Jackie Mason

:00:03. > :00:13.top of the hour. Now it is time for On The Road With... Jackie Mann's -

:00:13. > :00:14.

:00:14. > :00:19.- On The Road With... Jackie Mason. Jackie Mason is an American stand-

:00:19. > :00:24.up comedian. 75 years old, he has performed on Broadway, and in front

:00:24. > :00:29.of the Queen. Ordinarily the more you pay, the more you get, except

:00:29. > :00:39.in restaurants. But the time it is the most expensive, there is

:00:39. > :00:42.

:00:42. > :00:47.nothing there. The best restaurants, there is no food. I wanted to get a

:00:47. > :00:56.sense of him and his comedy. It is something they cannot explain. I

:00:56. > :00:59.have no idea why something is funny. I spent time with him on the day a

:00:59. > :01:09.performance at Wyndham's Theatre in the West End. He is doing a

:01:09. > :01:10.

:01:10. > :01:15.farewell tour of the UK. I meet up with Jackie and a London

:01:15. > :01:25.apartment. Jackie Mason, a good to see it. Nice to see. Tell me, on

:01:25. > :01:27.

:01:27. > :01:34.the day of a performance, do you have a routine? Not particularly,,

:01:34. > :01:38.I am accustomed to doing shows, a dentist does not get panicky when

:01:38. > :01:45.he picks up a drill. He does not get exactly nervous, he does not

:01:45. > :01:49.have to have a drink first. No matter what business -- how long

:01:49. > :01:52.you have been in the business, comedians still have to have and

:01:52. > :01:58.drink and another drink and talking into the mirror and adjusting the

:01:58. > :02:02.tide. Be sure it is never perfect enough and the jacket is never

:02:02. > :02:07.exactly... They are playing with themselves like they never saw

:02:07. > :02:10.themselves before. Moving their hair back and forward and in and

:02:10. > :02:13.out, they never look great enough for themselves. You would think if

:02:13. > :02:22.you were a comedian you would realise that people do not care

:02:22. > :02:29.what you look like. That is what people do if they had any decency.

:02:29. > :02:33.You come to a wedding NEC the pride, she has a fancy paraphernalia, she

:02:33. > :02:43.is walking around like this is the biggest moment in her life. She

:02:43. > :02:47.

:02:47. > :02:53.says, how do I look? What will you say? I don't know. You look good.

:02:54. > :02:59.You do look OK. I wouldn't say good, but you look very nice for a person

:02:59. > :03:02.that looks like you. Only a schmuck would say that. A decent person

:03:02. > :03:11.would say, you are the most beautiful by they ever saw in my

:03:11. > :03:19.life. -- beautiful bride. So you don't really get nervous, but do

:03:19. > :03:25.you get excited? I feel some sense of anticipation and determination

:03:25. > :03:29.to be a hit. I am thrilled and delighted that I am attracting a

:03:29. > :03:36.crowd, people want to come and see me and I feel an obligation to be

:03:36. > :03:42.as good as they can. Let us be honest, I am and entertainer

:03:42. > :03:46.because of egomania. A need the attention. If I was not an ego

:03:46. > :03:55.maniac, I would be a plumber working in a toilet. Am I right

:03:55. > :04:00.that you started life as a rabbi? What happened? I became a rabbi,

:04:00. > :04:04.and I would tell lot of jokes in my sermons. It could be relevant to

:04:04. > :04:14.making a serious point. The highlight the. Sometimes with

:04:14. > :04:18.

:04:18. > :04:21.comedy. -- de claimant the point. - - to highlight. They are trying to

:04:21. > :04:27.deliberate message, sometimes with comedy you can do it more

:04:27. > :04:33.effectively. So, I used to use a lot of comedy in my servants.

:04:33. > :04:38.Alight the significant of the message. -- sermons. A lot of

:04:38. > :04:43.people set to become a rabbi, you should have been a comedian. People

:04:43. > :04:48.were talking about how funny that Rabbi was. It is unbelievable how

:04:48. > :04:58.many Gentiles started to come and hear my sermons? I do not nullify

:04:58. > :05:08.converted them. I potter had become the only rabbi with the gentile

:05:08. > :05:08.

:05:08. > :05:13.congregation! I see gentiles and the front -- in the front. I never

:05:13. > :05:21.saw gentiles in the front. I have been on board a for 40 years and I

:05:21. > :05:31.never seen gentiles in the front row. They do not care where it is.

:05:31. > :05:34.

:05:34. > :05:40.We have got money now! Do you eat kosher food? Yes, but I am not a

:05:40. > :05:47.strictly observant Jew. I do not feel comfortable being a rabbi

:05:47. > :05:52.because I am not 100% purely perfect in my devotion to Judaism.

:05:52. > :05:58.I am very proud Jew and editor cake active Jewish traditions and values

:05:58. > :06:03.and the culture, which I think is beautiful, it teaches you love and

:06:03. > :06:08.honesty and decency and compassion and highlights all the basic

:06:08. > :06:15.decencies most essential, moralistic qualities that everyone

:06:15. > :06:23.should have. Listen to this, I went to the Vatican. When you go to the

:06:23. > :06:31.Vatican, have you ever been there? People wait hours to be able to get

:06:31. > :06:36.into the Vatican. What do you see? Nothing that Jews. The gentles are

:06:36. > :06:40.in line, that Jews are always in front of the line, giving a few

:06:40. > :06:48.dollars to him, a few dollars to him. The Gentiles are standing and

:06:48. > :06:56.waiting. Give him too, I will give Hinton, I will give him 20. Making

:06:56. > :07:00.deals. They always get in there first. Jews never stand in line.

:07:00. > :07:05.Gentiles were all outside, standing and Stanic. I thought the Vatican

:07:05. > :07:12.was a Jewish neighbourhood. All I saw were Jews, all over the place.

:07:12. > :07:15.It looked like a Jewish restaurant. Where does your accent come from?

:07:15. > :07:19.From the Lower East Side of New York. I was the first of my family

:07:19. > :07:26.born in America. I was talking Yiddish before I was talking

:07:26. > :07:30.English. My family came from Poland and Russia, they came to America

:07:30. > :07:35.and the first three children were born in Russia. I was the first one

:07:35. > :07:40.born in America, so everyone was talking Yiddish and my family and

:07:40. > :07:44.in school everybody was talking Yiddish. When I went to secular

:07:44. > :07:49.schools and spoke English, I still had the accent and I still have it

:07:49. > :07:54.to this day. Why did you family come to America? To escape

:07:54. > :07:57.persecution from Russia and Poland. At that time, almost all the Jews

:07:57. > :08:05.game here has an escape from persecution. What years of we

:08:05. > :08:10.talking about? 1930, 1933, 1935. Did you ever experience any anti-

:08:10. > :08:17.Semitism as a boy growing up in America? Yes, I did. There was a

:08:18. > :08:25.tendency in those days of Christians, disliked Jews. In those

:08:25. > :08:30.days, they actively hated the Jews. Not all, but a great percentage of

:08:30. > :08:36.them. Almost everybody was an antique so might at that time. They

:08:36. > :08:42.looked it chooses people who did not belong, people were low-lifes,

:08:42. > :08:46.they had an image of Jews as someone who does not belong there.

:08:46. > :08:53.Even the most cultivated and educated Christians at that time

:08:53. > :09:00.were anti-Semitic. It was just the way people in those days were anti-

:09:00. > :09:04.black. A black person could not get a job in any decent Corporation,

:09:04. > :09:10.neither could be due. Jews were always persecuted. I don't know if

:09:10. > :09:14.you ever heard about it. But they always manipulate their way around

:09:14. > :09:19.to see if they could somehow come to something, because Jews were

:09:19. > :09:29.never allowed in a major economies of the world. Did you know that?

:09:29. > :09:29.

:09:29. > :09:33.The major corporations in America never hired choose. -- hired Jews.

:09:33. > :09:40.Nowadays, we own the company. That is one reason why they became

:09:40. > :09:45.businessmen. They were brilliant at organising and creating their own

:09:45. > :09:50.businesses, despite everything against them. The whole economy,

:09:50. > :09:56.the system did not allow the Jews to participate in any way, but they

:09:56. > :10:00.managed by manipulating and developing their own businesses,

:10:00. > :10:08.developing their own systems and pots and ideas and inventions and

:10:08. > :10:13.professions. They managed to -- almost nobody allowed due to become

:10:13. > :10:18.a doctor, but somehow they got their way in. How did they become

:10:18. > :10:22.doctors? They couldn't get a medical school. That is what Jews

:10:22. > :10:26.did, that is why they became doctors. The main reason they

:10:26. > :10:33.became doctors was to protect themselves from persecution. They

:10:33. > :10:43.knew they were safe if they became doctors. Who were persecuted Dr?

:10:43. > :10:45.

:10:45. > :10:51.Coup will walk-in and say, my foot hurts...

:10:51. > :10:55.Jackie, this machine is for keeping fit? Can't you see by how I am

:10:55. > :11:00.build? I have to do a lot of exercises. So you really work out?

:11:00. > :11:05.Off course, that is why I have such a perfect body. How long would you

:11:05. > :11:09.spend on the Sun and average day? Between 40 minutes and an hour. I

:11:09. > :11:17.start of slower than I go further and further and harder and harder.

:11:17. > :11:21.If I get tired I slowed down. I keep challenging myself, because I

:11:21. > :11:28.think that is the only way to stay fit. Otherwise you have to walk in

:11:28. > :11:32.the streets. If it is a nice day, I walk in the streets. After the

:11:32. > :11:42.theatre, we Jackie is going to show me around. -- off to the theatre,

:11:42. > :11:51.

:11:51. > :12:01.where Jackie is going to show me Nice meeting you. Thank you. Take

:12:01. > :12:08.

:12:08. > :12:16.care. You are very funny man. you. First stop is Jackie's

:12:17. > :12:21.dressing room. And this... This is very comfortable and lovely. It

:12:21. > :12:25.doesn't look like a very beautiful Room, but compared to dressing

:12:25. > :12:30.rooms in New York, on Broadway, this is a palace. The dressing

:12:30. > :12:34.rooms on the proper shows, about a third of this size, you have room

:12:34. > :12:39.for a chair and that is about it. If you turn around, you are outside

:12:39. > :12:44.the room. Difficult question. Do you think that when you make jokes

:12:44. > :12:49.about a Jewish husband, to use that as an example, do you think there

:12:49. > :12:54.is a danger that you are encouraging stereotyping of the

:12:54. > :12:58.Jews by non-Jews? A I do not think there is any danger of that because

:12:58. > :13:05.I do not think there is any threat to Jews in this country. In America

:13:05. > :13:11.or the UK? I do not think there are any threats. Nobody is persecuting

:13:11. > :13:14.Jews, nobody is threatening Jews. I do not think there is anything

:13:14. > :13:21.wrong with stereotyping people, comedy is always about stereotyping

:13:21. > :13:31.people. The characteristics of a people, you make fun of it. That is

:13:31. > :13:34.

:13:35. > :13:41.what people identify with. Almost all comedy is basically stereotyped.

:13:41. > :13:47.You could say I am and forcing a stereotype. I am here to tell jokes

:13:47. > :13:50.that people can't identify with. If I use a stereotype it is funnier. I

:13:50. > :13:55.do not see anything wrong with stereotypes, there is nothing

:13:55. > :13:59.offensive about it. If someone uses stereotyping outside of comedy or

:13:59. > :14:04.sometimes even in comedy, if it is intended to be negative, that could

:14:04. > :14:08.be dangerous. It could be dangerous, but that kind person does not

:14:08. > :14:13.become negative because he had the stereotype for me, that can a

:14:13. > :14:21.person starts with discrimination in his heart in the first place. --

:14:21. > :14:27.that kind of person. They become prejudiced. It comes from his heart

:14:27. > :14:37.because he is a prejudiced person who dislikes people, and what I say

:14:37. > :14:46.

:14:46. > :14:50.we don't say will not make any Once you see say an accountant even

:14:50. > :14:55.knows you are talking about a Jew. You could tell if it a Jew or

:14:55. > :14:59.Gentile by profession. It is amazing how people from different

:14:59. > :15:03.denop nation choose different professions. A guy tells you he is

:15:03. > :15:12.a coal miner, could he be Jewish? I never heard of it. Once you say

:15:12. > :15:19.coal miner you know he is a Gentile. A Jew sees a coal mine, he is urgh.

:15:19. > :15:28.You ever see a sign Irving's coal mine. A coal miner can't be Jewish.

:15:28. > :15:33.You ever seen a yamulke with a light attached to it? A guy is a

:15:33. > :15:38.hockey player, could he be Jewish. When sticks are flying round no Jew

:15:38. > :15:46.gets about. Gentiles love to hit people in the mouth with sticks.

:15:46. > :15:49."Hey Clive, ping." Why do you think Jews become dentists? Because

:15:49. > :15:57.Gentiles play hockey. Every time you see a Gentile with a stick, you

:15:57. > :16:00.see a Jew with a card. "Here's my card." What creates more

:16:00. > :16:04.satisfaction than anybody if they go into this business because they

:16:04. > :16:07.are craving attention in the first place, there is no greater

:16:07. > :16:12.affirmation than the fact you are a sensation, that you are loved,

:16:12. > :16:17.appreciated, and that you are the most important guy in the place at

:16:17. > :16:22.that time. In is, brings back everything you ever wanted in life

:16:22. > :16:28.in one evening. To be the boss and the star. To be the one so loved

:16:28. > :16:32.and appreciated that you can't top it. It as if everybody in here in

:16:32. > :16:36.the place says to themselves "There's nothing greater than this

:16:36. > :16:40.man," how else could you accomplish this, there is no other form of

:16:40. > :16:47.appreciation that is come froobl it. How much of the Jackie Mason we see

:16:47. > :16:52.in the press, on television, in up in articles, how much of that is

:16:52. > :16:56.really you? And how much is an act? Is any of it is an act. It is all

:16:56. > :16:59.exactly me. I am blunt, frank and honest about myself and about my

:16:59. > :17:03.reason for being here and the pleasure I get out of it, it is all

:17:03. > :17:08.exactly what I feel. I have no pretensions about anything when I

:17:08. > :17:12.talk about myself. When you are addressing the audience, are you

:17:12. > :17:18.addressing one person, everyone, how do you do snit. I don't think

:17:18. > :17:22.of it one person, I can't think of it as one person. I would have to

:17:22. > :17:26.be blindfolded to think I am talking to one person. I am talking

:17:26. > :17:31.to everybody, but I talk to them no differently than I would be talking

:17:31. > :17:35.to them if they there was only one person. I would be talking no

:17:35. > :17:38.differently if it was one person, I am very personal in the way I

:17:39. > :17:42.perform. People get insulted when I say that, nobody is happily married.

:17:42. > :17:45.The truth of the matter when you ask anyone if they are happily

:17:45. > :17:48.married they can't answer you. It is a fascinating thing. I have

:17:48. > :17:52.noticed when you ask people the they are happily married they can't

:17:52. > :18:02.answer you. Isn't that amazing. Say to anybody, you happily married,

:18:02. > :18:02.

:18:02. > :18:11.you get the same answer. Who knows? All of a sudden every smubg becomes

:18:12. > :18:17.a flotion fer. What is happiness? Does anybody know? You might think

:18:17. > :18:21.you are, I could b I might be. It is hard total. I'm not sure, some

:18:21. > :18:26.people say I can. Is your wife happy, I don't know, I haven't

:18:27. > :18:30.spoken to her in nine years. When you ask people if they are happily

:18:30. > :18:34.married most of the I'm they don't answer you. They don't answer you,

:18:34. > :18:38.they give you a number. They don't realise they are doing it. They do

:18:38. > :18:42.not answer that question. Because I ask people these questions all the

:18:42. > :18:46.time. And I get the same answer. They give you a number. They do not

:18:46. > :18:56.answer the question. Everybody says the same thing. Say are you

:18:56. > :19:02.happenry married. 29 years. -- happily mar -- married. Only a

:19:02. > :19:07.marriage and a prison sentence gets a number. Why do they give you a

:19:07. > :19:13.number? What does it have do with the question. If I said are you

:19:13. > :19:18.happy with your refrigerator? 12 years. Jackie, what is the meaning

:19:18. > :19:24.of life? I have no idea what the mean of life s I'm not that

:19:24. > :19:28.brilliant a floser fer. When I hear people trying to give you the

:19:28. > :19:32.meaning of life I consider they are wasting their time. It is nonsense

:19:32. > :19:36.to pretend you have some kind of an answer to that question. Nobody has

:19:36. > :19:41.an answer, the answer is that you are here, and while you're here

:19:41. > :19:46.your not thinking of the meaning of life, you're thinking of trying to

:19:46. > :19:50.enjoy it as much as possible. So whatever the meaning is irrelevant

:19:50. > :19:54.to me. What do you think happens after death? I don't care. I

:19:54. > :19:58.doesn't interest me. I feel when I'm not here I won't be here to

:19:58. > :20:02.notice it, and it won't make any difference because I'm not here and

:20:02. > :20:05.I won't be feeling anything. If you are feeling nothing and

:20:05. > :20:10.experiencing nothing, who caring about something you will never feel

:20:10. > :20:14.or see. What makes something funny Jackie? What makes something funny

:20:14. > :20:20.is something I can't explain. I have no idea why something is funny.

:20:20. > :20:23.I never give it a thought why it is funny. I only think of does this

:20:23. > :20:27.sound funny, or will something of this be fun tkwroi people

:20:27. > :20:31.listening? Does this situation sound funny to me? If it sounds

:20:31. > :20:36.funny to me I say to myself it will probably sound funny, so then I try

:20:36. > :20:45.to write it out in a way that is, that sounds funny to me, that's all

:20:45. > :20:51.I know. What makes you laugh, Jackie? I don't know. I never

:20:51. > :20:55.figured that." Never interested me to figure out why something makes

:20:56. > :21:00.it funny. I don't think, I am not different from anybody else. When

:21:00. > :21:05.people find it funny they don't try to analyse it. They just find it

:21:05. > :21:10.funny. Do you think people by and large enjoy having fun made of them,

:21:10. > :21:14.if it is in a certain context, a certain.... It is in a certain

:21:14. > :21:20.context, that is not a reflection about some kind of a handicap or

:21:20. > :21:24.something embarrassing, that is going to embarrass the person, and

:21:24. > :21:28.create some kind of a personal humiliation, then of course that is

:21:28. > :21:32.ugly and stupid. I would never do that. My comedy is strictly an

:21:32. > :21:37.innocent type of come difficult I make fun collectively of people's

:21:37. > :21:44.behaviour, but not in a way that any one person could start to sit

:21:44. > :21:52.wondering if I mean him and am I offending him. If you are a normal

:21:52. > :22:02.person, I could never offend you. I can't account for people who might

:22:02. > :22:39.

:22:39. > :22:42.It is early evening in the West End Back stage, Jackie is ready to go.

:22:42. > :22:45.You make anything expensive and fancy and people will imagine they

:22:45. > :22:49.bought something, they would have bought nothing, they made

:22:49. > :22:53.themselves uncomfortable. Why do people go to an opera, is there

:22:53. > :22:59.anybody in this world that enjoys an opera? There is no such human

:22:59. > :23:03.being. An opera is a fantastic art form, I am not making fun of it but

:23:03. > :23:06.to claim you enjoy it makes you a lying (BLEEP) because nobody enjoys

:23:06. > :23:10.it. Nobody enjoys the opera, the kids in the top balcony who are

:23:10. > :23:15.going to music school, they join it but everybody watching it has no

:23:15. > :23:22.idea what the (BLEEP) is going on. No yeb what they are watching. Go

:23:22. > :23:28.to the opera, what do you see, two Gentiles are screaming and 3,000

:23:28. > :23:34.Jews lost. It is nothing but a bedroom for rich Jew, that is all

:23:34. > :23:38.it is. They only go to the opera for one reason to come back from

:23:38. > :23:42.the opera to say I just came back from the opera. I feel culture,

:23:42. > :23:48.they want you to know how cultured and classy they r they go from

:23:48. > :23:57.house to house "I just came from the opera." If you asked them what

:23:58. > :24:02.it was about, they are,'s "I would say it was about two hours." Nobody

:24:02. > :24:06.joins an opera. If they were honest they would take out the chairs, put

:24:06. > :24:10.in beds, people are there to sleep. People round us they wouldn't come

:24:10. > :24:15.with suit, they would come with pyjamas, they came the sleep. I

:24:15. > :24:19.don't blame them from sleeping. Every opera is the same story.

:24:19. > :24:26.Sooner or later the same things happens, he stabbed mer the heart

:24:26. > :24:31.and she starts singing. The more he stabs her the better she sings.

:24:31. > :24:35.# He stabbed me in the heart, # In the heart he stabbed me

:24:35. > :24:40.# In the heart, in the heart # Nen he sings too.

:24:40. > :24:44.# I stabbed her, I stabbed her # In the heart I stabbed her

:24:44. > :24:49.# In the heart # And the whole chorus joins in

:24:50. > :24:59.# He stab herd # In the heart, in the heart

:25:00. > :25:01.

:25:01. > :25:05.# He stab nerd the heart... # APPLAUSE -- stabbed her.

:25:05. > :25:08.Olympics are coming here. I want to ask a question, do you think it

:25:09. > :25:13.makes sense do you you should spend hundreds of millions of dollars for

:25:13. > :25:18.people to go swimming here? If I want to go swimming in your place,

:25:18. > :25:22.if you have a gym or swimming pool I would pay you for the chance, I

:25:22. > :25:26.would ask how much would you charge me to swim there? You do it the

:25:26. > :25:29.opposite way, you entertain them, you rebuild your whole city, new

:25:29. > :25:39.bridges and tunnels and roads and you spend hundreds of millions of

:25:39. > :25:43.dollars then you don't get to see the games. Because it is a fact, I

:25:43. > :25:46.spoke to a lot of people, it's a fact that the dignitys --

:25:46. > :25:49.dignitarys are getting all the tickets, and you, you are the

:25:49. > :25:55.taxpayers who made this possible and it is costing you hundreds of

:25:55. > :25:59.millions of dollars to have them here, who the (BLEEP) needs them