37ALL WHISTLE
0:14:45 > 0:14:47'At the back, saying nothing.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49'Just where the writer should be.'
0:14:49 > 0:14:51The real difference Eddie made
0:14:51 > 0:14:53was to Eric and Ernie's characters.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Out went the simple straight man-funny man divide.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01Eric's fool became smart, cheeky and wily as a fox.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04And Ernie was now the naive one.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06The switch worked brilliantly.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- That's a very nice set.- Oh, you like it, sir?- Yes, very smart.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- It is, isn't it?- Like the colour, too.- Beautiful.- Is it a good picture?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Excellent. One of the finest in the shop. I must be honest, though.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- Nice and compact, isn't it? - Oh, yes, yes.
0:15:18 > 0:15:19How much is it?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- £60, sir.- £60?
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- Yes, very expensive but well worth it.- Yes, sure.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26- Anyway, it's the last one in the shop.- Is it?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Oh, they've been going like hot cakes.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- Er, well, then in that case, I'll take it.- Oh, really?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Yes, I'll pay for it now.- That's very kind, sir.- There's my card.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- Would you have it delivered round to my house, please?- Yes, sir.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- This afternoon. - Yes, this afternoon, that's fine.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- BOTH:- 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44- Thank you very much indeed. - You're very welcome.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- Bye-bye.- Bye-bye.- Bye-bye.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Sorry to have kept you waiting. Can I help you, sir?
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Yes, how much is this set?
0:15:49 > 0:15:51- £60, sir.- I'll take it.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Eddie Braben said Eric and Ernie
0:15:56 > 0:15:59were closer than any brothers he'd ever known.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02He tapped right into that relationship -
0:16:02 > 0:16:04its warmth and vulnerability -
0:16:04 > 0:16:06and used it, to give their characters depth.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Sometimes their closeness was the joke.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Sit down, gentlemen.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Now then. Which of you is which?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- BOTH:- I'm Eric Morecambe and this is Ernie Wise.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I'm sorry?
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- BOTH:- I'm Eric Morecambe and this is Ernie Wise.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Er, one at a time, please.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31- BOTH:- Sorry.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34You're Mr Morecambe and you are Mr Wise?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- BOTH:- Yes.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Do you always both speak at the same time and say the same things?
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- BOTH:- Pardon?
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I said, do you always both speak at the same time
0:16:45 > 0:16:46and say the same things?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- BOTH:- That's why we've come to see you, isn't it?
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Yes, it is.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53How long have you been working together?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- BOTH:- Oh... I would say about, er...
0:16:56 > 0:16:57THEY COUGH
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- BOTH:- Excuse me.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01- BOTH:- Ever since we were young lads.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03As long as that?
0:17:03 > 0:17:04Yes.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09My first thoughts are that you've been working so closely together,
0:17:09 > 0:17:11for so long, that it would appear that both of you
0:17:11 > 0:17:14are thinking and saying the same things.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16- BOTH:- That's about the size of it.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19And we also know what other people are going to say.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21- ALL:- Really?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I've never come across anything so unusual
0:17:24 > 0:17:25in all my experience.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- BOTH:- See what we mean?
0:17:29 > 0:17:31- ALL:- Well, upon my soul!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33This really is most unusual.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38How long has this been going on?
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- BOTH:- Oh...about six weeks,
0:17:42 > 0:17:44give or take a day or two.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45KNOCK AT DOOR
0:17:45 > 0:17:46- ALL:- Come in.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- ALL:- I'm sorry to disturb you,
0:17:50 > 0:17:53you have a luncheon appointment in ten minutes.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- ALL:- Thank you, Miss Potter, I hadn't forgotten.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58- ALL:- May I go for lunch now, sir?
0:17:58 > 0:17:59- ALL:- By all means.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Thank you.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Ow!
0:18:03 > 0:18:06That closeness was hard-won.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10The result of years taking risks in front of live audiences.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14They would rehearse their TV shows relentlessly.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17But that ability to ad-lib a gag from the smallest mistake
0:18:17 > 0:18:19never left them.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- You look a sight!- Shut up. - Take it off!
0:18:21 > 0:18:23- I can't.- You can't?- No.- Why not?
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Ah, well.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26He might be looking in.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27"He"?
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Who's "he"? Who's "he"?
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Well, he's the fella that asked me
0:18:32 > 0:18:35if I would advertise his wigs on the BBC television.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37You can't advertise on the B...
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- Mffph!- You fool! Shut up!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43You see, the camera's coming in closer...
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Good evening! Ha-ha...
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Listen, nobody can advertise on the BBC.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Even Lord Hill can't say what kind of pipe tobacco he smokes.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54And no wonder - it's mine!
0:18:55 > 0:18:58It is known along the powers of corridor...
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Corridors of power?
0:18:59 > 0:19:01- Corridors of power... - LAUGHTER
0:19:01 > 0:19:03- Ah, but don't forget, he walks backwards.- Yes, he does.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05That was quick. That was quick.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Eddie Braben understood that the show was all about its two stars,
0:19:11 > 0:19:13so the sketches were never crowded.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15When they did need a third,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17they turned to Ann Hamilton,
0:19:17 > 0:19:20who had worked with them for years and was the perfect foil -
0:19:20 > 0:19:23understated, genteel and innocent.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- Madam.- Good morning.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28A lot of people have said that today, so it must be true. Can I help you?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- Well, I do hope so, because I am in rather a mess.- You're in a mess?
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- Yes.- Well, you've come to the right man. What's the trouble?
0:19:34 > 0:19:37I was driving about 100 yards down the road from here when I lost my...
0:19:37 > 0:19:39HONK
0:19:39 > 0:19:40- I beg your pardon?- I lost my...
0:19:40 > 0:19:42HONK
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- That's most unusual. - Well, if you could replace my...
0:19:45 > 0:19:46HONK
0:19:46 > 0:19:48I'd be most grateful, because without my...
0:19:48 > 0:19:50BEEP
0:19:50 > 0:19:52I won't will be able to visit my husband, who is in hospital.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55You see, he had an operation this morning and they removed his...
0:19:55 > 0:19:56BEEP, HONK
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Just something to say thank you for the countless hours
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- that we've spent in bliss. - Oh, yes, yes.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05I know, what about this?
0:20:05 > 0:20:08How about this hand-painted Chinese plate?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10I've got one.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12You've got one.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Solid gold snuff box?
0:20:15 > 0:20:16I've got one.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20A, er, small bust?
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Use your eyes.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- What did you have in mind, sir? - Well, in the window there...- Yes?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- ..you have, on a velvet pad...- Yes?
0:20:28 > 0:20:32..a most beautiful diamond ring, I think it's priced at £3,500.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Oh, yes. That's a very beautiful stone, sir.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36She's a very beautiful woman.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39She only deserves the best.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Would you like me to take it out, so you can have a good look at it?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44AUDIENCE LAUGHTER
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Well, there's not many people in the shop. How do you feel about that?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55- Then you can help me? - Certainly, madam.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58You have a choice of two here. Now, which one would you like?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Well, do you know the difference between...
0:21:00 > 0:21:01- HONK - ..and...
0:21:01 > 0:21:03HONK HONK What is the difference?
0:21:03 > 0:21:05HONK
0:21:06 > 0:21:09It's just something to say thank you.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12for the countless hours of bliss
0:21:12 > 0:21:14- that Googie and I have spent together.- Yes.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18It's rather difficult, sir. Let me think, now...
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- I keep my knick-knacks in a glass case.- I told you...
0:21:22 > 0:21:26The shop was the perfect setting for a Morecambe and Wise sketch.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29It was the spiritual home of the pompous, bourgeois Englishman -
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Ernie - and of course, his nemesis,
0:21:32 > 0:21:35the awkward customer - Eric.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Excuse me?
0:21:36 > 0:21:38- I'm sorry to trouble you. - No trouble at all, sir.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- Thank you very much. Good day. - Good day.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Forgot what I came in for!
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- Is that all right?- That's all right, sir.- Thank you.- Not at all.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54- Good day.- Good day.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57You want one of these calculators for your job?
0:21:57 > 0:22:00British High Commissioner to the Bahamas.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02- British High Commissioner for the Bahamas?- Yes.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04That's a very high position, sir.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Well, it would have been, if I'd have got the job.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- You didn't get it? - No, I'm a plumber's mate.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10- Plumber's mate?- Oh, yes.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13And why do you want the calculator, sir?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15For my wife - when she goes shopping, you see.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Oh-ho-ho-ho!
0:22:16 > 0:22:18May I say, supermarkets?
0:22:18 > 0:22:19If you want.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Supermarkets!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Good for you!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- Records.- Records? - That's it! A record.- Yes.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30I've come for a record, but I've forgotten the title.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33- We close in five minutes. - No, it's not that.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Can I help you?
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Yes, please. Yes. I'd, er...
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- I'd like to buy a pair of binoculars.- Yes?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43But I'd like the most powerful pair that you have,
0:22:43 > 0:22:45because I'm doing a bit of bird-watching
0:22:45 > 0:22:46and she's only small.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52What a pedestrian joke.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Well, sir, these are the most powerful binoculars
0:22:54 > 0:22:55we have in the shop.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- Oh, they're big, aren't they?- Hm. - Wonderful, yes.- Very powerful.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- Could I try them? I don't want to go outside.- No, no. That's all right.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04- If you just go over to the other side of the shop, there...- Yes?
0:23:04 > 0:23:07..look through those binoculars at, er... this pin.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Yes.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13- A pin?- Yes.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I can't... I can't see a pin.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27That's what I'm trying to tell you, sir.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29If you go to the other side of the shop,
0:23:29 > 0:23:31look through the binoculars, you'll see it quite clearly.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Oh.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Look...
0:23:50 > 0:23:51a mynah bird.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Who's a pretty little boy, then?
0:23:58 > 0:23:59Can I help you?
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Did you hear that, then?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06"Can I help you?"
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Who's a pretty little Dickie Bird?
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Can I be of any assistance?
0:24:09 > 0:24:12"Can I be of any assistance?"
0:24:12 > 0:24:14That is fantastic, that!
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- Sir!- "Sir"?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20You've no need to call me "Sir", you can call me Eric.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Can I help you, Eric?
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Did you hear that, then? Did you hear that?
0:24:29 > 0:24:31- Is this one, here?- Yes, these are calculators, all of these.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- Have a look at them, sir.- Very kind.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- And you can do something with them, if you like.- Yes. Pardon?
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- Do something with them.- Yes. You made that up as you went along, I think.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- Yes, I did, yes.- That's a good idea.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Let's have a look, now. Married...
0:24:43 > 0:24:4515 years, I've been married, now.
0:24:46 > 0:24:4915 years... 52 weeks in the year.
0:24:49 > 0:24:5052...
0:24:50 > 0:24:5352 multiplied by 15,
0:24:53 > 0:24:54that equals...
0:24:54 > 0:24:57780 weeks.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01Now multiply 780 by 4...
0:25:01 > 0:25:033,120?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05That is amazing.
0:25:05 > 0:25:073,120 what, sir?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09It's got nothing to do with you, that.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- They are powerful.- Good.
0:25:16 > 0:25:17- I saw the pin...- Yes.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- ..it was that big...- Yes.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21- ..with a small hand! I saw it! - Yes...
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Fantastic, that.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- That big, little hand! - Yes, that's true.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- I'll buy those.- You like them? - I'll have those.- Jolly good, sir.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- Jolly good.- They're the most powerful I've ever seen.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34- What's wrong? - I stuck it in my thumb.- Eh?
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- I stuck it in my thumb - the pin.- Oh?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39- Yes.- Yes.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- So you'd like these glasses, would you, sir?- Yes. Are they expensive?
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Oh, no. They're quite reasonable. A small deposit will secure.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Ten shillings?
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- Ten shillings?- Or 50 pence, as the saying goes?- All right.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56There we are.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12And if the boys had a well-known guest star on the show -
0:26:12 > 0:26:13which was fairly often -
0:26:13 > 0:26:15they'd stick them in the sketch as well.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Well, it's most embarrassing for me to say this, but...
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Poor man...
0:26:21 > 0:26:23He's a toucher.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Pardon?
0:26:26 > 0:26:27He's a toucher.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30He touches ladies, he goes...
0:26:30 > 0:26:31like that.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35- Nasty habit, doing that.- Oh!
0:26:35 > 0:26:38He goes to parties, you see, and... when he sees a beautiful girl,
0:26:38 > 0:26:41he doesn't go up and say, "Hello, how are you?" He goes...
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- Touches them.- I see.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46- Oh, now that is beautiful. - Oh, it's beautiful.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49That is a gorgeous piece of craftsmanship.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Only a true musician would recognise that, sir.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Of course. And such a beautiful polish.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- Lacquered.- Yeah, so am I. It's all go, isn't it?
0:26:59 > 0:27:02- And you, my lord - a little snort?- Oh, God.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04A little drop of the falling down water?
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Oh, just a little, please.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- That's plenty. - That's all you're going to get.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13After all...
0:27:13 > 0:27:14it is the '83.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16'83?
0:27:16 > 0:27:1883 bottles for 15 and 9, that's right.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22We've got a very special one over there.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- I've had that for five years, that's...- Oh, yes?
0:27:24 > 0:27:26- ..Nobilianam secundrum. - Nobilianam secundrum?
0:27:26 > 0:27:28- Oh, that's absolutely lovely.- Yes.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31- What's so different about that? - Well, that thrives on being sprayed.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Oh, you like to spray them?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Yes, but never in daylight.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36Of course, never in daylight.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42I do assure you that I am a proper actress.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45- I understand, it's... - No, but I can prove that I'm a...
0:27:45 > 0:27:48- You don't have to prove anything... - John!
0:27:48 > 0:27:49John!
0:27:49 > 0:27:51- Is she calling for the manager? - Is she?
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Oh, my darling, I love you.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56You will never know just how much I really love you.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58It simmers deep in my bosom,
0:27:58 > 0:28:01like a volcano waiting to erupt into a fury of fire.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Oh, my darling!
0:28:04 > 0:28:06My love for you wells up within me,
0:28:06 > 0:28:09like the very torrents of spring!
0:28:09 > 0:28:10Don't leave me!
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Please don't leave me!
0:28:16 > 0:28:18She's got her hand on your pilchards.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23Having a famous co-star in character
0:28:23 > 0:28:26changed the dynamic of the sketch, somehow.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29But it worked when the guests played themselves
0:28:29 > 0:28:31and the higher the brow,
0:28:31 > 0:28:33the further they had to fall.
0:28:33 > 0:28:34Your name, please.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41Professor Wise, the final round, as always, is on General Knowledge.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45And you have one minute on General Knowledge questions, starting now.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48What is the wheel arrangement of a prairie locomotive?
0:28:48 > 0:28:49- 2-6-2.- Correct.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52When The Ring was given its first performance
0:28:52 > 0:28:54at Covent Garden in 1892, who was the conductor?
0:28:54 > 0:28:55- Mahler.- Correct.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57Charles Dobson wrote a famous book -
0:28:57 > 0:28:59what is the name of the book and his pen name?
0:28:59 > 0:29:02- Alice In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll. - Correct.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Who wrote Old Meg, She Was A Gypsy?
0:29:04 > 0:29:05- Keats.- Correct.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08Noel Coward's play, Still Life, was made into a film under the title...
0:29:08 > 0:29:10- Brief Encounter.- Correct.
0:29:10 > 0:29:12Sergeant Troy is a character in a novel...
0:29:12 > 0:29:15- Far From The Madding Crowd. - Correct, by Thomas Hardy.
0:29:15 > 0:29:16They do say...
0:29:16 > 0:29:18- Edward Heath.- Correct. In 1954...
0:29:18 > 0:29:19- Roger- Bannister. Correct.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22- Under a law dating back to... - William Pitt.- Correct.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24- It was said of this man... - Capability Brown.- Correct!
0:29:24 > 0:29:27- BEEP - And that brings us to the end of your round, Professor Wise
0:29:27 > 0:29:30and if we look at the scoreboard, we see that you have scored...
0:29:30 > 0:29:33- Maximum ten points. - Yes.- I thought I would.
0:29:33 > 0:29:34Thank you, Professor Wise.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37Um, Mr Morecambe, how big is your reflector?
0:29:43 > 0:29:46I don't think I should stay and listen to any more of this drivel.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49- What?- I must away! - Sit down, sit down.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51All that Mr Patrick wants to know is
0:29:51 > 0:29:54how big are the lens on your telescope?
0:29:55 > 0:29:57Oh! Sorry!
0:30:00 > 0:30:02Well, I...
0:30:02 > 0:30:04I think that you can both be prepared to sit up
0:30:04 > 0:30:06and gasp in amazement, because
0:30:06 > 0:30:09I happen to own the ultimate in telescopes -
0:30:09 > 0:30:11perfected after years of research.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13- Can we see it, please? - Of course you can.- Yes.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19You just cast your eyes over that.
0:30:19 > 0:30:22- "The ultimate in telescopes"? - Oh, yes.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24- This is a very fine piece of equipment.- Of course it is.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26I tell you something, on a clear night, with that,
0:30:26 > 0:30:28I can see the bottom of the bed.
0:30:31 > 0:30:32And your name, please?
0:30:36 > 0:30:40Mr Morecambe, the final round, as with your fellow finalist, is on General Knowledge.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43Your General Knowledge questions start now.
0:30:43 > 0:30:47Can you finish the following? Little Bo Peep has lost her...
0:30:47 > 0:30:49- Cardigan?- No, it was lost her sheep.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51- And what is a cardigan made from, sir?- Wool.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54- And do we get wool from sheep? - Yes, that's correct.
0:30:54 > 0:30:56- Thank you, that's one up for me, please.- Just a minute...
0:30:56 > 0:30:58Please remain seated, Professor Wise.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00- He's not allowed to object, is he, sir?- Correct.
0:31:00 > 0:31:02That's another one for me. Put it up.
0:31:02 > 0:31:05Wait a minute, he hasn't answered the question right...
0:31:05 > 0:31:07Professor Wise, please try to remember where you are.
0:31:08 > 0:31:12Now, Mr Morecambe. Here is your next question.
0:31:12 > 0:31:14Who won the FA Cup in 1930?
0:31:14 > 0:31:17- ERNIE COUGHS - Arsenal!- Correct, Arsenal.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19Wait a minute, that was an accident!
0:31:19 > 0:31:22- That was a flagrant disregard of the rules!- Professor Wise, please.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24As chairman, I am the person who decides whether the rules
0:31:24 > 0:31:25have been disregarded or not.
0:31:25 > 0:31:29This contest will be conducted in a seemly and a proper manner.
0:31:29 > 0:31:31- This isn't a bingo hall, is it, sir?- Too right.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34- Two right, that's five altogether. Put them up.- Please, I object...
0:31:34 > 0:31:36One more outburst, Professor Wise,
0:31:36 > 0:31:38and I may be forced to disqualify you.
0:31:38 > 0:31:41Before we ask, "Who cares about morals?"
0:31:41 > 0:31:44I wonder if you could tell us how you came to join the Salvationists.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47Well, in my particular instance,
0:31:47 > 0:31:49I went to one of their meetings
0:31:49 > 0:31:51and I was accepted straightaway as a person, as a human being,
0:31:51 > 0:31:54even though I was down and out and an outcast from society.
0:31:54 > 0:31:55When was this?
0:31:55 > 0:31:56Yesterday afternoon.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01Mr Wise, I wonder if I could ask you just a few questions?
0:32:01 > 0:32:04Of course, as long as you treat me with the politeness
0:32:04 > 0:32:06due to a man in my position.
0:32:06 > 0:32:07I shall certainly do that, Mr Wise.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10Now, what would you like to ask me, Mr Day?
0:32:10 > 0:32:12Nothing, really, except...
0:32:12 > 0:32:13why don't you resign?
0:32:13 > 0:32:17Why don't I resign? That's the most ridiculous question I've ever heard.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19You are next to an idiot.
0:32:19 > 0:32:20How do you do?
0:32:20 > 0:32:23You'll go too far, you will. Now watch it.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26Mr Wise, you are deliberately trying to be evasive.
0:32:26 > 0:32:28If you were a little less bombastic,
0:32:28 > 0:32:30we might get somewhere.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33With all due respect, Mr Wise -
0:32:33 > 0:32:36and that isn't very much -
0:32:36 > 0:32:39I must ask you to watch your language.
0:32:39 > 0:32:44Not only are you bombastic, you are a little short on good manners, also.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46Mr Wise, I am not in the habit of losing my temper,
0:32:46 > 0:32:49but I must ask you to be very, very careful.
0:32:49 > 0:32:52Now listen. You just listen to me, you may be bigger than me,
0:32:52 > 0:32:53but you don't frighten me for one minute.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56You know, I can go a bit, so just you watch it, that's all.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58I didn't come here to be insulted.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01Where do you normally go?
0:33:01 > 0:33:04- Stand up!- Why?- I'm going to punch you. Stand up!
0:33:04 > 0:33:05Now, look, Mr Morecambe.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08I think that I must remind you that if you don't know the answer
0:33:08 > 0:33:11to a particular question, you must say "pass".
0:33:11 > 0:33:13I fully understand. Next question, please.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16Are you quite sure that you understand the rule?
0:33:16 > 0:33:18Oh, yes. If I don't know the answer, I say "pass".
0:33:18 > 0:33:20- Correct.- That's it. Put another one up.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22Wait a minute, what sort of a game do you call this?
0:33:22 > 0:33:25Hard questions, you asked me and I gave you proper answers!
0:33:25 > 0:33:27Listen, you got a mark every time he said "correct".
0:33:27 > 0:33:29I should get a mark every time he says "correct"!
0:33:29 > 0:33:31Will you please return to your seat, Professor Wise?
0:33:31 > 0:33:35But he's level with me now! He's level with me and he hasn't answered a question correctly!
0:33:35 > 0:33:37- But there's still one to go. - The decider.
0:33:37 > 0:33:38Well, let's play by the rules, shall we?
0:33:38 > 0:33:41Professor Wise, for the last time, will you please return to your seat?
0:33:41 > 0:33:43This is a rotten game.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51THEY MOUTH INSULTS
0:34:11 > 0:34:13Now, you do understand that if you cannot answer the question,
0:34:13 > 0:34:15- you must say "pass"? - I fully understand.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17All right, here's the deciding question
0:34:17 > 0:34:20and it's on Geography.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22It descends from Landi Kotal,
0:34:22 > 0:34:24through Shinwari territory,
0:34:24 > 0:34:26to Landi Khana.
0:34:26 > 0:34:30It is the most important route from Afghanistan into Pakistan.
0:34:30 > 0:34:31It's the Khyber what?
0:34:31 > 0:34:33- Pass.- The Khyber Pass, correct!
0:34:33 > 0:34:36Mr Morecambe, you are Mastermind 1974!
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Wait a minute, this isn't fair!
0:34:38 > 0:34:42This isn't right! Mr McManus, I'll never watch you wrestle again!
0:34:42 > 0:34:43Traditionally,
0:34:43 > 0:34:47the doctor's surgery is a place where the patient feels awkward
0:34:47 > 0:34:48and the doctor comfortable -
0:34:48 > 0:34:52unless of course, the patient is Eric and the doctor Ernie.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54- Ready, Sir!- Right!
0:35:00 > 0:35:02- Are we ready?- Yes.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07- Good morning, sir. - Good evening, madam.
0:35:09 > 0:35:10Do come in.
0:35:10 > 0:35:11If you insist.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15- Most unusual.- Don't worry, nurse.
0:35:15 > 0:35:19Us psychiatrists are fully trained - I know how to deal with this.
0:35:20 > 0:35:22Go away at once!
0:35:22 > 0:35:23Right!
0:35:24 > 0:35:27- Don't come near me.- Yes.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29Don't turn around.
0:35:29 > 0:35:30Well, I won't.
0:35:30 > 0:35:31Just stand where you are.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33If you insist.
0:35:34 > 0:35:37See what I mean, nurse? Just leave us alone, please.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39Most unusual.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42- It's a very nice office you have here.- Do you like it?
0:35:42 > 0:35:43No.
0:35:45 > 0:35:47Now then, sir, if we could just...
0:35:48 > 0:35:50You may smoke if you wish to.
0:35:50 > 0:35:52Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57I don't allow smoking in my office.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59And quite right!
0:36:01 > 0:36:03- Light?- Thank you.
0:36:06 > 0:36:08You know...
0:36:08 > 0:36:12I've never come across a case of the reversals before.
0:36:12 > 0:36:13Ooh!
0:36:13 > 0:36:15- What's the matter?- Headache.
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- The trouble with you is that you're suffering from overwork.- Over what?
0:36:23 > 0:36:25Take these tablets three times a day. That'll be £20, please.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27I said, that'll be £20, please.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29But I've got the reversals.
0:36:29 > 0:36:30Oh, terribly sorry, sir.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33- Here you are, £20.- That's very kind.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35- That's all right.- Thank you.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37- I'll just show you the way in. - Goodbye.
0:36:41 > 0:36:42Come in.
0:36:45 > 0:36:46Sit down.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50Now, what's the trouble?
0:36:50 > 0:36:51You've what?
0:36:51 > 0:36:53You've lost your voice?
0:36:53 > 0:36:55When did this happen?
0:36:55 > 0:36:57I said, when did this happen?
0:36:59 > 0:37:02I think I'd better have a look at your throat.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05Lovely day.
0:37:05 > 0:37:06Say, "Ah."
0:37:06 > 0:37:08Very nasty, very nasty indeed.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23- Not many people in.- No.
0:37:24 > 0:37:25Would you mind if I went in first?
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Is it serious?
0:37:29 > 0:37:30Well, it comes and goes.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32Comes and goes?
0:37:32 > 0:37:33Yes.
0:37:36 > 0:37:38Goodness! How long have you had that?
0:37:38 > 0:37:39How long have I had what?
0:37:39 > 0:37:42Well, that's odd. Just now, you had a great big nose.
0:37:42 > 0:37:45- Was it my nose this time?- Yeah. - Ah, well, there you are, you see.
0:37:45 > 0:37:46Comes and goes.
0:37:46 > 0:37:47That's nasty, that is.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49I'll say.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54It was my index finger, yesterday.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56It was over three feet long.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59I think you'd better see the doctor first.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02- I can't now, can I?- Well, why not?
0:38:02 > 0:38:04How am I going to get through the door?
0:38:08 > 0:38:11In recent years, vampires have become sexy,
0:38:11 > 0:38:13alluring, seductive.
0:38:13 > 0:38:17This trend was started in 1971, by Eric Morecambe,
0:38:17 > 0:38:19as this sketch clearly demonstrates.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26- Ah, good evening sir. - Very pleasant.- Yes.
0:38:26 > 0:38:27- Can I help you?- I hope so.
0:38:29 > 0:38:30I'd like to book a room, please.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33- Certainly, sir.- Oh, I am glad.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35Do you know that I've tried every hotel in this town
0:38:35 > 0:38:38- and, every time, they've refused me a room?- Not very hospitable.
0:38:38 > 0:38:42Well, I think they get a bit worried with me being a vampire.
0:38:42 > 0:38:44You're a what?
0:38:44 > 0:38:46- I'm a vampire, yes.- Oh.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49It upsets them. They said the other guests in the hotel
0:38:49 > 0:38:50wouldn't be able to sleep,
0:38:50 > 0:38:54because I might bite into their necks during the night.
0:38:54 > 0:38:56- I see, sir.- Of course, that's the kind of thing I do...
0:38:56 > 0:38:58I see, sir, yes.
0:38:58 > 0:38:59..with my fangs.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01- Fangs?- Yes.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03These are my fangs, here.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09- I bite... I bite into people's necks with them.- Very impressive, sir.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12- Very impressive.- They are very good, aren't they?- Yes, yes, sir.
0:39:12 > 0:39:14Unfortunately, I do have a nasty habit of biting
0:39:14 > 0:39:16into people's necks with them.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Well, it takes all kinds.
0:39:18 > 0:39:19Oh, yes.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22Not many people see it that way, I must be honest.
0:39:22 > 0:39:24It doesn't upset me one bit, sir. You're more than welcome.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27Oh, that's very kind. I'd like to go to my room now, please,
0:39:27 > 0:39:29because the sun is coming up. I'd like to get to sleep.
0:39:29 > 0:39:31The sun?
0:39:31 > 0:39:32Yes, well, us vampires, you see,
0:39:32 > 0:39:35if we don't get to sleep before the sun comes up, we die.
0:39:35 > 0:39:37Oh, well, I'd better get you signed in as quickly as possible.
0:39:37 > 0:39:40- That's very kind. - Name, please?- Alucard.
0:39:41 > 0:39:43Count Alucard.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45Alucard?
0:39:45 > 0:39:47- That's "Dracula" spelt backwards. - Oh, I see.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52I don't want to have my name, Dracula, on the register because
0:39:52 > 0:39:55it might frighten people to death and they'll think I'll want to go...
0:39:55 > 0:39:57I see. Yes, yes, yes.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01Very clever, sir.
0:40:01 > 0:40:03- Would you like me to show you to your room?- Well, that's...
0:40:03 > 0:40:05I must say, you've been most decent about all this.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08- Are you sure you don't mind me staying here?- Not in the least, sir.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11- Would you just follow me, please?- Certainly, yes.
0:40:17 > 0:40:21The show always worked best when it went back to the source -
0:40:21 > 0:40:25just Eric and Ernie, onstage together.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27Look out, the game's started!
0:40:34 > 0:40:36Hnnng...
0:40:36 > 0:40:37DING
0:40:41 > 0:40:43One down, now.
0:40:45 > 0:40:46We've started again!
0:40:53 > 0:40:54Ooof!
0:40:56 > 0:40:59Get it, Arthur! Arthur, get the ball, Arthur! Dive!
0:40:59 > 0:41:00DING
0:41:02 > 0:41:06Your wife went in there five minutes ago, with another man.
0:41:07 > 0:41:09With another man?
0:41:09 > 0:41:12- In there? - I don't want to cause any trouble.
0:41:13 > 0:41:15I'll kill him.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17- I'll kill him.- I overheard her say,
0:41:17 > 0:41:20"Leave your boots in the hall and I'll slip into my negligee."
0:41:21 > 0:41:23"Leave your boots in the hall"?
0:41:23 > 0:41:25"And I'll slip into my negligee."
0:41:25 > 0:41:26That's what she said.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29That's the biggest mistake he's made, isn't it?
0:41:29 > 0:41:30Right.
0:41:40 > 0:41:42Fancy a quick pint?
0:41:45 > 0:41:47Get your Morny Stannit!
0:41:47 > 0:41:50Morny Stannit!
0:41:50 > 0:41:52Morning Standard.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56Morny Stannit!
0:41:56 > 0:41:59Morning...Standard.
0:41:59 > 0:42:01Morny...Stannit?
0:42:01 > 0:42:03Morning...
0:42:03 > 0:42:05Morning...
0:42:05 > 0:42:06..Stan-dard.
0:42:06 > 0:42:07..Stannit.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Stan-dard.
0:42:09 > 0:42:10Stan-dard.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12Mor-ning Stan-dard.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16Mor-ning Stan-dard!
0:42:16 > 0:42:20Get your Morning Standard!
0:42:20 > 0:42:21Thank you.
0:42:21 > 0:42:23Morning Standard!
0:42:24 > 0:42:27Get your Morning Standard!
0:42:31 > 0:42:34Eric and Ernie's sketches could run as much as
0:42:34 > 0:42:36seven or eight minutes, but occasionally,
0:42:36 > 0:42:40they would throw in what are known in the trade as "quickies".
0:42:41 > 0:42:44Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
0:42:45 > 0:42:46Would you?
0:42:46 > 0:42:49- No.- Well, what are you trying to push her off onto me for?
0:43:12 > 0:43:13Have I missed much?
0:43:13 > 0:43:16- Morecambe's in tremendous form. - Is he really?
0:43:16 > 0:43:18- How many has he scored so far? - Look at the scoreboard.
0:43:18 > 0:43:20He's batting at number three.
0:43:20 > 0:43:22Number three... 990?
0:43:22 > 0:43:25- What a bat!- Cor, dear...
0:43:25 > 0:43:27He's facing up to that fast bowler again.
0:43:27 > 0:43:28POCK
0:43:28 > 0:43:30What a batsman!
0:43:30 > 0:43:33That was a six! The fast bowler's coming in again. Watch this.
0:43:33 > 0:43:34POCK
0:43:34 > 0:43:36- Well played, sir, well played! - He's done it, he's done it!
0:43:36 > 0:43:38He's scored 1,000 runs! Wow, that's great.
0:43:38 > 0:43:40- He's declared his innings. - He hasn't!
0:43:40 > 0:43:42Well played, sir!
0:43:42 > 0:43:44Absolutely superb!
0:43:44 > 0:43:46Wasn't that marvellous?
0:43:46 > 0:43:481,000 runs...
0:43:48 > 0:43:49Cor...
0:43:49 > 0:43:51Well...
0:43:51 > 0:43:53Wonderful!
0:44:11 > 0:44:14PINBALL DROPS INTO MACHINE
0:44:15 > 0:44:18DING DING
0:44:18 > 0:44:19DING
0:44:26 > 0:44:28Ah, the monks.
0:44:28 > 0:44:30Monks are funny.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32No-one knows why, they just are.
0:44:32 > 0:44:35Morecambe and Wise loved monks
0:44:35 > 0:44:36and so did the viewers.
0:44:36 > 0:44:39In fact, one of them wrote in,
0:44:39 > 0:44:41suggesting a monk joke.
0:44:41 > 0:44:42"Dear Eric and Ernie,
0:44:42 > 0:44:46"I will start by saying I am a great fan of yours,
0:44:46 > 0:44:48"as are all my friends.
0:44:48 > 0:44:50"I always look forward to watching your programme
0:44:50 > 0:44:54"and hope that the flow of them never stops.
0:44:54 > 0:44:56"I have also had an idea
0:44:56 > 0:44:58"which might be useful for a future series.
0:44:59 > 0:45:04"The two monks enter and approach a cabinet at about waist height.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07"A candlestick is on either side of the cabinet.
0:45:08 > 0:45:12"Then they reach out and grasp the candlestick -
0:45:12 > 0:45:14"one each - firmly.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16"They then pull it down towards them -
0:45:16 > 0:45:18"as in a pub -
0:45:18 > 0:45:20"and quickly drink up their half pint.
0:45:21 > 0:45:23"The idea could be enlarged upon
0:45:23 > 0:45:26"and I hope it turns out well, if used.
0:45:26 > 0:45:28"Yours faithfully."
0:45:28 > 0:45:32His name was Steve Dron and he was 14.
0:45:32 > 0:45:34All he wanted was a signed photo,
0:45:34 > 0:45:38so he was quite surprised to receive a BBC contract in the post.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40It was a lovely gag,
0:45:40 > 0:45:43so let's finally give him the credit he's due.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46'Additional material by Steve Dron.'
0:45:47 > 0:45:49BELL CHIMES
0:46:15 > 0:46:17BELLS PLAY JAUNTY TUNE
0:46:25 > 0:46:30In the 1970s, trains were an even bigger joke than they are now.
0:46:30 > 0:46:32This is a gem of a train sketch,
0:46:32 > 0:46:34with an unusual but very successful
0:46:34 > 0:46:37reversal of Eric and Ernie's usual roles.
0:46:39 > 0:46:41ERIC SIGHS
0:46:43 > 0:46:45Oh, this is a first class compartment?
0:46:45 > 0:46:47That's right.
0:46:47 > 0:46:49I've only got a second class ticket.
0:46:50 > 0:46:54I suppose the ticket collector will throw me out when he finds me.
0:46:54 > 0:46:56Can't do that.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58Yes, he can. I've got a second class ticket
0:46:58 > 0:47:01in a first class compartment, you see.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03Not known to many, but this is the one day in the year
0:47:03 > 0:47:05when anyone can travel first class.
0:47:07 > 0:47:08Really?
0:47:08 > 0:47:12Rail law, dating back to 1300.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15Clerks were the peasants of England.
0:47:15 > 0:47:17They could travel first class if they knew the codewords.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21Codewords?
0:47:21 > 0:47:23"Grapple your turnips and twist your sprigs."
0:47:27 > 0:47:31"Grapple your turnips and twist your sprigs"?
0:47:31 > 0:47:32That's it.
0:47:32 > 0:47:36Entitles them to travel first class and still applies, to this very day.
0:47:36 > 0:47:39Really?
0:47:39 > 0:47:41Law of the realm.
0:47:41 > 0:47:44I didn't know that. That means to say... He can't touch me, then?
0:47:44 > 0:47:46Can't lay a finger on you.
0:47:46 > 0:47:48- Oh.- Tickets, please.
0:47:48 > 0:47:49Wonderful.
0:47:50 > 0:47:53Thank you.
0:47:53 > 0:47:54Thank you.
0:47:54 > 0:47:56Ticket, please.
0:47:57 > 0:47:59- You know what to say.- Yes.
0:47:59 > 0:48:01I haven't got all day to wait, sir.
0:48:01 > 0:48:02Ticket, please.
0:48:02 > 0:48:03Thank you.
0:48:05 > 0:48:07This is a second class ticket, sir.
0:48:07 > 0:48:09You'll have to pay excess fare.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13You know your rights.
0:48:13 > 0:48:16- I know my rights. - And I know mine.
0:48:16 > 0:48:18Out.
0:48:18 > 0:48:20Do you want to lose your job?
0:48:20 > 0:48:22Do you want to lose your job?
0:48:22 > 0:48:25You've got exactly three seconds
0:48:25 > 0:48:27to either pay the excess fare
0:48:27 > 0:48:28or get out.
0:48:29 > 0:48:31The codewords.
0:48:33 > 0:48:37Grapple your turnips and twist your sprigs.
0:48:40 > 0:48:42What did you say?
0:48:44 > 0:48:48Grapple your turnips and twist your sprigs!
0:48:51 > 0:48:55I'll break your flaming neck if you talk to me like that!
0:48:55 > 0:48:57Tell him to read the rules.
0:48:57 > 0:48:59Read the rules.
0:48:59 > 0:49:02You've got exactly three seconds.
0:49:02 > 0:49:05Tell him it was a rule passed by the Guild of Shoemakers.
0:49:07 > 0:49:09Pardon?
0:49:09 > 0:49:11Guild of Shoemakers.
0:49:11 > 0:49:13I'm waiting.
0:49:14 > 0:49:18I... I'm...protected by the rule that they passed.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20The rule who passed?
0:49:28 > 0:49:29Cobblers.
0:49:41 > 0:49:44Reversing the roles was a neat trick
0:49:44 > 0:49:48and really showed Ernie's brilliance as a comic performer.
0:49:48 > 0:49:50Here, the roles are literally reversed,
0:49:50 > 0:49:53but it's the gag with the glass screen that makes it.
0:49:53 > 0:49:56- There you are, madam. - Oh, thank you very much indeed.
0:49:56 > 0:49:58- Do have a nice holiday.- Oh, I will, thanks a lot, bye-bye.
0:49:58 > 0:49:59Bye-bye!
0:50:01 > 0:50:03- Hello.- Thank you.
0:50:03 > 0:50:05"I have a gun in my pocket.
0:50:05 > 0:50:09"Hand over £6,000 in used notes or I let you have it."
0:50:19 > 0:50:21"You don't scare me, go away."
0:50:37 > 0:50:39"Then will you settle for £3,000...
0:50:41 > 0:50:45"..in used notes and I'll only shoot you a little bit, in the arm?"
0:50:59 > 0:51:01"No, I won't.
0:51:01 > 0:51:05"Even if you did shoot, you'd probably miss, four-eyes."
0:51:16 > 0:51:19"It's not nice to make fun of people who wear spectacles."
0:51:26 > 0:51:28"Go home, you silly Billy."
0:51:41 > 0:51:43How... How do you...
0:51:43 > 0:51:44How...
0:51:46 > 0:51:48How...
0:51:48 > 0:51:50How do you spell "annihilate"?
0:51:50 > 0:51:52Annihilate?
0:51:52 > 0:51:55- Annihilate.- Annihilate. A-N-N...
0:51:55 > 0:51:57Er...
0:51:57 > 0:51:59I've no idea. No idea.
0:51:59 > 0:52:01Well, if I put "kill", will you understand?
0:52:01 > 0:52:02Yes.
0:52:08 > 0:52:11- "Hand over the money or I'll kill you."- Yes.
0:52:24 > 0:52:25"I would lose my job
0:52:25 > 0:52:26"and I owe the grocer for food
0:52:26 > 0:52:29"for my dear wife and six little children."
0:52:29 > 0:52:31ERNIE SOBS
0:52:38 > 0:52:40"How much do you owe the grocer?"
0:52:47 > 0:52:4912 quid?!
0:52:49 > 0:52:51- Here, it's yours! - Thank you very much.
0:52:51 > 0:52:54I shouldn't be in this business, you know.
0:52:54 > 0:52:56I shouldn't be in this business.
0:52:57 > 0:52:59Right from the earliest shows,
0:52:59 > 0:53:02Eric and Ernie were masters of something essentially English -
0:53:02 > 0:53:04silliness.
0:53:04 > 0:53:06This number was so popular,
0:53:06 > 0:53:08it was released as a single.
0:53:08 > 0:53:10Take it away, boys.
0:53:12 > 0:53:16# Are you lonesome tonight
0:53:17 > 0:53:21# Do you miss me tonight
0:53:23 > 0:53:26# Are you sorry
0:53:26 > 0:53:29# We drifted apart... #
0:53:29 > 0:53:30Hey, what are you doing?
0:53:32 > 0:53:35- I'm singing, aren't I?- Singing? - # Are you... #
0:53:35 > 0:53:37You don't sing on your own any more, you know.
0:53:37 > 0:53:39Well, Frank Sinatra didn't do bad, did he?
0:53:39 > 0:53:41You've got to have backing today.
0:53:41 > 0:53:44- You know, like Cliff Richards has The Shadows?- Oh, has he?
0:53:44 > 0:53:46- It's a very lucky day for you. - Speak up a bit.
0:53:46 > 0:53:49- # Are you... #- Here, I'm a group.
0:53:49 > 0:53:52- By yourself?- No, no, no. There's a group of us.
0:53:52 > 0:53:55- Is there?- Yeah, there's Sid and Dick. You haven't met them, have you?
0:53:55 > 0:53:56- No.- Well, this is Dick and this is Sid.
0:53:56 > 0:53:59- Oh, I see.- That's Dick and that's Sid. Now, they're going to back you.
0:53:59 > 0:54:02- Ah. Well, what does Dick... That's Dick?- That's Dick, yes.
0:54:02 > 0:54:04- What does he do, then? - Well, he's a boomer.
0:54:04 > 0:54:05Oh.
0:54:05 > 0:54:07Give him a "boom", Dick.
0:54:07 > 0:54:08Boom.
0:54:10 > 0:54:12Is that all he does?
0:54:12 > 0:54:14- That's all he needs to do. - Does he cope?- Of course.
0:54:14 > 0:54:17Oh. And what about...
0:54:17 > 0:54:18What about Sid, then?
0:54:18 > 0:54:20Ah, now he's the real personality.
0:54:20 > 0:54:22- Yes?- He's an ooh-er.
0:54:24 > 0:54:26- Is he?- Yes.- Oh.
0:54:26 > 0:54:28Give him an "ooh", Sid.
0:54:28 > 0:54:29Ooh.
0:54:31 > 0:54:34You didn't want to part with that, did you?
0:54:34 > 0:54:35What do you do, then?
0:54:35 > 0:54:37I'm a ya-ta-ta-ta-er.
0:54:37 > 0:54:38- Oh, yeah?- Yes.
0:54:38 > 0:54:41Goes like this - a one, two...
0:54:41 > 0:54:43- # Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta.
0:54:43 > 0:54:45- # Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta. - Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta.
0:54:45 > 0:54:48I get it! And I'm in the foreground, singing!
0:54:48 > 0:54:50# Are you lonely tonight... #
0:54:50 > 0:54:53- I'm doing it at the back, you see? - Pushing me?- Of course.
0:54:53 > 0:54:55- Making me into a star?- That's right.
0:54:55 > 0:54:58- Hey, I'm all for that.- You're very happy about this?- Oh, yeah!
0:54:58 > 0:55:01- He's a happy little soul, isn't he? - Yeah. Are you ready to go, now?
0:55:01 > 0:55:03- Lovely, yeah. - I'll give you two in. Here we go.
0:55:03 > 0:55:05A one, a two...
0:55:05 > 0:55:08- # Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta - Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:55:08 > 0:55:11- # Are you lonesome tonight? - Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:55:11 > 0:55:12- # Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:55:12 > 0:55:15- # Do you miss me tonight? - Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:55:15 > 0:55:19- # Are you sorry... # - Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta.
0:55:20 > 0:55:23- Just...just... Just a minute. - Don't stop the booming.
0:55:23 > 0:55:24No, no, just a minute, Sid.
0:55:24 > 0:55:25A boom...
0:55:25 > 0:55:27Just a minute.
0:55:28 > 0:55:31I'm ya-ta-ta-ta-ing, you see?
0:55:31 > 0:55:34- Oh, of course! Well, you shouldn't be.- No, I should be singing Are You Lonesome Tonight!
0:55:34 > 0:55:38- Cos you've got the sideboards, you're the star.- I've got them all down here.- Yes, yes.
0:55:38 > 0:55:40It's probably the start, something went wrong with the start.
0:55:40 > 0:55:43I know - Sid, you start us off, will you?
0:55:43 > 0:55:47- Give us the one-two. Then you'll be all right.- Well, yeah, yeah.
0:55:47 > 0:55:49- Ready?- Yeah.- One, two...
0:55:49 > 0:55:53- # Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta - Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:55:53 > 0:55:56- # Are you lonesome tonight? - Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:55:56 > 0:55:57- # Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:55:57 > 0:56:01- # Do you miss me tonight? - Boom.- Ooh.- Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:56:01 > 0:56:03# Are you sorry... #
0:56:03 > 0:56:05- Just a minute...- # ..we drifted... # - Just a minute, Sid.
0:56:05 > 0:56:07- A boom...- Just a minute, Dick.
0:56:09 > 0:56:12I'm doing the "ooh" now!
0:56:12 > 0:56:15I've "ya-ta-ta-ta-ed" and I'm doing the "ooh" now!
0:56:15 > 0:56:18- I've only got the "boom" to go!- Yes.
0:56:18 > 0:56:21- There's something wrong somewhere, isn't there?- Yeah!- Yes.
0:56:21 > 0:56:22Oh, I know what it is!
0:56:22 > 0:56:25You start us off! You count the two in, then you can't go wrong!
0:56:25 > 0:56:27That should do it, that should do it, that.
0:56:27 > 0:56:30I'm sorry to disturb you all. He's a happy lad, isn't he?
0:56:30 > 0:56:31Are you ready?
0:56:31 > 0:56:33One, two.
0:56:33 > 0:56:36# Boom. Ooh. Ya-ta-ta-ta Boom. Ooh. Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:56:36 > 0:56:38- ALL: # Are you lonesome tonight? - Boom. Ooh. Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:56:38 > 0:56:40# Boom. Ooh. Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:56:40 > 0:56:43- # Do you miss me tonight? - Boom. Ooh. Ya-ta-ta-ta
0:56:43 > 0:56:45# Are you sorry... #
0:56:45 > 0:56:47Well, that's the end of our flick through
0:56:47 > 0:56:50the Morecambe and Wise sketchbook.
0:56:50 > 0:56:51Tricky things, sketches.
0:56:51 > 0:56:54Each is a little world, a whole story -
0:56:54 > 0:56:57but a few minutes and they're gone forever.
0:56:57 > 0:57:00They work because it's never just a man
0:57:00 > 0:57:03walking into a doctor's surgery or a shop -
0:57:03 > 0:57:04It's Eric Morecambe.
0:57:04 > 0:57:07And it's never just a shopkeeper -
0:57:07 > 0:57:09it's Ernie Wise.
0:57:09 > 0:57:12We know exactly what's going to happen,
0:57:12 > 0:57:14yet we have no idea.
0:57:14 > 0:57:16That takes skill and confidence
0:57:16 > 0:57:19and a hell of a lot of gags.
0:57:19 > 0:57:22The boys' writers, Sid and Dick and Eddie Braben,
0:57:22 > 0:57:24had all of those things.
0:57:24 > 0:57:26But the crucial ingredient was
0:57:26 > 0:57:30two of the smartest, silliest, warmest performers
0:57:30 > 0:57:33television has ever seen.
0:57:33 > 0:57:35The brothers who weren't brothers -
0:57:35 > 0:57:37Eric and Ernie.
0:57:37 > 0:57:38Good night.
0:57:38 > 0:57:42MUSIC: We'll Meet Again by Johnny Cash
0:57:45 > 0:57:49# We'll meet again
0:57:50 > 0:57:54# Don't know where, don't know when
0:57:55 > 0:57:59# But I know we'll meet again
0:57:59 > 0:58:01# Some sunny day
0:58:05 > 0:58:08# Keep smiling through
0:58:09 > 0:58:15# Just like you always do
0:58:15 > 0:58:16# Till the blue skies
0:58:16 > 0:58:21# Drive the dark clouds far away
0:58:25 > 0:58:28# We'll meet again
0:58:29 > 0:58:34# Don't know where, don't know when
0:58:34 > 0:58:37# But I know we'll meet again
0:58:37 > 0:58:41# Some sunny day. #